^^«nS  ijpi  iyx^ 


LIBRARY  or  the:  commandery  or 

THC  STATE  OFMASSACHUSETTS  MILITARY 
ORDER  OFTHE  LOYAL  LEGION  OF  THE 
UNITED   STATES 

CADET  ARMORY,    BOSTON 


V. 


^ 


■''''/' 


)/..../;.' 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF 

NORTH  CAROLINA 

LIBRARY 


THE  WILMER  COLLECTION 

OF  CIVIL  WAR  NOVELS 

PRESENTED  BY 

RICHARD  H.  WILMER,  JR. 


^-/^-   / 


Guy  Averall 


A  PATRIOTIC  SKETCH. 


AS   WRITTEN   BY 

A  PRIVATE  SOLDIER  OF  THE  U.  S.  ARMY. 


PHILADELPHIA: 
E.  CLAXTON   &   COMPANY, 

No.  930  Market  Street. 
1881. 


Copyright. 
E.  CLAXTON  &  COMPANY. 


PROEM. 

litis  Boohe  which  is  ivntten  hy  a  Private 
Soldier  of  the  United  States  Ariny^  tells  loho 
Guy  AveraU  was,  tvhere  he  has  heen,  and 
also  ivhat  training  he  received.  It  further- 
more mentio'ns  the  various  hinds  of  2mtriots 
xvhom  he  met ;  and  ho'io  these  latter  hehaved 
tJiemselves  in  a  lively,  agreeahle,  and  inter- 
esting manner  tvhen  hefore  him. .  2h  all  good 
enlisted  men  tlie  worlc  is  dedicated. 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2010  with  funding  from 

University  of  North  Carolina  at  Chapel  Hill 


http://www.archive.org/details/guyaverallpatrioOOwilm 


CONTENTS, 


Pagk 

PRELIMINARY 9 

SUR  LE  PAVE 58 

AFLOAT, 85 

FURTHER  PROGRESS, 123 

THE  SUNNY  SOUTH 170 

SWEET  WILLIAM,          .         .                  ...  216 

OLD  FRIENDS 244 

ALL  FOR  LOVE 279 

PRACTICAL  I'TPIICS 310 

SUBSEQUENT  PROCEEDINGS,   ....  353 

A  CHANGE  OF  QUARTERS 399 


PRELIMINARY. 


A  GOOD  many  years  ago,  longer  in  fact  than  we 
think  necessary  to  tell,  a  stately  vessel,  belonging  to 
the  Black  Ball  Line  of  Packets,  then  plying  between 
Europe  and  America,  was  seen  slowly  approaching 
the  harbor  of  New  York.  The  ship,  named  the  Im- 
perial, had  previously  been  boarded  by  a  pilot,  Avho 
now  in  conformity  with  maritime  regulations,  was 
making  preparations  for  bringing  his  charge  into 
port.  The  studding  sails  ;  the  staysails  ;  the  spanker ; 
the  t'gallant  sails,  fore,  main,  and  mizzen,  had  all 
been  taken  in ;  nothing,  in  fact,  was  now  spread, 
save  a  jib  and  top  sail,  under  which  the  vessel  kept 
her  course.  Finally  too  these  were  clewed  up  ;  a 
number  of  sailors  had  previously  heaved  out  the 
Anchor  by  means  of  a  tackle ;  Mr.  Barr,  the  chief 
mate,  was  giving  orders  so  that  the  chain  which  was 
ultimately  to  hold  the  vessel  could  not  possibly  get 
foul  when  the  anchor  was  dropped  ;  the  Captain,  a 
dark  featured,  weather  beaten  man,  kept  up  the  show 
of  authority,  by  "  overhauling  "  a  sailor  now  and 
then  ;  while  the  pilot,  a  bluff  looking  old  son  of 
Neptune,  was  so  much  occupied  with  his  charge, 
that  he  seemed  as  calm  and  imperturbable  as  the 
great  sea  divinity  himself.     At  length  the  word  "  let 


lo  Guy  Ave  rail. 

go"  was  given  from  the  quarter-deck;  a  splash  was 
lieard  in  the  water  :  the  immense  iron  cable  rattled 
through  its  hawse-holes  ;  the  Imperial  swung  round 
with  the  tide  ;  and  before  those  on  board,  both  pas- 
sengers and  sailors,  was  spread  the  magnificent  har- 
bor of  New  York.  On  one  side  lay  Staten  Island  ; 
the  slopes  of  which  were  covered  with  many  pictu- 
resque edifices,  painted  generally,  in  accordance 
with  established  rules,  a  pure  white  ;  to  leeward,  at 
some  distance,  a  couple  of  forts  were  to  be  seen, 
with  tier  upon  tier  of  formidable  looking  guns  ;  fur- 
ther inland,  a  few  rounded  islets  Avere  observed, 
clothed  apparently  in  a  uniform  tint  of  green  ;  a 
busy  steamer,  here  and  there,  plied  backward  and 
forward  through  the  waters ;  while  beyond  all,  the 
spires  and  prominent  edifices  of  the  mighty  Gotham 
itself  loomed  up,  in  distant  perspective,  on  the  far 
off  horizon.  A  cheer  was  at  once  given  by  the  emi- 
grants on  board  the  Imperial,  for  now  that  their 
voyage  was  terminated,  they  all  seemed  gratified 
that  the  hope  of  placing  their  feet  on  tei-ra  finna 
would  soon  be  realized. 

Among  the  passengers  who  appeared  on  the 
deck  of  the  Imperial  at  this  time,  was  a  youth  of 
rather  slim  appearance  as  far  as  externals  are  con- 
cerned, and  whose  name  we  have  already  promul- 
gated on  our  title  page,  Guy  Averall.  Guy's  father 
was  a  man  who  had  led  a  somewhat  irregular  life ; 
and  who,  as  far  his  influence  could  possibly  extend, 
intended  apparently  that  his  son  .should  lead  an  ir- 
regular life  also.  When  young  the  boy  had  the 
promise  of  a  fair  education  ;  but  unfortunately  for 
him  his  father,  who  followed  the  profession  of  gen- 

R8C 


Guy  Ave  rail.  ii 

tleman  at  large,  could  not  sustain  him  in  this  career; 
so  the  higher  knowledge  had  to  be  abandoned,  and 
in  its  place  was  substituted  such  training  as  an  ordi- 
nary National  School  could  give.  The  elder  Aver- 
all  now  resolved  to  emigrate  to  the  Colonies,  and 
accordingly  Guy  was  turned  over  to  the  care  of  a 
widowed  aunt,  and  the  father  set  off  for  Australia. 
How  he  prospered  in  that  far  off  country  no  one 
ever  learned  ;  meanwhile,  however,  the  aunt  be- 
stowed on  the  boy  that  care  which  most  women  will 
exhibit  to  a  woe-begone  nephew  and  a  sister's  moth- 
erless child.  She  accordingly  gave  Guy  such  instruc- 
tions in  morality  and  religion  as  his  age  seemed  to 
demand  ;  permitted  him,  when  not  employed  on 
errands  or  working  in  her  garden,  to  read  such  vol- 
umes of  a  devotional  and  theologic  nature  as  her 
house  contained ;  saw  that  he  was  dressed  for 
Church  on  Sunday,  and  could  repeat,  in  a  credita- 
ble manner,  the  ten  Commandments  and  the  Lord's 
Prayer  ;  warned  him  against  all  boys  of  his  age 
who  told  lies  or  swore  ;  and  if  at  any  time,  in  sheer 
waywardness,  he  evinced  a  taste  for  rowdying  ser- 
vant men,  itinerant  ballad  singers  or  other  low 
company,  the  aunt  endeavored  to  impress  on  the 
youth  a  proper  idea  of  his  own  station  in  life,  telling 
him  that  the  Averalls  after  all,  were  not  so  degen- 
erate a  stock  as  they  might  seem,  that  some  of  them 
actually  kept  out  of  jail  and  paid  their  debts  ;  and 
that  none  of  the  breed  ever  came  to  disgrace,  except 
through  the  pressure  of  the  hard  times,  when 
coupled  perhaps  with  their  own  extravagance,  want 
of  foresight,  or  other  accidental  fault. 

As  to  Guy  himself,  he  listened  to  this  recital  over 


12  Guy  Ave  rail. 

and  over  again  till  he  knew  it  all  by  heart,  and 
resolved  within  himself,  to  retrieve  the  fortune  of 
the  Averalls,  if  he  only  had  a  chance  of  escaping 
to  the  continent  of  America.  He  pondered  on  this 
subject  long  and  earnestly,  but  was  nevertheless 
afraid  to  broach  the  matter  to  his  aunt,  so  much 
was  he  fearful  of  the  disapproval  of  his  worthy  old 
relative.  He  however,  kept  the  plan  concealed  in 
his  secret  heart,  and  whenever  he  could  gather  any 
scrap  of  information  from  some  traveller  who  had 
visited  the  great  West,  he  was  careful  to  hide  away 
the  knowledge  as  so  much  "treasure  trove,"  whose 
use  would  depend  on  future  opportunities.  "  If  I 
were  only  free  from  this  state  of  servitude  in  which 
I  am  now  placed,"  he  would  exclaim,  "  how  happy 
I  would  be  with  unlimited  freedom  before  me."  At 
length  the  wishes  of  our  hero  for  rambling  were 
gratified,  for  one  morning  his  aunt  approached  him 
with  tears  in  her  eyes,  saying  she  had  just  received 
a  letter  from  Australia,  that  his  father,  who  had 
recently  been  employed  as  assistant  on  a  sheep 
farm,  was  now  dead  ;  that  what  was  worse,  he  bade 
adieu  to  the  world  without  leaving  a  penny  to  his 
name;  that  the  funds  left  in  her  hands  belonging  to 
Guy  were  nearly  all  exhausted  ;  that  she  had  noth- 
ing in  the  world  but  a  mere  maintenance  for  herself; 
and  since  the  boy  in  the  natural  cause  of  events 
must  soon  leave  her  side,  she  therefore  recom- 
mended him  to  take  his  proper  portion,  seven 
pounds,  ten  shilling  and  one  penny,  go  to  Liverpool, 
secure  a  passage  to  Kamchatka,  to  Calcutta,  to  the 
Straits  of  Babelmandel  or  anywhere  else,  provided 
only  he  would  get  well  out  of  the  way,  and  never 


Guy  Ave  rail.  ij 

trouble  her  in  the  future  for  clothing,  advice,  assist- 
ance or  anything  else.  Guy  received  this  news 
with  fear  and  trembling ;  was  sorry,  of  course,  as 
all  boys  of  sixteen  are,  to  hear  that  his  father  was 
really  dead  ;  cogitated  for  some  time  on  his  future 
prospects ;  told  his  aunt  that  America  was  the  soil 
that  had  always  been  dearest  to  his  heart ;  and  then 
declared  his  resolution  to  follow  the  course  that 
his  guardian  had  suggested.  "  Never  in  the  future," 
said  he,  "  will  I  impose  myself  in  any  way  on  my 
relatives,  even  if  the  obligation  should  only  entail 
the  expenditure  of  half  an  hour's  trouble,  or  the 
outlay  of  a  groat,  in  ready  cash,  on  their  part." 

As  he  stood  on  the  deck  of  the  Imperial  the 
bosom  of  the  young  rambler  was  filled  with  a  fine 
enthusiasm,  while  his  meditations  ran  somewhat  in 
the  following  way.  "Well,  here  I  am,  with  the 
vast  American  continent  before  me— a  continent 
which  some  have  abused  and  some  have  praised,  but 
in  which  I  am  determined  to  earn  an  honest  living, 
as  far  as  the  laws  and  my  own  strength  will  allow 
me.  To  be  sure  my  purse  is  light,  but  what  of  that 
—as  long  as  I  have  hands  by  my  side,  I  need  not 
be  afraid  for  food  and  raiment.  Friends  and  advi- 
sers I  have  none,  but  must  not  every  one  eventually 
become  chief  counsel  to  himself,  and  why  may  I  not 
assume,  at  this  instant,  a  task  which  in  the  long  run 
becomes  inevitable.?  As  to  books,  I  never  have 
had  any  very  regulaj  instruction  in  them,  and  that, 
I  suppose,  is  some  loss  ;  still  I  have  common  sense,' 
and  two  good  eyes  in  my  head,  and  that  surely  must 
count  for  something.  Let  the  world  then  be  my 
mstructor,  as  it  has  been  to  many  others  ;  let  me  do 


14  Guy  Aver  all. 

the  duty  that  is  set  before  me  day  after  day;  and  as 
to  the  rest,  let  those  who  are  blessed  with  worldly 
pelf,  enjoy  their  future  as  they  choose,  but  Guy 
Averall  will  remain  satisfied  provided  he  be  allowed 
to  earn  his  bread  in  decent  guise,  and  suffered  to 
live  and  die  as  an  honest  man." 

II. 

The  sentiments  thus  uttered  by  our  friend  Guy 
were  commendable  in  the  extreme,  as  every  well 
disposed  person  will  admit ;  how  far  his  subsequent 
actions  corresponded  with  his  words  will  sufficiently 
appear  in  the  sequel.  The  day  after  the  arrival  of 
the  Imperial  at  her  anchorage,  a  tug  came  alongside 
that  vessel,  the  passengers  got  aboard,  and  in  a 
couple  of  hours  were  transferred  to  one  of  the 
wharves  in  the  lower  part  of  New  York.  Guy 
found  no  difficulty  in  securing  a  boarding  house, 
such  as  suited  his  humble  means,  and  after  perform- 
ing his  ablutions  and  examining  the  contents  of  his 
wallet,  he  determined  to  take  a  stroll  around  the 
streets  of  the  metropolis.  He  accordingly  sought 
the  extremities  of  Greenwich  and  of  Washington 
Streets,  and  wandered  up  and  down  them  for  a 
while.  The  first  thing  that  attracted  his  attention 
was  the  number  of  signs  in  German  letters,  stuck 
here  and  there  on  the  houses  in  that  particular 
region,  a  fact  strongly  suggestive  of  the  cosmopoli- 
tan nature  of  the  residents  of  tiiat  particular  locality. 
Guy  entered  one  of  these  establishments  in  sheer 
listleness,  and  forthwith  began  to  note  the  various 
incidents  that  he  saw.  The  inhabitants  of  the 
place,  as  far  as  he  was  able  to  observe,  seemed  to 


Guy  Averall.  15 

be  an  extremely  good  natured  race  ;  for  three  or 
four  stalwart  looking  fellows,  with  stomachs  of  com- 
fortable dimensions,  were  congregated  round  a  small 
table  in  a  "  saloon  ;  "  shouting,  gesticulating,  and 
kissing  each  other  over  their  glasses  of  lager,  in  a 
way  which  utterly  confounded  our  young  adven- 
turer. Guy  now  began  to  look  around  for  some  of 
his  own  countrymen,  nor  were  they  hard  to  find  ; 
bold,  haughty,  independent  fellows,  with  a  certain 
Erin-go-bragh  air  about  them  which  did  his  heart 
good  ;  and  served  on  the  instant  to  recall  the  war- 
like deeds  of  Wellington,  Beresford,  Meagher, 
Mitchell  and  other  illustrious  heroes,  who  had  made 
the  name  of  Irishmen  illustrious  in  all  quarters  of 
the  globe,  where  the  Hibernian  accent  is  heard,  or 
the  praise  of  the  Hibernian  people  is  spoken.  Next 
Master  Averall  wandered  into  Broadway,  and  in 
spite  of  his  best  efforts  to  appear  indifferent,  the 
youth  found  himself  amazed  and  stupefied  by  the 
noise  and  bustle  which  surrounded  him  on  all  sides. 
What  a  wonderful  place,  to  the  stranger,  this  Broad- 
way is  !  How  alert  and  withal  how  determined  each 
person  appeared  to  be ;  how  eagerly  each  one 
seemed  to  fulfil  his  particular  errand  ;  how  energetic 
the  accents  with  which  all  spoke  !  Guy  felt  as 
though  he  were  a  mere  infant  in  such  a  busy  throng, 
and  wondered  if  ever  he  would  be  able  to  hold  his 
own  in  sucli  a  bustling  locality  as  this  thoroughfare. 
Walking  ©n,  his  eyes  were  soon  greeted  by  a  new 
sight.  This  was  an  edifice,  four  or  five  stories  in 
height,  painted  all  over  with  the  most  grotesque 
combination  of  mermaid,  animal  and  woolly  horse, 
and  supporting  a  balcony  from  which   six  stalwart 


1 6  Guy  Averall. 

.musicians,  with  brass  trumpets  in  hand,  diffused 
celestial  harmony  on  the  breeze.  It  is  needless  to 
say  that  the  house,  now  before  our  friend,  was  ap- 
propriated by  the  great  Barnum,  the  prince  of 
showman,  the  man  who  had  exhibited  Joice  Heath 
and  General  Tom  Thumb,  and  whose  efforts  in 
parading  himself  before  the  public,  in  a  profes- 
sional sense,  had  made  him  the  idol  and  wonder  of 
most  young  Americans,  Still  going  onward,  a  church 
was  next  seen  with  outlying  tombstones,  and  images 
of  dear  though  half-forgotten  saints  ;  and  after  this 
other  streets  and  other  edifices,  big  with  trade,  were 
passed,  and  still  the  great  tide  of  humanity  swept 
onward,  in  either  direction,  on  the  sidewalks.  Tiie 
absence  of  the  mere  lounger  was  somewhat  remark- 
able to  the  eye  of  the  stranger,  none  of  your  well- 
to-do  professional  gentlemen,  such  as  are  met  with 
in  other  capitals,  appeared  to  be  in  sight;  everyone 
present  seemed  to  have  some  object  in  view,  and 
was  anxious  apparently  to  accomplish  it,  in  as  little 
time  as  possible.  At  length  Guy  became  tired  of 
this  ceaseless  activity,  and  stopping  before  a  house 
in  process  of  construction,  he  asked  the  Superin- 
tendent the  time  of  day,  and  Avas  duly  informed  it 
was  about  noon.  As  dinner  with  a  youngster  is  a 
most  important  item,  our  friend  now  resolved  to 
retrace  his  steps,  and  seek  that  part  of  the  city  from 
from  which  he  had  started  a  few  hours  previous. 

On  his  way  back,  to  his  lodgings,  quite  a  little 
incident  occurred,  for  Averall  was  fortunate  enough 
to  encounter  a  most  interesting  acquaintance.  As 
he  sauntered  along  the  foot-path,  in  the  vicinity  of 
the    park,   a   gentleman   in   black   broadcloth,   with 


Gfjy  Ave  rail.  17 

white  neck  tie  and  patent  leather  boots,  who  looked 
very  much  as  though  he  were  a  clergyman  of  the 
Episcopal  church,  overtook  our  friend,  and  asked  if 
an  emigrant  vessel  had  not  discharged  her  passen- 
gers that  morning  near  the  Battery  ?  Guy  informed 
the  stranger  that  such  was  the  case,  when  his  rever- 
ence volunteered  the  information  that  he  was  in 
search  of  some  friends  of  his,  whom  he  expected 
on  the  Imperial  that  very  morning.  Guy  now 
asked  the  name  of  these  expected  friends  when  that 
of  Smith  was  given,  and  the  question  afterwards 
put  if  our.  adventurer  had  heard  of  any  person, 
who  had  answered  to  that  title,  among  the  passen- 
gets  ?  Now  Smith  being  such  an  uncommon  name, 
it  did  indeed-  seem  strange  that  any  one  answering 
to  that  cognomen  should  have  been  on  board.  Guy, 
however,  made  answer  that  two  distinct  Smiths  were 
known  to  him,  as  passengers  on  the  Imperial  ;  one 
of  them  he  believed  had  intended  to  emigrate  to 
the  Far  West  ;  and  the  other,  a  young  man,  was  in 
search  of  a  relative  who  was  now  a  resident  of  New 
York. 

"  That  is  he — that  is  he — I've  found  him  out," 
said  the  stranger,  glad  evidently  to  get  the  informa- 
tion, "  the  young  rascal  shall  soon  be  within  my  own 
clutches.  I've  just  had  a  letter  from  his  sister-in- 
law,  my  own  cousin,  telling  me  to  look  out  for  the 
good  for  nothing  scapegrace."  And  without  more 
ado,  Master  Averall  and  his  new  found  friend,  set 
out  in  company  towards  the  Battery. 

During  the  ramble  the  stranger  became  very 
communicative,  and  imparted  a  whole  host  of  infor- 
mation about  the  United  States  in  general,  and  him- 


1 8  Guy  Ave  rail. 

self  in  particular.  It  now  appeared  that  Guy's 
friend  was  not  in  reality  a  clergyman,  but  simply  a 
retired  merchant,  for,  according  to  his  account,  he 
had  emigrated  from  the  town  of  Belfast  some 
twenty-five  years  previously.  His  first  employment 
he  said,  after  landing  in  New  York,  was  to  roll  a 
barrel  of  sugar  into  a  cellar,  for  which  achievement 
he  received  the  princely  sum  of  twenty-five  cents. 
His  next  move  was  to  open  a  small  grocery  store, 
where  families  were  supplied  with  most  excellent 
tea  ;  afterwards  he  sent  out  a  schooner  to  the  West 
Indies,  with  a  cargo  of  flour  on  board,  and  in  re- 
turn brought  back  a  load  of  molasses.  The  follow- 
ing season  he  sent  out  two  schooners  instead  of  one, 
which  fleet  was  subsequently  increased  to  half  a 
dozen.  Thus  he  had  gone  on,  sending  out  more 
vessels,  year  after  year,  till  now  he  had  no  less  than 
fifty  full-rigged  ships  at  sea,  and  was  worth  five 
million  of  dollars  if  he  was  worth  a  cent,  *'  It  is  all 
owing  to  the  spirit  of  enterprise  and  a  protecting 
Providence,"  said  the  merchant  with  a  sigh,  "  these 
things  I  look  to  as  the  efficient  cause  of  my  good 
luck — if  young  men  would  only  exhibit  the  correct 
spirit  of  enterprise,  and  trust  to  Divine  Providence, 
when  they  land  on  these  shores,  they  might  be  all 
worth  their  millions,  like  me,  before  they  reach  the 
age  of  thirty." 

Just  at  that  instant  the  wayfarers  approached  a 
*•  store  "  in  which  a  great  clatter  was  audible,  and 
looking  in,  Guy  observed  a  man,  standing  on  a 
chair  behind  the  counter,  repeating  at  the  same 
time  the  words  "  twenty-five,  twenty-five,  twenty- 
five,"  with  a  sort  of  crazy  volubility  which  was  in 


Guy  Aver  all,  19 

itself  almost  astounding-  The  youth  was  now  about 
to  proceed  onward,  when  the  sugar  merchant  stop- 
ped him  and  said  "hold  on  for  a  second  or  two,  let 
us  see  what  this  is."  Young  Averall  accordingly- 
glanced  in  once  more,  and  noticed  the  auctioneer, 
for  such  he  was,  holding  a  watch  in  his  hand,  and 
bidding  it  off  at  the  same  time,  for  the  sum  of  six 
dollars  and  twenty-five  cents. 

"  Twenty-five,  twenty-five,  twenty-five  only  offer- 
ed," said  the  seller  of  chronometers,  starting  for- 
ward once  more  in  his  mad  career,  "  who  says  six 
dollars  and  fifty  cents  for  that  beautiful  Geneva 
watch,  made  in  the  city  of  Paris,  jewelled  in  four 
holes,  lever  movement,  compensation  balance,  and 
all  the  modern  improvements.  Cost  price  eighteen 
dollars  and  a  half  as  imported  by  myself — selling 
off  the  lot  so  as  to  make  room  for  a  new  invoice — 
determined  to  sacrifice  them  at  almost  any  price. 
Young  man  don't  you  wish  to  invest  in  this  time- 
keeper— just  look  at  it  if  you  please — worth  twenty- 
five  dollars  if  it  is  worth  a  single  dime  at  this  in- 
stant. 

Guy  took  the  watch  and  examined  it  for  an  in- 
stant. It  was  a  beautiful  article,  such  as  any  young 
man  of  sixteen  might  be  proud  of  ;  the  back  was 
enameled  with  jet  and  gold,  while  the  dial  presented 
the  figure  of  a  cupid  surrounded  by  roses,  the  most 
captivating  picture  that  could  possibly  be  imagined. 
As  was  quite  natural  our  friend  Averall  Vanted  the 
watch,  but  recollecting  he  had  but  six  dollars  and  a 
half  in  his  purse,  he  deemed  it  somewhat  imprudent 
to  spend  so  much  of  his  cash  capital  in  a  single 
article  of  luxury-     He  accordingly  was  on  the  point 


20  Guy  Aver  all. 

of  handing  back  the  time-keeper,  when  his  friend, 
the  sugar  merchant,  stepped  up  to  his  side  and  whis- 
pered sotto  voce  :  '*  I'd  recommend  you  to  bid  upon 
that  watch — cheap  as  dirt — nothing  like  commercial 
enterprise — made  all  my  money  by  investing,  at 
times  in  a  proper  way  ;  you'll  certainly  double  your 
capital  on  that  watch  before  this  day  week." 

This  announcement  was  pleasant,  and  filled  Guy 
Averall  with  the  highest  hopes.  He  certainly  should 
have  liked  to  double  his  money  in  the  course  of  the 
ensuing  seven  days,  but  recollecting  his  means  were 
but  small,  he  judged  it  somewhat  imprudent  to  stake 
his  entire  wealth  on  a  single  venture.  He  accord- 
ingly hesitated  for  a  while,  and  then  informed  his 
friend  that  the  contents  of  his  purse  at  present,  were 
but  limited,  and  therefore  he  did  not  care  about 
making  the  purchase. 

"But  nonsense,  my  dear  young  man,"  was  the 
answer,  *'  you  make  a  great  mistake  if  you  allow  this 
chance  to  slip.  Why,  that  beautiful  gold  watch  with 
the  enameled  back  is  a  treasure,  and  is  offered  for 
one-third  of  its  real  value." 

"  That  may  be,"  was  the  response,  "but  a  bird 
in  the  hand  is  worth  two  in  the  bush,  as  my  grand- 
mother once  said,  and  at  present  I  am  inclined  to 
hold  on  to  my  money." 

"Oh  pshaw!  nonsense,"  said  the  merchant, 
"  these  are  only  your  old-fashioned  conservative 
notions.  Enterprise,  my  dear  sir,  is  the  only  thing 
one  requires  to  succeed  in  New  York.  Won't  buy 
it!  I'm  really  sorry  you  hav'nt  more  discernment. 
But  stay,  I'd  like  to  purchase  that  watch  myself,  so 
I'll  make  a  bid.     Six  fifty,  Mister  Auctioneer,' if  you 


Guy  Avcrall.  21 

please."  The  auctioneer  accepted  the  additional 
sum,  and  commenced  rattling  off  the  words  "six 
fifty,  six  fifty,  going  at  six  fifty,"  in  the  same  mad 
tone  as  before. 

This  seemed  all  right,  but  in  another  second  an 
additional  quarter  of  a  dollar  was  offered,  and  the 
chance  of  getting  the  chronometer  seemed  to  be 
against  our  friend. 

"  I'll  have  that  watch  or  I'll  die,"  said  the  ship 
owner  in  apparent  desperation."  Here  take  my 
pocket  book  and  bid  for  it.  Hold  on,  though,  I've 
nothing  on  hand  less  than  a  ten  thousand  dollar 
check,  and  they  cannot  change  that  here.  Just  bid 
for  the  watch  and  hold  on  to  it,  till  I  come  back 
from  the  Bank,  when  I  promise  to  refund  your 
money  with  interest." 

"  But  stay,"  said  Guy,  "  I  don't " 

"  Nonsense,  man,"  said  the  sugar  merchant  with- 
out permitting  Guy  to  finish  the  sentence.  "I'll 
have  that  watch  in  spite  of  fate.  You  can  even  bid 
seven  dollars  for  it,  rather  than  that  I  should  miss 
it  when  away." 

The  auctioneer  now  saw  proper  to  take  up  the 
cry  of  seven  dollars,  as  if  really  bid,  and  before 
Guy  had  time  to  bless  himself,  the  beautiful  Swiss 
watch,  manufactured  in  the  city  of  Paris,  and  jew- 
elled in  four  holes,  was  knocked  down  to  our  friend 
for  the  aforesaid  sum. 

"  There  now,  it's  a  bargain  ;  I'm  glad  of  it," 
said  the  shipowner.  "  Just  pay  the  seven  dollars 
and  take  the  watch,  and  I'll  be  back  with  you  in 
ten  seconds." 

"But,"  said  Guy,  by  way  of  expostulation,  "there 


22  Guy  Ave  rail. 

surely  is  a  mistake  in  this  thing.  I  certainly  did 
not  bid  for  the  watch.  You  yourself  are  respon- 
sible for  the  bargain." 

"  So  I  am — responsible  for  anything  I  say^ust 
settle  with  the  clerk  yonder,  and  we  will  soon  make 
the  matter  all  right." 

"  But,  my  dear  sir,  you  are  in  error,"  said  Guy. 

"  Nonsense,  man,  nonsense,"  was  the  response, 
"I'm  not  in  error.  I  know  very  well  what  I'm 
about." 

Guy  now  found  that  there  was  no  use  in  trifling 
any  longer  with  his  acquaintance,  and  although 
somewhat  sorry  to  differ  from  the  sugar  merchant, 
he  nevertheless  did  look  that  individual  straight  in 
the  face,  paused  for  a  second  or  two,  and  then 
remarked  that  he  would  neither  take  the  watch  nor 
pay  a  penny  towards  completing  the  bargain. 

*'  Who  is  to  settle  for  this  1  "  shouted  the  auc- 
tioneer, who  meanwhile  seemed  tired  of  the  noisy 
altercation. 

"  You  are,"  said  the  sugar  merchant,  pointing  to 
Guy. 

"  No  I'm  not,"  remarked  our  hero  quite  boldly. 

"  Yes  you  are,"  was  the  response. 

"  I  deny  it,"  was  the  rejoinder. 

"  We  heard  you  bid  for  the  watch,"  shouted  a 
gentleman  with  a  large  gold  ring  on  his  finger  in  the 
opposite  corner  of  the  room. 

"  Who  ?  "  said  Guy. 

"  You,"  was  the  answer, 

"  I  never  did  such  a  things  in  the  course  of  my 
life,  never  on  my  word  of  honor,"  responded  Guy, 
who  was  now  pretty  well  frightened  at  the  predica- 


Guy  Ave  rail.  23 

ment  in  which  he  found  himself,  and  only  wished  he 
was  rid  of  sugar  merchant,  auctioneer,  the  man  with 
the  large  ring  on  his  finger,  and  every  one  else  in 
the  establishment. 

"  We'll  carry  you  off  to  jail,"  shouted  the  auc- 
tioneer who  forthwith  laid  hold  of  Guy's  coat. 

"  Police  !  Police  !  "  shouted  Guy,  But  no  police 
were  to  be  found,  for  as  soon  as  the  tumult  became 
audible,  the  members  of  that  efficient  force  all  took 
to  their  heels  and  fled. 

A  grand  uproar  now  followed.  The  auctioneer 
taking  hold  of  Guy,  dragged  him  in  one  direction, 
while  the  sugar  merchant,  who  still  seemed  his 
friend,  undertook  to  pull  him  in  another.  They 
hauled  and  twisted  Guy  about  in  various  directions, 
and  it  is  possible  that  Master  Averall  w^ould  have 
been  torn  in  pieces  among  them,  when  luckily  a 
dcus  ex  machina  appeared  at  this  instant  in  the  per- 
son of  a  man,  of  about  twenty-eight  or  thirty  years  of 
age,  who  possessed  a  handsome,  well-formed  figure 
and  erect  bearing,  and  who  seemed  to  be  passing 
down  Broadway  at  that  instant.  Hearing  the  noise, 
the  stranger  came  to  a  halt ;  when  Guy,  after  a  little 
delay,  contrived  to  inform  him  of  all  that  had  hap- 
pened, how  he  met  his  clerical  friend  up  town,  how 
the  latter  pretended  to  be  in  quest  of  a  relative 
whom  he  had  expected  that  morning,  how  Guy  had 
been  induced  to  attend  the  watch  auction,  and 
finally  how  an  attempt  had  been  made  to  force  an 
article  on  him  that  he  neither  desired  nor  felt  him- 
self able  to  purchase.  As  soon  as  this  recital  was 
finished,  the  stranger  paused  for  a  second  or  two, 
looked  at  the  auctioneer,  sugar  merchant  and  clerk  I 


24  Guy  Aver  all. 

revealed  the  letters  U.  S.  on  his  cap,  and  then 
coupled  the  demonstration  with  a  tirade,  Avhich  cer- 
tainly was  not  unmerited  when  applied  to  the  per- 
sonages before  him. 

"  You  contemptible  set  of  fellows,"  said  he, 
"have  you  no  way  to  exist  except  by  defrauding 
every  stranger  that  falls  a  victim  to  your  clutches  ? 
Why  do  you  not  go  and  earn  an  honest  living  in 
some  fashion,  rather  than  exist  as  miserable  cheats  ?  " 
Then  turning  to  Guy  the  lecturer  continued.  "  You 
are  a  stranger  here,  I  see,  let  me  therefore  give  you 
a  word  of  advice.  Leave  this  place  in  as  little  time 
as  possible  ;  for  older  personages  than  you  have 
been  swindled  in  New  York.  And,  if  at  any  time 
you  visit  this  city  in  the  future,  beware  of  these 
large  sugar  merchants  whom  we  meet  occasionally  on 
Broadway.  They  may  be  honest,  for  Heaven  forbid 
that  I  should  deny  that  honest  men  may  not  be 
found  even  here  ;  but  when  a  big  millionaire,  with 
thirty  ships  in  the  ocean,  chooses  to  exhibit  the  pro- 
found interest  in  you  that  this  gentleman  has  shown, 
it  is  ten  to  one  he  has  a  design  on  your  purse,  and 
the  sooner  you  get  out  of  his  way  the  better." 

Such  were  the  words  of  the  speaker,  which  Guy 
received  open-mouthed,  not  knowing  what  answer 
to  attempt,  although  feeling  somewhat  ashamed  at 
the  time  of  being  cauglit  in  such  a  ridiculous  situa- 
tion. Guy  would  have  thanked  his  protector  for  his 
good  offices  on  the  occasion,  but  somehow  or  other 
his  tongue  stuck  to  his  palate,  and  he  could  not  find 
a  single  word  to  say,  either  by  way  of  excuse, 
thanks  or  justification.  The  stranger  seeing  the 
lad's  embarrassment,  did  not  care  apparently  to  add 


Guy  Averall.  25 

to  It  by  prolonging  the  discourse — he  simply  made 
Guy  a  bow,  and  then  took  the  opposite  direction  on 
the  street.  Going  away,  Guy  looked  at  him  for  a 
while,  as  if  he  were  a  veritable  saviour,  and  then  in 
a  demure  and  very  quiet  manner,  the  young  man 
sought  the  retirement  of  his  own  "  hotel."  Recall- 
ing the  events  of  that  day,  he  thought  he  had 
discovered  a  great  deal  that  was  admirable  and 
interesting  in  the  metropolitan  city  of  America. 
He  commended  the  length  of  its  streets,  the  height 
of  its  houses,  the  width  of  its  avenue,  and  above  all 
the  spirit  of  enterprise  and  industry  that  was  every- 
where displayed.  But  how  a  respectably  dressed 
gentleman,  with  a  clerical  necktie,  and  patent  leather 
boots,  should  so  far  demean  himself  as  to  be  impli- 
cated in  an  attempt  to  palm  off  a  trumpery,  worth- 
less watch  on  a  poor  emigrant,  was  more  than  he 
could  exactly  determine. 

III. 
We  have  it  on  record,  that  when  that  eminent 
philosopher,  Benjamin  Franklin,  first  visited  the 
city  of  Philadelphia,  he  bought  three  large  loaves 
for  a  penny  a  piece,  ate  one  of  them  for  breakfast 
and  putting  the  others,  each  under  an  arm,  he  car- 
ried them  round  several  squares  in  the  city  of  Broth- 
erly Love,  and  finally  gave  them  away  to  some  des- 
titute person  whom  he  met  on  his  travels.  Now 
although  we  cannot  pretend  to  the  same  degree  of 
circumstantial  exactness,  in  describing  the  adven- 
tures of  young  Averall,  yet  this  much  appears  cer- 
tain, that  on  the  morning  following  his  encounter 
with  the  sugar  merchant,  Guy  did  eat  his  breakfast 


26  Guy  Aver  all. 

in  seasonable  time  ;  and  after  yawning  and  cogita- 
ting and  perambulating  around,  as  a  good-for-noth- 
ing fellow  is  apt  to  do.  he  finally  resolved  to  take 
the  advice  always  proferred,  and  seek  his  fortunes 
in  the  country.  "  Yes,  yes,"  said  he  to  himself,  as 
he  strolled  around  and  thrust  his  hand  contentedly 
into  his  pocket,  "my  adviser  of  yesterday  was  right, 
I  see  quite  distinctly  the  way  the  land  lies  in  this 
vicinity.  New  York,  I  have  no  doubt  is  a  very  cap- 
tivating place,  and  I  should  love  very  dearly  to  take 
another  promenade  in  Broadway,  yet  if  I  venture 
there,  some  other  sugar  merchant  or  large  million- 
aire might  come  across  my  path,  and  if  I  should  be 
so  unfortunate  as  to  fall  into  his  clutches,  then  lack- 
a-day,  what  would  become  of  Guy  Averall  ?  No, 
no,  I  wont  trifle  with  this  Delilah  any  longer,  I  will 
take  my  bundle  in  hand,  cross  the  broad  and  ma- 
jestic Hudson,  seek  the  quiet  of  a  country  life 
among  the  glades  and  sequestered  by-paths  of  New 
Jersey,  and  as  soon  as  I  get  settled  down  to  the 
enjoyment  of  my  new  existence,  I  will  laugh  at  all 
the  sugar  merchants  and  ship  owners  that  ever  set 
foot  on  Broadway.  Gracious!  who  knows,  in  the  long 
run,  but  I  might  find  that  chief  treasure  that  every 
man  is  seeking,  a  wife,  in  that  very  land  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  river.  There  is  luck  in  store 
for  Guy  Averall  as  yet,  even  admitting  that  his  first 
adventure  in  America  was  somewhat  unpropitious. 
Yes,  yes,  I  have  it ;  the  great  object  I  should  aim  at 
is  simply  a  quiet  farm  nouse,  with  rural  simplicity 
and  rustic  ease,  and  a  "  maid  who  is  lovely  to  soul 
and  to  eye,"  as  my  countryman  Moore  sings — ah, 
yes !    that   indeed    would   be    felicity.      And   here 


Guy  Ave  rail. 


27 


Guy  Averall,  who  was  not  by  any  means  entirely 
destitute  of  poetical  sentiment,  began  repeating  the 
words  of  the  author  just  mentioned. 

"I  knew  by  the  smoke  that  so  gracefully  curled 
Above  the  green  elms  that  a  cottage  was  near, 
And  I  said  if  there's  peace  to  be  found  in  the  world 
For  a  heart  that  is  humble,  it  should  seek  for  it  here, 
A  heart  that  is  humble,  should  seek  for  it  here." 

Just  as  Guy  had  finished  this  beautiful  lyric, 
from  which  the  foregoing  verse  is  an  extract,  his 
meditations  were  cut  short,  for  three  or  four  gentle- 
men in  military  uniform  passed  him  in  the  street. 
Guy,  of  course,  had  seen  soldiers  before— British 
soldiers,  in  red  coats,  if  you  please,  and  at  times 
had  even  felt  a  sort  of  enthusiasm  for  the  fife  and 
drum;  but  with  the  prospect  immediately  before 
him,  does  any  one  imagine  he  should  seriously 
adopt  the  profession  of  arms  !  Certainly  not,  the 
thing  was  impossible,  his  own  heart  told  him  there 
was  better  things  than  a  musket  and  bayonet  in 
store  for  him  among  the  corn  fields,  and  green  cap- 
ped woods  of  America,  So  without  reflecting  any 
further  on  "  battle  shout,  and  waving  plume,"  our 
friend  once  more  sought  the  interior  of  his  lodging 
hoijse,  where  he  instantly  completed  such  prepara- 
tions as  were  necessary  before  leaving  the  city. 

In  due  time  after  this.  Master  Averall  sought  one 
of  the  ferry  boats  which  cross  the  North  River,  and 
before  many  minutes  he  found  himself  on  the  oppo- 
site bank  of  the  Hudson.  Entering  the  railway 
car,  which  was  to  convey  him  for  some  distance 
into  the  Jerseys,  he  picked  up  an  old  newspaper, 
lying  on  a  seat,  and  began  to  read.     The  first  thing 


2  8  Guy  Ave  rail, 

that  attracted  the  attention  of  our  adventurer  was"a 
paragraph  about  the  respective  merits  of  the  Whigs 
and  the  Democrats,  the  two  parties  who  then  con- 
trolled the  destinies  of  the  country.  But  as  Guy,  at 
this  time,  was  totally  uninformed  respecting  the 
characteristics  of  these  factions,  he  found  it  impos- 
sible to  decide  on  their  respective  claims.  Further 
on,  he  came  to  a  leading  article,  in  which  the  sub- 
ject of  slavery  was  discussed,  and  wonderful  as  it 
may  now  seem,  that  old  wretch,  Horace  Greeley,  was 
delivered  to  all  the  pains  of  purgatory,  because  for- 
sooth he  advocated  the  strange  and  monstrous  doc- 
trine that  the  institution  of  slavery  was  shameful  in 
itself,  and  that  no  person  had  a  right  to  sell  another 
person,  just  as  if  he  were  a  beast  of  the  field,  even 
supposing  the  skin  of  the  unfortunate  victim  were 
black.  Now  Guy  was  not  an  abolitionist  at  this 
time,  he  never  had  attempted  the  role  of  liberator 
of  the  human  race,  his  own  necessities  in  fact,  were 
so  urgent,  just  then,  that  he  had  hardly  time  to 
think  of  freedom  or  liberty  or  emancipation  or  any- 
thing of  the  kind.  Still  it  did  seem  to  him,  that  the 
tone  of  the  article  he  had  been  reading  was  sadly 
out  of  place  in  a  Christian  land,  and  was  utterly  at 
variance  with  the  best  thoughts  and  instincts  of  the 
age  in  which  he  lived.  But  here  was  something 
which  pleased  him  much  better.  It  was  a  long 
article,  written  on  Ireland,  in  which  the  rascally 
oppressions  of  the  English  were  mentioned  with 
appropriate  comments;  and  then  the  virtues,  the 
valor,  the  generosity,  the  bravery  and  the  beauty  of 
the  down-trodden  race  were  eulogized  in  terms 
which  we  need  hardly  quote  in  this  place,  but  whose 


Guy  Ave  rail.  29 

fervid  style  of  eloquence  was  well  calculated  to 
arouse  one's  inmost  heart.  The  breast  of  Guy 
Averall  warmed  with  sympathy  as  soon  as  he  glanced 
over  this  article  ;  he  was  an  Irishman  himself,  and 
felt  an  Irishman's  sympathy  with  his  country,  he  was 
glad  to  see  that  here,  on  the  western  side  of  the 
Atlantic,  the  wrongs,  the  sufferings  and  the  merits 
of  his  native  land  were  fully  understood  ;  and  al- 
though scant  justice  was  given  to  an  Irishman  at 
home,  in  this  country  he  was  properly  appreciated. 
"  I  see,  I  see,"  said  he,  "  the  generous  tone  of  senti- 
ment which  prevails  in  the  western  world — I  see 
that  even  here  in  the  vicinity  of  New  York,  the 
down-trodden  patriot  has  a  welcome,  such  as  is 
rarely  accorded  him  in  other  places.  My  success  in 
America  is  certainly  assured  ;  those  bright  anticipa- 
tions in  which  I  indulged  this  morning  will  all  be  real- 
ized. I'll  rise  like  a  phoenix  from  my  burning  nest; 
and  watch  like  an  eagle  or  turkey  buzzard  for  my 
prey,  the  whole  of  New  Jersey  will  be  spread  under 
my  observing  eye,  and  zounds  when  the  proper  time 
comes,  and  a  fair  and  virtuous  widow,  for  instance, 
with  a  few  hundred  dollars  in  her  own  name,  is  seen 
far  beneath  me,  as  my  quarry,  I'll  descend  from  the 
sky  above  her,  in  one  fell  swoop,  and  never  will  cease 
billing  and  cooing,  till  I  can  claim  her  as  my  own 
personal  perquisite  and  plunder." 

Such  were  the  sentiments  that  found  place  in  the 
mind  of  Averall  at  that  instant  ;  do  not,  however, 
kind  reader,  set  him  down  as  a  mere  picaroon  on 
that  account,  for  many  a  man  as  lofty  and  generous 
as  Ccesar  himself,  would  under  similar  circumstances 
have  acted  and  felt  in  the  same  way. 


30  Guy  Aver  all. 

«■ 
IV. 
The  iron  horse  travelled  onward,  and  Guy  kept 
f  cogitating    and    laying   out   plans    for   the    future  ; 
[  finally  the  engine   gave   a  screech,   the  bell  on   it 
I  began  to  ring,  the  train  came  to  a  halt,  and  in  less 
'  than  five  seconds,  our  friend  found  himself  standing 
on  the  railway  platform  at  Newark.     "Hack,  sir,  do 
you  want  a  hack,"  vociferated  half  a  dozen  voices 
as  Averall  moved  to  the  street  outside.     But  Guy, 
like  another  Gloriana,  passed  unharmed  through  the 
surging  mass  of  his  countrymen  who  endeavored  to 
entrap  him,  and  ere  many  minutes  he  emerged  safe 
and  sound  into  the  street. 

Yes,  there  he  had  it  f  Those  red  brick  houses 
and  those  green  window  shutters,  the  usual  concom- 
itants of  an  American  town,  what  a  sermon  could 
be  preached  on  that  theme  !  But  we  forbear,  since 
some  critics  choose  to  characterize  the  combination 
as  beautiful,  picturesque  and  even  grand,  so  we 
have  no  desire  to  destroy  the  pleasing  illusion. 
Guy  doubtless  thought  Newark  a  very  fine  place,  so 
on  he  went,  wondering  at  everything  he  saw,  yet 
anxious  meanwhile  as  to  his  possible  chance  of 
obtaining  employment.  The  chief  enigma  with  him 
then  was,  in  what  direction  he  should  seek  for  work  ; 
for  Averall,  owing  to  the  lazy,  half-gentlemanly  way 
in  which  he  had  been  brought  up,  had  never  thought 
it  necessary  heretofore  to  apply  himself  to  any  given 
occupation.  Just  as  he  was  passing  a  livery  stable, 
however,  a  man  hailed  him,  and  asked  him  if  the 
"greenhorn"  wished  to  earn  a  few  dollars.  Guy 
was  only  too  glad  to  get  the  opportunity,  and  made 


Guy  Ave  rail.  31 

answer  accordingly,  when  numerous  questions  were 
put  as  to  the  lad's  previous  training,  to  what  labor 
he  had  been  accustomed,  and  other  inquiries  of  a 
similar  nature.  These  questions  having  been  an- 
swered in  as  satisfactory  a  manner  as  possible,  a 
bargain  finally  was  struck,  and  it  was  agreed  that 
Guy  was  to  be  taken  on  trial  for  a  month  by  his 
employer.  "  All  right,"  said  Averall.  "  I  am  con- 
tent. I'll  endeavor  to  do  my  best.  What  is  your 
name,  may  I  ask  ?  " 

"  Gore,"  was  the  answer,  "  no  matter,  however, 
about  that,  for  it  wont  affect  the  bargain  in  any  way. 
If  you  are  inclined  to  take  me  at  my  word,  get  into 
this  wagon,  and  before  very  long  you'll  find  your- 
self in  East  Greenville." 

According  to  command,  Guy  got  into  the  vehicle 
as  directed,  and  while  driving  on,  he  entered  into 
conversation  with  the  farmer,  and  found  him  to  be 
quite  a  companionable  man.  "  How  much  is  land 
worth  in  this  vicinity  ?  "  said  Guy,  who  seemed  to 
be  animated  with  a  laudable  desire  of  gaining  infor- 
mation on  all  subjects  of  general  interest. 

"  From  fifty  to  seventy-five  dollars  an  acre,  more 
or  less,  some  of  it  is  probably  worth  a  hundred. 
How  much  is  land  worth  in  Ireland,  may  I  ask.?  " 

"Don't  know  exactly.  I  can  only  guess  by  the 
rent  that  is  commonly  paid.  This  rent,  at  present, 
may  be  as  much  as  one  pound,  or  one  pound  ten, 
the  English  acre." 

"  Well,  let  me  see,"  said  the  farmer.  "  A  pound 
is  equal  to  five  dollars,  is  it  not,  so  one  pound  ten  is 
seven  dollars  and  a  half.  Allowing  five  per  cent, 
interest  as  a  fair  equivalent  for  the  purchase  money, 


32  Guy  Ave  rail. 

your  land  in  Ireland  then  must  be  somewhat  higher 
in  price  there,  than  it  is  here,  though  after  all  the 
difference  is  not  so  very  great." 

"Yes,"  said  Guy,  who  now  spoke  as  a  native, 
"  but  if  it  was  not  for  those  rascally  landlords  who 
always  oppress  us,  we  might  have  it  much  cheaper. 
These  scoundrels  rack  and  harass  their  tenants,  in 
every  possible  way,  and  finally  drive  them  out  of  the 
country.  If  it  were  not  for  the  landlords  we  might 
all  live  like  princes  in  Ireland.  In  a  certain  sense  I 
must  say  I  have  been  the  victim  of  landlord  oppres- 
sion myself." 

"Sorry  to  hear  you  say  that,"  said  the  farmer, 
*'  but  every  Irishman  I  have  met  for  the  last  ten 
years  complains  in  the  same  way."  So  with  these 
and  similar  discourses  both  parties  contrived  to  pass 
away  the  time,  while  they  travelled  along  the  com- 
mon country  road  which  leads  from  East  Greenville 
to  Newark. 

In  less  than  a  couple  of  hours  from  the  time  he 
was  engaged,  our  friend  reached  the  farm  of  his 
employer.  The  homestead  was  situated  just  under 
a  spur  of  the  Orange  mountains,  and  was  a  place  of 
rural  simplicity,  at  the  time  of  which  we  write  ; 
although  latterly  it  has  been  invaded  by  a  host  of 
people  from  New  York  City,  who  have  taken  up 
their  residence  in  East  Greenville,  and  have  some- 
what demoralized  the  early  training  of  the  inhabi- 
tants. At  the  time  spoken  of  everything  in  East 
Greenville  was  free  from  the  contamination  of  the 
city,  and  as  a  consequence  there  were  none  of  the 
bickerings,  rivalries,  and  evil  comparisons  which  we 
are  told  now  exist  there.     The  immediate  neighbor- 


Guy  Aver  all.  ^-^^ 

hood  of  Mr.  Gotc's  habitation  seemed  pleasant 
enough,  and  everything  around  the  farm  appeared 
to  be  in  excellent  order.  The  house  itself  was  sur- 
rounded by  a  neat  white-washed  paling;  at  a  short 
distance  from  it  was  a  large  wooden  barn,  half  filled 
with  hay,  and  between  these  two  was  the  barnyard, 
which  contained  a  number  of  sleek  looking  cattle, 
no  very  unpleasant  looking  objects,  be  it  remem- 
bered, to  the  thrifty  agriculturist.  Dinner  was  ready 
in  some  ten  or  fifteen  minutes  after  the  arrival  of 
Mr.  Gore,  when  master  and  man,  as  is  the  custom  in 
America,  sat  down  to  a  very  plentiful  meal.  There 
was  ham  and  eggs,  potatoes  and  choice  butter,  a  cup 
of  coffee  and  a  pumpkin  pie,  all  provided  in  regal 
profusion.  The  farmer's  wife,  a  very  neat  looking 
woman,  was  present ;  and  to  crown  all  her  niece. 
Miss  Jones,  a  young  lady  somewhat  older  than  Guy, 
made  her  appearance,  and  with  a  most  engaging 
smile  she  actually  sat  down  and  commenced  to  sip 
her  coffee.  The  youth  now  thought  that  his  lines 
♦  indeed  had  fallen  on  pleasant  places,  and  that  be- 
fore him  lay  a  goodly  heritage.  After  the  repast 
was  over  Guy  got  up,  and  assisted  his  employer  in 
attending  to  some  outside  work  till  evening ;  and 
when  all  was  over  and  supper  was  finished  our 
friend  sat  down  and  penned  a  most  dutiful  and 
respectful  epistle  to  his  aunt,  telling  her  of  the  suc- 
cess that  had  already  attended  his  steps  in  life ;  and 
expatiating  at  great  length  on  the  simplicity,  the 
good  manners,  and  the  absence  of  anything  approach- 
ing to  aristocratic  pride,  that  was  to  be  found 
among  the  rural  population  of  the  State  of  New 
Jersey. 


34  Guy  Averall. 

V. 

For  the  next  month  or  two  following  his  engage- 
ment with  Mr.  Gore,  our  friend  and  adventurer  led 
a  truly  contented  and  happy  life.  He  rose  up  early 
in  the  morning;  chopped  \vood ;  fed  the  hogs, 
horses  and  cows  about  the  establishment  ;  carried 
water  from  the  pump  into  the  house ;  and  now  and 
then,  by  way  of  variety,  he  started  a  fire  in  the 
kitchen.  At  six  o'clock  precisely  he  marched  in  to 
breakfast  ;  an  event,  by  the  way,  which  was  always 
heralded  by  the  music  from  a  big  tin  horn,  said 
instrument  being  usually  blown  by  the  sylph-like 
Miss  Jessie  herself.  The  breakfast  over,  Guy  took 
the  field  and  amused  himself  in  sundry  innocent 
ways — ploughing  corn,  pitching  hay,  hoeing  pota- 
toes, and  so  forth,  till  dinner.  Sometimes  the  pro- 
prietor accompanied  him  in  these  toils  ;  sometimes 
Guy  Averall  was  left  alone  at  work  while  his  em- 
ployer started  off  for  Newark.  In  almost  every 
respect  there  seemed  to  be  perfect  harmony  between 
the  two,  all  of  which  was  in  happy  contrast  with 
that  "  come-here-my-man  "  system  which  Guy  had 
occasionally  witnessed  in  the  plains  and  valleys  of  a 
certain  old  island.  At  twelve,  the  big  tin  horn 
sounded  once  more  as  the  signal  for  dinner ;  and  as 
Guy  was  blessed  with  a  glorious  appetite  at  this 
time,  it  is  needless  to  say  he  did  ample  justice  to  the 
cheer  that  was  habitually  set  before  him.  On  one 
of  these  occasions  Mr.  Gore  asked  Averall  "  if  there 
were  any  common  schools  in  Ireland  .-*  " 

"  Plenty  of  them,  "  said  Guy. 

"  Then  why  should  the  inhabitants  of  your  isle  be 


Guy  Aver  all.  35 

accused  of  such  deplorable  ignorance  ? "  inquired 
the  one. 

"That,"  said  Guy,  "is  a  question  which  I  can- 
not properly  answer.  " 

The  dinner  over,  both  parties  usually  sought  the 
field  again,  and  amused  themselves  in  muscular  ex- 
ertion of  various  kinds,  till  the  horn  gave  the  signal 
for  supper.  After  dispatching  this  meal,  the  cows 
were  again  milked,  the  hogs  and  horses  were  duly 
fed,  the  necessary  amount  of  wood  was  split  for  the 
ensuing  day,  and  at  the  hour  of  half-past  seven  or 
eight,  our  friend  and  adventurer  had  permission  to 
retire  to  bed.  As  to  sleep,  Guy  rested  like  a  top,  he 
usually  closed  his  eyes  in  ten  minutes  after  he  lay 
down,  and  never  opened  them  till  the  usual  trumpet 
awoke  him  from  his  slumbers  in  the  morning. 

As  to  Guy's  educational  progress  at  this  particular 
epoch,  it  was  in.  mere  book  matters  decidedly  slow. 
Except  indeed  for  an  hour  or  two  each  Sunday  after- 
noon, he  found  no  time  for  reading  whatever.  A 
good  many  little  scraps  of  information  were  never- 
theless picked  up  now  and  then  by  our  friend  as  a 
peripatetic  philosopher,  for  Mr.  Gore,  although  desir- 
ous of  a  good  day's  work,  was  not  a  Sphinx  by  any 
means  when  employed  in  the  fields,  and  as  far  as  his 
knowledge  went,  he  was  always  happy  to  give  Guy 
the  benefit  of  his  information.  Sometimes  they  dis- 
cussed politics  ;  when  the  master  generally  saw  fit 
to  give  his  opinion  on  current  events  as  a  New  Jersey 
whig,  sometimes  they  chatted  away  on  farming,  when 
the  advantages  of  each  particular  crop  was  discussed, 
then  George  Washington  and  the  Mexican  war  came 
in  for  a  turn  ;  and  Guy  Averall  was  duly  enlightened 


36  Guy  Aver  all. 

on  these  subjects.  And  thus  it  came  to  pass  that 
our  young  friend  came  to  consider  his  employer,  on 
the  whole,  as  a  very  intelligent  and  well  informed 
man,  and  did  not  see  the  slightest  objection  to  him 
as  a  possible  relative  in  the  future.  And  indeed 
this  admiration  seemed  mutual,  for  Mr.  Gore  on  one 
occasion,  saw  fit  to  flatter  the  self  love  of  Averall, 
by  telling  him  that  he  was  the  most  intelligent  and 
conversable  young  Irishman  that  ever  he  had  seen  in 
the  course  of  his  whole  life,  an  encomium  doubtless 
rather  high  flown,  even  supposing  that  Guy  was 
somewhat  anxious  to  merit  the  compliment.  Sunday 
afternoon,  the  only  portion  of  the  week  he  had  to 
himself,  hung  somewhat  heavily  on  Averall's  hands, 
for  outside  the  regular  supply  of  newspapers,  and  an 
old  gazetteer,  there  was  rather  a  dearth  of  reading 
matter  in  the  house,  and  Guy  was  too  tired  with 
his  efforts  during  the  week,  to  relish  anything 
approaching  mere  muscular  exertion.  One  day 
however  a  book  peddler  came  round,  and  on  look- 
ing over  his  stock,  Averall  was  fortunate  enough  to 
discover  a  brand  new  life  of  Napoleon.  Now  Napo- 
leon is  almost  certain  to  be  a  favorite  with  most  young 
persons — indeed  there  is  a  certain  halo  about  your 
ideal  conqueror  which  no  juvenile  can  resist,  so  long 
as  there  is  a  particle  of  youthful  daring  about  him. 
Whether  it  is  the  young  Alexander  taming  Buce- 
phalus, or  David  attacking  the  giant  Goliath  ;  or 
Bruce  riding  out  at  Bannockburn,  in  front  of  the 
troops  of  King  Edward — the  effect  is  still  the  same. 
We  all  admire  the  hardihood  evinced  on  these  occa- 
sions, even  should  we  feel  disposed,  at  a  more  mature 
age,  to  criticise  the  moral  aspect  of  their  actions. 


Guy  Aver  all.  37 

Now  Guy,  being  an  Irishman,  had  of  course  a  due 
proportion  of  this  valorous  sentiment  about  him  ; 
and  when  he  opened  the  volume,  and  saw  all  the 
beautiful  pictures  that  the  book  contained,  he  in- 
stantly concluded  that  a  wonderful  treasure  was 
within  his  grasp,  and  fumbling  in  his  pockets  for  a 
dollar,  he  purchased  the  volume  in  an  instant. 
Gracious  goodness !  What  delightful  wood  cuts 
were  scattered,  here  and  there,  through  the  produc- 
tion. In  one  place  were  chargers  neighing,  and  horse- 
men with  drawn  swords  ;  and  Prussians  and  Austri- 
ans  stretched  on  the  ground,  like  so  many  sheep, 
while  Napoleon  the  grand,  with  an  aspect  more  than 
human,  sat  calm  and  imperturbable  in  the  midst  of 
the  conflict.  Need  we  characterize  any  further  the 
leading  features  of  this  far  seeing  and  highly  inter- 
esting work.?  It  was  printed  in  New  York,  it  was 
published  by  a  strictly  moral  house  ;  the  name  of  its 
author  was  the  Reverend  John  S.  C.  Abbott;  and 
begging  pardon  of  all  connected  with  the  volume  at 
the  time,  we  have  here  only  one  question  to  ask,  how 
could  any  one  purchase  such  a  treasure  as  this,  and 
at  the  same  time  remain  one  of  your  ignorant 
stupid,  whiskey-loving  Irishmen,  such  as  we  occa- 
sionally see  depicted  in  the  Harper  periodicals .? 

VI. 

But  it  was  not  only  with  simple  inhabitants  of  the 
county,  that  Guy  was  brought  in  contact  at  this  pe- 
riod ;  for  on  a  certain  occasion  he  Avas  fortunate 
enough  to  meet  with  a  fine  lady.  One  day  when  our 
hero  was  at  work  in  the  fields,  a  somewhat  anti- 
quated looking  dog-cart,  drawn  by  a  couple  of  mules, 


38  Guy  Ave  rail. 

came  thundering  down  the  road  that  passed  in  front 
of  Mr.  Gore's  house,  Guy,  who  had  reached  the 
fence  at  this  instant,  was  on  the  point  of  turning  his 
horse,  so  as  to  run  a  furrow  in  the  opposite  direc- 
tion, when  suddenly  the  vehicle  came  to  a  halt,  and 
some  person  or  other,  from  one  of  the  seats,  made  a 
motion  as  if  to  beckon  the  young  agriculturist.  Guy 
paused  a  moment  so  as  to  be  certain  that  his  im- 
pression on  the  matter  was  right,  when  the  hand  was 
waved  even  more  rapidly  than  before,  and  the  words 
"  farmer,  farmer  "  were  enunciated  in  very  distinct 
tones  from  the  equipage.  This  demonstration 
seemed  to  imply  the  desire  for  an  immediate  confer- 
ence, so  Guy  accordingly  left  his  plough,  and  leap- 
ing over  the  fence  he  walked  quite  leisurely  to  the 
speaker.  On  approaching  nearer,  he  discovered  that 
the  individual  who  thus  addressed  him,  was  a  woman 
of  decidedly  majestic  proportions,  dressed  in  a 
somewhat  faded  suit  of  black  silk,  with  a  red  shawl 
on  her  shoulders,  a  brown  straw  hat  on  her  head,  and 
armed  in  one  hand  with  an  immense  cotton  um- 
brella. Guy  wondered  in  the  world  who  this  strange 
nondescript  could  be,  when  the  latte/  once  more 
thrust  her  head  out  of  the  vehicle,  and  commenced 
a  regular  oration  :  "  Oh  farmer  I'm  so  glad  to  see 
you,  and  how  do  you  do  this  morning  ?  Quite  well, 
I'm  very  glad  to  hear  that !  And  how  are  the  fields 
this  morning,  and  how  is  the  horse  you  plough  with, 
and  how  is  everything  also  in  the  country !  Farmer 
I  very  seldom  ask  questions  of  strangers  you  know, 
but  at  the  same  time  my  curiosity  is  somewhat  ex- 
cited on  one  point.  Is  not  that  vegetable  you  now 
are  ploughing  called  Indian  corn  ;  and  if  so  is  it  not 


Guy  Ave  rail.  39 

occasionally  used  as  food  for  cows,  horses,  oxen  and 
other  animals  such  as  we  usually  find  in  the  rural 
districts  ? 

"Why  yes,  ma'am,"  said  Guy,  somewhat  puz- 
zled by  this  strange  question,  "  we  occasionally 
make  use  of  it  in  that  way.  Sometimes  however  it 
is  turned  to  higher  and  better  uses,  for  the  fruit  of 
that  plant,  as  I  am  creditably  informed,  is  transferred 
in  some  localities  to  certain  large  buildings  with 
vats  and  other  curious  things  in  them,  and  there  it 
is  manufactured  into  first  rate  whiskey." 

"  The  dear  good  buildings,"  exclaimed  the  lady, 
"  with  the  vats  and  the  other  curious  things  in  them, 
how  much  satisfaction  it  would  afford  me,  if  I  could 
have  the  pleasure  of  looking  at  them  for  an  instant. 
But  farmer,  I  have  one  further  question  to  ask.  Is 
Indian  corn  considered  a  farinaceous  vegetable?" 

"  Indeed,  madam,  I  don't  know  whether  to  con- 
sider it  farinaceous  or  not.  We  feed  it  night  and 
morning  to  both  horses,  and  hogs,  and  they  all  seem 
to  relish  it  heartily." 

"  Relish  !  do  you  say.  Then  it  must  be  farinace- 
ous or  live  animals  such  as  horses  and  swine  could 
not  possibly  fatten  on  it.  But  farmer,  one  further 
question  if  you  please.  Do  you  love  to  work  in  the 
fields  ?" 

"Don't  object,"  said  Guy,  "I  consider  it  my 
business  to  do  so,  as  long  as  I  am  paid  for  it." 

"  So  it  is,  so  it  is,  it  is  your  business  to  plough, 
just  as  it  is  the  business  of  those  who  are  more  for- 
tunately situated  to  paint,  to  dress,  to  observe  the 
beauties  of  nature,  or  if  they  happen  to  be  an  Em- 
peror of  la  belle  France,  to  crush  the  haughty  xVustri- 


40  Guy  Aver  all. 

ans.  But,  farmer,  how  long  each  day  do  you  work 
in  the  field  ?  " 

"  From  six  to  twelve,  and  from  half  past  one  to 
seven"  said  Guy,  "  about  ten  or  eleven  hours  in  all." 

"  Why  dear  me  !  that  is  terrible,"  was  the  rejoin- 
der. I  could  never  continue  at  any  occupation  for 
more  than  half  an  hour  at  a  time.  But  do  you  not 
feel  tired  when  at  work  in  the  fields.''  " 

"  No  I  cannot  say  that  I  do,"  answered  Guy, 
"  ploughing  corn  is,  after  all,  but  light  work  ;  beside 
which  I  have  permission  to  give  the  horse  a  rest, 
once  in  a  while,  whenever  the  weather  is  more  than 
usually  warm." 

"  The  poor  dear  horses,  I  do  love  them  so  very 
much"  said  the  lady,  with  a  sympathetic  sigh.  "  The 
horse  indeed  is  a  noble  animal;  and  was  created  by 
the  god  Neptune,  according  to  the  heathen  conchol- 
ogy,  who  struck  the  earth  with  his  trident.  But 
farmer,  I  have  one  further  inquiry  to  make — how 
long  have  you  followed  this  occupation  of  tilling  the 
soil  ?  " 

Here  Guy  was  on  the  point  of  making  an  appro- 
priate answer,  when  the  driver  of  the  vehicle,  who 
did  not  seem  in  the  least  to  appreciate  this  talk 
about  agriculture  and  the  animal  kingdom,  saw  fit  to 
interpose  with  the  remark,  that  their  time  was  but 
limited,  and  they  must  go,  "else,"  said  he  "  I'll  be 
durned  if  you  don't  be  left  behind,  by  the  train, 
which  shortly  will  be  due  for  Newark." 

"Thank  you,  thank  you,  coachman,"  said  the 
lady  with  the  most  exalted  air  imaginable,  as  if  utter- 
ly unconscious  of  the  style  of  address  which  her 
Jehu  S4W  fit  to  adopt.     "I  declare  if  my  servants 


Guy  Aver  all.  41 

and  others  did  not  remind  me  of  my  duties  now 
and  then,  I'm  afraid  that  some  of  them  would  be  sadly- 
neglected.  I'm  sorry  farmer,  that  I  have  not  time 
to  stay — if  I  remained  with  you  I  should  have  a  great 
many  questions  to  ask  on  the  subject  of  agriculture. 
Coachman  you  can  now  drive  on,  for  I  would  not 
miss,  on  any  account,  the  train  that  is  now  starting 
for  the  city.     Good  bye,  farmer,  good  bye." 

And  with  these  words  the  lady  raised  the  big 
cotton  umbrella  over  her  head,  and  the  dog-cart 
started  off  at  a  gallop,  leaving  the  astonished  Guy  in 
complete  ignorance  as  to  the  real  character  and  sta- 
tion of  the  strange  catechiser  with  whom  he  had  just 
came  in  contact.  He  afterwards  discovered,  how- 
ever, that  the  personage  in  question  was  simply  a 
woman  of  magnificent  proportions,  such  as  we  occa- 
sionally discover  in  the  highest  and  best  circles  in 
America. 

VII. 

The  attentive  reader  will  meanwhile  enquire  how 
Guy  Averall  was  progressing  in  that  deep  design 
which  he  at  a  previous  period  had  formed  to  lay 
claim  to  the  heart  and  hand  of  the  first  fair  maiden 
that  came  across  his  path,  so  as  to  erect  a  home  and 
habitation  for  himself  in  the  middle  of  that  sovereign 
State,  of  which  he  then  was  a  resident.  In  reply  to 
this  inquiry,  let  us  answer  in  brief,  that  master 
Averall  succeeded  in  this  matter  as  well  as  any 
young  man  of  his  age  and  endowments  could  reason- 
ably expect.  One  Sunday  afternoon,  having  already 
finished  a  chapter  or  two  of  Napoleon,  a  brilliant 
idea  entered  the  mind  of  our  hero ;  to  write  a  love 


42  Guy  Ave  rail. 

letter.     He  accordingly  took  pen  ink  and  paper,  and 
commenced  his  billet  doux  in  the  following  style  "• 

Greenville,  State  of  New  Jersey, 

September  12  th,  18 — . 

Dear  and  tnost  estimable  Miss  Jones  : — 

"  He  jests  at  scars  who  never  felt  a  wound,"  and 
none  but  those  who  have  experienced  the  pangs  of 
love  can  appreciate  the  feelings  by  which  I,  for  a 
long  time,  have  most  grievously  been  tormented  — ." 
But  having  written  thus  far  Guy  came  to  a  sudden 
halt.  "  Oh  pshaw  !  "  said  he,  "  if  I  write  to  the  girl 
in  this  way,  she  will  only  giggle  at  me  as  a  perfect 
fool,  and  then  all  the  chance  I  have  with  her  will  be 
lost.  It  wont  do  to  attack  the  citadel  by  force  ;  I 
must  rather  make  my  way  to  it  by  slow  approaches." 
So  on  a  sudden  Guy  threw  the  letter  that  he  had  already 
begun  into  the  fire  ;  and  inwardly  resolved  to  bide 
the  issue  for  some  time,  and  be  governed  in  his  gen- 
eral course  by  subsequent  events  and  appearances. 
Nor  in  truth  was  he  without  a  warrant  for  indulging 
in  some  expectations.  At  this  period  in  his  history, 
our  friend  was  on  the  whole,  a  rather  comely  looking 
fellow.  His  form  indicated  good  bodily  strength  ; 
his  face  was  expressive  of  a  bright  open  disposition; 
his  sunny  locks,  curling  round  his  temples,  had 
something  positively  bewitching  in  them  ;  while  his 
eye,  so  full  of  hope,  seemed  the  synonym  of  health- 
ful, boyish  activity.  Nor  was  Miss  Jessie  on  the 
other  hand,  without  her  attractions;  bright,  cheerful 
lass  that  she  appeared  ;  our  friend,  in  the  long  run, 
began  to  look  on  her  as  an  almost  absolute  piece  of 


Guy  Averall.  43 

perfection.  As  to  the  previous  history  of  the  young 
lady,  it  may  be  briefly  told.  Miss  Jones,  or  as  the 
neighbors  chose  to  call  her,  Jess  Jones,  had  been  left 
an  orphan  by  the  death  of  her  parents  some  six 
years  previous  ;  and  hence,  in  lack  of  a  more  fitting 
guardian,  her  bringing  up  had  devolved  on  her  aunt, 
in  whose  house  she  was  accordingly  installed  as  a 
member.  And  well  and  dutifully  did  Mrs.  Gore  dis- 
charge the  trust  thus  reposed  in  her;  for  after  Miss 
Jessie  had  been  subjected  to  the  regular  curriculum 
of  the  district  school,  she  was  brought  home,  and 
then  initiated  into  all  those  useful  arts,  without  which 
no  family  can  prosper  in  the  country,  and  which 
stand  for  a  good  round  sum  in  the  rural  parts  of 
America.  Talk  of  your  piano  threshing  and  parlez 
vous  francais,  and  stuff  in  which  ladies,  now-a-days 
lay  so  much  stress  .'—Miss  Jones,  of  course,  ignored 
such  follies  as  these  ;  but  as  far  as  the  baking  of  the 
whitest  and  nicest  bread,  and  the  washing  and  iron- 
ing of  the  cleanest  and  snowiest  linen,  and  the  man- 
ufacture of  tarts,  jellies,  and  pumpkin  pies,  she  could 
hold  her  own  against  any  young  housewife  in  the 
country.  With  all  these  manifold  accomplishments 
in  her  possession,  is  it  any  wonder  that  the  praise 
of  Miss  Jessie  should  be  on  every  tongue,  and  that 
Guy  Averall,  tuft  hunting  young  miscreant  that  he 
was,  should  in  reality  and  sincerity,  cast  a  longing 
eye  towards  her. 

After  disposing  of  his  first  love  letter  in  the  way 
already  described,  the  condition  of  affairs  remained 
for  some  time  in  statu  quo.  Master  Averall  loved 
the  girl,  there  was  no  doubt  about  that,  the  difficulty 
with  him  was  to  fmd  an  appropriate  way  of  convey- 


44  Guy  Aver  all. 

ing  his  sentiments  to  his  inamorata.  He  thought  of 
asking  permission  to  escort  her  to  church,  but  that 
as  a  proper  strategic  movement,  might  possibly  have 
been  too  bold ;  the  thought  of  writing  another  love 
letter  and  then  quietly  dropping  it  into  the  post 
office,  but  that  might  subject  him  to  a  rebuff,  he 
thought  of  fifty  other  things  in  succession,  but  in 
the  end  he  gave  them  all  up.  So  the  utmost  he 
could  do  was  to  assist  Miss  Jessie  in  some  of  the 
delicate  little  tasks  that  fell  to  her  lot,  such  as  hang- 
ing out  the  clothes  to  dry  after  they  were  washed,  or 
in  shelling  a  few  pease  for  dinner  on  Sunday,  or  in 
taking  hold  of  a  pail  of  household  slop  intended  for 
the  hogs,  and  emptying  it  himself  into  the  swill 
barrel,  or  better  than  all,  if  chance  were  given,  of 
applying  his  own  mouth  to  that  big  tin  horn,  which 
Miss  Jessie  usually  blew,  and  summoning  the  family 
together,  in  proper  form  to  dinner.  Once  indeed 
he  had  thought  of  telling  Miss  Jessie  that  he  should 
consider  himself  the  happiest  man  alive,  if  he  were 
the  owner  of  a  small  farm  in  the  Jerseys,  and  had 
such  a  wife  as  she  to  share  his  lot,  but  when  the 
opportunity  presented  itself  for  making  this  speech, 
the  tongue  of  Guy  Averall  clave  to  his  palate,  and 
he  slunk  away,  just  as  if  he  had  been  apprehended 
in  the  crime  of  petty  larceny.  Oh  woman,  woman  ! 
what  a  magical  power  thou  hast,  once  we  yield  our- 
selves to  thy  influence — you  frown,  you  smile,  you 
coquette,  you  command,  and  in  all  your  varying 
moods,  we  are  nothing  but  your  slaves  and  humble 
servants. 

At  length  a  grand  opportunity  came.     One  day 
towards  the  end  of  October  it  was  announced  that 


G?iy  AveralJ.  45 

the  great  showman,  T.  T.  Barnum,  was  to  visit  the 
town  of  East  Greenville  with  a  circus,  and  would 
exhibit  an  infinite  number  of  lions,  tigers,  and  other 
wild  animals  for  the  amusement  and  edification  of 
the  inhabitants  of  that  vicinity.  Master  Averall 
now  thought  that  this  was  his  chance,  he  would  com- 
bine the  useful  and  agreeable  in  one  act,  equip  him- 
self in  fitting  apparel,  and  ask  Miss  Jones  to  accom- 
pany him  to  the  exhibition. 

He  meditated  on  this  subject  for  a  while,  and  in 
due  time  found  a  fitting  opportunity  of  stating  his 
case.  The  young  lady  was  just  leaving  the  garden 
with  a  big  cucumber  in  her  hand,  when  Guy  Averall 
broached  his  project  in  the  most  polite  and  fitting 
terms  of  which  he  was  master.  "  Would  Miss  Jessie' 
be  so  kind  and  condescending  as  to  accompany  him 
to  the  show — if  so  he  would  do  his  very  best  to 
make  the  occasion  agreeable."  Miss  Jessie  snick- 
ered and  smiled,  in  the  first  instance,  when  the 
request  was  made,  and  then  a  calm  expression  of 
placid  delight  passed  over  her  own  angelic  face  as 
she  prudently  made  answer  that  she  was  very  much 
obliged  to  Mister  Averall  for  his  kind  offer,  but  indeed 
she  must  speak  to  her  aunt  on  the  subject.  The  aunt, 
as  Guy  was  informed  that  evening  after  tea,  had  no 
objection  whatever  to  make — Miss  Jessie  was  will- 
ing to  place  herself  under  his  protection — Guy  Av- 
erall was  now  in  the  seventh  heaven  of  delight,  so 
away  he  went,  the  very  next  day  into  Newark, 
invested  all  the  money  he  had  in  a  brand  new  suit 
of  clothes,  and  then  and  there  he  took  a  solemn 
oath  that  although  these  garments  had  cost  him  a 
goodly  sum   he   was   bound   and  resolved   to  look 


46  Guy  Averall. 

every  whit  as  respectable  as  any  young  man  of  his 
age  within  the  limits  of  "  old  Essex,"  the  very  fore- 
most county  in  the  State  of  which  he  was  a  resident. 
At  length  the  time  for  the  representation  came, 
when  lack-a-day  !  what  an  amazing  display  of 
bucolic  elegance  was  to  be  seen,  as  the  citizens  of 
the  said  "  old  Essex,"  poured  into  East  Greenville 
from  all  directions.  Some  were  on  foot  and  some 
on  horse,  some  rode  in  buggies  and  some  in  wagons, 
but  all  alike  were  bent  on  seeing  that  prince  of 
showmen — the  great  Barnum.  How  jovial  looking 
some  of  the  young  sparks  from  the  mountains  west 
of  Orange  were, — one  could  distinguish  them  at  the 
distance  of  half  a  mile,  by  the  red  and  green  neck- 
'ties  which  4;hey  wore.  Guy  put  up  his  horse  at  a 
livery  stable,  and  after  resting  for  a  while,  he  sallied 
out  in  company  with  his  Dulcinea,  to  view  the  sur- 
roundings. The  usual  crowd  of  peddlers,  mounte- 
banks and  quacks  that  accompany  one  of  P.  T. 
Barnums  exhibitions  was  in  sight.  The  first  person 
who  attracted  the  attention  of  our  friend,  was  a 
cheap  Jack  near  a  corner — this  eloquent  citizen  was 
mounted  on  a  stand,  and  was  willing  to  sell  the* 
entire  lot  of  jewelry  which  he  held  in  his  hand, 
watch  chain,  wedding  ring,  gold  sleeve-buttons  made 
of  brass,  along  with  that  elegant  topaz  breast  pin 
for  the  insignificant  sum  of  twenty-five  cents.  What 
a  stream  of  glib  nonsense  the  fellow  has  at  his  com- 
mand— no  wonder  an  occasional  auditor  here  and 
there,  is  persuaded  to  purchase  from  him.  Further 
on,  an  operator  in  thimble  rig  offers  you  the  chance 
of  becoming  quite  rich,  provided  you  are  willing  to 
take  the  risk — "  you  put    down  one  dollar,  gentle- 


Gi/y  Ave  rail.  47 

men,  and  receive  back  eight,  and  there  is  no  non- 
sense about  it  either."  Yonder  a  professor  of  leger- 
demain takes  a  number  of  rings,  hands  them  to  the 
crowd,  so  that  everyone  can  satisfy  himself  that  there 
is  not  a  flaw  in  the  series,  and  ihtn  p>-esto,  he  tosses 
them  up  in  the  air,  joins  them  in  a  chain,  and  after- 
wards snaps  the  chain  in  pieces  and  presents  each  ring 
separately  to  the  audience.  To  older  persons  than 
Guy  this  all  seems  marvellous,  and  they  really  wish 
that  the  sleight-of-hand  man  would  make  them  the 
confident  of  his  wonderful  secret.  But  hark  !  what 
noise  is  this  !  the  band  playing  !  yes,  and  I  vow 
behind  it  comes  the  giant  procession,  headed  by  the 
great  Phineas  himself.  There  we  have  it  all  ;  the 
lion,  the  tiger,  the  dromedary,  the  hippopotamus,  the 
woolly  horse  that  John  C.  Fremont  chased  for  three 
•whole  days  and  nights  on  the  top  of  the  Rocky 
Mountains,  the  Japanese  mermaid  compounded  of  a 
fish  and  a  monkey,  the  old  colored  woman  who 
nursed  our  venerated  Washington  when  a  child,  as 
well  as  the  thousand  and  one  other  curiosities.  Guy 
immediately  purchased  a  couple  of  tickets,  and 
after  a  little  pushing  and  squeezing,  he  finally  suc- 
ceeded in  escorting  his  charge  into  the  tent  where 
the  exhibition  took  place.  Here  all  was  wonder 
and  novelty  to  Master  Guy,  for  indeed  it  was  the 
first  circus  he  ever  had  attended  in  the  whole  course 
of  his  life.  Was  it  not  wonderful  how  that  man 
walking  on  stilts  could  pick  up  a  handkerchief  by 
leaning  backward  ;  and  how  the  tumbler  could 
make  the  somersault  over  twenty-five  horses  ;  and 
how  that  young  lady,  with  the  short  skirt,  could 
stand  on  the  back  of  a  horse  going  at  full  gallop, 


48  Guy  Aver  all. 

and  afterwards  jump  through  a  hoop,  covered  all 
over  with  tissue  paper  !  She  did  it  all,  however, 
quite  gracefully  ;  and  what  is  more,  alighted  on  her 
feet,  and  then  bounded  into  the  side  tent.  And 
after  all  this  came  the  explanations. 

"  This  animal,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  as  you  will 
perceive,  is  the  hippopotamus.  He  differs  from  all 
the  beasts  of  the  field  and  the  fowls  of  the  air,  in 
breathing  exclusively  through  his  skin.  He  is 
found  along  with  the  crocodile  and  other  wild  quad- 
rupeds at  the  bottom  of  the  river  Nile,  and  was 
purchased  by  Mr.  P.  T.  Barnum  for  the  sum  of 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  in  cash."  Here  the 
crowd  signified  their  approval  by  the  words  "well 
done,"  *' he  knows  what  he  is  talking  about,"  "he 
is  none  of  your  wild  Irishmen  at  any  rate,"  "he  is 
able  to  show  us  the  beast  in  a  respectable  and  intel- 
ligent way." 

"  This  personage,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  whom  I 
now  bring  out  before  you  is  a  descendant  of  the 
Egyptian  priest  Manetho.  You  perceive  he  wears 
a  long  beard,  and  is  dressed  in  loose  flowing  robes. 
"■He  was  discovered  inside  of  the  pyramid  of  the 
monarch  Cheops,  by  an  agent  of  Mr.  P.  T.  Barnum, 
who  was  engaged  at  the  time  in  oriental  research. 
He  speaks  no  language  but  the  Coptic,  and  writes 
no  characters  but  the  ancient  hieroglyphics,  such  as 
were  employed  in  the  valley  of  the  Nile,  more  than 
thirty-five  thousand  years  ago."  The  priest  makes 
several  figures  on  the  ground,  and  Guy,  at  the  same 
time  thinks  that  his  reverence  bears  an  uncommon 
likeness  to  that  identical  old  rascal  who  met  him  six 
months   previously  on  Broadway,  and  who  almost 


Guy  Ave  rail.  49 

forced  him  into  the  purchase  of  that  worthless  trum- 
pery watch. 

"These,  ladies  and  gentleman,"  continued  the 
instructor  are  two  savages,  who  were  imported  some 
time  ago  from  the  island  of  Timbuctoo.  Their  his- 
tory is  this,  they  were  caught  in  a  piratical  expedition, 
and  were  sentenced  to  be  eaten  by  the  king  of  that 
country  ;  but  an  agefft  of  Mr.  P.  T.  Barnum,  who 
happened  to  be  present,  at  the  time  fortunately 
secured  them  for  exhibition  for  the  space  of  three 
years,  by  giving  bonds  in  the  sum  of  ten  thousand 
dollars  for  their  safe  return  at  the  end  of  that  period, 
when  the  monarch  intends  to  follow  out  his  original 
design  of  making  a  feast  for  his  court.  But  any  one 
who  is  acquainted  with  Mr.  P.  T,  Barnum  is  thor- 
oughly aware  that  he  never  will  submit  to  such 
an  outrage  as  that.  He  has  accordingly  dispatched 
a  messenger  to  the  king  of  Timbuctoo  to  state  that 
he  is  willing  to  pay  the  ten  thousand  dollars,  just  as 
he  stipulated,  by  way  of  forfeit  at  the  end  of  the 
three  years,  but  he  can  never  agree  that  such  innocent 
strangers  as  these  poor  savages  are,  should  swell  the 
hungry  gullet  of  wild  cannibals." 

This  interesting  trait  of  benevolence  on  the  part  of 
the  showman,  seemed  to  produce  a  great  effect  on 
the  crowd  ;  and  amidst  the  cries  of  "  Barnum"  "  Bar- 
num" "Barnum,"  the  head  of  the  establishment  was 
finally  induced  to  come  forth. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  said  the  manager,  "  I 
feel  flattered  at  receiving  this  mark  of  attention  from 
the  large  and  highly  interesting  audience  now  before 
me.  I  say  interesting,  for  to  me  there  is  nothing 
more    satisfactory   than    seeing    a   goodly  array   of 


JO  Guy  Aver  all. 

pleasant  faces  when  I  happen  to  visit  your  own 
beautiful  village.  And  here  I  wish  to  indulge  in  a 
boast,  namely  that  during  my  professional  career  as 
a  manager,  it  has  been  my  aim  on  all  occasions,  to 
furnish  my  patrons  such  amusements  as  would  tend 
to  the  elevation  of  their  taste,  and  their  moral  im- 
provement also,  whenever  they  saw  fit  to  visit  my 
show.  I  say  all  this  emphatical^ly,  for  no  one,  either 
here  or  elsewhere,  can  instance  an  occasion  where  I 
have  catered  to  a  prurient  taste,  no  matter  what 
might  be  the  tempation.  In  furnishing  you,  there- 
fore, with  a  series  of  cheap  and  popular  amusements, 
I  think  I  have  enabled  you  to  pass  an  hour  or  two 
in  an  agreeable  manner,  and  at  the  same  time  have 
done  some  little  service  to  myself  and  my  country. 
But  perhaps  some  one  will  object  that  Barnum  is  an 
old  humbug.  Well  perhaps  he  is,  but  even  admit- 
ting that  to  be  the  case,  still  there  are  other  hum- 
bugs in  the  world  much  bigger  than  himself.  Why, 
my  dear  friends,  if  the  actions  and  motives  of  one 
half  of  the  great  statesmen  who  figure  in  history 
were  analyzed,  what  a  pitiful  array  of  aims,  purposes 
and  proceedings  would  we  have  !  you  yourself  would 
not  like  the  dissection  any  more  than  I,  and  there- 
fore it  is  better  that  the  scrutiny  should  never  begin. 
Further  than  this  I  believe  we  all  admire  a  little 
humbuggery,  now  and  then  in  a  good  natured  way, 
and  provided  the  penalty  inflicted  is  not  an  exorbi- 
tant one,  we  laugh,  and  feel  more  contented  with  the 
world  and  with  each  other  in  consequence.  For 
myself,  I  can  only  say,  my  desire  has  always  been  to 
amuse  my  patrons  as  well  as  I  possibly  can ;  and 
provided  I  succeed  in  this,  my  aim  in  visiting  your 


Guy  Aver  all.  51 

very  beautiful  and  interesting  village  will  be  more 
than  accomplished." 

Here  an  immense  cheer  was  given  for  Barnum, 
and  after  witnessing  the  rest  of  the  performance  the 
crowd  separated. 

VIII. 

But  let  us  dismiss  these  minor  topics  and  pro- 
ceed with  the  main  current  of  events.  Guy  Averall 
was  indeed  a  happy  youth  after  his  return  from  the 
town  of  East  Greenville  that  evening.  He  had 
seen  the  great  showman,  on  whom  all  agriculturalist 
far  and  near  do  most  fondly  doat  ;  and  better  than 
that  he  had  the  pleasure  of  accompanying  the 
bright  cynosure  of  his  eyes  to  the  place  of  meeting. 
As  to  Miss  Jessie  he  loved  her  more  deeply  than 
ever,  and  almost  vowed  in  his  heart  of  hearts,  that 
she  was  simply  the  very  dearest  piece  of  perfection 
that  ever  existed.  Yet  it  must  not  be  supposed  from 
all  this  that  there  was  anything  mean  or  servile  in 
the  bearing  of  Guy  Averall,  either  to  his  Dulcinea 
herself,  or  to  those  relatives  under  whom  the  young 
lady  was  placed.  On  the  contrary  our  hero,  on  all 
occasions  contrived  to  sustain  his  dignity  as  a  man; 
and  instead  of  being  wholly  mercenary  as  regards 
]\Iiss  Jones,  he  proposed  in  an  open-hearted  man- 
ner to  do  his  very  best  to  support  her  himself,  nay 
further  than  this,  he  even  saw  fit  to  enter  into  some 
very  elaborate  calculations  as  to  the  cost  of  living 
in  case  Miss  Jessie  and  he  should  actually  get  mar- 
ried. Let  us  see — the  girl  was  healthy,  industrious 
and  accustomed  to  work,  so  instead  of  being  a  dead 
weight,  as  many  young  ladies  in  America  now  unfor- 


52  Guy  Averall. 

Innately  are,  she  would  rather  be  a  helpmate  and 
assistant.  Then  suppose  Guy  in  the  first  instance 
should  rent  a  small  farm  on  "  shares,"  all  he  would 
have  to  do  would  be  to  provide  a  couple  of  horses 
and  a  plough  to  begin  work,  and  provisions  suffi- 
cient to  last  a  year — three  or  four  hundred  dollars 
at  the  utmost  would  be  sufficient  to  secure  these 
articles.  Need  any  young  man,  in  America,  who 
contemplates  matrimony,  hesitate  for  such  a  trifle 
as  this  ?  Certainly  not,  the  thing  was  a  mere  baga- 
telle, and  as  to  personal  clothing  and  kitchen  uten- 
sils, that  much  would  come  in  as  Miss  Jessie's  pro- 
vision toward  housekeeping.  Yes,  yes,  the  course 
open  to  Guy  Averall  was  plain,  he  was  to  continue 
working  with  Mr.  Gore  for  the  next  two  or  three 
years,  save  his  money,  invest  it  like  another  Jacob 
in  live  stock,  and  as  soon  as  the  increase  of  these 
proved  sufficient  for  his  requirements,  he  was  to 
purchase  that  pair  of  horses  of  which  we  have  already 
spoken,  and  then  he  could  press  his  suit  as  a  man 
and  a  citizen  of  the  most  lofty  intentions.  The 
only  obligation  on  him  just  now  was  not  to  be  too 
hasty  in  speaking  of  his  future  plans,  especially  as 
there  was  no  need  in  disclosing  them  to  any  one 
just  yet,  even  supposing  they  were  all  finally  fixed 
and  determined  on. 

This  programme  although  feasible  and  well  ma- 
tured required  nevertheless  much  time  for  its  accom- 
plishment. Meanwhile  Guy  Averall  resolved  to 
observe  a  discreet  silence  in  regard  to  his  intentions, 
especially  as  he  became  somewhat  suspicious  even- 
tually, of  a  certain  member  of  the  family  with  which 
he  now  sought  to  be  domesticated      As  to  Mr.  Gore, 


Guy  Aver  all.  53 

he  was  a  hard  working,  well  meaning  and  independ- 
dent  Jerseynian  in  every  respect ;  but  as  to  the  old 
lady,  his  wife,  Guy  thought  at  times  she  was  slightly 
supercilious.  What  was  the  use  of  her  watching 
him  like  a  hawk,  for  instance,  every  time  that  he 
and  Miss  Jessie  were  together,  even  for  a  few  min- 
utes. Bless  her  heart.  Master  Averall  had  talked  to 
fair  maidens  before  now,  and  was  not  such  a  bandit 
as  to  whisk  off  the  girl  without  speaking  to  her  rel- 
atives on  the  subject.  But  one  evening  Miss  Jessie 
told  Guy  a  somewhat  pitiful  tale.  She  said  her 
aunt,  the  very  day  previous,  had  called  her  aside 
into  their  only  parlor,  and  then  and  there  had 
uttered  due  words  of  caution  against  all  Irishmen. 
She  recounted  a  very  pathetic  story  of  a  certain 
young  friend  of  her's,  who  lived  on  the  other  side 
of  the  mountains  and  who  allowed  a  strange  Pat- 
lander  to  approach  her  with  insinuating  and  deceit- 
ful words.  This  man  induced  the  girl  to  leave  her 
home  and  go  west  with  him,  where  they  worked  for 
a  while  on  a  farm ;  but  eventually  the  husband, 
after  the  manner  of  his  countrymen,  took  to  demo- 
cratic politics  and  strong  drink;  beat  his  wife  and 
was  hauled  up  before  a  civil  magistrate ;  and  finally 
to  cap  the  climax,  he  forsook  his  home  and  com- 
panion; joined  a  set  of  strolling  play  actors  who 
were  going  through  the  place  ;  and  is  now,  if  reports 
be  correct,  the  associate  of  the  worst  possible  class 
of  criminals  and  mountebanks.  Master  Averall 
felt  puzzled,  at  first,  when  this  strange  adventure 
was  recounted  ;  he  however  made  answer  that  any 
person  who  acted  in  that  way,  was  deserving  of  a 
very  severe   censure,   but  hoped  nevertheless  that 


54  G'ty  Aver  all. 

Mrs.  Gore  did  not  consider  every  Hibernian  a  scape- 
grace, because  one  of  them  proved  a  black  sheep, 
and  a  casual  acquaintance  of  hers  was  the  victim. 
To  this  very  pertinent  suggestion,  Miss  Jessie  made 
answer  that  she  really  did  not  know ;  she  only 
felt  certain  that  her  aunt  had  taken  great  care  to 
impress  the  whole  recital  on  her,  and  had  evidently 
some  very  particular  reasons  for  doing  so.  Guy 
said  nothing  further  by  way  of  extenuation,  except 
that  he  was  sorry  for  the  mishap,  he  resolved  never- 
theless to  be  very  careful  for  the  future  in  his  beha- 
viour, and  above  all  things  to  give  no  occasion  of 
offense  either  to  Mrs.  Gore  herself  or  to  her  husband. 
For  the  future,  therefore,  Master  Averall  resolved 
to  remain  quietly  to  himself.  Sometimes  in  the 
evenings,  when  his  usual  tasks  were  over,  he  pro- 
duced his  Life  of  Napoleon,  and  pondered  and 
mused  over  the  deeds  and  achievements  of  that 
amiable  and  interesting  hero.  Sometimes  the  far- 
mer, when  disposed  to  be  communicative,  would 
enlighten  Guy  as  to  the  true  intent  and  meaning  of 
those  old  Whig  doctrines  in  which  he  had  been  nur- 
tured ;  and  how  Andy  Jackson,  the  hero  of  New 
Orleans,  had  promised  on  a  certain  occasion  to 
hang  the  obstreperous  John  C.  Calhoun  of  South 
Carolina  as  high  as  Haman.  Then  the  Revolu- 
tionary war,  and  mad  Anthony  Wayne  came  in  for 
their  share  of  attention  ;  or  General  Scott  and  the 
war  with  Mexico  were  duly  brought  on  the  carpet. 
One  thing  which  occasioned  considerable  surprise 
to  Guy  Averall  at  this  time  was  the  unrestrained 
and  apparently  unwarrantable  abuse  which  Mr. 
Gore,  now  and  then,  heaped  on  certain  ex-Presidents. 


Gtiy  Averall.  55 

It  was  nothing  but  "  old  Martin  Van  Buren  "  or 
"old  Polk  of  Tennessee"  or  some  other  epithet 
equally  irreverent ;  although,  after  all,  it  is  to  be 
presumed  that  both  these  gentlemen  only  obeyed 
the  will  of  the  popular  majority  who  elected  them- 
At  any  rate  this  constant  abuse  of  ex- Presidents  in 
America,  appeared  to  Guy  Averall,  in  the  first  in- 
stance, as  extremely  singular.  After  all,  is  it  not 
true  that  there  is  this  objection  to  making  the  chief 
authority  of  a  country  elective  to  wit : — that  let  his 
intentions  be  ever  so  honest,  he  never,  even  at  the 
best  of  times,  can  be  more  than  the  chief  of  a  party, 
instead  of  commanding  that  universal  loyalty,  to 
which  an  executive  otherwise  ordained  might  be 
entitled  ?  This  feature  of  Presidential  forms  of 
government,  has  been  noticed  in  a  very  distinct 
manner  by  one  of  the  most  able  of  modern  writers; 
and  certainly  the  judicial  impartiality  of  Mr,  Mill, 
when  speaking  of  these  and  similar  themes,  entitles 
him  to  a  candid  hearing  on  the  part  of  all  who  are 
interested  in  political  science,  either  in  our  own  or  in 
other  countries. 

But  a  truce  to  this  theme  ;  let  us  go  on  with  our 
story.  After  the  warning  given  him  by  Miss  Jones, 
the  behavior  of  Guy  was  in  itself  truly  admirable. 
He  went  to  church,  but  it  was  alone  ;  he  attended 
an  evening  spelling  school,  on  one  occasion,  but 
remained  very  quietly  in  a  corner  ;  he  even  endeav- 
ored to  disarm  suspicion  by  allowing  Miss  Jessie 
to  hang  up  the  washing  herself,  without  offering  in 
a  single  instance  to  take  the  clothing  from  her  deli- 
cate little  hand  and  place  it  on  the  lines  stretched 
in  front  of  the  kitchen.     But  it  was  all  to  no  pur- 


56  Guy  Ave  rail. 

pose — the  eyes  of  the  gods  were  upon  him.  The 
story  is  a  pitiful  one  but  it  shall  be  brief.  One 
morning  Master  Averall  arose  at  a  seasonable  hour 
so  as  to  haul  a  load  of  coal  from  Newark,  After 
feeding  his  team  and  attending  to  his  chores  in  the 
usual  manner,  our  friend,  as  was  his  wont,  strayed 
into  that  part  of  the  house  devoted  to  culinary 
operations.  Miss  Jessie  was  there  grinding  the 
coffee  for  breakfast,  when  Guy  in  an  unguarded  mo- 
ment took  hold  of  her  hand,  gave  the  mill  a  turn  or 
two,  and  then  vowed  that  the  lady  in  question  was 
the  prettiest  little  coffee  grinder  in  existence.  Here- 
upon Miss  Jessie  laughed  and  made  reply  that  she 
considered  Guy  Averall  the  biggest  humbug  in  the 
State  of  New  Jersey.  This  speech  was  too  much 
for  poor  Averall,  he  really  liked  the  girl,  and  at  the 
same  time  felt  indignant  on  account  of  being  the 
subject  of  so  much  suspicion.  So  he  popped  down 
on  his  knees,  and  began  delivering  a  speech,  on 
which  he  had  been  meditating  for  the  last  fortnight, 
when  all  in  a  sudden,  he  thought  he  heard  a  rust- 
ling behind  him,  and  on  looking  round,  oh  horror 
of  horrors  !  there  stood  the  old  vinegar-faced  aunt, 
Mrs.  Gore  herself,  who  unobserved  by  either  party, 
had  been  quietly  listening  to  every  word  that  had 
been  uttered.  The  situation,  to  say  the  least,  was  a 
very  embarrassing  one ;  so  Guy  in  an  instant  drop- 
ped the  hand  of  Miss  Jessie,  sprang  to  his  feet,  hur- 
ried back  into  the  barn,  and  only  reappeared  wh^n 
the  usual  summons  was  given  for  breakfast.  That 
meal  was  consumed  in  moody  silence.  Mr.  Gore 
spoke  a  few  words  it  is  true,  but  as  to  the  other 
members  of  the  family,   they  hardly   opened  their 


Guy  Ave  rail.  57 

mouths  during  the  time  they  were  together.  When 
dinner  came  the  situation  of  affairs  did  not  seem  to 
be  much  different— the  **  boss  "  was  now  absent  on 
business,  and  as  to  Miss  Jessie  and  her  aunt  they 
both  seemed  perfectly  dumb.  This  silence  was 
ominious,  indeed  Guy  already  suspected  his  fate. 
It  came  in  due  time,  for  that  very  evening,  Mr. 
Gore  called  the  offender  aside,  paid  him  his  wages, 
and  then  remarked  that  he  considered  him  a  very 
interesting  and  intelligent  young  man  in  many  re- 
spects, yet  as  the  year's  work  was  about  completed — 
the  corn  was  all  gathered,  the  potatoes  had  long 
since  been  dug,  the  wood  for  the  winter  was  mostly 
chopped — everything  finished,  in  fact,  he  thought 
he  himself  would  attend  to  whatever  little  tasks 
might  be  necessary  till  spring,  and  therefore,  for 
the  present,  he  would  dispense  with  Guy  Averall  and 
his  ervices. 

This  is  the  first  phase  in  the  education  of  the 
principal  personage  of  this  history.  Its  subsequent 
development  will  appear  in  successive  Chapters. 


SUR  LE  PAVE. 


Next  morning  Master  Guy  bundled  up  his 
effects,  and  in  rather  thoughtful  mood,  he  once  more 
took  the  road  to  Newark.  As  he  sauntered  along, 
his  cogitations  ran  in  something  approaching  the 
following  : — "  Well,  what  an  unlucky  dog  I  am — 
fated,  it  seems,  lo  be  constantly  in  trouble.  A  few 
weeks  ago,  I  was  ready  to  presage  for  myself  all 
sorts  of  felicity,  when  suddenly  the  ground  gives 
way  under  my  feet,  and  I  am  plunged  into  an  abyss 
from  which  I  scarcely  know  how  to  extricate  my- 
self. It  was  an  unfortunate  thing  making  love  to 
Miss  Jessie  so  early  in  the  morning  ;  if  there  had 
been  the  smallest  particle  of  common  sense  in  my 
composition,  I  might  have  known  that  her  old 
hatchet-faced  aunt,  was  likely  to  be  stirring  about 
at  that  time.  I  do  not  see,  though,  why  Mrs.  Gore 
should  have  taken  such  a  stand  against  me — I  really 
loved  Miss  Jessie,  and  would  have  done  anything  in 
the  world  to  make  her  comfortable.  Well,  well, 
the  fates  that  rule  the  sky  have  seen  fit  to  deny  me 
that  privilege.  Some  persons  seem  born  to  good 
luck,  and  some  are  not — now  there  is  that  fellow 
Blasedell,  whom  I  saw  sneaking  round  the  house* 
night  before  last,  and  who  by  the  way  is  no  more  fit 
to  be  Jessie's  husband  than  I  am  fit  to  be  President, 
and  yet  because  he  owns  fifty  acres  of  land,  and  has 
58 


Guy  Ave  rail.  59 

a  little  money  in  bank,  I  suppose  Mrs.  Gore  will  be 
inclined  to  assist  him  as  far  as  lies  in  her  power. 
Still,  I  don't  know  after  all  why  I  should  care  so 
much  for  Miss  Jessie — I  saw  her  standing  in  the 
garden,  this  very  morning,  and  although  I  was  walk- 
ing away  from  the  house,  she  never  once  cast  a 
single  glance  towards  me.  Now  that  in  a  young 
woman,  such  as  she,  was  certainly  uncomplimentary, 
so  confound  the  whole  thing — let  it  go, — for  the 
present  I  must  look  out  for  myself.  I'm  sorry  I 
invested  four  months  wages  in  this  suit — if  I  had 
the  price  of  it  just  now,  the  cash  would  remain  in 
my  pocket  till  I  got  something  or  other  by  way  of 
employment.  I'm  lucky,  however,  in  one  respect — 
I  have  no  distinguished  relatives  in  this  part  of  the 
world  to  chide  me  for  my  misdoings,  and  read  long 
homilies  in  regard  to  the  perversity  of  the  present 
generation.  I  wonder,  by  the  way,  if  that  venerable 
aunt  of  mine,  that  I  left  behind  me,  some  time  ago, 
ever  deigns  to  think  of  me — if  she  does,  I  suppose 
she  imagines  I'm  riding  in  a  coach  and  four  with  a 
liveried  servant  behind  my  back,  and  all  this  becauil 
I'm  here  six  months  in  the  United  States  of  Amer- 
ica !  What  a  delightfully  imaginative  people,  by 
the  way,  these  Irish  are — bless  me  !  they  fancy  that 
gold  dollars  can  be  picked  up,  like  pebble  stones,  in 
every  other  part  of  the  world  except  their  own. 
Hard  times  with  me  just  now,  yet  I  don't  know, 
after  all,  that  I  can  blame  Mrs.  Gore  so  much  for 
what  she  has  done — I  suppose  she  thought  it  neces- 
sary that  Miss  Jessie  should  have  an  adviser  at 
present  rather  than  a  protector.  Still  it  is  very 
unpleasant  to  be  thrown  out  of  work  at  this  time  of 


6o  Guy  Averall. 

the  year,  when  employment  is  scarce — especially  in 
a  part  of  the  world  where  you  have  rather  a  slim 
acquaintance.  Some  of  the  people,  though,  who 
are  better  off  than  I,  don't  seem  to  realize  the  goods 
'  within  their  reach  ;  on  the  contrary  they  grumble 
continually,  just  as  if  they  were  the  mere  puppets 
of  fortune.  Well,  well,  let  the  worst  come  to  the 
worst,  I'll  endeavor  to  be  content,  for  a  walking  phi- 
losopher saw  fit  to  inform  me,  on  one  occasion,  not 
many  years  ago,  that  in  our  own  breasts  we  can 
make  or  mar  felicity." 

As  Guy  pondered  on  these  themes  he  proceeded 
onward,  and  was  already  within  a  short  distance  of 
his  destination  when  suddenly  he  heard  a  footstep 
behind  him,  and  on  turning  round  a  somewhat 
sprightly  specimen  of  humanity,  of  apparently  thirty- 
five  years  or  thereabouts,  hailed  him  with  the  classi- 
cal formula  quo  te  Mceri  pedes  ?  an  quo  via  ducit  in 
urbem  ?  Guy,  whose  classical  knowledge  was  not 
sufficient  to  enable  him  to  catch  the  sense  of  what 
was  said,  was  somewhat  surprised  at  this  singular 
style  of  address,  and  after  saying  something  or 
other  by  way  of  response,  he  took  a  deliberate  sur- 
vey of  the  stranger.  The  personage,  now  before 
him,  was  somewhat  below  the  middle  stature,  with 
chest  and  shoulders  well  developed ;  his  complex- 
ion, never  very  fair,  was  much  tanned  by  exposure  ; 
his  upper  lip  was  garnished  with  a  moustache ; 
while  a  pair  of  restless  black  eyes,  sunk  under  his 
brows,  seemed  to  be  in  constant  motion,  as  if  in 
search  of  some  object  on  which  they  might  rest  for 
a  second.  The  dress  of  the  wayfarer  was  a  com- 
mon suit  of  Scotch  tweed,  and  an  ordinary  felt  hat 


Guy  Aver  all.  6i 

was  stuck,  with  a  sort  of  mock  dignity  on  his  head, 
while  a  bundle,  held  in  one  hand,  and  a  stout  stick, 
carried  in  the  other,  seemed  to  complete  his  outfit. 

"  Heigh  ho  !  young  fellow,"  said  the  man  as  he 
approached,  and  spoke  at  the  same  time  in  an  excel- 
lent Tipperary  accent,  "  and  which  way  are  you 
bound  ?  To  Newark,  eh  ?  Do  you  know  what,  I 
have  noticed  you  pondering  before  me  for  the  last 
half  hour.  That  is  bad — you  must  not  think  too 
much,  for  as  Caesar  says  of  lean  Cassius,  such  men 
are  dangerous.  Why,  by  the  hole  o*  my  coat,  if 
you  go  on  meditating  in  that  way,  you'll  reduce  your- 
self to  the  thickness  of  a  wafer ;  and  wafers,  you 
know,  serve  no  other  purpose  except  now  and  then 
to  fire  off  a  gun,  and  once  in  a  while  to  close  an 
envelope.  Do  you  know,  sir,  that  there  is  a  law  to 
be  passed  by  the  State  of  New  Jersey,  at  the  next 
meeting  of  the  legislature,  against  any  person,  un- 
less he  has  passed  the  age  of  sixty,  who  shall  pre- 
sume to  hang  his  head  down,  and  indulge  in  solitary 
speculative  cogitation  !  Just  think  of  that  law,  if 
you  please,  and  think  of  your  fate  in  like  manner  if 
ever  the  enactment  is  put  in  force  against  you." 

Guy  was  forced,  in  the  first  instance,  to  smile  at 
this  very  absurd  statement  ;  and  then  made  answer 
that  he,  for  one,  was  entirely  aware  of  the  power  of 
the  state  in  which  he  lived;  and  in  case  the  law 
were  passed  he  should  take  notice  thereof,  and 
govern  himself  accordingly. 

"  Because  if  you  dont,"  was  the  remark,  "  the 
state,  or  some  of  its  officers  may  take  the  case  in 
hand,  indict  you  before  one  of  its  judges  for  a  seri- 
ous misdemeanor,  sentence  you  to  pay  a  heavy  fine, 


62  Guy  Ave  rail. 

and  in  case  the  amercement  is  not  met — why,  by 
the  powers  above,  they  will  consign  you  to  the  lock 
lip  at  the  capital  city  of  Trenton,  or  what  is  still 
worse,  they  will  turn  you  over  to  some  of  the  con- 
solidated Railways  that  now  rule  this  part  of  the 
country,  and  once  you  are  in  the  power  of  these 
corporations  they  will  grind  you  to  powder." 

Guy  smiled  once  more  at  this  sally,  and  seeing 
that  his  acquaintance  was  a  fellow  of  humor,  he  de- 
termined to  avail  himself  of  the  opening  thus  accord- 
ed, so  as  to  ascertain  if  there  were  any  possibility  of 
obtaining  employment  in  that  part  of  the  State. 

"  Employment  avick  !  Is  it  employment  you 
are  after,"  said  the  other,  "  well,  sir,  let  me  inform 
you  that  this  word  employment  is  a  very  indefinite 
term.  There  is  plenty  of  work  to  be  obtained  both 
here  and  elsewhere,  but  the  question  is,  are  you 
ready  to  take  hold  of  it  ?  In  plain  terms,  have  you 
a  trade — are  you  a  harness-maker,  saddle-maker, 
trunk-maker,  coach-maker,  have  you  in  short  been 
educated  to  any  specialty  ?  If  you  have,  and  the 
business  has  not  been  stiffled  by  some  accident,  you 
can  doubtless  obtain  work  in  Newark.  If,  on  the 
contrary,  you  are  nothing  more  than  a  gentleman  of 
elegant  leisure,  such  as  I,  ready  to  turn  your  hand 
to  anything  that  comes  in  your  way,  then  woe  is  me  ! 
— I'm  afraid  you're  going  to  have  a  somewhat  hard 
time  of  it.  Your  case,  in  short,  will  resemble  that 
of  the  cat  and  the  fox." 

•*  The  cat  and  the  fo.\,"  said  Guy,  "  what  is  that  ?  " 

"  Well,"  said  the  stranger,  "as  I'm  a  gentleman 
and  poet,  and  not  overburdened  with  much  business 
just  now,  I'll  tell  you  the  story.     The  cat  and  the 


Guy  Ave  rail.  63 

fox  were  once  travelling  together,  when  the  former 
remarked  she  had  only  one  way  to  get  clear  of  the 
dogs.  *  Oh  nonsense,'  said  the  other,  '  I  have  ten 
such  tricks  in  hand,  and  ten  times  ten  in  a  bag.' 
Soon  after  the  hounds  were  heard.  Puss  ran  to  the 
top  of  a  tree  and  was  safe  ;  while  Reynard,  in  spite 
of  all  his  resources,  was  caught  and  mangled  by  the 
dogs.  The  story  is  a  short  one,  but  I  wish  I  could 
impress  the  moral  of  it  on  all  those  who  contem- 
plate trying  their  fortune  in  America." 

"  In  plain  terms,"  said  Guy,  "  you  would  not 
advise  them  to  come  to  this  part  of  the  world,  unless 
they  have  a  special  training,  or  else  are  willing  to 
rough  it  till  they  find  their  proper  level.  Well,  I  am 
no  flatterer,  but  permit  me  to  say  you  talk  like  a 
philosopher." 

"Philosopher,  pooh,"  was  the  answer,  "I  beg 
your  pardon.  I  never  made  any  pretension  to  that 
dignity.  My  father  intended  me  for  the  church, 
and  gave  me  a  tolerable  education,  I  believe,  as  far 
as  it  went ;  but  I  was  too  big  a  fool  to  profit  by  his 
intentions.  I  got  into  an  ugly  scrape,  ran  away  from 
home,  threw  theology  to  the  dogs,  and  have  ever 
since  been  content  to  remain  as  a  layman.  In 
fine,  as  to  this  charge  of  being  a  philosopher,  I  have 
only  one  word  to  say,  and  that  is  this,  if  ever  I 
appear  sage-like  or  didactic,  I  most  humbly  ask  your 
pardon  for  the  offence,  for  it  most  certainly  was  not 
intended." 

"  What  a  happy  frame  of  mind  you  seem  to  pos- 
sess !  "  said  Guy,  "  I  only  wish  I  could  indulge  in 
the  same  mood  on  all  occasions." 

"  There  is  no  reason  who  you  should  not  indulge 
6  ^ 


64  Guy  Aver  all. 

in  it,"  was  the  answer,  "  My  panacea  for  this  melan- 
cholic feeling  is  to  enjoy  the  present  and  let  the 
future  take  care  of  itself.  Did  you  ever  read  the 
song  in  Gammar  Gurtin's  Needle,  which  I  take  spe- 
cial pride  in,  since  it  was  written  by  a  priest  ? 

'  I  cannot  eat  but  little  meat 
My  stomach  is  not  good  ; 
But  sure  I  think,  that  I  can  drink 

With  him  that  wears  a  hood. 
So  back  and  side,  go  bare,  go  bare. 

Both  foot  and  hand  go  cold  ; 
But  belly,  God,  send  thee  good  ale 
Whether  it  be  new  or  old.' 

That  is  pretty  well  quoted,  is  it  not,  by  one  of 
your  perambulating  plebeians  1  " 

"You  impress  me  more  and  more  every  instant," 
said  Guy,  "  for  I  find  you  are  not  only  a  philosopher 
but  a  wit.  But  here,  without  wishing  to  appear 
inquisitive,  I  would  ask  one  question  ?  If  you  are 
a  poet  and  gentleman  of  leisure,  how  does  it  happen 
that  you  are  not  able  to  gain  a  livelihood  in  such  a 
place  as  the  United  States,  where  every  one  who 
makes  the  slightest  pretensions  to  learning  or  liter- 
ary taste  is  sure  to  be  amply  appreciated." 

The  stranger  came  to  a  pause,  suspended  his 
bundle  on  the  end  of  his  staff,  and  then  placed  the 
latter  very  carefully  on  his  shoulder.  "  Well  sir," 
said  hct  "  there  is  a  secret  connected  with  the  affair 
which  I  do  not  care  to  impart  except  by  saying  that 
shortly  after  I  landed  in  these  United  States,  I  acci- 
dentally came  across  a  good  natured  relative  of 
mine,  a  very  respectable  old  gentleman  by  the  way, 
who  took  me  into  his  family,  treated  me  very  well. 


Guy  Averall.  65 

and  on  his  bounty  1  have  lived  ever  since.  His 
name  I  wont  mention  at  present,  but  perhaps  I  will 
find  an  opportunity  of  presenting  you  to  my  uncle 
one  of  these  days.  You  will  like  him  exceedingly, 
I  have  no  doubt,  when  you  see  him  ;  for  I  assure 
you  he  is  as  honest  and  kind-hearted  an  old  gentle- 
man as  ever  you  met  in  the  course  of  your  life. 
But  a  truce  to  this  matter — there  is  one  subject  on 
which  my  mind  is  greatly  perplexed  at  present,  that 
is  to  say  the  precise  value  of  beans." 

"  Of  beans,"  said  Guy,  "  I  don't  understand. 
Why  in  the  world  should  you  interest  yourself  par- 
ticularly in  beans." 

"  Ah  pardon  me  my  friend,"  was  the  immediate 
answer  "  the  bean  is  a  plant  which  has  a  mighty 
influence  on  the  life  of  a  hero,  especially  in  America. 
Sometimes  I  think  long  and  devoutly  on  my  uncle, 
and  then  beans  go  up  ;  sometimes  I  suffer  him  to 
escape  my  mind,  and  as  soon  as  I  do,  beans  go 
down.  It  is  one  of  those  occult  principles  which 
philosophers  have  endeavored  in  vain  to  explain  ; 
and  which  I,  for  my  part,  shall  not  attempt  to 
unravel.  "  At  present  the  words  of  the  Sage  Pythag- 
oras, aTtexov  Hua/.iGoi^,  beware  of  beans,  are  sound- 
ing in  my  ear,  but  whether  I  shall  take  heed  of  his 
warning  or  not,  is  more  at  present  than  I  can  answer 
So  adieu  !  adieu  !  for  the  present  I  must  hie  on- 
wards. I'll  determine  the  value  of  beans,  before 
many  more  hours  are  over.  Meanwhile  let  me  add 
one  word  of  advice,  don't  wear  such  a  melancholy 
countenance,  my  dear  young  friend,  or  you  will 
greatly  distress  me.  We  will  meet  again,  I  know  we 
will,  although  not  at  Philippi." 


66  Guy  Averall. 

And  shifting  his  bundle  to  the  other  shoulder, 
the  stranger  started  off,  leaving  Guy  to  the  solitude 
of  his  own  reflections. 

II. 

Master  Averall  enjoyed  his  liberty  during 
the  whole  of  that  day.  He  wandered  around  New- 
ark, asked  a  few  questions  here  and  there  in  regard 
to  employment ;  was  told  that  work,  at  that  season 
of  the  year,  was  somewhat  scarce,  and  then  in  lack 
of  anything  more  definite  he  stuck  his  hands  in  his 
pockets  and  said  nothing.  Once  he  sauntered  into 
a  lodging  house,  called  for  something  to  eat,  and 
afterwards  sauntered  into  the  street.  Here  a  couple 
of  musicians  attracted  his  attention.  They  were 
Italians,  a  little  boy  and  a  little  girl,  one  carried  a 
harp  and  the  other  a  fiddle,  and  to  these  as  an 
accompaniment,  the  lad  gave  the  following  words, 
which  by  a  happy  circumstance  we  are  able  to 
translate. 

Ho  r  arpa  al  collo,  son  viggianese  ; 
Tutta  la  terra  e  il  mio  paese, 
Come  la  rondin  che  lascia  il  nido 
Passo  cantando  di  lido  in  lido  : 
E  fincl.e  in  seno  mi  batte  il  cor 
Dir6  canzoni  d'armi  e  di  amor. 

which  may  be  thus  rendered  : — 

My  harp  on  my  shoulder,  I  wander  and  roam, 
No  nation  is  mine,  for  the  world  is  my  home, 
Like  the  warbler  that  flies  from  its  parent  birds'  nest 
I  sing  in  each  clime,  without  pausing  to  rest. 
And  while  a  true  heart  in  this  bosom  beats  strong 
Of  arms  and  of  love  shall  be  ever  my  song. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  67 

"  Happy  souls  !  "  said  Guy  as  he  stood  and  lis- 
tened for  awhile,  "  you  Italians  are  greasy  and  dirty 
looking,  no  doubt,  but  nevertheless  seem  contented 
and  happy  as  you  twang  your  instruments  through 
the  streets.  I  wish  I  understood  Italian.  It  is  a 
beautiful  language,  at  least  so  I've  been  told  by 
those  who  are  instructed  in  it  ;  judging  per  contra 
by  the  persons  who  speak  it  habitually,  in  this  part 
of  the  world,  I  cannot  conceive  why  so  much 
romance  should  be  connected  with  its  sounds,  while 
our  noble  tongue,  the  Irish,  is  altogether  contemned 
and  neglected.  There  is  no  accounting  for  tastes  in 
this  matter — all  we  know  is  simply  this,  that  Ferrara 
and  Fiesole  are  supposed  to  be  very  fine  places, 
while  no  one  in  America  even  wishes  to  acknowl- 
edge he  has  ever  dwelt  in  Birr  or  Ballyraggat. 
Well,  well,  people  will  discover  in  the  long  run  that 
the  Irish  are  not  such  a  nation  of  savages  as  some 
suppose  them  to  be  ;  still  it  will  require  time  and 
and  good  conduct  on  the  part  of  such  exiles  as 
inhabit  this  pait  of  the  world,  before  the  old  pre- 
judice is  indicated."  And  with  these  sage  com- 
ments running  through  his  head,  Guy  Averall  soon 
sought  some  other  locality. 

He  sauntered  up  Market  Street,  and  there  saw 
two  butcher  boys  driving  a  bargain  for  a  dog ;  he 
purchased  a  copy  of  the  Newark  Advertiser,  and 
noticed  that  those  old  Whig  doctrines,  which  Mr, 
Gore  commended,  were  thoroughly  expounded  in 
that  sheet  ;  he  wandered  into  a  tavern  and  read  the 
advertisement  for  a  negro  minstrel  entertainment 
stuck  on  the  wall ;  he  then  sought  the  repose  of 
another   establishment,  of  a  similar  kind,  and   was 


68  Guy  Ave  rail. 

happy  to  discover  that  back  of  it  was  a  bowling 
alley,  and  that  for  the  sum  of  twenty-five  cents,  any 
person  present  had  the  privilege  of  participating  in 
that  game.  Guy  took  one  of  the  balls,  whirled  it 
down  the  alley,  made  a  four  stroke  at  one  time  and 
a  six  stroke  at  another,  and  finally  after  rolling  and 
whirling  with  all  his  might,  the  boy  who  kept  the 
count  told  our  friend  that  he  had  won  the  game. 
His  opponent  paid  the  forfeit,  and  Guy  left  the 
place,  but  all  this  did  not  bring  Master  Averall  that 
employment  which  he  sought.  The  truth  was  Guy 
was  somewhat  more  inclined  to  speculate  than  to 
work  at  that  particular  instant,  for  at  one  place  he 
was  offered  his  board  and  a  couple  of  dollars  a 
month,  provided  he  would  drive  team  all  winter 
but  having  already  earned  three  times  that  sum 
while  under  the  protection  of  Mr.  Gore,  the  young 
man  did  not  care  to  submit  to  such  a  terrible  reduc- 
tion in  what  he  chose  to  consider  his  proper  wages. 
Had  he  been  an  ardent  enthusiast  in  this  matter  of 
money  making,  just  then  ;  had  he  adhered  to  those 
high  resolutions  with  which  his  mind  was  filled  when 
he  proudly  trod  the  deck  of  the  Imperial,  Guy 
Averall  might  have  commenced  his  career  in  this 
good  city  of  Newark,  toiled  at  all  sorts  of  ignoble 
occupations  for  ever  so  many  years,  and  then  per- 
chance ended,  in  due  solemnity,  by  becoming  one 
of  your  big  millionaires.  But  a  kind  providence 
reserved  him  for  a  different  fate.  The  day  following 
his  arrival  in  Newark  he  happened  to  pass  a  small 
house  in  the  vicinity  of  the  Railway  Depot  on 
Centre  Street,  and  there  he  observed  an  advertise- 
ment.    "  Wanted  for  the  United  States  Army  able- 


Guy  Averall.  69 

bodied  men,  to  whom  will  be  given  good  pay,  clothing 
and  subsistence."  And  then  followed  a  statement 
of  the  amount  paid  each  grade  in  the  service,  with 
the  full  sum  that  Private,  Corporal,  and  Sergeant 
would  receive  during  the  full  enlistment  of  five 
years.  Guy  read'  the  account  very  attentively, 
asked  himself  if  he  would  like  to  be  a  soldier,  and 
feeling  somewhat  undecided  on  the  matter  was  on 
the  point  of  proceeding  onwards,  \yhen  his  atten- 
tion was  attracted  by  the  voice  of  a  person,  engaged 
apparently  in  scrubbing  and  singing  inside  the  prem- 
ises. The  individual  thus  employed,  although  hid 
by  an  intervening  wall  from  the  gaze  of  the  public, 
seemed  nevertheless  to  be  as  industrious  as  if  the 
eyes  of  the  whole  world  were  fixed  on  him.  He 
rubbed  away  apparently  very  contentedly,  while  at 
intervals  his  labors  were  enlivened  by  a  song,  which 
ran  in  something  approaching  the  following  strain  : 

"Oh  the  boys  in  Kilkenny  are  sweet  roving 
blades" — "a  little  more  wather  here  if  ye  plaise  " 
— "  whenever  they  meet  with  a  pretty  fair  maid  "— 
"  that's  it  Sullivan,  down  here  " — "  they  kiss  her, 
and  they  court,  spind  their  money  quite  free  "— 
"  bad  luck  to  it,  here  is  a  spot  of  dirt  as  big  as  a 
plate  "—"oh,  of  all  towns  in  Oireland,  Kilkinny  for 
me — oh  of  all  towns  in  Oireland,  Kilkinny  for  me." 

"Well,"  said  Guy  to  himself,  this  is  no  uncertain 
sound,  I  rather  opine  that  the  singer  of  these  verses 
is  none  of  your  sentimental  ItaHans,  at  any  rate. 
I'll  see  who  he  is."  And  in  an  instant  Master 
Averall,  who  had  been  completely  captivated  by  the 
music,  entered  the  room,  and  was  somewhat  sur- 
prised to  see  his  acquaintance  of  the  previous  even- 


yo  Guy  Ave  rail. 

ing  in  soldier's  uniform,  with  trowsers  tucked  up  to 
his  knees,  his  feet  bare,  a  flannel  shirt  on  his  back, 
and  a  corn  broom  in  his  hand,  the  whole  man  being 
engaged  apparently  in  cleaning  out  the  premises  in 
the  manner  already  indicated. 

"Heigh  ho!  young  fellow,"  was  the  salutation 
after  Guy  had  made  the  customary  obeisance.  "  I 
told  you  we  Avould  meet  again  ;  although  not  at 
Philippi." 

III. 

Master  Averall  at  first  felt  somewhat  discon- 
certed at  this  free  and  easy  style  of  address ;  but 
recovering  himself  he  made  the  usual  greeting;  and 
then  on  glancing  round  discovered  that  the  person 
he  heard  addressed  as  Sullivan  was  a  broad-shoul- 
dered, stout,  little  Irishman ;  in  shape  somewhat 
resembling  his  friend,  but  possessing,  in  the  whole  a 
countenance  of  less  intellectual  character  than  that 
with  which  his  assistant  was  gifted.  At  one  side  of 
the  room  was  a  plain  wooden  table,  with  a  couple  of 
chairs  ;  while  near  the  window  stood  an  ordinary 
office  desk,  whose  pigeon  hole  compartments  seemed 
to  contain  a  number  of  official  papers.  No  other 
furniture  was  in  the  room  beyond  the  above  articles  ; 
unless  indeed  we  except  an  old  coal  scuttle,  which 
was  artfully  secreted  in  a  corner. 

After  a  pause  of  a  few  seconds  Guy's  interlo- 
cutor again  began,  "  yes,  yes,"  said  he  as  he  shook 
the  broom  he  held  in  his  hand,  "  I  knew  well  enough, 
my  dear  friend,  we  would  meet  before  long  ;  although 
I  did  not  care  to  specify  the  exact  locality  in  which 
the  encounter  would  take  place.  I  knew  well 
enough  by  the  cast  of  your  face,  yesterday  morning. 


Guy  Averall.  71 

that  before  long  you  would  drift  into  this  receptacle 
for  the  unfortunate.  Still,  there  are  worse  places 
in  the  world  than  this,  let  me  assure  you.  Don't 
look  so  hard  at  that  mud  puddle  before  us.  Here 
we  are,  sir,  on  the  banks  of  the  Styx,  waiting  for 
old  Charon  to  ferry  us  over.  Troth  that  water  is 
black  enough  and  dirty  enough  in  all  conscience, 
but  when  you  have  swept  out  as  many  barrack 
rooms  as  I  have,  you  will  cease  to  wonder  at  the 
circumstance." 

Without  waiting  for  any  reply  to  the  foregoing 
observations,  a  vigorous  application  of  the  broom  to 
the  floor  once  more  took  place,  and  mingled  with  an 
occasional  splash  of  water,  the  chant  was  again 
renewed. 

"  Though  the  town  of  Kilkenny  there  flows  a 
clear  straim — Faix,  Sullivan,  it  wasn't  like  the  one 
now  before  us  at  any  rate — In  the  town  of  Kilkenny 
there  lives  a  fair  dame — I  suppose  there  does,  the 
dames  are  all  fair,  both  in  Kilkenny  and  everywhere 
else — Oh  her  cheeks  are  like  roses  and  her  lips 
much  the  same — Sullivan  we  must  hurry  up  or  else 
we'll  not  be  ready  for  inspection.  Like  a  dish  of 
sweet  strawberries  smothered  in  craime — like  a  dish 
of  sweet  strawberries  smothered  in  craime." 

"  Why,"  said  Guy,  by  way  of  observation,  after 
the  last  vestige  of  the  black  liquid  was  swept  out  of 
doors.  "  I  hardly  expected  to  find  any  troops  in 
this  vicinity.  I  thought  that  United  States  Soldiers 
were  kept  on  the  frontier;  excepting,  of  course,  the 
few  who  are  stationed  in  permanent  forts." 

"  So  they  are,  but  this  you  see  is  a  peculiar  case  " 
said  the  other.     "We  are  here   after  recruits.     Do 


72  Guy  A  vera//. 

you  want  to  join  the  noble  Twenty-sixth  Artillery, 
one  of  the  best  Regiments  in  the  service — a  regi- 
ment, by  the  way,  that  numbers  among  its  officers 
the  gallant  Captain  Daisy,  Major  by  Brevet  in  the 
United  States  Army,  as  honest  an  old  fellow  as  ever 
drew  a  sword,  while  his  wife  is  a  lady  of  rare  excel- 
lence, able  to  take  care  of  herself  and  a  whole  gar- 
rison beside.  Willing  to  enlist,  eh  !  Just  think  of 
the  noble  profession  of  arms,  sir,  a  calling  that  any 
young  man  might  be  proud  of.  Or,  if  you  are  of  a 
practical  turn  of  mind  and  eschew  romance,  let  me 
privately  assure  you  that  you  cannot  do  a  better 
thing  in  the  beginning  of  winter  than  to  turn 
soldier." 

"  Is  the  service  of  the  United  States  an  agree- 
able occupation  }  "  said  Guy. 

"  Faith  that  it  is,  and  profitable  too,"  was  the 
answer — "  the  very  greatest  service  for  promo- 
tion in  the  world.  You  enlist  for  instance  one  day. 
The  next,  in  all  probability,  your  captain  takes 
notice  of  you  as  a  handsome,  well-behaved  young 
fellow,  and  in  an  instant  you  are  made  Corporal. 
You  continue  a  Corporal  for  a  few  months,  for  you 
see  it  wont  do  to  hurry  matters  too  rapidly,  and 
forthwith  you  are  made  Sergeant.  War  is  declared 
v/ith  some  foreign  power,  Mexico  for  instance,  and 
before  you  have  time  to  bless  yourself,  your  com- 
mission as  Lieutenant  is  forwarded  to  you  from 
Washington.  Once  an  officer  you  have  nothing  but 
plain  sailing  before  you,  for  in  our  Army,  the  per- 
son who  lives  the  longest  is  sure  to  rank  the  highest, 
even  if  he  should  attain  to  the  age  of  Methuselah. 
All  you  have  to  do  is  not  to   waste  your  opportu- 


Guy  Ave  rail.  73 

nities  by  falling  into  bad  habits;  for  by  my  con- 
science, if  I  were  not  an  unmitigated  blackguard 
myself,  and  a  constant  imbiber  of  a  bad  article  of 
whiskey,  Private  Hogan  at  your  service,  might  at  this 
moment  be  a  Colonel  commanding  a  Department, 
or  what  is  still  higher,  a  Brigadier  General."  \ 

"  I'm  sorry  for  you  really,"  said  Guy,  "if  such 
be  indeed  the  case  ;  mend  your  manners,  however, 
and  you  will  be  all  right.  One  question,  mean- 
while, let  me  ask — how  does  it  happen  that  you 
have  selected  Newark  as  the  theatre  of  your  opera- 
tions. New  York,  it  seems  to  me,  is  the  proper 
place  to  obtain  recruits." 

"  The  story  is  briefly  told,"  was  the  answer. 
"About  three  weeks  ago,  our  Company,  then  sta- 
tioned in  New  York  Harbor,  was  reduced  by  deaths, 
desertions  and  persons  discharged,  to  less  than  its 
proper  complement  of  men.  I  saw  at  once  that 
this  state  of  things  could  not  be  tolerated,  so  one 
morning  1  wrote  a  letter  to  the  Adjutant  General 
of  the  Army,  asking  permission  to  open  a  recruiting 
office  in  this  place,  and  for  the  form  of  the  thing  I 
brought  the  letter  to  the  Captain  of  our  Company, 
who  immediately  signed  it.  Now  the  Adjutant  Gen- 
eral and  I  are  great  friends ;  we  correspond  once  or 
twice  a  month  at  the  very  least,  and  indeed  there  are 
{t\f  requests  that  I  make,  provided  that  they  are  at  all 
reasonable,  but  sooner  or  later  he  sees  fit  to  allow 
me.  In  the  present  case  Colonel  Jones  was  particu- 
larly gracious,  for  by  return  mail  there  came  an 
official  letter  granting  me  all  I  desired.  The  whole 
affair  was  now  settled — Ernest  Heidenrick  our  first 
Sergeant,  who  by  the  way  has  a  flourishing   regard 


74  G'O'  Aver  all. 

for  me,  was  ordered  to  pack  up  the  company  effects, 
the  desk  with  its  official  records  was  assigned  to 
my  care,  our  cook,  Mr.  Sullivan — allow  me  to  pre- 
sent him — took  charge  of  the  camp  kettles,  and  so 
in  the  end  we  all  started  for  Newark,  hired  this 
house,  put  out  our  advertisement  in  due  form,  and 
here  we  are,  ready  to  welcome  any  one  who  will 
evince  his  patriotism,  by  laying  aside  the  habiliments 
of  a  civilian,  and  assuming  the  clothing  that  prop- 
erly is  connected  with  the  glorious  Stars  and  Stripes 
which  float  resplendently  over  our  heads." 

"Then  if  I  understand  you  correctly,"  said  Guy, 
"you  are  at  present  engaged  in  recruiting  for  the 
Army." 

"  Recruiting,  why  yes,  and  also  cogitating  on  the 
value  of  beans.  Delicious  vegetable,  I  assure  you, 
possessed  of  the  most  wonderful  properties  when 
duly  administered  to  the  soldier.  Whenever  a  batal- 
lion  or  two  for  instance  are  sent  pell  mell  against 
the  enemy,  they  are  always  treated  to  a  plate  of 
soup,  concocted  in  a  hasty  manner  from  the  escu- 
lent. Sullivan  give  the  pot  a  stir.  Hie  coyuus  scith 
ac  munditer  condit  cibos — Plautus  my  boy  ;  a  fine  old 
dramatist,  full  of  archaic  spelling.  But  perhaps  I 
am  worrying  you  with  my  Latin — if  so,  I  can  only 
offer  as  an  excuse  the  fact  that  now  and  then  a  few 
phrases  from  that  tongue  will  drift  through  my  head, 
just  to  remind  me  of  the  time  when  I  repeated  ray 
Ave  and  Credo,  with  due  solemnity,  among  the  boys 
and  black  heaths  of  the  old  soil  itself.  But  enough 
on  this  subject — the  Sergeant,  God-bless  him,  will 
be  here  before  many  minutes,  and  as  we  are  to  have 
an  inspection  this  evening,  I  must  proceed  with  my 


Guy  Ave  rail.  75 

work,  so  as  to  have  every  thing  neat  and  respectable 
in  anticipation  of  the  event." 

IV. 

A  FEW  flourishes  of  the  broom  completed  the 
process  of  sweeping,  after  which  Mr.  Hogan  ap- 
peared once  more  in  the  room  ;  and  remarked  that 
after  all  he  believed  he  had  been  in  too  much  of  a 
hurry,  that  he  had  full  twenty  minutes  as  yet,  at  his 
disposal;  and  therefore  he  deemed  it  proper  and 
right  to  indulge  in  a  "  whiff  of  a  smoke."  He  then 
lit  his  pipe  with  great  dignity,  stuck  his  hat  on 
three  hairs,  asked  Guy  if  he  indulged  in  the  weed, 
and  after  receiving  an  answer  in  the  negative,  he 
seated  himself  on  the  table,  crossed  his  bare  feet  in 
front  of  it,  and  then  began  to  puff  away  with  all 
the  solemnity  of  a  Pacha. 

"  Would  you  advise  a  fellow,  like  me,  to  enlist," 
said  Guy  after  a  pause  of  a  few  seconds. 

"I  wont  advise  you  either  one  way  or  the  other," 
was  the  answer,  "  lest  at  some  time  you  should 
blame  me  for  urging  you  to  accept  what  might  pos- 
sibly seem  a  bad  bargain.  Still,  this  much  I  will^ 
say,  that  in  certain  respects  the  United  States  deals 
in  a  very  liberal  manner  towards  its  servants  ;  and 
as  far  as  pay,  clothing  and  allowances  are  con- 
cerned, there  is  probably  no  army  in  the  world  so 
well  provided  for  as  our  own.  Of  course  there  are 
some  hardships  and  annoyances  connected  with  the 
service,  as  every  one  must  admit,  but  still  after  try- 
ing both  citizen  and  soldier  life,  I  give  the  prefer- 
ence to  the  latter.  You  saw  me  yesterday  morning 
with  a  bundle  on  my  back  ;  well,  sir,  I  was  just  on 


•J  6  Guy  Aver  all. 

my  return  from  an  expedition  in  the  country.  The 
story  is  as  follows, — it  may  save  to  illustrate  what  I 
have  said.  About  three  weeks  ago,  my  term  of 
enlistment  had  expired,  when  as  luck  would  have  it, 
I  happened  to  see  an  advertisement  in  the  papers 
saying  that  an  assistant  was  required  at  a  cele- 
brated literary  place  known  as  the  "  Laurel  Hill 
Institute  of  Gentlemen  Cadets  "  near  Newark.  This 
name  "  Institute  "  rather  captivated  my  fancy,  so  in 
default  of  anything  more  definite  I  thought  I  would 
apply  for  the  place.  Away  accordingly  I  started. 
Without  much  difficulty  I  found  the  principal  of 
the  school,  and  after  a  little  conversation  and  exam- 
ination of  some  length,  I  was  formally  accepted  as 
tutor.  The  bargain  was  this,  I  must  teach  the  boys 
ten  hours  a  day,  live  on  cabbage  and  Graham  rolls, 
like  the  rest  of  the  fraternity,  watch  the  students 
from  morning  till  night,  report  their  delinquencies 
to  the  head  of  affairs,  superintend  such  drills  as  they 
had  in  the  establishment,  blow  the  organ  on  Sun- 
days, and  dress  like  a  gentleman  beside  on  the  small 
sum  of  twenty-five  dollars  a  month.  I  stood  the 
thing  for  a  while  ;  but  in  the  end  the  constraint  of 
the  place  was  too  much  forme.  One  morning  I  had 
a  quarrel  with  an  insignificant  scrub  of  a  boy,  son 
of  the  Principal,  who  seemed  to  think,  Heaven  save 
the  mark,  that  the  care  of  the  entire  place  rested  on 
his  shoulders.  He  reported  a  boy  for  taking  half  a 
biscuit  from  a  plate  that  stood  in  the  pantry  ;  the 
boy,  who  was  hungry  and  afraid  of  getting  a  whip- 
ping, began  to  cry — I  seeing  the  affair  took  the  lad's 
part,  and  said  it  was  a  mean,  insignificant  piece  of 
business  to  report  such  a  trifle.     The  young  gentle- 


Guy  Averall.  77 

man  whom  I  had  taken  to  task  then  began  to  make 
faces  at  me,  and  call  me  a  Paddy  of  an  Irisliman, 
an  insinuation  which  I  am  sorry  to  say  I  could  not 
deny.  I  repaid  the  compliment  by  giving  the  youth 
a  slap,  the  father  came  in  and  took  his  son's  part, 
one  word  brought  on  another,  till  finally  I  went  to 
my  room,  bundled  up  my  effects,  demanded  my 
wages,  came  into  town  and  enlisted  once  more,  and 
and  am  now  Private  Tim  Hogan  of  the  Twenty- 
sixth  Artillery,  at  your  very  good  service."* 

"And  so  you  like  the  Army,  after  all,"  said  Guy, 
somewhat  amused  meanwhile  at  Mr.  Hogan's  account 
of  his  efforts  at  school-teaching. 

"  Like  it !  certainly,"  was  the  answer,  "  else  I 
would  not  be  in  it.  Glorious  place  for  promotion  as 
I  told  you  before.  Only  eschew  a  bad  article  o^ 
whiskey,  as  I  already  have  hinted,  and  you  will  be 
a  Brigadier  General,  at  the  very  least,  "before  you 
die.  Of  course  there  are  some  annoyances — I  and 
the  Sergeant,  for  instance,  have  an  odd  spat  now 
and  then,  just  byway  of  amusement;  but  what  of 
that, — it  is  all  a  sort  of  by-play.  Heidenrick  is  a 
good  fellow  at  the  bottom  of  his  heart,  and  I  like 
him,  at  this  instant,  even  in  spite  of  his  little  pecca- 
dillos and  faults.  But  speak  of  old  Satan  and  he 
will  appear — in  the  passage  I  hear  the  footsteps  of 
the  great  Ernest  himself." 

In  a  few  seconds  a  long,  lanky,  cadaverous  look- 
ing Teuton,  with  a  squint  in  one  eye  and  a  nose 
slightly  inflamed,  entered  the  room,  and  after  gazing 
around  him  for  some  time,  he  commenced  his  ora- 
tion in  the  following  manner. 

"  Hogan — I  vants  you  to  hurry  up — get  de  room 


78  Guy  Ave  rail. 

vixed  so  as  to  be  ready  for  de  Major.  Vere  are 
dose  babers  I  dolt  you  to  get  ready.  Eh  !  not 
ready  yet.  Dunner  and  blitzen  they  ought  to  have 
peen  two  hours  ago.  I  zuppose  you  were  talking 
und  gabbling  here  ven  you  ought  to  have  peen 
attending  to  pusiness." 

"  I  have  been  attending  to  business  as  closely  as 
you,"  said  Hogan,  who  in  spite  of  the  Sergeant's 
leprimand,  did  not  seem  at  all  abashed. 

"  No  you  hav'nt,  I  huve  peen  overrun  mit  pusi- 
ness all  de  morning,  bud  dunner  und  blitzen  again, 
vat  does  dis  ere  veller  vant  here  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,  you  can  ask  him  yourself," 
responded  the  clerk. 

"  Ask  him  yourself !  ist  dat  de  respects  you 
show  to  your  superior  non-commissioned  officer," 
exclaimed  the  Sergeant-  "For  what  you  not  know 
petter  un  that  ?  " 

"  My  education  in  some  respects  was  rather  neg- 
lected," replied  the  other  with  admirable  sang  froid^ 
*'  I  suppose  I  must  learn  an  accommodating  style  of 
address  from  you." 

''Address — veil  I'll  improve  your  address.     Go' 
und  finish  dose  babers,  as  soon  as  we  gets  dru   de 
inspection.     Und  zee  that  before  evening  you  don't 
get  trunk." 

"  If  I  do,  I  know  my  fate,"  was  the  answer, 
"  but  at  present  I  have  no  relish  either  for  the  guard 
house  or  for  a  general  court  martial.  The  papers 
will  be  finished  before  evening," 

"  Und  you  knabe,  vat  wants  you  here,  eh  ?  "  said 
the  Sergeant,  who  having  disponed  of  Hogan  in  the 
first  instance  now  turned  his  attention  to  Guy. 


Guy  AvcraU.  79 

"I  have  a  free  foot  in  this  part  of  llic  world,"  re- 
sponded our  friend,  "  and  as  a  necessary  consecjuence 
I  have  made  up  my  mind  to  enter  the  Army." 

"  Vot  you  enlists — ist  dat  vot  you  say.  Free 
man,  eh  ?  Land  of  the  brave  and  home  of  the  free, 
eh  !  who  taught  you  dat .''  " 

"  I  learned  it  myself,"  said  Guy. 

"  You  learned  it  yourself,. vot  in  New  Jersey  !  Veil 
den  you  knabe,  let  me  ask  you  one  question.  Do 
you  expects  to  be  any  more  free  vonce  you  enlists }  " 

"  I  don't  know"  was  the  anwer. 

"  You  don't  know  just  now,  but  before  long  you 
will  find  it  out.  However,  I  enlists  you.  Come 
here  to-morrow  morning  at  nine  o'clock,  und  we  vill 
see  vat  we  can  do  mit  you.    I  vill  talk  to  the  Major." 

While  this  dialogue  was  progressing  between 
Guy  and  the  Sergeant,  the  clerk  Hogan  saw  fit  to 
retire  to  a  back  room  which  contained  his  accoutre- 
ments ;  and  in  a,  few  minutes  afterwards  he  re-ap- 
peared in  clean  boots,  clean  trousers,  and  clean 
jacket,  his  tout  ensemble  being  the  verypersonifica- 
cation  of  military  neatness.  How  any  person  could 
change  his  habiliments  in  the  few  seconds  that 
Hogan  required  for  that  purpose  was  a  mystery 
which  Guy  Averall  could  not  comprehend.  Having, 
however,  completed  his  examination  of  the  clerk, 
Master  Averall  sauntered  out  of  the  premises.  As 
he  was  going  down  the  hallway,  a  very  quiet  look- 
ing little  man  in  uniform  passed  him  ;  and  shortly 
afterwards  the  voice  of  the  Sergeant  was  heard  giv- 
ing the  word  "  attention,"  a  polysyllable  which  is 
always  pronounced  in  military  circles,  when  an 
officer  of  the  United  States  Army  enters  a  room  that 


8o  Guy  Ave  rail. 

is  occupied  by  enlisted  men.  Guy  Averall  immedi- 
ately surmised  that  the  inspection,  to  which  refer- 
ence had  been  made  already,  was  now  going  on  ; 
and  that  the  personage  who  had  passed  him,  when 
making  his  exit,  was  neither  more  or  less  than  that 
gallant  Captain  Daisy. 

V. 
During  the  evening  Guy  Averall  retired  to  his 
lodging  house,  and  while  there  began  to  cogitate  on 
the  career  now  open  before  him.  He  thought  of 
that  wonderful  history  which  he  had  been  reading 
a  short  time  previous;  he  though  of  Austerlitz, 
Jena,  and  the  terrible  passage  of  the  bridge  of  Lodi, 
he  thought  of  the  possibility  of  rivalling  these  feats 
of  arms  in  the  United  States  of  America;  enlisting, 
in  short,  as  a  simple  private,  and  finishing  his  course 
as  chief  of  some  brigade  in  the  Republican  service. 
Was  there  anything  impossible  in  this.  Certainly 
not ; — did  not  Ney,  Victor,  and  a  score  of  others, 
all  originally  rise  from  the  ranks,  and  can  it  be  said 
that  such  a  country  as  the  United  States,  the 
chances  of  promotion  are  less  than  in  the  older 
nations  of  Europe !  The  thing  is  preposterous, 
Guy  Averall  will  be  Brigadier  General  yet — that's 
settled.  But  here  a  slight  suspicion  passed  over 
the  mind  of  our  hero — perhaps,  after  all,  the  chances 
for  elevation  in  the  American  Army  were  not  so 
brilliant  as  at  first  sight  they  may  seem — perhaps 
the  man  who  enlists  under  the  Stars  and  Stripes  is 
uncertain,  in  default  of  patronage,  to  attain  the 
higher  grades,  and  that  when  the  clerk  Hogan  spoke 
of  rapid  promotions  the  words  were  uttered  in  pure 


Guy  Ave  rail.  81 

irony.  Well,  even  so — the  life  of  a  soldier,  after 
all,  is  not  to  be  despised.  The  changes  from  sta- 
tion would  afford  an  excellent  opportunity  of  seeing 
the  country,  and  as  to  the  mere  act  of  enlisting, 
there  was  certainly  nothing  disreputable  in  it. 
Yes,  a  soldier's  calling,  let  people  say  as  they  may^ 
is  an  honest,  and  as  the  world  is  now  constituted  a 
necessary  one  ;  and  although  sentimental  humanita- 
rians may  preach,  it  will  be  a  long  time  before  we 
can  dispense  with  a  uniform.  As  to  the  individuals 
in  the  Army,  it  is  only  natural  to  suppose  that  there 
are  the  good,  the  bad  and  the  indifferent  among 
them,  just  as  we  have  these  several  classes  every- 
where else.  A  truce  then  to  this  hesitation — to- 
morrow our  adventurer  will  enter  in  a  new  career — 
perhaps  the  step  he  is  now  about  to  take  may  be 
attended  with  good  luck;  but  even  if  the  contrary 
should  happen,  Guy  Averall  will  surely  inflict  no 
injury  on  any  one  but  himself. 

Next  morning,  therefore,  according  to  command, 
Master  Averall  appeared  at  the  recruiting  office, 
where  the  usual  formalities  pertaining  to  enlistment 
were  dispatched.  Guy  underwent  a  medical  exami- 
nation, took  the  customary  oath,  signed  his  papers 
before  a  notary  public,  and  now  stood  a  full  private 
in  the  United  States  service.  At  first  an  objection 
was  made  on  account  of  his  age,  but  when  Guy 
stated  that  he  was  his  own  master,  and  consequently 
no  officious  relative  could  claim  him  as  a  runaway, 
the  demurrer  was  withdrawn.  It  is  but  right  to  say 
that  in  this  entire  transaction,  even  in  spite  of 
Hogan's  exaggerated  statements,  there  was  nothing 
but  fair  dealing  exhibited  on  the  part  of  the  govern- 


82  Guy  Aver  all. 

ment.  The  amount  of  the  private's  pay,  which  was 
then  seven  dollars  a  month,  was  clearly  stated  ;  the 
clothing  given  to  him  was  mentioned  ;  while  no 
attempt  was  made  to  conceal  the  fact  that  the 
engagement  itself  was  a  somewhat  lengthy  one,  and 
could  not  be  terminated  on  either  side  by  mere 
caprice.  In  fact  all  efforts  at  misrepresentation,  in 
order  to  induce  young  men  to  enlist,  is  steadily  dis- 
countenanced at  Washington;  and  indeed  the  good 
Captain  Daisy  was  by  nature  too  inert  to  extol  the 
service  to  anything  beyond  its  merits.  When  Guy 
had  taken  the  required  oath,  he  simply  contented 
himself,  as  Hogan  had  already  done,  with  adminis- 
tering some  seasonable  advice  on  the  prevailing 
offence  of  intoxication. 

"When  you  get  into  the  Darmy,"  said  the 
official  speaking  through  his  nose,  and  looking  at 
the  same  time  very  earnestly  at  Guy,  "  when  you 
get  in  the  Darmy,  be  careful  to  avoid  pad  trink. 
Young  men  ruin  their  constitution  by  too  much 
stimulant,  now  a  days — pad  trink  causes  fights  after 
bay  day  and  garrison  court  martials  and  that  sort 
of  thing — whiskey,  my  dear  young  man,  is  the 
source  of  an  infinite  amount  of  trouble." 

"  I  never,  as  yet,  have  been  guilty  of  any  excess 
in  that  way,"  said  Guy. 

"  Yes,  I  know,  I  know,"  was  the  answer,  "  but  still 
the  temptation  is  too  much  for  young  men,  even  in 
spite  of  their  good  resolutions.  Let  pad  trink  alone, 
and  you  will  be  all  right.  Dat  will  do.  Sergeant,  if  a 
good  strong  man,  fit  to  look  after  a  horse  and  work 
a  bangle  should  enlist,  send  him  to  me  or  Mrs. 
Daisy  by  all  means.     I  want  a  man  of  that  sort,  but 


Guy  Aver  all.  83 

see  that  he  is  regular  in  his  habits,  at  tlie  same  time; 
for  this  thing  of  pad  trink  has  given  me  more  trouble 
than  all  the  other  evils  in  the  Army  put  together." 

At  this  instant  the  clerk  Hjgan  appeared  with 
some  papers  requiring  the  Captain's  signature,  and 
Averall  stepped  out.  Five  or  six  other  recruits 
were  accepted  that  morning  in  due  form  ;  for  in 
truth  the  cold  weather  seemed  to  have  a  magical 
effect  on  New  Jersey  patriotism,  as  far  as  one  branch 
of  the  service  was  concerned.  Of  those  enlisted 
on  the  present  occasion,  two  were  Irishmen,  two 
were  Germans,  one  was  an  American  and  one  was  a 
native  of  Canada — these  members  indeed  may  serve 
as  an  indication  of  the  different  nationalities  which 
are  found  under  ordinary  circumstances  in  the 
Army.  The  Irishmen  and  Germans  were  like  Guy 
fresh  importations ;  the  Canadian  had  been  drifting 
around  Newark  for  some  time  ;  as  to  the  American, 
whose  name  was  Petersen,  he  was  a  good-natured 
whimsical  fellow,  who  at  one  time  had  been  a  printer 
in  the  interior  of  Pennsylvania,  more  recently  a  lec- 
turer on  phrenology,  and  now  seemed  resolved  to 
turn  soldier  as  he  expressed  it  "just  for  a  lark." 
One  appendage  which  he  carried  in  his  hand  must 
not  be  forgotten  in  this  place — a  box  containing  a 
collection  of  skulls,  and  on  these,  as  fragments  of 
phrenological  science,  an  immense  value  seemed  to 
be  placed.  Guy,  nevertheless,  in  talking  with  Peter- 
sen found  him  a  man  of  considerable  information, 
and  hence  he  determined  to  cultivate  his  acquaint- 
ance as  thoroughly  as  possible.  In  return,  the 
printer  gave  Guy  a  long  description  of  such  man- 
ners and  usages  as  were  prevalent  among  the  Ger- 


84  Gvy  Aver  all. 

man  population  of  his  native  state;  told  him  of  the 
Mennonites,  Dunkards,  and  other  religious  bodies 
found  among  them  ;  and  finally,  wound  up  with  an 
account  of  that  curious  custom  called  "  bundling," 
which  permits  a  couple  who  contemplate  marriage 
to  occupy  temporary  the  same  nocturnal  couch,  but 
visits  with  the  most  condign  punishment  any  viola- 
tion of  the  seventh  commandment. 


AFLOAT. 

I. 

The  morning  after  the  enlistment  of  Master  Guy 
a  grand  discussion  took  place  in  the  recruiting  depot 
on  a  point  to  which  the  mind  of  the  military  man  nat- 
urally reverts;  namely,  the  composition  and  character 
of  the  armies  of  the  different  countries  of  Europe  at 
the  present  time.  The  place  of  meeting  was  the 
mess  room  ;  the  speakers  were  the  more  verdant 
recruits,  who  had  joined  the  service  the  day  pre- 
vious, and  the  particular  theme  which  engaged  their 
attention,  in  the  first  instance,  was  the  famous  battle 
of  Waterloo,  and  the  part  that  was  borne  in  it  by 
the  several  contestants,  French,  Prussians  and  En- 
glish, who  were  there  engaged.  A  profound  admi- 
ration for  barbaric  force  was  evidently  the  promi- 
nent trait  during  the  debate,  while  each  interlocutor 
spoke  according  to  his  individual  predilection,  and 
endeavored  above  all  things  to  uphold  the  honor  of 
that  nation  which  he  was  inclined  to  claim  as  his  own. 

"  The  Frinch,  I  maintain,  are  the  best  troops 
that  the  world  has  ever  seen,"  exclaimed  one 
speaker,  an  Irishman  from  the  County  Cork. 

"  In  steadiness  and  discipline,  they  cannot  for  a 
moment  be  compared  to  those  under  John  Bull," 
was  the  appropriate  answer,  as  given  by  a  Canadian. 

"  Yes,  but  by  gar,  when  the  old  Brussians  came 
in,  both  Vrench  and  English   have  to  submit,"  was 
the  rejoinder,  put  forward  by  the  German. 
^^5 


S6  Guy  Averall. 

"Bosh,  nonsense,  the  Prussians  were  whipped 
again  and  again,  during  the  wars  with  Napoleon; 
while  the  English  under  Wellington  were  never 
beaten,"  said  the  Canadian. 

"  How  do  you  account  for  Wellington's  exclama- 
tion about  wishing  for  night  on  Blucher,  during  the 
progress  of  the  fight  ?  "  asked  the  Irishman  with  a 
proud  look. 

"  How  do  you  account  for  the  repulse  of  the  old 
guard,  with  the  shouts  of  tout  est  perdu  which  fol- 
lowed .''  "  was  the  reply. 

"  The  Frinch  took  one  of  the  positions  in  front 
of  the  English,  even  in  spite  of  their  teeth,"  re- 
marked the  one. 

"  The  English  held  the  chateau  of  Hogoumont, 
notwithstanding  the  best  efforts  of  their  adversaries 
to  dislodge  them,"  replied  the  other. 

"  During  the  last  hours  of  the  fight,  the  British 
reserves  were  all  in  line,  and  even  then  they  were 
almost  used  up." 

"  The  French  outnumbered  their  opponents  in 
the  beginning  of  the  affray,  and  were  repulsed  again 
and  again  by  inferior  forces." 

"  Yes,  but  if  it  had  not  been  for  the  old  Brus- 
sians  what  could  Wellington  have  done.?  Napoleon 
would  have  renewed  the  attack,  and  would  have 
whipped  the  British,  spite  of  their  teeth." 

It  is  not  known  how  long  this  discourse  would 
have  lasted,  or  where  it  would  have  ended,  had  not 
the  amiable  Heidenrick  appeared  at  this  juncture 
and  cut  it  somewhat  short.  "  Dunner  und  blitzen," 
said  he,  as  he  thrust  his  head  into  the  room,  "  for 
what  are  all  you  vellers  making  this  tammed  noise 


Guy  Avcrall.  87 

for.  You  two  Irish  vellers,  I  can  hear  your  voice 
all  over  de  house,  und  you  tammed  Dutchman  too, 
you  are  every  pit  as  pad  as  the  rest.  For  what  you 
not  know  that  I  expects  peace  and  quietness  in 
these  quarters  till  I  gives  you  leave  to  speak.  Zo 
you  learn  good  manners  and  keep  quiet  at  once," 

The  peremptory  style  in  which  these  words  were 
uttered,  served  as  a  damper  upon  any  further  de- 
bate ;  after  all  was  quieted  however,  an  old  Scotch- 
man, called  Moldwell,  who  had  formerly  served  in 
the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  and  who  had  re-enlisted 
that  very  morning  remarked:  "Is  there  not  some- 
thing senseless,"  he  said,  in  this  exaltation  of  human 
slaughter,  as  the  most  sublime  of  earthly  qualities. 
Some  of  the  greatest  pests  the  world  has  ever  seen 
were  remarkable  for  their  love  of  fighting,  but  in 
spite  of  the  pyramid  of  skulls  which  they  erect,  here 
and  there,  every  one  despises  and  abhors  them.  As 
to  Napoleon  Bonaparte,  he  was  undoubtedly  a  very 
great  man  ;  but  it  is  not  the  number  of  persons 
that  he  killed  that  constitutes  his  claim  in  our  admi- 
ration, but  rather  the  skill  he  evinced  in  command- 
ing men  and  in  bringing  his  own  country  under  the 
dominion  of  order,  at  a  time  when  it  was  com- 
pletely disorganized.  Without  these  qualities  he 
would  have  been  nothing  better  than  a  Gengis  Khan 
or  an  Attila." 

"  I  understand  your  meaning,"  replied  Guy,  "  but 
after  all,  your  conqueror,  be  he  good  or  bad,  is  a 
mighty  interesting  fellow  ;  and  in  addition  it  seems 
to  me  that  a  people  who  do  not  advocate  a  proper 
sentiment  of  honor  in  the  profession  of  arms  leave 
a  poor  legacy   to  their  successors.     I   have  lately 


88  Guy  Averall. 

been  reading  one  of  the  greatest  work  on  history, 
that  probably  ever  was  written,  and  as  long  as  I 
have  Abbott  and  his  narrative  at  my  back,  I  care 
little  for  these  petty  cavillings."  And  having  deliv- 
ered himself  in  this  truly  oracular  manner  Guy 
Averall  made  his  escape  from  the  recruiting  station, 
and  in  company  with  the  clerk  Hogan,  he  afterwards 
sought  the  street. 

"Thank  Heaven  we  are  free  from  the  tongue  of 
that  old  boor,  at  any  rate — I  mean  Heidenrick  of 
course,"  said  the  scribe  as  soon  as  he  had  gained 
the  outer  air,  "  we  can  now  go  round  the  city,  like 
free  men.  Wont  you  come  along  with  me,  till  we 
see  some  of  the  sights  ?  " 

To  this  proposition  Guy  immediately  assented, 
but  they  had  not  proceeded  very  far  before  Averall 
noticed  a  couple  of  rather  rough  looking  fellows,  of 
the  Irish  persuasion,  coming  out  of  a  whiskey  shop, 
and  swaggering  before  him  down  the  street.  They 
were  both  dressed  in  a  half-ragged,  half-careless 
style,  but  seemed  to  be  in  the  best  possible  spirits, 
for  after  proceeding  a  few  paces  they  struck  up  the 
following  chorus : 

Where'eer  we  go  we  make  a  noise, 

Paint  blue  eyes  black,  and  flatten  noses. 
Kick  up  a  row  among  the  boys. 

And  level  those  who  dare  oppose  us. 
Bow,  wow,  wow.     Yankee  Doodle  now. 
Give  us  a  chance  for  a  while  to  maltreat  you. 
Bow,  wow,  wow. 

"  Humorous  certainly,"  said  Guy,  "  our  country 
is  occasionally  honored,  in  the  representatives  that 
are  thrust  before  the  public." 


Guy  Averall.  89 

"  Honored  !  of  course  it  is,"  was  the  response. 
"There  is  no  Irishman,  in  these  United  States,  who 
does  not  feel  proud  of  the  fact  that  he  has  such 
compatriots  as  these.  But  listen  once  more  to  the 
music." 

After  a  while  the  swaggerers  continued, 

No  Tory  Judge  in  the  land  of  the  free, 
To  hang,  draw,  quarter  and  abuse  us, 
No  Justice  of  the  Peace,  save  those  that  we  elect. 
To  souse  a  bully  boy,  if  he  happens  to  abuse  us. 
Bow,  wow,  wow.     Yankee  Doodle  now, 
Give  us  a  chance  for  a  while  to  maltreat  you. 
Bow,  wow,  wow. 

"What  an  unmitigated  couple  of  ruffians,"  said 
Guy,  speaking  in  this  instance  from  the  bottom  of 
his  heart.  "  Do  you  find  many  such  as  these  in  the 
United  States  service  1  " 

"  Why  no,"  was  the  answer  "  military  discipline 
hardly  agrees  with  them.  Such  fellows  as  these 
prefer  the  freedom  of  citizen  life,  where  they  can 
roam  at  large.  They  run  to  fires  ;  act  as  repeaters 
at  election  time;  vote  the  democratic  ticket;  and, 
generally  speaking,  contrive  to  pick  up  a  living  in 
all  sorts  of  ways,  provided  they  can  get  clear  of 
continuous,  steady  work.  In  this  particular  locality 
we  call  such  fellows  as  these  the  *  livelies  ;  '  a  word 
which  expresses  the  free  and  easy  disposition  which 
is  habitual  to  them.  All  Irishmen,  my  dear  friend, 
in  these  parts,  are  divided  into  two  classes  the 
'livelies,'  and  the  'dulls.'  The  last  contrive  to 
save  a  little  money,  now  and  then,  and  do  not  differ 
essentially  from  the  great  body  of  citizens  by  whom 
they  are  surrounded.     The  others  manage  to  spend 


9©  Guy  Aver  all. 

even  more  than  they  earn ;  yes,  and  what  is  still 
better,  spend  it  with  considerable  eclat  !  " 

*'  Eclat !  that  may  be,"  said  Guy,  "but  somehow 
or  other,  I  cannot  say  that  I  admire  their  free  and 
easy  style  of  living.  Still,  let  us  not  be  too  hasty, 
perhaps  they  may  not  be  as  bad  as  they  seem,  and 
therefore  it  would  be  wrong  to  prejudge  them." 

At  this  instant  the  two  worthies  were  joined  by  a 
confederate,  somewhat  bigger  than  either,  and  the 
three  remained  together  in  consultation  respecting 
some  question  of  local  politics  which  then  engaged 
their  attention.  After  a  few  seconds,  a  woman  who 
was  peddling  oranges,  came  into  the  street  ;  and  as 
an  orange  to  the  mobocracy  is  a  fruit  somewhat  dis- 
tasteful, it  was  resolved  forthwith  to  attack  her.  No 
sooner  said  than  done,  in  a  trice  the  poor  woman 
was  upset,  her  fruit  was  scattered  over  the  pave- 
ment, and  while  two  of  the  rowdies  ran  away,  the 
third  began  to  pick  up  the  contents  of  the  basket 
and  transfer  them  instantly  to  his  pocket.  But  he 
had  hardly  proceeded  any  length,  when  the  woman 
bethought  her  of  her  remedy  ;  and  began  scream- 
ing "  police,  police  "  at  the  top  of  her  voice. 

There  was  a  long  pause  before  any  policeman 
appeared,  but  finally  a  gentleman,  in  citizen  attire, 
with  a  star  on  his  breast,  became  visible,  and  asked 
the  woman  what  was  the  matter  ? 

"What's  the  matter,  is  it,  yer  after  axin  "  was 
the  response  "  Faix  plinty  iv  matter,  I  assure  you. 
Look  at  that  hangdog  looking  ruffian,  who  has  just 
ran  round  the  corner.  He  has  upset  me  basket  iv 
daicent  oranges  into  the  gutter;  and  that  other 
main  looking  villain,  with  the  dirty  brown  coat,  has 


Guy  Ave  rail.  91 

stolen  the  half  of  them,  och  hone  !  och  hone  !  that 
iver  I  should  see  this  day  !  Here  are  all  my  savings 
and  scrapings,  after  struggling  for  tin  long  years  in 
Amerikay,  scattered  abroad  in  an  instant." 

"  Well,  what  do  you  wish  me  to  do  in  this  mat- 
ter?" 

"  Wish  you  to  do  in  the  matter !  And  are  ye 
after  axin  me  such  a  question  as  that.  Why  arrest 
the  bloody  villian  of  course;  and  put  him  in  jail; 
and  let  him  be  tried  for  insultin  and  abusin  as  daicent 
and  respectable  a  woman,  as  ever  trod  the  streets  of 
Newark." 

"It  is  your  fault,  not  his,"  said  the  Policeman 
with  a  grunt. 

"  Well  did  I  ivir — "  said  the  woman.  But  just 
at  this  moment  the  official  began  to  reflect  that  per- 
haps, after  all,  it  was  better  for  him  to  put  the  law 
in  force,  and  arrest  the  plunderer,  who  was  now  pro- 
ceeding leisurely  up  the  street. 

He  started  forward  in  order  to  put  this  design 
into  execution,  but  hardly  had  he  touched  the  first 
offender,  when  one  of  the  other  confederates  ap- 
peared on  the  scene.  This  man  seemed  to  be  an 
adept  in  the  arts  of  the  street ;  for  just  as  the  police- 
man was  on  the  point  of  making  the  arrest,  he  came 
behind  the  latter,  tripped  him  up  very  skilfully  with 
one  foot,  hit  the  official  a  blow  on  the  neck  when 
falling,  and  then  both  he  and  his  friend  scampered 
off,  as  fast  as  their  feet  could  carry  them.  Mean- 
while the  unfortunate  v/oman,  on  whom  the  assault 
had  been  made,  collected  such  remnants  of  her  fruit 
as  she  could  secure,  and  then  started  home,  mutter- 
ing her  discontent  as  best  she  could. 


92 


Guy  Aver  all. 


"  Well,  well,"  said  Guy  when  the  whole  thing  was 
over,  "this  certainly  is  one  of  the  most  wonderful  af- 
fairs I  ever  saw  in  the  whole  course  of  my  life.  Is  this 
the  popular  government  which  we  have  in  America  ?  " 
"Speak  reverentially  of  .the  gods"  said  Mr. 
Hogan  with  a  look  which  defied  criticism,  "  else 
their  majesties  will  visit  you,  on  a  sudden,  with 
Nemesis  at  their  heels.  You  are  how  in  a  part  of 
the  world  where  valor  is  supreme,  accompanied  with 
occasional  flashes  of  wit  and  humor.  Democracy 
makes  us  all  happy.  This  is  what  is  known  as  the 
buily  sixty-fourth  ward  ;  and  we  are  now  standing 
in  the  city  of  Newark." 

Mr,  Hogan  was  facetious;  his  parts  indeed  shone 
out  on  several  occasions,  during  the  day ;  and  to- 
wards evening,  as  they  were  returning  together  to 
the  recruiting  station,  Guy  Averall  took  the  liberty 
of  suggesting  once  more  that  a  gentleman  of  the 
varied  attainments  of  the  clerk,  could  readily  find 
more  profitable  occupation  than  in  the  Army.  At 
first  Hogan  made  no  direct  reply  to  this  remark,  but 
after  both  friends  were  seated  in  the  company  office, 
the  scribe  heaved  a  sigh,  and  then  observed  that 
there  was  indeed  a  fatality  connected  with  the 
service,  for  once  a  person  had  joined  it  he  was 
doomed  again  and  again  to  re-enlist.  "  Still,"  said 
he,  "  I  enjoy  the  army  heartily,  spite  of  Heidenrick, 
and  following  out  this  notion,  I  on  one  occasion, 
composed  a  few  verses  on  the  subject,  which  with 
your  kind  permission  I  should  like  to  sing,  as  ex- 
pressive of  the  feelings  of  an  old  soldier  like  myself, 
after  he  has  taken  refuge  for  the  third  or  fourth 
time  under  the  United  States  flag." 


Guy  Aver  all.  93 

"  Let  us  hear  them,"  exclaimed  Guy, 
And  in  accordance  with  this  invitation,  the  bard, 
after  sitting  down  on  a  chair,  crossed  his  legs,  and 
when  his  cap  had  been  adjusted  in  proper  style,  he 
favored  Private  Averall  with  the  following  ode. 

Where'er  I've  wandered,  and  calmly  pondered, 

On  back  pay  squandered,  'twixt  me  and  you, 
There  comes  a  twitching,  mild  and  bewitching, 

That  urges  me  for  to  don  the  blue. " 
Whether  kissing,  courting,  or  drinking,  sporting. 

With  chums  consorting,  the  same  is  true. 
For  some  gentle  spirit,  that  I  inherit, 

Whispers,  "  Hogan,  boy,  put  on  Army  blue." 

I've  oft  resisted,  and  turned  and  twisted. 

And  still  insisted,  for  some  other  hue. 
But  the  thing's  so  taking,  there's  no  forsaking. 

That  piece  of  cloth  they  call  Army  blue. 
Since  then  I'm  fated,  thus  to  be  mated. 

To  the  dear  coat  is  full  honor  due, 
I  long  have  known  it,  ne'er  will  disown  it. 

That  piece  of  cloth  they  call  Army  blue. 

These  stanza's  sung  to  that  well-known  air,  "  The 
Groves  of  Blarney,"  were  received  with  fitting  ap- 
plause, and  after  the  conclusion  of  the  ode  both 
parties  proceeded  to  their  supper. 

II. 

In  a  couple  of  days  after  the  foregoing  events,  the 
men  already  enlisted  were  assembled,  and  put  into 
uniform,  after  which  Sergeant  Heidenrick  informed 
them  that  he  had  orders  to  dispatch  the  party  with- 
out delay  to  their  ultimate  resting  place,  Fort  Co- 
lumbus, New  York  Harbor.  A  grand  bundling  of 
effects  now  followed ;  and  as  Sullivan,  the  cook,  had 


94  Guy  Ave  rail. 

shown  himself  to  be  a  man  of  mettle,  in  a  dispute 
■with  a  noisy  recruit,  the  day  previous,  he  was  accord- 
ingly put  in  charge  of  the  party.  As  to  Guy 
Averall  the  news  of  this  transfer  to  a  regular  military 
station  delighted  him  exceedingly ;  he  longed,  in 
fact,  to  buckle  on  his  armor,  and  show  himself  a 
soldier,  ready  for  fight.  Respecting  his  old  flame 
Miss  Jessie,  he  had  already  banished  her  from  his 
mind,  and  was  -resolved  to  maintain  a  warlike  atti- 
tude towards  her,  and  also  to  the  rest  of  her  sex,  as 
long  as  he  remained  in  the  service.  So  he  strapped 
on  his  knapsack,  slung  his  haversack  over  one 
shoulder,  and  in  company  with  the  rest  of  the  re- 
cruits, he  marched  to  the  Market  Street  Depot  in 
Newark,  so  as  to  take  the  cars  for  his  ultimate  desti- 
nation at  as  early  a  period  as  possible. 

On  their  way  across  those  salt  marshes  that  lie 
on  the  road  to  New  York,  a  very  pleasant  conversa- 
tion took  place  among  the  members  of  the  party,  for 
after  the  battle  of  Waterloo  had  been  again  dis- 
cussed, and  the  Prussian,  English,  and  French  armies 
had  all  been  arranged  in  their  respective  order  of 
merit,  the  bard  Mr.  Hogan,  saw  proper  to  prefer  a 
request  to  the  phrenologist  Peterson,  so  as  to  obtain 
a  glance  at  the  box  which  contained  the  collection 
of  skulls  belonging  to  the  latter.  "  My  dear  sir, 
won't  you  let  us  have  a  look  at  your  curiosities  ?" 

"With  all  my  heart,  with  all  my  heart,"  was  the 
immediate  answer.  "  Glad,  sir,  to  find  that  you  take 
an  interest  in  the  form  of  heads.  Phrenology,  let 
me  assure  you,  is  really  one  of  the  most  sublime  and 
useful  of  the  sciences."  And,  in  an  instant,  the  box 
which  contained  the  craniological  specimens,  under 


Guy  Averall.  95 

charge  of  the  printer,  was  dragged  from  its  resting 
place,  under  his  seat,  and  a  very  fine  sample  of  the 
upper  portion  of  the  human  frame  was  placed  in  the 
hands  of  the  speaker. 

"  Why  may  not  this  be  the  skull  of  a  lawyer  C 
said  Hogan,  who  chose  to  quote  Hamlet,  after  he 
had  obtained  possession  of  the  relic.  "Where  be 
his  quiddits  now,  his  quillets,  his  cases,  his  tenures, 
and  his  tricks  ?  Humph  !  This  fellow  might  be  in  's 
time  a  great  buyer  of  land,  with  his  statutes,  his  re- 
cognizances, his  fines,  his  double  voucliers,  his  re- 
coveries. Is  this  the  fine  of  his  fines,  and  the  recov- 
ery of  his  recoveries,  to  have  his  fine  pate  full  of  fine 
dirt  ?  Will  his  vouchers  vouch  him  no  more  of  his 
purchases,  and  double  ones  too,  than  the  length  and 
breadth  of  a  pair  of  indentures  ?  The  very  convey- 
ance of  his  lands  will  hardly  lie  in  this  box  ;  and 
must  the  inheritor  himself  have  no  more  ?  I  presume, 
Mr.  Peterson,  you  have  studied  Shakspeare?" 

"Gad,  I  have,"  said  Peterson;  and  what  is  bet- 
ter have  acted  him  too,  and  just  as  soon  as  we  get 
established  in  regular  quarters,  I  propose  that  some 
of  us  gentlemen  of  taste,  should  form  a  Thespian 
society,  so  as  to  give  a  proper  representation  of 
Hamlet.  Can  I  count  on  you,  sir,  as  one  of  our 
members.  Glad  to  see  you  have  an  appreciation  of 
that  noble  science  of  which  I  am  a  devotee  ;  although 
in  point  of  fact,  that  head  over  which  you  have  been 
spouting,  did  not  belong  to  a  lawyer  at  all,  but  to  a 
French  carter,  a  man  of  an  enormous  appetite,  just 
feel  his  bump  of  alimentativeness,  if  you  please,  who 
died  in  consequence  of  eating  a  large  quantity  of 
watermelons.      Indeed,   I  secured    his  skull  on    ac- 


96  Guy  Averall. 

count  of  his  untimely  end,  and  now  consider  it  one 
of  the  most  precious  reUcs  in  my  collection." 

"  I  understand,"  said  Hogan.  "  Meanwhile  let 
me  ask  has  it  not  been  objected  to  phrenology,  that 
while  there  may  be  some  general  truth  in  the  science, 
it  is  folly  to  suppose  that  there  are  so  many  minute 
divisions  in  the  brain,  each  one  connected  with  a 
particular  faculty,  as  its  advocates  suppose  ?  " 

"  Such  an  objection  as  that  savors  of  ignorance," 
was  the  reply.  "  The  truths  of  phrenology,  my  dear 
sir,  rest  on  a  basis  which  cannot  be  shaken.  Obser- 
vation and  induction  are  all  we  rely  on,  in  support 
of  our  claims  ;  the  philosophy  "of  Bacon,  neither 
more  or  less,«if  you  please.  The  world  has  seldom 
seen  two  greater  men  then  Doctors  Gall  and  Spurz- 
heim,  to  whom  we  are  indebted  for  the  formation  of 
this  new  system.  Here  sir,  in  this  part  of  the  head, 
we  have  the  animal  propensities  ;  while  the  intel- 
lectual faculties  such  as  comparison  and  causality 
are  found  in  another.  For  ages  men  have  been 
groping  in  the  dark,  with  the  so-called  science  of 
metaphysics,  and  what  is  the  result.?  Why  simply 
a  conglomeration  of  systems,  in  which  each  philoso- 
pher says  all  his  predecessors  are  wrong,  and  he  alone 
is  right.  But  with  phrenology  the  case  is  different. 
Nothing  is  assumed  till  it  is  proven,  and  as  a  conse- 
quence we  have  positive  results,  instead  of  mere 
speculation,  as  is  the  case  with  the  earlier  meta- 
physicians. At  present,  gentlemen,  the  subject  of 
phrenology  is  only  half  appreciated  by  the  general 
public;  the  time  will  come,  nevertheless,  when  its 
claims  will  be  better  understood,  and  I  verily  be- 
lieve, that  the  day  is  not  far  distant,  when  in.stead  of 


Guy  Aver  all.  97 

selecting  officers  for  public  trusts,  by  random  elec- 
tions, as  we  now  do,  the  candidates  for  office  will 
have  their  heads  submitted  to  a  college  of  experts, 
who  after  handling  their  bumps,  in  due  order,  will 
decide  which  person  among  them  is  best  fitted  for 
public  confidence." 

Hogan  was  on  the  point  of  protesting  against 
the  grovelling  view  of  human  life  and  human  actions 
which  the  phrenologist  had  enunciated,  but  just  as 
he  was  entering  his  objection  the  train  reached 
Jersey  City.  In  due  time  the  party  got  out  of  the 
cars,  crossed  the  North  River  in  a  ferry  boat,  marched 
to  the  Battery,  and  getting  into  a  barge  that  seemed 
to  be  awaiting  them,  they  were  soon  conveyed  to 
Governors'  Island.  This  place  as  is  well  known,  is 
situated  at  the  distance  of  about  one  thousand  yards 
from  the  southern  extremity  of  New  York  city,  and 
is  separated  from  the  shore  of  Long  Island  by  a 
channel  of  considerable  depth.  According  to  offi- 
cial report,  its  whole  extent  is  something  over  sixty 
two  acres,  all  of  which  is  devoted  to  military  pur- 
poses. On  the  north-western  extremity  of  the 
Island,  a  somewhat  conspicuous  object  is  presented  in 
a  structure  known  as  Castle  Williams,  a  circular 
stone  building,  with  three  tiers  of  casemates  and  a 
battery  in  barbette.  The  Fort  itself  occupies  the 
highest  points  of  the  Island,  and  is  described  as  an 
"  old-fashioned,  four  bastioned  Fort,  with  a  deep 
ditch."  During  the  summer  months  the  surface  of 
the  Island  is  covered  with  a  green  sward,  and  pre- 
sents a  very  pleasing  appearance,  when  viewed  from 
the  deck  of  vessels,  goiug  into  or  leaving  the  Harbor. 
In  one  portion  of  the  place  is    the   ground   appro- 


98  Guy  Averall. 

priated  to  the  Ordnance  Department,  and  as  Guy 
Averall  proceeded  from  the  boat  which  conveyed 
him  to  his  final  resting  place,  a  curious  feeling  came 
over  him,  for  the  piles  of  shot  and  shell  which  he 
passed,  the  rows  of  guns  placed  on  skids  awaiting 
shipment,  and  afterward  the  grim  outline  of  the  fort 
itself,  all  served  to  fill  him  with  a  sort  of  military 
awe  which  even  his  best  philosophy  was  not  able  to 
conquer.  At  this  particular  juncture,  however,  Pri- 
vate Sullivan,  the  soldier  in  charge,  was  graciously 
pleased  to  remind  our  friend  that  he  need  not  be 
gaping  around,  just  as  if  he  had  never  heard  of  a 
Fort,  to  close  up  the  ranks,  and  take  the  proper 
step,  instead  of  staring  around  him  like  a  wild  "  om- 
hadoun." 

After  disposing  of  their  effects  in  a  suitable  man- 
ner, the  squad  was  marched  to  the  kitchen,  where 
the  orthodox  dinner  of  bread,  meat,  and  that  beau 
soup  which  Hogan  had  already  eulogized,  was 
served.  After  this,  the  recruits  were  turned  out  and 
put  through  the  first  principles  of  the  drills"  by 
the  right  flank" — "about  face" — and  above  all 
"  the  position  of  the  soldier."  As  to  marching  for- 
ward in  line,  that  at  present  was  beyond  the  power 
of  any  one  individual  of  the  party,  for  in  spite  of 
all  the  explanations  which  Sullivan  made,  some 
would  face  to  the.  right  when  the  command  was 
given  to  the  left ;  and  vice  versa  the  left  would  be 
mistaken  for  the  right  on  some  other  occasion. 
There  is  a  legend  current  at  most  military  posts  of 
a  certain  tyro  in  arms,  who  was  so  stupid  that  all 
efforts  to  teach  him  his  drill  were  futile,  so  a  rope  of 
hay   was   fastened  round   one  foot,  and  a   rope  of 


Guy  Aver  all.  99 

straw  round  another ;  and  then  by  giving  the  com- 
mands "  hay  foot,"  "  straw  foot,"  "  hay  foot,"  "  straw 
foot,"  in  succession,  the  young  man  was  finally 
taught  to  march.  But  not  one  of  Guy's  party,  we 
are  happy  to  say,  was  so  dull  as  to  require  anything 
of  this  kind.  In  the  course  of  three  or  four  weeks 
indeed,  they  were  all  adjudged  to  be  competent  sol- 
diers, and  were  accordingly  assigned  to  the  same 
duties  as  the  other  members  of  the  command. 

III. 

After  his  transfer  to  Governor's  Island,  Guy 
Averall  remained  on  the  whole  in  a  very  contented 
and  happy  frame  of  mind.  He  walked  around  the 
Island,  watched  the  steamboats  and  shipping  as  they 
moved  up  and  down  the  bay;  cast  a  wistful  eye,  now 
and  then,  at  the  big  city  which  lay  on  the  opposite 
side  of  the  harbor,  and  when  in  company  with  some 
friend  he  discussed  such  questions  of  morals  and 
metaphysics  as  the  circumstances  or  the  times  might 
suggest.  As  to  the  reading  pursued  at  this  time  by 
Master  Guy,  it  is  only  necessary  to  say  that  for  the 
present  the  Life  of  Napoleon  was  laid  aside,  and  in 
its  place  was  substituted  such  knowledge  as  could  be 
gathered  from  the  daily  press.  The  Sun,  the  Her- 
ald^ and  the  Tribune  ;  all  of  them  New  York  papers^ 
were  laid  under  contribution.  And  here  we  would 
forewarn  your  terribly  wise  and  terribly  learned  per- 
sonage, not  to  affect  the  bearing  supercilious,  when 
this  particular  description  of  reading  matter  is  men- 
tioned. It  plays  a  very  important  part  in  modern 
life  ;  and  for  that  very  reason,  if  for  no  other,  we 
cannot  afford  to  either  despise  or  ignore  it.     News- 


lOO  Guy  Ave  rail. 

papers,  we  grant,  in  many  cases,  are  anything  rather 
than  oracles  ;  indeed,  as  far  as  public  events  are 
concerned,  the  opinions  expressed  in  them,  are  often 
hastily  formed  ;  and  are  frequently  forgotten  as  soon 
as  uttered.  Yet  after  all  they  form  the  best  vehicle, 
by  all  odds,  that  has  yet  been  invented  for  informing 
the  general  public  respecting  current  events.  What 
•  a  treasure  to  us  a  series  of  Athenian  newspapers,  for 
instance,  would  be  ;  what  an  insight  they  would  give 
us  regarding  the  every  day  life  of  the  violet-crowned 
city.  How  much  might  an  opinion  be  modified,  of 
this  or  that  public  character,  if  only  their  actions 
and  speeches  were  periodically  reported.?  Some 
newspapers  may  be  mercenary,  but  at  the  very  most, 
a  mercenary  press  is  surely  much  better  than  a  muz- 
zled press.  No  country  can  long  preserve  its  lib- 
erty where  a  free  expression  of  opinion  is  not  at  all 
times  tolerated. 

So  much  on  this  subject,  let  us  now  proceed  to 
another.  As  to  the  officers  then  stationed  at  Fort 
Columbus — Master  Averall,  of  course,  saw  them 
every  now  and  then.  Sometimes  he  met  them  on 
parade  ;  sometimes  he  passed  them  on  the  sidewalk, 
and  on  such  occasions  he  touched  his  cap,  in  a  duti- 
ful and  respectful  manner,  as  each  and  every  soldier 
in  the  American  Army  is  bound  by  Regulations  to 
do.  But  to  criticise  them,  even  in  the  smallest  mat- 
ter, he  found  himself  utterly  incapable  of  doing, 
and  therefore  he  never  attempted  anything  of  the 
kind.  To  be  candid,  however,  they  all  seemed  to 
be  well  behaved,  well  conducted  gentlemen,  who 
attended  to  their  military  duties  day  after  day ;  and 
if  there  were  any  exceptions  to  the  rule,  it  certainly 


Guy  Ave  rail.  loi 

did  not  appear  upon  tlie  surface.  Indeed,  in  the 
favorable  opinion  thus  formed,  Guy  Averall  was 
happy  to  find  that  the  notions  of  other  enlisted  men 
coincided  exactly  with  his  own,  for  they  all  spoke  in 
praise  of  their  officers,  considering  them  evidently 
the  finest  set  of  young  fellows  that  drew  the  breath 
of  life  at  that  instant.  One  evening,  for  instance,  as 
Guy  Averall  was  walking  round  the  Island,  in  com- 
l)any  with  the  old  Scotchman  whose  name  has  already 
been  mentioned,  he  enquired  the  title  of  the  present 
commandant. 

"  Why  Captain  Le  Froy,"  was  the  answer  "  as 
gallant  and  polite  a  gentleman  as  ever  lived.  He 
comes  from  an  old  French  family,  in  the  State  of 
South  Carolina,  and  has  embraced  the  military  pro- 
fession, from  pure  ardor  and  love  of  country.  He 
graduated  very  high  in  West  Point,  I  am  told,  has  an 
immense  amount  of  scientific  and  other  lore,  and  is 
always  devising  some  new  improvement  in  tactical 
manoeuvres.  If  a  quarrel  were  to  break  out  with 
Mexico,  or  any  other  foreign  country,  I'll  venture 
Ito  prophesy,  that  Le  Froy,  line  officer  although  he 
now  is,  will  be  a  full  Brigadier-General  before  many 
months  are  over." 

"  And  the  Lieutenants  of  our  Company,  who  are 
they?" 

"  The  senior,  a  very  good  man  by  the  way.  is  at 
present  absent  on  detached  service  ;  those  present 
are  two  young  gentlemen,  recent  graduates  of  West 
Point,  the  name  of  the  one  is  George  F.  Spruce,  and 
the  name  of  the  other  is  Theophilus  Z.  Taper,  Esq., 
both  as  handsome  and  polite  young  men,  as  ever 
wore  shoe  leather.  The  knowledge  that  these  officers 


I02  Giiy  Ave  rail. 

have  is  immense.  Calculus,  the  science  and  art  of 
war,  grand  strategy,  and  the  most  recondite  princi- 
ples of  engineering,  are  all  on  their  finger  ends  like 
so  many  chopsticks.  For  one  thing,  however,  I  will 
give  them  credit  ;  namely,  that  they  are  both  excel- 
lent drill  instructors,  as  indeed  most  of  our  young 
officers  are  ;  and  in  a  couple  of  years,  when  they  get 
rid  of  their  lady  love  notions,  and  have  a  little  more 
practical  experience  of  us  rough  soldiers,  they  will 
both  become  very  useful  and  valuable  men." 

"  The  course  of  training  at  West  Point  is  quite  a 
severe  test ;  at  least  so  I  have  been  led  from  news- 
paper stories  to  believe,"  said  Guy. 

"  In  a  certain  sense  it  is,"  was  the  answer.  "  Of 
course  it  is  purely  technical,  as  is  the  case  in  all  mili- 
tary colleges,  yet  to  master  it  thoroughly,  in  the  four 
or  five  years  allotted  to  study,  requires  both  capacity 
and  considerable  powers  of  application.  The  moral 
training  at  West  Point  is  also,  in  my  opinion,  much 
superior  to  that  which  prevails  in  most  American 
colleges,  where  the  students  prevaricate,  and  play 
dirty,  nasty  litle  tricks  on  each  other,  in  a  way  that  is 
almost  beyond  belief.  I  shrewdly  suspect,  however, 
as  far  as  West  Point  is  concerned,  that  while  great 
credit  is  due  a  portion  of  each  class,  for  their  techni- 
cal skill,  another  section,  per  contra,  are  extremely 
slip-shod  in  their  acquirements.  It  is  the  old  story 
of  the  really  good  student,  and  the  one  who  has  just 
sufficient  ability  to  pass.  Why  it  is  only  a  few  days 
since  I  had  to  show  a  West  Point  man  how  to  per- 
form a  very  common  arithmetical  computation.  The 
case,  no  doubt,  was  an  exceptional  one,  and  yet  the 
circumstance  in  itself  served  to  suggest,  either  that 


Guv  Ave  rail.  103 

the  mind  of  this  functionary  was  not  much  given  to 
exact  formula ;  or  else  that  a  very  large  portion  of 
that  mathematical  lore,  on  which  so  much  care  is  ex- 
pended, is  very  soon  forgotten  after  the  student  leaves 
the  Academy." 

"  Are  young  men  ever  sent  to  West  Point  through 
family  influence  ?"  said  Guy,  who  really  was  then 
ignorant  of  the  usual  mode  of  appointment, 

"  My  dear  young  friend,"  was  the  answer,"  this 
thing  of  a  family  possessing  hereditary  influence,  in 
political  affairs  is  one  of  your  wild  uncultivated 
notions,  and  is  almost  entirely  unknown  in  America. 
Even  an  Adams  or  a  Washington,  could  hardly  rally 
at  the  present  time  a  score  of  followers,  by  virtue  of 
his  name,  with  us  personal  merit,  or  perhaps  I  should 
say  personal  exertions  at  election  time  are  every  thing ; 
and  since  each  representative  in  Congress  is  vested 
with  the  power  of  nominating  the  cadet  to  which  his 
district  is  entitled,  the  appointment  is  made  from 
political  considerations  alone.  Hence  the  young 
aspirant  for  military  honors  may  belong  to  a  family 
in  which  mental  culture  is  hereditary  ;  or  on  the  con- 
trary he  may  belong  to  one  in  which  the  opposite  is 
the  case.  But  in  either  contingency  his  treatment  is 
precisely  the  same  as  at  the  Military  Academy,  once 
he  is  admitted  there  ;  indeed  I  know  an  instance, 
which  occured  not  long  ago,  Avhere  the  son  of  a  great 
millionaire,  was  at  the  foot  of  his  class,  and  as  a  con- 
sequence was  consigned  to  the  Infantry;  while  the 
son  of  a  working  miller  graduated  first  and  became 
an  Engineer.  This  is  all  as  it  should  be,  and  is  cer- 
tainly an  improvement  on  the  usages  which  obtain  in 
other  departments  of  public  life.     Further  than  this, 


T04  Guy  Averall. 

the  number  of  men  under  military  rule  is  sufficiently- 
large  to  constitute  a  society,  with  its  own  code  of 
propriety  and  usages,  and  to  this  code,  which  is  in 
the  main  I  think,  an  honorable  one,  all  the  members 
are  bound  by  general  opinion  to  conform.  Among 
the  officers  of  the  Army  we  have  occasionally  one,  it 
is  true,  who  now  and  then  ventures  on  some  extra- 
ordinary thing;  but  these  wild  birds,  as  a  general 
rule,  are  not  found  among  those  who  graduate  in  a 
regular  way.  The  deficiency  then  falls  upon  the 
other  subdivision  who  receive  commissions  ;  I  mean, 
of  course,  those  appointed  from  civil  life  ;  for  as  to 
the  few  persons  at  present  promoted  from  the  ranks, 
their  number  is  so  small  as  to  be  left  entirely  out  of 
the  count.  In  our  political  system,  indeed,  promo- 
tion from  the  ranks,  in  ordinary  circumstances  is 
almost  an  impossibility." 

"  Then  Hogan  was  merely  quizzing  me  when  he 
stated  that  any  well-conducted  youth,  who  enlisted 
in  the  United  States  Army,  might  ultimately  expect 
to  reach  the  position  of  Brigadier  General,"  re- 
marked Guy. 

"  I  imagine  so,"  was  the  answer. 
Just  at  that  instant,  in  the  shade  of  the  evening, 
two  nice  little  dandified  fellows  passed  Guy,  and 
commenced  humming  an  air  which  Master  Averall  did 
not  very  well  understand,  but  which  seemed  to  have 
the  words,  "cigars  "  and  "cogniac,"  mixed  together, 
pell  mell,  with  each  other,  and  which  he  afterwards 
understood  ran  in  the  following  way : 

When  we  march  into  a  country  town. 
Prudes  may  fly  from  us,  and  dames  may  frown, 
But  that's  absurd. 


Guy  Averall.  105 

When  we  march  away,  we  leave  beliind, 
Prudes  and  dames  who've  been  vastly  kind, 
Pray  take  my  word. 


Off,  off,  we  go  and  say  we're  on  duty. 
Smoke  our  cigars,  or  flirt  with  some  new  beauty, 
Vive,  vive  Tamour  !  cigars  and  cogniac  ! 
Hurrah  !  hurrah  boys  !  Vive  le  bivouac  ! 

As  they  passed  him,  Guy  touched  his  cap  to  the 
young  officers,  and  then  asked  his  friend  who  they 
were,  and  was  told  in  reply  that  they  were  neither 
more  than  less,  than  his  own  Lieutenants  ;  Messrs. 
Spruce  and  Taper,  now  out  on  an  evening  stroll. 
Guy  paid  them  the  compliment  of  being  very  hand- 
some fellows,  and  then  added  that  with  such  officers 
in  the  rear  of  his  company,  and  the  good  Captain 
Daisy  in  front,  he  felt  certain  the  honor  of  the  ser- 
vice would  be  upheld  on  each  and  every  occasion. 
But  hardly  were  these  words  out  of  his  mouth,  when 
two  more  officers  passed  him,  one  of  whom  he  no- 
ticed was  swearing  quite  violently  "  by  Jupiter,"  that 
they  might  all  talk  as  they  pleased,  but  he  understood 
more  about  military  law,  and  the  theory  and  practice 
of  general  court  martials  than  all  the  other  officers 
in  the  service  put  together,  Guy  looked  at  this  in- 
dividual very  attentively,  while  giving  him  the  cus- 
tomary salute,  and  then  asked  who  his  serene  high- 
ness might  be,  who  spoke  of  himself  in  such  mild  and 
modest  terms. 

"Why  is  it  possible,  sir,  that  you  don't  know!" 
was  the  response.  "  That,  sir,  is  the  greatest  genius 
in  the  whole  wide  world,  under  guise  of  a  Second 


io6  Guy  Averall. 

Lieutenant.      He  is  a  citizen  appointment  recentl;' 
made.     His  name  is  Blodgett." 

IV. 

Master  Averall  kept  cogitating  on  the  informa- 
tion thus  furnished,  for  some  time ;  and  to  say  the  truth 
it  rather  upset  some  of  the  notions  he  hitherto  had 
entertained  concerning  promotion  in  the  Army.  "I 
see  the  case  plainly,"  said  he,  "that  confounded 
scribbling  fellow  has  indeed  been  making  fun  of  me, 
when  he  mentioned  the  word  Brigadier  after  I  met 
him  in  Newark.  Still,  five  years  is  not  the  whole  of 
one's  lifetime;  and  provided  I  am  dissatisfied  with 
the  service,  it  is  easy  to  leave  it,  on  the  expiration  of 
my  enlistment.  Meanwhile,  it  will  cost  nothing  to 
behave  myself  properly ;  and  that  under  all  circum- 
stances I  am  resolved  to  do.  One  thing,  however,  I 
hardly  approve  of;  the  nonsensical  baggy  clothes 
which  they  issue  to  recruits  at  this  place ;  confound 
it,  was  the  author  and  finisher  of  the  habiliments  in 
which  I  am  at  present  encased,  in  dread  that  Guy 
Averall  should  feel  snobbish  In  the  suit .?  Just  look  at 
these  trowsers — they  have  seats  in  them  big  enough 
for  a  couple  of  men !  And  this  jacket  too — I  im- 
agine the  pattern  by  which  it  was  cut  must  have 
been  neither  more  nor  less  than  a  meal  sack  !  Well, 
well,  in  a  few  weeks,  at  the  very  farthest,  I'll  get  a 
brand  new  uniform  from  the  tailor,  and  never  mind, 
Private  Averall  of  the  gallant  Twenty-sixth,  will  yet 
be  as  handsomely  dressed  a  young  fellow,  as  ever 
found  place  in  the  Regiment."  And  following  out 
the  idea  thus  enunciated,  our  friend,  in  due  time,  ap- 
peared in  trim  uniform,  and  inwardly  vowed  that  for 


Guy  Aver  all.  107 

the  future  he  would  present  a  picture  of  neatness,  and 
good  order,  such  as  would  do  credit  to  that  particular 
organization  of  which  he  found  an  integral  part. 

But  while  improving  his  outward  appearance  in 
the  way  described,  Guy  Averall  did  not  neglect  his , 
manners,  by  any  means,  and  in  forming  these,  he 
found  very  material  assistance  by  observing  the  habits 
and  customs  of  the  better  instructed  portion  of  the 
community,  with  whom  his  lot  was  cast.  One  day  it 
was  rumored  that  some  of  the  officers  were  going 
over  to  New  York  City,  a  boat's  crew  was  in  requisi- 
tion, and  as  Guy  had  the  reputation  of  being  a  good, 
stout,  healthy  recruit,  he  was  ordered  out  for  that 
purpose.  Hogan  was  designated  as  coxswain,  and 
with  that  worthy  at  their  head,  the  party  sallied  out, 
got  the  port  barge  in  readiness,  and  drawing  it  along- 
side the  principal  wharf  they  quietly  waited  for  the 
passengers. 

They  were  not  long  in  coming — the  two  young 
graduates  singing  their  song  about  "  vive  1'  amour  '' 
and  "  cogniac,"  as  usual,  while  behind  them  appeared 
the  irrepressible  Blodgett,  running  at  full  speed.  As 
soon  as  the  latter  approached  the  boat,  it  became 
fBlnfuUy  evident  that  neither  his  linen  nor  his  coat 
was  of  the  neatest ;  but  who  in  the  world  pays  any 
attention  to  such  a  trifling  circumstance  as  a  clean 
shirt,  when  he  happens  to  encounter  a  man  of  genius.? 
As  Blodgett  approached,  both  Lieutenants  cast  a 
somewhat  reproachful  glance  at  their  irregular  look- 
ing associate ;  but  Blodgett,  scatterbrain  animal  that 
he  was,  did  not  apparently  pay  much  attention  to 
these  indications  of  dislike,  for  as  soon  as  he  got  on 
board  the  boat  he  began  to  talk 


io8  Guy  Averall. 

"  Gad,  Spruce — almost  too  late — just  in  time  how- 
ever. Have  been  very  busy  this  morning.  Studied 
a  little  tactics  at  first,  and  then  turned  my  thoughts  to 
electricity.  Have  just  been  inventing  the  greatest 
machine  that  ever  was  known ;  it  will  run  by  means 
of  a  galvanic  battery,  and  I  prophesy  that  before  five 
years  are  over,  it  will  revolutionize  the  whole  of 
Europe  and  America.  Worked  it  all  out  in  my  head 
last  night,  while  awake  in  bed,  and  reduced  it  to 
paper  in  an  hour  and  a  half  this  morning.  Will  show 
the  whole  thing  to  you,  as  soon  as  we  come  back 
from  the  city,  and  if  you  don't  acknowledge  it  is  the 
most  perfect  invention  of  the  kind,  I'll  give  you  my 
head  for  a  halfpenn}'."  The  other  officers  still 
glanced  at  Blodgett,  as  he  thrust  his  greasy  looking 
fingers,  through  his  fiery  wisps  of  hair,  and  inwardly 
wished  that  the  electrican  would  discard  inventions 
for  the  present,  and  pay  a  little  attention  to  the  rules 
of  ordinary  neatness.  But  who,  as  we  said  before,  can 
account  for  the  aberrations  of  genius  ? 

After  a  pull -of  some  fifteen  or  twenty  minutes, 
the  boat  reached  the  wharf,  when  the  officers  started 
up  town,  having  previously  given  orders  for  the  crew 
to  remain  at  the  landing,  and  Guy,  in  the  absenceWt 
anything  more  important,  purchased  a  newspaper,  sat 
down  on  the  steps,  at  whose  foot  the  barge  was 
moored,  and  began  to  read.  Meanwhile  the  bard 
Hogan,  having  stuck  his  cap  on  one  side  of  his  head, 
saw  proper  to  observe,  that  one  officer  might  speak 
of  "  cigars  "  and  "  cognaic  " ;  and  another  might  ex- 
patiate on  the  wonders  of  electricity  ;  but  for  his  part 
there  was  only  one  subject  which  troubled  him  at  that 
instant. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  109 

"What  is  that?"  said  Guy. 

"The  real  nature  of  beans."  And  hereupon  the 
clerk  burst  into  one  of  those  absurd  rhapsodies  in 
which  he  now  and  then  saw  fit  to  indulge,  mention- 
ing among  other  things,  that  both  Theophrastus  and 
Pliny  had  recommended  the  bean  very  highly  as  a 
proper  eatable,  that  Horace,  anticipating  no  doubt 
the  fare  of  the  United  States  soldier,  had  spoken  of 
beans  and  fat  pork  as  an  article  of  diet,  and  it  was 
undoubtedly  from  reading  the  line  faba  Fyt/iagorce 
cognata  and  so  forth,  that  the  Commissary  General  of 
Subsistence,  gave  three-quarters  of  a  pound  of  pork, 
and  two  and  a  half  ounces  of  beans,  more  or  less  per 
diem,  to  each  young  Artilleryman,  and  commanded 
him  to  eat  accordingly.  But  in  the  midst  of  this 
dessertation  Guy  Averall  glanced  toward  the  head  of 
the  wharf ;  and  there,  wonderful  to  relate,  he  espied 
the  image  of  his  own  Captain,  while  in  front  of  that 
officer  walked  the  self-same  lady  who  had  puzzled 
him  by  her  questions,  some  three  months  previous, 
when  at  work  in  the  corn  field  ;  armed,  as  usual,  with 
a  big  cotton  umbrella.  Guy  would  willingly  have  ex- 
tended kis  observation,  especially  as  the  lady  seemed 
to  be  engaged  in  earnest  conversation  with  the  gay 
and  festive  Taper,  who  accompained  her  down  the 
wharf,  and  who  bowed  and  smiled  at  every  word 
which  his  protectress  uttered.  But  on  a  sudden,  up 
came  Hogan,  who  in  a  very  unceremonious  manner 
took  hold  of  Guy's  unmentionables,  and  jerked  him 
into  the  boat,  with  an  expression  the  reverse  of  cere- 
monious. "  Get  out  of  the  way,  get  out  of  the  way 
confoimd  it,"  said  he,  *'  else  the  whole  crew  will  be 
exposed  to  the  glance  of  the  Brigadier  General." 


no  Guy  Aver  all. 

"  The  who  !  "  exclaimed  Guy,  somewhat  puzzled 
at  this  movement  on  the  part  of  the  bard. 

**  Why,  Mrs.  Daisy,"  Avas  the  answer,  "  confound 
it,  don't  you  see  her  coming  down  on  the  top  of  us.  I 
understand  her  like  a  book.  If  she  happens  to 
notice  a  single  soldier  loitering  about  the  wharf,  we  ail 
know  our  destiny.  She  will  order  us  away,  on  some 
fool  expedition  or  other,  and  we  possibly  won't  get 
back  to  our  quarters  till  nightfall." 

"  Is  that  really  her  custom?"  asked  Averall. 

"  Of  course  it  is,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "Get  out 
of  the  way  at  once,  else  she'll  be  down  on  us  in  five 
minutes." 

In  a  few  seconds  after  this,  the  sound  of  footsteps 
could  be  heard  overhead  ;  and  Mrs.  Daisy,  for  such 
she  really  was,  seemed  engaged  in  earnest  conversa- 
tion with  her  protege.  And  certainly  if  the  Brigadier 
was  patronizing  and  inquisitive  when  addressing  a 
*'  young  peasant "  at  Avork  in  the  fields  ;  she  surely 
was  not  a  whit  less  benignant  when  speaking  to  a 
subaltern  of  Artillery,  for  the  conversation  between 
Mrs.  Daisy  and  the  young  officer,  was  carried  on  in 
the  following  style. 

"  Oh  Mr.  Taper !  Mr.  Taper  !  you're  so  handsome 
this  morning !  How  delighted  I  am  to  see  you.  I 
just  brought  you  down  to  the  end  of  the  wharf,  so 
that  I  might  ask  a  few  questions.  I  always  take  a 
certain  interest  in  any  one  connected  with  the  Island. 
How  are  you  all  over  there.  Plow  is  that  dear  man 
the  Doctor.?  And  how  is  that  excellent  soldier,  the 
Ordnance  Sergeant,  and  how  are  his  two  children, 
Alice  and  Jane  }  How  is  the  cook  in  the  Hospital, 
and  how  is  the  sutler's  secretary,  and  how  is  every- 


Guy  Ave  rail.  1 1 1 

body  else  at  ihe  Fori  ?  All  well  you  say — my  dear 
Mr.  Taper  I'm  so  glad  to  hear  that.  I  never  interest 
myself  about  the  affairs  of  a  garrison — never,  never,  as 
you  well  know — all  I  do  is  to  simply  ask  for  the  few 
friends  I  have  in  the  army,  and  once  I  find  they  are 
well  I  remain  content.  As  to  the  management  of  the 
military  department,  I  leave  all  that  to  the  proper 
authorities,  to  the  officer  in  charge  of  the  guard ;  to 
the  surgeon  as  guardian  of  the  sick  ;  to  the  sutler  as 
vender  of  bread,  butter  and  cheese  ;  and  to  my  own 
husband,  as  commandant  of  the  station,  the  best  and 
dearest  man  that  ever  existed.     Is  not  that  so  Tom .?" 

"Don't  know,"  was  the  answer  on  the  part  of 
Captain  Daisy,  who  at  the  same  time  took  occasion 
to  rub  the  end  of  his  nose  with  one  hand,  as  if  he  had 
heard  that  particular  phrase  about  the  '  best  and 
dearest  man  '  so  very  often,  that  the  words  to  him 
had  really  lost  all  particular  significance. 

"  I  have  been  wandering  round  the  world  to  the 
sound  of  the  drum,"  continued  Mrs.  Daisy,  "for  the 
last  eighteen  years,  packing  up  my  knapsack  whenever 
I  was  told,  and  camping  wherever  the  law  would  al- 
low me,  and  during  all  that  time  I  have  never  had 
occasion  to  find  fault  with  my  own  good  husband — 
no  never,  never,  for  a  single  instance.  He  took  me 
very  young  and  very  early,  I  never  was  in  love  with 
any  one  but  him,  and  to  him  my  heart  has  since  been 
resigned  on  each  and  every  occasion.  But  where  are 
all  the  soldiers  by  the  way — the  poor  dear  children.  I 
just  came  here  to  hunt  them  up,  so  that  all  of  us 
might  have  a  little  excursion  among  the  vessels  of  the 
harbor.  Would  you  not  like,  Mr.  Taper,  to  proceed 
down  the  bay.  for  a  little  distance,  just  by  way  of  di- 


112  Guy  Averall. 

vertisement  ?  Do  you  know  I  have  the  greatest  curi- 
osity to  see  one  thing — an  oyster  boat.  I  wish  to  see 
how  people  on  oyster  boats  live,  and  ascertain  beside 
if  the  bivalves  in  their  original  state  are  the  same  sort 
of  animal  that  is  usually  set  before  one  in  the  city. 
Does  not  that  strike  you  as  a  proper  subject  for  en- 
quiry." 

"  Why  no,  I  don't  see  why  it  should  be  a  subject 
for  enquiry  at  all,"  said  Taper.  Indeed  I  never  heard 
that  the  point  was  doubted." 

"Well  then  we'll  say  the  point  is  not  doubted,  but 
even  granting  this  much,  I  am  nevertheless  resolved 
to  have  my  excursion.  I  hold  it  to  be  the  true  and 
undeniable  right  of  any  woman,  who  follows  her  hus- 
band in  the  Army  as  I  do,  to  insist  on  all  reasonable 
indulgences  in  a  general  way,  provided  of  course  they 
do  not  involve  too  much  expense  or  fatigue  to  those 
directly  interested." 

"I  declare,  I  never  thought  of  that,"  said  Taper. 
"I'll  go  with  you  madam,  after  oysters  or  anything 
else." 

"  I'm  so  glad  to  hear  you  express  your  willingness 
'to  do  so,"  responded  the  lady,  "for  do  you  know 
what,  I  have  been  arguing  the  same  point  into  my  own 
dear  Tom,  for  the  last  half  hour,  and  he  still  seems 
as  unwilling  to  subscribe  to  my  notions  as  ever." 

"  I'm  very  much  surprised  to  hear  that,"  said 
Taper,  who  spoke  at,  the  same  time  with  a  truly  en- 
gaging smile. 

"  My  good  Tom  is  a  very  excellent  man,"  continued 
the  lady,  "  and  I  love  and  obey  him  as  a  wife  and 
helpmate  ought  to  do,  still  there  are  some  theoretical 
subjects,  such  as  oysters,  on  which  we  occasionally 


Guy  Ave  rail.  u^ 

differ.  Still,  in  the  present  case  I  have  no  doubt  that 
Major  Daisy  will  accede  to  my  wishes.  If  we  only 
had  those  dear  children,  the  soldiers,  we  could  all 
start  off  at  once,  make  our  examination,  and  then  I 
could  return  in  a  seasonable  hour  to  the  city,  where  I 
am  engaged  at  present  in  the  study  of  general  science 
French,  literature  and  painting.  I  wonder,  by  the' 
way,  where  the  men  are— up  Washington  Street,  I 
suppose,  in  some  of  the  filthy  places  where  they  sell 
that  abominable  whiskey.  Do  you  know,  I  really 
never  understood  what  soldiers  did  with  their  money, 
till  one  evening,  a  few  weeks  ago,  my  principal  cook 
saw  proper  to  inform  me  that  after  pay  day,  they  fre- 
quently get  drunk,  and  then  the  poor  dear  children 
are  thrust  into  the  guard  house,  and  are  subsequently 
tried  by  genuine  court  martial," 

"  I'm  somewhat  surprised  you  did  not  know  that 
much  before,"  was  the  immediate  answer  on  the  part 
of  the  officer. 

"  How  could  I  though,"  was  the  reply.  "  You 
understand  I  never,  never  concern  myself  in  the  affairs 
of  a  garrison.  My  home  and  my  husband  are  the  only 
objects  that  possess  any  interest  to  me,  and  in  my 
opinion  that  is  all  any  woman,  with  a  well-regulated 
mind,  should  think  about.  I  was  brought  up  in  the 
lap  of  luxury,  as  everyone  knows,  but  when  I  met 
Tom  I  surrendered  it  all  for  his  sake." 

"  Only  what  we  should  expect  from  your  good- 
ness of  heart,"  was  the  reply  with  a  bow. 

*•  Oh  my  dear  Mr.  Taper,  my  dear  Mr.  Taper," 
said  the  lady,  "don't  talk  in  that  way,  or  you  really 
will  expose  to  a  cruel  world  my  dearest  and  best  af- 
fcctions.  In  some  respects  my  situation  when  young, 


LI 4"^  Guy  Averall. 

was  very  unfortunate,  for  I  was  never  denied  anything 
that  I  desired  or  wanted.  I  could  go  to  the  largest 
and  best  furnished  store  on  Broadway,  ordered  what- 
ever I  wished  for,  and  all  I  know,  in  addition,  was 
simply  this — the  bills  were  sent  to  our  home  on 
Twenty-Fifth  Avenue,  and  poor  dear  papa  would  in- 
stantly settle  them  all.  I  don't  have  many  luxuries 
in  the  Army  just  now,  for  Tom  and  I  are  too  poor  for 
that,  still  I  glory  in  the  uniform  that  my  husband 
wears,  and  would  follow  him  from  one  end  of  the 
world  to  the  other." 

"  Oh  mother  of  Moses,"  said  Hogan  at  that  in- 
stant, sotto  voce,  "  if  ever  there  was  a  persecuted 
mortal  in  this  world,  the  same  good  natured  Tom  is 
the  individual.  Well,  well,  this  will  all  do  as  part  of 
my  essay  on  beans.  But  thunder  and  turf  here  she 
comes.      She  will  soon  find  us  out  under  the  wharf." 

"  Where  are  the  children,  where  are  the  children" 
continued  Mrs.  Daisy.  "  I  declare  I  must  look  for 
them  down  here  below."  And  in  a  few  seconds,  the 
somewhat  stout  looking  pedestal  of  the  Brigadier,  was 
seen  descending  the  steps  toward  the  place  where  the 
boat  lay  concealed,  and  shortly  afterwards  the  lady's 
own  melodious  voice  was  heard,  giving  the  customary 
salute.  "  Oh  Hogan,  Hogan,  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you. 
And  how  are  the  rest  of  the  children,  and  how  is  the 
cook  at  the  Hospital,  and  how  is  the  sutler's  secre- 
tary, and  how  are  you  all  on  the  Island.  All  well ! 
glad  to  hear  that!"  Then  the  crew  were  ordered  to 
bring  out  the  barge,  the  party  got  into  it,  and  direc- 
tions were  next  given  to  let  the  oars  fall.  In  due  time 
they  reached  the  object  of  the  Brigadier's  solicitude, 
an  old  schooner  lying  up  the  East  River,  when  Mrs. 


Guy  Aver  all.  115 

Daisy  went  on  board,  and  after  worrying  the  life  out 
of  the  commander  of  the  craft,  in  regard  to  the  real 
nature  of  acephals,  she  finally  bade  him  adieu.  Then 
other  Captains  and  other  oyster  boats  had  to  be 
visited,  Mrs.  Daisy  climbing  over  the  bulwarks  in  a 
very  suitable  manner,  and  questioning  and  examining 
as  before.  Meanwhile,  the  men  began  to  feel  the 
pangs  of  hunger,  but  still  the  gallant  Brigadier  con- 
tinued her  persecutions,  for  several  ships  in  the  harbor 
had  to  be  next  seen.  That  brig  from  Genoa  must  be 
boarded  ;  that  barge  from  Monte  Video,  with  the 
beautiful  ensign  must  be  approached  ;  finally  an  in- 
spection must  be  made  of  that  old  schooner,  from  Key 
West,  which  had  a  load  of  sponges  on  board.  In  the 
end,  however,  the  lady  was  forced  to  give  up  her  ex- 
amination ;  and  then  with  strong  arms  but  empty 
stomachs,  the  crew  pulled  back  to  the  Island. 

V. 

In  a  week  or  two  after  this  adventure,  the  recruit- 
ing rendezvous  at  Newark  was  broken  up  ;  and  Cap- 
tain Le  Froy  having  been  ordered  to  take  charge  of 
the  Light  Battery  belonging  to  the  Regiment  at 
another  station  ;  his  successor,  the  good  and  amiable 
Major  Daisy,  assumed  command  of  the  military  es- 
tablishment at  Fort  Columbus.  His  wife,  of  course, 
accompanied  him,  and  as  soon  as  she  arrived  on  the 
Island,  her  presence  was  instantly  felt ;  for  a  number 
of  men  from  each  of  the  companies,  then  in  garrison, 
were  sent  to  the  quarters  of  the  commanding  officer, 
so  as  to  assist  in  cleaning  rooms,  Avhitewashing  entries, 
putting  down  carpets,  and  other  work  of  a  similar 
nature.     In  all  these  operations,  it  may  be  noted,  our 


Ii6  Guy  Ave7-all. 

friend  Averall  bore  an  honorable  part ;  and  acquitted 
himself  in  this  work  with  more  than  ordinary  ability. 
As  to  Mrs.  Daisy,  just  then,  she  was  as  gracious  as 
any  person  in  the  Army  could  possibly  be ;  indeed  on 
one  occasion,  she  was  pleased  to  recognize  the  hero 
of  this  narrative  as  the  "agriculturalist"  she  once 
saw  on  the  farm  in  New  Jersey ;  and  then  after  styling 
our  friend  a  "  fine  young  recruit "  she  hoped  he  long 
would  remain  in  that  regiment  with  which  she  and 
her  husband  were  so  closely  connected. 

Being  now  a  member  of  a  regular  command,  Guy 
Averall  had  an  excellent  opportunity  of  observing  the 
usual  routine  of  garrison  life.  In  reorganizing, 
Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper  still  remained  as  Lieu- 
tenants with  Company  "  E " ;  that  model  soldier, 
Ernest  Heidenrick,  held  his  position  as  First  Ser- 
geant ;  Sullivan  was  made  full  Corporal,  the  phrenolo- 
gist Peterson  was  detailed  as  Hospital  Steward ;  such 
other  non-commissioned  officers,  as  were  then  ap- 
pointed were  selected  from  the  old  soldiers  belonging 
to  the  organization.  At  the  same  time,  the  former 
list  of  calls  was  continued  in  the  Garrison ;  which  as 
near  as  can  be  recollected  ran  in  the  following  way  : 

Reveille,         ......  Day  Break, 

Fatigue,    .         .         .  Immediately  after  Reveille. 

Breakfast 6:45  A.M. 

Surgeon's  Call,            ....  7:00  A.M. 

First  Call  for  Guard  Mount,           .         .  8:15  A.M. 

Guard  Mount 8:30  a.m. 

Drill 9:30  A.M. 

Recall  from  Drill lliooA.M. 

Dinner  and  1st  Sergeant's  Call,      .         ,  i2:oo  M. 

Fatigue i:oo'p.m. 

Recall  from  Fatigue,      ....  4:00  p.m. 

Drill  for  Recruits  and  Awkward  Soldiers,  Same  Hour. 

Recall  from  Drill,           ....  5:00  P.M. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  117 

Parade,  1st  Call,  .        30  minutes  before  Sundown. 

Retreat,  .....  At  Sundown. 

Tattoo 9:00  P.M. 

Taps, 9:15  P.M. 

This  list  of  signals  explains  itself  sufficiently ;  and 
will  enable  any  one  who  is  versed  in  military  matters 
to  understand  how  the  day  at  Fort  Columbus  was 
passed.  To  those  who  are  novices  in  such  affairs  we 
might  explain  that  in  a  regular  garrison  the  most  in- 
significant transaction  seems  sufficient  to  evoke  some- 
thing of  that  pomp,  pride  and  circumstance  on  which 
the  soldier  doats ;  and  hence  the  bugle,  or  drum  and 
fife  are  in  constant  requisition.  The  reveille  obliges 
the  men  to  get  up,  the  tattoo  to  lie  down  ;  the  fatigue 
call  to  go  out  to  work ;  the  doctor's  call  to  report 
to  the  Post  Surgeon.  Then  there  are  calls  for  going 
to  meals  ;  calls  for  coming  away  from  meals  ;  calls 
for  going  to  church,  calls  for  returning  from  church, 
and  numberless  other  calls  beside  ;  but  to  extend  the 
list  any  further  would  simply  be  worse  than  useless. 
As  an  excuse  for  these,  however,  as  well  as  for  that 
severe  and  somewhat  ceremonious  discipline  which 
obtains  in  the  Army,  let  us  quote  the  words  of  the 
great  Shakspeare  : 

Degree  being  vizarded. 
The  unworthiest  shows  as  fairly  in  the  mask, 
The  heavens  themselves  ;  the  planets  and  this  centre. 
Observe  degree,  priority,  and  place, 
Insisture,  course,  proportion,  season,  form. 
Office  and  custom,  in  all  line  of  order  ; 
And  therefore  is  the  glorious  planet,  Sol, 
In  noble  eminence  enthroned  and  sphered 
Among  the  others  ;  whose  med'cinable  eye 
Corrects  the  ill  aspects  of  planets  evil. 
And  posts,  like  the  commandments  of  a  king. 
Sans  check,  to  good  and  bad. 


1 1  o  Gi/y  Aver  all. 

But  enough  on  this  subject — let  us  here  end  the 
quotation  and  say  that  on  Governor's  Island,  just  as 
in  Newark,  the  good  and  amiable  Heidenrick  pre- 
served his  urbane  manners  on  every  possible  occasion. 
One  morning  Guy  Averall  made  arrangements  with 
his  chum  Moldwell,  for  a  day's  absence,  so  as  to  visit 
New  York  city.  A  pass  was  accordingly  written  and 
presented  to  Captain  Daisy,  by  the  ist  Sergeant  of 
the  Company,  when  the  latter  carried  in  what  is  tech- 
nically known  as  the  "morning  report."  As  the  Cap- 
tain seldom  refused  an  indulgence  of  the  kind,  unless 
indeed  he,  or  Mrs.  Daisy,  required  the  performance 
of  some  job  of  work  around  his  own  quarters,  the 
permission  was  accordingly  signed,  and  in  due  time 
was  handed  to  the  applicants.  Guy  and  his  friend 
now  began  to  felicitate  themselves  on  a  day's  enjoy- 
men';  in  the  city ;  but  just  as  they  were  ready  to  start, 
Sergeant  Heidenrick  came  into  the  room,  in  a  great 
hurry,  and  said  "your  bass  is  revoked — yoifr  bass  is 
revoked — I  vants  you  fellers  to  get  ready  for  inspec- 
tion. Dere  is  a  Sheneral  here  from  Ni  York  to-day,  to 
inspect  the  command — all  the  basses  are  revoked,  and 
no  one  is  to  leave  the  Island  till  it  all  is  over.  Hurry 
up,  hurry  up,  donner  und  blitzen  as  quick  as  you 
can,  and  get  everything  in  order."  The  usual  com- 
motion that  exists  under  such  an  announcement  now 
began  ;  the  cook  commenced  putting  things  to  rights 
in  the  kitchen ;  the  non-commissioned  officers,  in 
charge  of  squads,  gave  directions  as  to  the  cleaning 
of  their  respective  rooms ;  here  one  private  Avas 
sweeping  a  pile  of  dust  into  a  hall ;  there  another 
was  pushing  a  torrent  of  black  dirty  water  down  a 
stairway,  by  means  of  a  broom  ;  yonder,  a  dormitory. 


Cw/V  Ave  rail. 


19 


having  undergone  its  purgation,  the  occupants  were 
walking  around  in  bare  feet,  some  engaged  in  whiten- 
ing a  set  of  belts,  others  in  rubbing  a  musket  with 
buffstick  and  emery,  while  probably  the  Corporal  in 
charge  amused  himself  by  shouting  every  now  and 
then  to  some  unlucky  wight  that  happened  to  approach 
the  sacred  precincts,  in  dirty  boots.  "  Oh  blast  yir 
soul,  take  those  things  off  your  trotters,  don't  ye 
see  the  place  is  clain."  Meanwhile  Sergeant  Heiden- 
rick,  as  if  fully  conscious  of  his  burdens,  was  all 
anxiety  that  Company  "  E  "  should  present  as  neat 
an  appearance  as  possible.  He  accordingly  went 
round  in  every  direction,  giving  orders  as  to  the 
police  of  the  place,  here  he  detects  a  pair  of  old 
shoes  in  their  hiding  place  ;  yonder  a  pair  of  socks 
is  discovered  secreted  in  a  bunk  ;  anon  a  couple  of 
blankets  are  noticed  as  improperly  folded,  and  so  on 
to  the  end  of  the  chapter.  Next  the  Sergeant  has  a 
word  or  two  with  Hogan,  as  to  having  the  Company 
records  all  ready ;  afterwards  the  cook  in  the 
kitchen  is  reminded  that  a  certain  set  of  knives  and 
forks,  purchased  from  the  savings  o'f  the  Company 
some  six  months  previous,  and  which  are  usually  kept 
at  the  bottom  of  the  mess  chest,  wrapped  up  in  an 
old  shirt,  should  now  be  laid  on  the  table,  as  if  for 
every  day  use.  At  length  everything  is  completed ; 
the  squad  rooms,  office,  and  dining  hall  look  suffi- 
ciently fine  ;  Sergeant  Heidenrick's  mind  is  at  rest, 
so  he  dons  his  parade  uniform  and  belts,  puts  on  a 
pair  of  white  gloves,  takes  his  musket  in  hand,  in  a 
few  minutes  after  this  the  '*  assembly  "  is  beaten,  and 
the  order  is  given  to  "  fall  in." 

Well,  as  we  have  advanced  thus  far,  and  as  these 


.720  Guy  Averall. 

minute  details  of  garrison  life  may  possibly  interest 
some  who  are  not  soldiers,  we  may  as  well  complete 
our  description  of  this  ceremony.  The  words  "  fall 
in,"  having  been  enunciated,  the  men  belonging  to 
Company  "  E  "  now  form  in  line,  in  front  of  their 
quarters,  and  are  arranged  according  to  size,  so  that 
the  tallest  man  and  tallest  Corporal  should  be  on  the 
right  ;  and  the  smallest  man,  and  smallest  Corporal 
on  the  left.  The  command  "  in  two  ranks  form  com- 
pany "  is  next  given,  which  is  executed  by  each  per- 
son in  succession  taking  alternately  the  place  of  a 
front  and  a  rear  rank  man.  Next  the  roll  is  called* 
when  each  soldier  answers  his  name,  and  brings  his 
piece  to  an  "  order  ";  after  all  this  is  over  we  have  a 
"  rest,"  and  an  "  attention  " — the  last  command  being 
given  on  the  approach  of  the  good  Captain  Daisy, 
going  out  to  the  parade  ground,  who  strange  to  say,  is 
armed  cap-a-pie,  as  a  soldier  should  be,  with  both  of 
his  epaulets  actually  on.  Soon  the  band  is  heard, 
and  Mr.  Spruce,  as  superior  to  Taper  in  point  of 
rank,takes  charge  of  the  Company,  the  word  "shoulder 
arms  "  is  given,  the  Company  is  marched  out,  takes 
its  place  in  line,  is  "  dressed  "  by  its  commander,  and 
brought  to  a  "  support  arms,"  the  irrepressible  Blod- 
gett  as  Adjutant  takes  his  place  on  the  right  of  the 
battalion,  and  after  waiting  there  for  some  little  time 
the  work  of  inspection  now  begins. 

The  first  feature  in  this  part  of  the  programme  is 
the  approach  of  the  inspecting  officer,  and  without 
disparagement  to  present  inspectors  let  us  say,  that  a 
finer,  or  more  noble-looking,  fat,  plethoric  old  fellow 
than  the  one  in  sight,  probably  never  stood  in  front 
of  a  Regiment.      Then  Captain  Daisy  as  post  com- 


Guy  Aver  all.  12I 

mander  draws  near ;  the  Adjutant  brings  the  bat- 
talion to  a  "present,"  and  reports  it  formed,  after- 
wards he  takes  his  place  in  line,  Captain  Daisy  draws 
his  sword  and  exclaims  "  prepare  for  review — to  the 
rear  open  order— march."  The  ranks  are  then 
opened,  another  "  present  "  takes  place,  followed  by 
a  "carry  arms,"  and  the  inspecting  general,  in  com- 
pany with  the  commanding  ofificer  approaches  the 
right  of  the  line.  Then  the  band  strikes  up  some 
martial  tune,  such  as  "  See  the  conquering  hero 
comes,"  as  if  to  signalize  the  achievements  of  the 
warlike  personages  then  present.  This  part  of  the 
ceremony  being  accomplished,  we  have  the  words 
"  close-order  march  ;  companies  right  wheel,  march." 
Then  the  column,  in  due  form,  steps  off ;  and  the  re- 
quirements of  Scott  on  the  subject  of  reviews  are  im- 
plicitly followed.  Next  the  column  trots  around, 
once  more,  in  double  time,  fat  officers  puffing,  lame 
officers  halting,  and  young  and  gallant  officers  shining 
in  all  their  glory.  After  all,  the  companies  are 
wheeled  into  line,  then  comes  another  "  present," 
then  a  "  carry,"  then  a  "  wheel,"  v/ith  other  directions 
too  numerous  to  mention.  Finally  the  real  work  of 
inspection  begins.  The  "  Ni  York  General  "  conies  to 
the  first  company,  looks  at  its  arms  and  equipments, 
afterwards  arms  are  stacked,  knapsacks  are  unslung, 
and  examined,  and  after  being  again  repacked,  the 
arms  are  once  more  taken,  and  the  company  is 
marched  back  to  its  quarters.  Here  another  exami- 
nation takes  place,  when  bunks,  bedding,  cooking 
utensils  and  company  records  all  undergo  a  scrutiny. 
The  inspecting  officer  may  then  offer,  if  he  sees  fit,  a 
word  of  comment  on  the  appearance  of  the  garrison, 


122  Guy  Aver  all. 

but  if  the  contray  should  be  the  case,  the  circumstance 
is.  not  noticed.  In  the  present  instance  Captain  Daisy 
being  somewhat  of  a  personal  favorite  with  his  su- 
perior, was  fortunate  enough  to  receive  a  very  gen- 
erous approval ;  for  the  inspecting  officer  pronounced 
Company  "  E,"  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  to  be  in 
excellent  order;  its  arms  well  kept;  its  clothing 
clean  ;  its  instruction  exact ;  its  discipline  good  ;  and 
its  Captain,  as  a  matter  of  inference,  one  of  the  most 
energetic  and  discerning  ofificers  in  the  service.  This 
complimentary  description  puts  every  one  in  good 
humor,  the  "  Ni  York  General  "  marches  off,  telling 
long  stories  about  the  fields  and  fights  in  which  he 
participated  during  the  war  of  1812,  while  Guy 
Averall  obtains  his  pass,  and  is  allowed  to  visit  the 
city  on  the  following  day. 


FURTHER  PROGRESS. 

I. 

Meanwhile  that  educational  training,  on  which 
our  young  friend  was  bent,  and  which  he  had  fully  re- 
solved to  accomplish,  was  not  by  any  means  neg- 
lected. As  to  history,  the  subject  of  course  was 
exhausted  in  the  person  of  Napoleon  ;  and  as  to  politi- 
cal knowledge,  Guy  Averall,  after  reading  the  New 
York  Herald,  could  really  contain  no  more.  Hence 
it  became  necessary  to  seek  out  some  new  field  of 
investigation.  At  this  crisis  polite  literature  naturally 
suggested  itself,  and  Averall  finally  determined  to  at- 
tack the  novel.  Now  novels  may  be  regarded  by 
many  as  very  trifling  affairs ;  books  to  be  read  one 
day  and  consigned  to  their  resting  place  the  next ; 
still,  in  the  present  instance  our  hero  contrived  to 
unite  the  useful  and  agreeable  in  a  manner  which 
did  liim  infinite  credit.  His  first  purchase  in  imagi- 
native literature  was  a  book  well  calculated  to  ad- 
vance his  knowledge  in  that  noble  profession  which 
he  had  selected  for  his  career  ;  for  the  volume  was 
one  which  had  long  been  a  favorite  with  both 
civilians  and  military  men,  and  was  neither  more  nor 
less  than  "  Charles  O'Malley,"  the  '  Irish  Dragoon.' 
The  hero  of  this  book,  it  is  hardly  necessary  to  say, 
is  a  most  wonderful  fellow,  he  is  a  gentleman,  born  in 
the  West  of  Ireland,  where  his  father  is  the  owner  of 
a  landed  estate,  he  joins  a  regiment  of  English  Cav- 
123 


124  Gt^y  AvcralL 

airy,  goes  out  to  the  Peninsula,  fights  and  is  wounded 
under  the  Duke  of  Wellington,  encounters  the  great 
Napoleon  the  night  before  the  battle  of  Waterloo,  and 
finally  comes  home  to  the  land  of  his  birth,  where^  he 
is  duly  married  to  Miss  Lucy  Dashwood.  The  plot 
is  not  very  regular,  and  some  of  Charley's  adventures 
are  rather  improbable,  it  is  true  ;  but  what  of  that — 
in  company  with  such  personages  as  W^ebber,  or 
Major  Monsoon,  or  the  renowned  Mickey  Free,  can 
any  young  reader  presume  to  be  hypercritical  ?  Guy 
Averall  certainly  was  not,  this  composition  of  Doctor 
Lever's  he  simply  considered  the  greatest  effort  of 
genius  that  mankind  probably  ever  saw,  and  only 
wondered  why  the  united  voice  of  mankind,  did  not 
assign  to  that  volume  the  very  highest  place  in  the 
world's  literature. 

The  next  novel  that  our  friend  read,  was  also  by 
the  author  of  "  O'Malley  ";  and  the  book  beside  has 
this  attraction  that  the  principal  character  in  it  was  a 
hero  after  Guy  Averall's  own  heart,  while  his  adven- 
tures and  encounters  were  not  dissimiliar  to  his  own. 
Con  Cregan  is  a  sort  of  Scapin  or  Gil  Bias,  and  is  in- 
vested with  that  interest  which  belongs  to  all  persons 
who  rise  in  the  world  through  sheer  pluck  and  perse- 
verance. His  origin  is  very  humble,  for  his  father  is 
nothing  but  the  inhabitant  of  a  little  cabin  on  the 
border  of  Meath  and  Kings  County  ;  yet  in  spite  of 
this,  the  subject  of  the  story  rises  to  great  eminence; 
he  flirts  with  Spanish  beauties,  becomes  an  officer  in 
Africa  hobnobs  with  ambassadors,  and  on  one  occa- 
sion is  honored  so  far  that  the  Princess  de  Verneuil, 
daughter  of  Louis  Phillippe,  actually  "  pours  out  tea,*' 
for  him  in  the  Tuileries  itself.      As  to  that  **  pouring 


Guy  Ave  rail.  125 

out  tea,"  it  is  a  stroke  of  genius,  only  to  be  expected 
from  an  Irishman,  like  Doctor  Lever ;  meanwhile  let 
us  assure  our  readers,  that  the  history  of  Mr.  Cregan 
is  not  by  any  means  destitute  of  a  certain  touch  of 
humor,  now  and  then,  and  as  to  the  pathos  of  the 
work,  let  the  following  passage  speak  for  itself.  The 
father  of  the  hero,  it  must  be  premised,  was  the 
owner  of  a  small  estate  on  the  border  of  two  counties, 
which  circumstance  enables  him  to  vote  in  both  lo- 
calities, without  paying  taxes  in  either.  The  way 
Mr.  Cregan  gets  possession  of  the  land  is  character- 
istic. 

"  The  farm,"  says  the  author,  speaking  of  the 
place  where  Con  was  born,  "  belonged  originally  to 
an  old  farmer  called  Harry  M'Cabe,  that  had  two 
sons,  who  were  always  fighting  with  each  other,  as  to 
who  was  to  have  the  old  man's  money.  Finally,  the 
younger  one,  Mat,  grew  tired  of  the  struggle,  and  in 
a  fit  of  disgust  started  off  for  Dublin  and  enlisted. 
Three  weeks  after  he  sailed  for  India,  when  the  old 
man,  overwhelmed  by  grief,  took  to  his  bed,  and  never 
arose  from  it  again. 

"  One  evening  after  midnight  a  knock  came  to  the 
door  of  the  cabin  occupied  by  Mr.  Cregan.  *  Con 
Cregan,  Con,  I  say,  open  the  door,  were  the  words 
heard  outside  from  the  mouth  of  the  elder  brother. 

*  Oh,  Mr.  Peter,  what's  the  matter  ?  Is  the  old 
man  worse  ?'  said  the  senior. 

*  Faix  that's  what  he  is,  for  he's  dead  !' 

'  Glory  be  to  his  bed,  when  did  it  happen  V 

*  About  an  hour  ago,'  said  Peter  in  a  voice 
greatly  agitated,  '  he  died  like  an  old  haythen,  and 
never  made  a  will.' 


126  Guy  Aver  all. 

'  That's  bad,'  said  Mr.  Cregan,  who  being  a  very 
polite  man,  never  said  anything  that  could  possibly 
offend  the  present  company. 

*  It  is  bad,'  said  Peter,  '  but  it  would  be  worse  if 
we  couldn't  help  it.  Listen  to  me.  Con  ;  I  want  you 
to  assist  me  in  this  business,  and  here  is  five  guineas 
in  gold  for  you  if  you  do  as  you  are  bid.  You  know 
you  were  always  reckoned  the  image  of  my  father ; 
and  before  he  took  ill,  you  were  mistaken  for  him 
every  day.' 

'  Anan,'  said  Mr.  Cregan,  now  getting  somewhat 
frightened. 

'  Well,  what  I  want  you  to  do  is  for  to  come  over 
to  the  house  and  get  into  bed.' 

'  Not  beside  the  corpse '  said  Mr.  Cregan  tremb- 
ling ? 

*  By  no  means,  but  by  yourself,  and  you're  to  pre- 
tend to  be  my  father,  and  that  you  want  to  make  your 
will  before  you  die,  and  then  I'll  send  for  the  neigh- 
bors and  Billy  Scanlin  the  schoolmaster,  and  you'll 
tell  him  what  to  write,  leaving  all  the  farm  and  every 
thing  to  me,  you  understand.  And  as  the  neighbors 
will  see  ye,  and  hear  your  voice  it  will  never  be  be- 
lieved but  it  will  be  himself  that  did  it.' 

"The  plan  succeeded  admirably.  Mr.  Cregan, 
senior,  got  into  the  bed  in  due  time,  the  neighbors 
and  Billy  Scanlin,  the  schoolmaster,  were  sent  for, 
and  the  old  gentleman  commenced  making  his  will, 
the  room  in  which  the  occurrence  took*  place  being 
as  much  darkened  as  possible.  '  I  bequeath  to  my 
son  Peter,'  said  he,  *  the  whole  of  my  two  farms  of 
Killmadooney  and  Knocksheboora,  with  the  fallow 
meadows  behind  Lynches'  house,  the  forge  and  the 


Guy  Aver  all.  127 

right  of  turf  on  the  Uooran  bog.  I  give  him,  and 
much  good  may  it  do  him,  Launty  Casson's  acre,  and 
the  Laury  field,  and  the  limekiln,  and  that  reminds 
me  that  my  mouth  is  somewhat  dry,  so  let  us  have  a 
taste  of  the  jug.' 

*  Here  the  jug  was  handed  to  Mr.  Cregan,  and 
after  he  had  wet  his  lips,  the  poor  fellow  continued, 

*  I  leave  him — that  is  Peter,  I  mean — the  two 
potato  gardens  at  Noolan's  well,  and  it  is  a  fine 
elegant  crop  grows  there.  And  hold  on,  are  the 
neighbors  listening,  is  Peter  Scantlan  listening  ? 

'  Yes,  sir  ;  yes,  father,  we're  all  listening  ;  chorused 
the  audience. 

'  Well  then,  it  is  my  last  will  and  testament  and 
may — give  me  the  jug — there  is  poor  Con  Cregan,  as 
honest  and  as  hard  a  working  man  as  ever  lived,  who 
has  a  heavy  family  on  his  hands.  To  him  I  bequeath 
the  little  plot,  near  the  cross  roads,  on  which  his  cot- 
tage stands,  and  to  his  heirs  in  secula  seculorum.  Ah  ! 
blessed  be  the  saints  after  that,  it  makes  one's  heart 
light  after  he  has  done  a  good  deed,  and  now  I'll 
drink  all  the  companies  good  health  and  many  happy 
returns " 

"  What  Mr.  Cregan  was  going  to  add  it  is  impossi- 
ble to  say,  but  at  this  point  the  son  Peter,  who  was 
now  terribly  frightened  at  the  lively  tones  the  sick 
man  began  to  assume,  hustled  all  the  people  to 
another  part  of  the  house  so  that  his  father  might  die 
in  peace. 

When  all  had  left,  Peter  slipped  back  to  Cregan, 
senior,  who  at  that  instant  was  putting  on  his  brogues. 

*  Con,'  said  he,  '  ye  did  it  all  well,  but  shure  that 

was  a  joke  about  the  two  acres  and  a  half  at  the  cross.' 
9 


128  Guy  Aver  all, 

*  Of  course  it  was,  Peter, '  said  he,  *  shure  it  was 
all  a  joke  for  the  matter  of  that — won't  I  make  the 
neighbors  laugh  heartily  when  I  tell  them  all  about  it.' 

*  Shure  you  would  not  be  mean  enough  to  betray 
nic  ?'  said  Peter,  trembling  with  fright. 

'  Shure  you  would  not  be  main  enough  to  go  against 
yir  father's  dying  words  '  And  hef e  a  sly  laugh  suc- 
ceeded that  was  perfectly  intelligible. 

'  Very  well,  Con,'  said  Peter,  '  a  bargain  is  a  bar- 
gain. You  are  a  deep  fellow  that  is  all'  And  so  the 
matter  ended  while  Mr.  Cregan  became  possessed  of 
the  property." 

***** 

Such  was  the  story  as  told  by  the  novelist,  and 
which  Guy  Averall,  all  devouring  reader  as  he  then 
was,  swallowed  Avith  much  satisfaction.  Some  persons 
may  possibly  object  that  if  our  friend  were  a  real 
hero,  as  he  pretends  to  be,  his  reading  matter  ought 
to  have  been  more  choice  at  this  epoch,  that  young 
men  of  his  age  are  expected  to  know  something  of 
the  longs  and  the  shorts  in  trimeter  catalectic  verse, 
and  as  to  that  particle  av  it  should  not  have  been  so 
much  neglected.  Perhaps  not,  for  the  said  particle 
is  a  very  important  syllable  in  its  way,  still  are  there 
not  enough  young  men  in  the  world  who  make  them- 
selves familiar  with  its  use,  year  after  year,  without 
dragging  the  principal  personage  of  our  story  into 
the  category  ? 

II. 

But  reading  Con  Cregan  was  not  the  only  enor- 
mity which  Guy  Averall  committed  at  this  time — 
still  worse  than  that,  he  was  guilty  of  violating  the 
police  regulations  of  Fort  Columbus,  and  as  a  conse- 


Guy  Aver  all.  129 

quence  was  committed  in  due  form  to  durance  vile. 
And  thereby  hangs  a  tale.  In  the  first  place  it  may- 
be stated  our  hero  again  fell  in  love.  It  was  not  a 
very  deep  fall,  still  it  was  a  fall  for  all  that — the  object 
of  his  affections  being  neither  more  nor  less  than  a 
certain  Miss  Kitty  Traynor,  niece  of  one  of  the  mu- 
sicians who  made  her  home  with  her  uncle  and  aunt 
in  that  series  of  decayed,  one-story  houses,  appro- 
priated to  the  use  of  enlisted  men,  and  which  is 
known  as  Rotten  Row  by  the  various  residents  of  the 
Island.  As  to  Miss  Kitty,  she  was  acknowledged  to 
be  the  prettiest  girl  in  the  garrison  ;  she  had  black 
laughing  eyes,  and  sweet  cherry  lips,  and  teeth  that 
looked  like  so  many  pearls,  with  a  figure  as  lithe  and 
graceful  as  Hebe  herself.  Indeed,  the  only  fault  that 
could  possibly  be  found  with  Miss  Kitty  was  possibly 
this,  that  like  a  good  many  other  persons  belonging 
to  her  sex,  the  young  lady  was  something  of  a 
coquette.  Guy  fell  the  victim  of  her  sly  glances  the 
very  first  time  he  met  her,  and  forthwith  began  play- 
ing the  dearly  devoted  to  this  belle  of  Fort  Columbus ; 
but  before  many  evenings  he  made  the  awkward  dis- 
covery that  he  had  a  rival  in  the  person  of  a  certain 
Private  Lawless,  a  member  of  Company  "  E,"  who 
was  then  acknowledged  to  be  the  most  handsome  man 
of  his  rank,  on  the  whole  Island.  The  history  of 
Lawless,  at  that  time,  was  sufficiently  well  known. 
Like  Averall  himself  he  was  a  native  of  Ireland,  had 
enlisted  in  the  English  Cavalry,  remained  a  while 
there,  deserted  thence,  and  was  now  a  member  of  the 
same  Company  in  which  Guy  was  serving.  The  lat- 
ter considered  him  a  man  of  exceedingly  irregular 
habits,  and  somewhat  unprincipled  withal,  but  what 


130  Guy  Aver  all. 

of  that — the  fellow  was  good-looking  ;  while  the  smil- 
ing face  and  black  silken  locks  which  he  habitually 
wore,  seemed  to  produce  an  effect  on  Miss  Kitty  that 
could  not  be  resisted.  Still  the  young  lady  did  not 
discard  Guy  entirely,  spite  of  that ;  indeed,  she  gave 
him  a  little  encouragement  now  and  then,  as  if  to 
sustain  his  hopes,  and  on  the  whole  held  the  balance 
of  power  pretty  evenly  between  the  two  rivals.  But 
at  this  particular  juncture  an  untoward  event  took 
place  as  far  as  Guy's  hopes  were  concerned,  for  his 
opponent  was  made  a  Corporal.  The  fact  of  the 
matter  was  that  both  the  subalterns,  while  on  drill, 
had  frequently  noticed  the  erect,  soldier-like  bearing 
of  Lawless,  and  his  "  about  face  "  and  "  carry  arms  " 
were  so  much  superior  to  these  evolutions  when  exe- 
cuted by  other  recruits,  that  they  instantly  determined 
to  advance  him.  So  away  they  both  posted  to  the 
good  Captain  Daisy,  and  opened  their  case ;  and 
Captain  Daisy,  as  in  honor  bound,  was  graciously 
pleased  to  receive  their  suggestion.  "Well,"  said 
that  functionary,  speaking  as  usual  through  his  nose, 
"  if  Lawless  is  a  goot  ban,  and  you  really  think  he 
will  discharge  the  duties  required,'  I'll  bake  him 
Corporal." 

"  He  is  one  of  the  most  intelligent  and  capable 
soldiers,  I  ever  saw,"  said  Taper,  who  acted  as  prin- 
cipal spokesman  on  the  occasion. 

"  Very  well,  I'll  bake  him  Corporal.  Mrs.  Daisy 
what  do  you  say  to  that.?  Don't  you  think  it  would 
be  a  goot  idea  to  bake  Lawless  a  Corporal .?" 

"  I'he  dear,  sweet  child  !"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Daisy. 
"I'm  very  glad  indeed  to  hear  you  suggest  it.  Why 
Lawless  is  the  most   polite  soldier  that  ever  I  knew. 


Guy  Aver  all.  131 

Indeed,  it  was  only  the  other  day,  as  I  was  entering 
the  garrison  when  the  child  was  on  duty  as  sentinel. 
As  soon  as  I  came  within  the  customary  distance,  he 
immediately  brought  his  musket  to  a  ''present,"  and 
he  remained  in  that  position  too,  till  I  had  returned 
the  acknowledgement.  Now  any  one  who  is  so  gal- 
lant and  well  behaved  as  Lawless  evidently  is,  de- 
serves promotion  most  certainly,  in  my  opinion." 

"  I'll  bake  him,  I'll  bake  him,"  exclaimed  the 
eager  Captain  Daisy.  And  sure  enough  that  very 
same  evening  an  order  was  read  on  parade,  which 
made  the  formal  announcement  that  Private  Patrick 
Lawless  was  hereby  appointed  a  Corporal  in  Com- 
pany "  E,"  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  and  was  to  be 
obeyed  and  respected  accordingly. 

Now  Guy  Averall,  although  a  good  enough  fellow 
in  his  way,  was  not  a  perfect  paragon  in  all  respects ; 
and  if  the  truth  must  be  told,  he  felt  a  momentary 
annoyance  at  the  promotion  of  Lawless,  not  on  ac- 
count of  the  advancement  in  itself,  for  that  was  a 
thing  of  minor  importance,  but  for  the  advantage  it 
might  possibly  give  his  rival  in  pressing  his  suit.  But 
this  feeling  only  lasted  for  a  second  ;  a  moment's  re- 
flection, indeed,  served  to  convince  Guy  that  it  was 
perfectly  competent  for  the  officers  of  his  Company 
to  promote  any  member  of  it  that  they  chose ;  and 
if  Miss  Kitty  Traynor  was  such  an  enthusiast 
about  rank  as  to  prefer  one  man,  with  a  couple  of 
worsted  stripes,  to  another  man  without  them,  why 
that  was  her  affair,  not  his.  And  the  consequence 
was,  that  when  Miss  Kitty,  a  few  days  afterwards, 
met  our  adventurer,  and  told  him  in  her  usual  laugh- 
ing way,  that  she  had  got  a  new  Corporal,  just  then 


132  Guy  Aver  all. 

for  a  beau  ;  and  what  was  better,  had  almost  made 
up  her  mind  to  stick  by  him  too,  our  friend  took  the 
observation  in  the  spirit  in  which  it  was  given,  and 
asked  who  the  Corporal  was. 

"  Why  Corporal  Lawless,  of  course,"  was  the  im- 
mediate answer. 

**  Oh  pshaw,"  said  Averall,  "  I  can  cut  him  out 
any  day  that  I  choose." 

"  No  you  cannot,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "he  is  the 
best  looking  non-commissioned  officer  in  the  garri- 
son." 

**  No  matter  for  that,  no  matter  for  that,"  answer- 
ed Averall,  "  I'll  just  draw  off,  and  let  him  go  ahead 
for  a  while,  and  then  when  he  thinks  everything  se- 
cure, I'll  come  in  once  more  and  show  him  his  real 
place." 

The  coast  was  now  clear  as  far  as  Master  Guy 
was  concerned,  and  had  that  young  gentleman  kept 
aloof  both  from  Miss  Kitty  and  her  inamorato,  he 
would  have  avoided  all  future  difficulties.  But  this 
unluckily  he  did  not  do.  One  morning  Guy  was  on 
the  point  of  starting  to  New  York,  as  a  member  of  a 
boat's  crew,  when  Lawless  came  up  to  him,  and 
thrust  a  silver  half-dollar  into  his  pocket.  "  I  want 
you  to  get  something  for  me,"  said  he.  "  I  am  very 
sick,  and  you  are  the  only  person  in  the  garrison  on 
whom  I  can  depend  in  making  the  purchase." 

"  What  is  it  you  wish  me  to  get  for  you  .?"  said  Guy. 

"  Hold  on,  by  the  way,"  rejoined  the  other  laugh- 
ing, "  I  have  a  big  story  to  tell  you.  I  was  over  at 
Rotten  Row  last  night,  and  saw  Kitty  Traynor  there. 
She  is  a  great  flirt,  but  I  am  going  to  give  her  up  this 
very  night,  and  once  I  am  out  of  the  way,   you  will 


Guy  Averall.  X33 

have  nothing  further  to  trouble  you,  and  then  you 
can  have  her  all  to  yourself." 

"  Oh,"  said  Guy,  "  as  far  as  that  is  concerned  I 
have  made  up  my  mind  to  abandon  flirtation.  I 
never  was  very  successful  in  that  way.  Still,  let  me 
know  what  you  want  in  New  York,  and  I  will  get  it 
for  you  if  I  can." 

"  I  wish  you  to  get  me  a  bottle  of  whiskey.  I  tell 
you  again,  you  are  the  only  person  in  the  garrison  I 
would  trust  in  such  a  thing  as  that." 

Won't  I  render  myself  liable  to  punishment  by 
doing  so  .?"  asked  Guy. 

"No,  you  won't,"  said  the  Corporal,  "  go  about 
the  thing  quietly,  just  take  the  bottle  and  keep  it  well 
concealed  in  your  coat.  AVhen  you  land  on  the 
Island  come  up  to  my  room,  hand  the  liquor  to  me, 
and  the  whole  affair  will  be  right." 

Alas  !  alas  !  for  Guy  Averall  on  that  fatal  morn- 
ing, he  was  foolish  enough  to  oblige  Lawless  in  the 
way  he  suggested.  Facilis  descensus  Averni,  says 
|the  poet  when  speaking  of  Hades  ;  and  easy  is  it  for 
the  United  States  soldier,  once  he  has  taken  the  path 
of  error,  to  go  further  and  further  astray.  Hardly 
had  Averall  touched  the  wharf,  on  his  return  to  Gov- 
ernor's Island,  before  he  was  arrested.  In  point  of 
fact  the  renowned  Heidenrick  happened  to  be  stroll- 
ing around  the  landing  at  that  instant,  and  noticing  a 
somewhat  suspicious  looking  protuberance  under 
Guy's  coat,  he  approached  the  latter,  seized  hold  of 
the  forbidden  article,  asked  Guy  what  it  was,  and  on 
the  latter  ejaculating  the  word  "whiskey  "  he  ordered 
the  offender  into  the  guard  house.  There  lay  poor 
Averall,  in  most  doleful  plight,  regretting  his  want  of 


134  G'l'y  Averall. 

resolution  in  not  acting  according  to  the  card,  and 
promising  mentally  all  sorts  of  good  behavior  in  the 
future.  All  this,  however  did  not  avail  him — in  the 
guard  house  he  was  allowed  to  stay,  for  Heidenrick, 
gallant  soldier  as  he  was,  had  carried  off  the  bottle  and 
exhibited  it  to  the  good  Captain  Daisy  as  proof 
positive  of  the  fact  that  he,  Heidenrick,  had  a  watch- 
ful eye  on  the  officers  of  the  garrison,  and  that  if  he 
got  a  fair  chance,  he  could  capture  more  bottles  of 
whiskey  than  all  the  other  Sergeants  of  the  Island 
put  together.  And  thus  the  consequence  was  that  in 
a  few  days  a  court  martial  was  assembled ;  and, 
Averall,  as  a  culprit,  was  brought  before  it. 

Ah  me !  what  a  dread  appearance  a  military 
tribunal  presents,  the  first  time  an  unhappy  offender 
is  brought  before  it.  To  see  that  glittering  array  of 
officers,  with  sashes  around  their  waists  and  swords 
by  their  sides,  all  sitting  in  a  circle  around  a  table, 
on  which  are  spread  charges  and  specifications  and 
law  books  without  number,  Guy  appeared,  her- 
alded in  by  the  Sergeant  of  the  Guard,  when  the 
order  convening  the  Court  in  the  first  instance  was 
read.  Then  the  prisoner  was  asked  if  he  objected 
to  any  officer  present,  named  in  the  detail,  to  which 
question  he  replied  in  the  negative.  The  Court  was 
then  sworn,  "in  presence  of  the  accused,"  the 
charges  were  read,  and  Guy  Averall  was  asked  to 
say  whether  he  was  guilty  or  not  guilty. 

"  Guilty,"  said  Guy, 

"  How  do  you  plead  to  the  specification  which 
alleges  that  you,  Private  Averall,  Company  "E," 
Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  did  introduce  a  quantity  of 
intoxicating  hquor  into  the  garrison  ?" 


Gtiy  Aver  all.  135 

"  Guilty  also,"  was  the  rejoinder. 

"Have  you  anything  to  say  in  your  defence?" 
asked  Lieutenant  Spruce,  who  was  at  the  time  acting 
as  Recorder. 

"Nothing  whatever,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Have  you  any  evidence  to  submit  in  regard  to 
character  ?" 

"If  there  is  no  objection,  I  should  like  to  call  on 
my  Company  Commander,  Captain  Daisy,  who  is 
present,"  said  Guy. 

Here  Captain  Daisy  rose  to  his  feet,  and  after 
giving  his  dear  old  nose  a  twist  or  two,  with  one 
hand,  he  was  sworn. 

"  Do  you  know  the  accused  ?"  said  Spruce,  who 
in  his  office  as  Recorder,  put  the  necessary  ques- 
tions. 

"  Tow  the  accused  ! — yes  I  tow  him  as  a  member 
of  my  company." 

"  How  long  has  he  served  in  your  company  ?" 

"  Don't  tow  exactly — maybe  one  or  two  months 
— cannot  tell  without  looking  at  the  morning  re- 
port." 

"  Has  he  ever  been  in  the  guard  house  before  ?" 

"  Don't  tow,  but  think  not — good  man — pulls  in 
the  boat's  crew  now  and  then,  and  has  never  given 
me  any  trouble,  as  far  as  I  know." 

"Then  you  think  this  is  his  first  offence  ?" 

"Think  so,  but  am  not  sure — if  he  had  been  a 
pad  man,  I  should  have  recollected  him  better.  I 
think  he  has  always  done  well." 

Guy  Averall,  if  the  truth  must  be  told,  felt  some- 
what surprised  that  his  own  Captain  had  not  a  bet- 
ter recollection  of  him  than  was  exhibited  ;  the  case, 


136  Guy  Aver  all. 

however,  was  here  closed,  and  the  Court  being 
cleared  for  deliberation,  our  friend  in  due  form  was 
conducted  to  the  guard  house.  There  he  remained 
for  three  or  four  days,  and  at  the  expiration  of  that 
time  his  sentence  was  read.  He  was  marched  up  by 
a  file  of  the  Guard,  in  company  with  three  or  four 
other  culprits,  placed  alongside  the  battalion,  and 
with  due  formality  received  his  doom.  Blodgett, 
the  irresistible,  who  still  acted  as  Adjutant  an- 
nounced the  sentence.  It's  terms  were  to  forfeit  to 
the  United  States,  three  dollars  of  his  monthly  pay 
for  one  month,  and  to  be  confined  at  hard  labor  in 
charge  of  the  guard  for  a  fortnight.  This  sentence 
was  certainly  no  more  than  the  offence  deserved, 
but  in  consideration  of  the  youth  and  inexperience 
of  the  prisoner,  as  well  as  the  excellent  character 
which  was  furnished  him  by  his  Captain,  the  main 
portion  of  it  was  afterwards  remitted.  And  thus 
ended  this  little  rencontre  on  the  part  of  our  hero. 
As  to  the  gay  and  pleasant  looking  Lawless,  he  still 
continued  his  attentions  to  Miss  Kitty  Traynor,  just 
as  if  nothing  had  happened ;  and  as  to  Averall  he 
made  a  solemn  resolution  that  let  him  commit  what- 
ever follies  he  might  in  the  future,  from  Corporal 
Lawless,  and  all  men  of  his  kind,  he  ever  would 
keep  himself  apart.  And  to  the  credit  of  Guy  be  it 
said,  this  vow  was  fully  kept. 

in. 

Now  about  this  time  there  was  another  member 
of  Company  '*  E,"  who  began  to  attract  considerable 
attention,  both  on  account  of  the  position  he  then 
held,  and  of  the  career  that   was  evidently  open  to 


Guy  Aver  all.  137 

him  as  a  soldier,  a  gentleman,  and  an  official  in  the 
American  Army.  This  man's  name  was  Ryan,  a 
countryman  of  Guy's,  a  broad-shouldered,  swagger- 
ing, half  ruffian-like  looking  fellow ;  who  in  conse- 
quence of  his  strength  of  arm,  and  depth  of  chest, 
was  selected  as  half  orderly,  and  half  working  man, 
to  the  good  and  amiable  Mrs.  Daisy.  "  I  want  a 
strong  ban  to  work  a  bangle,"  was  the  constant  ex- 
clamation of  the  gallant  Captain  himself,  every  time 
the  Company  was  formed.  So  one  morning  after 
the  clothing  of  the  recruits  was  reduced  to  proper 
dimensions,  Private  Ryan  was  selected  as  a  fitting 
orderly,  and  directed  to  report  to  his  commanding 
officer.  The  duties  of  Ryan  were  of  a  somewhat 
variegated  nature.  He  had  to  milk  a  cow,  to  work  a 
mangle,  to  run  errands  to  the  Commissary,  to  pull 
Mrs.  Daisy  in  a  boat,  now  and  then,  round  the  Island, 
and  perform  other  little  offices  of  a  kindred  nature. 
As  to  his  meals,  Private  Ryan  obtained  them  at 
Headquarters  ;  a  circumstance  sufficient  to  suggest 
to  the  other  members  of  the  Company  that  their 
quondam  associate  had  abandoned  his  legitimate 
sphere  as  a  soldier,  and  was  now  transferred  into  the 
useful,  but  at  the  same  time  not  very  exalted  occu- 
pation of  a  "  dog  robber,"  the  name  by  which  a  per- 
son in  Ryan's  position  is  commonly  known.  Still, 
as  far  as  that  fact  was  concerned  no  one  in  the  Com- 
pany felt  very  sorry  for  it ;  indeed  they  were  all 
rather  glad  to  be  rid  of  the  Tipperary  man,  for  a 
more  brazen  faced,  open  mouthed  bully  there  prob- 
ably never  existed. 

The  first   time  that  Guy  Averall  took  particular 
notice  of  the  orderly,  was  in  that  recruiting  depot  in 


138  Gt(y  Aver  all. 

Newark,  where  our  friend  became  a  soldier.  He 
swaggered  into  that  room  which  Captain  Daisy  oc- 
cupied as  an  office,  said  he  wished  to  enlist,  and 
when  ordered  by  Heidenrick  to  remove  his  cap,  he 
jerked  it  off  with  a  suppressed  grin,  just  as  if  he 
enjoyed  a  little  browbeating.  After  the  ceremony 
was  over,  and  he  was  duly  sworn  in  as  a  soldier,  he 
made  an  assault  on  poor  Guy,  for  he  came  into  the 
room  where  that  somewhat  disconsolate  youth  was 
sitting,  and  after  setting  his  teeth  he  expressed  the 
desire  of  having  a  "bloody  Enniskillener "  or  two 
to  eat,  and  then  his  growing  appetite  for  such  food 
would  remain  satisfied  for  the  present.  A  couple  of 
very  quiet  Germans,  who  were  sitting  together,  look- 
ing over  the  poems  of  Schiller,  were  the  next  object 
of  his  compliments.  But  finally  the  bully  caught  a 
Tartar,  in  the  person  of  the  cook,  Sullivan.  Supper 
being  served,  Private  Hogan  and  the  cook  had  pur- 
chased a  half  pound  of  butter,  as  an  agreeable  addi- 
tion to  their  meal,  which  consisted  merely  of  the 
usual  six  ounces  of  dry  bread  that  falls  to  the  sol- 
dier's lot,  and  the  ordinary  pint  of  black  coffee.  No 
sooner  did  Ryan  notice  the  butter  than  it  immediateiy 
attracted  his  eye  ;  and  forthwith  the  bully  expressed 
his  intention  of  having  a  share  of  it. 

"Aisy,"  exclaimed  Sullivan,"  aisy  if  you  plaise — 
don't  be  so  rash.  Supposin'  you  had  said  '  by  yir 
laive  '  before  takin'  it.  As  the  case  stands,  if  you 
had  axed  me  civally  for  a  rub,  I  don't  know  but  I 
might  have  obliged  ye,  but  since  you  are  so  obstrepu- 
ous,  I  now  say  that  the  butter  before  me  is  mine,  not 
yours,  and  as  such  I  shall  treat  it  till  the  last  ounce 
of  the  article  is  demolished." 


Guy  Aver  all.  139 

"  Yours!"  answered  Ryan,  "  I  know  a  confounded 
sight  better.  I  heard  you  and  the  Company  Clerk 
makin'  up  a  plot  to  have  something  good  for  supper. 
That  butter  belongs  to  me,  and  to  every  man  at  the 
table.  I  suppose  bekase  you  are  an  owl  soldier,  you 
think  you  can  impose  on  us  innocent  recruits." 

"  Innocent  or  not,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  it  makes 
but  little  difference.  The  butter  belongs  to  Hogan 
and  me,  and  you  for  one,  shall  not  touch  it." 

"  Not  touch  it,"  said  the  other.  "  I'll  let  you  see 
whether  I  will  or  not."  And  at  this  instant  the  friend 
of  equal  rights  put  out  his  hand,  as  though  he  would 
appropriate  the  article  to  himself. 

This  movement  on  the  part  of  Ryan  rather  stimu- 
lated the  ire  of  his  opponent ;  who  having  paid  his 
own  money  for  the  condiment,  could  not  see  why  he 
was  not  entitled  to  possession  of  the  same.  Sullivan 
now  felt  that  his  rights  as  an  individual  were  some- 
what in  jeopardy,  and  to  be  browbeat  or  overriden  in 
the  matter  was  opposed  alike  to  his  sense  of  justice, 
and  to  his  personal  taste.  So  to  put  a  quietus  on  the 
attempt  of  the  other,  the  cook  jumped  into  a  corner, 
seized  hold  of  a  big  carving  knife,  swung  it  over  his 
head,  and  then  swore  that  if  the  other  laid  a  finger 
on  anything  that  did  not  belong  to  him,  he  would 
make  him  acquainted  with  cold  steel,  even  if  it  cost 
him  his  life. 

That  threat  proved  a  pacifier.  In  spite  of  his 
bluster  there  was  a  certain  method  in  the  madness  of 
Private  Ryan.  He  weighed  the  delight  to  be  derived 
from  appropriating  an  article  that  was  not  his  own, 
especially  when  that  article  was  an  eatable,  he  coun- 
terbalanced the  annoyance  and  possibly  the  harm 


140  Guy  Aver  all. 

that  might  result  if  the  knife  wielded  by  Sullivan 
should  really  make  a  hole  in  his  side,  and  on  a  quiet 
calculation  of  the  possible  chances  in  the  case,  he 
resolved  to  forego  the  expected  good  for  fear  of  the 
anticipated  evil.  Had  Sullivan  appeared  less  resolute, 
his  course  of  procedure  would  undoubtedly  have 
been  different ;  for  butter,  be  it  observed,  is  a  very 
agreeable  article  to  have  on  a  soldiers'  supper-table, 
especially  if  it  costs  you  nothing.  So  all  the  patriot 
could  accomplish  on  the  present  occasion  was  to  scold. 

"  Och,  it  is  yourselves  are  a  nice  set  of  fellows," 
said  he,  as  he  planted  his  big  hobnailed  pumps  on  the 
floor.  "  If  this  is  the  way  you  manage  things  in 
Amerekay,  I  have  my  own  opinion  of  life,  liberty  and 
the  parshoot  of  happiness.  Nice  liberty,  eh !  Bad 
luck  to  me,  but  there  is  every  bit  as  much  oppression 
here  as  in  Oireland  itself,  with  this  difference,  that 
there  you  have  no  one  but  a  rale  owl-fashioned  gintle- 
man  to  ride  over  ye,  and  here  you  must  submit  to  the 
whim  of  every  little  "Jack  that  you  meet." 

"I'll  let  that  word  go  for  once,"  exclaimed  the 
irate  Sullivan,  "but  by  the  holy  teapot,  Ryan,  if  you 
call  me  a  Jack  again,  I'll  knock  every  tooth  in  your 
head  down  your  ill-mannered  throat." 

"  Oh,  I  see  how  it  is,"  answered  Ryan,  "  I  must'nt 
spaik.  Land  iv  the  brave  and  home  iv  the  free,  eh ! 
So  it  is,  in  me  eye.  Oh  ye  are  all  combined  against 
a  poor  dissolute  stranger,  and  I  must  howl  me  tongue." 

"  Give  the  poor  fellow  a  piece  of  butter  and  let 
him  go,"  shouted  Hogan  at  this  juncture  by  way  of 
banter. 

"Not  so  much  as  the  tenth  part  of  an  ounce," 
replied   Sullivan,  "  but  to  show  him   that  I  am  not 


Guy  Ave  rail.  141 

mane  or  stingy,  I'll  make  a  divide  of  all  I  have  with 
the  rest  of  the  crowd." 

And  hereupon  Sullivan  proceeded  round  the  table 
with  the  paper  full  of  butter  in  one  hand,  and  a  knife 
in  the  other,  and  laid  a  dab  of  yellow  grease  on  the 
plate  of  every  single  recruit  in  the  room. 

"  Come  boys,"  said  he  when  this  work  of  love  was 
accomplished,  "  I  want  you  all  to  ate  and  be  merry. 
A  soldiers'  supper  is  not  a  very  sumptuous  one,  but 
such  as  it  is,  let  us  enjoy  it.  As  to  that  butter  it  is 
mine,  and  not  Mr.  Ryan's,  and  in  bestowin'  it  I  say 
here  is  life,  liberty,  and  happiness  to  us  all." 

"  Oh,  I  see  what  you  are  afther.  I  see  what  you 
are  afther,"  exclaimed  Ryan  once  more.  "  Strivin' 
to  raise  a  prejudice  against  me.  But  no  matter.  I'll 
have  butter  meself  one  of  these  days,  and  you'll  see 
with  whom  I  will  divide  it.  Long  lane  has  no  turn — 
did  ye  iver  hear  them  words,  Misther  Sullivan.  But 
no  matter,  I  see  I  can't  open  me  mouth  here.  Well 
there  is  no  justice  for  Oireland,  at  all,  at  all.  But 
I'll  keep  quiet,  and  we'll  see  how  things  will  come 
out  in  the  long  run.  That  is  all  I  have  to  say  on  the 
subject,  friend  Sullivan." 

And  with  these  words,  and  sundry  mutterings  to 
himself,  Private  Ryan  finally  left  the  supper  table  and 
sought  his  own  room.  This,  then,  was  the  man  who 
was  now  selected  as  orderly  to  Mrs.  Daisy,  and 
whom  that  lady  afterswards  designed  for  still  higher 
honors. 

IV. 

After  his  release  from  the  Guard  House  on  Gov- 
ernor's  Island,  Guy  Averall  took  to  his  studies  once 


142  Guy  Aver  all 

more,  and  in  that  haphazard  discursive  v/ay,  which  was 
now  habitual  to  him,  he  read  quite  a  number  of 
works  of  an  imaginative  and  historical  nature,  such 
as  are  in  common  use  among  the  rank  and  file  of  the 
Army.  The  "  Knight  of  Gwynne,"  *"  Harry  Lorre- 
quer,"  "Tom  Burke  of  Ours,"  and  so  forth  came 
duly  into  requisition ;  all  of  which  compositions 
proved  to  be  both  interesting  and  instructive.  Mean- 
while it  must  be  noted  that  in  another  direction  Guy 
Averall  was  constantly  improving.  That  polished 
tone  of  manners  which  is  only  found  in  the  highest 
and  best  circles  of  life,  was  set  forth  in  proper  form  be- 
fore his  eyes,  and  as  such  was  duly  appreciated  by  him. 
It  happened,  for  instance,  one  day  that  our  friend 
was  detailed,  in  the  usual  manner,  as  member  of  a 
boat's  party  ;  and  while  waiting  very  conscientiously 
for  the  return  of  the  Officers  at  Castle  Garden,  the 
gallant  Brigadier  again  hove  in  sight. 

"Oh,  Mr.  Spruce,  Mr.  Spruce,"  said  the  lady  on 
the  approach  of  the  officer,  "  I  have  a  great  project 
on  hand.  I  intend  in  the  course  of  a  week  or  two,  to 
put  the  Hospital  on  Governor's  Island  in  proper 
order  ;  and  then  issue  invitations  to  some  of  the  rich- 
est and  most  fashionable  people  in  New  York  City. 
As  soon  as  I  get  them  on  the  Island,  we  can  all  have 
a  delightful  time.  I  fully  intend  that  we  shall  dance 
the  Chapeau  Bras." 

"  The  Chapeau  Bras,''  repeated  the  officer  some- 
what puzzled,  "  I  am  sure  I  shall  be  delighted  to  par- 
ticipate in  it.  Meanwhile  let  me  ask  one  question  ? 
Will  you  be  kind  enough  to  tell  me  what  the  dance, 
just  named,  really  is.''" 

"  My  dear  Mr.   Spruce,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  can 


Guy  Ave  rail.  143 

it  be  possible  in  this  enlightened  age  and  country, 
that  you  should  remain  ignorant  of  the  real  nature  of 
the  Chapeau  Bras.  The  Chapeau  Bras,  let  me  inform 
you  sir,  is  the  most  fashionable  dance  in  Europe  at 
the  present  time.  Its  origin  is  due  to  the  Emperor 
Louis  Napoleon,  who  introduced  it  in  proper  form 
into  the  Tuleries,  Its  leading  characteristic  is  that 
each  gentleman  present,  instead  of  leaving  his  hat  in 
a  certain  apartment,  carries  it  with  him  during  the 
whole  of  the  evening;  and  while  in  that  condition 
goes  through  his  evolutions  on  the  floor.  The  whole 
thing  is  perfectly  delightful,  I  assure  you." 

"  It  would  afford  me  infinite  pleasure  to  partici- 
pate in  anything  which  is  brought  out  under  such 
auspices,"  was  the  rejoinder. 

"  Then  I  shall  appoint  you  master  of  ceremonies 
on  the  occasion,"  was  the  reply. 

Thus  ended  the  conversation  for  the  present,  and 
in  due  time  both  officers  and  lady  returned  to  the 
Island.  Shortly  after,  it  must  be  noted,  the  most  ex- 
tensive preparations  were  inaugurated  at  Fort  Col- 
umbus in  view  of  the  grand  display  which  the  good 
Mrs,  Daisy  had  resolved  to  make.  Invitations  were 
issued  in  the  name  of  Major  Daisy  and  his  excellent 
sjpouse  to  the  families  of  the  several  officers,  then  sta- 
tioned in  the  Harbor  ;  in  which  the  words  on  dansera 
and  chapeau  bras  appeared  in  a  corner.  Men  in 
squads  were  sent  down  to  the  Hospital,  so  as  to  put 
it  in  proper  order,  festoons  were  made  of  cedar,  lau- 
rel, and  other  evergreens  ;  cakes,  ices  and  similar  del- 
icacies were  engaged  in  large  quantities  in  the  city, 
while  to  crown  all,  those  elegant  young  gentlemen, 
Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper,  pledged  their  pay  accounts 
10 


144  ^^y  Aver  all. 

for  a  couple  of  months  in  advance,  and  then  each  or- 
dered a  suit  from  Ackerman,  the  mihtary  tailor,  who 
keeps  the  well-known  establishment  on  Broadway.  Not 
that  the  suits  now  spoken  of  were  to  be  military  suits, 
— far  from  that — for  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper,  in  a 
spirit  of  innovation  which  was  in  itself,  almost  auda- 
cious, resolved  to  throw  their  regimentals  aside  and 
show  themselves  in  the  swallow  tail  coat  and  black 
trousers  which  properly  belong  to  the  civilian.  These 
preliminary  arrangements  having  been  completed, 
there  was  nothing  more  to  do  but  to  wait  with  pa- 
tience till  the  eventful  evening  arrived.  Finally  it 
came,  and  at  the  hour  of  nine  o'clock  on  the  twenty- 
sixth  of  November,  eighteen  hundred  and  blank,  the 
triumph  of  Mrs.  Daisy,  wife  of  Captain  and  Brevet. 
Major  Daisy  of  the  United  States  Army,  was  com- 
plete, for  in  the  presence  of  the  whole  garrison  of 
Fort  Columbus  she  inaugurated  that  highly  aristo- 
cratic affair  which  is  known  in  foreign  countries,  es- 
pecially in  France,  by  the  name  already  mentioned. 
The  whole  thing  Avas  a  tremendous  success,  so  tre- 
mendous that  the  fame  of  it  extends  through  the  length 
and  breadth  of  Governor's  Island  even  to  the  present 
day,  and  men  date  events  from  Mrs.  Daisy's  ball  in 
the  same  way  that  the  Romans  reckoned  their  time 
from  the  building  of  their  city ;  or  the  people  of  Ori- 
ental countries  from  the  flight  of  the  prophet.  The 
grand  idea  was  to  make  the  thing  as  much  like  the 
Imperial  Court  of  France  as  possible.  But  lest  we 
should  appear  to  slight  so  important  an  event  as  the 
chapeau  bras  by  a  mere  hint,  let  us  say  here,  that  those 
powers  of  persuasion  with  which  Mrs.  Daisy  was 
endowed  had  all  been  exercised  in  a  proper  manner 


Guy  Aver  all.  145 

"on  the  best  and  dearest  man  that  ever  existed,"  so 
that  as  far  as  the  preHminary  arrangements  are  con- 
cerned, the  Brigadier  had  every  thing  pretty  much 
her  own  way.  The  floor  of  the  dancing  room  was 
well  waxed,  the  whitewashed  walls  of  the  building 
were  ornamented  with  evergreens,  the  garrison  flag 
gracefully  draped  at  one  end  of  the  apartment,  where 
a  small  platform  had  been  erected,  formed  a  gay  can- 
opy over  the  spot  where  the  Brigadier  intended 
standing  to  receive  her  guests.  Chandeliers  com- 
posed of  bayonets  belonging  to  the  company  were 
to  light  the  room,  emblems  in  the  shape  of  that  flower 
from  which  the  lady  derived  her  name  were  placed 
here  and  there  throughout  the  apartment,  while  in 
order  to  impart  an  air  distingue  to  the  occasion,  it  was 
arranged  that  half  a  dozen  soldiers,  with  Corporal 
Sullivan  at  their  head,  were  to  represent  the  "  Garde 
Imperiale  "  of  France,  and  to  give  Captain  and  Mrs. 
Daisy  a  *'  present  arms "  as  they  passed,  Guy 
Averall,  it  may  be  noted,  was  a  member  of  the  afore- 
said "  Garde,"  on  that  eventful  night,  and  when 
the  word  of  command  was  given  in  proper  form 
by  Sullivan,  he  brought  down  his  musket  with  a 
certain  reverential  awe,  which  certainly  must  have 
sent  a  thrill  of  delight  through  the  heart  of  his  pa- 
troness. "  How  are  you  all  my  dear  children — that's 
very  well — why  Corporal  how  do  you  do  1  And  Guy 
why  you  really  are  becoming  a  very  fine  soldier. 
Corporal  don't  keep  the  men  very  long  at  a  present." 
And  after  giving  the  military  acknowledgement 
to  the  salute,  in  a  bold  and  warlike  manner,  the 
gallant  Brigadier  passed  into  the  interior  of  the 
building. 


146  Guy  Ave  rail. 

But  let  us  leave  this  outward  show  and  proceed 
to  the  great  centre  of  attraction,  the  dancing  room 
itself.  Here  the  commanding  officer  and  his  excel- 
lent wife  received  their  guests — the  former  being 
dressed  in  grande  tenue  with  his  sword  by  his  side 
and  his  hat  stuck  under  his  arm,  while  his  beloved 
spouse  was  arrayed  in  a  pale,  peach  blossom  colored 
satin,  very  low  in  the  neck,  and  very  short  in  the 
sleeves,  so  as  to  reveal  the  imperial  charms  of  the 
wearer  to  each  and  every  beholder.  After  receiving 
her  guests,  with  what  delight  did  Mrs.  Daisy  seat 
herself  upon  that  particular  fauteuil  which  she  had 
reserved  for  her  own  especial  use,  and  gaze  majes- 
tically on  the  scene  before  her  !  What  satisfaction 
she  felt  on  beholding  the  success  of  her  undertaking, 
for  every  person  around  her  had  an  undoubted 
Prench  air,  while  all  the  gentlemen  carried  their  hats 
under  their  arms  just  as  if  they  were  walking 
through  the  Tuileries.  There  was  Taper,  with  his 
budding  moustache,  waxed  from  end  to  end,  as  if  he 
were  an  incipient  Napoleon,  and  wondering  mean- 
while if  that  Princess  Louise,  then  before  him,  whose 
home  is  on  Twenty  Fifth  avenue,  has  a  sufficient 
quantity  of  "  rocks."  There  is  Spruce  on  the  other 
hand,  the  ferocious  little  rascal,  he  does  not  care 
about  "  rocks "  at  all,  he  only  meditates  on  **  la 
gloire,"  for  he  innocently  tells  that  young  girl,  lean- 
ing on  his  arm,  that  to  die  on  a  battle  field  is  his 
only  aim  and  desire,  and  provided  he  were  sure  of 
this  boon,  his  heart  would  remain  content  forever. 
Some  of  the  heavy  fellows,  the  Engineers  be  it 
understood,  contrive  to  say  a  word  of  compliment  to 
Mrs.  Daisy  now  and  then;  one  of  them  indeed,  who 


Guy  Ave  rail.  j^- 

has  visited  Paris  the  year  previous,  assures  his  hostess 
that  the  Hospital  as  it  now  stands,  although  only  an 
ordinary  two  story  brick  building,  reminds  him  very 
much   of   the    Tuileries,    and  that   madam   herself 
would  almost  be  mistaken  for  the  Empress  Eu-enie 
I3ut  hark!  the  band  strikes  up;  we  have  a  m^arch 
and  a  quadrille,  and  a  waltz,  and  a  polka,  and  durin^^ 
all  this  time  the  hats  of  the  gentlemen  remain  glued 
to  their  arms,  just  as  if  they  could  not  be  given  up 
— mdeed  the  only  person  who  chooses  to  violate  the 
customary  etiquette  is  the  easy  going  Commandant 
himself,  for  in  spite  of  the  frequent  reminders  of  his 
wife  that  this  was  a  real  chapeau  bras,  not  a  common 
ball,  the  old  fellow,  after  a  time,  saw  proper  to  sling 
the_  covermg  of  his  upper  story  into  a  corner,  just 
as  if  It  were  a  pea  wisp,  and  then  vowed,  in  addi- 
tion, that  It  was  all  nonsense  for  plain  Americans 
to  assume    those    ridiculous   French    airs;  that  the 
United  States  was  as  good  a  country,  at  any  time 
as  that  ruled  by   any   foreign    Emperor,  and  if  he 
had  any  voice  in  the  matter  he  would  banish  these 
chapeau  bras,  and  other  exotic  dances,  away  in  an 
instant,  and  in  their  place  would  substitute  a  good 
plain,  old  fashioned  Virginia  reel,  such  as  he  himself 
had  led  off  when  he  was  twenty. 

The  supper  was  eaten,  the  dancing  was  over,  and 
the  guests  were  going  away,  and  as  the  Garde'  Im- 
perials presented  Arms  in  the  usual  manner,  Guy 
Averall  noticed  a  young  lady,  in  company  with  the 
Commandant,  not  richly  attired  like  the  Brigadier's 
great  friends  from  New  York,  it  is  true,  but  dressed 
very  becomingly  in  spite  of  all  that,  and  with  a  face 
such  as  a  woman  of  good  heart  and  high  principle 


148  Guy  Averall. 

alone  could  wear.  The  features  were  delicately  chis- 
elled, a  certain  breadth  between  the  eye  brows  gave 
an  expression  of  intelligence  and  good  sense  which 
was  unmistakable ;  the  figure,  somewhat  under  the 
usual  size,  was  rounded  so  as  to  present  a  series  of 
graceful  curves,  while  a  prettily  shaped  foot  and 
hand  gave  indication  of  the  pure  blood  that  coursed 
through  that  woman's  veins.  Guy  glanced  at  the 
stranger  for  a  second  or  two  in  a  true  and  unre  • 
served  spirit  of  reverence,  and  after  she  had  passed 
out,  he  could  not  help  asking  the  name  of  the  visitor. 
"  Do  you  not  know,"  said  Hogan,  who  for  once 
did  not  choose  to  be  irreverent,  "  that,  sir,  is  the 
Queen  of  the  Island,  -at  least  so  she  is  esteemed  by 
some  of  us  rough  soldiers.  That  lady,  sir,  I  verily 
believe,  would  rather  find  occupation  in  doing  some 
little  unostentatious  work  of  charity,  even  supposing 
that  the  recipient  were  nothing  but  an  ordinary 
private  in  the  Company,  like  you  or  me,  than  in 
attending  all  the  fool  dances  that  ever  were  invented. 
Her  name  is  Miss  Davis;  her  father,  an  old  officer 
in  the  Regiment,  was  killed  during  the  Mexican  war, 
and  his  only  child  has  lived  ever  since  with  her  uncle 
on  the  mothers  side.  Captain  Daisy.  That  relative, 
I  really  believe^  is  disposed  to  be  as  kind  as  his  gen- 
eral indolence  will  permit ;  as  to  his  wife,  she  certainly, 
at  the  very  least,  is  patronizing.  However  as  far  as 
that  point  is  concerned,  her  good  offices  are  not  lost; 
for  Miss  Davis  relieves  her  aunt  of  most  of  those 
household  cares  which  the  other  is  too  "  aristocratic  " 
to  assume.  She  takes  almost  entire  charge  of  that 
cub  of  a  boy,  belonging  to  the  Brigadier,  doing  her 
utmost  to  instil  into  his    head  a  little  elementary 


Guy  Aver  all.  149 

French  and  music.  The  girl  earns  her  own  living,  I 
assure  you." 

"  That  is  news  to  me,"  said  Gtiy.  "  I  was  not 
aware  that  Mrs.  Daisy  had  any  family  but  herself 
and  Tom." 

"  Faith  she  has.  The  sprig  is  twelve  years  old, 
more  or  less ;  and  as  thoroughly  spoiled  a  brat  as 
you  can  find  in  the  country.  But  don't  you  know 
Hector.''" 

V. 

La  jeunesse  est  un  ivresse  contimcelle  says  Roche- 
foucould,  and  in  illustration  of  this  maxim,  as  well  as 
in  evidence  of  her  gaity  of  heart,  it  may  be  noted 
that  after  the  customary  acknowledgments  were  paid, 
and  Mrs.  Daisy  had  sketched  landscapes  and  ex- 
amined oysters  and  other  marine  curiosities  for  a 
while,  she  finally  made  up  her  mind  to  give  another 
chapeau  bras.  This  announcement,  innocent  although 
it  may  seem,  was  not  received  with  much  favor  by 
the  men  of  Company  "  E,"  who  had  already  enough 
of  hospital  scrubbing  and  decorating  to  satisfy  them. 
But  what  of  that— a  woman  like  Mrs.  Daisy  is  a  sort 
of  avalanche,  and  once  she  is  set  in  motion,  there  is 
no  other  alternative  but  to  let  her  have  her  own  way. 
So  as  a  natural  result  the  floors  of  the  Hospital  were 
waxed  once  more  ;  and  one  or  two  sick  men,  who 
happened  to  be  there,  were  hoisted  like  so  much 
lumber  into  the  garret.  It  was  in  consequence  of 
this  latter  act,  that  the  bard  Hogan  resolved  on  a 
soldier's  revenge — to  get  drunk.  For  this  act  of  his, 
reprehensible  though  it  was,  the  clerk  had  every 
reasonable  excuse.     The  muster  rolls,  for  instance. 


150  Guy  Aver  all. 

were  all  completed  ;  the  Company  returns  had  been 
properly  signed  ;  the  usual  official  letters  to  the  Adju- 
tant-General, tfte  Quartermaster-General  and  the 
other  authorities  in  Washington  had  all  passed  from 
his  hands  ;  his  mind,  in  fact,  was  free  as  far  as  his 
own  immediate  duties  were  concerned,  so  by  way  of 
indignation,  if  not  of  jollification,  Private  Hogan  as 
before  intimated,  resolved  to  rejuvenate  himself.  Not 
that  Hogan  by  any  means  was  a  habitual  toper — far 
from  that — he  loved  his  wine,  of  course,  in  the  way 
that  an  Irishman  naturally  does ;  still,  if  his  official 
duties  required  him  to  sit  up  to  twelve  at  night, 
during  half  the  year,  he  never  would  have  abandoned 
his  place  till  every  scrap  of  paper  under  his  charge 
was  properly  disposed  of ;  and  the  last  return  under 
his  cognizance  was  signed  and  sent  to  its  ultimate 
destination.  But  these  duties  once  completed,  a 
certain  latitude  had  to  be  allowed.  Shortly  after 
tattoo  therefore,  on  the  night  that  Hogan  was  in- 
formed of  Mrs.  Daisy's  intentions,  the  clerk  very 
4  quietly  sought  the  shades  of  Rotten  Row,  and  going 
into  the  quarters  occupied  by  one  of  the  laundresses 
in  that  classic  vicinity,  he  procured  a  bottle.  From 
this  he  took  a  couple  of  good  pulls,  just  to  see  how 
the  liquor  would  taste,  and  feeling  somewhat  refreshed 
by  the  draught,  he  thought  he  would  pay  a  visit  to 
his  friends  in  the  Fort.  He  accordingly  started  off, 
and  before  many  minutes  he  was  standing  by  the 
side  of  that  bunk  which  contained  the  sleeping  form 
of  Guy  Averall. 

"Here  young  fellow,"  said  he,  "wake  up  and 
take  some  comfort.  Best  whiskey  that  is  to  be  found 
on  Governor's  Island." 


Guy  Avi-rall.  l^i 

"  What  do  you  want  ?"  said  Guy,  raising  his  head 
from  under  the  blanket, 

"  Don't  make  any  noise,  confound  it,  or  old 
Heidenrick  will  discover  us.  Here  is  something  that 
will  do  you  good." 

"  What  is  it  ?"  asked  Guy. 

**  Here  take  hold  of  it,  and  don't  ask  any  ques- 
tions. I  have  always  had  a  liking  for  you.  You  are 
every  whit  as  good  a  man,  at  the  bottom,  as  Heiden- 
rick or  Lawless  or  any  one  else." 

**  What  do  you  want  though .?"  said  Guy. 

"  Why,  I  say  you're  as  good  a  man  as  any  one  of 
them,  even  supposing  you  have  been  a  fcAV  days  in 
the  guardhouse.  Come  take  a  swig  of  this,  and  be 
a  soldier  at  once." 

At  this  instant  Guy  Averall  from  the  sheer  desire 
of  getting  rid  of  his  troublesome  friend,  put  out  his 
hand  and  took  the  bottle  that  was  offered,  but  hardly 
had  he  tasted  its  contents,  than  he  spat  out  all  over 
the  floor,  just  as  if  he  had  been  imbibing  so  much 
fire.  Of  all  the  diabolical  compounds  in  existence  this 
seemed  to  be  the  very  worst,  for  it  almost  suffocated 
the  young  soldier ! 

"  There  now,"  said  the  bard,  "  you  are  all  right — 
I  wanted  to  show  you  that  you  have  one  or  two 
friends  in  the  Company,  at  any  rate,  even  supposing 
that  you  and  I  differ  somewhat  on  this  or  that  contro- 
verted point.  You  are  as  good  a  man  as  Heidenrick, 
I  say,  even  supposing  you  have  not  so  much  rank." 

"  You  had  better  keep  quiet,"  said  Guy,  who  in 
return  for  the  bards  civility  thought  it  only  becoming 
and  proper  in  him  to  afford  the  latter  a  bit  of  sea- 
sonable advice. 


152  Guy  Ave  rail. 

**  Hold  your  whist,"  rejoined  the  other.  "  I  know 
how  to  behave  myself  as  well  as  any  other  person  in 
this  place.  I  wasn't  born — hie — in  a  cave  exactly, 
even  supposin'  that  my  tongue  is  inflicted  with  a  small 
bit  of  the  brogue.  I  endeavor  to  behave  myself  dis- 
creetly— hie — so  that  even  Sergeant  Heidenrick  him- 
self cannot  find  much  fault  with  me,  unless  indeed  he 
happens  to  be  uncommonly  severe." 

Hogan's  behavior  was  in  general  terms  unexcep- 
tionable, as  every  candid  person  will  admit,  but  at  this 
particular  instant  the  obnoxious  Sergeant  himself 
appeared,  armed  with  a  tallow  candle  in  his  hand,  so 
as  to  institute  a  proper  search  as  to  the  cause  of  the 
disturbance.  At  the  same  time  it  may  be  noted 
that  Hogan  having  taken  a  few  additional  mouth- 
fulls  from  the  bottle,  now  began  to  feel  decidedly 
exalted,  while  at  the  same  time  this  unaccommoda- 
ting hiccup  became  worse  and  worse  each  instant, 
so  as  materially  to  affect  his  enunciations  as  he 
spoke. 

"  Here  comes  Di-og — hie — Diogenes  in  search  of 
an  honest  man  -^  but  being  a  simple  Private  he  can 
hardly  select  me.  However  I'll  stand  the  glare  as 
well  as  I  can." 

"  For  what  are  you  up  here,  at  dis  ere  hour  of  the 
night  you  veller,  Hogan,  I  says,"  exclaimed  the 
Sergeant. 

At  this  moment  the  bard  began  to  nod  his  head 
in  a  way  that  was  very  significant,  for  in  truth  the 
last  pull  he  took  from  the  bottle,  now  began  to  pro- 
duce a  miraculous  effect.  He  pointed  to  Guy,  and 
then  muttered,  in  a  sort  of  solemn  undertone,  that  he 
was  simply  speaking  to  one  of  his  friends. 


Gi(y  Ave  rail.  153 

"  Speaking — for  what  you  speaks  at  all  at  this  hour 
of  the  night — you  go  to  ped." 

"  I'm  keeping  good  company,"  replied  the  bard, 
**  the  boy  is  not  bad — hie.  Est  bonus,  ut  melior  vir 
non — hie — " 

"  Vat's  that  you  say  ?"  exclaimed  Heidenrick, 

''''Est  bonus,  ut  melior  vir  non  alius — hie — " 

"  You  quit  talking  your  wild  Irish,  and  go  to 
ped." 

"  The  boy's  not  bad — \nc—formosa  fades  fnuia 
commendatio — hie — well  no  matter  I  know  the  rest, 
but  let  it  go — hie.     The  boy  Averall  is  not  bad." 

"  You  go  to  ped  at  once,  or  I'll  put  you  in  the 
guard  house." 

"  Oh,  guard  house — hie — guard  house  be  hanged. 
Well  by  the  hole  of  my  coat,  Governor's  Island  is  a 
funny  place — full  of  the  high  falutin',  is  it  not  ?  I've 
been  to  Rotten  Row  this  evening,  I  have,  and  of  all 
the  places  for  bad  whiskey,  I  say  that  Rotten  Row " 

"  Donner  und  blitzen — you  shut  up  or  I'll  knock 
your  head  off.     Go  to  ped." 

Here  Guy  spoke  up,  and  advised  his  friend  for  the 
sake  of  peace  to  lie  down,  but  Hogan  having  the- 
spirit  of  opposition  roused  in  him,  partially  through 
the  effects  of  the  whiskey,  and  partially  by  the  words 
of  the  Sergeant,  did  not  care  apparently  whether  he 
went  to  the  guard  house  or  not. 

''Sergeant  Heidenrick,"  said  he,  "do  you  know 
what — a  few  days  ago — hie — I  saw  an  extract  from 
an  old  book,  which  with  your  kind  permission  I 
should  like  to  relate." 

"  Tont  vant  to  hear  anything  of  your  relate.  You 
shut  up." 


154  Guy  Aver  all. 

"  Sergeant  Heidenrick,  did  you  ever  carry  round 
a  monkey  and  organ  in  the  course  of  your  life  ?" 

"  Dunner  und  blitzen  vats  that  you  have  to  say  ?" 

"  The  story  I  have  to  tell  is  from  an  old  book, 
whose  name  I  need  not  mention.  It  is  about  an 
elephant  and  a  hog." 

"  I  tont  vant  to  hear  anythings  about  elephants 
or  hogs.     You  take  off  your  clothes  and  lie  down." 

*' You  need  not  apply  the  thing  to  yourself  unless 
you  are  particularly  anxious  to  do  so.  The  story  is 
to  this  effect,  that  Noah  when  in  the  ark,  being  in 
want  of  a  scavenger,  stroked  down  the  back  of  the 
elephant,  and  the  elephant  in  due  time  brought  forth 
a  pig,  so  between  this  pig  and  another  animal  in  the 
human  form,  with  three  stripes  on  his  jacket,  we 
have  been  able  to  make  away  with  all  the  dirty  gar- 
bage that  is  to  be  found,  inside  or  out,  far  or  near, 
in  a  company  of  Artillery,  even  to  the  present  day." 

This  humorous  recital,  picked  up  by  Mr.  Hogan 
in  his  miscellaneous  reading,  was  rather  too  much 
/for  the  first  Sergeant.  To  have  Hogan  drunk  was 
certainly  bad  enough,  but  to  be  compared  to  an 
animal  of  the  genus  porcus,  was  really  more  than 
the  official  could  stand.  His  command  in  conse- 
quence was  both  quick  and  sharp.  "  Dat  vill  do — 
I've  heard  your  story — you  walk."  Hogan  seemed 
to  understand  intuitively  that  the  Sergeant  now 
really  meant  business,  for  he  gathered  up  his  blanket 
without  saying  another  word,  and  then  trudged  off 
to  the  guard  house  without  delay. 

In  due  time  a  Court  was  assembled  for  his  trial, 
and  the  bard  was  arraigned  under  the  usual  charge: 
"  Conduct  to  the  prejudice  of  good  order  and  mill- 


Guy  Ave  rail.  155 

tary  discipline,"  the  specification  setting  forth,  in  the 
first  place,  that  the  offender  was  drunk  and  disorderly 
in  his  quarters ;  and  secondly,  that  he  had  compared 
Sergeant  Ernest  Heidenrick  to  a  hog.  To  all  these 
indictments  the  bard  chose  to  plead  "guilty";  a 
confession  which  the  Court  saw  fit  to  approve.  At 
the  end  of  a  few  days  the  sentence  was  read,  "  to 
forfeit  to  the  United  States,  six  dollars  of  his  month- 
ly pay  for  one  month  ;  and  to  be  confined  at  hard 
labor,  in  charge  of  the  guard,  for  the  period  of  ten 
days,"  Hogan  had  the  privilege  of  telling  his  little 
legend  about  Noah  and  the  ark,  but  as  a  necessary 
consequence  he  paid  the  corresponding  equivalent. 

During  the  period  of  his  confinement,  the  bard 
had  an  opportunity  of  composing  an  imitation  of 
one  of  the  best  known  lyrics  in  the  language,  which 
ran  in  something  approaching  the  following : — 

I 
There  came  to  the  guard  house  an  Exile  of  Erin, 
The  mud  on  his  shoe  tops  lay  heavy  and  thick, 
For  his  bitters  he  sighed,  as  the  morning  was  wearing. 
For  the  truth  was  the  man  was  most  terribly  sick. 
The  evening  before  all  was  free  and  delightful. 
But  the  close  of  a  'bender'  it  always  is  frightful. 
The  soldier  is  thrust,  in  a  way  low  and  spiteful. 
To  the  depths  of  some  cell  by  severe  martial  law. 

2 

Sad  is  my  fate,  said  this  child  of  affliction. 

How  I  envy  the  life  of  the  Tom  cat  so  gay  ! 
By  moonlight  he  crawls  over  housetops  and  fences. 
In  lover-like  courtship  the  time  glides  away. 

But  oh  !  if  by  night  I  should  seek  the  low  bower 
Where  the  bottle's  replenished,  I'm  doomed  from  that  hour, 
I  never  am  freed  from  the  shackles  of  power. 
Till  tried  and  convicted  by  stern  martial  law. 


156  Guy  Ave  rail. 

3 
Sweet  Rotten  Row  !  in  the  midst  of  my  wailings, 
Oft  to  your  shades  does  my  mind  take  its  flight, 
Still  do  I  dream  on  your  backyards  and  palings. 

Your  clothes  lines  and  wash  tubs  are  still  in  my  sight. 
Oh  cruel  fate  !  how  I  silently  ponder, 
On  that  dear  chosen  spot,  where  I  nightly  did  wander. 
And  still  of  my  jorum  grew  fonder  and  fonder, 
Till  trapped  and  imprisoned  by  stern  martial  law. 

4 
Friends  and  companions  that  with  me  have  sported 

Where,  may  I  ask  are  you  now  one  amd  all, 
Ye  that  have  with  me  so  often  consorted, 
Your  joyous  features  I  here  will  recall. 
One  o'er  his  tactics  is  silently  poring. 
One  on  his  guard  bunk  is  quietly  snoring. 
One  plenus  veteris  bacchi  is  roaring, 

While  I  am  imprisoned  by  stern  martial  law. 

5 
But  all  these  sad  recollections  suppressing. 

One  joyous  thought  my  lone  bosom  may  fill. 
Though  the  time  lags,  yet  the  month  is  progressing. 
Nearer  and  nearer  to  pay  day  I'm  still. 

When  that  time  comes,  with  my  cash  in  my  pocket, 
(Some  sure  is  mine,  though  courts  martial  may  dock  it), 
I  to  New  York  would  then  speed  like  a  rocket. 
And  sink  for  a*  day  there,  this  stern  martial  law. 

VI. 

During  the  time  that  the  bard  was  in  confine- 
ment, a  dastardly  attempt  was  made  on  the  person 
of  a  plain,  hard  working  girl,  a  resident  of  Rotten 
Row,  whose  character,  as  far  as  any  one  knew,  had 
always  been  unexceptionable.  This  affair  caused  a 
good  deal  of  indignation  among  all  classes;  for  sol- 
diers, although  prone  occasionally  to  minor  misde- 
meanors, are  very  rarely  downright  ruffians,  and  are 
every  whit  as  likely  to  condemn  an  act  of  this  kind 


Guy  Aver  all,  157 

as  the  most  staid  and  sedate  person  in  the  commu- 
nity. Lawless,  in  particular,  was  very  indignant  on 
this  theme  ;  he  was  acting  as  Corporal  of  the  Guard 
on  the  night  that  the  attempt  was  made,  and  when 
informed  of  the  real  occasion  of  the  fracas,  he 
rushed  over  to  Rotten  Row  in  an  instant,  inquired 
of  the  sentinel  whose  house  was  attacked,  and  then 
vowed  if  he  had  his  way,  and  could  discover  who 
the  transgressor  was,  he  would  pinion  him  with  his 
.bayonet,  before  the  villain  had  time  to  draw  another 
breath.  After  such  earnest  protestations  as  these, 
no  one,  of  course,  could  suspect  the  handsome  Cor- 
poral Lawless  of  having  a  finger  in  the  pie  !  But 
all  attempts  to  discover  the  malefactor  were  in  vain, 
the  utmost  that  was  known  was  simply  this,  that 
Corporal  Lawless  was  standing  outside  the  guard 
house,  according  to  his  account,  at  about  half  past 
eleven  at  night,  when  he  heard  a  screech  given  ap- 
parently by  a  woman,  and  immediately  afterwards 
recognized  the  call  of  the  sentinel,  at  post  No.  4, 
that  without  even  waiting  for  his  musket,  he  ran  in 
the  direction  of  the  voice,  and  was  told  by  the  sen- 
tinel, after  challenging,  where  theory  had  originated, 
and  on  entering  the  quarters  indicated,  the  aggressor 
had  evidently  fled.  This  was  about  all  the  informa- 
tion that  could  be  elicited  oruthe  subject,  during  the 
investigation  which  took  place  at  Head  Quarters 
next  morning — the  night  was  dark,  and  beyond  the 
fact  that  the  person  who  had  entered  Mrs.  Levigart's 
house  was  a  soldier  in  uniform,  it  did  not  seem  that 
anything  more  could  be  discovered.  So  after  a 
while  the  affair  blew  over,  and  the  peace  and  quiet- 
ness of  Governor's  Island  was  not  disturbed  again, 


158  Guy  Aver  all. 

in    this    way,    as    long  as    Guy   Averall    remained 
on  it. 

During  the  commotion  occasioned  by  this  affair 
a  rumor  was  circulated  around  Fort  Columbus  that 
the  Indians  in  Florida  were  committing  the  most 
unruly  depredations — stealing  cattle,  burning  houses, 
and  so  forth — and  that  there  was  a  strong  probability 
that  the  Twenty  sixth  Artillery  would  be  sent  to  that 
part  of  the  world,  as  a  police  force  for  the  occasion- 
This  news,  on  the  whole,  was  not  unpleasant  to  the 
various  residents  of  the  Island,  Hogan  had  been 
released  from  the  guard  house,  and  felt  free  to  go 
wherever  he  was  bid ;  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper 
both  wished  to  dye  their  maiden  swords  in  blood; 
while  as  far  as  Guy  Averall  was  concerned,  he  had 
already  seen  a  sufficient  amount  of  garrison  service, 
and  therefore  longed  for  the  more  active  duties  of 
the  field.  The  same  round  of  guard  meetings,  and 
inspections  and  boat  parties,  and  garrison  Courts 
Martial  had  been  observed  at  Fort  Columbus,  ever 
since  he  arrived  there,  so  that  the  prospect  of  a  little 
campaigning  had  something  absolutely  exciting  in 
it ;  and  hence  it' was  that  most  of  the  soldiers  began 
to  look  forward  to  the  expected  transfer  with  a  good 
deal  of  pleasurable  anticipation.  Florida,  the  land 
of  the  palmetto  and  the  mangrove;  the  home  of  the 
Seminole  and  the  alligator;  the  place  where  those 
early  Spanish  adventurers  sought  for  that  perennial 
spring,  which  was  to  impart  the  vigor  of  youth  to 
every  one  who  bathed  in  its  waters — even  in  the  very 
name  of  the  state  there  was  something  enchanting! 
Guy  accordingly  began  to  collect  all  the  miscel- 
laneous information  he  could  gather  respecting  this 


Guy  Aver  all.  159 

particular  part  of  the  earth's  surface,  and  taking  up 
an  old  history  of  the  state,  which  was  lying  in  the 
Orderly  room,  he  soon  became  cognizant  of  the  fact 
that   Florida  was  first  seen  by  Ponce  de  Leon,  who 
landed  near  St.  Augustine  in  the  year  15 13,  and  that 
the  country  received  its  name,   either  on  account  of 
the  beauty  of  its  vegetation,  or  because  of  its  being 
discovered  on   St.  Flores  day.     In  1539,  according 
to  the  same  authority,   Fernando  de   Soto  explored 
Florida,  and  after  passing  through  a  series  of  ro- 
mantic  adventures   he  appears  to  have  died  on  the 
banks  of  the  Mississippi  in  the  year  1542.     In  the 
middle  of  the  sixteenth  century,  many  Huguenots 
visited  the  country,  but  only  to  experience  greater 
evils  than  they  had  endured  at  home.     In  1564  they 
were  attacked  by  the  Spaniards,  and  many  of  them 
were  hung  on  the  trees  with  the  inscription  that  they 
were  destroyed,  "  not  as  Frenchmen  but  as  heretics," 
an  act  which  serves  to  indicate  the  civility  and  good 
manners  that  existed  during  these  times ;  and  which 
was  requited  soon  after  by  the  Huguenots  attacking 
the  Spanish  fort,  and  hanging  up  its  garrison  with 
the  inscription   that  "  they  were  hung  up,  not  as 
Spaniards  but  as  cutthroats,"  a  Roland  for  the  Oliver 
formerly  bestowed.     Florida  remained  in   the  pos- 
session of  Spain  till  the  year  181 9  when  it  was  ceded 
to  the  United  States,  and  formally  surrendered  in  the 
year  182 1.      In   1835   the  war  with   the  Seminole 
Indians  broke  out,  the  occasion  being  their  removal 
to  the  country  west  of  the  Mississippi.     Three  years 
previous,  a  treaty  had  been   signed  by  some  of  the 
chiefs  at  a  place  called  Payne's  Landing,  in  which 
they  agreed  to  relinquish  their  claim  to  the  land  in 


i6o  Guy  Ave  rail. 

the  State,  and  to  emigrate  to  the  Indian  territory. 
On  presenting  this  treaty,  however,  to  the  Indians 
at  a  subsequent  period,  man>  of  them  declared 
against  being  bound  by  it,  and  as  an  immediate  result, 
one  of  their  chiefs,  Osceola,  was  put  in  irons,  by  the 
United  States  Commissioner,  General  Thompson,  for 
alleged  abusive  language.  In  a  few  days  after, 
Osceola  was  released,  but  this  did  r\pt  prevent  an 
attack  on  Thompson,  who  was  murdered  at  the  seat 
of  the  Indian  Agency,  Fort  King.  Troops  were  now 
marched  into  the  country,  and  on  the  24th  of 
December  occurred  the  well-known  battle  between 
the  command  of  Major  Dade  and  the  Indians,  in 
which  the  whole  of  the  former  were  cut  off,  v.ith  the 
exception  of  three  men.  Subscfjuenlly  several  officers 
commanded  in  Florida;  Clinch,  Gaines,  Scott  and 
others;  but  in  1837,  while  holding  a  conference, 
under  a  flag  of  truce,  with  General  Jesup,  Osceola 
was  treacherously  seized,  with  a  number  of  his  fol- 
lowers, and  kept  at  Fort  Moultrie  till  the  time  of 
his  death,  which  occurred  about  six  months  after- 
wards. The  war  lingered  on  for  four  or  five  years 
after  this,  costing  meanwhile  a  good  many  dollars  in 
money,  and  the  lives  and  the  health  of  a  good  many 
officers  and  soldiers  ;  but  it  finally  was  settled  by  a 
compromise  in  which  part  of  the  Indians  were  per- 
mitted to  live  in  the  southern  part  of  the  peninsula ; 
and  the  remainder  of  them  consented  to  Emigrate  to 
the  land  set  apart  for  their  use,  west  of  the  Mis- 
sissippi. 

Such  was  the  intormation  that  Guy  Averall,  at 
this  particular  time,  was  able  to  collect,  respecting 
that  i)ortion  of  the  aborigines  who  inhabit  what  some 


Guy  Aver  all.  i6i 

are  pleased  to  characterize  as  one  of  the  most  beau- 
tiful and  interesting  States  in  the  American  Union. 

m 

VII. 

Reports  still  continuing  of  further  depredations 
in  Florida,  it  was  at  length  announced,  in  official 
orders,  that  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  should  pro- 
ceed at  once  to  the  sunny  south ;  and  take  post  in 
various  stations  in  that  part  of  the  country.  This 
news,  although  fully  anticipated,  was  the  occasion  of 
some  little  flurry  at  Governor's  Island  ;  for  in  the 
first  place  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper  had  to  start 
over  to  New  York,  to  make  their  adieus  to  those  two 
"lovely  girls"  on  whose  merits  they  had  been  ex- 
patiating for  the  last  twelve  months  ;  while  Blodgett, 
the  irresistible,  although  willing  to  serve  his  country 
like  a  man,  just  wanted  "  by  Jupiter  "  a  day  or  two 
in  addition  so  as  to  put  the  finishing  touch  to  some 
wonderful  machine  on  which  he  had  been  spending 
his  best  efforts  for  the  last  couple  of  months.  Cor- 
poral Lawless  too — he  had  his  affaire  d'  amour;  for 
when  off  duty  he  was  constant  in  his  devotions  to 
Miss  Kitty  Traynor,  and  was  even  reported  as  hav- 
ing pressed  his  suit  so  far  as  to  ask  that  somewhat 
inconstant  belle,  to  accompany  him  to  Florida,  as  his 
wife.  But  the  girl,  spite  of  her  apparent  thought- 
lessness, seemed  to  understand  the  non-commissioned 
officer  pretty  thoroughly.  "  Indeed  Corporal  Law- 
less," said  she,  "  you  surely  don't  want  me  to  make 
a  ballyhaise  of  myself,  and  have  all  the  garrison 
talkin'  of  me.  I'll  never  marry  a  man  unless  he  is 
willing  to  court  me,  at  the  least,  for  two  or  three 
years.     Just  go  down  to  Florida,  and  remain  there, 


i6»  Guy  Ave  rail. 

and  try  and  do  your  duty  as  a  soldier,  and  if  I  hear  a 
good  account  of  you  when  the  Company  comes 
back,  perhaps  then  I  may  tako^-our  case  into  con- 
sideration." 

"  Do  you  not  wish  me  to  write  to  you  ?"  was  the 
somewhat  cautious  retort  on  the  part  of  the  non- 
commissioned officer. 

"  Write  to  me  !  now  what  is  the  use  of  talking 
about  writing  to  one  of  your  plain  spoken,  camping 
women,  as  a  friend  of  mine,  high  in  authority,  once 
chose  to  call  me.  No,  no,  Corporal  Lawless,  we  must 
forego  this  thing  of  writing  for  the  present.  Things 
that  are  put  down  on  paper,  you  know,  are  apt  to 
stick.  Just  behave  yourself  properly,  and  try  and  do 
your  duty  in  Florida,  as  I  told  you  before,  and  if 
you  come  back  to  Fort  Columbus  with  a  good  char- 
acter, you  certainly  will  have  an  oi)portunity  of 
speaking  to  Kitty  Traynor."  And  unsatisfactory 
though  it  was,  the  gallant  Corporal  was  obliged  to 
remain  content  with  the  foregoing  very  indefinite 
answer. 

These  manifold  preparations  being  all  completed, 
trunks  packed,  bills  paid,  friends  blessed,  and  extra" 
baggage  sold,  the  twelfth  of  February,  eighteen 
hundred  and  blank,  was  finally  selected  as  the  day 
on  which  the  troops  were  to  take  their  departure  for 
the  land  of  the  .Seminole.  On  the  afternoon  of  that 
date,  therefore,  the  good  ship  Peerless,  of  the  New 
Orleans  Packet  Fine,  appeared  opposite  the  wharf  at 
Governor's  Island,  in  her  quality  of  transport.  A 
judicious  care  had  been  exercised  by  the  Quarter- 
master's Department  in  selecting  the  vessel,  and  when 
the  troops  went  on  board,  they  found  every  possible 


Guy  Averall.  163 

accommodation  for  their  comfort.  Some  of  the 
older  soldiers  saw  fit  to  thank  the  proper  staff  officers 
for  this  kindness,  and  only  wished  that  a  like  solici- 
tude would  be  exhibited  in  providing  a  good,  clean 
vessel  for  voyaging  at  sea,  on  all  future  occasions, 
for  some  of  the  rotten  old  hulks,  that  occasionally 
serve  as  transports  to  United  States  troops,  are  a  dis- 
grace to  the  country,  and  have  cost  the  lives  of  a 
good  many  officers  and  men.  On  going  on  board 
the  Peerless,  it  was  discovered  that  a  particular  set 
of  bunks  were  assigned  to  the  use  of  Company  "  E  "  ; 
Guy  therefore  and  his  friend,  the  Scotchman,  selected 
one  of  these  ;  put  their  knapsacks  in  it,  and  then 
going  on  the  upper  deck,  they  took  their  seats  on  the 
forecastle  and  indulged  for  some  time  in  that  care- 
less chit-chat  which  constitutes  the  usual  style  of  con- 
versation among  persons  of  even  greater  weight  and 
importance  than  those  who,  in  the  words  of  Falstaff, 
serve  as  mere  "  food  for  powder." 

Every  person  being  on  board  ;  officers,  men  and 
all,  the  Captain  of  the  Peerless  gave  orders  to  heave 
anchor,  when  soldiers  and  sailors  alike  stationed 
tliemselves  round  the  Captain,  took  hold  of  its  bars, 
and  circling  round  and  round,  the  heavy  anchor  was 
finally  dragged  up.  During  this  process  one  of  the 
tars  chanted  an  ode,  written  by  some  American 
Dibdin,  the  only  verse  of  which  preserved,  at  present, 
is  the  following  : — 

The  Peerless  is  a  saucy  boat, 

Heave-he,  heave-ho. 
And  a  bully  crew's  on  her  afloat, 

Heave-he,  heave-ho. 


l64  Guy  Arerall. 

So  here's  farewell,  my  own  love  true, 

Heave-he,  heave-ho. 
Before  me  speeds  the  water  blue, 
\  Heave-he,  heave-ho. 

These  lines,  prosaic  though  they  may  seem,  pro- 
duced a  really  capital  effect,  when  chanted  by  the 
sailors,  one  of  whom  gave  the  words  themselves,  in 
a  clear,  manly  voice,  and  the  others,  after  heaving  on 
the  bars,  joined  in  the  chorus.  After  a  while,  the 
anchor  itself  came  up,  and  was  secured  in  its  proper 
place  by  a  tackle  ;  the  little  tug  that  had  been  puff- 
ing and  fretting  alongside  the  Peerless  took  her  in 
tow ;  a  few  sails  were  set,  and  the  vessel  slowly  pro- 
ceeded down  the  harbor.  Governor's  Island,  with 
its  guns  and  red  castle  slowly  receded  from  view ; 
the  Narrows  finally  were  reached ;  Fort  Hamilton, 
Staten  Island  and  a  lightship  were  all  passed  ;  and 
before  long  the  Peerless  aod  her  pilot  were  well 
out  on  the  broad  ocean.  In  the  long  run  the  pilot 
himself  was  taken  off,  by  means  of  a  boat;  and  a 
guard  and  sentinels,  having  been  stationed  in  various 
parts  of  the  vessel,  the  usual  routine  of  life  at  sea 
now  began.  Some  of  the  men  got  sick,  in  the  course 
of  a  few  hours,  and  crawled  into  their  bunks ;  others 
remained  manfully  at  the  forecasde,  as  if  determined 
to  brave  that  unenviable  malady  to  which  "  land 
lubbers  "  are  pretty  sure  to  be  subject.  In  the  end, 
a  considerable  proportion  of  these  succumbed  to  sea 
sickness ;  while  the  remainder,  deeming  it  useless  to 
sit  up  much  longer,  retired  to  their  bunks,  so  that  by 
the  time  "  four  bells  "  were  sounded,  at  night,  noth- 
ing was  stirring  save  the  officer  in  charge  of  the 
watch,  who  kept  pacing  the  quarter  deck,  and   the 


Guy  Averall.  165 

sentinels    who  were  stationed  in  appropriate  places 
in  the  vessel,  both  above  and  below. 

White  is  the  glassy  deck,  without  a  stain 

Where  on  his  watch,  the  staid  Lieutenant  walks  ; 

Look  on  that  part  which  sacred  doth  remain 
For  the  lone  chieftain,  who  majestic  stalks. 

Silent  and  feared  by  all— not  oft  he  talks 

With  aught  beneath  him,  if  he  would  preserve 

That  strict  restraint,  which  broken  over  balks 
Conquest  and  Fame  :  but  Yankees  rarely  swerve 
From  law  however  stem,  that  tends  their  strength  to  nerve. 

And  so  Guy  Averall  is  on  a  vessel  bound  to 
Florida,  in  order  to  fight  the  Indians !  Query,  is  it 
not  possible  to  manage  these  same  Indians,  without 
fighting  them  eternally? 

VIII. 
But  before  going  any  further  we  wish  to  correct 
a  slight  mistake.  It  has  previously  been  stated  that 
all  the  members  of  Company  "  E,"  both  ofificers  and 
men,  were  on  board  the  Peerless  when  she  sailed, 
'in  the  strict  sense  of  the  word,  however,  this  is  not 
true;  since  the  former  orderly  at  Headquarters,* 
Private  Timothy  Ryan,  was  absent,  he  being  at  that 
time  in  New  York,  a  prisoner  in  the  hands  of  the 
civil  authority.  The  state  of  the  case  was  this.  A 
few  nights  previous,  that  gentleman  had  been  prowl- 
ing round  the  lower  extremities  of  the  city,  in  a 
lively  manner,  when  wishing  to  regain  his  quarters, 
as  quietly  as  possible,  he  offered  a  boatman  a  stipu- 
lated sum,  provided  he  were  willing  to  bring  him 
back  to  Governor's  Island.  According  to  the  code 
of  honor,  however,  which  that  patriot  had  adopted, 


1 66  Guy  Averall. 

there  was  no  great  need  in  fulfilling  his  part  of  the 
obligation,  once  the  service  was  performed ;  so 
instead  of  paying  the  money  as  agreed,  Ryan  turned 
on  the  boatman  and  gave  him  a  most  unmerciful 
beating.  The  latter,  nevertheless,  was  determined 
to  seek  satisfaction  in  his  own  way  ;  so  without 
more  ado,  he  went  to  the  office  of  the  District  Attor- 
ney, procured  a  warrant  for  the  arrest  of  the  offen- 
der, and  sent  a  deputy  marshal  over  to  Governor's 
Island  to  execute  it,  Just  as  Guy's  company  was 
embarking  on  the  transport,  this  official  handed  the 
warrant  to  the  officer  in  command,  who  was  obliged, 
as  a  matter  of  necessity,  to  acquiesce  in  it.  So 
away  went  the  Marshal,  and  away  went  the  prisoner 
to  New  York  city;  and  if  the  truth  must  be  told, 
there  were  not  many  men  in  the  Company  who 
seemed  very  sorry  to  lose  him.  "  I  wish  him  no 
harm,"  said  Sullivan,  who  probably  still  recollected 
the  encounter  in  the  recruiting  depot  at  Newark, 
**  but  I  do  not  like  Ryan's  ways,  and  I  sincerely 
hope  I  never  may  see  the  gentleman  again."  And 
well  would  it  have  been  for  poor  Sullivan  if  this 
desire  had  been  gratified,  but  the  fates  willed  it  oth- 
erwise. Yet  notwithstanding  this  general  indiffer- 
ence it  is  but  fair  to  say  that  the  prisoner  had  at 
least  one  friend  in  the  Company,  for  the  excellent 
Mrs.  Daisy,  who  was  standing  on  the  wharf,  at  the 
lime  of  the  arrest,  saw  fit  to  exhibit  those  sympa- 
thetic feelings  which  she,  as  a  kind-hearted  lady, 
had  always  at  command. 

Oh  the  child !  the  dear  child  !  mine  own  good 
orderly  "  said  that  truly  excellent  woman,  as  she 
applied  the  tip  of  her  handkerchief  to   her  eye   for 


Guy  Ave  rail.  167 

an  instant,  "my  poor  heart  aches  to  see  him  go  away 
under  charge  of  that  cruel  monster  of  a  law  officer. 
I  always  respected  poor  Ryan  as  one  of  the  best 
men  in  the  Company,  and  it  really  is  a  great  shame 
that  a  United  States  Soldier,  belonging  to  my  hus- 
band's command,  should  be  subjected  to  such  an 
indignity." 

"  Don't  mind  it,  don't  mind  it,"  said  the  gallant 
Heidenrick,  who  seeing  the  distress  of  Mrs.  Daisy, 
thought  it  proper  and  right  to  offer  a  word  of  con- 
solation. "  De  madam  must  know  that  Ryan  was 
at  times  a  little  pit  troublesome  ;  and  now  that  he  is 
gone,  I'll  say  the  Company  wont  miss  him  one  pit. 
Still,  if  the  lady  cries,  I  cries  too,  for  I  cannot  bear 
to  see  distress  on  the  part  of  any  one  who  is  related 
to  mine  goot  old  commanding  officer."  And  here- 
upon the  virtuous  Teuton,  put  his  hand  in  his  pocket, 
pulled  out  a  dirty  red  handkerchief,  and  applied  it 
to  his  eye,  in  sympathetic  accord  with  a  similar  mo- 
tion on  the  part  of  the  Captain's  wife. 

At  this  instant  a  rather  irreverent  titter  was  heard 
among  the  crowd  of  soldiers,  assembled  on  deck  ; 
and  it  was  observed  in  particular,  that  Hogan  beat 
a  somewhat  rapid  retreat  to  the  other  side  of  the 
ship. 

''  Come,  Hogan,"  said  some  one  present,  "  it 
wont  do  to  laugh  in  that  way,  or  you'll  have  the 
Sergeant  among  us,  and  then  you  know  your  fate." 

"  Yes,  but  I  cannot  help  it,"  was  the  answer. 
"Such  loyalty  as  is  exhibited  on  the  part  of  old 
Heidenrick.  Oh  !  Richard,  oh  !  mon  roi !  Well, 
by  the  holy  teapot,  this  will  do  as  an  incident  in  my 
chapter  on  beans."     And  here  the  bard,  who  had  a 


1 68  C//>'  Avei-all. 

keen  eye  for  whatever  was  ridiculous,  saw  fit  to 
indulge  in  a  most  immoderate  fit  of  laughter. 

"  Don't  make  so  much  noise,  or  we  all  will  be  in 
the  guard  house,"  was  the  next  exclamation. 

"Yes,  but  such  love  and  affection  as  I  see  every 
day  around  me,  how  can  I  resist  it  ?  Never  did  I 
see  Platonic  principle  properly  exemplified  till  I 
came  to  this  place.  But  I'm  not  a  Plato — I'm  ordi- 
nary flesh  and  blood,  and  how  can  I  control  my 
risibilities.  But  who  have  we  here — the  Steward, 
Petersen,  with  his  box  under  his  arm,  running  at 
full  speed.  I'll  venture  to  bet,  though,  that  he  can- 
not pass  the  Brigadier,  without  subjecting  himself  to 
a  cross  examination. 

Private  Hogan  spoke  with  full  knowledge  of  the 
subject,  for  in  spite  of  the  pretensions  to  the  contrary 
there  was  something  positively  ridiculous  in  the  curi- 
osity of  Mrs,  Daisy — she  always  contrived  to  ferret 
out  the  most  trifling  circumstances  that  happened  in 
any  place  where  she  happened  to  be.  To  think  of 
a  soldier  like  Peterson  attempting  to  pass  the  author 
of  the  chapeau  bras,  with  a  box  under  his  arm, 
without  the  other  prying  into  its  contents,  was  a 
sheer  impossibility.  No  sooner  had  the  Steward 
come  within  hailing  distance,  than  the  Brigadier 
immediately  commenced  her  attack. 

**  Oh  Petersen,  how  well  you  look  this  morning — 
going  down  to  Florida,  with  the  other  soldiers,  so 
as  to  fight  the  battles  of  your  country.  That  is  a 
good  child,  Petersen,  I'm  sure  the  Major  will  be 
proud  of  you.  What  have  you  got  in  that  box, 
may  I  ask  ?  " 

"  Curiosities,  ma'm,"  replied  Petersen  with  naive 


Guy  Ave}- all.  169 

simplicity,  while  at  the  same  time  he  made  an  inef- 
fectual attempt  to  get  away, 

"  Curiosities  !  why  Petersen  there  is  nothing  in 
the  world  on  which  I  doat  so  much  as  curiosities. 
What  are  your  curiosities,  may  I  ask  ? 

"  Skulls  if  you  please  ma'am — human  skulls,  at 
that.  Have  four  or  five  of  them  here.  Can  exam- 
ine them  whenever  you  chosse." 

*'  Oh  the  dear  good  skulls,  I  do  love  them  so 
very  much  !  "  was  the  rejoinder.  "  But  you  need  not 
mind,  Petersen,  ,you  need  not  mind  opening  the 
box,  my  curiosity  for  the  present  is  gratified.  Gen- 
erally speaking  I  have  the  greatest  possible  desire  to 
examine  scientific  subjects,  skulls  included,  but  for 
the  present  I  will  forego  that  pleasure," 

And  with  these  words  the  phrenologist  was 
allowed  to  pass,  while  Mrs.  Daisy  casting  her  eyes, 
now  and  then,  on  Ryan,  saw  that  worthy  fast  dis- 
appearing in  a  boat ;  or  anon  she  turned  them 
towards  the  afterpart  of  that  vessel,  where  sat  the 
bodily  image  of  Captain  and  Brevet-Major  Thomas 
Daisy  of  the  Regular  Army,  "  the  best  and  dearest 
man  that  ever  existed." 


THE  SUXXV  SOUTH. 


I. 


Before  long  the  usual  routine  of  guard  mount- 
ing, washing  of  decks,  drawing  of  rations  and  so 
forth  was  established  on  board  the  Peerless ;  and 
then  in  default  of  anything  more  exacting,  the  Clerk 
Hogan  contrived  to  start  a  manuscript  newspaper, 
in  which  the  trifling  events  of  the  voyage  were 
recorded.  For  instance,  it  was  announced,  as  a  very 
propitious  event,  that  the  coffee  furnished  the  com- 
mand, the  day  previous,  was  of  very  excellent  quality, 
and  that  a  certain  member  of  Company  "  E,"  Twen- 
ty-Sixth Artillery,  was  seen  making  love  to  a  big 
cucumber,  such  as  are  usually  served  out  to  troops 
of  the  United  States  when  on  board  a  government 
transport.  Then  followed  a  short  dissertation  on 
the  cucumber  as  an  esculent,  in  which  it  was  noted 
among  other  tilings  that  the  Hebrews  long  ago,  when 
in  the  desert,  longed  for  it;  that  Aristophanes  men- 
tions it  among  the  multifarious  good  things,  such  as 
apples,  pomegranates,  garlic  and  little  cloaks  for 
slaves  ;  that  Theophrastus  has  fully  described  it  in 
his  treatise  on  plants ;  that  Hippocrates  recom- 
mended it,  and  Sergeant  Heidenrick  ate  it,  and  there- 
fore the  soldiers  of  the  Twenty-Sixth  Artillery  had  no 
other  alternative  than  to  follow  these  illustrious 
examples.  Next  the  song,  "  as  slow  our  ship  its 
foamy  track  "  was  furnished  with  a  new  dress  to  suit 
170 


Guy  Averall.  171 

the  circumstances  of  the  voyage  ;  while  in  the  follow- 
ing  paragraph   a  very  touching   inquiry  was  made 
respecting  the  health  of  some  unlucky  wight  on  board, 
who  still  suffered  from  the  effects  of  mal  de  iner.    Of 
course  that  old  joke  about  the  string  and  the  piece 
of  fat  pork  could  not  be  omitted,  for  this  was  rec- 
ommended as  a  sovereign  remedy  to  all  persons  who 
felt  qualmish  on  board.  But  the  masterpiece  appeared 
to  be  a  transcript  of  the  book  of  Proverbs,  in  which 
"  Hogan,  the  wise,  now   ser^-ing  in  his  third  enlist- 
ment," laid  down  sundry  rules  for  the  guidance  of 
the  young  recruit,  when  doing  duty  in  the  Twenty- 
Sixth  Artillery.     A  very  agreeable  pastime  was  fur- 
nished by  the  Germans  onboard,  who  usually  assem- 
bled in  the  forecastle  in  the  morning  ;  and  there  gave 
some  song  that  spoke  of  home  and  friends  and  their 
own  dear  fatherland,  their  voices  rising  together,  in 
unison,  with  very  happy  effect.     But  one  amusement, 
story  telling,  must  not  be  forgotten,  and  in  this  con- 
nection our  friend  Corporal  Sullivan,  certainly  bore 
away  the  p?'n.,  for   the  Corporal,  spite   of  the   fact 
that  he  had  been  carrying  a  musket  in  the  United 
States  service  for  the  space  of  some  five  or  six  years, 
still    retained    no   inconsiderable   portion   of   Irish 
credulity  ab0t.t  him,  and  as  to  this  question  of  ghosts 
and  fairies  and  other  weird  spirits,  he  had  not  quite 
made  up  his  mind  as  to  whether  they  really  existed 
or  not.     One  of  his  recitals,  given  on  board  the  Peer- 
less, may  not  be  out  of  place  in  this  connection,  as 
it  will  serve  to  illustrate  the  Corporal's  conception  of 
a  really  good  narrative,  such  as  a  person  in  his  situa- 
tion may  naturally  recount.     The  story,  an  old  one 
by  the  way,  has  on  more  than  one  occasion  been 


172  Guy  Ave  rail. 

given  in  print,  but  as  it  has  the  merit  of  being  a 
genuine  legend,  not  a  manufactured  one,  and  was 
frequently  repeated  by  the  Corporal,  we  here  take  the 
liberty  to  introduce  it,  especially  as  it  contributed 
somewhat  to  the  amusement  of  Guy  Averall  at  the 
time.  The  tale  gives  the  history  of  three  men.  Hud- 
den  and  Dudden  and    Donald  O'Leary,  and  has  a 

moral  obvious  enough  to  those  who  read. 
*  *  *  * 

Hudden  and  Dudden  and  Donald  O'Leary  were 
three  neighbors,  who  lived  in  the  townland  of  Bally- 
magad.  There  they  had  each  a  small  farm,  which 
according  to  the  custom  of  the  country  they  tilled 
with  an  ox,  that  animal  indeed  constituting  the  prin- 
cipal article  of  live  stock  which  cither  of  them  pos- 
sessed. But  Hudden  and  Dudden,  being  of  an 
envious  nature,  got  together  and  laid  down  a  jjlan  to 
kill  Donald's  ox,  hoping  by  that  means  to  embarrass 
him  so  much  that  they  might  eventually  get  his  farm, 
and  then  divide  it,  in  equal  portions,  among  them- 
selves. So  one  night  they  came  to  Donald's  house, 
poisoned  the  ox,  and  then  told  the  people  all  around 
that  the  animal  had  died  of  sickness. 

When  Donald  got  up  in  the  morning  and  went  to 
his  outhouse,  he  there  saw  the  condition  of  the  poor 
animal,  and  immediately  suspected  who  were  the  real 
culprits,  even  in  spite  of  his  neighbors  protestations. 
**  No  matter,"  said  he  to  himself,  "  they  have  killed 
my  ox,  that  I  know,  but  they  have  not  deprived  him 
of  his  skin,  so  I'll  take  it  off,  bring  it  to  the  market 
and  sell  it."  Donald  accordingly  took  his  knife, 
skinned  the  ox,  and  away  he  started  with  the  hide 
sluns  over  his  shoulders. 


Guv  Aver  all.  173 

As  he  went  along,  up  came  a  magpie  and  lit  upon 
the  hide,  and  immediately  commenced  picking  at 
such  little  pieces  of  meat  as  were  attached  to  the 
skin.  Donald,  after  a  while,  happened  to  look  be- 
hind him,  and  saw  the  bird,  so  without  more  ado,  he 
stretched  out  his  hand,  took  the  magpie,  and  put  it 
into  his  pocket. 

Now  this  magpie,  it  may  be  remarked,  was  a  very 
singular  creature.  It  had  travelled  a  great  deal  in 
its  early  youth,  and  among  other  places  had  visited 
the  land  of  Cream  of  Tartar. 

"Crim  Tartary,  you  probably  mean,"  said  Hogan 
by  way  of  suggestion. 

"It  is  all  the  same  in  Frinch,"  replied  the  gallant 
Corporal  with  a  wave  of  his  hand  which  was  truly 
magnificent.  "  The  magpie  had  visited  the  land  of 
Cream  of  Tartar,  in  his  early  youth,  and  while  there 
had  been  taught  Latin.  So  after  a  while  it  began 
chattering  in  Donald's  pocket;  asking,  no  doubt,  to 
be  set  free,  but  in  the  long  run  it  got  tired  of  com- 
plaining, and  went  to  sleep,  in  which  condition  it 
remained  till  after  Donald  entered  the  market. 

In  due  time  Donald  sold  the  hide,  took  the  money 
he  had  received  for  the  same,  counted  it  carefully, 
and  feeling  somewhat  tired  he  went  over  to  a  tapster, 
and  asked  for  a  dram  of  his  best.  The  tapster 
accordingly  went  to  a  keg,  and  commenced  filling  a 
gill,  when  at  that  instant  the  bird  awoke  from  his 
doze  and  began  to  speak.  The  tapster  was  astonished, 
and  accordingly  asked  Donald  what  sort  of  an 
animal  that  was  which  he  carried  along  with  him  .'' 
**  It  is  a  bird,"  said  Donald. 
"What  kind  of  a  bird  may  I  ask.?"  inquired  the  other. 


174  Guy  Ave  rail. 

Now  Donald  in  spite  of  his  misfortunes  was  some- 
what of  a  wag,  and  when  an  impertinent  question 
was  put  to  him  he  did  not  hesitate  to  give  a  corres- 
ponding answer.  So  without  thinking  of  the  conse- 
quences that  might  ensue,  he  informed  the  tapster 
that  the  bird  in  question  was  one  of  the  most  valuable 
animals  that  man  ever  possessed,  for  it  invariably- 
told  him  all  sorts  of  secrets. 

"  He  should  not  have  prevaricated  though,"  said 
Hogan  who  for  the  nonce  seemed  to  adopt  the  char- 
acter of  censor.  "  Only  stock  speculators  and  news- 
paper men  are  guilty  of  such  enormities  as  that." 

"  I  can't  answer  for  his  conduct,"  rejoined  Sulli- 
van. "I  simply  tell  the  tale  as  it  was  told  to  me,  so 
let  me  go  on  with  my  history." 

"A  bird  that  tells  you  all  sorts  of  secrets  !"  ejac- 
ulated the  vender  of  John  Barlycorn.  "  And  what 
secret,  pray,  does  he  impart  to  you  now .?" 

"  Why  he  says,"  was  the  answer,  "  that  you  have 
liquor,  a  great  deal  better  than  that  you  now  sell,  in 
your  cellar." 

"  Dear  me,"  replied  the  tapster,  "  how  in  the 
world  can  a  magpie  know  so  much.  Why  I'd  give 
almost  all  I  have  in  the  world  to  possess  such  a 
bird." 

"  Could  not  sell  him  at  any  price,"  said  Donald 
who  still  fibbed  like  a  fox. 

"  Could  not  sell  him,"  repeated  the  tapster,  "why 
if  you  choose  I  am  willing  to  give  you  my  hat  full  of 
gold." 

"  Done,  it  is  a  bargain,"  was  the  answer.  So 
Donald  took  the  gold,  put  it  in  his  pocket,  and  home 
he  started. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  175 

Just  as  he  was  within  sight  of  his  own  house,  who 
should  he  meet  but  Hudden  and  Dudden  walking 
towards  him.  "  You  are  a  couple  of  nice  fellows," 
said  Donald,  "  sharp  as  steel  traps,  I  suppose.  You 
thought  you  had  done  me  a  great  injury  by  killing 
my  ox ;  but  it  was  the  luckiest  accident  that  could 
possibly  have  happened.  You  were  not  aware  of  the 
demand  for  oxhides  that  exists  at  present  in  town. 
Everybody  is  crazy  over  them  ;  you  can  get  almost 
any  price  for  one  of  them  that  you  please.  I  sold  my 
hide  early  in  the  morning  for  a  hat  full  of  gold,  and 
if  I  had  held  on  for  a  while,  and  not  parted  with  it 
so  readily  I  might  have  doubled  the  price.  Look, 
look,  here  are  some  of  the  shiners."  And  with  these 
words  Donald  pulled  out  a  handful  of  guineas,  and 
exhibited  them  to  his  astonished  neighbors. 

**  A  hatful!  of  gold  for  an  oxhide  !"  replied  Hud- 
den and  Dudden.  "  If  that  be  so,  we  will  kill  our  oxen, 
without  delay,  and  get  a  couple  of  hatfulls  also."  So 
both  the  fellows  started  off  to  their  farms  and  slaught- 
ered their  beeves ;  but  when  they  brought  their  hides 
to  the  market  they  soon  discovered  that  oxskins 
would  not  command  more  than  the  usual  price,  and 
that  meanwhile  they  had  destroyed  their  chief  de- 
pendence for  cultivating  their  own  soil.  So  back 
they  came  to  their  homes,  vowing  all  sorts  of  venge- 
ance on  their  more  fortunate  neighbor. 

Their  next  plot  was  even  more  diabolical  than 
their  former  one.  In  the  first  instance  they  had 
simply  killed  their  neighbor's  steer  ;  in  the  second 
they  determined  to  make  an  assault  on  the  life  of 
Donald  himself.  But  Donald  already  suspected  their 
designs,  and  resolved  to  circumvent  them  if  possible. 


176  Guy  Ave  rail. 

Now  about  this  time  Donald's  aunt,  who  kept 
house  for  him,  and  who  by  the  way  was  not  a  partic- 
ularly agreeable  old  woman,  took  it  into  her  head  to 
die.  Donald  of  course  was  very  sorry  for  this,  and 
in  order  to  honor  the  remains  in  a  proper  manner,  he 
took  them  up  very  carefully,  and  put  them  in  the  best 
room  in  the  house.  He  then  procured  a  sheet, 
wrapped  it  round  his  own  shoulders,  and  sat  down 
before  the  fire  for  comfort. 

He  had  not  been  long  in  that  position  before 
Hudden  and  Duddcn  approached  the  house,  under 
cover  of  the  night,  with  the  full  intention  of  murder- 
ing him.  They  accordingly  burst  in  through  the 
window  of  that  room  where  Donald's  aunt  lay 
stretched  ;  but  seeing  the  old  woman,  in  the  first  in- 
stance, lying  dead,  and  catching  a  glimpse  of  Donald, 
soon  after,  enveloped  in  a  sheet,-  they  immediately 
thought  that  tlie  latter  object  was  the  old  lady's 
ghost.  So  away  they  took  to  their  heels,  leaving 
Donald  in  possession  of  his  own  premises. 

Next  morning  he  determined  to  bury  his  aunt, 
and  having  no  one  to  assist  him,  he  took  up  the  old 
woman  on  his  shoulder,  and  thus  started  for  the  grave 
yard.  Feeling  somewhat  tired  after  a  while,  he  de- 
posited the  corpse  by  the  side  of  the  road,  propping 
it  up  by  means  of  a  staff,  so  that  it  remained  entirely 
erect.  Donald  then  went  to  a  house  near  by,  to  pro- 
cure a  cup,  in  order  that  he  might  obtain  a  drink  of 
water.  Now  inside  that  house  was  an  old  miser,  who 
spent  most  of  his  time  counting  his  money,  and  in 
wishing  that  some  rich  lady  or  other  would  marry 
him.  The  old  fellow  being  a  great  curmudgeon,  re- 
ceived our  friend  very  bluntly.     "  I  can't  lend  you  a 


Guy  Ave  rail.  lyy 

cup  or  anything  else,"  said  he  to  Donald,  after  the 
latter  had  made  his  request  for  the  use  of  that  article. 

"  Can't  lend  me  a  cup  !"  replied  Donald.  "  I'm 
sorry  for  you  then,  for  you  hardly  know  what  you 
have  missed.  Do  you  see  that  old  woman  yonder, 
standing  by  the  side  of  the  well .?" 

"  1  do,"  replied  the  miser, 

"  You  do,  and  yet  you  would  wantonly  disoblige 
her  nephew.  That  woman  let  me  say,  sir,  is  the  most 
extraordinary  person  in  the  kingdoms,  for  although 
a  female,  she  can  keep  her  tongue  quiet  from  year's 
end  to  year's  end,  and  as  far  as  money  is  concerned, 
she  would  not  sell  herself,  to  any  man  living,  for  all 
the  coin  in  the  world." 

"  If  she  is  so  rich,"  said  the  miser,  "  I  must  go 
over  and  address  her,  for  I  have  been  hunting  such  a 
woman  as  she  for  a  wife  this  many  a  day." 

As  soon  as  the  old  miser  could  secure  his  hat,  he 
started  off  in  order  to  pay  his  respects,  and  induce 
Donald's  aunt  to  enter  his  house.  He  accordingly 
addressed  her  two  or  three  times  without  receiving 
any  answer,  and  at  length,  being  somewhat  worried 
with  the  dame's  apparent  want  of  attention,  he  applied 
his  hand  to  his  side,  and  gave  her  a  shake.  But 
before  he  had  time  to  bless  himself  the  corpse  fell 
over  and  tumbled  into  the  water. 

"  Heigh  ho  !  "  said  Donald,  who  although  a  true 
born  native  of  the  Isle  of  Saints,  could,  now  and 
then  invent  tales  like  a  Chinaman.  "  Heigh-ho — a 
nice  state  of  affairs  we  have  here  !  Knocked  my 
aunt  into  the  well,  and  in  all  probability  drowned 
her  too!  Oh  !  by  all  that  is  handsome,  the  woman 
is  as  dead  as  a  door  nail." 


lyS  Guy  Ave  rail. 

"  Is  that  really  so  ?  "  exclaimed  the  miser, 
"  Yes,"  was  the  answer,  "  and  I  dare  say  before 
long  we  will  have  a  coroner's  jury  in  this  place ;  and 
they  will  sit  in  judgment  on  that  corpse,  and  they 
will  say  that  you  yourself  were  the  wilful  cause  of 
her  decease,  and  they  will  recommend  you  to  be 
hanged,  and  when  you  are  going  to  the  gallows  tree 
top,  you  will  feel  both  sorry  and  indignant  with  your- 
self, because  you  did  not  exercise  some  little  care 
when  applying  your  hand  to  that  venerable  dame, 
instead  of  thrusting  her,  like  a  dead  rat,  into  the 
water." 

By  this  time  the  miser  began  to  be  terribly  fright- 
ened, and  said  he  would  give  anything  to  comi)ro- 
mise  the  matter,  even  to  a  hat  full  of  gold,  rather 
than  run  the  chance  of  being  hung. 

"  It  is  a  bargain,"  said  Donald.  "  I'll  not  be  too 
hard  on  you,  I'll  take  the  hatful.  Just  help  me  to 
dig  a  grave  and  bury  the  old  woman  in  decency,  and 
then  we  can  settle  all  the  rest."  The  miser  was  only 
too  glad  to  accept  a  settlement  of  any  kind,  so  he 
assisted  Donald  to  bury  his  aunt,  and  afterwards  paid 
the  cash,  according  to  the  agreement. 

Donald  now  started  home  with  his  hat  full  of 
money  as  usual,  when  on  approaching  his  farm,  he  met 
his  old  friends  Iludden  and  Dudden.  "  You  are  a 
nice  pair  of  fellows,"  said  he  once  more,  "  you  in- 
tended, I  suppose,  to  kill  one  of  your  offensive  neigh- 
bors, but  instead  of  that  you  only  frightened  to  death 
my  poor  old  housekeeper.  And  as  luck  would  have 
it  I  have  received  a  proper  reward  for  her  venerable 
remains.  See  here,  I  have  the  full  of  my  hat  of  gold  ! 
You  never  heard,  I  dare  say,  of  the  wonderful  de- 


Guy  Aver  all.  179 

mand  for  old  wives  bones  that  exists  at  present  in  all 
parts  of  the  country." 

"  Dear  me,"  said  they,  "  that  is  strange — why 
what  in  the  world  could  any  person  require  with  old 
wives  bones  in  this  intelligent  age  and  nation  ?" 

"Why  to  make  them  into  gunpowder,"  was  the 
immediate  answer, 

"Well  if  that  be  so,"  said  Hudden  and  Dudden 
"  we  will  both  go,  and  each  kill  one  of  our  aunts, 
and  see  if  we  cannot  obtain  a  couple  of  hatfulls  of 
gold  likewise."  They  accordingly  perpetrated  the 
deed,  just  as  they  had  said,  slung  the  remains  over 
their  shoulders,  started  into  town  and  began  shout- 
ing at  the  top  of  their  voices  "  who  will  buy  old  wives 
for  gunpowder  !  who  will  buy  old  wives  for  gunpow- 
der !"  But  all  the  boys  of  the  place,  instead  of  buy- 
ing the  wives  from  them  as  they  had  anticipated, 
gathered  together  in  a  crowd,  and  commenced  pelt- 
ing them  with  stones  till  they  drove  them  out  of  the 
place,  Hudden  and  Dudden  therefore  left  the  vil- 
lage, in  a  terrible  fit  of  disgust,  went  home,  and 
vowed  all  sorts  of  vengeance  on  their  more  fortunate 
neighbor. 

The  day  following  the  two  worthies  met,  so  they 
then  and  there  contrived  another  plot,  namely,  that 
they  would  both  go,  seize  hold  of  Donald,  carry  him 
off,  and  drown  him.  This  design,  before  long,  they 
put  in  execution.  They  got  a  big  sack,  put  it  over 
Donald's  head,  thrust  him  into  it,  tied  it  fast,  and 
then  carried  both  it  and  its  contents  towards  a  river 
that  ran  at  some  distance  from  their  house.  They 
had  not  gone  far  when  they  met  a  hound  running 
after  a  fox,  and  as  the  fox  seemed  to  be  pretty  well 


I  So  Guy  Ave  rail. 

exhausted,  they  thought  they  would  enjoy  the  sport. 
So  away  they  started  for  some  distance,  thinking  they 
would  see  the  termination  of  the  chase.  Meanwhile 
Donald,  being  left  on  the  road,  tied  up  in  a  sack, 
began  to  sing.  Soon  a  drover  came  along  with  a 
herd  of  cattle,  and  as  the  man  came  near  to  Donald, 
he  stopped  and  asked  him  what  he  was  singing 
about  ? 

"I!"  said  Donald,  speaking  from  the  inside  of 
the  sack,  "  Do  you  really  wish  to  know  ?  I  am  sing- 
ing because  I  am  going  straight  to  the  Kingdom  of 
Heaven.  I  am  sure  any  person  ought  to  feel  well 
satisfied  on  account  of  leaving  this  wicked,  envious 
world,  and  having  all  the  blessed  joys  of  Paradise  be- 
fore him." 

"Going  to  Paradise!"  exclaimed  the  drover. 
**  And  are  you  really  sure  you  are  going  to  that  blessed 
place  ?" 

"Certain  of  it,"  responded  Donald,  "it  is  on 
account  of  that  certainly  I  am  now  enjoying  myself 
here." 

*'  If  you  really  are  certain  of  your  destination," 
said  the  drover,  "  I  willingly  would  exchange  with 
you,  for  the  more  I  see  of  this  wicked  world,  the  more 
disgusted  am  I  with  its  deceit,  pretension  and  selfish- 
ness." 

"  If  you  wish  to  exchange  places  with  me," 
answered  Donald,  "  I  am  willing  to  do  so  provided 
you  allow  me  that  drove  of  cattle,  now  under  your 
care,  by  way  of  bounty  in  the  transfer." 

"  A  bargain,"  exclaimed  the  drover.  So,  in  an 
instant  the  sack  was  opened,  Donald  came  out,  the 
drover  took  his  place,  and  Donald  taking  possession 


Guy  Ave  rail.  i8i 

of  the  cattle,  brouglit  them  home,  and  drove  them  to 
pasture  on  his  farm. 

Meanwhile,  as  soon  as  Hudden  and  Dudden  had 
satisfied  themselves  by  chasing  the  fox,  they  both 
came  back,  took  the  sack  in  their  arms,  and  deposited 
it  and  its  contents  in  the  river.  Great  however  was 
their  surprise  when  they  came  home,  to  see  the  farm 
of  Donald  filled  with  the  choicest  cows,  and  the  man 
whom  they  had  supposed  to  be  drowned,  sitting 
quite  contentedly  at  his  own  door  ! 

"You  are  a  nice  pair  of  fellows,"  shouted  Donald 
once  more.  "  You  thought,  forsooth,  you  would  ruin 
me  by  carrying  me  off  to  the  river,  and  attempting  to 
drown  me  in  it.  Instead  of  all  that,  however,  it  was 
the  most  fortunate  circumstance  that  could  possibly 
have  happened.  Such  droves  and  herds  of  cattle  as 
there  are  grazing  down  under  the  water  !  Why,  if  I 
had  proper  assistance  I  could  have  secured  not  only 
the  paltry  collection  of  animals  now  before  me,  but  a 
herd  ten  times  as  great.  I  never  saw  such  splendid 
longhorns  as  there  are  down  at  the  bottom  of  that 
river.  It  would  do  any  person  good  to  look  at 
them." 

"  If  that  is  so,"  said  they,  *'  we  too  would  like  to 
secure  a  portion  of  them  ourselves.  Are  you  willing 
to  show  us  the  way  ?" 

"  I  am,"  said  Donald,  "  on  two  conditions.  First 
that  you  will  let  me  alone  in  the  future  ;  and  second, 
that  you  will  give  me  a  third  of  the  cattle  you  may 
secure  in  that  place." 

"  Agreed,"  said  they,  as  if  anxious  to  make  a  big 
haul. 

Away  they  started,  while  Donald  was  careful  to 


iSa  Guy  A  vera  11 

lead  his  persecutors  to  the  broadest  and  deepest  part 
of  the  river.  "  That  is  the  place,"  said  he,  "  where 
the  cattle  are  grazing — all  you  have  to  do  is  to  fol- 
low my  movements.  I'll  just  step  back,  a  few  yards, 
so  as  to  make  a  good  jump  ;  and  as  soon  as  I  dis- 
appear under  the  water  you  can  follow  me.  If  we 
do  not  soon  afterwards  secure  some  of  the  finest 
beeves  in  existence,  why  then  you  need  never  address 
me  afterwards  as  Donald  O'Leary. 

*'  Hold  on,"  said  they,  "  since  you  have  shown  us 
the  way  we  have  no  further  need  of  your  assistance. 
Wm  are  both  healthy  and  strong,  and  can  secure  the 
cattle  for  ourselves." 

Led  away  by  their  greed  in  tliis  manner,  they 
now  thrust  Donald  aside,  and  first  one  jumped  into 
the  river,  and  soon  he  was  followed  by  the  other. 
Two  little  whirlpools,  in  the  water,  marked  the  spot 
where  each  went  down,  so  that  was  the  end  of  Ilud- 
den  and  Dudden. 

*  «  *  * 

Such  was  Corporal  Sullivan's  recital,  the  story 
being  enlivened  by  many  interpolations  which  we 
have  not  seen  fit  to  reproduce.  After  all  was  over, 
the  clerk  Hogan  remarked  :  "  A  very  good  story. 
Corporal,  a  very  good  story  indeed — that  is  to  tell  to 
a  crowd  of  soldiers,  although  it  would  hardly  answer 
to  print  in  a  child's  magazine." 

"  I  know  nothing  about  children's  magazines," 
was  the  answer.  *'  I  have  told  the  history  as  it  was 
told  to  me,  and  have  no  further  care  in  the  matter. 
I  wonder  though,  if  such  adventures  as  these  did 
really  ever  happen  ?" 

"Of  course  they  did,"  was  the  reply  on  the  part 


Guy  Ave  rail.  1S3 

of  the  bard,  who  never  vouchsafed  a  single  smile. 
"There -is  a  certain  air  of  probability  about  the 
the  thing,  which  gives  it  all  the  appearance  of  a  real 
transaction." 

"  There  were  many  strange  things  that  happened 
in  those  old  ancient  times,"  said  the  philosophic  Sulli- 
van, with  a  sigh,  "  although  I  very  much  doubt  tlie 
reality  of  all  that  is  said  concerning  Hudden  and 
Dudden." 

"  Why  so  ?"  asked  Hogan. 

"  Hold  your  whist,  man,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  for 
in  the  first  place  how  could  a  lot  of  live  cattle  live 
under  the  water  ;  and  again  how  could  a  common 
magpie  learn  such  an  elegantly  written  language  as 
the  Latin." 

II. 

The  voyage  to  Florida  was,  on  the  whole,  a 
pleasant  one,  with  little  variety  in  it  beyond  the 
change  from  a  cold,  to  a  more  genial  climate.  Occa- 
sionally, during  the  passage,  might  be  seen  that  most 
majestic  object  at  sea,  a  ship  in  full  sail,  appearing  at 
one  time  as  an  indistinct  patch  on  the  horizon,  and 
later,  as  the  many  winged  cruiser  of  the  deep  that 
she  really  is.  Sometimes  a  column  of  water,  ascend- 
ing into  the  air,  indicated  the  spot  where  a  porpoise 
was  blowing  ;  or  anon,  in  the  immediate  vicinity  of 
the  Peerless,  a  gay  colored  "  Portuguese  man-of-war," 
the  Physalia  arcthusa  of  naturalists,  might  be  ob- 
served, drifting  over  the  surface  of  the  blue  sea,  and 
challenging  many  an  incjuiry,  as  to  its  place  of 
departure,  and  ultimate  destination.  On  the  fifth 
or  sixth  day  after  leaving  New  York,  that  singular 


184  Gtiy  Aver  all. 

curiosity,  the  "  Hole  in  the  Wall  "  became  visible ; 
the  **  Hole "  being  neither  more  nor  less  than  a 
perforation  through  one  of  the  smaller  islands  be- 
longing to  the  Bahamas,  occasioned,  no  doubt,  by 
the  action  of  the  sea  on  the  soft  rock  of  which  the 
group  is  composed.  Then  the  southern  extremity  of 
Florida  was  passed,  a  light-house,  here  and  there 
rising  apparently  out  of  the  water,  marked  the  general 
direction  of  the  long  line  of  reefs  which  extended 
for  fully  a  hundred  miles  into  the  Gulf  of  Mexico. 
At  Tortugas,  the  extreme  point  of  this  reef,  the  vessel 
stopped  for  several  hours,  in  order  to  discharge  some 
stores  intended  for  the  use  of  the  Engineers  at  work 
on  the  fort  just  commenced  at  that  place.  Here  a 
couple  of  residents  belonging  to  the  island  came  on 
board,  and  offered  for  sale  some  of  the  coral  that  is 
found  at  this  place,  along  with  several  samjjles  of  the 
sea-shells  and  other  curiosities  which  abound  in  the 
vicinity.  The  general  appearance  of  these  islands 
was  not  inviting,  indeed  they  are  nothing  but  a 
collection  of  low  beaches  of  sand,  standing  in  the 
midst  of  the  ocean,  and  covered  in  some  places  with 
a  collection  of  bushes,  and  a  few  mangrove  trees, 
here  and  there  on  them.  The  phrenologist,  Petersen, 
however,  being  a  scientific  man,  chose  to  consider 
the  Tortugas  as  very  interesting  spot,  and  mentioned 
among  other  things  that  the  growth  of  coral,  as 
observed  in  these  places,  had  furnished  pretty  accu- 
rate data  for  estimating  the  age  of  the  adjacent  coast 
of  Florida,  a  portion  of  the  country  of  a  very  recent 
origin,  in  a  geological  sense,  but  which,  according  to 
scientific  evidence,  must  nevertheless,  have  been  ever 
so  many  hundreds  of  thousands  of  years  in  forming. 


Guy  Aver  all.  185 

After  disposing  of  her  freight  at  Tortugas,  the  Peer- 
less finally  cleared  for  Tampa  Bay,  distant  one 
hundred  and  fifty  or  two  hundred  miles  from  the 
spot  where  they  now  were,  and  on  the  twelfth  day 
after  leaving  New  York,  she  eventually  reached  her 
destination.  With  some  feelings  of  interest  and  curi- 
osity, such  soldiers  as  had  not  yet  visited  the  South, 
now  examined  the  outline  of  the  country,  which  was 
to  be,  for  several  months,  the  scene  of  their  future 
service.  It  presented  the  features  usually  found  in 
the  Gulf  coast;  a  low  beach  of  white  sand,  just 
above  the  line  of  the  water,  a  blue  sky  and  blue 
waves,  with  interminable  forests  of  the  dark  colored 
pitch  pine  of  the  South  in  the  distance.  On  account 
of  the  shallowness  of  the  water,  the  vessel  could  not 
approach  any  nearer  the  town  than  the  outside  bay. 
From  this  point  a  boat  was  dispatched  to  Tampa, 
with  intelligence  that  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  had 
arrived ;  and  accordingly  in  the  course  of  a  few  hours 
a  lighter  appeai'ed  to  convey  the  troops  on  shore.  All 
got  on  board,  and  the  sails  were  hoisted ;  before  long, 
however,  the  wind  died  away  and  the  schooner  re- 
mained on  the  water  "  as  idle  as  a  painted  ship  upon 
a  painted  ocean."  This  was  vexatious,  for  officers 
and  men  were  alike  tired  of  their  long  imprisonment, 
and  heartily  longed  to  set  their  foot  on  terra  firma 
once  more.  In  the  end,  however,  a  kedge  anchor 
was  dropped  in  a  boat,  carried  some  distance  ahead 
and  then  let  go  ;  when  Guy,  with  some  other  soldiers 
were  sent  to  haul  it  in,  so  that  by  dint  of  lifting  and 
hauling,  and  again  lifting  and  hauling  the  command 
finally  reached  the  shore.  The  troops  were  then 
marched  from  the  wharf  to  their  barracks,  a  set  of 


1 86  Guy  Ave  rail. 

low  buildings  one  story  in  height  with  a  piazza  in  front 
and  rear.  Here  the  men  were  dismissed,  and  imme- 
diately the  work  of  setting  their  house  in  order 
commenced,  muskets  were  cleaned,  rooms  swept, 
wood  procured  for  cooking,  and  provisions  drawn 
from  the  Commissary.  The  quarters  occupied  by  the 
officers  had  also  to  be  "emptied,  swept  and  garnished," 
and  for  this  a  number  of  men  were  specially  sent. 
The  older  soldiers,  who  had  been  in  Florida  before, 
went  through  these  preparations  in  a  half  mechanical 
sort  of  a  way,  as  if  they  had  long  been  acustomed  to 
the  various  incidents  of  campaigning.  As  to  the 
younger  ones,  they  could  not  resist  the  temptation 
as  soon  as  their  quarters  were  cleaned,  of  sallying 
out,  so  as  to  institute  an  examination  into  the  sur- 
roundings of  the  place.  No  life-giving  fountains, 
such  as  were  dreamed  of  by  the  early  discoverers  in 
Florida  were  visible — these  had  all  dried  up — but  to 
the  right,  left,  and  front,  as  far  as  the  neighborhood 
was  examined,  a  weary  waste  of  ftidificrcnt  sandy 
soil  was  visible,  although  in  one  group,  inside  the 
garrison  grounds,  were  a  number  of  those  live  oaks 
which  are  peculiar  to  the  Southern  States,  and  which 
were  covered  over  with  a  drapery  of  that  grey  Spanish 
moss,  characteristic  of  that  part  of  the  country, 
hanging  from  the  branches  of  the  trees  in  long 
bearded-looking  festoons.  The  latitude  of  the  place, 
or  if  we  choose  to  change  the  phrase,  the  mildness  of 
the  climate,  was  sufficiently  indicated  by  the  collec- 
tion of  semi-tropical  plants  and  fruit  trees  which 
■were  congregated  around  the  officers'  quarters.  The 
orange,  lime,  lemon,  cape  jessamine,  banana,  guava, 
crape  myrtle  and  several  varieties  of  camellias  were 


Guy  Averall.  187 

found  here,  or  else  around  some  of  the  better  class 
of   houses  in  the  adjoining  village.     But  the  thing 
which  chiefly  interested  Guy  at  that  epoch  were  some 
specimens  of  the  country  peopje  that  he  saw  ap- 
proaching the  barracks,  long,  tall,  gaunt,  sallow-look- 
ing fellows  these  Florida  "  crackers  "  were  ;  without 
shoes  on  their  feet,  at  this  time,  but  with  immense 
broad  brimmed  straw  hats  on  their  heads,  as  a  sort 
of  equivalent  for  the  former  deficiency.      They  are 
the  same  people,  in  fact,  whom  Edmund  Kirk,  in  his 
book,  "Among  the   Pines"  has   described  with  so 
much  accuracy.     Talk  of  intelligent  and  enlightened 
citizens,  as  people  frequently  do  in  America !     There 
never  was  a  more  inappropriate  term  given  to  any 
set  of  human  beings,  unless  indeed  it  were  applied 
by  way  of   irony.     And  yet  these  men  could  talk 
very  dogmatically  about  their  constitutional  rights, 
as  citizens  ;  and  argue  at  the  same  time  that  a  white 
person,  in  the  Southern  States,  had  a  perfect  right  to 
buy  and  sell  a  negro  !     As  to  that  unfortunate  class 
a  number  of  them  were  seen,  assembled  under  a  shed, 
engaged  in  piling  up  a  quantity  of  corn,  which  was 
intended  for  the  use  of   the  quartermaster  of    the 
Post.     Some  of  the  "  darkies,"  it  was  observed,  had 
profiles  which  strongly  suggested  the  probability  of 
the  Darwinian  hypothesis  ;  one  or  two,  however,  had 
countenances  which  might  have  done  credit  to  many 
a  European.     Guy  spoke  to  one  of  these  Africans, 
whose  face  seemed  to  indicate  more  than  average  in- 
telligence, and  learned  from  him  that  he  was  born  in 
Maryland,  was  subse(iucntly  brought  into  Virginia, 
where  he  married,  was  afterward  separated  from  his 
wife,  and  then  sold  to  a  planter  in  Florida,  who  had 


1 88  Guy  Ave  rail. 

now  hired  him  out  for  tlie  sum  of  twelve  dollars  a 
month  to  the  United  States  government.  There 
was  no  use  of  denying  the  fact,  the  man  spoke  with 
evident  feeling  and  sense,  and  Guy  certainly  thought 
it  curious  that  a  country  which  boasted  of  its  free- 
dom, the  person  before  him  should  be  bought  and 
sold  like  a  chattel. 
Eut — 

Vice  is  a  monster  of  so  frightful  mien, 
That  to  be  hated,  needs  but  to  be  seen  ; 
But  seen  too  oft,  familiar  with  her  face 
We  first  endure,  then  pity,  then  embrace. 

And  in  this  connection,  it  may  be  observed,  that 
some  of  the  greatest  admirers  of  slavery  in  days  gone 
by,  were  to  be  found  among  those  who  were  brought 
up  under  far  different  auspices.  The  fate  of  the 
negro  has  been  a  singular  one  in  America ;  at  one 
time  shamefully  oppressed ;  at  another  successively 
elevated,  he  has  never  had  exact  justice  done  him 
by  either  his  friends  or  his  enemies.  What  the  col- 
ored man  really  wants,  at  present,  in  America,  is 
protection  for  life  and  property  according  to  law, 
as  he  would  haVe  in  any  civilized  country  in  the 
world  with  the  opportunity  of  bettering  his  condition, 
just  as  we  afford  the  same  chance  to  every  white 
emigrant  who  comes  to  our  shores.  And  if  any  cer- 
tain African  shows  himself  to  be  a  capable  and  hon- 
est person  for  a  public  position,  for  heaven's  sake  do 
not  let  the  color  of  his  skin  be  an  obstacle  in  attain- 
ing it.  But  on  the  other  hand  do  not  let  so-called 
**  political  necessities,"  serve  as  an  excuse  for  thrust- 
ing him  into  a  place  for  which  he  has  no  possible 
qualification ;  do  not  let  the  fact  that  all  men  are 


*Guy  Averall.  1S9 

entitled  to  protection  as  citizens  of  the  same  country 
be  confounded  with  the  equally  important  fact  that  the 
art  of  government  is  in  reality  one  of  the  most  diffi- 
cult of  arts ;  and  spite  of  the  universal  suffrage 
which  at  present  obtains  support,  that  no  person 
should  be  allowed  to  dabble  in  politics,  unless  he  has 
some  previous  training,  either  by  education,  habits 
of  life  or  a  converse  with  universal  principles. 

III. 

The  day  after  the  arrival  of  the  Twenty-sixth 
Artillery  at  Tampa,  a  part  of  Guy's  company  was 
sent  out,  as  an  escort,  to  a  train  of  wagons  about  to 
proceed  into  the  interior  of  the  country  ;  and  of  this 
detachment  Blodgett  the  irresistible  was  given  com- 
mand. The  remaining  portion  of  Company  "E" 
was  ordered  to  unload  a  government  transport,  the 
Fashion,  then  running  between  the  coast  of  Florida 
and  New  Orleans  ;  and  as  Guy  Averall  had  already 
established  a  reputation  for  good  natural  bodily 
strength  he  was  elected  for  the  latter  duty.  The  boat 
was  loaded  with  hay,  oats,  and  such  commissary 
stores  as  are  required  for  the  use  of  troops,  so 
that  while  occupied  in  the  way  he  now  was,  our 
friend  had  a  very  good  opportunity  of  developing  his 
muscular  abihty  by  rolling  up  barrels  of  pork,  lifting 
up  bales  of  hay,  slinging  bags  of  grain  over  his 
shoulders,  and  amusing  himself  generally  in  these  and 
various  other  interesting  ways.  Some  persons,  spend- 
ing their  lives  in  academies  and  schools  and  other 
high  places  of  learning,  may  object  that  the  occupa- 
tion of  Averall,  at  this  time,  was  neither  statesman- 
like nor  intellectual.      Alas  !  is  it  not  true,  that  the 


1 9©  Gtty  Averall. 

-world,  at  present,  is  devoured  with  too  much  intel- 
lect ;  and  for  the  hard  manual  labor  of  life  no  one  is 
left  to  perform  its  functions. 

In  the  labor  of  love  in  which  Guy  was  at  present 
engaged,  he  found  a  chum  and  associate  ,  Paddy 
Oakley  by  name,  who  deserves  in  this  connection,  a 
passing  notice.  Patrick  was  by  nature  one  of  the 
most  stupid  men  that  probably  ever  lived ;  big, 
broad^  fat,  and  lazy ;  he  was  the  occasion  of  a  few 
laughs,  and  a  good  many  scoldings,  but  seemed  as 
insensible  to  the  one  as  the  other.  If  Patrick  was 
lifting  a  bundle  of  provisions  or  rolling  a  bale  of 
hay  with  Guy,  and  the  thing  seemed  too  heavy,  the 
fellow  would  instantly  let  it  go  with  a  "be  gorra, 
that  thing  is  too  much  for  mc,"  and  then  the  whole 
weight  would  come  on  Averall.  On  one  occasion  a 
barrel  having  slipped  out  of  his  hand,  and  fallen  on 
Guy's  toes,  the  latter  was  tempted  to  give  his  friend 
Patrick  a  smart  cuff,  by  way  of  requital,  but  the  other 
took  the  affront  so  good  naturedly  that  from  that 
day  henceforth,  Guy  could  never  lay  a  finger  on  the 
offender.  For  all  this  Private  Oakley  paid  him  in 
full,  for  many  and  frequent  were  the  burdens  that 
Guy  was  compelled  to  bear.  On  only  one  emergency 
could  Oakley  be  relied  on  for  doing  his  duty — that 
was  to  say  when  dinner  was  served ;  for  Paddy  was 
always  blessed  with  a  generous  appetite.  On  these 
occasions  Hogan  seemed  to  take  peculiar  delight  in 
teasing  him  ;  for  if  Paddy  seemed  to  be  i)articularly 
engaged  with  the  victuals  before  him,  some  nonsensi- 
cal question  was  sure  to  be  propounded  as  a  means 
of  interrupting  the  Irishman's  satisfaction,  and  then 
the  scowl  that  passed  over  Oakley's  face  gave  sufH- 


Guy  Aver  all.  191 

cient  evidence  of  the  indignation  which  was  felt  by 
that  worthy  individual. 

Before  his  advent  at  Tampa  Bay,  it  is  related, 
that  Oakley  on  one  occasion  had  an  opportunity  of 
bettering  his  condition,  for  the  Doctor  on  Governor's 
Island,  being  in  want  of  a  cook,  saw  fit  to  apply  to 
Sergeant  Heidenrick,  who  promised  to  send  a  "  good, 
useful,  intelligent  man"  to  wait  upon  that  func- 
tionary. Paddy's  appearance  when  he  reported 
to  the  Doctor  was  somewhat  against  him,  so  the 
latter  thought  it  proper  and  right  to  institute 
some  inquiry  as  to  the  attainments  of  his  servant. 
"Have  you  ever  cooked  before,  was  the  ques- 
tion ?" 

"  Best  cook  in  the  Company,  sir,"  said  Oakley 
with  that  modest  assurance  so  acceptable  in  one  of 
his  race. 

"Very  well  that  will  do.  I  have  ordered  some 
lettuce,  to-days,  from  New  York.  Be  careful  how  you 
prepare  it  for  table,  for  at  this  season  of  the  year  I 
consider  it  a  very  great  delicacy." 

Oakley  promised  to  obey,  and  in  due  time  placed 
a  covered  dish  on  the  table.  The  Doctor,  on  sitting 
down,  saw  proper  to  ask  for  his  favorite  vegetable, 
when  Oakley  without  moving  another  muscle,  pointed 
like  a  finger  post  to  a  particular  spot  on  the  board. 
The  Surgeon  in  his  anxiety  removed  the  cover,  and 
there  to  be  sure,  was  the  lettuce,  well  boiled,  with  a 
big  piece  of  pork  stuck  in  its  midst  by  way  of  sea- 
soning. It  is  needless  to  say  that  after  this  proof  of 
his  skill,  the  Doctor  saw  fit  to  dispense  with  the 
services  of  his  subordinate. 

Paddy's   end  was,  on  the  whole,  a  tragical  one, 
13 


192  Guy  Aver  all. 

and  his  fate  ought  to  serve  as  a  warning  to  all  fat 
recruits  when  stationed  in  such  a  place  as  Florida. 
One  day,  when  engaged  in  his  usual  labors  at  the 
wharf,  an  officer  appeared,  bound  for  New  Orleans; 
but  who,  in  the  hurry  of  departure,  seemed  appa- 
rently to  have  forgotten  his  baggage.  "  I  want  some 
of  you  men,"  said  an  old  irascible  martinet.  Major 
Jewett  by  name,  who  was  standing  at  the  time  on 
board  the  Fashion,  "  I  want  some  of  you  men  to 
run  up  to  Lieutenant  Brown's  quarters,  and  bring 
down  his  carpet-bag."  No  one  appeared  immedi- 
ately to  attend  to  the  summons,  so  in  the  end  Oakley 
was  singled  out,  and  told  to  start  for  the  missing 
article  without  delay. 

"  Run,  sir,  run,"  shouted  old  Jewett,  "  and  don't 
keep  the  boat  waiting  here  all  morning.  If  you 
don't  move  those  big,  lazy  legs  of  yours,  sir,  Fll  let 
you  feel  the  weight  of  this  stick  before  you  are  many 
minutes  older." 

The  threat  thus  enunciated  proved  suflicient  to 
stir  up  Paddy.  Away  he  went  on  what  is  known  as 
a  jog  trot,  and  after  a  reasonable  delay  he  re- 
appeared with  iln  old  grain-bag,  suspended  between 
his  thumb  and  forefinger. 

What  is  that  you  have  got,  you  thundering 
scoundrel  ?"  again  shouted  Jewett  at  the  top  of  his 
voice. 

"  The  bag  sir — the  Liftinant's  bag,  just  as  you 
told  me,"  responded  Paddy,  to  whose  mind  a  bag  for 
clothing  and  a  sack  for  grain  were  evidently  one  and 
the  same  article. 

"  You  thundering  rascal,  go  back,"  roared  out 
the  Major.  "Ask  my  servant  for  Lieutenant  Brown's 


Guy  Averall.  193 

carpet-bag,  and  hurry  back,  or  I'll  break  every  bone 
in  your  body." 

Oakley  once  more  hurried  off,  and  in  due  time 
appeared  with  the  intended  article  in  his  hand — 
doubtless  the  servant  at  Major  Jewett's  quarters  had 
handed  it  to  him,  and  thus  prevented  any  further 
mistakes.  But  the  race  and  the  excitement,  and  the 
scolding  of  the  irritable  old  Major  on  that  eventful 
day,  proved  too  much  for  poor  Patrick.  "  Oakley," 
said  Ilogan,  as  he  surveyed  his  comrade  with  a  half- 
comical  smile,  "I  have  seen  you  do  a  thing  to-day 
that  I  never  supposed  you  capable  of  accomplish- 
ing, that  is  to  run,  but  mark  my  words,  that  race  for 
the  carpet-sack  will  yet  be  the  cause  of  your  death." 
These  words,  although  uttered  in  jest,  proved  pro- 
phetical, for  the  very  next  day  Oakley  complained 
of  a  headache  and  wervt  to  the  Hospital.  The  head- 
ache finally  developed  into  a  fever,  and  in  spite  of 
all  the  care  of  a  nurse  and  the  skill  of  a  physician, 
^  the  poor  fellow  got  worse  and  worse,  till  in  the  long 
run  he  was  forced  to  succumb.  lie  died  in  the 
Hospital,  was  carried  out  of  it  and  buried  in  the 
little  graveyard  belonging  to  the  Military  Post  at 
Tami^a.  So  that  was  the  end  of  Private  Patrick 
Oakley. 


194  G'^y  Avcrall. 

IV. 
In  the  same  graveyard,  at  a  short  distance  from 
the  spot  where  the  worthy  Irishman  is  interred,  is  a 
plain  slab,  on  which  appears  the  following  inscription  : 


t 


SACRED 

TO   THE   MEMORY 

OK 

LIEUT.    LUCIUS    O'BRIEN, 

of  the  8th  Reg't,  U.  S.  Infy, 

who  died  at  Tampa  Bay,  Fla., 

7th  Jan'y,    l34i, 

aged  37  years. 

— o — 

Rtquiescat  in  pacf. 

Erected  by  his  brother  ofEcers. 

This  simple  monument  deserves  more  than  a 
passing  notice,  for  under  it  lies  buried  the  author  of 
tliat  song,  which 'api^eals  so  kindly  to  the  American 
soldier's  heart : 

Come  fill  your  glasses,  fellows,  and  stand  up  in  a  row, 
To  singing  sentimentally,  we're  going  for  to  go, 
In  the  Army  there's  sobriety,  promotion's  very  slow, 
So  we'll  join  in  reminiscences  of  Benny  Haven's  oh  ! 

Oh  Benny  Haven's  oh  !  Oh  Benny  Haven's  oh  ! 

So  we'll  join  in  reminescences  of  Benny  Haven's  oh  ! 

O'Brien,  a  native  of  Baltimore,  was  educated  as 
a  Surgeon,  and  served  in  that  capacity  in  the  Army 
for  some  time,  but,  afterwards  resigned,  and  was  sub- 


Guy  Avcrall.  195 

sequently  appointed  a  Lieutenant  in  that  Regiment 
where  he  died.  Tradition  informs  us  that  while 
sharing  a  soldier's  weakness,  he  was  a  great  favorite 
in  his  Regiment,  and  as  a  consequence  a  supple- 
mentary stanza  of  the  song  is  dedicated  to  his  memory . 

From  the  courts  of  death  and  danger,  from  Tampa's  deadly  shore. 

Comes  up  a  wail  of  manly  grief,  O'Brien  is  no  more  ! 

In  the  land  of  sun  and  flowers,  his  head  is  pillowed  low, 

No  more  he'll  sing  "  petite  coquille  "  or  '*  Benny  Haven's  oh  !" 

"Well,  peace  to  his  ashes  !  there  have  been  greater 
names  and  persons  of  more  exalted  rank  in  the 
service,  but  none  appeals  more  tenderly  to  the  feel- 
ings of  the  Army,  than  does  the  author  of  Benny 
Haven's. 

In  some  four  or  five  weeks  after  the  arrival  of  the 
Twenty-Sixth  Artillery  in  Florida,  that  excellent 
gentleman  and  scholar.  Private  Timothy  Ryan,  made 
his  appearance,  and  as  some  compensation  for  the 
indignities  he  had  suffered  while  under  the  civil 
authorities  in  New  York,  he  was  promoted  to  the 
position  of  Corporal.  To  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy  was 
given  the  credit  of  this  movement,  but  be  the  fact  as 
it  may,  the  Corporal  assumed  his  new  fledged  honor 
with  sufficient  ostentation  ;  indeed  he  contrived  to 
pick  up  a  quarrel  with  Averall  the  very  morning  after 
he  put  on  his  stripes,  the  question  in  dispute  being 
the  right  of  ownership  in  a  set  of  belts,  which  Guy 
had  cleaned  and  pipeclayed  with  the  utmost  care. 
After  a  few  thrusts  and  parries  on  either  side,  by  way 
of  logical  discussion,  the  Corporal  saw  fit  to  adopt 
the  knock-down  argument — that  is  to  say  he  briefly 
informed  his  opponent  that  if  he  did  not  cease  talk- 


196  Guy  Ave  rail. 

ing  and  "  spaikin  "  in  the  way  he  was  now  doing,  he 
the  Corporal,  would  be  obliged  to  "level  him."  A9 
Guy  did  not  consider  the  matter  at  issue  of  sufficient 
importance  to  bring  before  his  commanding  officer, 
he  was  obliged  to  surrender  the  set  of  equipment! 
which  he  thought  were  undoubtedly  his  own ;  and, 
in  order  to  avoid  any  further  difficulty  with  a  man 
whom  he  inwardly  despised,  he  ceased  all  attempts  at 
argument,  and  quietly  subsided.  But  Averall,  as  the 
event  proved,  was  not  entirely  without  friends,  for 
Hogan  immediately  took  up  his  case,  and  with  some 
of  that  light  banter,  of  which  he  was  master,  soon 
contrived  to  turn  the  tables  on  the  non-commissioned 
officer.  "  "What  a  wild-mannered  youth  you  are 
Corporal,  and  what  a  placid  method  you  have  of 
enforcing  your  rights.  Plow  many  miles  of  bog  are 
there  between  your  family  estate,  and  the  nearest 
horse  fair  in  Ireland.''"  A  few  thrusts  like  this  pro- 
duced the  desired  effect,  and  off  the  Corporal  started 
at  a  tangent.  "  Oh  I  see  very  well  how  you  are  all 
here — in  a  regular  combination  to  abuse  and  brow- 
beat every  poor  dissolute  stranger  who  does  not  hap- 
pen to  plaise  yoli.  The  sorra  such  a  Company  as 
this  in  the  United  States  service."  But  as  Ryan's 
protestations  were  not  accompanied  with  any  overt 
act,  he  was  allowed  to  talk  for  a  while,  and  then 
ceased  grumbling. 

After  some  time,  the  detatchment  of  men  under 
the  command  of  Lieutenant  Blodgett  having  returned 
to  Fort  Brooke,  it  was  determined  to  send  three 
companies  of  the  Regiment  down  the  coast  to  the 
Caloosahatchie  River,  so  as  to  establish  a  new  post 
in  the  Indian  country.     Orders  to  that  effect  were 


I 


Guy  Aver  all.  197 

accordingly  issued  ;  and  the  troops  designated  were 
directed  to  take  passage  on  the  Fashion,  and  proceed 
to  the  southern  part  of  the  peninsular.  The  old 
scene  of  shifting  quarters  was  now  repeated,  blankets 
were  folded,  knapsacks  packed,  and  a  supply  of  fat 
pork  and  biscuit  was  thrust  into  each  man's  knap- 
sack. Finally  the  command  was  on  the  way  to  its 
ultimate  destination. 

The  coast  of  Florida,  south  of  Tampa  Bay,  pre- 
sents the  same  general  outline  as  that  portion  already 
described.  The  climate  still  seemed  genial ;  the  sky 
and  water  were  still  blue,  the  land  flat,  the  lead  was 
kept  constantly  going  from  the  bow  of  the  boat  lest 
she  should  run  aground.  Sometimes,  towards  the 
shore,  a  few  turkey  buzzards  could  be  seen,  circling 
around  and  around  in  the  air,  or  perhaps  keeping 
watch  and  ward  over  a  fallen  carcass  from  the  top 
branches  of  an  old  blasted  pine.  Sometimes  the  sea 
seemed  full  of  medusae,  which  kept  moving  back- 
ward and  forward  through  the  water  with  the  curious 
Iconvulsive  motion  characteristic  of  that  group  of 
animals  ;  anon  the  boat  passed  over  a  bottom  cov- 
ered apparently  with  sponges,  for  in  this  particular 
part  of  the  Gulf  of  Mexico  our  chief  supply  of  these 
animals  is  obtained.  Here  and  there,  when  the 
waters  appeared  brackish,  could  be  seen  a  long  life- 
less looking  object,  stretched  on  the  shore  ;  this  was 
an  alligator,  taking  his  ease,  in  the  sun,  unconscious 
apparently  of  every  thing  that  was  going  on  around 
him.  Finally  the  site  of  the  new  post  was  reached, 
the  troops  went  ashore,  hunted  up  a  spring  of  some- 
what indifferent  water  that  was  known  to  exist  in 
the  vicinity  ;  cleared  a  spot  of  ground  a  few  rods  in 


198  Guy  Aver  all. 

extent,  landed  some  supplies,  and  then  slept  on  their 
arms  during  the  night.  Next  morning,  work  was 
resumed,  a  further  piece  of  ground  was  cleared  of 
its  undergrowth  of  stunted  palmetto  and  cacti,  the 
remaining  part  of  the  stores  belonging  to  the  com- 
mand were  landed,  and  after  this  was  effected,  the 
Fashion  again  took  her  departure  for  New  Orleans. 
A  tent  for  the  officers  was  now  put  up,  and  the  men, 
after  their  days'  work  was  over,  amused  themselves 
in  various  ways,  telling  stories,  singing  songs,  and 
manufacturing  witticisms  chiefly  of  a  broadly  comic 
nature,  till  the  call  for  tattoo  was  beaten.  A  guard 
had  meanwhile  been  selected  and  a  cordon  of  sen- 
tinels was  established  at  some  distance  from  the 
camp,  with  orders  to  be  particularly  vigilant  during 
the  night,  lest  the  Redskins  should  attack  the  cam- 
mand,  Indians,  however,  rarely  attack  when  troops 
are  vigilant,  and  in  the  present  instance  every  thing 
remained  quiet  on  the  Caloosahatchie  till  morning. 

For  the  next  three  months  the  command  was 
about  equally  divided — one  half  of  it  was  regularly 
employed  on  Guard  duty,  and  to  the  remainder  was 
assigned  the  erection  of  such  buildings  as  are  neces- 
sary to  constitute  a  military  post.  Logs  had  to  be 
cut,  shingles  made,  and  houses  put  up,  while  the 
ground,  for  a  certain  distance  around  the  camp,  was 
cleared  of  the  usual  growth  of  chapparal.  As  to  the 
rest,  the  situation  of  the  soldiers  at  Fort  Myers,  in 
many  respects,  was  not  an  unpleasant  one,  for  the 
weather  during  the  winter  months,  except  when  a 
"norther  "set  in,  was  remarkably  fine  ;  while  game 
was  plentiful  in  the  woods,  and  the  fish  in  the  river 
was  also  quite  abundant.     The   great  drawback  to 


Guy  Aver  all.  199 

the  place  was  the  want  of  good  water,  and  as  the 
season  advanced,  the  sand-fleas  and  mosquitoes  be- 
came almost  unendurable. 

'  V. 

Books  at  this  time,  of  course,  were  out  of  the 
question  ;  but  as  an  offset,  it  may  be  mentioned  that 
during  that  period,  Averall's  friend,  Moldwell,  took 
considerable  interest  in  him ;  and  in  their  rambles 
here  and  there,  when  not  employed  in  any  particular 
duty,  our  young  friend  received  a  good  many  very 
valuable  hints  from  the  Scot.  The  history  of  Mold- 
well  may  be  briefly  told.  When  young  he  had  fol- 
lowed the  occupation  of  weaver  in  Glasgow,  but  in 
a  season  of  commercial  distress  he  had  enlisted  as  a 
soldier  in  the  English  Army,  served  some  time  in 
India,  and  afterwards  emigrated  to  the  United  States. 
Here  he  had  put  in  three  successive  enlistments,  of 
five  years  each,  and  although  now  close  on  the  age 
of  fifty,  he  still  seemed  willing  to  devote  himself  as 
food  for  powder.  But  the  creditable  thing  about 
Moldwell  was  this,  that  whatever  leisure  time  he  had 
was  devoted  to  mental  improvement ;  and  hence  he 
furnished  an  excellent  example  of  the  well  conducted 
soldier,  such  as  we  occasionally  find  among  the  en- 
listed men  of  the  Army.  And  let  no  one  say  that 
the  account  which  we  give  of  the  Scot  is  an  exagger- 
ated one  ;  for  knowledge,  in  this  age  of  the  world, 
cannot  by  any  possibility  be  a  sealed  book.  Indeed, 
as  far  as  mental  discipline  is  concerned,  Private 
Moldwell  had  all  the  characteristics  that  a  liberal 
training  could  give.  Seated  in  his  barrack  room,  a 
book  was  constantly  in  his  hand,  and  in  this  way  he 


200  Guy  Averall. 

had  gained  a  very  capable  knowledge  of  the  literature 
of  his  own  country.  Such  compositions  as  the  Para- 
dise Lost  of  Milton,  the  poems  of  his  countryman, 
Bums,  or  that  marvellous  concentration  of  wit,  wis- 
dom, and  sense,  the  Essays  of  Bacon,  were  all 
dilligently  studied  by  him,  and  as  a  consequence  his 
mind  and  heart  was  fully  imbued  with  their  ideas 
and  sentiments.  With  one  foreign  language,  in  addi- 
tion, he  was  so  familiar  as  to  read  it  with  tolerable 
ease  ;  and  was  thus  enabled  to  compare  the  habits  of 
thought  most  prevalent  in  another  country  with  these 
which  were  current  in  his  own.  Indeed  the  only 
defect  that  was  observable  in  Moldwell's  character 
was  this,  that  he  had  not  that  enviable  knack  of 
money-making,  which  is  at  present  a  prime  refjuisite 
in  modern  life  ;  and  although  the  man  could  discuss 
questions  of  morals  and  metaphysics  at  length,  yet 
in  mere  pecuniary  matters,  he  was  almost  as  unsophis- 
ticated as  a  child.  Yes,  and  what  was  still  worse, 
there  was  not  the  slightest  likelihood  that,  in  this 
direction,  there  would  be  any  marked  improvement 
for  the  better. 

One  day,  the  two  friends  were  rambling  together 
through  the  woods,  when  Guy  Averall  seemed  some- 
what inclined  to  indulge  in  pitiful  complaints,  "  I 
know,"  said  he, "  that  in  certain  directions  I  am  pro- 
gressing, for  in  all  the  labors  necessary  to  the  public 
service  at  Fort  Myers,  I  bear  an  honorable,  if  not  a 
very  distinguished  part.  I  handle  a  musket,  I  now 
and  then  pull  an  oar,  I  help  to  unload  a  steamboat, 
engage  in  carrying  logs,  or  perchance,  undertake  a 
rough  job  of  carpentry,  in  the  way  that  any  well- 
disposed  and  able-bodied  soldier  is  supposed  to  do. 


Guy  Aver  all.  201 

All  ibis,  no  doubt,  is  very  well,  and  I  am  only  glad 
that  I  am  able  to  acquit  myself  so  creditably.  And 
yet,  I  candidly  confess,  I  think  I  have  some  cause 
for  discontent.  There  is  that  brute,  Ryan,  whom  I 
inwardly  despise,  and  whom  I  certainly  think  is  in- 
ferior to  me,  in  many  respects,  both  as  a  man  and  a 
soldier.  And  yet  for  some  reason  or  other  he  is 
selected  as  a  functionary  in  the  command  to  which  I 
belong,  and  I  must  submit  to  him  as  if  he  were  a 
demigod.  I  really  believe  it  is  a  matter  of  principle 
with  him  to  annoy  me  in  every  possible  v.-ay;  for  if 
there  is  a  dirty,  disagreeable  job  of  work  to  be  per- 
formed round  the  quarters,  I  am  sure  to  be  the  one 
that  is  selected  for  that  purpose.  How  does  it  happen, 
in  many  cases,  the  greatest  bullies  and  scoundrels  in 
a  company  are  chosen  as  non-commissioned  officers 
in  it }  That  is  a  point  that  I  do  not  very  well  under- 
stand. There  are  Petersen,  Hogan  and  some  others 
— all  of  them  respectable,  well  educated  soldiers,  and 
yet  they  have  never  been  advanced  beyond  the  grade 
of  private,  while  Ryan,  who  can  scarcely  spell  his 
name,  is  placed  before  them  all.  Oh  !  if  our  friend 
and  protector,  the  gallant  Brigadier,  would  only  study 
the  welfare  of  those  *  dear  children,'  of  whom  she 
seems  so  very,  very  fond,  how  comfortable  she  might 
make  us  all !  How  easy  it  would  be  to  keep  those 
double  fisted  gentlemen  in  their  proper  place,  that  is 
to  say  as  her  body  servants,  while  some  worthy  and 
respectable  man,  such  as  one  of  those  whom  I  have 
named,  would  fill  the  place  which  they  at  present 
occupy." 

These    reflections,  querulous    though    they  may 
seem,  were  nevertheless  perfectly  natural  to  a  young 


202  Guy  Aver  all. 

soldier,  situated  as  Guy  was,  he  was  nevertlieless 
disabused  of  these  prepossessions  to  a  very  consid- 
erable extent  by  the  Scotchman,  who  chose  to  act  as 
mentor  on  the  occasion.  "  My  dear  sir,"  responded 
Moldwell,  after  Guy  had  finished  his  story,  "  you 
form  a  very  wrong  conception  of  the  position  and 
occupation  of  the  soldier  in  an  army.  A  man  does 
not  join  the  service  for  the  purpose  of  teaching 
geometry,  or  studying  ethics,  or  attempting  the  quad- 
rature of  the  circle,  nor  is  he  valued  on  account  of 
possessing  all  these  qualities.  On  the  contrar)^,  the 
understanding  in  our  army  is,  that  a  good  deal  of 
severe  laborious  work  must  be  done  ;  and  some  duty 
of  a  sufficiently  unpleasant  nature  must  be  per- 
formed. With  the  troops  on  the  frontier  this  is  par- 
ticularly the  case  ;  for  barracks  must  be  built,  roads 
must  be  made,  and  in  many  cases  supply  trains,  and 
surveying  parties  must  be  guarded.  Now  in  super- 
intending such  labor  as  this,  it  frequently  happens 
that  a  man  of  inferior  calibre,  but  with  a  certain 
amount  of  brute  courage,  is  really  a  more  effective 
person  than  one  of  more  mental  attainments.  The 
consequence  is,  that  in  our  army,  at  least,  the  man 
of  education  frequently  remains  a  private  ;  or  at 
best  is  transformed  into  a  clerk  at  Regimental  or 
Department  Headquarters  ;  while  some  robustious 
periwig-pated  fellow,  such  as  some  of  our  non-com- 
missioned officers  now  are,  enjoy  such  rank  and 
position  as  the  Army  affords  them." 

"  What  you  say,",responded  Guy,  "  in  all  proba- 
bility is  true,  and  yet  this  state  of  things  does  not 
render  the  service  a  very  comfortable  place  for  those 
who  are  very  sensitive  about  their  present  dignity. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  203 

when  subjected  to  the  dictates  of  men  who  in  essen- 
tial matters  may  be  decidedly  their  inferiors." 

"  Then  the  remedy  is,"  said  Moldwell,  "  not  to 
afford  such  persons  the  opportunity  to  bully  or  to 
sneer  at  you.  Nothing  however  is  gained  by  attempt- 
ing a  discussion  with  a  mere  animal ;  let  him  exhibit 
his  ignorance  and  prejudice  as  he  may,  you  should 
never  make  any  effort  to  reason  with  him,  or  ten  to 
one  the  thing  will  end  in  some  attempt  at  violence 
on  the  part  of  your  antagonist.  The  best  thing 
that  can  be  done  with  such  men  as  Lawless  and 
Ryan  is  to  obey  them  in  official  matters,  and  outside 
of  that  to  let  them  severely  alone.  Read  Mrs.  Bar- 
bauld's  little  essay  on  Inconsistent  Expectations — it 
contains  a  whole  world  of  wisdom,  which  is  applica- 
ble to  all  conditions  of  men.  Even  under  all  possi- 
ble disadvantages,  there  any  many  things  well  worth 
your  attention  in  the  Army.  There  are  books  to 
read,  facts  to  be  learned  by  observation,  and  that 
general  communication  with  external  nature  to  be 
kept  up  which  every  man  who  is  not  a  mere  clod, 
must  have  enjoyed  and  experienced.  In  short,  situ- 
ated as  we  are,  midst  these  pine  woods  and  green 
palmetto  trees  in  the  Southern  extremity  of  Florida, 
I  cannot  do  better  than  repeat  the  advice  once 
given  by  Polonius. 

Give  thy  thoughts  no  tongue, 
Nor  any  unproportion  thought  its  act  ; 
Be  thou  familiar,  but  by  no  means  vulgar. 
The  friends  thou  hast,  and  their  adoption  tried, 
Grapple  them  to  thy  soul  with  hooks  of  steel 
But  do  not  dull  thy  palm  with  entertainment 
Willi  each  new  hatched,  unfledged  comrade.   Beware 


2  ©4  Guy  Ave  rail. 

Of  entrance  to  a  quarrel  ;  but  being  in 
Bear  it  that  the  opposer  may  beware  of  them. 
Neither  a  borrower  nor  a  lender  be  ; 
For  a  loan  oft  loses  both  itself  and  friend, 
And  borrowing  dulls  the  edge  of  husbandry. 
This  above  all— To  thine  own  self  be  true. 
And  it  must  follow,  as  the  night  the  day. 
Thou  canst  not  then  be  false  to  any  man. 

"  A  very  pretty  quotation  truly,"  replied  Guy, 
"but  at  present  I'm  so  much  disgusted  with  the 
service  that  I  would  prefer  a  clean  discharge  from 
it,  to  all  the  wise  saws  in  existence.  Still  one  thing  I 
will  never  do.  I  will  never  desert  my  colors,  even  if 
every  other  soldier  in  the  Company  were  a  Ryan. 
But  already  I  hear  the  beat  of  the  drum,  so  let  us 
return  to  our  encampment." 

VI. 

A  FEW  days  after,  the  two  friends  were  enjoying 
a  peripatetic  ramble  together,  when  the  name  of  the 
American  poet,  Edgar  A.  Poe.  was  mentioned. 

"  An  undoubted  genius,"  said  Guy,  "  that  poem 
of  the  Raven,  vhich  I  read  when  on  Governor's 
Island,  impresses  itself  indelibly  on  the  memory. 
And  yet,  if  I  understand  the  case  aright,  Edgar  A. 
Poe,  who  was  sent  in  early  life  to  the  Military 
Academy  at  West  Point,  failed  to  graduate  there ; 
indeed  he  was  found  "  deficient,"  as  the  phrase  goes, 
the  first  semi-annual  examination  to  which  he  was 
subjected,  and  as  a  consequence  was  dismissed  from 
the  institution." 

"  True,"  said  Moldwell  in  reply,  "  and  yet  of  those 
who  had  Poe  in  charge,  I  doubt  if  there  was  one  who 
could   compose   the    Raven ;    or    produce  anything 


Guy  Aver  all.  205 

approaching  the  grace  evinced  in  the  well-known  lines  : 

Helen  they  beauty  is  to  me, 

Like  those  Nicean  barks  of  yore. 
That  {rently,  o'er  a  perfumed  sea. 

The  weary,  way-worn  traveller  bore 

To  his  own  native  shore. 

On  desperate  seas,  long  wont  to  roam 
Thy  hyacinth  hair,  thy  classic  face. 

Thy  Naiad  airs,  have  brought  me  home. 
To  the  glory  that  was  Greece, 
And  the  grandeur  that  was  Rome. 

Lo  !  in  yon  brilliant  window-niche. 

How  statue  like,  I  see  thee  stand  ! 

The  agate  lamp  within  thy  hand  ! 

Ah,  Psyche,  from  the  regions  which. 
Are  Holy  Land  ! 

It  has  been  said  of  these  verses  that  nothing  could 
be  more  dainty,  airy,  amber-like  than  them  ;  in  point 
of  fact  they  are  Horatian.  We  are  told  that  these 
verses  were  written  when  Poe  was  only  fourteen  ;  but 
we  must  either  reject  the  statement,  or  reconcile  our- 
selves to  a  miracle.  In  delicacy,  exquisitcness  and 
pathos  the  poem  is  unmatched  by  any  of  his  later 
compositions.  And  yet,  it  seems  from  the  fact  of 
Poe*s  dismissal  from  the  Academy,  that  he  either 
could  not,  or  would  not  master  the  very  elementary 
matter,  that  is  taught  there  during  the  first  year  of 
the  student's  course." 

"  And  yet  many  an  inferior  person  has  accom- 
plished this  task,"  remarked  Guy. 

"All  of  which  goes  to  show,  in  spite  of  some 
di  :ta  to  the  contrary,  that  the  poetic  and  technic 
powLis  are  essentially   different,"  responded  Mold- 


2o6  Guy  Averall. 

well.  "  The  former  may  be  the  more  brilliant 
quality  ;  but  for  very  good  reasons,  the  military 
authorities  prefer  the  latter.  Poe  could  write  verses 
whose  finish  is  almost  unapproachable,  and  yet  he 
could  not  master  the  prescribed  course  at  the  Military 
Academy,  and  therefore  he  was  very  properly  dis- 
missed fiom  it  " 

"  An  aberration  of  geniu?,  an  evident  aberration  of 
genius,"  exclaimed  Guy.  "And  yet  this  unfortunate 
aspirant  for  military  honors  afterwards  composed  the 
the  Gold  Bug,  and  the  Murder  in  the  Rue  Morgue." 

"  He  did,"  replied  the  other  speaker,  "  nevertheless 
I  must  candidly  acknowledge  that  on  the  whole  the 
ultimate  proficiencies  of  Poe  as  a  literary  man  hardly 
corresponded  with  the  expectations  we  naturally  form 
from  the  ability  he  displayed  in  early  life.  One  thing 
we  must  never  forget,  that  to  be  great  in  either  art, 
literature  or  science,  a  capacity  for  labor  is  one  of 
the  essential  requisites.  Shakspeare,  Goethe  and 
Voltaire  ;  Titian,  Rubens  and  Michael  Angelo  ;  New- 
ton, Cuvier,  and  Herschel  ;  were  all  as  much  cele- 
brated for  their  application  to  work  as  for  their 
transcendent  ability.  Now  the  objection  to  such 
men  as  Poe  is  this,  that  let  their  capacity  be  ever  so 
great,  they  are  by  nature  too  dissipated  and  reckless 
to  apply  themselves  steadily  in  any  one  direction, 
Poe's  life  was  a  singularly  irregular  one,  his  history 
being  given  in  a  biography  to  which  I  need  not  par- 
ticularly advert.  He  was  bom  in  Baltimore  in  the 
year  i8i  i.  His  father  and  mother  died  while  he  was 
a  child,  and  the  future  writer  was  afterwards  adopted 
by  a  Mr.  Allan,  a  rich  merchant  who  had  no  children 
of  his  own.    In  1816  the  little  Edgar  came  to  England, 


Guy  Ave  rail.  207 

with  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Allan,  and  was  sent  to  school 
there.  Some  five  or  six  years  afterwards  he  returned 
to  America,  and  attended  an  academy  at  Richmond  ; 
from  which  he  was,  in  due  time,  transferred  to  the 
University  of  Virginia.  His  talent  from  the  first  was 
conspicuous,  but  unhappily  he  developed  along  with 
it,  and  continued  throughout  life  to  exhibit  a  profli- 
gacy, almost  without  a  parallel  in  the  degradations  of 
genius.  Expelled  from  College  on  account  of  his 
whims,  he  returned  to  Mr.  Allan,  with  whom  he 
frequently  quarreled  on  account  of  that  gentleman's 
reluctance  to  become  responsible  for  his  debts. 
Quitting  the  home  of  his  benefactor,  he  started  for 
Greece,  in  foolish  parody  of  Lord  Byron,  to  take 
part  in  the  war  of  Independence  against  the  Turks. 
Greece  he  did  not  reach,  but  we  find  him  turning  up 
at  St.  Petersburgh,  drunk  and  disorderly  as  usual, 
and  becoming  the  tenant  of  a  police  cell.  The  min- 
ister of  the  United  States  interested  himself  to  pro- 
cure his  release,  and  send  him  back  to  i\merica.  By 
the  good  Mr.  Allan  the  returning  prodigal  was  wel- 
comed, and  on  his  expressing  a  wish  to  follow  the 
profession  of  arms,  an  appointment  was  secured  for 
him  as  a  cadet.  After  his  dismissal  from  West  Point, 
he  once  more  had  recourse  to  Mr.  Allen  ;  but  rumor 
asserts  that  he  forfeited  the  good  will  of  his  bene- 
factor in  a  way  which  we  hope,  even  for  the  sake  of 
Poe's  reputation,  is  not  authentic.  But  this  we  know 
for  certain,  that  Mr.  Allan  ejected  Poe  in  a  summary 
manner  from  his  house,  and  would  never  afterwards 
hold  any  communication  with  him.  Cast  on  his  own 
resources,  Poe  now  took  the  same  step  that  you  and 
I  once  did,  that  is  to  say  he  enlisted  as  a  private 


2o8  Guy  AvcralL 

soldier,  but  some  friends  recognizing  him  in  this 
position,  busied  themselves  to  procure  his  discharge. 
Shortly  after  this  he  began  to  contribute  regularly  to 
the  periodicals,  for  which  he  wrote  in  his  drunken, 
desultory  way,  poems,  tales,  criticisms  and  so  forth. 
His  brilliant  and  known  ability  readily  procured  him 
employment ;  and  his  frantic  habits  of  dissipation, 
on  the  other  hand,  insured  his  early  and  ignominious 
dismissal.  He  now  married  a  cousin  of  his  own,  but 
she  shortly  afterwards  died,  broken-hearted,  it  is 
supposed  by  the  course  which  her  husband  led.  A 
feeble  attempt  at  teetotalism  which  Poe  ultimately 
made  was  indirectly  the  cause  of  his  death.  He 
joined  a  temperance  society,  and  was  for  some 
months  actually  sober,  but  chancing  to  pass  through 
Baltimore,  he  was  waylaid  by  some  ancient  cronies, 
and  on  the  morning  afterwards  he  was  found  as  usual, 
lying  in  a  gutter,  from  which  he  was  carried  after- 
wards to  an  hospital,  where  he  died.  Such  was  the 
end  of  this  erratic  nondescript." 

"A  somewhat  strange  story,"  remarked  Guy,  "As 
far  as  I  myself  am  concerned,  I  am  thankful,  never- 
theless for  one  thing." 

"  What  is  that  pray  1 "  asked  Moldwell. 

"Why  simply  this,"  was  the  answer,  "that  even 
admitting  Mr.  Spruce  and  Taper  have  their  youth- 
ful follies;  that  United  States  officers  as  a  general 
thing  are  more  regular  in  their  habits  than  Edgar  A. 
Poe  was. 

"  The  mere  fact  that  Lieutenants  Spruce  and 
Taper  are  graduates  of  the  Military  Academy,"  re- 
sponded Moldwell,  "  is  of  itself  a  sufficient  guarantee 
that  th:y  both  are  reasonably  well  conducted  men  ; 


Guy  Aver  all.  209 

for,  let  us  criticize  as  we  may,  common  honesty  com- 
pels us  to  acknowledge  that  most  of  the  West  Point 
officers  are  of  that  class.  And  this  in  my  opinion  is 
the  great  recommendation  of  our  national  school. 
The  course  of  instruction  there  may  be  somewhat 
narrow  ;  and  a  few  of  the  graduates  of  West  Point, 
I  am  sorry  to  say,  do  not  seem  to  readily  surmount 
the  narrow  notions  which  they  there  imbibe,  but  this 
we  all  must  admit,  that  it  is  impossible  to  pass  the 
scrutiny  of  the  instructors  there  unless  the  graduate 
be  possessed  of  fair  technical  abilities  ;  and  is  willing 
in  addition  to  submit  to  the  restraints  of  Army  dis- 
cipline. I  only  wish  we  had  a  military  academy  for 
the  other  side  of  the  house." 

"  What  do  you  mean  .'  "  asked  Guy, 

"  I  mean  for  the  ladies,"  responded  Moldwell. 
"  If  we  only  had  a  Military  Academy  to  bring  these 
wives  of  Army  officers  under  proper  discipline.  I 
think  it  would  be  much  better  for  us  all." 

"  You  surely  jest,"  said  Guy. 

"  I  don't  jest  at  all,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "  I  con- 
sider some  of  these  feminine  followers  of  Bellona,  as 
simply  horrid,  and  among  the  rest,  I  think  our  good 
friend  Mrs.  Daisy  is  one  of  the  worst  I  ever  met. 
Among  other  things  the  way  she  tyrannizes  over  that 
girl.  Miss  Davis,  who  is  living  with  her,  is  simply 
atrocious.  We  all  had  a  sample  of  the  P>rigadier's 
spirit,  the  very  evening  before  she  had  that  fool 
Chapeau  Bras  at  the  Hospital  on  Governor's  Island. 
Every  one  was  intent  on  making  preparations  for  the 
event,  and  as  the  night  was  somewhat  unpleasant, 
Mrs.  Daisy  chose  to  order  out  the  cart  and  the 
Quartermaster's  old  horse,  so  as  to  reach  the  scene 


2IO  Guy  Ave  rail. 

of  her  labors  at  the  Hospital.  Afterwards,  while 
engaged  in  giving  directions  about  decorating  the 
room,  the  Brigadier  was  as  lovely  and  amiable  as 
usual ;  but  on  a  sudden  she  seemed  to  take  offence 
at  some  trifling  thing  which  Miss  Eleanor  had  cither 
said  or  done.  Well,  sir,  do  you  know  how  she  chose 
to  show  her  lady-like  temper  ?  Why  simply  by  order- 
ing back  the  vehicle  in  which  she  had  come  !  She 
gOt  into  the  cart,  rode  back  to  her  own  quarters, 
directed  the  horse  to  be  put  up  "  lest  the  poor  dear 
child  should  catch  a  cold,"  and  as  a  consequence 
her  niece  had  to  trudge  back  to  her  quarters,  though 
sleet  and  snow,  without  as  much  as  an  ordinary 
escort !  Is  it  a  wonder,  after  such  a  transaction  as 
this,  that  I  should  long  for  a  Military  Academy  in 
order  to  discipline  such  personages  as  the  Brigadier? 
And  am  I  not  justified  in  making  the  prophecy  that 
if  Mrs.  Daisy  were  sent  to  a  feminine  school,  of  the 
same  kind  that  exists  on  the  Hudson,  before  the  first 
six  months  were  over  she  would  be  expelled  from  the 
institution  as  an  erratic  and  unruly  character  .?'* 

VH. 

On  another  occasion,  Averall  and  his  associate 
were  on  their  way  to  their  tents,  having  already 
enjoyed  a  short  ramble  in  the  vicinity  of  the  camp. 
Returning,  they  glanced  for  a  moment  at  a  small 
howitzer  which  had  been  planted  in  a  particular  posi- 
tion, as  a  protection  against  Indians.  This  piece  of 
ordnance  served  as  the  occasion  of  a  very  acute  dis- 
cussion, for  Guy  in  the  first  instance  saw  proper  to 
remark,  that  he  never  passed  by  a  gun  of  that  char- 
acter without  thinking  of  the  words  of  old  General 


Guy  Averall.  211 

Taylor  at  Buena  Vista,  "  a  little  more  grape,  Captain 
Bragg,"  as  an  indication  of  the  martial  qualities  of 
that  hero. 

"  A  significant  expression  truly,"  was  the  rejoinder, 
"  and  yet  I  doubt  very  much  if  it  really  ever  were 
uttered." 

"But  the  thing  has  been  repeated  from  mouth  to 
mouth  all  over  the  land,"  answered  Averall.  "  No 
life  of  General  Taylor  that  ever  I  saw  omits  the 
sentence." 

"  That  may  be  so,"  was  the  reply,  "  still,  as  I  said 
before,  I  see  great  reason  to  doubt  if  the  speech 
were  really  ever  utterred.  With  guns  in  the  field, 
we  have  solid  shot,  whose  character  is  denoted  by  its 
name  ;  we  have  shells,  which  are  intended  to  be  burst 
by  an  interior  charge ;  we  have  shrapnell,  a  shell 
filled  with  powder  and  bullets,  and  lastly  we  have 
canister  formed  by  compressing  a  number  of  small 
iron  balls  in  a  tin  case.  As  to  grape,  nine  big  bullets 
bound  together  by  a  ring  and  a  screw,  it  is  reserved 
entirely  in  our  Service  for  guns  in  position.  How 
then,  in  the  name  of  common  sense,  could  General 
Taylor  order  Captain  Bragg  to  use  grape  in  a  place 
where  no  grape  was  to  be  had,  and  with  a  kind  of 
gun  which  never  employed  it." 

"I'm  sure,"  said  Guy,  "  I  don't  know — the  thing 
I  admit  is  something  of  a  puzzle." 

"  The  fact  that  a  phrase  is  frequently  repeated  in 
this  way,"  said  the  Scot,  "  is  no  proof  whatever  that 
it  is  true  ;  it  merely  shows  that  it  is  popular.  In  the 
case  now  before  us  the  explanation  is  as  follows  : 
General  Taylor  was  nominated  as  a  candidate  for 
the  Presidency,  a  catch  word  was  wanted  that  would 


«i2  Guy  A  vera! I. 

appeal  to  the  sentiments  of  the  masses,  everyone  in 
America  at  that  time  felt  jubilant  over  the  results  of 
the  Mexican  war,  the  phrase  "  a  little  more  grape 
Captain  Bragg  "  was  invented  as  a  formula  well 
adapted  to  tickle  the  fancy  ;  the  thing  took ;  the 
words  spread  ;  Captain  Bragg  and  his  grape  was 
mentioned  everywhere  ;  and  as  a  final  result  the 
good-natured,  well-meaning,  hard-fighting,  honest  old 
veteran,  who  is  said  to  have  employed  these  terms  on 
the  battle  field,  was  triumphantly  proclaimed  the  first 
magistrate  of  the  country." 

"  If  that  be  true,"  responded  Guy,  "  I  have  noth- 
ing more  to  say.  1  only  regret  to  find  that  you  have 
destroyed  the  coherence  of  a  very  pretty  little  story, 
which  we  all  loved  to  repeat." 

"  It  is  a  pity  to  mention  it,"  continued  Moldwell, 
"  yet  nevertheless  the  fact  remains  true,  that  some  of 
the  most  celebrated  mots  in  existence,  would  hardly 
obtain  credence  if  submitted  to  a  critical  test.  Take 
for  instance  that  attributed  to  the  Duke  of  Welling- 
ton "  up  guards  and  at  them,"  said  to  be  delivered 
to  a  portion  of  the  English  troops  by  their  com- 
mander on  the  field  of  Waterloo.  Now  this  saying 
has  passed  from  mouth  to  mouth  as  a  veritable  fact, 
and  has  been  incorporated  even  into  some  respecta- 
ble histories,  was  nevertheless  most  stoutly  denied  by 
Wellington  himself,  on  every  possible  occasion.  So 
with  the  words  "  the  guard  dies  but  never  surrend- 
ers." This  phrase  attributed  to  Cambourne  was  also 
vehemently  repudiated  by  him.  In  fact  we  know 
that  the  saying  was  invented  by  Rougemont,  a  pro- 
lific author  of  mots,  a  couple  of  days  after  the  battle.'' 

"  Well,"  said  Guy,  somewhat  astonished,  for  in 


Guv  Averall. 


213 


truth  the  information  thus  given  to  him  was  quite 
new,  **  you  almost  destroy  my  credence  in  events 
whose  authenticity,  a  short  time  ago,  I  ahiiost  imagined 
to  be  beyond  the  reach  of  controversy." 

"  I  would  not  destroy  your  credence,"  was  the 
reply,  "  but  this  I  wish  to  point  out  that  history,  as  it 
is  called,  is  usually  compounded  of  fact  and  fable  ; 
and  any  person  would  surely  contribute  to  our  intel- 
lectual progress  who  might  compile  a  code  of  exami- 
nation by  which  we  can  separate  the  one  from  the 
other.  Indeed  the  times  seem  propitious  for  such 
an  organon,  since  our  trust  even  in  lettered  books  is 
no  longer  so  enduring  as  it  once  was.  A  few  hints 
perchance  may  suffice.  For  instance,  your  own 
experience  in  the  Army  convinces  you,  that  with 
some  local  differences  of  sentiment  the  natives  of  far 
distant  countries  are  at  bottom  essentially  the  same. 
Now  is  it  too  much  to  extend  this  principle  in  another 
direction,  and  assume  that  the  men  who  lived  eighteen 
hundred  or  two  thousand  years  ago,  did  not,  in  their 
natures,  differ  very  greatly  from  us  ?  This  assumption 
is  the  leading  characteristic  of  the  critical  spirit  of 
which  we  all  have  heard  so  much  of  late.  It  pre- 
sumes that  the  world  of  Numa  or  of  Augustus  is  essen- 
tially the  same  world  that  now  surrounds  us,  and 
then  seeks  to  explain  the  current  belief  of  past  ages 
by  an  examination  of  the  circumstances  under  which 
these  beliefs  may  have  been  formed.  For  instance, 
if  a  city  at  any  time  becomes  great  and  powerful, 
there  is  a  strong  disposition  to  deify  its  founders, 
and  hence  such  persons  as  Theseus  or  Romulus  are 
invested  with  the  most  extraordinary  gifts.  The  lives 
of  the  saints  may  be  laughed  at,  and  yet  to  me  they 


214  Guy  Aver  all. 

arc  full  of  instruction.  They  show  mc  the  opinions, 
the  purjioses  and  the  prejudices  of  the  men  who 
V.  rote  these  lives  ;  the  code  of  criticism  that  they 
employed,  and  how  far  a  glorious  ideality  tempered 
the  severity  of  their  judgment.  We  may  doubt  if  the 
good  Saint  Denis  walked  two  full  miles  with  his  head 
under  his  arm,  after  that  portion  of  the  body  had 
been  cut  off  ;  and  question  if  Saint  George  of  Cap- 
padocia  really  slew  the  famous  dragon  at  Beyrout 
with  which  he  is  credited.  But  never  will  we  find 
fault  with  a  meek  grey-headed  old  cordelier  if  he 
really  happens  to  believe  these  ancient  verities." 

"  I  think  I  understand  your  way  of  looking  at 
things  "  said  Guy. 

"  In  reading  history  too,"  continued  Moldwell, 
"  we  must  take  into  account  the  prejudices  and  pur- 
poses of  the  author  who  composed  the  narrative  ;  for 
it  is  very  rare,  indeed,  to  find  a  historian  who  is 
strictly  impartial.  If  one  man  wishes  to  extol  mon- 
archical principles,  he  gives  us  a  history  of  Europe, 
in  which  everything  in  favor  of  republicanism  is 
studiously  suppress«.d  ;  if  another  has  a  liking  for 
Napoleon  the  gerierous  acts  of  his  life  are  displayed 
to  full  advantage  ;  wliilehis  selfishness,  his  meanness, 
and  his  despotic  will  are  passed  over  as  leniently  as 
possible.  Macaulay  gives  us  a  huge  whig  essay, 
while  writing  his  account  ;  and  Hume,  on  the  other 
hand,  takes  pleasure  in  portraying  the. fate  of  one  of 
the  Stuarts.  Finally,  it  must  not  be  forgotten  that 
the  elements  of  time  and  place  are  important  ingredi- 
ents in  estimating  the  credibility  of  writers  in  an 
uncritical  age  ;  for  those  who  live  near  the  period  or 
locality  they  describe,  are  usually  much  more  trust- 


Guy  Aver  all.  215 

worthy  than  those  who  live  far  away  from  them. 
Livy  tells  us  that  wonderful  story  about  Hannibal 
breaking  rocks  in  the  Alps  by  means  of  vinegar  ; 
while  Polybius,  who  lived  much  earlier,  does  not 
notice  the  circumstance.  In  the  same  way  your 
countryman,  Saint  Patrick,  writes  a  life  of  himself, 
which  is  as  uiiostentatious  and  apparently  as  truth- 
ful as  anything  of  the  kind  can  possibly  be.  But 
when  the  MonkColgan,  who  wrote  in  the  seventeenth 
century,  is  required  to  submit  his  compilation,  all 
the  foolish  old  legends  that  could  be  collected  about 
the  patron  Saint,  previous  to  the  time  that  Colgan 
composed  his  work,  are  thrust  haphazard  into  the 
record." 


SWEET  WILLIAM. 

I. 

In  about  three  months  from  the  date  of  the  estab- 
lishment in  Fort  Myers,  the  term  of  enHstment  in 
the  case  of  Sergeant  Ernest  Heidenrick  had  expired; 
that  official,  therefore,  received  his  discharge  and 
went  north,  so  that  his  connection  with  the  Twenty- 
sixth  Artillery  was  now  severed.  About  the  same 
time  Captain  Daisy  was  obliged  to  leave  Florida  ; 
his  health  had  indeed  been  suffering  a  good  deal  of 
late,  the  climate  of  Fort  Myers  was  not  a  desirable 
one  for  an  invalid;  and  hence  he  had  been  obliged 
to  apply  for  a  leave  of  absence.  In  consequence  of 
this  change,  the  command  of  Company  *' E  "  was 
now  transferred  to  I-ieutenant  Spruce;  while,  as  a 
result  of  Heidenrick's  discharge,  it  became  necessary 
to  choose  a  I  St  Sergeant,  in  order  to  properly  admin- 
ister the  affairs  of  that  organization.  For  this  office 
the  names  of  several  soldiers  were  proposed,  and 
Ryan  in  particular  was  strongly  recommended  on 
account  of  the  bodily  strength  he  was  supposed  to 
possess  ;  an  all  important  quality  according  to  some 
authorities,  in  choosing  the  non-commissioned  officers 
of  a  Company.  But,  in  the  long  run.  Corporal  Law- 
less was  selected  as  the  proper  man,  because,  in  the 
first  place,  he  was  a  good  drill  instructor,  and  sec- 
ondly a  handsome  fellow,  while  one  of  the  officers 
argued  very  astutely,  that  if  a  row  arose  after  pay 
216 


Gtiy  Ave  rail.  217 

day,  in  consequence  of  a  little -too  much  whiskey 
among  the  troops,  and  it  became  necessary  to  knock 
down  a  man  or  too,  that  Lawless  could  readily  call 
in  Ryan  as  his  assistant,  settle  the  case  in  a  moment, 
and  then  each  of  these  subordinates  could  return  to 
their  appropriate  duties.  This  plan,  which  evinced 
considerable  ingenuity,  seemed  to  meet  with  un- 
qualified approval,  so  Lawless  and  Ryan  were  both 
made  Sergeants,  and  to  the  former  was  assigned  the 
charge  of  the  Company.  These  appointments  seemed 
to  gratify  those  immediately  benefited — indeed  it  was 
noted  that  Ryan  and  Lawless  both  sat  down  and 
played  cards  from  retreat  to  reveille  on  the  day  when 
the  announcement  was  made — yes,  and  what  is  better 
too,  they  kept  up  the  same  amusement,  night  after 
night,  for  a  whole  week  in  succession. 

Now  regarding  this  practice  of  playing  cards, 
there  is  no  use  denying  the  fact,  that  American 
soldiers,  now  and  then,  do  indulge  in  it  occasionally; 
nay  more  than  this,  that  at  the  bi-monthly  pay  day, 
in  particular,  it  becomes  a  common  if  not  a  some- 
what expensive  amusement.  Among  the  games  that 
may  be  mentioned,  in  the  connection,  are  "euchre,", 
"forty-five,"  and  "seven  up;"  but  the  palm  after  all 
seems  to  be  given  to  that  identical  mode  of  hazard 
which  Minister  Schenck  is  said  to  have  taught  the 
young  diplomats  at  the  Court  of  Saint  James — we 
mean  the  ancient  and  venerable  game  of  "poker." 
And  indeed  it  was  both  an  amusing  and  cheerful 
sight,  to  see  a  number  of  soldiers,  sitting  round  a 
blanket,  spread  in  a  tent,  with  their  pile  of  quarters 
and  half  dollars  before  them,  indulging  in  a  fifty- 
cent  "ante,"  going  one  or  two  dollars  "better,"  or 


2.8  Guy  Avcrall. 

perchance  "  doubling  the  stakes,"  and  tlien  "  calling  " 
their  opponent.  Lawless  and  Ryan,  as  we  said  before, 
both  indulged  iri  this  game  ;  so  did  Sullivan,  and  the 
bard  Hogan  ;  but  the  latter,  after  a  while,  took;  offence 
at  something  which  was  either  done  or  said  at  one  of 
these  meetings.  He  accordingly  left  the  place  in  a 
very  abrupt  manner,  said  he  would  have  nothing  to 
do  with  Lawless  any  more,  and  which  was  rather 
singular,  he  ever  afterwards  adhered  to  this  resolution. 
Some  of  the  outsiders  endeavored  to  allay  this  family 
quarrel,  by  promising  to  propitiate  the  other  powers, 
if  Hogan  would  only  bestow  his  confidence,  and 
candidly  tell  what  was  the  matter.  But  the  bard  was 
by  nature  too  polite  and  conscientious  a  man  to 
indulge  in  any  underhand  cavillings.  He  merely 
said  he  had  formed  his  opinion  of  one  of  the  gentle- 
men, with  whom  he  had  sat  down  in  a  friendly 
manner,  but  further  than  this  he  would  not  say  any- 
thing against  him.  So  the  play  went  on — Sullivan, 
Lawless,  and  Ryan  with  this  or  that  other  person 
making  up  a  game;  while  Hogan  for  the  future  kept 
aloof  from  all  such  proceedings.  At  length  even 
Sullivan  got  tired  of  this  amusement ;  for  in  the  first 
place  he  discovered  he  constantly  lost  money  by  the 
operation,  and  in  addition  he  thought  he  noticed 
something  very  queer  on  the  part  of  Lawless  one 
night,  when  the  ist  Sergeant  supposed  there  was  no 
one  looking  on  him,  and  as  a  consequence  the 
Corporal  finally  came  to  the  conclusion  he  could  not 
afford  to  sit  down  and  play  with  any  one  who  took 
such  an  underhand  advantage  as  Sergeant  Lawless 
evidently  did.  He  therefore  resigned  his  seat  at  the 
gambling  board,  to  seme  of  the  other  gentlemen  who 


Guy  Ave  rail.  219 

were  to  be  found  in  the  Company  and  who  still 
seemed  to  take  sufficient  interest  in  this  game  of 
hazard  to  "double  the  stakes"  "chip  twenty-five 
cents,"  "call"  an  adversary  or  "go  two  dollars 
better." 

In    presenting  the  foregoing  sketch  of   Messrs. 
Lawless  and  Ryan,  short  and  imperfect  though  it  be, 
we  hope  the   reader  will  give  us  credit  for   being 
actuated  by  no  mean  or  unworthy  motive.     In  the 
first  place  we  disclaim  the  fact  that  either  of  those 
gentlemen  ever  inflicted  on  us  any  real  or  personal 
injury.     They  never  threatend  to  knock  off  our  head 
for  saying  that  they  both  were  not  the  very  greatest 
and  most  gentlemanly  personages  in  the  whole  world, 
they  never  cheated  us  out  of  a  dollar  of  money  at 
"  poker,"  "  forty-five,"  "  seven  up,"  or  any  other  game 
at  cards ;  they  never  thrust  us  into  the  guard  house 
in  a  violent  and  despotic  manner  for  grumbling  at 
any  of  their  exactions  ;  in  short,  they  never  injured 
us  to  the  breadth  of  a  hair  in  mind,  body,  or  estate. 
We  consequently  have  not  the  first  particle  of  ill- 
feeling  towards  them,  in  any  one  way.     Our  duty, 
as  recorder  of  this  narrative,  is  simply  to  put  into 
proper  form  such  incidents  as  relate  to  the  same. 
Had  either  of  these  non-commissioned  officers  been 
very  different  from  the  personages  they  really  were, 
we  willingly  would  have  admitted  the  fact.     Had 
they  been  highly  accomplished  and  intellectual  schol- 
ars, instead  of  the  lively  gentlemen  that  they  appeared 
to  be,  the  circumstances  would  be  duly  chronicled  in 
this  history.     But  to  write  an  eulogy,  under  existing 
conditions,  is  impossible  for  us  to  do,  and  therefore 
we  dismiss  the  whole  matter  with  the  foregoing  notice. 


220  Guy  Avcrall. 

II. 

During  the  spring  of  that  year,  two  distinct  expe- 
ditions were  sent  out  from  Fort  Myers,  for  the 
purpose  of  finding  the  Indians,  but  both  of  these  un- 
fortunately met  with  little  success.  The  first  one 
consisted  of  about  one  hundred  men,  and  was  dis- 
patched eastward,  along  the  southern  bank  of  the 
Caloosahatchie  River,  with  directions  to  reach  Lake 
Okce-chobee ;  and  after  examining  the  country  there, 
to  return  by  the  opposite  bank  of  the  stream  to  the 
point  of  starting.  In  this  affair,  Guy  Averall  took 
part,  marching  with  his  lump  of  fat  pork,  and  his 
four  pounds  of  biscuit  in  his  haversack,  as  manfully 
as  the  oldest  soldier  in  the  command.  This  expe- 
dition was  absent  five  days,  during  which  time  it 
marched  a  distance  of  something  over  one  hundred 
and  twenty  miles,  but  did  not  accomplish  any  thing 
definitely.  Traces  of  Indians,  no  doubt,  were  to  be 
seen  here  and  there ;  but  still  no  braves  were  captured, 
indeed  a  moment's  reflection  might  be  sufficient  to 
convince  any  one  that  all  these  attempts  must  prove 
futile,  for  in  sOch  a  country  as  Florida,  covered  over 
as  it  is  with  chapparal  and  hammocks,  every  Indian 
in  it  might  conceal  himself  at  the  distance  of  a  few 
hundred  yards  from  the  place  actually  occupied  by 
the  troops,  and  there  remain  undiscovered  for  an 
indefinite  length  of  time.  The  next  expedition  was 
sent  out  in  about  a  week  after  the  return  of  the 
former  one,  and  from  the  account  given  by  the  par- 
ticipants, it  must  have  been  a  delightful  one.  The 
purpose,  as  given  out,  was  to  penetrate  the  country 
in  the  direction  of  the  Everglades,  capture  the 
Indians  there,  and  then   return.     Eut  this  too  was 


Guy  Averall.  221 

unavailing.      The  men  sent  out,  marched  a  day,  got 
into  a  country  partially  covered  with  water,  waded 
through  it,  ate  their  hard  biscuit  and  salt  pork,  while 
standing  up,  and  having  reached  the  spot  where  the 
post  of  Fort  Simon  Drum  was  afterwards  established, 
they  were  actually  obliged  to  erect  temporary  bunks, 
by  means  of   boughs,  cut   from  pines,  in  order  to 
secure  a  place  sufficiently  dry  for  them  to  rest  on 
during  the  night.     A  large  portion  of  the  southern 
extremity  of  Florida,  is   in   fact   a  mere   swamp  ; 
covered  with  water  to  the  depth  of  from  one  to  six 
feet.     In  the  everglades  this  water  serves  to  support 
a  coarse  species  of  reed-like  grass,  which  grows  to 
the  height  of  several   feet  above  its  surface,  and  it 
was  in  this  part  of  the  country  that  General  Harney, 
by  means  of  flat-bottomed  boats,  attempted  to  cap- 
ture the  Indians  toward  the  close  of  the  first  Florida 
war.    In  the  present  case  these  repeated  wanderings 
and  counter  marchings,  on  the  part  of  the  Twenty- 
sixth  Artillery,  began  to  be  somewhat  monotonous, 
and  their  uselessness  having  been  again  and  agam 
demonstrated,  it  was  fmally   resolved   to   abandon 
them.     Why  they  should  have  been  instituted,  in 
the  first  instance,  was  a  fitting  theme  for  inquiry; 
as  the  case,  however,  now  stood,  the  mountain  would 
not  come  to  Mahomet,  so  Mahomet  was  forced  to  go 
to  the  mountain ;    in  plain  terms,  since  the  Indians 
could  not  be  entrapped  and  brought  into  Fort  Myers, 
it  was  necessary  to  have  recourse  to  the  charms  of 
persuasion  for  that  purpose.    At  various  times  during 
the  war  in  Florida,  which  ended  in  1842,  instalments 
of  Seminoles  had  agreed  to  accept  the  terms  offered 
by  the  United  States  government,  and  had  emigrated 


222  Guy  Ave  rail. 

to  the  Indian  territory  beyond  the  Mississippi.  To 
these  accordingly,  an  agent  was  sent,  asking  that  one 
or  two  Red  men  should  return  to  Florida,  to  act  as 
interpreters,  and  endeavor  at  the  same  time  to  per- 
suade their  relatives  in  that  state,  to  follow  the  foot- 
steps of  those  living  under  the  protection  of  the 
general  government  in  that  section  of  country  set 
part  exclusively  for  the  use  of  the  Indians  in  the 
West.  This  plan  succeeded  so  far  that  a  number  of 
Scminoles  were  actually  persuaded  to  come  into 
Fort  Myers,  so  as  to  hold  a  conference  with  the 
commanding  officer  of  the  Department,  old  General 
Twiggs,  in  relation  to  their  wants  and  desires.  Guy 
Averall  had  already  seen  the  interpreters  on  board 
the  Fashion,  as  she  steamed  up  to  the  wharf  at  P'ort 
Myers,  on  her  return  from  New  Orleans,  and  doubt- 
ed not  but  a  conference  would  soon  take  place. 
'J'he  next  morning  these  ambassadors  started  into 
the  woods  by  themselves,  and  after  the  lapse  of  a 
week  or  therabouts  they  returned  with  the  intelli- 
gence that  the  celebrated  warrior.  Bowlegs,  accom- 
panied by  several  other  chiefs,  would  come  into  Fort 
Myers  the  follcAving  day. 

In  due  time  the  Indians  made  their  appearance, 
and  certainly  their  first  approach,  as  they  strode  into 
the  post,  one  after  another,  was  a  remarkably  im- 
posing one.  Tall,  straight,  well  shaped  fellows,  with 
graceful  limbs,  and  a  bearing  that  on  the  whole,  was 
sufficiently  dignified  ;  there  seemed  to  be  nothing 
whatever  of  that  squalid  repulsiveness  about  them, 
which  travellers  assure  us  is  commonly  associated 
with  the  Red  men  of  the  plains.  On  the  forehead 
of  each  was  a  small  silver  plate,  in  the  shape  of  a 


Guy  Ave  rail.  •  223 

crescent,  while  above  their  head  was  a  tuft  of  plumes 
from  a  species  of  eagle  found  in  Florida.  Leggins 
of  deerskin  and  the  customary  blankets  completed 
the  outfit,  and  as  they  sat  down,  one  after  another, 
in  front  of  the  tent  occupied  by  General  Twiggs,  a 
feeling  of  involuntary  respect  for  them  was  awakened 
in  the  breast  of  every  one  present.  AVhy  should 
they  be  compelled,  merely  becifuse  their  enemies, 
the  whites,  desired  it,  to  abandon  those  woods  and 
hammocks  in  which  they  and  their  fathers  had  hunt- 
ed for  ages,  and  then  seek  new  homes  for  themselves 
in  a  country  to  which  they  were  strangers  ?  Would 
the  palefaces  themselves  submit  to  be  driven  about 
like  so  many  dumb  cattle,  at  the  will  and  beck  of 
some  fancied  superior  ?  But  these  feelings  of  rever- 
ence on  the  part  of  the  enlisted  men  were  un- 
fortunately of  short  duration,  for  after  a  while  the 
conference  with  General  Twiggs  broke  up,  and  then 
the  genuine  character  of  the  Indian  appeared.  In 
their  "  talk  "  with  the  officers,  they  had  manifested 
a  quiet  dignity,  but  after  this  was  over,  a  decided 
change  took  place.  They  invaded  the  tents  of  the 
officers  and  soldiers,  they  begged  for  whatever  they 
could  get ;  their  chief,  William,  appropriated  Guy 
Averall's  shirt ;  and  with  this  garment  over  his 
shoulders,  and  an  old  sword  by  his  side,  the  fellow 
cut  up  the  most  curious  antics.  He  marched,  he 
strutted,  he  drew  the  weapon,  he  enunciated  his  word 
of  command,  he  uttered  all  the  persiflage  of  a  mock 
emperor.  None  of  the  other  Indians,  except  the 
chief,  could  speak  English,  and  his  regard  for  Guy 
was  expressd  in  a  somewhat  singular  manner.     "  If 

we  go  to  war,  me  will  kill  you — shan't  fall  by  the 
15 


224  ■  Guy  Aver  all. 

hand  of  any  other  brave — fine  fellow  like  you  should 
be  killed  by  a  brave  warrior  like  me,  not  by  an  old 
woman  like  Tiger  tail."  Guy,  of  course,  thanked 
William  for  this  mark  of  his  esteem ;  although  when 
the  former,  by  way  of  barter  demanded  back  his 
shirt,  Mr.  Bowlegs  expressed  his  desire  to  keep  it, 
just  as  a  mark  of  his  love  and  affection — "  never 
mind,  when  you  come  out  to  the  Everglades  again, 
me  will  fight  and  kill  you,  shan't  fall  by  the  hand  of 
any  other  brave  except  myself,  Tiger  tail  is  nothing 
but  an  old  woman,  he  not  fit  to  kill  you."  Tow- 
ards evening,  the  Indians  by  some  means  or  other, 
obtained  a  supply  of  "fire-water,"  and  then  they 
assembled  and  gave  one  of  their  characteristic  dances. 
A  fire  was  lighted  in  the  woods  at  sundown  ;  the 
warriors,  in  various  trappings,  assembled  around  it 
their  hands  were  joined,  a  curious  sort  of  see-saw 
chorus  was  struck  up,  they  circled  round  and  round 
the  flame,  gesticulating  in  the  most  extraordinary  way 
then  on  a  sudden  a  whoop  was  given;  a  noise  evi 
dently  intended  as  an  imitation  of  a  turkey  gobbler, 
next  followed,  and  lastly,  each  one  present  took  d 
pull  from  that'  all-potent  spirit  which  seemed  to  in- 
fuse itself  into  the  very  life  of  the  demons.  A 
couple  of  black  negro  wenches,  who  accompanied 
the  warriors  as  attendants,  joined  in  these  revels, 
and  seemed  to  relish  the  exercise  every  bit  as  well 
as  their  sovereign  lords  and  masters.  Doubtless, 
they  served  an  important  purpose,  for  beside  taking 
charge  of  such  household  cares  as  devolved  on  them, 
they  had  the  foresight  to  hide  the  knives  that  were 
in  possession  of  the  warriors  ere  the  fun  commenced, 
Had  this  precaution  not  been  adopted,  some  ugly 
results  might  possibly  have  happened. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  ^225 

At  a  subsequent  visit  to  the  Fort,  the  Indians 
brought  in  several  of  their  children  ;  lads  of  from 
twelve  to  fourteen  years  of  age,  and  the  skill  which 
these  exhibited  in  the  use  of  the  bow  and  arrow 
was,  in  itself,  something  remarkable.  Now  and  then 
these  youngsters  would  follow  a  flock  of  young  quail, 
that  ran  through  the  underbrush  outside  the  Fort, 
fire  an  arrow  at  one,  kill  it  and  witliout  stopping  to 
pick  up  the  bird,  would  proceed  to  the  next  one 
within  reach,  and  after  it  was  pinioned,  a  third  and 
fourth  victim  would  follow.  After  their  arrows  had 
all  been  exhausted,  they  would  return,  pick  up  the 
birds,  and  then  attack  another  flock  in  the  same 
manner  as  before.  A  silver  coin  suspended  from  a 
tree,  at  the  distance  of  six  or  eight  yards,  was  almost 
sure  to  be  struck  in  the  same  manner.  But  the 
almost  fiendish  character  of  their  sires,  whenever 
they  got  excited,  seemed  to  banish  all  the  romance 
of  the  Indian  character,  and  the  promise  of  Mr. 
Bowlegs  to  kill  Guy,  in  return  for  the  use  of  his 
shirt,  fully  demolished  any  regard  that  young  gentle- 
man might  otherwise  have  for  the  aboriginal  inhabi- 
tants. Oh!  James  Fennimorc  Cooper,  author  of  tiiose 
Leatherstocking  'i'alcs,  on  which  so  many  juvenile 
readers  have  doted,  why  didn't  these  not  portray  the 
Indian  as  he  is,  sneaking  and  dirty  and  merciless,  in- 
stead of  being  the  moral  philosopher  and  expounder 
of  the  doings  of  the  great  Wahconda,  that  these 
would'st  fain  make  us  believe  he  is.  Oh  !  famous 
Jean  Jacques,  thou  that  hast  taken  so  much  pains  to 
extol  the  savage  state,  dids't  thou  ever  see  a  real 
savage?  You  never  did,  for  if  you  had,  that  dis- 
course of  thine,  which  attributes  all  possible  virtue 


226  Guy  Ave  rail. 

to  the  ■svild  man,  and  all  the  meanness  and  decep- 
tions of  life  to  his  tame  brother,  would  never  have 
been  written. 

The  position  of  women  among  the  Indian  tribes,  as 
is  well-known,  is  not  a  very  elevated  one.  A  melan- 
choly instance  of  this  was  once  presented  at  a  station 
where  Guy  Averall  subsequently  served,  in  which 
the  daughter  of  a  respectable  citizen  of  London  was 
the  sufferer.  The  girl  had  actually  eloped  with  a 
Chippewa  Chief  who  happened  to  be  on  exhibition 
at  the  British  metropolis.  Her  mind  was  apparently 
captivated  by  those  stories  which  she  heard  of  the 
prowess  of  the  dusky  warrior  ;  she  fancied  herself 
sitting  as  a  queen,  wielding  royal  sway  over  obe- 
dient subjects,  honored  and  respected  by  all  who 
surrounded  her.  Great  indeed  was  her  disappoint- 
ment, when  she  awoke  to  the  sad  realities  of  the 
case  ;  to  find  herself  thrust  into  a  miserable  hut,  the 
companion  of  savages,  whose  habits  were  in  every 
way  unendurable.  To  submit  to  such  a  mode  of 
life,  year  after  year,  was  more  than  she  could  bear, 
she  fled  for  protection  to  a  good  Catholic  priest, 
who  was  then  endeavoring  to  introduce  the  habits 
of  civilized  life  into  the  tribe.  By  him  she  was 
placed  in  charge  of  the  mission  school,  where  she 
remained  for  a  couple  of  years  till  she  died.  The 
amount  of  attention  she  might  receive  from  those 
"buskined  chiefs  of  swarthy  lineament,"  as  the  poet 
Campbell  chooses  to  call  them,  is  indicated  by  the 
following  harangue  which  was  spoken  by  one  of 
those  identical  braves. 

'*  When  the  white  man  court,"  said  the  chief  in 
his  broken   English,  "  he  court  maybe  for  a  whole 


Guy  Aver  all.  227 

year— maybe  for  two  year  before  he  marry— maybe 
he  gets  a  good  wife— maybe  not— maybe  he  works 
for  him  well— maybe  he  scolds  all  day.  Still  white 
man  can  do  nothing— must  keep  his  wife— never  put 
him  away  once  they  are  married.  But  with  Indians 
things  are  different!  When  he  sees  squaw  that 
works  hard  which  he  likes— he  goes  to  him  places  his 
two  fingers  close  beside  each  other— make  two  look 
like  one— see  him  smile  which  is  all  one  he  says  yes, 
so  he  takes  him  to  live  with  him."  No  danger  that 
he  be  cross  or  scold  now  !  Squaw  knows  too  well 
what  Indian  does  if  he  be  cross  !  Throw  him  away 
and  take  another  !  Squaw  loves  to  eat  meat— no 
husband  no  meat.  Squaw  do  anything  to  please 
husband.  He  do  the  same  to  please  squaw— both 
be  happy." 

There  is  a  common  sense  method  in  the  senti- 
ments thus  advocated  by  the  chief,  which  we  would 
heartily  recom^nend  to  that  celebrated  lecturer,  Miss 
Annie  C.  Dickinson,  and  to  all  the  other  feminine 
advocates  of  social  progress. 

r 
III. 

But  beside  the  two  expeditions  already  men- 
tioned, which  left  Fort  Myers  ;  another,  in  addition, 
was  fitted  out  under  command  of  Lieutenant  Blodgett, 
who  kept  loudly  swearing  all  the  time  that  he,  "  by 
Jupiter,"  knew  more  of  the  woods  in  Florida  than 
all  the  officers  of  the  United  States  Army  put  to- 
gether ;  and  if  that  confounded  nonsensical  fool,  old 
Twiggs,  would  only  entrust  him  with  supreme  com- 
mand, he  would  capture  every  Indian  in  the  country 
in  less  than  a  fortnight.     Much  was  expected  from 


228  Guy  Averall. 

Blodgelt,  on  account  of  this  braggadocio ;  but  on 
the  very  day  that  this  party  set  out,  its  commander 
got  separated  from  his  detachment,  wandered  through 
the  woods,  and  was  lost.  A  report  was  now  circu- 
lated that  the  Lieutenant  had  fallen  into  the  hands 
of  the  Indians  who  had  probably  scalped  him,  and  as 
a  consequence  every  officer  in  the  Regiment  felt  pre- 
disposed to  commiserate  the  unfortunate  man's  fate. 
"Well  poor  fellow,"  one  would  say,  "he  had  his 
faults,  just  as  we  all  have,  still  he  had  his  redeeming 
qualities  in  spite  of  all  that,  and  when  I  think  of  his 
untimely  end,  ti^  up  to  a  tree,  in  all  probability  and 
tortured  to  death,  I  forget  his  ridiculous  self-conceit, 
and  every  disagreeble  quality  that  he  had."  But 
Blodgett,  it  seemed,  had  as  many  lives  as  a  cat,  for 
on  the  second  night  after  his  disappearance,  as 
Averall  was  walking  post,  he  thought  he  heard  the 
voice  of  a  man  shouting  on  the  opposite  side  of  the 
river.  Guy  accordingly  called  for  the  Sergeant  of 
the  Guard,  and  after  listening  for  a  while  they  again 
thought  the  noise  was  repeated.  The  Sergeant  now 
deemed  it  advisable  to  report  the  circumstance  to  the 
officer  of  the  day,  Lieutenant  Taper,  who  after  buck- 
ling on  his  sword,  and  listening  for  a  while  came  to 
the  conclusion  he  heard  a  man's  voice  also.  A  boat 
was  accordingly  sent  over  the  river  to  the  point 
from  which  the  noise  seemed  to  come  ;  and  there, 
wonderful  to  relate,  the  resolute  son  of  Mars  was  dis- 
covered, sitting  under  the  shade  of  a  mangrove  bush, 
his  face  haggard  and  dirty,  his  clothes  torn  into 
shreds  by  the  palmettos  among  which  he  had  been 
wandering,  while  his  tout  ensemble  presented  a 
picture  of  distress  such  as  is  seldom  seen,  even  in  a 


Guy  Aver  all.  229 

Florida  soldier.  Still  the  Lieutenant  to  do  him  justice 
appeared  as  firm  and  resolute  as  ever.  "  Well,  by 
Jupiter,"  said  he  as  the  crew  made  its  apperance, 
with  Taper  in  charge,  "  you  fellows  have  been  treat- 
ing me  in  a  handsome  way." 

"Treating  you  in  a  handsome  way!"  repeated 
Taper,  "  why  what  is  the  matter  ?" 

"What  is  the  matter!"  exclaimed  Blodgett. 
*'  Matter  enough  I  assure  you.  Here  I  have  been 
stationed,  shouting  to  you  for  the  last  twenty-four 
hours,  and  not  a  single  soul  in  the  Fort  seems  to  pay 
any  attention  to  me.  The  deuce  take  it,  if  I  ever, 
after  such  usage  as  this,  will  volunteer  to  hunt 
Indians  in  Florida."  The  officer  was  taken  at  his 
word,  for  he  never  afterwards  was  entrusted  with 
the  charge  of  another  party.  How  it  happened  that 
he  got  separated  from  his  command,  crossed  the 
river,  and  wandered  down  the  opposite  bank  always 
remained  a  mystery,  even  in  spite  of  his  numerous 
explanations. 

In  the  midst  of  these  marchings  and  counter- 
marchings  and  wandering  through  the  woods,  the 
men,  it  must  be  noted,  exhibited  a  very  commenda- 
ble spirit,  most  of  them,  indeed,  seemed  to  rather 
enjoy  this  mode  of  existence.  Among  these  in  par- 
ticular, the  bard  Hogan  appeared  on  all  occasions  to 
be  in  the  best  of  humor,  for  to  him  his  present  exist- 
ence was  so  habitual  as  to  be  part  almost  of  his  nature. 
"  Finest  occupation  that  ever  a  young  man  followed," 
was  his  customary  remark,  "  gives  you  an  excellent 
opportunity  of  seeing  the  country  and  testing  the 
virtues  of  beans.  And  if  beans  should  happen  to  be 
absent,    as  is  frequently  the   case    with  us,  why  a 


230  Guy  Averall. 

soldier  is  no  soldier,  unless  he  can  live  for  three  days 
and  three  nights  on  the  smell  of  an  oil  rag."  And 
when  some  one  advocated  the  superior  advantages  of 
teaching  Latin  to  a  class  of  young  gentlemen  in  New 
Jersey,  rather  than  following  his  present  occupation, 
the  clerk  immediately  deprecated  the  ignoble  idea, 
embraced  in  this  remark  ;  and  then,  by  way  of  illus- 
trating this  point,  he  favored  his  auditory  with  the 
following  narrative : — 

***** 

You  must  know,  gentlemen,  that  according  to 
Epictetus  every  subject  has  two  handles,  and  that  a 
soldier's  life,  in  particular,  resembles  that  of  Prince 
Bladud  of  Bath,  of  whom  as  is  well  known,  we  have 
exactly  opposite  legends.  On  a  former  occasion  I 
gave  the  imaginary  cause  of  my  leaving  that  famous 
Laurel  Hill  Institute  of  gentlemen  cadets,  in  which 
I  taught  the  young  idea  how  to  shoot ;  at  present  I 
propose  to  narrate  the  real  cause  of  this  separation. 
It  is  a  melancholy  affair,  I  assure  you,  from  begin- 
ning to  end  ;  and  was  all  brought  about  by  means 
of  that  truly  insignificant  and  despicable  animal 
which  is  known  by  the  name  of  a  mouse.  My  story 
shall  be  told  in  as  few  words  as  possible,  let  the  final 
catastrophe  serve  as  a  warning  to  all  ambitious 
school-teachers. 

Well,  gentlemen,  you  must  know  in  the  first  place, 
that  the  situation  of  the  Laurel  Hill  Institute  is  one  of 
the  most  pleasant  I  ever  saw  in  the  whole  course  of  my 
life.  It  is  not  like  this  Florida  coast,  low  flat  land^ 
with  nothing  but  palmettos,  and  yellow  pitch  pine  on 
its  surface ;  but  stands,  on  the  contrary,  on  the  top 
of  a  hill,  with  a  fresh  green  sward  in   front,  while 


Guy  Aver  all.  231 

below  the  lawn  is  a  lake  on  which  the  gentlemen 
cadets  sometimes  exercised  themselves  in  sculling 
boats,  rowing  races,  skipping  flat  stones  over  its  sur- 
face, and  other  manly  and  warlike  exercises.  The 
head  of  the  Laurel  Hill  Institute,  the  Reverend  Dr. 
Skinner,  was  also  a  remarkable  man  in  his  way  ; 
learned  in  all  the  languages  ;  a  proficient  in  music, 
sculpture,  painting,  and  the  fine  arts  generally ; 
orthodox  in  all  matters  of  Church  discipline  and 
faith ;  and  endowed  beside  with  the  very  enviable 
faculty  of  blowing  his  own  trumpet  as  loudly  as  any 
man  in  the  State  of  which  he  is  a  resident.  Talk  of 
learning  and  ability — there  never  was  such  a  family 
as  the  Skinners;  speak  of  accomplishments  and 
great  natural  gifts — the  Skinners  were  absolutely 
without  a  parallel.  And  in  order  to  give  the  place  a 
greater  reputation,  it  was  noised  about,  that  every 
thing  around  the  Laurel  Hill  Institute  was  copied 
exactly  after  West  Point.  The  cadets  wore  the  same 
grey  uniform  in  the  one  locality  as  the  other  ;  they 
all  recited  in  a  similar  way,  and  were  classified 
accordingly  ;  the  only  difference  between  the  two 
localities  was  this,  that  whereas  in  West  Point,  a 
certain  number  of  bad  marks  is  sure  to  expel  a  mem- 
ber ;  at  the  Laurel  Hill  Institute,  on  the  other  hand, 
justice  was  tempered  with  mercy,  and  a  young  man 
was  permitted  to  undo  his  deficits  by  performing  any 
useful  piece  of  work  that  might  be  needed  around 
the  establishment.  Sometimes  the  cadets  at  Laurel 
Hill  were  permitted  to  weed  the  garden  ;  sometimes 
they  were  sent  out  to  the  Lake  to  catch  fish  for 
breakfast  ;  at  other  times,  it  is  said,  they  were 
allowed  to  peel  the  potatoes  for  dinner,  just  by  way 


232  Giiy  Aver  all. 

of  variety ;  and  if,  in  any  of  these  cases,  their  efforts 
proved  satisfactory,  a  certain  number  of  bad  marks 
were  taken  off  their  account,  and  then  the  happy 
recipient  of  this  favor  was  allowed  to  go  on  as  before. 
This  much  is  offered  by  way  of  explanation. 

Now  it  so  happened  that  at  the  particular  epoch 
of  which  I  treat,  a  large  colony  of  mice  had  invaded 
the  premises  occupied  by  Dr.  Skinner  ;  and  had 
committed  sad  havoc  among  such  eatables  and 
drinkables  as  were  to  be  found  scattered  here  and 
there  in  it.  Bread,  flour,  cheese  and  butter  were  all 
attacked  ;  nay,  even  the  old  shoe  strings  that  Dr 
Skinner  conscientiously  gathered  up,  were  assailed 
one  night  in  a  manner,  as  daring  as  it  was  perfidious. 
This  outrage  finally  moved  the  anger  of  the  chief 
personage  in  the  establishment.  **  Betsy  Jane,"  said 
he,  one  morning,  to  his  wife,  as  they  lay  stretched 
on  their  marital  couch,  "  I  have  an  idea  running 
through  my  head." 

"  What  is  that,  Gideon  ? "  said  Mrs.  Skinner,  who 
had  just  awoke  from  her  slumbers. 

"It  is  this,  my  dear  heart,"  said  the  Doctor^ 
"these  mice  are  beginning  to  be  very  troublesome  ; 
they  have  actually  attacked  the  blue  pill,  which  I 
now  and  then  use,  by  way  of  medicine.  If  this 
thing  goes  on,  they  will  drive  us  out  of  both  house 
and  home.  I  am  resolved  to  wage  war  against  them 
in  every  form  I  possibly  can,  and  this  very  morning 
I  intend  to  set  the  boys  to  catch  mice,  so  as  to  rid 
ourselves  of  these  troublesome  invaders." 

"Very  well,  my  dear,  do  as  you  see  fit,"  was  the 
response. 

"  I'll  exterminate  them,   even  if  it  costs  me  an 


Guy  Aver  all.  233 

empire,"  said  the  Doctor.  So  the  very  next  morning 
the  battalion  was  formed  in  line,  thirty-five  men  in 
all  ;  and  the  Doctor  then  and  there  made  proclama- 
tion that  any  boy  who  caught  and  killed  a  mo;.se, 
and  would  exhibit  it,  in  due  form  to  the  principal  in 
his  study,  he,  the  said  boy  would  have  five  bad  con- 
duct marks  taken  off  his  list,  and  would,  in  addition, 
receive  a  day's  leave  of  absence,  before  the  end  of 
the  term." 

"  Well,  how  did  the  plan  succeed  ?  "  asked  several 
of  the  auditors,  who  were  evidently  much  interested 
in  the  recital  which  the  bard  thus  presented. 

"  How  did  it  succeed  !  "  ejaculated  Hogan,  "  why 
admirably  in  every  respect.  The  thing  simply  worked 
like  a  charm.  The  Colonels,  the  Lieutenant  Colonels, 
the  Majors,  the  Captains  and  Lieutenants  belonging 
to  the  Laurel  Hill  battalion  of  Cadets  attacked  the 
mice,  in  due  order,  and  captured  them  by  the  dozen. 
Never  was  there  such  slaughter  of  rodents,  from  the 
days  of  the  Pied  Piper  of  Hamlin  till  the  present. 
Meanwhile,  the  head  of  the  Institute  sat  in  his  study, 
counted  the  spoils  as  they  were  brought  in,  and 
took  off  the  black  marks  accordingly.  Judging  from 
the  printed  reports  which  were  furnished  them,  there 
never  was  a  better  behaved  set  of  young  men  than 
flourished  under  the  care  of  Dr.  Skinner.  But  in 
the  long  run,  a  disastrous  result  followed.  The 
supply  of  mice  at  the  Laurel  Hill  Institute  became 
exhausted." 

"Well,  how  did  that  affect  the  school  ?"  enquired 
Private  Petersen. 

"  Affect  the  school!"  was  the  answer,  "it  affected 
it  badly  in  every  way.     The  boys   now  knew   there 


234  ^^^y  Aver  all. 

was  no  other  method  of  effacing  bad  marks,  except 
by  ^oing  out  once  more  into  the  garden  to  pull 
weeds,  and  that  let  me  assure  you,  in  the  cold  month 
of  November,  is  anything  but  pleasant.  The  dis- 
appearance of  the  mice,  sir,  was  simply  disastrous. 

"Well,  what  did  they  do?"  asked  Petersen,  Avho 
still  seemed  somewhat  interested,  just  then,  in  Ho- 
gan's  narrative. 

"What  did  they  do!"  was  the  rejoinder.  "They 
could  not  have  done  anything  at  all,  if  it  had  not 
been  for  me.  On  the  spur  of  the  moment  I  made  a 
suggestion." 

"  A  suggestion — what  was  it,  pray  ?" 

"  One,  I  think,  that  evinced  both  ingenuity  and 
common  sense.  I  simply  said  that  since  mice  were 
beginning  to  get  scarce,  it^were  better  not  to  attempt 
any  very  extensive  captures.  Let  one  animal  be 
caught,  taken  in,  and  shown  to  the  doctor,  brought 
back  and  handed  to  the  next  student,  and  so  on  in 
succession,  till  the  wants  of  the  whole  institute  were 
served." 

"  How  did  that  plan  succeed  ?"  was  the  next 
inquiry. 

"Admirably,  admirably,"  was  the  answer,  "every- 
thing that  I  saw  fit  to  hint,  seemed  to  succeed. 
There  sat  Doctor  Skinner,  representative  of  the 
oldest,  and  noblest,  and  most  aristocratic  family  in 
New  Jersey,  with  his  antiquated  grey  shawl  around 
him,  busily  engaged  in  looking  over  a  list  of  charges 
against  each  boy,  and  now  and  then  effacing  a  de- 
merit. The  Doctor  was  satisfied,  the  boys  were 
satisfied,  I  was  satisfied,  every  one  around  the  estab- 
lishment was  satisfied,  till  in  the  long  run  the  prin- 


Guy  Averall.  235 

cipal  person  in  the  school,  to  use  a  slang  phrase, 
literally  began  to  '  smell  a  mice.'  " 
''Well,  what  was  the  result  ?" 
"The  result  might  easily  be  foreseen,"  was  the 
rejoinder.  "  The  Doctor  stationed  himself  behind 
a  door,  in  the  way  a  New  Jerseyman  alone  could  do, 
watched  one  boy  handing  the  animal  to  another,  and 
was  thus  the  discoverer  of  my  ingeniously  contrived 
plot." 

"That  was  too  bad,"  said  Petersen. 
"Bad!  I  rather  imagine  it  was,"  responded  the 
bard.     *'  It  put  an  end  to  one  of  the  most  capitally 
devised  plans  that   I   ever  had  the  honor  of  invent- 
ing.    The  doctor,  in  particular,   seemed  very  indig- 
nant, and  told  his  wife  that  the  double  dealing  and 
waywardness  of  young  men   of  the  present  genera- 
tion was  simply  beyond  his  comprehension,  and  this 
mouse   affair,    in   particular,  had  a  very  bad  look 
about  it.     Next  morning  he  assembled  all  the  boys 
in  his  study    and  gave  them  a  long  lecture  on  the 
numerous  enormities  of  which  they  had  been  guilty. 
He  told  them  that  any  body  of  young  men,  who 
would  behave  in  such  a  disingenuous  manner  towards 
their   teacher,   as   they   evidently  had  done,  could 
never  expect  to  succeed  in  this  world,  and  as  to  the 
world   to   come,    their  case  was  simply  desperate. 
He  then  ordered  the   students  to  still  continue  their 
exertions  against  the  mouse  as  a  truly  mischievous 
and  destructive   animal.     "But  boys,"  said  he,  by 
way   of  conclusion,  "in    case    any   more   mice   are 
caught,   I   shall  insist  on  having  the  prize  brought 
into    my  study.     I  shall  place    him  lengthwise  on 
a  chopping  block,   and  there  and  then,  as  a  safe- 


236  Guy  Averall 

guard  against  double  dealing,  I  shall  instantly  order 
his  tail  to  be  cut  off !" 

This  cutting  off  the  tail  of  a  mouse,  for  the  sake 
of  good  order  and  discipline,  was  rather  too  much 
for  me.  I  was  completely  disgusted,  in  fact,  with 
this  sample  of  New  Jersey  ingenuity.  So  the  very 
next  morning  I  bundled  up  my  effects,  sought  my 
beans  in  another  quarter  of  the  world,  came  into 
Newark  and  enlisted. 

IV. 
But  notwithstanding  the  story-telling  capacity 
evinced  in  this  and  in  other  similar  narratives,  the 
life  in  Florida  began,  in  the  long  run,  to  pall.  As  to 
the  natural  curiosities  of  the  State,  the  subject  had 
long  ago  been  exhausted;  rattlesnakes  had  been 
killed,  alligators  had  been  caught  with  hook  and  line, 
and  as  to  nests  of  scorpions,  they  had  been  exter- 
minated again  and  again,  till  the  thing  had  lost  all 
novelty;  nay  further,  even  these  wonderful  epiphytes, 
which  grow  on  the  trees  along  the  water-courses,  and 
of  whose  beauty  and  variety  your  genuine  Floridian 
is  resolved  eternally  to  boast — even  these  were  dis- 
missed as  things  of  very  little  account.  "  Better 
twenty  years  of  Europe  than  a  cycle  of  Cathay" 
became  eventually  the  prevailing  sentiment.  As  to 
the  progress  of  the  *'  war,"  its  history  might  be  given 
in  the  words  of  the  old  song : 

For  thirteen  long  months  did  I  serve  in  the  Everglade, 
Neck  deep  in  debt,  and  full  waist-deep  in  mud; 

O'er  dirty  lagoon,  and  through  streams  I  could  never  wade, 
Battling  it  bravely  but  spilling  no  blood. 

As  the  summer  wore  on,  the  heat  at  Fort  Myers 


Guy  Ave  rail.  237 

became  at  times  oppressive,  and  a  good  many  of  the 
men  began  to  suffer  from  the  complaints  incident  to 
such  a  climate;  indeed,  Averall  himself  was  a  martyr, 
for  a  while,  in  this  respect;  and  only  escaped  the 
boneyard  by  the  aid  of  liberal  doses  of  quinine  and 
sulphuric  acid,  assisted  by  Avhat  must  candidly  be 
set  down  as  a  good  natural  constitution.     The  ex- 
perience already  obtained  of  the  interior  of  Florida, 
back  of  Fort  Myers,  was  not  a  pleasant  one;  and  in 
addition  it  was  recollected  that  during  the  previous 
war  very  grave  blunders  had  been  committed  by  the 
officers  sent  in  charge  of  troops,   and  the   question 
now  presented  itself,  were  these  errors  likely  to  be 
repeated,  in  case  it  became  necessary  to  drive  the 
Indians  to  extremities  ?     Some  of  the  soldiers  had 
heard  the  narrative  of  Private  Ransom  Clarke,  who 
went  out  as  a  member  of  the  command  under  Major 
Dade,    in    December,    1835,   and   who   fortunately 
escaped  the  massacre  which  took  place  on  the  route 
between  Tampa  Bay  and  Fort  King,  on  the  28th  of 
that  month.     Of  the    117    men  in  that  expedition, 
three  only  escaped  the  general  slaughter;  and  the 
inquiry  now  was  made,  would  officers  be  so  ignorant 
as    to    march    men  in  solid  column,  through   the 
woods,  without  either  scouts  or  skirmish  line  before 
them.     It  was  hoped  not,  and  yet  what  guarantee 
could  be  obtained  against  errors  of  a  similar  nature? 
So  all  that  was  left  to  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  was 
to  remain  at  their  posts,  like  good  soldiers;  to  do  as 
they  were  ordered  on  all  occasions;  and  to  preserve 
even    amidst   the   mosquitoes   and    rattlesnakes   of 
Florida,  a  cheerful,  contented,  and  willing  spirit. 
As  the  event  however  turned  out,  the  fortitude  of 


238  Guy  Averall. 

the  Regiment  was  not  put  to  a  very  severe  test;  for 
the  authorities  in  Washington,  warned  probably  by 
the  expense  and  waste  of  life  that  were  incurred 
during  the  previous  war,  made  up  their  minds  not  to 
drive  the  Indians  to  hostilities.  General  Twiggs 
again  came  to  Fort  Myers,  another  deputation  was 
sent  into  the  woods,  and  again  Master  Bowlegs,  and 
some  of  his  braves,  entered  into  a  fresh  "  talk  "  with 
the  pale-faces.  This  time  it  was  proposed  that  any 
of  the  Indians  who  would  emigrate  west,  should  re- 
ceive a  tract  of  land  for  their  use,  a  year's  provisions, 
four  blankets,  a  pint  of  beads,  and  a  rifle;  but  any  of 
them  who  remained  in  Florida  and  ventured  north 
of  a  line  drawn  from  Fort  Myers  to  Lake  Okee-cho- 
bee,  would  be  hung.  Mr.  Bowlegs  received  the  latter 
part  of  the  proposition  in  sullen  silence,  and  then 
said  that  Florida  belonged  to  him  and  there  he  pro- 
posed to  remain.  Some  of  his  people,  however, 
chose  to  look  at  the  matter  in  a  different  light,  and 
finally  about  one-half  of  the  Seminoles  agreed  to 
accept  the  terms  offered  by  the  United  States,  and 
emigrate  west  of  the  Mississippi.  Mr.  Bowlegs  then 
made  his  acknowledgments,  and  said  he  had  no  desire 
to  go  to  war,  that  bad  men  in  Florida,  for  their  own 
purposes,  had  represented  him  as  an  enemy  to  the 
Great  Father,  but  such  was  not  the  case,  that  the 
Seminoles  had  already  suffered  enough  in  encounter 
with  the  United  States,  that  all  he  desired  was  to  be 
left  alone  in  the  possession  of  his  own  dear  swamps 
and  Everglades,  and  provided  he  were  allowed  to 
hunt  deer,  and  kill  bear  in  that  romantic  locality,  he 
would  ever  remain  as  good  and  as  quiet  an  Indian 
as  could  be  found  between  the  rising  and  setting  sun. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  239 

On  these  terms  then  a  bargain  was  struck;  Mr.  Bow- 
legs returned  to  the  country  south  of  the  Caloosa- 
hatchie,  the  Indians  who  had  consented  to  emigrate 
came  to  Fort  Myers,  and  in  due  time  were  dispatched 
to  New  Orleans  by  the  Fashion,  while  to  crown  all, 
in  about  a  month  from  this  period,  some  troops  who 
had  been  serving  at  Fort  Pickens  in  the  western  part 
of  the  State,  were  sent  to  Fort  Myers,  in  order  to 
exchange  stations  with  the  garrison  at  that  place. 
This  change  of  posts,  it  may  be  observed,  seemed 
almost  a  matter  of  necessity,  for  fully  one-third  of 
the  garrison  on  the  Caloosahatchie,  at  the  time  the 
transfer  was  made,  were  prostrated  by  a  sort  of  in- 
termittent fever,  which  seemed  to  bid  defiance  to  all 
the  drugs  and  physic  that  could  be  employed  against 
it.  Even  Spruce  and  Taper,  gallant  soldiers  though 
they  were,  both  vowed  they  had  enough  of  the  south- 
ern extremity  of  Florida. 

A  vast  amount  of  sentiment  has  been  expended 
on  the  Indians  of  America;  and  in  particular  their 
fighting  qualities  have  been  highly  extolled,  but  if 
we  examine  carefully  into  the  case,  we  will  find  that 
this  particular  characteristic  has  been  much  exag- 
gerated, and  that  in  real  willingness  to  face  danger 
the  Indian  is,  after  all,  decidedly  inferior  to  the 
white.  The  savage  is  the  creature  of  wiles,  of  pre- 
tences, of  stratagems;  give  him  the  advantage  of 
number  and  position,  station  him  in  a  hammock  or 
swamp,  till  his  enemy  is  completely  in  his  grasp,  and 
he  will  soon  exterminate  him.  But  he  is  not  the  per- 
son to  defy  a  whole  host,  by  any  means;  or  even  to 
expose  himself  to  marked  danger,  from  a  mere  sense 

of  duty,  in  the  way  that  the  professional  soldier  habitu- 
16 


240  Guy  Aver  all. 

ally  does.  Still  as  compared  with  other  savages,  the 
American  Indian  has,  in  many  respects,  the  advan- 
tage. "Attentive  observers,"  says  Doctor  Prichard, 
"  have  been  struck  with  manifestations  of  greater 
energy  and  martial  vigor,  of  more  intense  and  deeper 
feeling,  of  a  more  reflective  mind,  of  greater  fortitude 
and  more  consistent  perseverance  in  enterprises  than 
is  found  among  the  volatile  and  almost  animalized 
savages  who  are  still  to  be  found  in  some  quarters  of 
the  old  continent."  All  of  this,  of  course,  is  in  the 
Indian's  favor;  but  when  we  attribute  to  the  Semi- 
nole and  Pawnee  the  elevated  sentiments  of  the 
cultivated  white  man,  in  the  way  Mayne  Reid  or 
James  Fenimore  Cooper  have  done,  the  attempt  at 
the  very  best  is  simply  preposterous. 

V. 

That  portion  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  of 
which  Guy  Averall  was  a  member,  remained  only  a 
short  time  at  Fort  Pickens,  when  it  was  sent  to  Camp 
Twiggs  in  the  State  of  Mississippi;  and  thence, 
after  a  stay  of  a  few  weeks,  it  was  ordered  to  take 
post  at  New  Orleans  Barracks.  At  the  latter  place 
it  remained  about  a  month,  when  fresh  directions 
came  to  pack  up  once  more  and  proceed  to  its  old 
rendezvous  at  Fort  Columbus.  During  these  changes 
of  station,  nothing  of  much  moment  occurred,  as 
far  as  an  immediate  narrative  is  concerned,  unless 
indeed  we  notice  one  or  two  trifling  circumstances 
which  certainly  ought  to  have  had  some  little  influ- 
ence in  showing  Guy  Averall  that  there  are  rogues  as 
well  as  honest  men  in  the  world,  and  that  it  will  not 
answer  to  trust  too  much  to  specious  pretensions.    At 


Guy  Aver  all.  241 

Fort  Pickens  was  a  Corporal,  Alexander  A.  Brown 
by  name,  who  gloried  in  the  fact  that  he  was  an 
Englishman,  The  occupation  of  Corporal  Brown 
was  not  a  very  elevated  one,  for  by  a  strange  viola- 
tion of  those  orders  which  forbid  the  employment  of 
an  enlisted  man  in  a  menial  capacity,  he  had  been 
lately  engaged  as  cook  in  the  officers'  mess.  The 
Corporal,  nevertheless,  bore  himself  with  great  dig- 
nity, in  spite  of  all  that,  and  even  ventured  to  boast, 
now  and  then,  of  that  superlative  honesty  which  is 
supposed  to  be  the  characteristic  of  every  native  of 
proud  Albion.  "  Yes,  sir,  talk  as  you  please,  Hing- 
land,  sir,  is  the  country  where  hall  men  are  obliged 
to  do  right ;  no  chance  of  a  man  being  a  swindler 
there,  with  the  Queen,  lords  and  commons  above 
him."  And  so  impressed  was  Averall  with  this  con- 
stant talk  of  the  "  Queen,  lords  and  commons,"  that 
he  fondly  imagined  the  good  Corporal  to  be  one  of 
the  most  honest  personages  in  the  world,  spite  of 
some  warnings  he  had  received  to  the  contrary. 

Now  among  the  possessions  of  Averall,  at  this 
time,  was  a  very  pretty  copy  of  Gray's  poems,  given 
to  him  by  a  relative,  just  before  he  set  out  on  his 
adventures,  and  prized  as  a  memento  accordingly. 
Corporal  Brown,  on  one  occasion,  when  returning  a 
visit  from  Guy,  espied  the  volume  as  it  lay  in  the 
bottom  of  Averall's  locker,  and  immediately  request- 
ed the  loan  of  it.  "  I  think  a  great  deal  of  Gray  as  a 
poet,"  was  his  cunning  remark,  born  in  Lunnun  on 
the  twenty-sixth  day  of  December,  17 16,  he  died  at 
Cambridge,  of  the  gout,  on  the  thirteenth  day  of  July, 
177 1,  aged  fifty-five  years.  Gray  wrote  that  beautiful 
poem  they  call  the  Helegy."    Was  it  possible  to  resist 


242  Guy  Averall. 

an  array  of  sentiment  and  statistics  such  as  this  ?  Guy 
could  not,  and  when  his  friend  asked  permission  to 
borrow  the  volume,  Averall  told  the  Corporal  to  take 
the  book,  retain  it  as  long  as  he  liked  and  afterwards 
return  it  at  his  convenience. 

In  about  a  fortnight  afterwards,  Averall  heard 
that  the  non-commissioned  officer  was  to  be  dis- 
charged, his  term  of  service  having  now  expired,  so 
he  thought  it  no  harm  to  go  over  to  the  cook  house 
and  ask  for  the  volume  already  borrowed.  As  soon 
as  the  word  "  Gray's  poems  "  was  mentioned,  a  blank 
expression  passed  over  the  features  of  the  unfortu- 
nate Brown.  *'  Oh,  my  friend,  my  friend,  my  very 
dear  friend,  I  ham  so  sorry  for  you.  I  hintended  to 
to  return  the  poems  before  now,  and  should  certain- 
ly have  done  so  haccording  to  my  intentions,  but  the 
book  is  stolen — the  book  is  stolen — hand  I  now  can 
find  neither  'ed  or  tail  of  hit."  Guy  felt,  at  first, 
somewhat  disconcerted  at  this  untoward  accident  ; 
he  nevertheless  told  the  Corporal  not  to  pay  any 
attention  to  the  affair  ;  that  the  money  value  of  the 
article,  after  all,  was  not  great,  and  since  it  was  gone, 
there  was  now  no  use  in  uttering  any  further  regrets 
on  the  subject. 

Two  days  afterwards  a  discovery  was  made;  for 
Averall,  while  passing  the  bunk  occupied  by  a  fel- 
low-soldier, happened  to  spy  the  volume  reported  as 
lost,  thrust  between  a  pair  of  blankets.  An  expla- 
nation soon  followed.  ''  Where  did  you  get  that 
book,  you  rascal.?"  exclaimed  the  irate  Guy,  to  the 
occupant  of  the  place. 

*'  Don't  call  me  a  rascal  or  I'll  punch  your  eye 
out.  I  purchased  that  book  this  morning  from 
Corporal  Brown,  for  the  sum  of  fifty  cents." 


Guy  Averall.  243 

"  Purchased  that  book  from  Corporal  Brown  for 
the  sum  of  fifty  cents  !"  repeated  the  astonished  Guy. 
"  He  told  me  the  book  was  stolen  from  him  a  couple 
of  days  ago,  and  that  he  had  been  hunting  high  up 
and  low  down,  for  the  missing  volume,  but  could  not 
find  it." 

"  He  did  !  Why  the  sneaking,  hungry,  dog-rob- 
bing thief,  he  does  not  utter  a  word  of  truth  in  the 
matter.  As  to  myself  I  did  not  care  about  purchas- 
ing the  book  at  all,  since  it  contains  nothing  but  a 
lot  of  fool  poetry;  but  the  mean  little  hound  came 
to  me  the  second  time,  and  said  that  in  case  I  ever 
fell  in  love,  the  book  would  be  a  very  nice  present 
for  a  lady;  so  in  order  to  get  rid  of  the  troublesome 
little  insect,  I  gave  him  the  money  and  let  him  go." 

"Well,  well,"  said  Guy,"  this  really  astonishes 
me,  I  never  will  trust  a  human  being,  as  long  as  I 
live.  This  man  made  the  most  specious  pretences, 
and  after  all  I  find  him  to  be  the  most  despicable 
little  rascal  that  ever  I  met.  However,  he  has  not 
got  his  discharge  as  yet,  so  I  will  go  over  to  the  offi- 
cers' cook  house  and  frighten  him  if  I  do  nothing  else." 

Guy  accordingly  did  go  over  to  the  officers') 
quarters,  and  found  Corporal  Brown  there,  who  dared 
not  deny  a  single  word  of  the  charge  laid  against 
him.  At  first  Averall  threatened  to  report  the  facts 
of  the  case  to  Brown's  Captain;  but  finally,  after 
thinking  over  the  affair,  he  determined  to  let  the 
matter  go,  rather  than  injure  a  man  who  was  just  on 
the  point  of  leaving  the  service. 


OLD  FRIENDS. 

I. 

It  was  a  bright  and  cheerful  morning,  in  the  early 
spring,  when  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  after  an 
absence  of  some  fifteen  months,  again  reached  their 
old  quarters  at  Fort  Columbus.  As  they  approached 
Governor's  Island,  everything  they  saw  seemed  to 
remind  them  of  their  former  residence  at  that  place. 
The  dear  old  barracks,  in  which  they  once  were 
quartered,  were  still  there;  the  familiar  flag-staff, 
situated  in  one  of  the  bastions  of  the  fort;  the  row 
of  poplar  trees,  near  the  water  edge,  where  Guy 
Averall  first  met  that  Mentor,  who  had  proved  him- 
self to  be  his  best  friend  while  serving  in  Florida; 
nay,  further,  the  quiet,  sleek-looking  Quartermaster's 
horse,  which  was  turned  out  to  graze,  hear  the  foot 
of  the  glacis,  all  seemed  to  be  unchanged  since  the 
Twenty-sixth  Artillery  had  left  the  place.  And  let 
no  one  imagine  that  Uniied  States  soldiers  are  desti- 
tute of  love  and  affection  as  respects  those  localities 
in  which  they  once  more  quartered.  Indeed  the  con- 
trary is  well  known  to  be  the  case,  for  in  the  absence 
of  more  specific  ties  they  learn  to  cherish  the  memory 
of  those  particular  localities  in  which  any  very  con- 
siderable proportion  of  their  life  is  spent.  Every 
spot  in  such  circumstances  has  its  chain  of  associa- 
tions; every  nook  and  corner  its  little  tale  of  adven- 
ture on  romance;  at  one  place  the  soldier,  perchance, 
244 


Guy  Aver  all.  245 

remembers  he  was  entrapped,  while  passing  a  chain 
of  sentinels,  by  a  vigilant  officer  of  the  day;  at 
another  he  actually  succeeded  in  evading  a  wily 
Sergeant  of  the  Guard,  spite  of  the  fact  that  the  hour 
was  long  after  tattoo,  and  that  the  adventurous  run- 
nagate  had  in  his  possession  at  the  time,  no  less  an 
article  than  a  closely  corked  bottle  of  whiskey.  But 
whatever  sentimental  notions  the  Twenty-sixth  Artil- 
lery might  have  on  this  particular  occasion  were  all 
quickly  dispelled;  for  then  and  there,  upon  the  wharf 
of  Governor's  Island,  stood  the  gallant  Brigadier  her- 
self, waiting  anxiously  to  receive  them.  "  Oh  my 
dear  good  children,  my  dear  good  children,  I  am  so 
very  glad  to  see  you,"  was  her  exclamation  as  the 
troops  touched  the  shore,  "  why  what  a  very  delight- 
ful excursion  you  have  had,  during  the  past  few 
months,  in  that  very  charming  country,  Florida. 
Why  Sergeant  Lawless,  you  are  the  very  beau  ideal 
of  a  noble-looking  non-commissioned  officer;  and 
Averall,  you  are  really,  to  my  notion,  the  finest 
young  soldier  at  present  in  the  Army."  And  then 
as  the  officers  came  up  in  succession,  Mrs.  Daisy 
threw  her  magnificent  arms  around  each  one  in  the 
most  motherly  way  imaginable,  and  gave  him  a  good 
sound  buss,  as  expressive  of  the  joy  she  felt  at  see- 
ing her  old  Regiment  once  more  in  New  York 
Harbor.  This  preliminary  matter  being  settled,  both 
officers  and  men  were  then  informed  that  during  the 
absence  of  the  Regiment  in  Florida,  she  had  met 
with  an  unusual  piece  of  good  luck,  that  Captain 
Daisy,  "  her  own  good  Tom,"  the  *'  best  and  dearest 
man  that  ever  existed,"  had  been  promoted  to  a  full 
Majority  in  the  United  States  Army,  and  was  now 


246  Guy  Aver  all. 

assigned  to  duty  with  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery. 
"  My  dear  Mr.  Spruce,"  said  the  lady,  after  detailing 
this  piece  of  good  fortune,  "I  fully  intend  to  cele- 
brate the  event,  in  a  manner  befitting  the  occasion, 
I  propose  that  Tom  shall  apply  for  a  six  months' 
leave  of  absence,  and  as  soon  as  he  can  obtain  it,  I 
intend  we  both  shall  set  off,  in  order  to  visit  some  of 
the  principal  cities  of  Europe.  A  trip  of  this  kind 
I'm  sure  would  be  delightful,  and  it  is  nothing  more 
than  the  Major's  due,  considering  his  rank  and 
length  of  service.  This  morning,  by  the  way,  I  had 
quite  a  little  excursion  of  my  own.  I  was  visiting 
that  dear  and  delightful  country,  Switzerland;  and  in 
the  course  of  an  hour  or  two,  I  had  already  seen 
Lake  Zug,  and  climbed  on  the  top  of  Mount  Righi, 
and  sailed  on  the  Lake  of  the  Four  Cantons;  and 
after  taking  Unterseen  and  Interlaken  in  my  way,  I 
came  down  to  Vevey  and  the  Castle  of  Chillon,  where 
I  spent  a  short  time,  and  I  finally  got  into  the  vale  of 
Chamouni,  by  way  of  the  Tete  Noire,  nor  did  I  rest 
for  a  moment  till  I  ascended  the  top  of  Mount 
Blanc,  which  we  all  know  to  be  the  very  highest 
mountain  in  the -whole  of  Europe.  The  trip  was 
delightful  I  assure  you." 

"I  dare   say  it  was,"  rejoined  the   officer,  "but 
did  you  not  find  it  somewhat  fatiguing,  to  travel  so 


very  far  during  one  cold  morning?  " 

"  It  was  all  done  in  the  imagination — it  was  all 
done  in  the  imagination  and  I  was  perfectly  charmed 
with  it.  Tol-de-re-lol-lol,  tol-de-re-lol-lol,  oh  the 
vale  of  Chamouni.  Tol-de-re-lol-lol,  tol-de-re-lol- 
lol,  the  vale,  the  vale  of  Chamouni."  And  in  a 
thrice,  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy  began  rattling  off  a  well- 


Guy  Avcrall.  247 

known  air  from  Linda  di  Chamouni  in  a  way  that 
was  perfectly  astonishing. 

In  the  course  of  a  short  time,  the  men  had  un- 
loaded their  effects  from  the  transport ;  and  on  their 
way  up  to  the  barracks,  it  was  noticed  that  Miss 
Davis,  the  lady  whom  Averall  had  particularly 
observed  the  night  of  the  Chapeau  bras,  was  on  her 
way  in  the  direction  of  the  wharf,  accompanied  by  a 
somewhat  obstreperous  specimen  of  humanity  in  the 
person  of  young  Hector  Daisy.  The  boy  was  shout- 
ing in  a  way  which  was  almost  terrific  ;  his  precept- 
ress, however,  endeavored  to  pacify  him  as  well  as 
she  possibly  could,  and  then  shook  hands  with  such 
of  the  officers  as  she  knew,  by  way  of  welcome  to 
their  old  station.  And  the  officers  if  the  truth  must 
be  told,  were  somewhat  glad  to  see  Miss  Davis,  for 
in  spite  of  the  love  and  affection  displayed  by  her 
aunt  in  meeting  them,  they  could  not  forget  that  the 
younger  lady  was  generally  recognized  as  the  more 
evenly  balanced  personage  in  the  domestic  establish- 
ment of  the  good  Major;  although  as  far  as  questions 
of  taste  and  talent  and  bon  ton  were  concerned,  the 
Brigadier  of  course,  was  acknowledged  to  be  the 
better  authority.  And  Guy  Averall,  it  must  be  con- 
fessed, shared  in  this  feeling  to  some  extent  also  ; 
for  as  he  looked  for  a  moment  at  that  pretty  and 
sensible  face,  he  felt  inclined  to  take  a  good  deal  on 
trust  in  the  case  of  its  owner ;  even  admitting  that 
as  far  as  fine  manners  were  concerned,  Mrs.  Daisy 
was  decidedly  the  superior  woman. 

The  first  few  days  after  the  arrival  of  the  troops, 
they  were  occupied  in  putting  their  quarters  in  order; 
this  work  completed,  Guy  applied  for  leave  of  absence 


248  Guy  Ave  rail. 

for  twenty-four  hours,  and  was  fortunate  enough  to 
obtain  this  indulgence.  The  time  employed  in  this 
vacation  passed  away  very  pleasantly ;  for  after 
reaching  New  York,  our  young  friend  saw  fit  to 
cross  the  North  River,  and  before  very  long,  he 
gained  the  commercial  capital  of  the  Jerseys.  The 
farm  occuoied  by  Mr.  Gore,  his  former  employer, 
was  soon  reached,  and  there  he  met  with  a  very 
hearty  greeting.  "  What  kind  of  a  place  is  the 
Army.'  "  "  Are  soldiers  severely  punished  in  it  ?  " 
**  Is  there  much  chance  of  a  person  who  enlists  be- 
coming a  General  ? "  Guy  endeavored  to  answer 
these  questions  as  well  as  he  could,  but  was  compelled 
to  acknowledge  that  the  chance  of  an  enlisted  man 
obtaining  a  commission  in  the  Army,  as  things  now 
stood,  was  very  small  indeed  ;  that  not  a  single  pro- 
motion of  this  kind  has  taken  place  for  several  years, 
and  in  short  that  some  of  the  authorities  seemed 
rather  indisposed  to  advance  enlisted  men  in  this 
way.  This  information,  which  was  correct  enough 
just  then,  served  to  create  considerable  surprise 
on  the  part  of  Mr.  Gore,  who  added  that  if  this 
were  so,  the  Atnerican  Army  was  not  a  fit  place  for 
any  decent,  respectable,  well  disposed  young  man. 
In  response,  nevertheless,  Averall  endeavored  to  ex- 
plain, that  in  spite  of  untoward  circumstances,  many 
soldiers  were  both  honest  and  honorable  men.  But 
the  farmer  chose  to  exhibit  his  prejudice  by  saying 
if  they  were  honest  and  honorable  men,  the  service 
was  no  place  for  them.  To  which  remark  Guy  made 
answer  that  he  was  sorry  to  hear  Mr.  Gore  express 
himself  in  this  way,  and  thus  the  subject  was  dropped. 
Still  Averall  was  doomed  to  disappointment  in  an- 


Guy  Averall.  249 

other  direction.  During  his  absence,  he  had  occa- 
sionally imagined  that  perchance  his  former  flame, 
Miss  Jones,  might  remain  true  to  him.  But  Jessie, 
that  dear,  sweet  Jessie  on  whom  Averall  had  once  so 
fondly  doated,  had  gone  the  way  of  all  flesh — that 
is  to  say  she  had  undertaken  the  responsibilities 
and  care  of  wedded  life.  Some  months  previous 
to  this  time,  she  and  her  old  admirer,  John  Harry 
Blasedell,  had  been  married. 

II. 

On  returning  to  Fort  Columbus,  after  his  visit  to 
the  Jerseys,  Guy  Averall  began  cogitating  on  the 
present  aspect  of  his  affairs.  He  still  felt  somewhat 
annoyed  that  his  old  flame  had  got  married,  but  on 
reflecting  on  the  subject  for  a  moment,  he  had  to 
acknowledge  that  in  all  probability  the  thing  was  for 
the  best.  "If  I  were  to  get  mated,"  said  he,  "what 
would  become  of  my  wife  ?  Descend  to  the  grade 
of  laundress  in  the  Company  ?  Well,  that  to  Miss 
Jessie  and  also  to  me  would  certainly  be  a  step  in 
the  wrong  direction.  So  as  to  this  thing  of  marry- 
ing or  giving  in  marriage,  while  serving  in  the  ranks, 
I  suppose  I  will  simply  have  to  give  it  up.  Still  I 
have  some  of  my  old  resources  at  hand;  and  books, 
we  must  admit,  are  never  quarrelsome  compan- 
ions. By  the  way,  would  it  not  be  well  to  take  up 
some  subject,  as  a  study,  instead  of  wasting  my 
time  in  desultory  efforts  ?  There  is  Moldwell,  for 
instance,  a  well  informed  and  sensible  man,  perhaps 
I  could  get  him  to  join  me  in  some  one  line  of 
investigation.  And  yet,  per  contra,  does  it  follow 
that  this  pursuit  of  knowledge  under  difficulties,  is 


250  Gity  Ave  rail. 

worth  one-half  of  the  pains  expended  on  it  ?  Will  it 
make  me  more  contented  with  my  lot;  or  better 
able  to  discharge  such  duties  as  I  am  required  to 
perform  in  the  Army  ?  Might  I  not  say  with 
Milton  : 

Alas  !  what  boots  it  with  incessant  care, 

To  tend  the  homely  slighted  shepherd's  trade; 

And  strictly  meditate  the  thanlcless  Muse  ? 

Were  it  not  better  done,  as  others  use, 

To  sport  with  Amaryllis  in  the  shade, 

Or  with  the  tangles  of  Neaera's  hair  ? 

And  with  this  quotation,  which  Guy  had  picked 
up  by  accident  in  his  miscellaneous  reading,  all 
effort  at  mental  improvement  for  the  present  termi- 
nated. In  truth,  an  event  occurred,  just  then,  which 
gave  the  thoughts  of  Averall  an  entirely  new  direc- 
tion; for  that  very  evening  he  was  informed  the 
gallant  Major  Daisy  had  selected  the  youth  as  his 
orderly. 

Guy  received  the  intelligence  implied  in  this  an- 
nouncement in  the  way  that  a  good  soldier  is  bound 
to  do.  He  accordingly  spruced  himself  up,  so  as  to 
look  as  neat  and  tidy  as  possible,  and  on  reporting 
at  the  quarters  of  the  commanding  officer,  he  was 
received  by  the  amiable  Brigadier  herself,  in  a  man- 
ner which  sufficiently  expressed  her  usual  goodness 
of  heart.  ''  Oh,  Averall,  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you. 
How  do  you  do  ''  Just  take  a  seat  in  the  hallway, 
after  you  report  to  the  Major,  so  as  to  be  within 
call.  Why,  Averall,  I  understand  you  are  very 
much  interested  in  some  of  the  young  ladies  in 
Rotten  Row." 

**  I  was  not  aware  of  the  fact,"  responded  Guy 
very  meekly. 


Guy  Aver  all.  251 

"  Well  I  must  have  been  misinformed,"  was  the 
rejoinder,  "  but  then,  I  have  so  little  curiosity,  that 
I  seldom  take  the  trouble  of  making  any  inquiry  on 
these  subjects.  I  really  never  concern  myself  in  the 
affairs  of  a  garrison." 

In  spite  of  the  self  denial  implied  in  the  fore- 
going remark,  it  was  evident  to  Averall  that  Mrs. 
Daisy  would  gladly  have  prosecuted  her  inquiries 
on  the  present  occasion.  But  at  this  juncture,  un- 
fortunately, the  catechising  was  cut  short,  for  the 
gallant  Hector  siow  made  his  appearance,  howling 
as  usual  at  the  top  of  his  voice. 

"  Mamma,  mamma,  mamma  [howl]  I  can't  stand 
this — I  can't  stand  this — I  can't  stand  this.  Cousin 
Eleanor  has  taken  away  my  cake.  She  says  I  can't 
have  any  sponge  cake  for  breakfast,  and  that's  a 
shame.  I  want  my  cake — I  want  my  cake — I  want 
my  cake."  And  here  the  gallant  Hector  emitted  a 
series  of  bawls  which  made  the  house  resound  from 
basement  to  garret. 

"Why,  Hector,  Hector,"  said  Mrs,  Daisy  in 
reply.  "  Sponge  cake,  you  know,  is  not  a  proper 
article  to  eat  so  early  in  the  morning.  The  night 
before  last  you  ate  a  whole  plateful  of  it,  and  the 
consequence  was,  you  were  very  sick  indeed,  and 
had  to  take  medicine,  and  that  you  know  is  not 
pleasant.  You  should  strive  to  be  a  little  man,  and 
not  think  so  much  of  eating.  Before  very  long  we 
intend  to  send  you  to  West  Point,  to  be  educated 
for  an  officer,  so  mathematics  is  the  thing  you  ought 
to  be  thinking  of  at  present,  not  that  vile  sponge 
cake.  Now  go  to  cousin  Eleanor,  and  commence 
saying  your  lessons.     You  will  be  a  great,  brave, 


252  Guy  Ave  rail. 

noble,  and  gallant  officer  yet;  one  that  will  do  excel- 
lent service  for  your  country." 

*'  Bah,  bah,  bah,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "  I  don't 
care  about  mathematics,  or  I  don't  care  about  being 
an  officer,  or  I  don't  care  about  West  Point;  all  I 
want  is  cake,  cake,  cake,  and  you  wont  give  me  a  bit 
of  it  from  morning  to  night.  Bah,  bah,  bah.  You 
have  just  made  up  your  mind  to  starve  me." 

And  with  these  words  the  noble  Hector  started 
down  the  hallway,  howling  all  the  time,  till  finally 
Miss  Davis  took  him  in  charge,  ana  commenced  her 
usual  morning  task;  drumming  a  little  music  into 
Master  Daisy's  head,  and  teaching  him  the  varia- 
tions of  the  verbs  avoir  and  etre. 

III. 

During  his  tour  of  duty  at  the  quarters  of  the 
commanding  officer,  Guy  Averall  had  frequent 
opportunities  of  observing,  once  more,  those  customs 
which  obtain  in  polite  society;  and  was  moreover 
pleased  to  find  that  although  somewhat  eccentric  in 
her  ways,  a  sincere  desire  for  mental  improvement 
was  very  evident  on  the  Brigadier's  part.  One  day, 
for  instance,  it  was  noticed  that  Miss  Eleanor  and 
Mrs.  Daisy  were  closeted  together,  with  a  big  book 
before  them;  and  that  the  latter  lady  seemed  much 
interested  in  the  science  of  astronomy. 

*'  Now  Eleanor,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy,  "  there  is  one 
question  in  which  I  am  very  much  concerned.  What 
does  the  .word  ecliptic  mean  ?" 

''Why  aunt,"  said  the  other,  by  way  of  explana- 
tion, "  the  plane  of  the  ecliptic  is  that  plane  in 
which  the  earth  revolves  in  the  course  of  a  year." 


Guy  Aver  all.  253 

"And  the  equator  ?'* 

"The  plane  of  the  equator  is  a  plane  passing 
through  the  centre  of  the  earth,  perpendicular  to  its 
axis." 

"  Then  the  ecliptic  and  the  equator  are  not  the 
same  thing,  are  they  ?"  asked  Mrs.  Daisy. 

"By  no  means,"  was  the  response.  And  here 
Miss  Davis,  who  seemed  to  have  a  very  good  knowl- 
edge of  the  subject,  vouchsafed  an  explanation 
which  seemed  to  set  the  matter  in  a  very  clear  light. 
That  explanation  was  not  lost  on  the  Brigadier,  for 
the  very  next  morning,  when  crossing  over  to  the 
city,  the  lady  broached  the  subject  of  astronomy  to 
Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper,  and  astonished  both  the 
officers  by  a  discussion  on  the  nature  of  the  ecliptic 
which  would  almost  have  done  credit  to  the  great 
Newton  himself.  In  point  of  fact  the  information 
extracted  from  Miss  Davis,  was  given  word  for  word, 
with  such  addenda  as  her  aunt  saw  fit  to  interpose. 
Could  any  one  say,  after  this  deny  the  fact  that  the 
Brigadier  was  destitute  of  scientific  attainments  ? 

Before  very  long  indeed,  Guy  Averall  had  reason 
to  suspect  that  a  very  considerable  proportion  of  the 
knowledge  possessed  by  Mrs.  Daisy  was  supplied 
second  hand  the  same  way;  for  whenever  the  elder 
lady  was  at  a  loss  for  information  on  any  subject, 
the  intelligence  of  the  younger  one  was  pretty  sure 
to  be  called  into  requisiton.  "  Eleanor,"  said  Mrs. 
Daisy  to  her  vade  meciim  one  morning,  within  Aver- 
all's  hearing,  how  do  you  pronounce  h-u-i-1-e,  the 
French  word  for  oil  ?" 

"Why  aunt,  that  word  is  pronounced  almost  as 
if  written  wheel"  was  the  reply. 


254  Guy  Averall. 

"And  olive  oil  is  called — " 

"  Wheel-dole-leeve,"  said  Miss  Davis. 

**  Wheel-dole-leeve,  wheel-dole-leeve,"  repeated 
Mrs.  Daisy,  as  if  to  impress  the  pronounciation  on 
her  memory.  That  repetition  was  enough,  for  dur- 
ing the  afternoon  the  orderly  was  sent  over  to  the 
"  sutler's  secretary,"  who  resided  in  Rotten  Row,  in 
order  to  make  inquiry  as  to  the  present  price  of 
wheel-dole-leeve  in  that  establishment.  After  ob- 
taining the  desired  information,  Averall  came  back 
to  the  Brigadier,  repeated  the  current  price,  when  the 
lady  ordered  Guy  to  procure  a  bottle.  But  such  in- 
cidents as  these,  familiar  though  they  be,  should  not 
be  spoken  of  outside  the  pale  of  aristocratic  society. 

The  only  person  who  caused  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy 
any  annoyance  at  this  time  was  the  irrepressible 
Blodgett.  That  person  was  an  officer  sui  generis^  a 
man  who  would  uphold  his  rights  on  every  possible 
occasion,  and  consequently,  would  not  permit  any 
body  in  the  land  to  dictate  to  him  ;  even  supposing, 
by  Jupiter,  it  was  the  great  Brigadier  herself.  And 
truth  to  say,  the  Lieutenant  was  as  good  as  his  word, 
as  our  friend  Guy  happened  to  know.  One  morning 
Blodgett  was  in  charge  of  the  Company  on  drill, 
when  Mrs.  Daisy  sent  word  over  to  him,  with  "her 
compliments,"  that  she  would  like  to  have  Averall  at 
her  .quarters.  This  request  or  command,  as  the  case 
might  be,  immediately  excited  the  officer's  sense  of 
duty.  "Go  and  tell  Mrs.  Daisy,  with  my  compli- 
ments," was  the  rejoinder,  "  that  Averall  is  turned 
over  to  me  for  the  purpose  of  military  instruction, 
and  that  I  intend  he  shall  remain  here  till  the  cus- 
tomary re-call  is  sounded."     This  response  on  the 


Guy  Aver  all.  255 

part  of  the  Irrepressible,  was  the  occasion  of  an  in- 
definite amount  of  chagrin,  as  far  as  Mrs.  Daisy  was 
concerned.  "  I  always  suspected,"  said  she,  "  that 
Lieutenant  Blodgett  v/as  a  low-born  and  impolite 
man  ;  and  further  than  this,  I  now  say  that  any  one 
who  calls  habitually  on  the  god  Jupiter,  in  the  way 
he  does,  is  utterly  destitute  of  the  grace  and  dignity 
of  a  gentleman,  and  as  such  should  be  instantly  dis- 
carded." 

IV. 

After  a  short  term  of  service  Guy  Averall  be- 
came tolerably  familiar  with  his  sphere  of  duties  at 
Headquarters;  and  found  them  on  the  whole  to  be 
not  of  a  very  exacting  nature  ;  much  lighter  indeed 
than  those  that  fell  to  his  lot,  when  he  carried  logs 
or  helped  to  load  or  unload  the  steamer  Fashion  in 
Florida.  To  run  to  the  commissary  on  an  errand; 
to  ask  the  price  of  wheel-dole-leeve  at  the  sutler's  ; 
to  procure  Mrs.  Daisy  some  erudite  volume  at  the 
public  library,  or  to  ask  that  **  dear  man,"  the  doctor, 
to  pay  the  wife  of  the  commandant  a  professional 
visit,  such  were  some  of  Averall's  tasks  at  this  period 
of  his  career.  As  to  pulling  the  gallant  Brigadier  in 
a  boat  round  the  Island,  that  for  the  present  was 
fortunately  discarded,  as  Mrs.  Daisy  now  looked  for 
amusement  and  exercise  in  a  different  way.  The 
great  trouble  at  this  time  was  with  Hector;  and  in- 
deed the  very  day  after  the  encounter  with  Blodgett, 
Guy  Averall  had  quite  a  little  adventure  with  that 
worthy.  Miss  Davis  required  the  youngster,  so  as 
to  set  him  to  work  in  studying  his  lessons.  But 
Hector  was  not  to  be  found,  and  in  spite  of  Miss 
Eleanor's  assertion  that  she  saw  the  boy  go  into  the 


256  Guy  Aver  all. 

garden,  a  short  time  previous,  Guy  was  unable  to 
discover  him  in  that  place.  The  orderly  then  shouted 
for  Master  Daisy  by  name;  but  no  answer  was  made, 
and  in  the  end  every  one  became  somewhat  afraid 
that  Hector  was  lost.  A  grand  hunt  was  now  the 
result ;  and  although  each  person  in  the  garrison  was 
questioned  concerning  Hector,  yet  no  one  could  give 
any  information  about  the  absentee.  At  this  junc- 
ture the  entire  family  began  to  be  really  very  uneasy, 
but  finally  their  anxiety  was  set  at  rest,  for  just  after 
sundown  Guy  Averall  Avent  once  more  into  the 
garden,  and  while  there  he  noticed  that  an  old  vine- 
gar barrel,  stuck  in  one  corner,  which  had  been  used 
of  late  as  a  resting  place  for  Mrs.  Daisy's  hens,  began 
to  move.  This  of  course  excited  Averall's  attention, 
and  on  going  up  to  it,  the  orderly  was  much  sur- 
prised to  find  the  gallant  Hector  crouched  up  in  the 
straw,  with  a  piece  of  plum-cake  in  one  hand,  and  a 
book  of  fairy  tales  in  the  other,  resting  and  reading 
as  contentedly  as  possible.  Guy  naturally  felt  some- 
what provoked  at  the  conduct  of  the  greedy  little 
rascal;  so  he  jerked  him  out  of  the  barrel  in  an  in- 
stant. "  Did  you  not  hear  me  calling  you,  sir,"  said 
Guy,  after  Hector  was  on  his  feet,  "  you  have  occa- 
sioned us  all  a  nice  amount  of  trouble.  I  want  you 
to  go  into  the  house  at  once,  and  say  your  lessons  to 
Miss  Eleanor."  But  the  gallant  Trojan  was  in  no 
humor  to  submit.  "  I  don't  care  about  my  lesson, 
and  I  don't  care  about  Miss  Eleanor,  as  you  call 
her,"  was  his  immediate  reply,  "  and  more  than  that, 
I'll  complain  to  papa,  about  the  way  you  have  pulled 
and  dragged  me  round,  just  for  nothing.  And  I'll 
see  if  I  can't  get  you  put  in  the  guard  house  too,  you 


Guy  Aver  all.  257 

Averall."  It  subsequently  appeared  that  the  noble 
Hector  had  indeed  entered  a  complaint  against  our 
friend,  and  fully  expected,  no  doubt,  that  Guy  would 
suffer  condign  punishment  as  a  necessary  conse- 
quence; but  fortunately  the  commandant  did  not 
pay  any  attention  to  the  matter,  and  Averall  con- 
tinued to  discharge  his  duties  as  heretofore.  So  much 
for  domestic  affairs  in  the  household  of  Major  Daisy. 
On  one  occasion,  while  serving  as  orderly  at 
Headquarters,  Private  Averall  was  the  recipient  of 
some  very  well-intended  advice  on  the  part  of  Miss 
Davis,  the  substance  of  which  may  as  well  be  set 
down  in  this  place.  To  begin  at  the  beginning,  it  is 
perhaps  necessary  to  state,  that  our  friend  having 
expended  his  best  efforts  on  the  subject  of  ghosts 
and  disembodied  spirits,  without  coming  to  any  very 
definite  conclusion  concerning  them,  began  cogi- 
tating within  himself  if  there  was  no  other  study  to 
which  he  might  properly  direct  his  attention.  Filled 
with  these  thoughts,  he  happened  to  saunter  into  the 
hallway  one  day,  and  noticing  a  book  lying  on  the 
stairway,  he  took  it  up  and  began  to  read.  The  vol- 
ume was  in  French,  and  proved  to  be  a  collection  of 
short  stories,  which  the  immortal  Hector  was  sup- 
posed in  the  course  of  time  to  study,  Guy  glanced 
at  the  first  chapter  which  proved  to  be  a  translation 
of  Addison's  paper,  the  "  vision  of  Mirzah,"  and  after 
a  little  examination  he  found  he  could  readily  turn 
tho  narrative  inro  English.  At  this  instant  Miss 
Eleanor  made  her  appearance,  so  Guy  laid  down  the 
book  and  stood  at  "  attention,"  as  was  always  his 
custom,  when  any  member  of  the  family  entered  the 
room  where  he  was. 


258  Guy  Aver  all. 

"  Never  mind,  Averall,  you  need  not  trouble 
yourself  about  me.  I'm  only  Miss  Davis,"  was  the 
observation  which  escaped  in  a  half  involuntary 
manner  from  the  lady.  But  recollecting  herself  she 
instantly  added,  "  I  see  you  are  examining  one  of 
Hector's  books.  Do  you  understand  anything  of 
French,  Averall  ?  " 

"A  little,  very  Httle,  I  should  say,  Miss,"  respond- 
ed Guy. 

"  Where  did  you  study  the  language .?  " 

"  What  little  I  know  was  learned  a  very  long  time 
ago,  long  before  I  became  a  soldier." 

"  Where  was  that,  Averall .?  " 

"  If  the  truth  must  be  told  on  the  subject.  Miss, 
it  was  in  the  Kingdom  of  Ireland,"  said  Guy. 

"  In  Ireland  indeed!  "  exclaimed  the  lady.  "  Well 
I  should  never  connect  the  study  of  the  French  lan- 
guage with  Ireland.  But  now  that  you  are  in  America, 
why  do  you  not  keep  up  your  knowledge  of  the 
tongue,  by  reading,  occasionally,  a  French  book.?  " 

"  For  the  most  obvious  reason  in  the  world,"  was 
the  rejoinder.  "  I'm  nothing  but  a  soldier,  and  in 
the  Army  I  find  that  any  one  who  deviates  from  the 
beaten  track,  which  soldiers  usually  follow,  is  sure 
to  meet  with  a  good  deal  of  contempt.  I  might 
tipple  after  pay-day,  get  into  the  guard  house,  spend 
my  money,  and  even  occasionally  be  the  subject  of 
a  garrison  court-martial,  and  no  one  would  think  the 
worse  of  me  on  that  account  ;  but  if  it  were  known 
that  I  was  in  the  habit  of  poring  over  a  French 
book,  or  hunting  up  words  in  a  dictionary,  why  every 
one  would  set  me  down  as  an  odd  fish  at  the  best ;  and 
that  is  a  reputation  which  no  enlisted  soldier  cares 
to  sustain.' 


Guy  Aver  all.  259 

"Yes,  Averall,  but  on  the  other  hand  let  me 
assure  you,"  said  Miss  Davis,  "that  no  sensible  per- 
son will  think  the  worse  of  you,  even  if  you  do  not 
choose  to  follow  the  beaten  track  ;  but  will  rather 
honor  you  for  keeping  away  from  it,  when  that  track 
appears  to  be  wrong." 

"  I  know,  I  know,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  but 
officers  and  their  families.  Miss  Eleanor,  can  afford 
to  be  more  independent  than  members  of  the  rank 
and  file.  There  are  a  number  of  good  men  in  the 
company,  it  is  true,  who  do  not  care  to  dissipate  ; 
but  there  are  others  of  a  very  different  disposition, 
and  it  actually  seems,  at  times,  that  no  one  can  stand 
well  in  the  estimation  of  these  latter,  unless  he 
chooses  to  follow  exactly  in  their  steps.  These  are 
the  persons  I  am  obliged  to  contend  with." 

"Why  Averall,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "I  see  no 
necessity  for  contending  with  them,  at  all.  Try  and 
do  what  is  right,  and  let  your  own  character  vindi- 
cate itself.  For  my  part,  Averall,  I  shall  always 
consider  you  as  a  gentleman,  as  long  as  you  behave 
well.  And  as  to  this  matter  of  French,  I  certainly 
should  not  let  the  opinion  of  a  few  men  prevent  me 
from  studying  it,  if  I  felt  so  inclined.  Any  books  I 
have  on  the  subject  are  at  your  service  ;  and  if  you 
have  any  grammatical  difficulty,  at  any  time,  why  I 
should  always  be  glad  to  assist  you,  as  far  as  it  lies 
in  my  power." 

"  Thank  you.  Miss  Eleanor,"  said  Averall,  who  at 
that  instant  spoke  from  the  bottom  of  his  heart,  for 
the  truth  of  the  matter  was,  the  bearing  of  Miss 
Davis  toward  our  friend  was  different  from  that  which 
he  had  experienced  from  any  other  lady  at  Fort  Colum- 


a6o  Gjiy  Averall. 

bus,  as  yet  ;  and  this  to  Guy  at  the  time,  was  a  very 
great  consideration.  And  then  our  adventurer  could 
not  help  reflecting  that  if  all  the  other  ladies  in  the 
Army  only  acted  and  spoke  in  the  way  Miss  Davis 
did,  the  service  would  be  greatly  improved,  and  every 
one  around  them  would  remain  much  better  satisfied. 
"Yes,"  said  he,  but  this  was  after  a  long  pause,  and 
only  when  he  had  secured  possession  of  the  hall-way 
to  himself,  "  I  am  sorry  that  Mrs.  Daisy,  who  pretends 
to  be  a  gentlewoman,  and  who  is  always  boasting  of 
her  fine  acquaintances,  both  in  New  York  and  else- 
where, cannot  treat  me  as  though  I  were  a  civilized 
being,  instead  of  spending  her  eternal  soft  soap  over 
my  countenance.  I'm  not  a  savage,  I  wasn't  born  in 
the  wilds  of  Africa,  even  supposing  my  name  is  Pat. 
But  here  comes  the  gallant  Hector  with  his  books  in 
his  hand,  prepared,  I  suppose,  to  fight  for  an  hour  or 
two  over  his  lessons.  The  day  before  yesterday  I 
heard  him  make  an  honest  confession,  as  far  as  his 
geography  was  concerned,  for  he  said  that  as  to  those 
two  nations,  Russia  and  Prussia,  he  never  could  dis- 
tinguish the  one'from  the  other.  But  as  to  Turkey 
in  Asia,  he  knew  all  about  it,  for  that  was  the  country 
where  figs  were  produced  ;  and  no  one  who  had  once 
eaten  good,  nice  figs  out  of  a  round  box,  could  pos- 
sibly forget  anything  about  them. 

Vli. 

But  let  us  abandon  this  theme  and  proceed  to 
other  subjects.  As  to  the  chief  non-commissioned 
officer  in  Company  "  E,"  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  he 
certainly  deserved  all  the  encomiums  which  his 
friemis  and  admirers  showered  on  his  head.    Sergeant 


Guy  Aver  all.  261 

Lawless  was,  in  fact,  the  beau  ideal  of  all  that  is 
graceful  in  the  ranks,  and  amply  deserved  the  favor 
which  many  of  the  fair  sex  were  disposed  to  bestow 
on  him.  Handsome,  active,  and  well-proportioned, 
with  sufficient  self-appreciation  to  create  the  impres- 
sion that  he  himself  sufficiently  understood  the  merits 
of  his  own  case,  he  habitually  sought  the  shades  of 
Rotten  Row,  just  as  soon  as  evening  parade  was  dis- 
missed, and  there  continued  till  the  first  call  for  tattoo 
was  beaten.  He  was  a  prime  favorite  among  the 
young  ladies  of  the  garrison,  that  was  evident ; 
although  they  themselves,  if  questioned  as  to  the 
reason  of  this  preference,  could  hardly  give  a  very 
satisfactory  answer.  Sergeant  Lawless  was  not  learned, 
he  was  not  intelligent,  he  was  not  honest,  and  no  per- 
son certainly  thought  him  good,  and  yet  every 
unmarried  female  in  Rotten  Row  seemed  to  idolize 
him.  Some  may  perchance  ask  the  cause  of  this 
strange  infatuation.  As  far  as  this  inquiry  is  con- 
cerned, we  must  candidly  admit  we  cannot  tell, 
it  is  a  mystery  to  us,  all  we  can  say  by  way  of 
explanation  is  simply  this,  we  have  frequently  heard 
of  such  things  before,  and  only  know  that  there  are 
certain  women,  in  all  stations  of  life,  who  will  fall 
head  and  ears  in  love  with  any  man,  let  his  general 
character  be  ever  so  worthless,  provided  he  is  in  out- 
ward appearance,  a  handsome,  dashing  fellow,  ob- 
serves a  tolerable  regard  for  the  proprieties  of  life, 
and,  above  all,  enjoys  the  reputation  of  having  some 
deviltry  in  him.  This,  after  all,  was  the  character- 
istic feature  in  the  case  of  Sergeant  Lawless,  and  to 
it  his  success  as  a  gay  cavalier,  must  in  the  main  be 
attributed. 


262  Guy  Aver  all. 

There  was  only  one  person  in  Rotten  Row  with 
whom  Sergeant  Lawless  was  not  quite  successful, 
and,  as  might  naturally  be  expected,  it  was  on  this 
particular  person  that  his  heart  was  most  set.  Miss 
Kitty  Traynor  knew  that  she  was  good-looking,  just 
in  the  same  way  as  Sergeant  Lawless  was  acquainted 
with  his  own  graces;  and  what  was  still  better,  she 
loved  a  little  flirtation  too.  She  was  careful  not  to 
give  the  non-commissioned  officer  any  good  ground 
of  challenge,  but  kept  playing  him  off  and  on,  with 
all  the  arts  of  a  coquette.  Once,  indeed,  she  told 
Sergeant  Lawless  that  she  had  almost  half  made  up 
her  mind  to  become  a  soldier's  wife;  but  the  veiy 
next  evening  when  the  case  was  mentioned,  the  little 
minx  chose  to  laugh  in  his  face,  said  she  had  only 
spoken  in  fun,  and  as  to  this  thing  of  turning  wash- 
erwoman in  the  Army,  just  for  the  sake  of  a  living, 
it  had  never  entered  her  calculations.  And  then, 
on  the  following  evening,  she  was  careful  to  invite  all 
the  non-commissioned  officers,  she  could  find,  to  her 
uncle's  house;  and  Sergeant  Lawless,  to  his  chagrin, 
discovered  that  be  was  not  treated  one  whit  better 
than  anyone  of  the  others. 

This  treatment  on  the  part  of  Miss  Kitty  discon- 
certed the  handsome  Sergeant  a  good  deal,  he  bit 
his  lip,  it  is  said,  and  looked  anything  but  pleased, 
when  the  fact  of  this  indifference  was  mentioned. 
But  the  Sergeant,  during  life,  had  been  too  much  of 
a  lovemaker  to  venture  on  any  very  active  demon- 
stration. Indeed,  he  very  gallantly  vouchsafed  the 
opinion  that  in  this  matter  of  flirtation  there  was  no 
royal  road,  that  he  or  any  other  man  on  earth  could 
follow;  that  women  in  this  particular  province  were 


Guy  Aver  all.  263 

resolved  to  have  their  own  way;  and  that  in  the 
peculiar  circumstances  in  which  he  was  placed,  there 
was  no  resource  left  for  him  except  to  behave  him- 
self in  an  even,  modest  and  good-tempered  manner; 
and  then  accommodate  himself  according  to  future 
developments. 

At  length  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy,  hearing  of  the 
facts  of  the  case,  resolved  to  take  Kitty  Traynor  to 
task  on  account  of  her  manner  towards  such  a  dash- 
ing non-commissioned  officer  as  the  Sergeant.  "  Why 
Kitty,"  said  the  Brigadier  one  day  as  she  stopped 
the  unoffending  girl  on  the  sidewalk,  "  I  hear  that 
ever  so  many  of  the  Sergeants  and  Corporals  of  the 
garrison  are  so  very  attentive  to  you."  The  first 
impulse  of  poor  Kitty  was  to  resent  this  unwarranta- 
ble intrusion  in  the  way  it  deserved;  but  on  second 
thought  she  determined  to  answer  Mrs.  Daisy  accord- 
ing to  her  folly,  and  with  a  quickness  of  manner, 
that  did  her  infinite  credit,  she  assumed  at  once  a 
sufficiently  innocent  demeanor,  and  stood  ready  to 
respond  to  such  questions  as  were  propounded  by 
her  amiable  protectress. 

"  Among  other  things,  I  hear  that  excellent  man, 
Sergeant  Lawless,  is  disposed  to  be  very  attentive  at 
Rotten  Row,  is  he  not  ?" 

"Perhaps  he  is,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "but  really, 
Mrs.  Daisy,  you  don't  expect  I  should  know  all  about 
Rotten  Row.  Why,  I  am  nothing  but  one  person  in 
that  place,  and  have  not  the  faculty  of  discovering 
what  happens  among  my  neighbors." 

"  I  commend  your  prudence  in  that,  my  dear 
child,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy,  who  in  her  quality  of  pro- 
tectress of  the  military  establishment  at  Fort  Colum- 


264  Guy  Averall. 

bus,  thought  it  her  duty  to  advise  the  commonality 
on  all  sorts  of  subjects.  I  commend  your  prudence, 
indeed,  for  if  there  is  anything  I  utterly  despise,  it 
is  this  inquisitive,  meddling  disposition.  I  have 
always  held  the  notion  that  in  this  busy  world  of 
ours,  every  one  has  enough  to  do  to  attend  to  his  or 
her  own  proper  vocation.  But  is  Sergeant  Lawless 
so  very  attentive,  after  all  ?  " 

"Indeed,  I  cannot  answer  for  Sergeant  Lawless," 
was  the  response,  "  I  just  know  as  much  of  him  as  of 
any  other  non-commissioned  officer  in  the  garrison." 

''  I  saw  Sergeant  Lawless  standing  among  several 
soldiers  the  other  evening  ;  and  I  really  thought  him 
the  most  handsome  man  in  the  Fort.  So  Sergeant 
Lawless  is  not  the  favored  one  then  ?  How  is  it  with 
the  Steward,  Petersen  1  He  is  very  attentive  also,  I 
hear." 

"  I  really  dont  know,"  said  Kitty,  giving  a  very 
significant  shake  of  her  head. 

"  Upon  my  word,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy,  "  I  really 
think  that  Petersen  is  a  very  excellent  man.  Some 
persons  was  sayfng,  the  other  day,  that  he  was  study- 
ing medicine,  so  as  to  be  in  time,  a  doctor;  and  that 
I  am  sure,  is  a  very  commendable  thing.  Then  there 
is  another  very  good  man,  Sergeant  Ryan,  what  may 
I  ask,  do  you  think  of  him  ?  " 

"  I  know  nothing  of  Sergeant  Ryan,  any  more 
than  of  any  other  soldier  in  the  garrison,"  was  the 
answer. 

"  Oh,  I  see  how  it  is,  Kitty,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy 
"  Sergeant  Lawless,  after  all,  is  the  favorite." 

"  Well,  since  you  speak  of  Sergeant  Lawless  so 
highly,"  replied  Kitty  with  a  cunning  little  smile,  "I 


I 


Guy  Aver  all.  265 

certainly  must  acknowledge  that  I  am  inclined  to 
take  him  on  your  recommendation.  He  is,  as  you 
say  a  remarkably  fine-looking  soldier,  and  may  pos- 
sibly make  a  very  good  husband.  At  any  rate,  I 
should  never  think  of  venturing  on  marriage,  with- 
out taking  you  in  as  my  counsellor,  for  do  you  know 
what,  Mrs.  Daisy,  you  have  the  reputation  of  knowing 
more  about  the  affairs  of  the  garrison  than  any  other 
person  in  it." 

The  good  Mrs.  Daisy  was  a  woman  of  vast  and  very 
accurate  erudition,  as  is  well-known,  yet  in  certain 
directions,  she  was  not  so  very  high  spirited,  spite  of 
all  that.  She  thought  that  the  words  of  Kitty  sound- 
ed somewhat  strangely,  coming  as  they  did  from  a 
"camp  woman,"  and  the  concluding  part  of  the  girl's 
speech  seemed  to  be  intended  as  a  quiet  cut.  Still 
Mrs.  Daisy  could  not  absolutely  take  offence  at  it ; 
and  as  Kitty  was  a  very  proper  subject  for  catechiz- 
ing again,  the  Brigadier  resolved  to  take  the  whole 
thing  in  good  part. 

"You  are  a  very  excellent  girl,  Kitty,"  said  she 
with  a  most  engaging  smile,  "  and  I  have  always 
taken  the  greatest  possible  interest  in  you,  ever  since 
I  first  saw  you  at  this  Fort,  Of  one  thing,  in  addition, 
you  may  be  certain,  that  whenever  you  do  get  mar- 
ried, I  certainly  shall  dance  at  your  wedding." 

VIII. 
It  was  not  among  the  enlisted  men  alone,  that  the 
baby  god,  Cupid,  played  his  cunning  tricks  at  this 
time.  Both  of  the  subalterns  of  Guy's  company  felt 
the  power  of  his  dart.  As  soon  as  the  Twenty-sixth 
Artillery  had  returned  to  their  old  quarters,  Messrs. 


266  Guy  Averall. 

Spruce  and  Taper  immediately  started  to  New  York 
city,  in  order  to  pay  their  respects  to  those  "  fine 
girls  "  on  whom  their  best  affections  were  placed. 
Spruce,  on  this  occasion,  it  is  said,  indited  a  set  of 
verses,  which  subsequently  found  their  way  into 
print,  and  which  eventually  became  quite  popular 
among  the  gallant  young  officers  of  the  time. 

Lady,  no  cap  is  on  my  head, 

No  visor  on  my  brow, 
I've  lost  my  plume,  and  lost  my  heart, 

I'm  not  a  soldier  now  ! 
My  uniform  I've  taken  off, 

My  "  cits  "  I've  just  put  on. 
And  silk  I've  substiuted  for 

The  leather  stock  I've  worn. 
No  more  the  sound  of  cannon  grates 

Upon  my  ear,  as  when 
It  waked  me  up  at  break  of  day — . 

I  was  a  soldier  then. 

As  to  Taper,  he  was  every  bit  as  devoted  as 
Spruce,  the  difficulty  in  his  case  was  to  decide  which 
one  of  the  two  "-fine  girls  "  he  had  then  on  hand  was 
the  more  eligible — the  one  who  played  the  piano  so 
dehghtfully,  and  affected  to  despise  the  Army  ;  or 
the  one  who  did  not  play,  and  seemed  to  have  a 
sentimental  inclination  for  the  stars  and  stripes. 
Both  of  them  had  "  rocks,"  and  that  was  the  great 
recommendation  in  this  particular  case,  so  Taper, 
prudent  little  gentleman  that  he  was,  determined  to 
keep  both  of  the  "  fine  girls  "  in  leading  strings. 

T 

He  who  wears  the  regimental  suit. 
Is  oft  as  gay  as  a  raw  recruit, 
But  what  of  that? 


Guy  Averall.  267 

The  girls  will  follow  when  they  hear  the  drum. 
To  view  the  tassel  and  the  waving  plume, 
Which  decks  his  hat. 
CHORUS. 
Off,  off,  we  go  and  say  that  we're  on  duty. 
Smoke  our  cigars,  or  flirt  with  some  new  beauty, 
Vive,  vive  I'amour  !  cigars  and  cogniac  ! 
Hurrah  !  hurrah  !  hurrah  boys  !  Vive  le  bivouac  ! 

2 

When  we  mareh  into  a  country  town. 

Prudes  may  fly  from  us  and  dames  may  frown, 

But  that's  absurd  ! 
When  we  march  away,  we  leave  behind, 
Prudes  and  dames  who've  been  vastly  kind. 

Pray  take  my  word. 

CHORUS. 

Off,  off,  we  go,  and  say  that  we're  on  duty,  &c. 

Such   was   the  sonsc  which    Messrs.  Spruce  and 

Taper   still    chirruped   at  this  time,  with  renewed 

vigor;  as  they  wandered  once  more  round  the  borders 

of'^Governor's  Island,  and  occasionally  pulled  out  the 

picture  of  this  "  fine  girl  "  or  that  "  fine  girl  "  in  order 

to  show  her  visible  form  and  likeness  to  one  another. 

And   yet   in   spite  of   their  self-appreciation,   it 

must  be  acknowledged,  that  neither  one  of  these 

gallants  were  insensible  to  modest  worth;  even  when 

that  undemonstrative  quality  was  not  connected  with 

the   possession    of   glittering   pelf.     One   day,  Guy 

Averall  had  the  luck  to  be  sent  with  a  message  from 

Major  Daisy  to  the  young  officers,  and  on  entering 

their  quarters,  both  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper  were 

discovered  in  a   state  of  dishabille,  the   first  with 

cravat  untied,  being  engaged  in  looking  over  a  novel, 

written  by  that  most  famous  of  authors.  Monsieur 


268  Guy  Averall. 

Alexander  Dumas,  while  the  other,  in  slippers  and 
dirty  smoking-cap,  was  putting  the  finishing  touches 
to  the  letter  which  he  was  in  the  act  of  penning  to 
his  lady  love,  at  that  instant.  After  selecting  a 
sentence  which  seemed  particularly  fine,  and  reading 
it  to  his  companion,  Mr.  Spruce  assured  Mr.  Taper 
that  no  woman  living  could  read  such  gushing  ex- 
pressions as  the  ones  just  enunciated,  and  at  the 
same  time  remain  insensible  to  the  claims  of  the 
writer.  This  assurance  seemed  to  gratify  Taper 
immensely,  but  on  a  sudden  the  young  man  heaved 
a  sigh,  and  then  on  the  instant  laid  down  his  pen. 

"  Do  you  know  what  Spruce,"  said  Taper  speak- 
ing in  a  low  tone,  *'  when  I  was  a  Cadet,  at  West 
Point,  I  missed  a  glorious  chance." 

"How  was  that,  my  boy,"  asked  Spruce  as  if 
somewhat  interested. 

"I'll  tell  you  all  about  it,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "It 
was  the  year  before  I  graduated,  when  I  accidentally 
became  acquainted  with  a  young  lady  from  Rochester, 
in  the  State  of  New  York.  She  was  an  angel  I  assure 
you  if  there  ever>vas  one  on  the  face  of  this  earth." 

"  I  am  sure  she  was,"  responded  Spruce  with  a 
sympathetic  air,  "else  you  would  not  say  so." 

"  I  might  have  been  a  Count  of  IMonte  Cristo,  or 
something  of  the  sort,  and  achieved  all  manner  of 
magnificent  things,  if  I  had  married  that  girl  at  the 
first  start.  Her  father,  a  wholesale  druggist  by  pro- 
fession was  as  rich  as  Croesus;  and  would  have  given 
her  two  hundred  thousand  dollars,  if  he  would  have 
given  her  a  cent.  The  girl  was  desperately  in  love 
with  me  beside;  in  fact,  she  as  much  as  offered  her- 
self to  me,  not  less  than  half  a  dozen  times." 


Guy  Ave  rail.  269 

"  You  were  in  bad  luck  on  that  occasion/'  said 
the  other  speaker.  ''  Why  did  you  not  take  the 
woman  at  her  word?" 

"  Because  I  was  a  confounded  fool,  that  is  all, 
and  it  is  now  that  I  am  sensible  of  my  mistake.  But 
that  creature  was  an  angel  if  there  ever  was  one  on. 
earth.     Her  heart  was  as  pure  as  crystal  and " 

"Also  as  cold,"  interposed  Spruce. 

"  No  it  wasn't,  it  wasn't  cold,  one  bit,"  replied 
Taper,  with  much  ardor.  *'  I  might  have  had  that 
woman,  as  I  said  before,  any  day  that  I  liked,  but  I 
was  a  fool,  and  hadn't  sense  to  properly  press  my 
su't.  Indeed,  the  only  thing  that  my  flame  had 
against  me  was  my  unfortunate  name;  jEnd  even  that 
would  not  have  made  any  difference,  had  it  not  been 
for  the  sneers  and  banter  of  a  certain  little  miscreant 
from  Massachusetts,  who  ran  away  Avith  my  prize." 

"  Who  was  that }"  asked  Spruce,  who  was  evi- 
dently interested  in  the  recital  thus  offered  by  his 
friend. 

"  Why  do  you  not  know  ?"  was  the  rejoinder. 
"  It  was  that  little  whelp  Twitchell,  belonging  to  the 
Twenty-first,  who  was  then  acting  as  assistant  Pro- 
fessor at  the  Academy.  I'd  pistol  that  fellow  just  as 
readily  as  I'd  eat  my  breakfast,  on  account  of  the 
way  he  treated  me.  By  some  means  or  other  he 
scraped  acquaintance  with  my  inamorata,  and  imme- 
diately began  to  twit  her  with  my  name,  Theophilus 
Zanguebar  Taper,  till  he  laughed  her  out  of  what  I 
almost  considered  an  engagement,  and  then  finally 
married  her  himself." 

"  That  was  unfortunate,"  said  Spruce,  "  But 
wont  the  lady  on  Twenty-fifth  Avenue,  to  whom  you 


Guy  Aver  all.  270 

are  at  present  so  much  devoted,  possibly  object  to 
Zanguebar  also  ?  My  dear  fellow,  do  you  never  think 
of  that  ? 

"  Of  course  I  do,  of  course  I  do,  I  think  of  it 
every  day,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "  But  I'll  never  inform 
any  women  on  the  face  of  the  earth  that  Zanguebar 
is  part  of  my  name,  at  least  till  I'm  married.  After 
that  event  it  wont  make  much  difference." 

"  You  are  right,  my  boy,  you  are  right,"  responded 
Spruce,  who  now  commenced  twitching  his  moustache 
with  a  pair  of  silver-handled  tweezers.  "  But  suppo- 
sing Taper,"  said  he  at  length, "  that  by  some  accident 
your  present  undertaking  should  fail,  what  then  1  " 

"  Why,  try  again  my  boy,  try  again,  like  a  good 
soldier,  what  else  should  I  do."  And  here  Mr. 
Taper  came  to  a  pause  and  then  added.  "  Perhaps 
in  a  fit  of  desperation,  I  might  be  tempted  to  marry 
a  girl,  poor  but  worthy,  like  Miss  Eleanor  then,  who 
as  far  as  I  know,  would  make  a  rough  Artilleryman, 
like  me,  a  most  excellent  wife." 

*'  Right  Taper,  right,  I  say,  I  admire  your  pluck," 
was  the  instant  Response.  "  Only  I  would  recommend 
you  to  expend  your  efforts  in  another  quarter,  fordo 
you  know  what,  I've  half  an  eye  on  Miss  Eleanor 
myself." 

"  Pshaw  !  nonsense  !  Now  Spruce  that  is  all 
fudge,"  responded  Taper.  "  How  in  the  world  can 
a  person  have  half  an  eye  on  one  woman,  and  at  the 
same  time  be  wholly  devoted  to  another  ?  " 

"  I  have  always  considered  Miss  Davis  an  excel- 
lent lady,"  said  Spruce. 

"  So  have  I,"  responded  Taper,  "  and  possessed, 
by  the  way,  of  a  very  thorough  education  beside." 


Guy  Ave  rail.  271 

"  She  understands  the  parley  vous  like  a  native, 
at  least  so  I've  been  told,"  said  the  one. 

'*  While  her  skill,  in  music,  is  beyond   all  ques- 
tion," replied  the  other. 

"  She  manages  the  whole  household  as  a  kind  of 
deputy  general  to  her  aunt,"  said  the  first  speaker. 

"  And  looks  after  that  greedy  young  Hecto'-,  in 
addition,"  remarked  the  second. 

"  I  wonder  if  she  has  any  of  the  ready.?  "  asked 
Spruce,  who  now  gave  his  beautiful  little  moustache 
a  contemplative  twist. 

"  Oh  hang  the  cent,  hang  the  cent,"  was  the 
answer,  "  and  that  is  the  vexatious  part  of  the  sub- 
ject ;  for  her  father,  as  I  understand  the  case,  had 
saved  a  sufficient  amount,  out  of  his  pay,  to  provide 
for  his  family  ;  but  unfortunately  before  setting  out 
to  Mexico,  he  put  all  his  money  into  the  hand  of  one 
of  those  wretched  sham  bankers,  Avho  infest  New 
York  city.  After  a  while  the  fellow  failed  and 
insisted  on  turning  the  funds  that  were  delivered  to 
him,  as  a  trust,  into  an  asset  for  the  benefit  of  his 
creditors  ;  and  Miss  Eleanor,  having  no  one  to 
defend  her  rights  was  forced  to  give  up  all  she  had. 
The  consequence  then  is,  that  the  girl  is  now  obliged 
to  teach  French  for  a  living  ;  while  the  rascal  who 
defrauded  her  is  looked  on  as  a  paragon  of  excel- 
lence ;  has  his  fine  house  on  Twenty-fifth  Avenue, 
his  liveried  servants  and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  and 
finally  as  the  crowning  act  of  a  swell,  his  aristocratic 
"coat  of  arms."  But  who  in  the  noble  Twenty- 
sixth  cares  for  this  vulgar  display  on  the  part  of  a 
shabby  pretender  ?  Not  you  or  I,  my  dear  fellow, 
certainly  not  you  or  I." 
18 


272  Guy  Ave  rail. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what,  if  I  was'iit  already  half 
engaged,"  said  Spruce,  "  I  don't  know  that  I  could 
do  any  better  than  spend  my  evenings  at  Head- 
quarters." 

"  The  very  remark  I  was  going  to  make,"  re- 
sponded Taper,  as  if  moved  on  a  sudden  by  a  noble 
generosity. 

"But  we  both  cannot  marry  the  same  girl,"  said 
the  one. 

"No,  not  in  this  civilized  country,"  rejoined  the 
other. 

"  Let  us  then  arrange  the  thing  between  us,  so  as 
to  see  who  will  go  in  and  win,"  suggested  Spruce. 

"  Arrange  the  thing  !  oh,  Spruce,  hang  it,  there 
would  be  no  sentiment  in  that.  If  we  don't  succeed 
in  New  York,  according  to  our  expectations,  let  us 
both  rather  try  for  Miss  Eleanor,  so  as  to  give  the 
girl  a  fair  chance." 

"Right,  my  boy,  right.  The  suggestion  is  in 
every  Avay  worthy  of  your  own  noble  heart,"  re- 
sponded Spruce.  "  And,  in  short,  there  is  nothing 
left  for  us  but  to  let  events  take  their  course,  and 
feel  assured,  with  Pope,  that  'whatever  is,  is  right."* 

"That's  it,  my  boy — that's  the  very  plan,"  re- 
joined Taper.  "  I'll  follow  the  idea  suggested  just 
as  you  do." 

And  with  this  judicious  remark,  and  the  quota- 
tion from  the  Essay  on  Man,  just  noticed,  this 
famous  conversation  between  two  of  the  younger 
officers  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  came  to  a*con- 
clusion. 

IX. 

It  was  at  this  particular  juncture  that  the  irre- 


Guy  Aver  all.  2^;^ 

pressible  Blodgett,  as  a  bold  and  ardent  spirit,  re- 
solved to  take  the  affairs  of  the  garrison  in  charge 
and  conduct  himself  accordingly.  "By  Jupiter," 
said  he  to  himself,  one  evening,  just  after  he  had 
completed  the  plan  of  some  wonderful  machine  or 
other,  which  was  destined  to  revolutionize  the  world. 
"  By  Jupiter,  I  don't  see  why  I  should  not  have  a 
little  pleasure,  just  as  well  as  any  one  else;  and  if 
Spruce  and  Taper  enjoy  the  felicity  of  making  love 
to  their  girls,  I  cannot  see  why  I  myself  should  not 
have  the  same  satisfaction  also." 

So  on  the  spur  of  the  moment  he  buttoned  up  his 
coat,  and  away  he  started  to  Headquarters.  But 
here  his  progress  was  barred  by  an  untoward  event 
The  good  Mrs.  Daisy  still  recollected  that  Blodgett, 
when  on  drill,  had  denied  her  the  services  of  Av- 
erall,  and  the  insult  still  lingered  in  her  memory. 
So  she  quietly  stole  into  the  drawing  room,  during 
the  interval  that  Blodgett  was  in  waiting,  and 
informed  him,  in  the  first  place,  that  her  niece  was 
not  at  home;  and  secondly,  that  any  one  who  went 
about  in  a  careless,  indifferent  mariner,  calling  on 
the  god  Jupiter  in  the  way  Mr.  Blodgett  usually  did, 
gave  proof  sufficient  by  that  single  act,  that  his  spirit 
and  disposition  were  anything  but  those  of  a  gentle- 
man, and  till  he  had  learned  more  agreeable  manners 
he  had  better  not  come  into  her  presence. 

"By  Jupiter,  ma'am,  I  will  keep  away  then,"  re- 
sponded the  irresistible.  And  off  he  bolted  in  an 
instant. 

A  few  days  after  the  foregoing  event,  while  Guy 
Averall  was  going  round  the  Island,  in  company  with 
the  bard  Hogan,   the  latter  saw  fit  to  introduce  the 


274  Gtiy  Aver  all, 

name  of  the  Brigadier.  "  Do  you  know  what,"  said 
he,  "  I  have  a  very  pretty  story  to  tell  in  relation  to 
our  lady  Glumdalclitch," 

"  What  is  it  pray  ?"  responded  Averall,  somewhat 
interested,  for  to  him  about  this  time,  the  leading 
traits  and  peculiarities  of  his  lady  patroness  began 
to  be  pretty  well  known. 

"  The  thing  is  characteristic,"  said  the  Bard,  "but 
is  told  sub  rosay  for  I  would  not  for  my  life,  that  a 
single  word  by  way  of  disparagement,  in  regard  to 
so  excellent  a  woman  as  Mrs.  Daisy  should  be  re- 
peated. You  know  she  is  very  fond  of  us  soldiers, 
she  calls  us  her  dear  children,  and  never  troubles  us 
for  anything,  except  just  what  she  wants;  still,  at  the 
same  time,  I  don't  know  but  I  should  like  her  much 
better  if  she  were  a  little  less  profuse  of  her  compli- 
ments, and  exhibited  some  consideration  for  those 
immediately  around  her.  She  occasionally  pretends, 
I  believe,  to  be  very  charitable;  but  to  my  mind  the 
way  she  prevaricates  and  fibs,  whenever  it  suits  her 
purpose,  is  perfectly  shameful.  You  have  heard  of 
her  hunting  Blodgett  away  from  her  house;  because, 
forsooth,  he  swears  by  the  god  Jupiter.  Now  that  is 
all  fudge — Mrs.  Daisy  does  not  care  one  whit  about 
Jupiter,  any  more  than  anyone  else,  except  just  as 
the  notion  strikes  her.  The  truth  of  the  matter  is, 
she  is  so  much  afraid  of  Miss  Eleanor  getting  mar- 
ried, she  will  stoop  to  any  kind  of  meanness  to  pre- 
vent it.  Accordingly  it  so  happened  that  when 
Blodgett  made  his  call,  Miss  Davis  was  made  to«ap. 
pear  as  if  away  from  home,  while  the  officer  was 
sent  about  his  business.  The  story  was  told  last 
night  on  kitchen  authority;  and  now  the  whole  affair 
is  spread  among  us  Philistines." 


Guy  Ave  rail.  275 

"What  an  atrocious  piece  of  imposition!"  said 
Guy,  who  uttered  the  exclamation,  be  it  observed, 
from  the  very  bottom  of  his  heart. 

"  The  truth  of  the  matter  is,"  said  Hogan,  "  that 
in  the  Army  those  terribly  aristocratic  personages 
play  the  very  mischief  with  us,  once  they  get  into 
power,  since  there  is  absolutely  no  way  of  keeping 
them  under  control.  Such  persons  as  Mrs.  Daisy 
could  hardly  exist  in  civil  life.  People  before  long 
would  get  tired  of  her,  some  would  even  express 
their  opinion  in  a  way  that  could  not  possibly  be 
misunderstood.  But  with  us  the  case  is  different, 
Everything  in  the  service  is  regulated  by  authority; 
and  if  a  woman,  like  the  Brigadier,  has  an  indolent, 
easily  led  husband,  she  can  inflict  a  great  many  an- 
noyances on  every  one  in  the  place  where  she  is 
quartered  Like  the  trumpeter  in  ^sop,  she  may 
remain  guiltless  of  war  herself,  but  blowing  the 
blasts  which  set  other  people  fighting.  Why  I  recol- 
lect one  incident  which  happened  at  a  post  where  I 
was  serving,  some  years  ago;  and  which,  although 
perpetrated  by  a  so-called  lady,  seemed  such  a  piece 
of  stupid  barbarism,  that  even  at  this  distance  of 
time  I  occasionally  recall  it." 

'*  What  were  the  circumstances,  pray  ?"  asked 
Guy. 

"  The  thing  took  place  before  the  Mexican  War. 
At  the  place  mentioned  the  wife  of  the  commandant 
bore  a  general  resemblance  to  the  Brigadier,  was 
always  boasting  of  her  family  connections,  and  other 
claims  to  consideration.  One  day  she  missed  a  silk 
dress,  and  immediately  charged  a  colored  servant 
with  taking  it.     The  negro  denied   the  implication, 


276  Gxty  Averall. 

when  the  mistress  reiterated  the  charge,  and  then 
told  the  servant  that  if  the  dress  were  not  produced 
immediately,  the  person  who  took  it  would  be 
whipped." 

'  I  don't  care  whether  I  am  whipped  or  not,'  was 
the  reply,  '  that  will  not  make  me  produce  the  dress. 
I  never  took  it  and  know  nothing  as  to  where  it  is.' 

'You  did,  you  huzzy,*  was  the  response  on  the 
part  of  this  Brigadier,  '  and  now  I'll  get  you  punished 
for  your  insolence,  if  it  were  for  nothing  else.' 

'  Very  well,  I  can't  help  it,'  was  the  reply  on  the 
part  of  the  darkey.  The  mistress,  however,  carried 
out  her  threat,  the  servant  was  sent  to  the  guard 
house,  and  there  she  received  a  most  outrageous 
lashing,  under  the  direction  of  the  husband  of  the 
mistress,  who  was  himself  present  on  the  occasion. 
Three  or  four  days  after,  the  dress,  which  was  the 
occasion  of  all  this  clamor,  was  discovered  in  the 
bottom  of  an  old  trunk,  where  the  wife  of  the  com- 
mandant had  carelessly  thrown  it.  So  much  for 
plebeian  aristocracy." 

"Well,"  said  Guy,  "such  things  are  atrocious, 
although  as  far  as  our  Brigadier  is  concerned,  boast- 
ful and  imperious  though  she  may  seem,  I  hardly 
think  she  would  be  guilty  of  such  conduct  as  that. 
But  why  are  all  our  officers  so  infatuated  about  their 
New  York  acquaintances  ?  Are  all  the  excellencies 
of  the  earth  concentrated  in  a  little  spot  of  Manhat- 
tan Island,  three-quarters  of  a  mile  long  and  one- 
quarter  broad  ?  Our  marriageable  officials  are  young, 
handsome,  agreeable,  and  have  their  salaries,  at  least, 
as  a  means  of  support.  Mrs.  Daisy  cannot  chase 
them  all  away,  and  as  to  Miss  Eleanor,   I'm  sure  she 


Guy  Aver  all.  2'j'j 

would  make  any  person  in  the  Army  a  good  wife;  a 
much  better  one,  in  all  probability,  than  some  of 
those  '  fine  girls '  on  Twenty-fifth  Avenue,  to  whom 
both  Spruce  and  Taper  seem  so  very,  very  attentive. 
On  one  occasion,  indeed,  I  heard  them  both  speak 
very  favorably  of  Miss  Eleanor." 

At  this  suggestion  which  was  put  forward  in  the 
utmost  good  faith,  the  bard  gave  a  shrill  whistle,  then 
came  to  a  halt,  and  afterwards  commenced  beating 
his  knees,  in  imitation  of  the  gallop  of  a  horse. 

"  Quadrupe-dante  pa-trem  soni-tu  quatit-ungula- 
campum.  They  are  all  in  a  trot,  up  Broadway,  to 
those  blessed  abodes,  where  nobody  save  saints  and 
angels  are  supposed  to  dwell.  I  dare  say  you  have 
heard  of  the  famous  doggerel,  which  was  perpetrated 
by  the  English  footman." 

When  the  Duke  of  Leeds  shall  married  be, 
To  a  fine  young  lady  of  high  quality, 
How  happy  will  that  gentlewoman  be. 
In  his  grace  of  Leeds  good  company. 

She  shall  have  all  that  is  fine  and  fair, 
And  the  best  of  silk  and  satin  to  wear, 
And  ride  in  a  coach  to  take  the  air. 
And  have  a  house  in  Saint  James'  Square. 

Now  reverse  the  she  for  the  he,  and  you  have  the 
precise  situation.  In  short,  sir,  I  do  not  wish  to  be 
severe  on  any  one;  and  as  to  our  officers,  I  do  not 
accuse  them  of  any  very  flagrant  crime.  They  do 
not  usually  dissipate,  they  do  not  gamble,  they  are 
reasonably  attentive  to  their  military  duties,  and  if 
the  country  were  in  danger,  I'm  sure  they  would  all 
do  their  duty  towards  it.  But  at  the  same  time  they 
have   the  prevailing  fault  of    the    age,  unmitigated 


278  Guy  Aver  all. 

selfishness  in  money  matters,  and  I  am  afraid  in  this 
universal  hunt  for  wealth,  Miss  Davis,  even  in  spite 
of  her  good  qualities,  will  receive  but  scant  justice 
from  them.  Fifty  or  a  hundred  years  ago,  according 
to  current  reports,  young  men  had  their  failings,  but 
they  were  somewhat  different  from  those  that  now 
exist.  They  roystered,  they  got  drunk,  they  fought 
duels,  and  made  beasts  of  themselves  generally, 
whenever  they  got  the  opportunity.  At  present  we 
have  changed  all  that.  But  the  question  still  remains, 
is  the  change  for  the  better?" 

"  I  understand,"  responded  Guy,  "  the  general 
conclusion  from  what  you  say." 

"  Is  what  ?"  asked  Hogan. 

"  It  simply  is  this,"  replied  Averall,  "  that  Miss 
Davis,  for  want  of  a  better  offer,  will  turn  round 
some  bright  morning,  and  marry  that  scatterbrain 
Blodgett." 


ALL  FOR  LOVE. 


Previous  to  this  time  a  somewhat  untoward  event 
took  place.  A  man  who  had  been  confined,  as  a 
prisoner,  at  the  guard  house,  met  with  his  death  in 
consequence  of  the  harsh  treatment  he  received  at 
that  place.  The  unfortunate  fellow,  whose  name 
was  Grady,  had  been  on  leave  of  absence  for  twenty- 
four  hours;  and  at  the  expiration  of  his  term,  he 
came  back  from  the  city,  pretty  drunk.  He  was 
accordingly  thrust  into  durance  vile,  and  while  there 
was  undoubtedly  very  noisy.  Taper,  at  that  time 
was  officer  of  the  day;  and  finding  that  the  man's 
bellowings  could  not  be  stopped,  he  ordered  Ryan, 
who  was  then  Sergeant  of  the  Guard,  to  take  him  out 
of  the  prisoner's  room  and  make  a  "  spread  eagle" 
of  him.  This  operation,  which  was  then  quite  preva- 
lent, but  has  now  fortunately  been  laid  aside,  con- 
sisted in  taking  the  offender  and  pinioning  him  on 
the  ground,  so  that  he  could  not  stir,  his  arms  and 
feet  being  extended  as  far  as  possible  for  that  pur- 
pose. Still  the  man  continued  his  ravings;  and 
among  other  things  he  charged  the  Sergeant  of  the 
Guard  with  that  familiar  crime  of  selling  the  provi- 
sions belonging  to  the  men,  and  then  sitting  down, 
with  certain  other  non-commissioned  officers  of  his 
own  stamp,  and  squandering  the  proceeds  over  cards. 
Whether  the  accusations  were  true  or  not,  in  this 
279 


28o  Guy  Ave  rail, 

particular  case,  is  not  known;  the  charge,  however, 
made  the  Sergeant  furious,  so  without  any  more  ado, 
he  thrust  a  big  stick  into  the  prisoner's  mouth,  and 
secured  it  there  as  a  gag.  Meanwhile  the  man  was 
lying  exposed  to  the  rays  of  the  sun,  but  before  long, 
either  the  whiskey  or  the  heat  produced  its  natural 
effect,  for  he  was  senseless.  Seeing  him  in  a  state  of 
coma,  Guy  Averall  instantly  ran  for  the  doctor,  who 
on  his  arrival  ordered  the  prisoner  to  be  untied. 
Such  remedies  as  were  available,  were  now  employed 
to  restore  Grady  to  his  senses,  but  unfortunately 
with  little  effect,  for  the  man  died  in  the  course  of  a 
couple  of  hours.  A  report  of  the  case  soon  reached 
Headquarters,  a  paragraph  or  two  on  the  subject 
appeared  in  the  newspapers,  a  clamor  was  raised,  and 
an  investigation  was  ordered  in  Washington.  Before 
long  down  came  old  General  Fuzzy,  the  same  official 
who  on  a  former  occasion  had  reviewed  the  troops; 
intent  no  doubt  on  enquiring  into  all  the  circum- 
stances of  the  case.  After  the  usual  review  and 
inspection,  the  men  were  dismissed,  and  then  the 
Officer  of  the  Day,  and  Sergeant  cf  the  Guard  was 
summoned  into  the  j)resence  of  the  old  chief.  What 
explanations  were  made  in  regard  to  the  matter  is 
not  positively  known;  this  much  appears  certain  that 
the  officer  was  not  by  any  means  allowed  to  go  scot 
free  ;  the  General,  in  fact,  was  reported  as  adminis- 
tering a  pretty  severe  repremand  in  the  connection, 
and  eventually  an  official  order  was  published  for- 
bidding the  use  of  tlie  "  spread  eagle  "  in  the  future, 
and  limiting  punishments  on  prisoners,  to  those 
which  may  be  regularly  inflicted  by  sentence  of  an 
appropriate  courtmartial.     As  to   Lieutenant  Taper, 


Guy  Aver  all.  281 

he  was  only  loo  glad  to  get  rid  of  the  affair  on  such 
easy  terms;  for  since  Grady  had  died  he  wa§  some- 
what apprehensive  of  being  tried  for  manslaughter. 
But  Ryan  being  of  a  different  temperament  took  the 
thing  very  unconcernedly ;  in  fact  he  swaggered 
about,  day  after  day,  just  as  if  the  loss  of  an  odd 
soldier  or  two,  through  his  brutality,  were  a  thing  of 
the  most  trifling  consequence. 

Meanwhile  the  good  and  amiable  Mrs.  Daisy  re- 
solved to  mitigate  this  little  unpleasantness  in  as 
effectual  a  manner  as  possible ;  and  in  pursuance  of 
this  design  she  finally  determined  to  give  another 
chapeau  bras.  Invitations  were  accordingly  issued 
in  the  accustomed  form,  and  the  Hospital  once  more 
was  put  in  order.  The  floor  of  the  dancing  hall  was 
waxed,  so  that  you  could  almost  see  your  face  in  it, 
such  bayonets  as  could  be  spared  were  arranged  in 
the  form  of  a  heart  on  the  ceiling,  the  name  Daisy, 
in  large  Roman  capitals,  was  painted  directly  over 
the  spot  where  the  hostess  intended  receiving  her 
guests,  while  to  crown  all,  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper 
both  went  over  to  New  York  and  ordered  another 
suit  of  clothes,  so  as  to  appear  properly  in  mufti. 
As  to  the  Garde  Imperiale,  that  of  course  could  not 
be  omitted,  for  Corporal  Sullivan  had  already  ac- 
quired ample  credit  in  that  role,  and  Hogan,  Averall 
and  Moldwcll  were  all  detailed  in  order  to  pay  proper 
respect  to  her  Imperial  Highness  on  the  occasion. 
When  the  guests  began  to  arrive,  it  was  noticed  that 
a  very  large  number  of  staff  officers  were  present, 
for  Mrs.  Daisy  seemed  resolved  to  crush  all  adverse 
criticism  in  regard  to  the  management  of  the  post, 
as  far  as  her  gallant  husband  was  concerned.     She 


282  Guy  Avcrall. 

did  not  condescend  to  wlieedle  or  deal  in  elaborate 
compliments,  as  other  ladies  would  do  in  like  cir- 
cumstances, be  it  observed;  her  mind  was  altogether 
too  lofty  for  any  such  pitiful  attempts  as  these,  her 
great  strength  lay  in  her  capacity  as  a  gusher,  and  as 
far  as  this  quality  was  available,  it  was  certainly 
exerted  to  the  utmost  on  the  occasion.  "  I  under- 
stand Madam,"  said  Captain  Triangle  of  the  Topo- 
graphical Engineers,  who  probably  understood  what 
subject  was  most  agreeable.  "  I  understand,  Madam, 
that  it  is  your  intention  to  go  abroad  during  the  en- 
suing summer."  These  words  were  spoken  in  the 
interval  between  two  successive  dances,  and  were 
intended  as  a  very  delicate  compliment  on  the  part 
of  the  speaker;  for  to  go  abroad,  as  the  phrase  is 
understood  in  New  York,  implies  both  wealth  and 
leisure,  the  two  greatest  gifts  that  fortune  can  possibly 
bestow. 

"I  intend  to  visit  Europe,  most  certainly,"  was 
the  reply  of  Mrs.  Daisy  to  the  inquiry  made  on  the 
part  of  Captain  Triangle.  "  I  intend  of  course  to 
go  abroad  ;  that  is  provided  Major  Daisy  is  willing 
to  enter  into  those  arrangements  which  I  propose. 
And  in  case  I  do,  I  certainly  intend  taking  Hector 
with  me,  so  as  to  give  him  every  possible  advantage. 
Do  you  know  that  I  really  believe  Hector  to  be  one 
of  the  most  extraordinary  boys  I  ever  met.  His 
genius  for  foreign  languages  and  mathematics  is  per- 
fectly astonishing." 

"  Does  Miss  Davis  intend  to  accompany  you» 
may  I  ask } "  said  Triangle,  who  chose  to  exhibit 
some  curiosity  in  regard  to  that  somewhat  obscure 
personage. 


Guy  Aver  all.  283 

"Of  course,  of  course,  as  my  assistant,"  replied 
Mrs.  Daisy.  "  We  both  intend  to  take  care  of 
Hector,  and  give  him  all  the  advantages  that  a  tour 
on  the  continent  of  Europe  can  possibly  confer." 

"  A  very  judicious    resolve    indeed,"  responded 
Triangle,  "  I'm  sure  the  advantage  will  not  be  lost^ 
on   Hector.     By  the  way,  somebody  or  other  men- 
tioned to  me  that  you  intended  to  remain  for  several 
months  in  the  city  of  Paris." 

"  Of  course  I  do,  of  course  I  do,"  rejoined  Mrs. 
Daisy,  I  should  be  a  monster  to  neglect  doing  so. 
La  belle  Paree  !  La  belle  Paree,  what  would  the 
world  be  without  its  belle  Paree!  We  would  be 
monsters,  savages,  Hottentots— whatever  you  like— 
anything,  in  fact,  rather  than  civilized  beings.  Really 
and  truly  I  think  it  is  to  France  we  are  indebted  for 
almost  all  that  is  elegant  and  great  in  this  present 
age.  Look  at  the  progress  of  that  country  in  the 
fine  arts  ;  look  at  the  majestic  personage  who  at 
present  rules  that  realm  ;  look  at  the  painters,  the 
poets,  the  sculptors,  the  dramatic  writers,  the  musi- 
cians, and  everything  else,  which  we  find  in  lagratulc 
nation.  Really,  Captain  Triangle,  you  must  forgive 
me,  if  I  feel  a  little  enthusiastic  on  this  subject." 

"  I  have  no  doubt  that  France,  in  Mrs.  Daisy, 
will  find  an  appreciative  spectator  of  her  greatness," 
said  Triangle  with  a  very  polite  bow.  And  with  these 
important  words  this  very  elaborate  conversation 
came  to  a  termination. 

The  programme  for  the  evening  consisted  of  the 
usual  mixture  of  round  and  square  dances;  and  the 
supply  of  delicacies  on  the  supper  table  was  both 
varied  and    abundant;  for  Mrs.   Daisy,   to    do   her 


284  Guy  Aver  all. 

justice;. had  a  certain  animal  love  of  good  eating,  and 
as  long  as  every  person  around  her  did  exactly  as 
she  wished,  and  gratified  her  whims  in  every  possi- 
ble respect,  she  was  certainly  the  most  liberal  woman, 
as  far  as  provender  was  concerned,  that  probably 
ever  existed.  During  the  festivities  it  was  noticed 
that  Miss  Davis,  by  some  strange  mishap  was  absent; 
and  the  Brigadier  on  more  than  one  occasion  was 
obliged  accordingly  to  explain.  **  The  poor  dear 
child,  whom  I  love  so  very  much,  has  one  of  those 
miserable  headaches,  to  which  she  is  constantly 
subject;  and  knowing  the  state  in  which  she  usually 
is,  on  those  occasions,  I  could  not  help  insisting  on 
her  returning  home."  Then  turning  to  another  officer 
whose  well-cut  chin,  although  half  hidden  by  a  mous- 
tache, served  to  denote  the  man  of  resolution,  the 
amiable  hostess  continued  : — 

"Oh,  Mr.  Square,  I  am  so  very  glad,  indeed,  to 
see  you  here — I  hope  you  are  enjoying  yourself  this 
evening.  I  should  be  very  glad  to  welcome  you 
back,  at  any  time,  to  the  Regiment;  but  then  your 
position,  as  a  riiember  of  General  Scott's  military 
family,  is  so  very  desirable,  that  I  do  not  imagine 
you  are  particularly  anxious  to  join  us  in  either  fort 
or  field.  By  the  way,  what  are  all  those  stories 
which  I  have  heard  of  you  lately  ?  I  am  told  you 
are  quite  attentive  to  that  very  pretty  little  cousin  of 
yours,  who  lives  half  way  between  Twenty-fifth 
Avenue  and  Gramercy  Park — report  indeed  says  it 
will  be  a  match,  as  a  matter  of  consequence.  I 
should  wish  ycu  all  happiness,  in  the  connection,  I 
am  sure  ;  and  am  certain  you  could  not  select  a 
more  accomplished  lady  for  a  wife." 


Guy  Aver  all.  2  85 

"  My  cousin  is  indeed  a  woman  of  intelligence," 
was  the  reply,  "  but  then  you  must  not  pay  too  much 
attention  to  what  report  says,  for  Madam  Rumor, 
you  must  recollect,  is  a  great  gossip.  To  tell  the 
truth,  I  have  enjoyed  my  bachelor  freedom  so  long, 
that  I  almost  hesitate  to  give  it  up  for  any  consid- 
eration. Am  I  not  right  in  delaying  somewhat  in 
this  matter  ?" 

"  Why  no,  I  cannot  see  that  there  is  any  neces- 
sity for  delay,"  was  the  answer.  "Judging  from  my 
own  experience,  I  should  certainly  give  my  opinion 
in  a  contrary  direction.  There  is  my  own  good 
Tom,  the  best  and  dearest  man  that  ever  existed, 
and  I'm  sure  we  have  had  a  good  deal  of  hap- 
piness together.  He  was  the  only  person  whose 
attention  I  ever  encouraged,  he  married  me  after  a 
courtship  of  a  fortnight,  and  in  spite  of  the  short- 
ness of  an  engagement,  we  certainly  have  had  nothing 
but  unalloyed  pleasure  ever  since,  in  each  other's 
society." 

Here  the  officer  was  forced  to  smile  on  account 
of  this  very  candid  confession  on  the  part  of  his 
hostess.  As  he  turned  away  his  head,  Guy  Averall 
caught  a  glimpse  of  his  face,  standing  as  the  latter 
was  in  the  hallway.  On  a  sudden  it  occurred  to  him 
that  he  had  seen  that  same  personage  before.  Where 
could  it  have  been  ?  Somewhere,  he  felt  certain,  in 
New  York.  At  length  the  truth  flashed  across  his 
mind.     It  was  the  same  individual  who,  long  ago, 

had  delivered  him  from  the  mock  auction,  in  Broad- 

•» 

way. 

II. 

By  instituting  proper  inquiries  during  the  next 


286  Guy  Aver  all. 

few  days,  Guy  Averall  was  enabled  to  ascertain  a 
few  items  in  regard  to  the  previous  history  of  his 
benefactor.  Lieutenant  Square,  was  a  man  whom 
fortune  had  favored  in  many  respects;  and  who,  at 
the  same  time,  had  not  abused  her  gifts.  His  an- 
cestors, the  Squares  of  Madison  Square,  were  of  an 
old  Knickerbocker  stock;  and  as  such,  had  occupied 
a  somewhat  prominent  place  in  the  history  of  his 
native  State,  at  a  time  when  family  influence,  and 
perhaps  we  may  add,  personal  merit,  passed  for  more 
than  they  do  now.  As  to  himself,  the  Lieutenant 
had  received  all  the  advantages  that  a  liberal  train- 
ing could  give.  He  had  passed  through  the  usual 
fitting  schools  in  a  creditable  way,  and  had  already 
graduated  at  one  of  our  eastern  colleges,  when  the 
tender  of  an  appointment  to  the  military  academy 
was  made,  and  this,  after  a  little  hesitation,  he  saw 
proper  to  accept.  His  course  at  that  institution  was 
such  as  to  gain  him  the  good  will  of  both  instructors 
and  cadets.  Of  studious  habits,  and  attentive  to  his 
duties,  he,  at  the  same  time,  avoided  that  offensive 
smartness,  which  seems  to  take  delight  in  "pinking" 
a  brother  soldier;  and  as  a  natural  consequence  he 
Kas  regarded  as  a  "fine  fellow,"  who  was  justly  en- 
titled to  all  the  favors  that  the  institution  heaped  on 
him.  His  friends  visited  him  occasionally  while  at 
West  Point;  and  among  others,  that  little  cousin  of 
his,  to  whom  report  said  he  was  now  engaged,  had 
frequently  met  him  there.  After  receiving  his  com- 
mission, he  served  for  a  couple  of  years  with  his 
regimeTit,  and  at  the  termination  of  that  time,  he 
was  selected  by  General  Scott,  as  a  member  of  his 
staff.     Here,  he  had  the  honor  of  being   entrusted 


Guy  Averall.  287 

with  several  missions  of  a  sufficiently  delicate  and 
important  nature  to  testify  the  esteem  in  which  the 
General  himself  held  him.  Such  advantages  as 
study  and  travel  could  confer,  were  not  meanwhile 
neglected  by  Lieutenant  Square;  he  had  crossed  the 
American  Continent,  on  two  successive  occasions, 
for  the  purpose  of  examining  its  topographical  fea- 
tures, and  on  his  return  from  one  of  these,  had  made 
a  very  elaborate  report  on  the  subject  to  his  military 
superiors.  Nor  had  good  luck  neglected  him  in 
other  regards— an  uncle  of  his  died  about  this  time, 
who  left  him  a  very  considerable  sum  of  money, 
safely  invested  in  a  United  States  loan.  And  thus, 
on  the  whole,  it  may  be  said  of  him,  as  was  formerly 
said  of  the  Danish  King,  he  had 

A  combination  and  a  form,  indeed, 
Where  every  god  did  seem  to  set  his  seal 
To  give  the  w^orld,  assurance  of  a  man. 

And  is  this  account,  laudatory  although  it  may 
seem,  an  exaggerated,  or  an  unnatural  one  .?  Do  we 
not,  every  now  and  then,  meet  in  the  Army  men  who 
seem  to  unite  in  themselves  all  the  good  qualities 
attributed  to  this  officer  ?  Are  such  persons  as  Bay- 
ard and  Sidney  now  extinct  in  the  military  profes- 
sion ?  We  hope  not,  even  in  this  time  serving, 
money  making  age  of  ours.  For  our  part,  we  utterly 
despise  that  sneering,  fault-finding  disposition,  which 
refuses  to  see  anything  good  in  those  by  whom  we 
are  surrounded.  It  is  only  the  fiend  Mephistopheles 
himself,  and  his  followers,  who  habitually  exhibit 
this  unenviable  trait. 

As  to  the  officer's  fiancee^  nothing  was  known  at 
19 


288  Guy  Averall. 

the  time  by  Guy  Averall,  beyond  the  fact  that  she 
was  reported  pretty;  and  like  Square  himself  was 
believed  to  be  wealthy;  indeed  the  union  of  their 
respective  fortunes  was  commented  on,  as  a  thing  of 
mutual  advantage.  Further  than  this  neither  Guy 
Averall,  nor  any  of  the  enlisted  men  then  serving  at 
Fort  Columbus  knew  anything  of  the  lady;  although 
it  was  a  fair  matter  of  inference,  that  a  person  like 
Lieutenant  Square  would  never  seek  an  alliance  with 
any  one  whom  he  could  not  esteem  and  value  as  a 
friend, 

III. 

The  chapeau  bras  was  now  over,  the  inquiry  as 
to  the  death  of  Private  Grady  was  ended,  the  indig- 
nation of  the  Inspector  General  was  satisfied;  so 
Mrs.  Daisy  had  an  opportunity  to  expatiate  once 
more  on  those  amiable  dignitaries  in  Europe,  on 
whom  her  mind  as  an  aristocratic  member  of  society 
seem  to  constantly  dwell;  while  Guy  Averall  once 
more  took,  to  his  studies  with  renewed  vigor.  He 
commenced  mathematics,  and  having  a  natural  apti- 
tude in  that  direction,  he  soon  made  considerable 
progress  in  these  studies;  in  a  year  indeed,  he  was 
able  to  go  through  the  entire  discussion  of  curves  of 
the  second  degree,  as  deduced  from  the  expression 
between  two  variables,  a  fact  which  indicated  a  very 
considerable  amount  of  geometrical  skill.  In 
French,  the  want  of  a  teacher  was  somewhat  severely 
felt;  for  although  he  read  his  Gil  Bias  and  Charles 
the  Twelfth  in  due  order,  his  pronunciation  of  the 
language  was  really  no  pronunciation  at  all,  while  his 
knowledge  of  the  niceties  of  the  tongue  was,  like 
that  of  most  foreigners  v/ho  study  it,  never  very  accu- 


Guy  Aver  all.  289 

rate.  We  all  remember  the  criticism  of  Macaulay, 
as  applied  to  this  subject,  when  speaking  of  Fred- 
erick the  Great.  Some  encouragement  Averall  re- 
ceived, at  this  time,  from  looking  over  the  grammar 
of  William  Cobbett,  who  gives  a  very  interesting  ac- 
count of  the  way  he  studied  French.  Cobbett  was 
like  Averall,  an  enlisted  soldier,  but  while  serving  in 
the  ranks  he  indulged  in  none  of  the  dissipation 
common  in  barrack  life.  Among  other  circumstances 
which  the  Englishman  mentions,  is  an  expedient, 
adopted  while  serving  with  his  Regiment  in  Canada, 
in  order  to  impress  on  his  memory  the  various  forms 
of  irregular  verbs.  This  was  a  piece  of  pasteboard 
containing  a  list  of  these  words,  written  alphabeti- 
cally, which  was  carried  round  by  Cobbett  in  his 
pocket,  and  whenever  a  particular  termination  was 
forgotten,  the  card  was  always  forthcoming  to  re- 
fresh his  memory.  And  the  industry  and  self 
restraint,  implied  in  such  a  course  as  this,  ultimately 
obtained  its  reward,-  for  many  years  from  that  date, 
William  Cobbett,  once  Sergeant  Major  of  the  54th 
Foot,  stood  up  as  a  candidate  for  the  borough  of 
Oldham,  and  for  that  borough  was  elected  a  member 
of  the  British  Parliament. 

But  there  were  other  students  beside  Guy  Averall 
at  the  Fort,  and  while  discharging  his  every  day 
duties  as  Orderly  at  Headquarters,  our  friend  had 
frequent  opportunities  of  observing  the  wonderful 
genius  of  Hector,  not  only  in  regard  to  mathematics, 
but  to  such  other  subjects  as  he  was  taught.  "We 
will  have  to  send  the  child  to  West  Point,  on  his 
return  from  Paris,  he  has  such  commanding  talents, 
that  it  would  be  a  pity  to  neglect  him,"  was  the  con- 


290  Guy  Averall 

stant  exclamation  of  Mrs.  Daisy;  and  certes  the 
talents  of  Hector  were  of  a  most  extraordinary  de- 
scription, as  far  as  Guy  was  capable  of  judging.  One 
day  the  Brigadier  went  over  to  town,  and  Averall 
was  told  to  assist  Miss  Davis,  in  fixing  a  set  of 
window  curtains  in  the  parlor.  Hardly  had  he  began 
the  task,  when  Blodgett,  who  in  spite  of  his  declara- 
tion to  keep  away  from  Headquarters,  apparently 
took  advantage  of  the  absence  of  Brigadier  to  play 
the  dearly  devoted  to  Miss  Davis.  In  he  came  to 
the  parlor,  sat  down  to  the  piano,  and  commenced 
drumming  away  in  a  very  brilliant  style,  his  hair  as 
long  and  as  fiery  as  usual,  and  his  shirt,  if  the  truth 
must  be  told,  very  clean  indeed  for  a  person  of  his 
habits.  The  piece  chosen  was  one  from  a  selection 
of  miscellaneous  music,  and  as  the  irrepressible 
stretched  himself  back  on  the  music  stool,  he  gs,ve 
Guy  and  Miss  Davis  his  rendering  of  the  following 
song: 

I 

In  days  of  ancient  chivalry, 
A  Knight  of  noble  name, 

Had  lost  his  lordly  lands  and  state, 
But  not  his  well-earned  fame. 

"  I  care  not  for  my  vanished  wealth, 
"  My  gold  and  silver  flown, 

"I  still  can  wit-Id  uy  trusty  sword, 
"  And  honor's  stil.  my  own. 

"  I  still  can  wield  my  trusty  sword, 
"  And  honor's  still  my  own." 

2 

His  life  blood  ebbing  fast  away 

Upon  the  battle  plain 
That  Knight  siill  grasped  his  gallant  sword, 

Though  human  help  was  vain. 


Gtty  Aver  all.  291 

"  My  soul  to  God,  my  heart  to  her 

"  Who  fills  this  bosom's  throne, 
"  My  life  is  for  my  country  given, 

•'  But  honor's  still  my  own, 
"  My  life  is  for  my  countr.'  given, 

•'  But  honor's  still  my  own." 

"Well  by  Jupiter,"  said  Blodgett,  when  he  had 
finished  the  last  Une,  "  if  they  had  only  given  me  a 
fair  chance,  when  I  was  a  boy,  in  the  way  of  a  musi- 
cal education,  I  would  have  been  one  of  the  greatest 
of  opera  singers,  by  this  time,  that  was  ever  heard, 
either  in  this  or  any  other  country." 

"  Do  you  really  think  so,"  said  Miss  Davis  as  if 
somewhat  amused  at  the  officer's  appreciation  of 
himself. 

"Certainly,"  said  Blodgett  again  returning  to  the 
charge,  "  I  have  naturally  one  of  the  best  tenor  voices 
that  ever  was  known.  I  can  go  over  a  good  two 
octaves  and  a  half— all  the  way  from  A  flat  to  D 
sharp — just  hear  me."  And  in  an  instant  the  irre- 
pressible Lieutenant  was  running  over  the  notes,  just 
as  if  he  were  at  a  New  England  Singing  School. 

"Why,  Mr.  Blodgett,"  said  Miss  Davis  with  a 
smile,  as  if  determined  to  humor  the  foible  of  her 
visitor.  "  I  really  had  no  idea  that  you  possessed 
such  a  magnificent  organ.  Why  if  you  only  had  a 
proper  training,  you  might  go  on  the  stage  at  any 
time,  and  acquire  a  reputation  in  opera." 

"By  Jupiter,  so  I  might  Miss  Davis,"  said 
Blodgett,  who  accepted  the  compHment  without  a 
moment's  hesitation.  "And  you,  by  the  way,  are 
not  the  first  person  who  has  told  me  the  same  thing. 
Why,  I  have  a  friend  in  New  York,  who  assures  me 


292  Guy  Aver  all. 

that  Brignoli  is  no  singer  at  all  in  comparison  to  me; 
and  that  if  I  had  tried  the  part  of  Manrico,  I  could 
have  beat  him  all  hollow.  Miss  Davis,  I  have  a 
proposition  to  make.  I  can  get  an  arrangement  of 
ah  chela  morte  in  the  city;  and  let  us  both  see  what 
we  can  accomplish  in  that  duet.  I'll  do  my  best  I 
assure  you." 

*'I  have  no  doubt,  Mr.  Blodgett,"  said  Miss 
Davis,  "  that  a  person  of  your  musical  skill,  would 
be  able  to  acquit  himself  in  a  piece,  such  as  that, 
with  great  credit." 

"By  Jupiter,  Miss  Davis,"  responded  Blodgett, 
who  now  threw  back  his  head,  and  gave  himself  an 
appreciative  shake.  "  By  Jupiter,  Miss  Davis,  it 
does  me  real  good  to  hear  a  sensible  woman,  like 
you,  talking  in  that  way.  Other  ladies  of  my  ac- 
quaintance might  repeat  my  praises  from  morning 
to  night,  and  from  night  to  morning,  and  yet  their 
words  would  be  to  me  mere  phrases,  signifying  noth- 
ing. Miss  Davis,  I  do  not  know  that  I  can  express 
my  feelings,  on  this  occasion,  in  any  more  appropri- 
ate way,  than  by  saying  that  I  am  willing  to  sing 
duets  with  you,  not  only  when  serving  on  Governor's 
Island,  but  also  during  life.  Miss  Davis,  just  think 
of  these  words  for  a  moment.  During  life,  Miss 
Davis,  during  life !" 

"Oh  dear  me,  Mr.  Blodgett,"  said  Miss  Eleanor, 
who  did  not  care  apparently  to  take  the  words  of  the 
irrepressible  Lieutenant  in  the  way  these  were  evi- 
dently intended.  "I  like  a  little  music,  now  and 
then,  and  shall  be  always  glad  to  have  you  to  accom- 
pany me,  when  at  your  leisure.  But  singing  duets 
through  life,  I'm  afraid,  would  be  a  somewhat  mo- 


Guy  Averall.  293 

notonous  occupation.  For  my  part,  I  should  cer- 
tainly desire  a  more  varied  existence  than  that." 

"  Then  I  am  willing  to  make  it  as  varied  as  you 
please,  Miss  Davis,  provided  you  give^ne  the  chance, 
I'll  dance,  I'll  sing,  I'll  ride  with  you.  I'll  do  every- 
thing in  the  world  to  make  you  happy,  if  only — " 

"Oh  dear  me,  Mr.  Blodgett,"  said  Miss  Eleanor, 
somewhat  embarrassed.  "I  have  always  been  sensible 
of  your  politeness  as  an  officer  at  this  post."  And 
then  as  if  to  change  the  subject,  the  lady  asked  the 
irrepressible  how  he  liked  some  music  which  had 
been  given  the  week  previous  in  New  York  ? 

"Very  well,  indeed,"  responded  Blodgett,  who 
was  now  all  aglow  on  one  subject,  "  I  like  the  per- 
formance very  much,  the  barcarolle,  for  instance,  was 
very  fine;  although,  as  I've  said  before,  I'd  beat  that 
ass  of  a  Brignoli,  in  this  matter  of  singing,  com- 
pletely. But  that  was  not  the  matter.  Miss  Davis, 
we  were  discussing,  just  now,  if  you  recollect.  We 
were  simply  speaking  of  singing  duets  together.  Miss 
Davis,  you  do  not  know  how  happy  I  should  be,  if 
only  I  were  able  to  sing  and  talk,  and  play  accom- 
paniments, on  the  piano,  with  you,  whenever  I  like." 

"  Let  us  change  the  subject  to  something  more 
agreeable,"  said  Miss  Eleanor,  who  now  began  to 
perceive  that  Blodgett  was  in  no  humor  to  be  put  off. 
And  at  the  same  instant  our  friend  Averall,  who 
overheard  all  their  conversation  from  his  seat  in  the 
hallway,  was  angry  enough  with  the  pertinacious  fel- 
low, now  arguing  his  cause,  to  take  him  bodily,  and 
throw  him  out  of  the  house.  But  the  Lieutenant 
was  in  no  humor  to  be  put  off. 

"Oh!  Miss  Davis,"  exclaimed  he  in  a  way  that 


294  Guy  Averall. 

was  almost  irresistible,  "  why  do  you  talk  in  that 
cruel,  cruel  manner!  You  do  not  know  how  long  I 
have  cherished  you  as  the  queen  of  my  inmost 
thoughts !  You  do  not  know  how  long  I  have 
doated,  have  dreamed  on  you;  how  during  the  silent 
watches  of  the  night  I  have  dwelt  on  your  image; 
how  even  in  my  midnight  sleep  I  have — " 

"  Mr.  Blodgett,"  said  Miss  Eleanor  with  some 
indignation,  "have  I  ever  done  or  said  anything  to 
encourage  such  a  declaration  as  this?" 

Such  a  question  as  the  foregoing,  put  to  any  or- 
dinary mortal,  ought  to  have  been  sufficient ;  but 
Blodgett,  as  the  reader  is  probably  aware,  was  one  of 
those  consumate  asses,  spite  of  his  vast  scientific 
knowledge,  who  would  not  remain  satisfied  with  a 
mere  refusal,  so  he  resolved  to  carry  the  fortress  by 
a  coup  de  main,  and  down  he  went  accordingly  on 
his  knees.  Miss  Davis  would  willingly  have  told  him 
that  the  subject  he  had  insisted  on  was  really  a  very 
painful  one  ;  but  Blodgett  would  not  listen  to  any 
remonstrance  on  her  part,  so  with  hands  clasped,  and 
head  thrown  to  one  side,  he  began  pouring  out  his 
phrases  in  the  most  extravagant  way.  But  at  this 
juncture  the  interview  was  cut  short;  for  Averall, 
hearing  the  ui)roar  in  the  parlor,  determined  at  all 
risks  to  come  to  the  assistance  of  his  mistress,  and 
therefore  sans  ceremonic,  he  strode  into  the  room.  As 
soon  as  Guy  made  his  appearance,  Blodgett  jumped 
to  his  feet,  and  Miss  Eleanor  as  if  anxious  to  termin- 
ate the  interview  in  this  way,  directed  the  orderly  to 
put  a  few  sticks  of  wood  on  the  fire. 

"You  wont  listen  to  me  then,"  said  Blodgett  to 
Miss    Eleanor,  by  way  of  a    parting   shot.     But    the 


Guy  Averall.  295 

latter  simply  looked  at  the  officer,  without  saying  a 
word,  and  the  other  understanding  the  silence  of  the 
lady  as  his  conge,  quietly  left  the  room.  At  the  same 
time  Guy  Averall  was  ready  to  give  him  his  blessing, 
"  You  greasy  compound  of  dirt  and  braggadocio," 
said  he  to  himself,  "  if  you  had  a  little  cleanliness 
and  modesty;  just  like  any  one  else,  you  would  pass 
muster  well  enough.  However,  as  the  case  now 
apparently  stands,  I'm  not  much  afraid  for  Miss 
Davis." 


It  was  some  little  time  after  the  disappearance  of 
Blodgett,  before  Miss  Davis  could  recover  her  usual 
self-possession  ;  the  matter  nevertheless  was  set  at 
rest  in  a  very  commonplace  way,  by  the  appear- 
ance of  young  Hector,  who  now  made  his  entrance 
into  the  room,  and  began  shouting  at  the  top  of  his 
voice,  "  Bah !  bah  !  bah !  bah !  I  want  some  cake,  I 
want  some  cake.  Bah  !  bah  !  bah  !  bah  !  wont  you 
come  away  at  once  and  get  me  some  cake  .'*  " 

**  For  heaven's  sake,  Hector,"  said  Miss  Davis,  as 
if  distressed  beyond  measure  at  the  obstreperous 
noise,  **  go  and  get  your  book,  and  study  your  lessons* 
and  dont  think  eternally  of  your  stomach.  Where 
is  that  little  French  grammar  of  yours  ?  Go  and 
learn  your  lessons  in  it,  as  soon  as  you  can,  and  I  will 
be  ready  to  hear  you  in  a  few  minutes." 

"Yes,  but  who  can  study  his  French  lessons,  or 
anything  else,  without  his  cake.  I  cant,  I  tell  you 
cousin  Eleanor,  I  cant,  so  that  is  an  end  of  the  mat- 
ter." In  twenty  minutes  or  therabouts,  however,  the 
gallant  youth  again  made  his  appearance,  with  a  dog- 


t96  Guv  Ave  rail. 

eared  book  in  one  hand,  and  a  slate  in  the  other. 
Miss  Davis  sat  down  on  a  lounge,  and  cunimcnced 
teaching  school. 

"  Come  now,  Hector,  go  on  with  your  French,  let 
me  hear  you  read,"  was  the  first  expression  on  the 
part  of  the  promj)tress. 

*'  I  want  some  cake,  I  want  some  cake,  I  cant 
read  French  without  my  cake."  And  forthwith 
Hector  opened  his  book. 

**  Juh  ai  un  bon " 

"  Not  jah  ai,  Hector — fai  is  tlie  word,  jironounced 
as  one  syllable." 

"  Very  well,  j'ai  un  bon  pcre,  et  un  bonne  mere." 

"  Not  un  bonne  mere.  Hector,  une  bonne  mere — 
mere,  you  must  recollect,  is  feminine." 

"  Very  well,  une  bonne  mere.  Men  pere  a  vu  la 
maison  et  le  jardins," 

"Not  le  jardins,  Hector,  jardins  is  plural — les 
jardins  is  the  word." 

"Very  well,  les  gardins.  J'ai  une  grammaire, 
une  ardoise,  et  June  crayon." 

"  That  will  do,  now  shut  your  book,  and  lot  me 
ask  a  few  questions  in  grammar.  How  many  numbers 
have  we  in  French  V 

"  Two,"  said  Hector  quite  boldly. 

"  Two,  that  is  very  well.  Now  what  are  their 
names.?" 

"  Masculine  and  feminine,"  responded  Hector 
with  great  alertness. 

"  Masculine  and  feminine  numbers  !"  exclaimed 
Miss  Eleanor,  "  why  Hector,  you  surely  know  better 
than  that." 

"  Well  the  books  says  so,  that  there  are  two  numb- 


Guy  Aver  all.  297 

ers,  masculine  and  feminine,  and  if  the  book  is  wrong 
I  don't  know  what  to  say." 

"  Hector  !  Hector  !"  replied  Miss  Davis.  "  I 
almost  despair  of  you.  There  are  two  numbers, 
singular  and  plural,  now  try  and  recollect  that." 

"  Very  well,  two  numbers,  singular  and  plural, 
go  on,"  said  Hector,  who  evidently  cared  less  for  his 
lesson  than  for  something  to  eat. 

"  How  many  genders  have  we  in  French  V 

"Three,  masculine,  feminine,  and  neuter.  That 
is  all  I  can  think  of,  though  there  may  be  more." 

This  was  rather  too  much  for  Miss  Eleanor.  She 
had  been  using  her  utmost  endeavors  to  drum  a  little 
French  into  a  greedy,  stupid,  boy,  for  a  period  of  six 
months,  and  behold  the  result  !  Finally  she  told 
him  to  take  his  slate,  and  set  down  a  sum  in  addition, 
according  to  her  dictation. 

"  Twenty-eight." 

"  Very  well,  twenty-eight,"  said  Hector. 

"Three  hundred  and  twenty-four,"  said  Miss 
Davis. 

"Three  hundred  and  twenty-four,"  repeated 
Hector,  setting  down  the  sum  at  the  same  time. 

**  Sixty-two,"  said  the  one, 

*'  Sixty-two,"  repeated  the  other. 

"  Five  hundred  and  ninety-eight,"  enunciated 
Miss  Davis. 

"Five  hundred  and  ninety-eight,"  rejoined  the 
other. 

"  Very  well,  now  see  how  much  the  sum  total  is," 
said  Miss  Eleanor. 

Hector  rubbed  and  worked,  and  added  for  a 
while,  and  finally  announced  the  result  as  sixty-seven 


29S  Guy  Ave  rail. 

thousand  one  hundred   and  ninety-eight,  as  clearly 
appears  by  the  following  count : 

28 
324 
62 

598 


67198 

Sixty-seven  thousand  one  hundred  and  ninety- 
eight,  sixty-seven  thousand  one  hundred  and  ninety- 
eight  "  exclaimed  Miss  Davis  in  absolute  despair; 
while  Guy  Averall,  in  spite  of  his  best  efforts  to 
appear  unconcerned,  w  as  forced  to  laugh  outright  at 
this  elaborate  specimen  of  stupidity.  The  Brigadier 
for  the  last  four  or  five  months  has  been  commending 
Hector's  powers  of  calculation,  on  every  possible 
occasion,  and  now  behold  the  evidence  of  this  im- 
portant fact.  For  ourselves,  as  historians  of  this 
simple  but  well  authenticated  narrative,  we  have 
nothing  more  to  say  than  to  recommend  Hector 
Daisy's  method  of  addition  to  all  imaginative  mothers, 
in  the  Army,  who  contemjjlate  sending  their  sons  to 
this  or  that  scientific  institution, 

VI. 

And  yet  Miss  Davis  had  opportunities  enough  to 
exercise  her  patience  with  other  personages  beside 
Hector.  During  the  week  following  the  chapcau  bras 
a  call  as  a  matter  of  duty,  was  obligatory  on  those 
who  had  participated  in  the  festivities  at  Governor's 
Island  ;  so  Miss  Eleanor  had  another  opportunity  of 
seeing  the  guests  who  assembled  on  that  eventful  oc- 
casion. There  was  Captain  Le  Froy,  of  the  Twenty- 
sixth,    an    excellent    soldier   in    every   respect,    who 


Guy  Ave  rail  299 

strange  to  say,  passed  through  the  war  of  the  Rebel- 
lion without  attracting  any  marked  attention  m  spite 
of  the  fact,  that  he  was  almost  constantly  in  the  field. 
There  was  Colonel  Guliston,  per  contra,  of  the  En- 
gineers, a  big,  broad,   fat,  red-faced  old  man;    o 
coarse,  ungainly  manners,  who  was  always  talking  of 
the  way  that  a  certain   Major  Switzer  of  his  corps, 
contrived  to  rob  him  of  the  reputation  he  had  ac- 
quired  at  the  seige  of  Vera  Cruz,  by  toadying,  m  the 
most  infamous  manner,  to  the  whims  and  caprices  of 
a  well-known    General   officer.     There  was  Doctor 
Lambert,  of  the  Medical  Staff,  a  small,  dark  visaged 
wiry  little  fello^v,  who  enjoyed  the  reputation  of  being 
a  great  manufacturer  of  puns-a  man  who  would 
twist   the   most   commonplace  expression   into   any 
conceivable  shape,  in  order  to  have  an  opportunity 
to  give  vent  to  some  jingling  resemblance  of  sounds, 
in  words  and  ideas  which  have  no  possible  resem- 
blance to  each  other.     There  was  Captain  Backus,  a 
rather  undemonstrative  individual,  in  ordinary  mat- 
ters although  considered  learned  in  the  law.    Captain 
Backus  was  a  firm  supporter  of  a  Judge  Advocate  s 
Department  in  the  Army;  and  certes  he  lived  long 
enough  to  see  it  established  too  ;  although  considered 
rather  too  old,  when  this  event  took  place,  to  receive 
any  of  the  appointments  which  that  branch  of  the 
Service   then   offered.     There  was  Forkes,  the  Pay- 
master,  a  fat,  happy-looking  personage,  who  took  the 
world  easy.     Major  Forkes  got  his  place  on  account 
of  the  way  he  had  voted  during   an    election  for 
Senator  in  the  legislature  of  Pennsylvania ;  and  held 
on  to  it  ever  since,  in  the  way  that  a  sensible,  witty 
fellow  might   naturally  be  expected  to  do.     Ihere 


300  Guy  Ave  rail. 

was  Colonel  Cotters  of  the  Subsistence  Department ; 
a  regularly  trained  soldier  at  West  Point,  whose  strong 
point,  when  discussing  military  matters  was  the  vast 
and  illimitable  distance  that  lay  between  an  officer  of 
the  Staff  and  an  officer  of  the  line,  and  how  much 
more  polite,  affable  and  intellectual  the  former  class 
of  gentlemen  were,  than  the  latter.  There  was 
Square  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  with  Avhose 
merits  the  reader  is  already  sufficiently  acquainted- 
There  was  Triangle  of  the  Topographical  Engineers, 
who  made  himself  somewhat  obnoxious  to  the  good 
Mrs.  Daisy,  the  night  of  the  chapeau  bras,  by  asking 
for  her  niece,  on  that  momentous  occasion.  Now 
regarding  the  characteristics  of  Captain  Triangle,  a 
few  words  will  suffice.  He  was  really,  a  good  sub- 
stantial, hard-working  fellow,  with  a  very  tolerable 
head  and  heart,  a  man  in  short,  to  whom  a  sedulous 
matron  might  well  entrust  the  keeping  of  a  ward,  be 
the  latter  niece  or  daughter.  The  habits  of  Triangle 
were  regular,  he  had  saved  a  considerable  portion  of 
his  pay,  his  temperament  was  such  that  there  was  no 
very  great  likelihood  of  his  ever  indulging  in  whim- 
sical follies,  and  although  he  could  hardly  be  called 
brilliant,  yet  he  certainly  had  sound  sense  sufficient 
to  acquit  himself  with  decent  credit,  in  any  matter  of 
duty  that  was  ever  likely  to  come  under  his  cogniz- 
ance. In  short,  Triangle  had  a  great  many  points  in 
his  favor;  while  the  objections  that  could  be  urged 
against  him,  as  a  marrying  man,  were  not  of  very 
great  moment.  But  this  only  caused  Mrs.  Daisy  to 
be  more  careful  in  the  way  she  received  him,  and 
after  his  name  was  announced.  Miss  Eleanor,  as  if 
by  accident,  was  directed  to  superintend  some  house- 


Guy  Aver  all.  301 

hold  work,  which  "that  dear  Irish  servant  girl," 
according  to  Mrs.  Daisy,  was  then  perpetrating  in 
the  kitchen.  So  away  went  Miss  Eleanor  to  her  task, 
and  in  the  mean  time  the  lady  of  the  house  did  her 
very  best  to  entertain  her  visitor  ;  and  after  he  was 
gone  she  even  saw  fit  to  congratulate  herself,  that 
she  had  contrived  to  circumvent  both  the  officer  and 
her  niece  without  exciting  the  suspicion  of  either 
the  one  or  the  other.  As  to  the  officer,  she  certainly 
did  out-manoeuvre  him  ;  for  Captain  Triangle  was 
too  honest  and  upright  a  man  to  believe  that  any 
person,  worthy  the  name  of  a  woman,  would  throw 
obstacles  in  the  way  of  the  settlement  of  a  relative, 
merely  because  the  one  had  heretofore  secured  in  the 
person  of  the  other  a  useful  drudge  around  her 
household.  But  Miss  Eleanor  understood  her  aunt 
pretty  thoroughly,  and  after  she  had  discharged  her 
school-teaching  and  culinary  duties  that  day,  with 
evert  more  than  her  customary  care,  and  had  retired 
in  the  evening  to  her  own  little  room,  the  girl  being 
in  a  soliloquizing  mood,  saw  proper  to  give  scope  to 
her  reflections  in  the  following  way, 

"  Well,  well,"  .said  she,  "  it  will  not  be  the  fault 
of  Mrs.  Daisy,  if  anything  happens  to  disturb  the 
serenity  of  this  household,  at  least,  as  far  as  I  am 
personally  concerned.  I  don't  know  but  I  should 
feel  complimented  in  having  so  much  store  set  on 
my  services.  I  suppose,  if  I  were  careless  or  untidy 
or  ill-tempered,  or  were  even  blessed  with  a  head- 
ache all  the  time,  my  aunt  would  be  glad  to  get  rid 
of  me.  But  because  I  have  none  of  these  things, 
my  connection  with  her  is  indissoluble.  She  need 
not  have  been  at  the  trouble,  though,  of  sending  me 


302  Guy  Ave  rail. 

down  so  abruptly  to  the  kitchen,  when  Captain  Tri- 
angle made  his  appearance,  for  I  have  heard  so  many- 
sneers  and  innuendos,  of  late,  on  this  subject  of 
husband  hunting,  that  I  declare  I  would  hardly  move 
two  inches  out  of  my  way  to  catch  the  best  man  in 
the  universe.  My  aunt  imagines,  forsooth,  I  am 
somewhat  afraid  of  descending  into  the  category  of 
old  maids!  She  never  committed  a  greater  error  in 
her  life.  Old  maids!  Why  should  this  thing  of  get- 
ting married,  I  ask,  be  made  the  be-all  and  end-all 
of  our  feminine  existence  ?  For  my  part  I  could 
never  see  that  there  was  any  reason  or  justice  in  the 
sentiment.  Some  of  the  best  women  I  have  ever 
known  were  old  maids — women  who  have  been  an 
honor  to  their  sex,  and  whose  shoe  latchets,  I  feel  I 
am  unworthy  to  loosen.  In  short,  as  far  as  being  a 
nun  is  concerned,  I  neither  court  the  condition,  nor 
on  the  other  hand  do  I  fly  away  from  it.  One  thing 
is  very  certain,  if  it  is  the  wish  of  heaven  for  me  to 
remain  as  I  am,  I  shall  never  indulge  in  repining  or 
ill  natured  thoughts  on  that  account.  Let  me  rather 
strive  to  grow. old  well,  and  with  good  words  and 
charitable  thoughts,  endeavor  to  diffuse  a  spirit  of 
contentment  and  forbearance  among  those  that  sur- 
round me.  For  the  present,  therefore,  let  a  faithful 
discharge  of  my  every  day  duties  be  my  first  object, 
and  a  firm  trust  in  a  protecting  providence  my  chief 
consolation,  under  any  little  annoyance  to  which  I 
may  be  subjected." 

VII. 

During  the  progress  of  the  foregoing  events,  the 
bard,   Mr.    Hogan,  saw  fit  to  entertain  the  enlisted 


Guy  Averall.  303 

men  of  Company  "E,"  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery, 
with  a  very  pleasant  little  expedition  on  his  part. 
At  one  end  of  Rotten  Row,  as  already  hinted,  was  a 
trader's  establishment,  kept  by  a  man  called  Cole- 
gate,  which  place  was  famous  for  the  exorbitant 
charges  levied  on  the  rank  and  file,  belonging  to  the 
post.  Every  thing  in  it  seemed  to  be  sold  at  a  rate 
fully  one  hundred  per  cent,  over  New  York  prices. 
Cheese,  for  instance,  ten  cents  a  pound  in  town, 
twenty  with  Colegate;  butter  fifteen  cents  in  one 
place,  thirty  in  the  other;  crackers  five  cents  in  New 
York,  were  charged  at  double  that  sum  on  the  Island. 
In  addition  to  all  this,  Mr.  Colegate  had  the  privilege 
of  issuing  credit  tickets  to  the  enlisted  men  for  one- 
half  of  their  pay,  and  afterwards  collecting  the 
amount  charged  from  the  paymaster,  a  system  of  un- 
doubted benefit  to  himself,  but  at  the  same  time  of 
very  questionable  advantage  to  the  soldier.  Dis- 
putes frequently  arose  in  the  settlement  of  these  ac- 
counts, and  as  the  charges  of  Colegate  were  well 
known  to  be  extortionate,  it  is  easy  to  conceive  that 
the  sutler  was  anything  rather  than  a  prime  favorite 
with  one  part  of  the  military  establishment  at  Fort 
Columbus.  *'  If  I  could  browbeat  that  old  rascal 
out  of  a  few  dollars  at  pay  day,  I  should  consider  it 
no  sin,  in  any  sense  of  the  term,"  said  a  member  of 
the  Company  on  one  occasion, 

"That  man  has  no  feeling,  in  any  one  way,"  said 
another.  "  He  charged  me  two  dollars  and  a  quar- 
ter for  that  bottle  of  cogniac,"  here  the  complainant 
held  up  a  bottle,  which  at  one  time  contained  the 
liquor — "  and  I  know  if  the  same  article  were  sold  to 
an  officer,  the  price  would  be  only  one-half." 
20 


304  Guy  Aver  all. 

"  Let  me  look  at  that  bottle,"  said  Hogan  with  a 
smile.  "  It  is  empty  I  see — all  gone.  Allow  me  to  say 
you  have  no  feeling,  yourself,  to  drink  it  up  in  that 
way,  without  dividing  it  properly  with  your  comrades. '' 

*'  I  did  divide  it,  though — I  divided  the  brandy 
as  far  as  it  went;  but,  confound  it,  when  every  one 
in  a  squad  room  has  a  swig  out  of  such  a  bottle  as 
that,  the  thing  will  not  last  a  great  many  minutes." 

"  I  forgive  you,"  responded  Hogan.  "  I  take 
back,  every  word  that  I  said,  and  in  proof  of  my 
sincerity  I  promise  to  procure  you  a  bottle  of  the 
same  article,  from  Mr.  Colegate,  for  the  small  sum  of 
seventy-five  cents,  provided  you  will  share  the  con- 
tents with  the  four  persons  who  are  in  this  room  at 
present."" 

"  I  accept  your  proposal,  the  money  will  be  forth- 
coming, in  due  time,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Hand  me  the  empty  bottle,"  said  Hogan.  The 
bottle  was  immediately  produced. 

"  AVhere  is  the  cork  and  the  tinfoil  that  was  over 

it  r 

"Here  they  are,  if  you  want  them,"  was  there- 
joinder. 

'*  Very  well,  that  will  do." 

And  immediately  Mr.  Hogan  went  over  to  the 
bucket  that  was  standing  in  one  corner  of  the  squad 
room,  took  a  quantity  of  water  out  of  it,  filled  the 
empty  bottle,  put  in  a  small  portion  of  brown  sugar, 
which  he  procured  in  the  cook  house,  gave  the  mix- 
ture a  shake,  corked  it  securely,  put  on  the  tinfoil  so 
as  to  make  it  look  as  if  the  bottle  had  never  been 
opened,  and  then  pronounced  the  contents  to  be 
brandy  of  first  rate  quality  ! 


Guy  Averall.  305 

"  Let  me  sec  if  I  cannot  persuade  friend  Colegate 
as  to  the  genuineness  of  the  article,"  said  the  bard. 
And  forthwith  the  so-called  brandy  was  whisked 
under  the  skirt  of  his  great  coat,  and  the  clerk  sallied 
out  in  the  direction  of  the  trading  establishment. 

Before  long  Private  Hogan  was  face  to  face  with 
that  august  personage  whom  Mrs.  Daisy  had  desig- 
nated the  "  Sutler's  Secretary.  "  After  a  few  winks 
given  in  his  own  facetious  style,  the  "  Secretary"  was 
induced  to  come  into  a  little  back  room,  that  opened 
from  the  trading  establishment,  and  there  and  then 
Private  Hogan  opened  his  case. 

"  I  want  you  to  sell  me  a  bottle  of  your  best 
cogniac,"  said  the  bard. 

''  Dare  not  do  it — in  fact  there  is  no  brandy  in 
the  place,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Oh  nonsense,  hold  your  tongue,  I  know  a  great 
deal  better.  There  is  Private  So-and-So,  who  got  a 
bottle  from  you  this  very  morning,  for  two  dollars 
and  a  quarter." 

"  Two  dollars  and  a  quarter,  did  you  say — well 
perhaps  he  did.  At  any  rate  I  must  speak  to  Mr. 
Colegate  himself,  for  he  has  forbidden  me  strictly  to 
sell  any  liquor  to  enlisted  men,  unless  with  his  per- 
mission." 

"  Well  I  v,-;!!  wait  here  till  you  see  him  on  the 
subject.  I  am  very  dry,  have  been  sitting  up  all 
night  finishing  a  set  of  muster  rolls,  and  would  give 
almost  any  amount  of  money  for  a  drop." 

The  secretary  now  disappeared,  and  in  a  few 
seconds  returned  with  the  intelligence  that  he  had 
spoken  to  his  chief,  who  had  only  one  bottle  of  liquor 
left  but  for  it  he  must  ask  the  sum  of  three  dollars 
and  a  half." 


3o6'  Guy  Aver  all. ^ 

'*  Pretty  big  price,"  ejaculated  Hogan  ;  still,  as 
I  have  come  after  the  beverage,  a  dollar  here  or  there 
won't  frighten  me.     Hand  me  the  bottle." 

The  brandy  was  now  presented  to  the  bard,  who 
on  receiving  it,  thrust  the  bottle  under  the  skirt  of 
his  coat  and  immediately  walked  off, 

"  Hold  on,  hold  on,"  said  the  secretary,  ''  you 
forgot  to  pay  for  that.  Three  dollars  and  a  half, 
my  dear  sir,  if  you  please." 

"  Don't  you  credit  ?  "  asked  Hogan  with  a  look 
of  infinite  disgust. 

'*  Credit — no — brandy  is  a  contraband  article,  as 
you  well  know,  in  this  place  ;  and  it  would  never  do 
to  put  such  an  item  as  that  in  an  account  rendered 
at  a  pay  table." 

'*  Well  if  you  don't  credit,  I  don't  want  the  bran- 
dy," rejoined  the  bard.  And  in  an  instant  the  bottle 
or  one  very  like  it,  was  handed  back  to  the  sutler's 
deputy.  The  latter  took  the  article  in  happy  uncon- 
sciousness as  to  the  real  merits  of  his  present  pos- 
session, which  was  simply  the  water  and  the  brown 
sugar  already  concocted  by  Hogan  in  the  squad 
room,  while  that  worthy  personage  marched  back  to 
the  garrison  with  the  genuine  article  under  his  coat 
tail,  very  much  elated,  no  doubt,  at  the  success  of  his 
scheme.  He  indignantly  spurned  the  offer  of  the 
seventy- five  cents,  which  was  made  him  by  his 
brother  private,  but  spoke  of  pilfering  a  sutler,  as  if 
it  was  no  great  enormity,  considering  the  charges 
which  the  latter  constantly  imposed  on  members  of 
the  rank  and  file. 

We  have  it  on  record  that  before  the  bard  De- 
modicus  commenced  his  song,  they  gave  him  wine  ; 


G7iy  AveralL  307 

and  under  the  influence  of  such  stimulant  as  he 
obtained  that  evening,  Private  Hogan  recited  a 
combination  of  Tom  Moore  and  himself,  which  as 
an  illustration  of  his  peculiar  genius  may  as  well  be 
inserted  in  this  place. 


Lesbia  hath  a  beaming  eye, 

But  no  one  knows  for  whom  it  beameth, 
Right  and  left  its  arrows  fly, 

But  what  they  aim  at  no  one  dreameth. 
Sweeter  'tis  to  gaze  upon 

My  Norah's  lid  that  seldom  rises, 
Few  her  looks,  but  every  one 

With  unexpected  light  surprises. 
Oh  my  Norah  Creina  dear  ! 

My  gentle  bashful  Norah  Creina  ! 
Beauty  lies  in  many  eyes, 

But  love  in  thine  my  Norah  Creina  ! 


Lesbia's  daughter  I  knew  well, 

She  was  endowed  with  many  graces, 
And  yet  with  spirit  oft  would  tell 

How  womankind  should  keep  their  places. 
"  Where  is  the  use  of  slinging  darts 

From  eyes,  since  now  they're  ineffectual. 
Here  we  can't  pierce  lover's  hearts 

Unless  we  don— the  intellectual," 
Oh  my  Norah  Creina  dear  ! 

My  gentle  bashful  Norah  Creina  ! 
You  are  fine,  but  more  divine, 

I  deem  your  daughter  Norah  Creina  ! 

3. 
Lesbia  wore  a  robe  of  gold, 

But  all  so  tight  the  nymph  had  laced  it, 
Not  a  charm  of  beauty's  mould. 

Presumed  to  stay  where  nature  placed  it. 


3o8  Guy  Ave  rail. 

Oh  my  Norah's  gown  for  me 

That  floats  as  wild  as  mountain  breezes, 
Leaving  every  beauty  free 

To  sink  or  swell  as  heaven  pleases  ! 
Yes  my  Norah  Creina  dear  ! 

My  simple  graceful  Norah  Creina  ! 
Nature's  dress  is  loveliness, 

The  dress  you  wear  my  Norah  Creina  ! 

4- 
Lesbia's  daughter  had  a  dress 

But  what  it  was  I  cannot  state  it, 
Still  I  know  her  lovehness 

Was  such  that  you  could  seldom  mate  it. 
Still  her  elders  air  she  blamed, 
I  As  o'er  the  wash  tub  she  kept  rubbing, 

When  a  nymph  at  nonsense  aimed 

That  nymph  she  thought  deserved  a  drubbing. 
Oh  my  Norah  Creina  dear  ! 

My  gentle  bashful  Norah  Creina  ! 
For  solid  sense,  without  pretence, 

I  laud  your  daughter,  Norah  Creina  ! 

5. 
Lesbia  hath  a  wit  refined. 

But  when  its  points  are  glancing  round  us, 
Who  can  tell  if  they're  designed 

To  dazzle  merely,  or  to  wound  us. 
Pillowed  on  my  Norah's  breast, 

In  safer  slumber  love  reposes, 
Bed  of  peace,  whose  roughest  part, 

Is  but  the  crumpling  of  the  roses. 
Oh  my  Norah  Creina  dear  ! 

My  mild,  my  artless  Norah  Creina  ! 
Wit  though  bright,  has  not  the  light 

That  virarms  your  eyes  my  Norah  Creina  ! 

6. 
Lesbia's  daughter  always  said. 

That  none  but  flirts  in  wit  kept  dealing. 


Guy  Aver  all.  309 

Hands  for  honest  work  were  made 

And  hearts  should  not  be  got  by  stealing. 
Still,  if  Lesbia  were  no  prude 

Against  her  fame  no  word  I'd  utter, 
Wit  and  love  to  some  are  food, 

While  others  ask  plain  bread  and  butter, 
Oh  my  Nora  Creina  dear  ! 

My  gentle,  simple  Norah  Creina  ! 
While  I  bless  your  loveliness, 

I'd  wed  your  daughter  Norah  Creina  ! 

But  halt  Mr.  Hogan  with  thy  nonsensical  witti- 
cisms !  Dost  thou  not  know  that  at  this  very  date, 
a  fitting  model  for  that  Lesbia  whom  thou  endeavor- 
est  to  turn  into  ridicule,  assumes  the  most  important 
step  that  it  is  possible  for  a  woman  to  take.  Yes, 
Miss  Kitty  Traynor,  the  belle  of  Rotten  Row,  the 
little  flirt  whom  Mrs.  Daisy  endeavored  to  patronize, 
and  who  would  not  be  patronized  by  her,  the  admired 
of  many  admirers,  assumes  the  yoke  of  matrimony  ! 
And  the  person  to  whom  she  is  married  is  not  the 
gay  and  festive  Lawless,  the  dashing  white  Sergeantt 
who  is  acknowledged  by  every  one  to  be  tlie  hand- 
somest man  on  the  Island.  On  the  contrary,  thai 
very  plain,  unpretending  matter  of  fact  and  entirely 
unsophisticated  member  of  Company  "  E,"  Corporal 
Jeremiah  Sullivan  is  the  fortunate  individual ! 


PRACTICAL  ETHICS. 


I. 


The  career  of  Mrs.  Daisy  on  Governor's  Island 
had  hitherto  been  one  of  unalloyed  pleasure,  it  now 
becomes  our  duty,  as  historian  of  this  narrative,  to 
record  a  melancholy  event.  Those  bright  anticipa- 
tions of  a  visit  to  Europe,  in  which  that  lady  had 
indulged  for  some  time  past,  were  doomed  to  a  sud- 
den collapse.  In  the  first  place  it  was  ascertained 
that  the  War  Department,  at  Washington,  was  some- 
what unwilling  to  give  leaves  of  absence  to  officers 
at  that  particular  juncture.  But  even  worse  than 
this,  was  the  fact  that  Major  Daisy,  after  a  critical 
examination  of  the  situation  of  affairs,  expressed  an 
entire  unwillingness  to  enter  into  that  "  financial 
,  arrangement,"  which  his  beloved  wife  had  proposed 
with  reference  to"  the  journey,  involving  as  it  did  the 
pledge  of  his  pay  accounts  for  several  months  in  ad- 
vance, and  also  the  disbursement,  of  the  small  sum 
of  money  then  in  his  possession,  and  which  he  had 
saved  from  his  salary  as  an  officer  of  the  Army.  In 
short.  Major  Daisy  said  that  to  Europe,  under  present 
circumstances,  he  would  net  go;  and  as  the  gallnnt 
Major  was  now  and  then  sufficiently  obstinate  to  ad- 
here to  his  resolution,  when  once  taken,  his  wife 
quickly  saw  that  there  was  no  likelihood  of  moving 
him.  So  all  that  was  left  to  the  Brigadier  was  to 
accept  the  situation  with  amiable  resignation.  "As 
310 


Guy  Aver  all.  S^i 

to  that  dear  foreign  tour,"  said  she,  on  one  occasion, 
to  a  particular  friend,  "on  which  my  heart  was  set,  I 
am  willing,  perfectly  willing  to  give  it  up,  since  my 
husband,  the  best  and  dearest  man  that  ever  existed, 
thinks  it  injudicious  for  us  to  undertake  it,  under 
present  circumstances.     Of  course  it  would  be  charm- 
ing to  visit  that  beautiful  city  of  Paris,  which  all 
Americans  admire  so  much,  but  what  is  Paris  to  that 
love  which  a  true  and  faithful  wife  owes  to  her  hus- 
band!    It  is   absolutely   as  nothing  I  assure  you." 
And  then,  to  show  that  she  appreciated  worth,  and 
that  devotion  to  duty  was  sure  to  be  remembered, 
the  good  Mrs.  Daisy  was  pleased  to  tell  Guy  Averall 
that    since  he  had   been   such    a   faithful,  diligent 
orderly,  he  could  always  get  a  pass  to  visit  New 
York,  whenever  he  Hked;    while    Miss   Davis   was 
made  happy  by  receiving  a  photograph  of  her  aunt, 
in  that  pale  pink  dress,  which  she  wore  on  the  night 
of  the  chapeau  bras;  along  with  a  copy  of  a  volume 
which  the  elder  lady  had  been  examining  of  late, 
and  which  in  her  opinion  contained  a  great  deal  of 
very  useful  and  agreeable  information,  to  wit,  the 
justly  celebrated    and   erudite  Lempriere  Classical 
Dictionary. 

One  morning,  shortly  after  this  time,  a  boat  was 
seen  approaching  the  wharf  at  Governor's  Island, 
and  on  its  landing,  no  less  a  personage  than  Guy's 
old  protector,  Lieutenant  Square,  came  on  shore. 
The  advent  of  the  officer,  at  that  very  early  hour, 
for  it  was  not  yet  guardmount,  occasioned  consider- 
able comment  among  the  enlisted  men,  then  stationed 
on  the  Island.  "  I  wonder  what  is  up,  that  Square 
is  stirring  so  early  ?     Perhaps  General  Scott  has  sent 


312  Guy  Aver  all. 

him  over  to  make  an  inspection  of  the  command, 
and  report  its  general  condition."  These  surmises, 
however,  were  set  at  rest  toward  evening;  for  it  then 
became  known  that  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  had 
to  pack  up  their  effects  and  proceed  at  once  to  the 
South,  their  imniediate  destination  being  the  post  of 
Charleston,  This  change  of  quarters  was  occa- 
sioned, in  a  great  measure,  by  the  belligerent  attitude 
which  several  of  the  states  chose  to  assume,  just 
then,  on  the  question  of  slavery.  Long  before  the 
great  rebellion,  as  it  is  called,  broke  out,  there  were 
occasional  indications  of  the  tempest  that  was  brew- 
ing; and  at  this  particular  time,  the  Legislature  of 
South  Carolina  saw  fit  to  adopt  some  highly  censur- 
able resolutions  in  regard  to  the  fugitive  slave  law; 
declaring,  among  other  things,  that  if  their  property 
in  negroes  was  not  amply  protected;  it  was  the  duty 
and  the  privilege  of  that  portion  of  the  country  to 
secede  immediately  from  the  Union,  The  admission 
of  California,  as  a  state,  was  also  a  bone  of  con- 
tention at  this  time;  one  party  claiming  the  right 
that  slavery  should  be  recognized  in  its  constitution; 
and  another  denying  the  privilege.  The  growing 
dissatisfaction  which  was  thus  manifested,  received 
a  fitting  notice  from  the  then  President,  Mr.  Fill- 
more, in  his  annual  message  to  Congress.  *'  Cases 
have  arisen,"  said  he,  "  in  which  individuals  have 
denied  the  binding  authority  of  Acts  of  Congress, 
and  even  states  have  proposed*  to  nullify  said  acts, 
upon  the  ground  that  the  Constitution  was  the  su- 
preme law  of  the  land,  and  that  these  acts  of  Con- 
gress were  repugnant  to  the  instrument;  but  nullifi- 
cation was  now  aimed,  not  so  much  against  particular 


Guy  Aver  all.  313 

laws,  as  being  inconsistent  with  the  Constitution,  as 
against  the  Constitution  itself;  and  it  is  not  to  be 
disguised  that  a  spirit  exists,  and  has  been  actively 
at  work,  to  rend  asunder  this  Union,  which  is  our 
cherished  inheritance  from  our  forefathers." 

All  this  was  uttered  in  the  year  185 1,  It  was  ten 
years  from  that  time  ere  these  threateaings  assumed 
a  definite  shape,  and  the  first  gun  in  the  conflict  was 
fired.  Meanwhile,  on  receipt  of  orders  to  move,  the 
usual  scene  of  bustle  and  confusion  was  presented 
on  Governor's  Island.  Furniture  was  sold,  trunks 
were  packed,  and  adieus  were  made,  all  of  which 
being  completed,  the  Twenty -sixth  Artillery  took 
their  departure  for  the  Sunny  South,  once  more.  As 
General  Scott  desired  a  special  report  on  the  condi- 
tion of  the  country,  he  ordered  his  aide.  Lieutenant 
Square,  to  accompany  the  command,  so  as  to  obtain 
the  best  possible  information  that  could  be  furnished 
by  an  intelligent  observer  regarding  the  condition  of 
the  country  in  that  particular  State  to  which  the 
troops  were  sent.  For  some  time  Lieutenant  Square 
was  regarded  as  on  the  staff  of  the  General  in  Chief; 
but  finally  he  was  assigned  to  duty  as  Adjutant  to 
that  command  which  was  under  command  of  our  old 
and  venerated  friend,  Major  Daisy. 

IL 

The  transport  which  conveyed  the  Twenty-sixth 
Artillery  to  Charleston  was  an  exceedingly  rickety 
one,  the  space  between  decks,  allotted  to  the  enlisted 
men,  was  both  dirty  and  confined,  and  the  conven- 
iencies  for  cooking  were  anything  but  satisfactory. 
All,  however,  put  up  with  the  annoyances,  incident 


314  G^O'  Ave 7- all. 

to  such  a  situation,  in  a  truly  adtnirable  manner; 
and  even  the  pretty  Mrs.  Sullivan,  then  a  passenger, 
did  not  seem  to  complain  any  more  than  the  others. 
As  a  means  of  amusement,  the  old  custom  of  story- 
telling was  observed  on  board  in  due  form;  and 
among  others  the  Steward  Peterson,  on  one  occasion, 
saw  fit  to  favor  the  Company,  then  assembled  on  the 
forecastle,  with  his  narrative,  which  as  well  as  can 
be  recollected  ran  in  the  following  style  : 

You  must  know,  gentlemen,  said  he,  that  I 
have  had  my  little  adventures  as  well  as  others;  on 
one  occasion,  indeed,  my  zeal  for  scientific  knowledge 
'got  me  into  a  rather  serious  difficulty.  You  have 
doubtless  noticed  a  particular  skull  which  I  usually 
carry  in  that  box.  Now  thereby  hangs  a  tale,  and 
for  reasons  which  will  presently  appear,  I  can  hardly 
pay  a  visit  to  Burlington,  in  the  State  of  Vermont,  at 
least  for  the  present.  Not  but  I  like  Burlington, 
which  is  in  itself  a  very  pleasant  place,  with  a  College 
set  on  its  highest  hill,  and  a  broad  expanse  of  lake 
at  its  foot,  and  majestic  mountains  around  it  on  every 
side,  while  the  inhabitants  thereof  are  as  pleasant  a 
set  of  people  as  you  will  find  anywhere  in  New  Eng- 
land. And  yet,  as  I  remarked  before,  I  can  hardly 
hope  to  return  to  that  place  in  the  course  of  my 
natural  life,  for  while  there  I  was  so  unfortunate  as 
to  incur  the  ill  will  of  a  certain  Frenchman,  called 
Antoine,  who  has  taken  a  high  oath,  before  all  the 
saints  in  Heaven,  to  embrace  the  very  first  oppor- 
tunity that  is  offered,  to  arm  himself  with  a  loaded 
pistol  and  then  and  there  to  shoot  me. 

The  reason  of  this  state  of  affairs  may  be  told  in 
a  few  words.     As  already  hinted,  it  was  partly  owing 


Guy  Ave  rail.  315 

to  the  desire  I  had  to  secure  this  particular  skull, 
and  partly  owing  to  that  inherent  propensity  to 
blunder,  which  in  spite  of  my  best  efforts  to  the  con- 
trary, occasionally  breaks  out  as  part  of  my  nature. 

It  is  something  more  than  two  years  since  I  first 
made  my  entrance  into  Burlington,  and  then  engaged 
as  a  journeyman  printer  in  the  office  of  the  daily 
newspaper  published  in  that  place.  As  companion 
in  my  labors  I  had  a  little  fellow  from  Connecticut, 
by  the  name  of  Caffee.  Now  Caffee,  if  you  please, 
was  a  very  lively  little  cricket  in  his  way;  and  among 
his  vagaries  he  was  somewhat  desirous  of  being  a 
Doctor.  So  one  evening  he  came  to  me  with  a  propo- 
sition that  we  would  both  start  to  a  graveyard,  steal 
a  body  from  its  last  resting  place,  and  then  make  a 
fair  divide  of  our  plunder;  that  is  to  say,  that  he 
should  take  the  trunk  of  the  cadaver  as  his  proper 
proportion,  and  I  should  have  the  head. 

At  first  I  felt  horrified  at  the  proposal.  To  steal 
a  body  out  of  the  grave,  after  it  had  been  confided 
to  its  last  resting  place  by  sorrowing  friends,  was  to 
my  mind  an  act  that  was  simply  sacrilegious.  I 
presented  my  views  on  the  subject  to  Caffee,  with 
proper  force,  but  it  was  all  in  vain — the  man  only 
laughed  at  my  scruples. 

'' My  dear  fellow,"  said  he,  "what  is  this  poor 
carcass,  once  life  is  gone  ?  Nothing,  I  assure  you, 
but  a  heap  of  air  and  ashes.  The  only  possible 
use  of  the  human  body,  after  life  is  extinct,  is  to 
forward  the  cause  of  science.  Why  the  doctors, 
up  at  the  Medical  College,  on  the  top  of  the  hill,  get 
their  subjects  from  New  York,  at  the  rate  of  five 
dollars  apiece ;  and  shall  we,  who  are  every  whit  as 


3i6  Guy  Aver  all. 

desirous  of  knowledge  as  they,  shall  we,  I  say,  be 
debarred  the  same  privilege  ?  As  to  this  reluctance 
to  avail  ourselves  of  such  means  of  information  as 
are  within  our  grasp,  it  is  nothing  but  mere  senti- 
mentalism.  To  my  knowledge,  a  certain  little  carter 
in  Frenchtown  has  died  within  the  past  few  days, 
and  is  now  buried  near  the  church  of  St.  Joseph,  on 
Geoch  Street.  Let  us  go  up  to  the  cemetery  this 
very  night,  and  steal  the  body  for  dissection.  In 
case  we  are  successful  in  exhuming  the  remains,  I 
will  surrender  to  you  the  man's  head,  as  a  proper 
reward  for  your  trouble." 

"  Let  me  take  an  hour  or  two  for  reflection,'' 
said  L  "  The  head,  I'll  acknowledge,  is  a  tempta- 
tion ;  but  to  steal  a  body  out  of  the  grave  for  its 
sake,  is  an  act  of  which  I  never  have  been  guilty." 

Without  compromising  myself  any  further,  I  now 
went  down  to  my  boarding-house,  and  on  making 
inquiry  there,  I  discovered  that  the  Frenchman,  then 
defunct,  whose  name,  by  the  way,  was  Cabana,  was 
a  real  curiosity  when  alive,  in  regard  to  his  capacity 
for  eating.  Eat  did  I  say !  He  hardly  seemed 
capable  of  any  thing  else.  Sitting  on  his  little 
vehicle,  near  the  Market  house,  waiting  for  an  occa- 
sional job,  surrounded  by  a  crowd  of  eager,  gossiping 
Canadians,  he  rarely  allowed  his  jaws  to  rest  for  a 
minute.  That  trait  in  the  character  of  Cabana,  de- 
termined my  action.  I  resolved,  on  the  instant,  to 
get  possession  of  the  head,  if  it  were  only  to  examine 
his  bump  of  alimentativeness.  I  accordingly  com- 
municated my  design  to  my  associate. 

About  two  o'clock  the  next  morning  we  set  out 
on  our  expedition,  each  one  bemg  equipped  with  a 


Guy  Averall.  317 

shovel.  It  snowed  quite  heavily  at  the  time,  although 
it  was  only  the  beginning  of  November;  but  then  in 
Burlington,  it  must  be  recollected,  there  are  only  six 
months  of  winter.  The  storm  which  was  falling  did 
not  in  the  least  interrupt  our  labors ;  we  worked 
away  like  a  couple  of  railway  hands,  exhumed  the 
remains  of  poor  Cabana,  hoisted  them  over  our 
shoulders,  and  in  this  style  we  proceeded  to  a  little 
out-house,  back  of  the  Free  Press  office,  and  there 
deposited  our  treasure.  No  sooner  was  the  corpse 
laid  on  the  ground  than  Caffee,  with  a  big  carving 
knife,  cut  the  head  off  the  unfortunate  man,  and  de- 
livered it  immediately  to  me.  I  put  it  in  a  carpet- 
bag, and  carried  it  to  my  boarding-house.  But  what 
became  of  the  trunk,  which  remained,  I  never  could 
discover. 

That  portion,  however,  which  was  delivered  to 
me  was  in  itself  a  treasure  ;  for  if  I  ever  had  any 
doubt,  as  to  the  truth  of  phrenology  before,  that 
doubt  was  removed  by  an  examination  of  this  crani- 
um. As  soon  as  I  had  pickled  it  and  got  rid  of  the 
superfluous  flesh,  I  instantly  began  to  look  out  for 
that  organ  which  Spurzheim  and  Gall  have  indicated 
as  the  proper  concomitant  of  a  generous  appetite  ; 
and  let  me  assure,  in  all  honor,  gentlemen,  my  search 
did  not  end  in  disappointment.  Caution  was  full, 
philoprogenitiveness  was  large,  inhabitiveness  was 
moderate,  adhesiveness  was  fully  developed,  but 
when  you  come  to  alimentativeness  you  had  the  bump 
in  the  shape  of  a  mountain  !  And  if  any  one  should 
doubt  the  accuracy  of  what  I  say,  I  will  produce 
that  same  individual  skull,  which  I  have  ever  since 
carried  around  with  me,  and  then  let  him  dispute,  if 
he  will,  the  virtues  of  cranological  science. 


3i8  Guy  Ave  rail. 

But  meanwhile,  without  being  conscious  of  it,  a 
difficulty  arose.  The  dead  Cabana  had  a  brother 
called  Antoine,  who  owned  a  lot  of  ground  in  the 
cemetery  where  the  defunct  carter  had  been  deposit- 
ed, and  on  going  up  to  look  at  it  one  day,  he  acci- 
dently  stumbled  against  something  in  the  snow,  which 
Ion  examination,  proved  to  be  nothing  either  more 
lor  less  than  the  head  dress  of  his  brother  Lewis,  that 
by  some  extraordinary  mistake  had  been  dropped  by 
Caffee  and  me,  when  on  our  way  homeward  as  res- 
urrectionists. Soon  the  news  spread  far  and  wide 
over  Burlington,  that  a  certain  vestment  belonging  to 
the  defunct  Frenchman  had  been  discovered.  Some 
said  one  thing,  and  some  said  another  by  way  of 
explanation,  and  finally  Antoine,  a  strictly  religious 
man,  thought  it  better  to  make  the  case  known  to  his 
priest.  He  found  the  good  cure  walking  backward 
and  forward,  in  his  hallway,  reading  his  breviary, 
and  taking  off  his  hat  in  the  most  reverential  manner 
possible,  Antoine  opened  his  case.  The  father 
heard  him  patiently,  and  after  all  was  over,  he  quietly 
replied  :  "  Soyez  tranquille,  soyez  tranquille  mon  fils, 
voire  frere  est  parmiles  saints — he  is  in  paradise,  and 
that  head  dress  was  left  as  a  token  that  all  is  well — 
restez  content,  restez  content,  la  chose  est  un  vrai 
miracle,"  And  then  he  recited  some  instances  of 
extraordinary  signs  which  had  happened  in  recent 
times,  and  which  certainly  went  to  show  that  the  age 
of  special  manifestations  was  not  yet  past.  As  soon 
as  I  understood  that  the  good  father  had  pronounced 
the  finding  of  the  head  cloth  an  indication  of  the  will 
of  heaven,  I  was  delivered  from  a  sore  tribulation  ;  for 
I  knew  but  too  well  that  if  my  share  in  the  mailer 


Guy  Averall.  319 

were  discovered,  I  certainly  would  be  subjected  to 
some  serious  consequences.  So  I  again  resumed  my 
work  in  the  printing  office,  and  was  only  too  glad  to 
have  escaped  the  danger  with  so  little  apparent  dif- 
ficulty. 

But  I  had  not  as  yet  escaped,  as  I  found  to  my 
cost.  The  pertinacious  Antoine  kept  running  back- 
wards and  forwards  among  the  inhabitants  of  French- 
town,  exhibiting  the  head  dress  wherever  he  went,  as 
proof  positive  that  his  brother  was  now  in  glory,  and 
lauding  the  extraordinary  gift  which  had  been 
vouchsafed  on  the  occasion.  But  eventually  he  en- 
countered another  Frenchman,  called  Chauvin,  who 
having  travelled  a  good  deal  of  late,  as  a  tin  peddler 
in  northern  Vermont,  had,  as  a  consequence,  lost 
something  of  his  faith  in  extraordinary  events.  *'  Le 
diable  !  betise !  "  exclaimed  he  "  that  article  was 
never  sent  to  you  in  that  way.  I'll  tell  you  the  mir- 
acle that  has  happened.  Some  person,  not  a  loup 
garou  either,  has  violated  your  brother's  g'-ave  and 
has  dropped  that  head  dress  when  going  away  from 
it.  Go,  get  a  spade,  and  examine  the  grave  at  once, 
and  I'll  venture  to  say  you'll  discover  nothing  in  the 
place  but  an  empty  coffin."  As  soon  as  I  heard  of 
that  speech,  I  began  to  bundle  up  my  effects,  for  I 
did  not  know  what  might  be  the  next  step  in  the  ad- 
venture. 

.  Before  night  set  in,  down  came  Antoine,  with  a 
pistol  in  his  hand,  swearing  Hke  a  trooper.  He  had 
been  to  the  grave,  had  discovered  that  the  body  of 
his  brother  was  gone,   and  what  was  still  worse,  he 

suspected  that  d d  phrenologist,  as  he  called  me, 

of  making  off  with  the  plunder.     I  met  the  fellow  in 
21 


320  Guy  Averall. 

the  street  and  asked  him  why  in  the  world  he  should 
leave  the  charge  on  me  ?  " 

"  You  !  ventre  bleu  !  "  was  the  response.  "  be- 
cause you  are  always  going  round  with  your  box  of 
old  skulls,  exhibiting  them  as  such  strange  objects, 
and  offering  to  feel  the  head  of  any  person  you  meet 
for  the  sum  of  twenty-five  cents.  Who  else  but  you 
could  have  robbed  the  grave,  and  if  I  were  only  sure 
of  the  thing" — here  the  rascal  flourished  a  pistol  in 
my  face — "I'd  blow  out  your  confounded  brains, 
before  you  are  many  minutes  older." 

I  endeavored  to  pacify  the  mad  Frenchman,  as 
best  I  could,  but  he  still  kept  twirling  his  pistol 
round  and  round,  and  on  one  occasion  I  really 
thought  he  was  going  to  shoot  me.  On  returning  to  my 
lodging  that  evening,  I  opened  the  case  to  Caffee, 
and  told  him  candidly  that  he  really  had  been  the 
means  of  leading  me  into  a  very  embarassing  situation. 

"I'll  acknowledge  it,"  said  he,  "  there  is  how- 
ever one  consolation  in  the  matter,  we  typo's  are  by 
nature  a  wandering  race,  and  one  town  is  about  as 
much  a  home  to  us  as  another.  As  the  thing  now 
rests,  I  am  fortunately  not  suspected,  so  in  order  to 
make  the  best  amends  possible,  I  will  make  a  tender 
of  my  purse,  so  as  to  afford  you  a  fitting  equipment 
for  your  travels.  Here  it  is,  you  will  find  twenty- 
five  dollars  in  it — that  sum,  I  am  sure,  will  serve  to 
keep  you  going  till  you  get  employment  somewhere 
else.  And  in  case  you  ever  attempt  to  rob  a  grave 
again,  let  me  give  you  a  word  of  advice.  In  the  first 
place,  be  careful  about  leaving  any  tracks  in  the 
snow  ;  and  secondly  don't  be  too  anxious  to  estab- 
lish your  reputation  as  a  scientific  expert." 


Guy  Aver  all.  321 

I  took  the  purse  from  the  fellow  in  the  spirit  in 
which  it  was  offered,  started  from  Burlington  that 
very  night,  stopped  in  Troy,  where  I  worked  a  few 
days,  and  at  the  end  of  a  weeks  time,  I  found  myself 
in  the  city  of  Newark,  and  there  I  enlisted. 

III. 

The  indulgent  reader  who  has  followed  us  so  pa- 
tiently in  the  course  of. this  narrative  may  possibly 
object  that  Guy  Averall,  Avho  is  dubbed  a  hero,  does 
not  exhibit  any  very  adventurous  spirit  after  all ; 
and  that  he  should  initiate,  as  far  as  possible,  the 
example  set  by  his  countryman,  Con  Cregan,  even 
so  far  as  to  make  love  to  Spanish  beauties,  go  to  Al- 
giers and  become  a  general,  and  finally  sip  tea  in  the 
Tuileries  in  company  with  the  Princess  of  Verneuil. 
But  Averall  and  Cregan  it  must  be  remembered  are 
two  very  different  personages;  for  while  the  one  rushes 
into  the  most  perilous  undertakings,  the  other  adheres 
conscientiously  to  the  most  common-place  facts.  Still 
Guy,  we  maintain,  is  a  hero  in  spite  of  all  that ;  his 
bravery  being  shown  by  the  willingness  with  which 
he  accepts  the  situation  in  which  he  is  placed,  and 
endeavors,  so  far  as  possible,  to  discharge  his  duties 
in  a  creditable  way.  He  does  not  grumble  unneces- 
sarily, he  does  not  tell  long  stories  about  that  vener- 
able aunt  of  his  who  might  accomplish  all  sorts  of 
things  for  him,  his  ragamuffin  father  is  never  men- 
tioned, he  knows  he  is  a  private  soldier,  in  the 
American  Army,  nothing  more,  and' as  a  private  sol- 
dier he  is  determined  to  perform  his  duty.  His 
spirit  is  further  evinced  by  the  care  with  which  he 
chooses  his  associates.     Whatever  is  good  around 


32  2  Guy  Aver  all. 

him  he  accepts,  the  muck-rake,  on  the  other  hand, 
he  carefully  avoids,  his  companions  are  the  very  best 
his  company  contains,  and  by  conversing  with  them 
occasionally  his  understanding  is  improved,  his  ob- 
servations of  right  and  wrong  become  more  accu- 
rate, and  he  gradually  becomes  conscious  of  what 
are  his  duties,  his  privileges,  and  his  opportunities 
as  a  man  and  a  citizen. 

During  the  voyage  to  Charleston,  Guy  Averall 
held  a  conversation  with  his  old  friend  Moldwell  on 
the  subject  of  liberty,  which  conversation  deserves  a 
short  notice  in  this  place,  not  only  on  account  of  its 
connection  with  subsequent  events,  but  also  because 
of  the  sentiments  therein  contained.  At  several 
times,  during  his  period  of  service,  our  friend  had 
heard  that  divinity  lauded  in  the  most  exalted  terms, 
by  certain  members  of  his  barrack  room  acquaintance; 
he  hardly  knew,  however,  what  value  was  to  be 
attached  to  these  encomiums;  for  in  the  first  place, 
V  he  was  occasionally  inclined  to  distrust  the  judg- 
ment of  those  who  were  loudest  in  liberty's  praise; 
and  again,  he  now  and  then  had  occasion  to  notice, 
that  persons  who  are  strong  supporters  of  freedom 
as  a  sentimental  illusion,  are  often  the  very  ones  to 
show  themselves  to  be  the  most  arbitrary  and  tyran- 
nical, once  they  are  invested  with  supreme  power. 
There  were  Ryan  and  Lawless,  for  instance,  who 
could  hardly  be  considered  patterns  of  correctness ; 
and  whose  faults  in  certain  directions,  we  have  rather 
hinted  at,  than  attempted,  with  anything  approach- 
ing accuracy,  to  sketch.  And  yet  these  men  were 
always  talking  about  "  freedom  and  independence," 
just  as  if  these  were  the  most  exalted  of  virtues. 


Gjty  Ave  mil.  323 

The  question  which  now  presented  itself  was  simply 
this,  could  men,  like  Lawless  and  Ryan,  be  intrusted 
with  supreme  power  in  any  condition  of  life,  regard 
being  paid  to  the  welfare  of  those  by  whom  they  are 
surrounded  ? 

"  My  dear  sir,"  said  Moldwell  in  reply  to  the 
inquiries  of  Guy,  "  the  subject  you  have  broached 
is  one  that  admits  of  a  very  lengthened  discussion, 
Liberty  may  be  a  good,  or  it  may  be  a  very  bad 
thing,  just  as  it  is  entrusted  to  those  who  are  capable 
of  using  it,  or  are  not  so  qualified.  As  to  personal 
liberty,  there  are  certain  obligations  due  to  the  state 
which  protects  us;  and  after  these  are  discharged, 
enlightened  opinion  would  say  that  every  person  has 
a  right  to  act  as  he  pleases,  provided  that  in  so 
doing,  he  inflicts  no  harm  on  any  other  member  of 
the  community.  As  soon,  however,  as  he  does  this, 
his  liberty  must  be  restrained.  We  cannot  allow 
thieves  and  murderers  to  go  at  large;  we  are  obliged 
to  confine  and  even  to  punish  them,  as  a  protection 
to  the  rest  of  our  associates.  The  first  restriction 
then  on  personal  liberty  is  this,  that  injurious  acts 
cannot  be  permitted,  and  that  those  who  commit 
them,  do  so  at  their  peril." 

"What  is  your  notion  of  political  liberty,  may  I 
ask  ?"  said  Guy. 

"  Political  liberty  is  a  good  thing,  in  itself,  when 
admissable,"  responded  Moldwell,  "  although  at  the 
same  time,  it  is  somewhat  difficult  to  define  its  exact 
limit.  It  is  not  of  necessity  the  first  thing  that  a 
state  need  attain,  indeed  in  some  countries,  such  as 
Hindoostan,  its  existence  is  clearly  impossible,  while 
in  other  places,  such  as  the  United  States,  we  have 


324  Guy  Ave  rail. 

political  liberty  in  an  almost  unlimited  degree.  But 
of  one  thing  we  may  be  certain,  these  institutions, 
on  which  political  liberty  depends,  and  without 
which  its  existence  is  but  temporary,  are  in  them- 
selves things  of  slow  growth,  and  cannot  be  created 
in  a  day.  It  is  in  this  sense  that  Burke's  observation 
holds  good,  that  constitutions  grow  and  are  not 
made.  Our  own  Constitution  was  not  formed  in  the 
year  1787,  but  had  been  growing  for  centuries.  Its 
foundation  was  laid  in  those  laws  which  were  brought 
from  the  mother  country,  in  the  right  of  trial  by 
jury,  in  the  equality  of  all  classes  before  the  law, 
and  in  unwillingness  to  submit  to  taxation  without 
representation.  The  American  Constitution,  in 
short,  is  but  the  embodiment  of  principles  that  have 
existed  from  time  immemorial  among  English  speak- 
ing people.  So  it  is  with  the  British  Constitution, 
which  is  not  a  written  article  at  all,  but  a  collection 
of  usages  that  have  been  in  process  of  formation, 
from  the  time  that  the  first  parliament  was  sum- 
moned in  the  thirteenth  century.  On  the  other  hand 
we  sometimes  express  surprise  at  the  want  of  order 
in  the  so-called  South  American  Republic.  The 
true  explanation  of  this  condition  of  things  is  the 
simple  fact  that  the  Spaniards  never  allowed  free 
institutions  in  their  colonies  ;  and  as  yet  such  coun- 
tries as  Mexico  and  Ecuador  have  been  unable  to 
create  them." 

"  What  do  you  think  of  the  progress  of  liberty  in 
France,"  said  Guy.  *'  They  had  a  Republic  there  a 
few  years  ago,  and  now,  it  appears,  they  have  an 
Empire." 

"  No  country,"  was  the  reply,  *'  could  furnish  a 


Guy  Aver  all.  325 

more  appropriate  illustration  of  the  principles  just 
laid  down.  'Tis  true,  the  general  tendency  of  the 
present  age  is  towards  freedom;  and  yet,  at  the  same 
time,  it  must  be  remembered  that  in  France,  free 
institutions,  as  we  understand  them,  have  had  only 
as  yet  a  limited  existence.  As  a  natural  consequence 
they  cannot  be  established  at  once  in  full,  by  the 
mere  fiat  of  a  new  government,  even  should  that 
government  be  a  Republic.  The  well  known  writer, 
De  Tocqueville,  has  taken  the  trouble  to  explain  that 
France  has  always  been  a  centralized  government, 
and  has  so  continued  under  successive  changes.  He 
shows  that  under  the  ancient  regime,  for  instance,  a 
road  could  not  be  constructed,  a  bridge  built,  or  a 
clerk  appointed  in  a  petty  office  without  sanction 
from  the  central  authority  in  Paris,  and  the  result 
has  been  that  Paris  has  continued  to  rule  the  nation 
ever  since.  The  same  remark  applies  to  other 
countries  on  the  continent  of  Europe.  Constitutions 
and  liberal  forms  of  government  were  established  in 
several  of  them  in  the  year  1848,  but  we  all  know 
how  many  of  these  so  called  republics  now  exist.  One 
thing  we  should  never  forget,  that  truth  and  honor 
and  respect  for  the  rights  of  others,  are  essential 
requisites  in  those  who  would  derive  any  benefit  from 
the  operations  of  independence.  To  be  free  men 
must  be  moral.  In  short  I  would  say  that  the  steps 
from  servitude  to  absolute  equality  with  a  governing 
class,  is  a  sheer  impossibility,  and  those  who  look  for 
the  sudden  regeneration  of  States,  by  a  mere  change 
in  the  form  of  government,  are  doomed  eventually 
to  be  most  bitterly  disappointed. 


326  Guy  Averall.^ 


IV. 


That  portion  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  of 
which  Guy  Averall  was  a  member,  remained  but  a 
short  time  in  Charleston,  for  almost  immediately 
after  its  arrival,  Companies  "E"  and  "I"  of  the 
Regiment  were  ordered  to  take  post  at  a  place  know 
as  Camp  Scott,  some  forty  or  fifty  miles  northeast  of 
Charleston,  near  the  mouth  of  the  Santee  River. 
Some  four  or  five  years  previous,  when  a  somewhat 
similar  trouble  was  brewing,  the  place  had  been  se- 
lected as  a  station  for  United  States  troops;  and  on 
the  arrival  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  at  their  new 
halting  place,  it  Avas  discovered  that  the  so  called 
'*  camp,"  consisted  of  a  series  of  low,  one-story 
houses,  facing  the  river,  and  a  town  of  some  five  or 
six  hundred  inhabitants  back  of  it.  The  country  in 
the  neighborhood,  like  that  found  everywhere  along 
the  Southern  coast  of  the  United  States,  Avas  ex- 
tremely sandy;  with  the  eternal  pitch  pine  as  the 
principal  feature  in  the  landscape.  Guy  Averall  and 
his  comrades  soon  put  their  quarters  in  proper 
order,  and  after  the  lapse  of  a  week  or  thereabouts, 
the  good  and  amiable  Mrs.  Daisy  was  gratified  by 
receiving  the  customary  calls  from  the  three  or  four 
heads  of  families  who  constituted  the  "  real //i/^  " 
of  the  place.  Of  course,  Mrs.  Daisy  was  delighted 
to  see  them  ;  and  after  the  usual  preliminaries,  in 
the  way  of  conversation,  were  disposed  of,  the  gal- 
lant Brigadier  gave  vent  to  those  feelings  which  were 
ever  uppermost  in  her  mind.  "  Had  it  not  been  for 
circumstances,  untoward  .  in  themselves,  but  over 
which    she  had    no   control,    she  intended   residing 


Guy  AveralL  327 

abroad  that  very  summer  ;  her  husband,  one  of  the 
best  and  dearest  men  in  existence;  was  to  accom- 
pany her,  and  in  addition,  an  officer  of  the  Regi- 
ment, Lieutenant  Square,  and  his  excellent  wife, 
were  to  be  of  the  party."  And  then  in  a  half  casual, 
half  braggadocio  way  it  was  mentioned  that  the  said 
Square  "was  one  of  the  most  worthy  and  accom- 
plished subalterns  in  the  service,  while  the  lady  he 
was  on  the  point  of  marrying  was  a  woman  with 
every  charm  that  could  possibly  be  named,  and  as 
good  and  beautiful,  as  she  was  polite  and  fasci- 
nating." Of  course,  the  three  or  four  persons  who 
constituted  the  true  and  leading  aristocracy  of 
Jonesville,  were  fully  impressed  with  the  importance 
of  everything  that  Mrs.  Daisy  said,  and  wondered 
how  a  lady  of  such  parts  and  prospects  as  she  evi- 
dently was,  should  at  the  same  time  be  so  extremely 
gracious  and  condescending. 

Meanwhile  it  must  be  noted  that  Miss  Davis  had 
to  attend,  as  usual,  to  most  of  the  drudgery  around 
the  house.  She  saw  that  the  packing  boxes  belong- 
ing to  her  uncle's  equipment  were  opened,  the  car- 
pets put  down,  and  the  few  pictures  belonging  to 
the  household  were  properly  hung,  and  when  young 
Hector  made  himself  sick,  by  eating  too  much  cake, 
she  had  all  the  watching  and  waiting  to  do,  which 
that  amiable  youngster  required.  She  would  have 
attended  to  all  these  tasks  nevertheless  in  a  cheerful 
spirit,  if  her  aunt  had  only  been  wilhng  to  render 
her  common  justice;  but  in  spite  of  her  gifts  and 
fine  phrases,  Mrs.  Daisy,  as  has  already  been  hinted, 
was  not  a  particularly  kind  woman,  and  as  a  neces- 
sary consequence  Miss  Eleanor  had  often  to  suffer. 


328  Guy  Aver  all. 

Guy  Averall  was  already  pretty  well  acquainted  with 
the  whims  of  the  Brigadier,  and  was  prepared  to  be- 
lieve almost  anything  in  regard  to  her  ;  but  one  day, 
about  this  time,  a  little  incident  occured  within  the 
sphere  of  our  hero's  own  observation,  and  which 
from  the  spirit  of  wilful  misrepresentation  which  it 
exhibited,  almost  caused  that  young  Artilleryman  to 
hate  Mrs.  Daisy.  During  the  forenoon.  Miss  Eleanor 
had  been  busy  arranging  the  furniture  in  the  draw- 
ing room,  and  having  completed  her  task,  she  for  a 
moment  stepped  out  on  the  piazza  in  front  of  the 
quarters.  Now  on  the  piazza  there  happened  to  be 
lying  a  piece  of  rope,  which  had  been  used  in  bund- 
ling some  of  the  household  effects.  "  Averall,"  said 
Miss  Eleanor,  in  her  quality  of  manager  of  the  estab- 
lishment, "  I  wish  you  to  put  that  rope  in  the  store 
house,  and  here  is  a  book  that  you  may  have,  which 
will  probably  interest  you."  Guy  opened  the  vol- 
ume, as  soon  as  his  task  was  completed,  and  dis- 
covered it  to  be  a  copy  of  Sir  Walter  Scott's  novel  of 
Rob  Roy,  a  work  which  has  afforded  pleasure  to 
many  persons  both  young  and  old. 

"  I  think  I  shall  read  this  book  with  a  great  deal 
of  interest,"  said  Guy,  *'  I  always  have  admired  these 
old  Scotch  stories,  there  is  so  much  romance  and 
adventure  about  them." 

"  And  I  admire  them  too,"  responded  Miss  Davis, 
*'  and  like  Sir  AV alter  especially — his  sentiment  is 
always  the  correct  one  on  the  subject  of  which  he 
writes,  and  that  to  me  is  one  of  his  strongest  recom- 
mendations." 

Guy  assented,  of  course,  to  this  observation,  and 
at  the  same  time  could  not  help  reflecting  once  more, 


Guy  Aver  all  329 

how  much  better  the  Brigadier  would  appear,  if  she 
could  only  learn  to  talk  in  the  sensible  way  adopted 
by  Miss  Eleanor,  instead  of  bragging  eternally  about 
her  Twenty-fifth  Avenue,  and  other  great  relations 
But  just  at  this  instant,   Mr.  Spruce  was  observed 
coming  up  the  sidewalk.      ''Miss  Davis,"  said  he 
'Sve   are  getting  up  a  little  party  to  visit   the  old 
wreck  at  Porter's  Point-several  of  the  young  ladies 
in  town  are  going-wont  you   do  us  the  honor  to 
accompany  us?"      Without  thinking  much  on   the 
matter,  Miss  Davis  asked  when  the  party  mtended 
to  start,  and  then  gave  her  consent  to  become  a 
member.     But  hardly  had  the  officer  taken  his  de- 
parture when  Mrs.  Daisy  saw  fit  to  institute  a  series 
of  inquiries  as  to  the  object  of  his  visit,  and  when 
informed    of   the  true   state  of  the  case,  and  that 
Blodgett  and  Taper  would  possibly  both  be  members, 
that  excellent  lady  proceeded  to  administer  a  most 
unmerciful    lecture,    telling   Miss    Eleanor,    among 
other  things,  how  that  poor  child  Hector  must  be 
ne-lected  every  time  her  "  assistant  "  took  it  into  her 
head    to    thrust   herself  before    gentlemen!       Miss 
Eleanor  endeavored  to  reply  as  well  as  she  could, 
but  the  other  lady  would  do  nothing  but  sermonize 
on   the  "  proprieties  of  life,"  just  as  if  Miss  Davis 
had  been  guilty  of  some  terrible  enormity  m  accept- 
ing the  invitation.     And  when  Miss  Davis  after  list- 
enln-  to  this  long  harangue  went  once  more  into  her 
own  room,  and  began  thinking  of  all  she  had  done 
for  her  aunt,  how  she  furnished  her  with  the  French, 
and  botany  and  astronomy  and  everything  else,  that 
was  necessary  to  spread  before  company;  howshe 
watched  over  Mrs.  Daisy's  household,  just   as  if  it 


330  Guy  Averall. 

were  her  own ;  and,  in  addition,  took  care  of  that 
greedy  young  boy  night  and  day  ;  how  she  had  done 
everything  for  her  aunt  that  it  was  possible  for  one 
woman  to  do  for  another;  and  then  to  be  abused  and 
misunderstood  as  she  had  been  during  that  after- 
noon, it  really  seemed  more  than  she  could  bear. 
And  yet  before  long  her  own  good  sense  came  to  the 
rescue.  "  Yes,"  said  she,  "  my  aunt  can  censure  and 
misrepresent  as  she  likes,  but  my  own  heart  tells  me 
I  have  endeavored  to  do  what  is  right.  And  as  long 
as  I  think  so,  it  would  ill  become  me  to  indulge  in 
pitiful  complaints.  No  one,  not  even  uncle,  shall 
ever  know  but  I  am  treated  both  kindly  and  justly 
under  this  roof.  And  in  spite  of  all  that  the  so  called 
wise  may  say  to  the  contrary,  I  fully  believe  in  a  good 
Providence,  who  will  reward  me  sooner  or  later, 
according  to  my  deserts." 


From  these  little  incidents  in  the  domestic  affairs 
of  Mrs.  Daisy  to  the  career  of  Private  Petersen,  is 
both  an  easy  and' natural  transition;  sufifice  it  to  say 
ill  the  connection  that  at  tliis  period  the  easy  going, 
good  natured  steward  drove  quite  a  flourishing  trade 
by  examining  the  crania  of  such  residents  of  Jones- 
ville,  as  chose  to  present  themselves  for  an  inspec- 
tion. Seated  on  a  chair,  in  the  dispensary,  some 
long,  lank  native  of  the  place  might  be  seen,  while 
over  him  stood  the  "  Doctor,"  as  he  was  sometimes 
called,  who  with  his  fingers  in  his  skull,  in  the  posi- 
tion of  a  barber,  was  delivering  a  paneg>'ric  in  some- 
thing approaching  the  following  style  : 

"  Head  well  formed,  sir,  size  twenty-two  inches, 


Guy  Ave  rail.  331 

temperment  somewhat  bilious.  In  your  case  we 
have  amativeness  fully  developed.  You  are  fond  of 
domestic  life,  would  make  a  good  husband,  are 
naturally  inclined  to  be  affectionate  to  a  wife;  and 
if  now  a  single  man  you  certainly  should  marry." 

"  Is  that  so  ?"  would  be  the  probable  question  at 
this  juncture. 

"  By  all  means — I  should  certainly  advise  you  to 
marry.  The  next  organ  we  have  is  philo-progeni- 
tiveness,  or  the  love  of  offspring.  In  this  case,  also, 
the  bump  is  quite  full.  You  are  naturally  fond  of 
the  young,  and  have  much  sympathy  with  infantile 
weakness.  As  the  head  of  a  family,  you  would  be 
an  admirable  man,  since  we  find  in  your  case  all 
the  organs  necessary  to  constitute  a  good  husband 
and  father." 

"How  would  I  do  as  an  astronomer.?"  would 
probably  be  the  next  inquiry. 

"Astronomer!  let  me  see.  You  have  individu- 
ality, form,  size,  number,  order  and  comparison  all 
large.  Why,  sir,  let  me  tell  you,  you  would  make  an 
excellent  astronomer;  all  that  would  be  necessary  is 
a  little  practice  in  the  science,  and  a  supply  of  the 
proper  instruments."  And  on  receiving  this  assur- 
ance, the  latent  star-gazer  would  pay  his  fee  of 
twenty-five  cents  very  readily,  and  only  hoped  that 
the  time  was  not  far  distant  when  he  would  develop 
into  an  Airy  or  Herschel.  It  was  evident  that 
Petersen,  spite  of  his  simplicity,  had  read  the  story 
of  Gil  Bias  and  the  Bishop  of  Oveida. 

Whatever  were  the  faults  and  failings  of  these 
"  crackers  "  in  the  piney  districts  of  the  South,  and 
they  have  been  charged  with  poverty,  shiftlessness, 


332  Guy  Aver  all. 

ignorance,  and  fifty  other  things  beside,  they  cer- 
tainly were  by  nature  anything  but  aggressive;  and 
it  was  only  by  the  continual  urging  and  suggestions 
of  the  rascally  politicians  on  the  subject  of  slavery, 
that  the  poor  whites  in  the  South  were  forced  into 
the  position  of  hostility  to  the  United  States  govern- 
ment, which  they  eventually  assumed.  Indeed,  the 
Twenty-sixth  Artillery  had  not  been  quartered  at 
Camp  Scott  more  than  a  fortnight,  when  evidence 
was  afforded  of  the  dangerous  character  of  these 
political  demagogues,  whose  leading  principle  of 
action  seems  to  be  to  intensify  whatever  discontent 
may  happen  to  be  ctirrent  at  the  moment,  for  the 
sake  of  advancing  their  own  interests.  Right  or 
wrong  it  makes  no  difference;  all  is  grist  that  can  be 
ground  in  their  mill;  the  great  end  of  the  orthodox 
"statesman"  is  to  make  himself  "popular,"  and 
provided  this  can  be  accomplished  the  ultimate  con- 
sequences of  his  harangue,  are  to  him  a  subject  of 
very  little  consideration.  On  the  present  occasion, 
the  Circuit  Court  happened  to  be  in  session;  and  the 
country  people  f6r  miles  around  flocked  into  Jones- 
ville.  That  evening  a  political  meeting  was  held  in 
the  public  square,  and  some  furious  resolutions  were 
passed,  denouncing  several  of  the  Northern  states  in 
regard  to  alleged  violations  of  the  fugitive  slave  law. 
A  light-haired,  curly-headed  little  upstart,  originally 
from  Pennsylvania,  was  on  the  platform;  and  in  his 
own  glib  way,  was  urging  his  "  fellow  citizens  of 
Jonesville,"  to  resent  the  affront  put  on  them,  by 
every  means  in  their  power;  and  if  necessary  to  pass 
an  ordinance  of  secession,  declaring  their  state  free 
and  independent,  and  the  federal  compact  broken  ! 


Guy  Avcrall.  2>2>'S 

This  harangvie  had  proceeded  some  length,  when 
suddenly  a  voice  was  heard  in  the  crowd. 

*'  It  will  be  a  grave  mistake  if  that  ordinance  of 
secession  be  passed,"  said  the  unknown  stranger. 

"  Why  so,  may  I  ask  ?"  rejoined  the  orator. 

"  It  will  be  the  death  blow  of  that  very  institu- 
tion you  seek  to  preserve,"  was  the  reply. 

"  It  will  be  the  beginning  of  a  new  and  glorious 
era  for  the  South,"  remarked  the  Orator. 

"We  will  see,"  said  the  interlocutor  from  be- 
neath. 

"We  will  see  also,"  said  the  speaker  from  above. 

And  thus  the  controversy  ended.  Who  the  per- 
son was  that  uttered  this  protest  against  the  Orator, 
no  one  could  tell;  nor  did  any  one  in  the  crowd  sus- 
pect that  it  was  spoken  by  an  officer  belonging  to 
the  garrison,  who  certainly  was  neither  Mr.  Spruce 
nor  Taper,  nor  yet  the  gallant  Major  Daisy. 

VI. 

It  now  becomes  our  duty,  as  historian  of  this 
record,  to  relate  an  event  of  a  sufficiently  calamitous 
nature,  an  event  well  remembered  by  all  officers  and 
men  who  served  in  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  at  this 
time;  and  which  may  serve  to  illustrate  the  diabolical 
passions  by  which  persons  who  pretend  to  be  human 
are  occasionally  influenced.  For  some  time  back  it 
had  become  evident  that  bad  blood  existed  between 
two  of  the  non-commissioned  officers  of  Company 
"E";  for  Sergeant  Lawless,  on  the  one  hand,  and 
Corporal  Sullivan  on  the  other,  were  constantly  com- 
plaining and  wrangling  with  each  other.  First  one 
would  run   with  a  certain  statement  to  Major  Daisy, 


334  Guy  Aver  all. 

and  then  the  other,  so  that  it  was  impossible  to  de- 
cide between  the  rival  contestants.  The  origin  of 
the  quarrel  was  involved  in  obscurity,  although  this 
much  appeared  evident,  that  at  one  time  Lawless 
did  all  in  his  power  to  belittle  Sullivan,  both  before  . 
his  commanding  officer  and  also  in  the  eyes  of  the 
men  of  the  Company.  It  had  already  been  hinted 
that  the  education  of  Sullivan  was  somewhat  limited; 
so  Lawless  took  advantage  of  this  circumstance, 
and  on  every  possible  occasion,  ordered  the  Corporal 
on  some  duty  where  this  defect  would  appear  in  as 
glaring  a  manner  as  possible.  And  then,  if  any 
error  was  committed,  the  unfortunate  Sullivan  was 
pretty  certain  to  hear  of  it.  One  trick,  much  prac- 
ticed by  Lawless  at  this  time,  was  to  send  Sullivan 
to  draw  rations;  and  on  his  return  to  cross-question 
him  as  to  how  many  pounds  of  pork  or  rice  he  got 
at  the  commissary,  and  when  the  other  could  not 
give  him  the  correct  answer,  to  make  some  sneering 
rejoinder  regarding  the  qualification  of  such  a  per- 
son for  the  grade  of  Corporal.  At  length  it  seemed 
as  though  Sullivan  had  determined  not  to  be  put 
down  in  that  way;  for  he  went  into  Jonesville,  pur- 
chased a  few  books,  and  then,  under  the  guidance  of 
his  wife,  he  proceeded  to  study  the  principles  of 
numerical  calculation.  As  soon  as  Lawless  noticed 
this,  he  immediately  changed  his  tactics  in  regard  to 
the  Corporal;  for  now  instead  of  finding  fault  with 
him,  on  account  of  his  want  of  knowledge,  he  chose 
to  make  fun  of  Sullivan  for  his  studious  habits. 
"There  is  Corporal  Sullivan,  if  you  please;  studies 
reading,  writing  and  the  rule  of  three;  is  resolved  to 
be  a  professor  in  a  college,  or  something  of  the  sort 


Guy  Ave  rail.  335 

one  of  these  days,  I  suppose."  Sullivan  stood  this 
banter  without  saying  a  word,  he  knew  very  well 
that  Lawless  had  the  advantage  in  regard  to  rank, 
and  that  it  would  not  serve  any  good  purpose  to 
crack  jokes  with  him.  He  therefore  paid  no  atten- 
tion to  these  witticisms  on  the  part  of  his  superior, 
but  simply  did  his  duty  as  he  was  bid,  and  on  one  or 
two  occasions,  when  he  thought  he  was  somewhat 
imposed  on,  he  lodged  a  complaint  with  the  com- 
mandant, who  in  spite  of  his  habitual  indolence, 
really  endeavored  to  render  him  some  justice.  At 
length  an  unexpected  advantage  was  thrown  in  Sul- 
livan's way.  One  night  it  so  happened  that  he  was 
acting  as  Sergeant  of  the  guard;  when  Lawless, 
having  sold  a  half  barrel  of  pork,  belonging  to  the 
Company,  sat  down  with  a  few  friends,  so  as  to  enjoy 
a  sociable  game  of  cards.  They  gambled  away  till 
tattoo;  when  having  answered  their  names,  they 
again  returned  to  the  room,  and  putting  up  a  blanket 
in  the  window,  so  as  to  conceal  the  light,  they  all  sat 
down  in  order  to  continue  their  operations.  Some- 
time during  the  night.  Lieutenant  Square,  who  was 
acting  as  officer  of  the  day,  visited  the  guard,  and 
then  and  there  called  Sullivan  aside.  "  Corporal," 
said  he,  "  I  think  there  is  a  candle  burning  in  the 
quarters  of  Company  "  E."  It  is  your  duty  as  non- 
commissioned officer,  in  charge  of  the  guard,  to  see 
that  it  is  extinguished.  I  wish  you  to  go  over  at 
once,  order  the  light  out,  and  then  report  to  me." 
According  to  directions  Sullivan  started  to  the 
quarters,  and  there,  around  a  blanket,  spread 
on  the  floor,  he  discovered  both  Lawless  and 
Ryan,  with  three    or  four    other  gentlemen  of  like 


5:^6  Guy  Averall. 

stamp,  all    engaged  in  the  innocent  amusement  of 
"poker." 

And  here  it  is  necessary  that  an  explanation 
should  be  made.  Lawless  was  undoubtedly  a  very 
unprincipled  man,  and  anything  rather  than  a  fit 
person  for  the  position  he  held  in  a  Company,  yet  in 
spite  of  these  drawbacks,  he  had  some  qualities 
which  made  him  a  favorite  with  a  certain  proportion 
of  the  men  under  him.  Every  scoundrel,  unless  he 
is  an  arrant  coward,  is  sure  to  have  his  followers, 
who  look  up  to  him,  applaud  his  bad  deeds,  and  are 
ready  to  follow  him,  as  far  as  their  capacity  will  per- 
mit The  present  case  was  no  exception  to  the  rule, 
as  to  the  reason  of  the  preference  extended  towards 
the  non-commissioned  officer,  it  is  not  difficult  to 
explain  its  origin.  In  the  first  place.  Lawless  was 
not  very  exacting  in  the  way  of  duty;  in  the  second 
place,  he  was  liberal  with  every  thing  that  he  had, 
no  matter  whether  he  stole  it  or  not;  in  the  third 
place,  he  was  a  great  "patriot,"  and  that,  we  are 
sure,  is  the  sum  of  all  excellencies.  With  tliese 
recommendations  in  his  favor,  the  man  could  not  go 
amiss,  for  there  were  certainly  a  half  dozen  persons 
in  the  Company,  more  or  less,  who  thought  Lawless 
the  ne  plus  ulh-a  of  all  that  was  excellent,  and  who 
were  ready  to  follow  him,  through  thick  and  thin,  on 
every  possible  occasion.  In  point  of  fact,  it  so  hap- 
pened that  these  Avorthies  had  established  a  code  of 
honor  of  their  own,  in  the  Company;  it  was  not  con- 
sidered wrong  for  Lawless  to  cheat,  to  bully,  or  to 
squander  the  earnings  of  others;  but  to  utter  a 
single  word  in  disparagement  of  him,  or  to  peach  on 
him  to  the  authorities,  Avas  regarded  as  simply  infa- 


Guy  Aver  all.  337 

mous.  When  Sullivan,  therefore,  put  his  head  into 
the  room  where  I>a\vless  was  seated,  the  simple 
injunction  was  given:  "Tell  the  officer  of  the  day 
that  everything  is  quiet,  and  that  you  did  not  see 
anyone  here."  And  strange  as  it  may  seem,  the 
first  Sergeant  of  Company  "  E  "  of  the  Twenty-sixth 
Artillery,  really  expected  that  this  command  should 
be  obeyed  to  the  letter. 

Sullivan,  however,  was  in  no  mood  to  do  as 
directed.  He  had  already  suffered  enough  from  his 
superior  to  prevent  him  seeking  to  palliate  his  faults; 
and  beside  this,  he  considered  it  his  duty,  at  all 
events,  to  tell  the  truth  when  questioned  on  a  sub- 
ject, such  as  the  present.  On  reporting  to  Lieuten- 
ant Square,  he  informed  him  of  what  he  had  seen. 
As  a  consequence  charges  were  preferred  against 
Lawless  and  his  friends,  the  following  day;  but 
owing  to  the  listlessness  or  indifference  of  Major 
Daisy,  these  charges  were  never  prosecuted,  and  the 
offenders  in  the  affair  were  finally  allowed  to  go  scot 
free,  with  a  mere  reprimand. 

A  few  evenings  after  this  encounter,  a  group  of 
soldiers  were  sitting  in  front  of  their  quarters  at  Camp 
Scott.  Some  were  smoking  their  pipes  ;  some  were 
speculating  on  their  future  plans,  once  their  enlist- 
ment had  expired  ;  and  others,  again,  were  engaged 
in  the  customary  occupation  of  story  telling.  Among 
these  latter  was  Corporal  Sullivan,  who  having  just 
fought  his  way  through  some  profound  calculation 
in  mathematics,  thought  it  only  proper  and  right  to 
amuse  those  present  with  that  old  recital  about  Hud- 
den  and  Dudden  and  Donald  O'Leary;  which,  we 
need  hardly  say,  was  given  with  much  gusto.     Just 


338  Gity  Ave  rail. 

as  the  non-commissioned  officer  had  concluded  his 
tale,  some  one  from  behind  him,  slung  a  brickbat 
with  murderous  intent  ;  for  the  missile,  after  touch- 
ing the  cap  of  the  Corporal,  struck  the  ground  a  few 
yards  behind  him,  and  hopped  into  the  middle  of  the 
parade,  In  an  instant  Sullivan  turned  round,  and 
noticing  a  group  of  soldiers,  standing  at  some  dis- 
tance behind  him,  he  immediately  spoke  up. 

"Well,"  said  he,"  I  did  not  know  that  I  had 
given  any  occasion  for  this,  but  whoever  has  slung 
that  brickbat  at  me  had  better  step  up  to  the  front, 
and  perhaps  he  Avill  find  before  long,  that  I  am  not 
afraid  to  settle  with  the  gentleman." 

And  with  these  words  the  Corporal  left  his  seat* 
and  proceeded  a  few  paces  in  the  direction  of  the 
suspected  aggressors.  But  just  at  that  instant  the 
tattoo  sounded,  and  all  the  members  of  Company 
**  E,"  the  Corporal  himself  included,  fell  into  the 
ranks,  and  answered  their  names  in  the  customary 
manner.  And  after  the  ranks  were  broken,  Guy 
Averall,  and  most  of  the  other  soldiers  proceeded 
quietly  to  their  b'eds. 

VII. 
Next  morning  it  was  reported  everywhere 
throughout  the  garrison  that  Corporal  Sullivan  had 
deserted,  and  as  a  necessary  consequence,  the  good 
Mrs.  Daisy  saw  fit  to  exhibit  a  very  high  state  of 
indignation.  "Can  it  be  possible,"  said  she,  "that 
the  dear  child  who  has  just  wedded  his  wife,  should 
without  provocation  leave  her  in  this  undutiful  man- 
ner ?  I  pity  Katy  Traynor,  I  really  pity  her  from 
the  bottom  of  my  heart,  but  then  the  poor  girl  was 


Guy  Averall.  339 

determined  to  have  her  way,  and  now,  as  a  conse- 
quence, she  must  suffer.  Had  she  married  some 
intelligent,  well-conducted  soldier,  according  to  my 
advice,  he  would  have  protected  and  shielded  her  as 
long  as  she  lived,  instead  of  deserting  her  as  that 
child  Sullivan  had  done.  For  my  part,  I  only  wish 
I  were  rid  of  the  Army  in  general,  and  of  Camp 
Scott  in  particular,  for  ever  since  we  came  here  I 
have  been  subjected  to  all  sorts  of  annoyances.  First 
it  is  one  thing,  and  then  it  is  another,  so  really,  I 
think,  the  sooner  Tom  and  I  make  preparations  for 
leaving  the  Army,  so  much  the  better.  But  then  the 
misfortune  is,  that  neither  my  husband  or  I  have 
means  sufficient  to  enable  us  to  do  so,  and  therefore 
we  must  stick  to  the  service  as  best  we  can."  And 
with  this  most  lame  and  impotent  conclusion  the 
speech  of  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy  terminated. 

Meanwhile  the  first  Sergeant  of  the  Company 
went  round,  collected  the  equipments  of  the  absent 
non-commissioned  officer,  and  turned  them  into  the 
store  room,  as  the  property  of  a  deserter.  When! 
asked  if  he  could  offer  any  explanation  why  Sullivan! 
had  left  his  command  so  abruptly.  Sergeant  Lawless 
shook  his  head,  and  said  he  did  not  know;  but  Ryan, 
who  seemed  to  take  some  interest  in  the  case,  saw 
proper  to  observe  that  in  his  opinion  the  cause  was 
simply — jealousy — that  Sullivan  had  taken  offence  at 
some  little  attention  shown  his  wife  by  the  first  Ser- 
geant, and  remembering  that  the  latter,  at  one  time, 
had  been  a  suitor  for  the  hand  of  Miss  Kitty  Tray- 
nor,  he  chose  to  terminate  the  matter  somewhat 
abruptly  by  taking  ''  French  leave."  But  all  the  men 
of  the  Company  thought  the  story,  thus  told,  to  be 


34°  Guy  Aver  all. 

a  very  improbable  one,  for  Sullivan,  as  far  as  was 
known,  had  never  any  occasion  to  quarrel  with  his 
wife,  who  was  simply  as  faithful  and  devoted  a 
creature,  as  any  woman  could  possibly  be,  and  seemed 
fully  resolved  ever  since  her  marriage  to  belie  those 
stories,  in  regard  to  her  being  nothing  but  a  mere 
flirt,  which  at  one  time  had  been  circulated  against 
her. 

At  a  late  hour  in  the  day,  as  Guy  Averall,  Ilogan 
and  a  number  of  other  men,  were  standing  in  their 
quarters,  it  was  noticed  that  Ryan,  on  a  sudden, 
entered  the  room  and  went  directly  to  his  knapsack. 
From  it  he  took  out  some  article  of  clothing,  a  shirt 
apparently,  held  it  up  for  a  second  or  two,  asked  the 
question  "  will  not  some  one  give-  me  six  cents  for 
this."  And  before  any  answer  could  be  returned,  he 
threw  the  article  into  the  fire.  He  immediately  after- 
wards left  the  room,  but  hardly  had  he  gone  when 
Hogan  gave  a  start. 

"  Did  you  see  that  fellow  burn  that  shirt?"  was 
his  remark. 

"  I  did,"  was  the  answer  from  several. 

"And  I  noticed  blood  on  it,"  said  Guy. 

**  Well,  depend  on  it,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  there 
is  more  in  that  simple  act  than  appears  upon  the  sur- 
face. That  fellow  would  never  destroy  his  clothing 
unless  there  were  some  cause  for  it.  I'll  venture  my 
life  that  this  story  of  Sullivan's  desertion  is  all 
fudge.  The  man  has  been  foully  dealt  with,  and  the 
principal  object  with  these  two  rascals,  who  are  now 
non-commissioned  officers,  is  to  gain  time  so  that  this 
affair  may  blow  over.  Do  you  recollect  that  brick- 
bat which  was  fired  at  the  Corporal  last  night  ?     It 


Guy  Averall.  341 

certainly  was  done  with  some  evil  intent.  I'll  go  this 
very  instant  to  Major  Daisy  and  give  him  my  impres- 
sion of  the  entire  transaction." 

This  resolution  on  the  part  of  Hogan  was  in- 
stantly approved  by  every  one  in  the  room  ;  so  in  a 
second  the  clerk  put  on  his  jacket,  and  after  but- 
toning it  up,  away  he  started  to  the  quarters  of  the 
commanding  officer.  After  ringing  at  the  hall  door, 
in  the  usual  manner,  a  servant  directed  him  to  re- 
main, and  before  many  seconds  in  came  Major 
Daisy,  with  a  slipper  on  one  foot,  and  a  shoe  down 
in  the  heel  on  tlie  other,  rubbing  his  nose  as  was 
usually  his  habit. 

"  Well  Hogan  what  do  you  want }  "  was  the 
fatherly  inquiry  on  the  part  of  the  old  veteran.  The 
bard  related  his  story  in  as  few  words  as  possible, 
and  dwelt  particularly  on  the  fact  that  Ryan  had 
destroyed  an  article  of  clothing,  without  apparent 
cause,  that  morning,  and  that  blood  had  been 
observed  on  it. 

"  Veil,  what  if  he  did  destroy  his  clothing  ?  "  was 
the  reply.  "  Any  good  soldier  may  destroy  his 
clothing  if  he  pleases.  That's  nothing  pad.  Ryan 
was  always  a  goot  man,  when  he  worked  with  me, 
and  that  is  the  reason  I  made  him  Corporal.  Pad 
soldiers  get  trunk  and  goot  soldiers  do  not.  Ryan 
never  got  trunk  and  so  he  is  a  ^ood  soldier.  How- 
ever if  you  choose  you  can  zee  Lieutenant  Spruce 
on  the  subject.  I  am  not  well  to-day,  and  at  any 
rate  he  is  in  command  of  the  Company." 

And  with  this  recommendation  ringing  in  his 
ear,  away  went  Hogan  to  see  that  officer. 

On  reaching  the  quarters  of  Lieutenant  Spruce, 


342  Guy  Aver  all. 

the  clerk  again  opened  his  case  but  without  much 
success.  Of  course  Lieutenant  Spruce  would  not 
habor  a  suspicion  against  such  a  gentlemanly  person 
as  Ryan  appeared  to  be.  "  Sergeant  Lawless  has 
been  here  already  this  morning,"  was  the  rejoinder, 
"  and  has  reported  the  facts  in  the  case.  If  I  under- 
stand the  matter  rightly  Corporal  Sullivan  had  a 
quarrel  with  his  wife,  a  few  days  ago,  and  had 
already  made  preparations  for  leaving  the  Company. 
However,  I'll  attend  to  the  thing."  And  really  and 
truly  Lieutenant  Spruce  did  attend  to  the  matter  in 
an  admirable  way  ;  for  having  just  received  a  letter 
from  that  "  fine  girl  "  of  his,  on  whom  his  heart  was 
set,  he  turned  the  whole  investigation  over  to  his 
friend  Taper,  sat  down  to  read  his  billet  doux,  and 
thus  for  the  present  the  entire  thing  was  neglected. 

Disappointed  in  his  endeavors,  Hogan  now 
thought  of  returning  to  his  quarters,  when  fortu- 
nutely  he  met  the  Adjutant,  Lieutenant  Square,  on 
the  sidewalk.  Again  the  old  story  was  rehearsed, 
that  Sullivan's  absence  had  something  mysterious  in 
it,  that  instead  of  'quarreling  with  his  wife,  as  Law- 
less alledged,  it  was  well  known  that  both  had  lived 
very  happily  together,  that  a  brickbat  had  been  flung 
at  Sullivan,  the  previous  evening,  as  if  for  the  pur- 
pose of  provoking  a  quarrel,  that  Ryan's  demeanor  on 
the  whole,  was  suspicious  ;  and  his  general  character 
among  the  men  was  not  good. 

"  Very  v/ell,"  said  the  other,  ''  I'll  speak  to  the 
commanding  officer  on  the  subject.  I  shall  probably 
obtain  authority  to  get  a  squad  of  men,  and  with 
them  I  intend  to  examine  the  neighborhood  and  see 
if  any  traces  of  Sullivan  are  visible." 


City  Averall.  343 

While  Hogan  was  employed  in  this  way,  Guy 
Averall  was  not  permitted  to  remain  in  quiet,  for 
some  person,  probably  a  confederate,  chose  to  go  to 
Sergeant  Ryan  and  inform  him  that  the  bard  had 
already  paid  a  visit  to  the  quarters  of  the  command- 
ing officer,  and  that  Averall,  in  addition,  had  urged 
his  comrade  to  do  so.  The  occasion  being  one  of 
importance,  it  was  deemed  advisable,  on  the  part  of 
Ryan,  to  try  what  a  little  bluster  would  do,  and  Guy 
was  accordingly  selected  as  a  proper  subject  of  attack. 

"  Well,  parlez  vous,"  said  the  Sergeant  as  he  swag- 
gered into  the  quarters.  "  How  do  you  feel  this 
morning?"  The  non-commissioned  officer  could 
sneer  at  Averall's  attempts  to  study  French,  if  he 
could  do  nothing  else. 

"  I  am  quite  well,"  said  Guy,  at  least  as  well  as 
could  be  expected  under  existing  circumstances." 

**  Well,  as  could  be  expected  under  existing  cir- 
cumstances," said  Ryan,  repeating  Averall's  words. 
"  Parlez  vous,  I  understand  you  have  been  quite 
busy  this  morning." 

"  In  what  way  ?"  asked  Averall. 

"  In  rubbing  your  musket,  in  whitening  your 
belts,  and  in  other  affairs  beside." 

"Well,"  said  Guy,  "I'm  sure  it  is  the  duty  of  a 
soldier  to  keep  his  gun  and  equipments  cleaned,  and 
as  to  the  other  affairs  of  which  you  speak,  I  really  do 
not  know  exactly  what  you  mean." 

"  What  story  was  that  you  told  to  Hogan,  before 
he  started  to  the  quarters  of  Major  Daisy?" 

"  I  told  him,"  said  Guy,  "  that  the  shirt  which 
you  offered  for  six  cents  in  this  room,  and  afterwards 
burned,  had  blood  on  it,  and  I  now  repeat  the  same 
story." 


344  G^y  Ave  rail. 

"Blood  on  it!"  again  repeated  Ryan,  "how  do 
you  know  that  there  was  blood  on  it?" 

"Because  I  saw  it  with  my  own  two  eyes,"  said 
Guy. 

"  Might  not  your  eyes  deceive  you  ?"  asked 
Ryan, 

"  Not  in  such  a  case  as  that,"  was  the  answer. 

"  What  business  have  you  with  me  or  my  shirt ! 
Cannot  you  mind  your  own  business  !  Is  not  that 
enough  for  you !" 

"  Sergeant  Ryan,"  answered  Averall,  "  I  did  not 
thrust  my  head  into  a  corner  to  spy  into  your  effects. 
You  took  that  shirt  of  yours,  and  burned  it  in  the 
presence  of  several  men  in  the  squad  room.  I  was  a 
witness  of  the  fact,  and  have  an  undoubted  right  to 
mention  the  circumstance  to  any  one  that  I  choose, 
and  also  to  draw  my  own  inference  from  the  same." 

"  What  is  your  inference  ?"  asked  Ryan. 

"  That  I  am  not  bound  to  tell,"  was  the  answer 
on  the  part  of  Averall,"  for  it  might  possibly  happen 
that  my  inference  is  wrong,  and  then  I  would  be 
doing  an  act  of*  injustice  both  to  you  and  also  to 
myself." 

"You  are  a  great  raisoner,  parlez  vous,"  said  the 
non-commissioned  officer,  "  but  do  you  know  what, 
I  think  a  good  slap  in  the  face,  at  this  instant,  would 
suit  you  as  well  as  anything  else."  And  at  this 
juncture  Ryan  assumed  an  attitude,  as  if  he  intended 
to  inflict  bodily  chastisement  on  Guy  Averall. 

The  latter,  however,  understood  the  situation  of 
affairs  too  well  to  be  bullied.  It  was  not  an  object 
with  Ryan,  at  present,  to  provoke  a  quarrel  with 
Averall,  since  such  a  course  would  be  simply  adding 


Guy  Ave  rail.  345 

fire  to  the  flames  already  in  existence.  His  purpose 
was  merely  to  frighten  Guy  with  silence  in  regard  to 
the  burning  of  the  clothing  that  morning  ;  and  pro- 
vided this  end  were  accomplished,  it  was  not  his 
intention  to  strike  a  single  blow.  But  the  sympathies 
of  Averall  were  already  enlisted  on  the  side  of  right 
and  justice  ;  and  as  to  Ryan,  he  was  determined  not 
to  give  him  any  advantage. 

"  Sergeant,"  said  he,  "  there  is  no  use  in  talking 
any  further  on  this  matter.     A  member  of  the  Com- 
pany is  now  absent,  and  some  of  us  are  determined 
to  find  out  where  he  has  gone,  your  bluster  there- 
fore, is  of  no  avail,  especially  as  I  have  now  been 
,  long  enough  in  the  service  to  understand  the  differ- 
ence between  an  official  and  a  purely  personal  matter. 
As  to  the  first,  you  are  a  Sergeant  in  this  Company, 
and  as  such  I  will  obey  you.     But  when  you  attempt 
to  provoke  a  quarrel,  in  the  way  you  now  do,  I  will 
give  you  to  understand  you  are  no  better  than  any 
other  man.      Of  course  you  are  stronger  and  bigger 
than  I,  and  in  an  affair  of  fisticuffs  would  doubtless 
have  the  advantage.      But  I,  on  the  other  hand,  do 
not  choose  to  submit  to  such  an  appeal  as  that.     If  ■ 
you   strike  me  you  do  it  at  your  peril.      There  is 
my  musket  and  bayonet  now  standing  in  the  gun  rack. 
At  present  they  are  injuring  no  one.     But  if  I  am 
hit  the  case  will  be  very  different.      I  will  then  use 
them  on  you,  just  as  I  would  on  the  meanest  private 
in  the  Company." 

As  soon  as  Ryan  felt  satisfied  that  Averall  could 
neither  be  frightened  or  cajoled,  he  instantly  changed 
his  demeanor.  A  smile  spread  over  his  brutal  counte- 
nance, for  he  now  wished  to  ingratiate  himself  as  far 


346  Guy  Aver  all. 

as  possible.  It  was  better  that  Averall,  under  present 
circumstances  should  remain  at  least  passive,  than 
that  he  should  become  an  avowed  enemy.  The 
sneering  allusion  to  Guy's  studies  was  accordingly 
dropped,  and  in  its  place  was  substituted  a  reference 
to  the  supposed  locality  of  his  birth. 

"You  are  a  brave  fellow  after  all,"  was  the  excla- 
mation of  the  non-commissioned  officer,  "well  done 
for  the  Enniskillener,  well  done  for  the  Enniskill- 
ener !  " 

VIII. 

As  far  as  the  plan  proposed  by  Lieutenant  Square 
was  concerned,  the  good  Major  Daisy  at  first  seemed 
disposed  to  throw  obstacles  in  the  way,  "  I  should 
like  to  obtain  a  detail,  Major,  to  go  into  the  woods," 
said  the  Adjutant  while  addressing  his  superior.  "  It 
has  been  reported  to  me  that  an  attempt  was  made 
last  night  to  pick  a  quarrel  with  Corporal  Sullivan, 
now  absent,  and  although  nothing  definite  in  regard 
to  the  matter  is  known,  I  should  like  to  ascertain  if 
any  traces  of  him  can  be  discovered  in  the  neigh- 
borhood. 

"  I  have  already  heard  of  this  case  of  Corporal 
Sullivan,  and  have  turned  over  the  affair  to  his  Com- 
pany commander.  Lieutenant  Spruce  has  the  mat- 
ter in  charge." 

"But  Lieutenant  Spruce,  as  I  understand  the 
case,  does  not  chose  to  exert  himself  in  it.  He  has 
turned  the  whole  thing  over  to  Lieutenant  Taper." 

"  Very  well,  I  have  done  with  it.  I  have  done 
with  it.  I  have  given  the  necessary  orders,  and  the 
responsibility  no  longer  rests  on  me." 

"  Major  Daisy,  permit  me  to  say,"  was  the  answer, 


Guy  Aver  all  347 

"  that  as  long  as  a  transaction  of  this  kind  remains 
in  doubt,  you  cannot  get  rid  of  the  responsibility.  I 
have  already  been  balked  in  an  official  matter,  at 
this  post ;  but  am  determined  not  to  be  turned  aside 
in  this.  As  the  case  stands,  a  member  of  the  com- 
mand has  disappeared  in  a  way  that  no  one  can 
sufficiently  explain.  Now,  allow  me  to  say,  that  an 
affair  of  this  kind  is  of  too  much  importance  to  be 
hushed  up.  You  may  refuse  me  a  detail  of  men  if 
you  choose,  but  be  assured  of  this,  if  the  circum- 
stances are  brought  to  the  notice  of  the  proper 
authorities,  and  I  am  asked  for  any  opinion  in  respect 
to  it,  that  opinion  will  be  given  without  regard  to 
the  rank  or  position  of  any  one  in  this  command. 
Now  you  can  act  as  you  choose  in  the  matter." 

These  words,  which  were  uttered  in  a  pretty  de- 
termined tone,  soon  brought  the  gallant  Major  to 
terms.  "Well,  well,  I  will  give  you  the  detail— I 
will  give  you  the  detail.  Mrs.  Daisy  will  have  to  let 
her  work  go.  Averall,  go  and  tell  the  acting  Ser- 
geant Major  to  send  a  party  of  eight  men  to  report 
to  the  Adjutant." 

In  less  than  an  hour  from  that  time  the  squad  just 
mentioned  was  called  out,  and  leaving  Camp  Scott, 
they  took  the  road  which  led  to  Hammerton  Court 
House-.  After  proceeding  for  some  distance  a  couple 
of  negroes  were  met,  and  to  these  Lieutenant  Square 
proposed  a  few  questions,  as  to  whether  any  soldier 
had  been  seen  going  that  way  ?  According  to  the 
answer  then  given  by  the  **  darkies,"  they  had  not 
noticed  any  enlisted  man  leaving  camp.  The  next 
person  addressed  was  the  toll  keeper  of  the  bridge 
over  the  Santee  River;  but  he,   in  like  manner,  was 


34^  Guy  Ave  rail. 

certain  no  soldier  had  passed  in  that  direction.  The 
conclusion  then  was,  even  in  spite  of  the  smiles  and 
assertions  of  Lawless,  that  if  Sullivan  had  really  de- 
serted, he  certainly  had  not  taken  the  road  to  the 
upper  country.  On  the  way  back  the  party  went 
into  some  of  the  houses  occupied  by  the  "  crackers," 
the  name  applied  to  the  poor  Avhites  in  the  South. 
These  edifices  were  constructed  of  round,  unhewn 
logs,  and  covered  with  clapboards;  the  chinks  be- 
tween the  logs  that  formed  the  walls,  being  large 
enough  for  a  dog  to  jump  through,  and  a  doorway, 
that  in  one  case,  was  covered  with  a  dirty  old  qailt, 
in  default  of  the  proper  appendage.  Spite  of  all 
that  is  said  of  social  progress  in  the  new  world,  the 
whole  appearance  of  the  buildings  did  not  indicate 
a  very  exalted  civilization.  On  making  inquiry  of 
the  inmates,  the  same  answer  was  always  returned — 
they  had  not  seen  any  soldier  going  that  way,  nor 
did  they  believe  any  had  left  for  the  other  side  of 
the  river.  At  length  one  of  the  residents  suggested 
that  perhaps  the  missing  man  might  have  sought  the 
road  to  Hammerton,  by  a  certain  cross-cut  which  led 
towards  a  little  stream  that  empties  into  the  Santee, 
and  which  is  known  by  the  name  of  John's  creek. 
In  this  direction  the  squad  accordingly  went,  and 
soon  met  a  couple  of  whites,  who  seemed  to  be  out 
on  a  hunting  expedition,  for  they  both  carried  rifles 
on  their  shoulders.  To  them,  in  like  manner,  the 
usual  question  was  put,  but  neither  of  them  seemed 
to  know  anything  of  a  deserter.  And  then  one  of 
the  men  spoke  up.  "  If  it  is  a  dead  soldier  you  are 
looking  for,  I  reckon  I  know  whar  you'll  find  one, 
for  I  saw  a  man  in  uniform,    all  haggled  and  cut, 


Guy  AveralL  349 

lying  in  a  heap  of  brush,  near  the  creek  this  very- 
morning."  The  nonchalant  manner  in  which  these 
words  were  uttered,  seemed  to  indicate  that  a  dead 
man  or  two  was  a  thing  of  very  little  consequence  in 
that  part  of  South  Carolina;  on  being  requested, 
however,  to  do  so,  the  stranger  accompanied  the 
party  in  the  direction  of  Camp  Scott.  In  doing  so, 
it  was  noticed  he  kept  pretty  close  to  the  creek,  and 
when  within  a  quarter  of  a  mile  or  thereabouts  of 
the  barracks,  he  went  into  the  brush,  which  lined 
the  edge  of  the  stream.  There,  sorrowful  to  relate, 
the  dead  body  of  poor  Sullivan  was  discovered,  cut 
and  mangled  in  the  most  frightful  manner.  On  his 
face  were  several  gashes,  his  breast  was  stabbed  in 
four  or  five  places,  some  of  his  fingers  were  almost 
severed  from  his  hand,  while  his  legs  and  arms  all 
presented  evidence  of  the  violence  he  hadjsuffered. 
At  this  instant  a  feeling  of  horror  was  visible  in  the 
face  of  every  one  present,  but  after  it  had  subsided 
to  some  extent,  the  body  was  brought  back,  placed 
in  the  Hospital,  and  after  a  little  investigation,  all 
the  circumstances  connected  with  the  case  were  de- 
veloped. From  the  testimony  of  several  of  the  men 
it  appeared,  that  after  tattoo,  on  the  previous  even- 
ing, Sullivan  saw  fit  to  accuse  Ryan  of  throwing  the 
brickbat  at  him,  a  fact  which  the  other  did  not  choose 
to  deny,  and  after  a  short  parley,  it  was  determined 
that  they  should  both  go  into  the  woods,  and  ascer- 
tain which  of  the  two  were  the  better  man.  It  was 
also  shown  that  Lawless  consented  to  act  as  umpire 
between  the  contestants  ;  and  further,  that  a  couple 
of  knives  were  purchased  at  the  sutler's  establishment 
belonging  to  the  place,  these  being  the  weapons  with 


35°  Guy  Aver  all. 

which  the  fight  was  conducted.  What  took  place 
after  this  it  was  impossible  to  tell,  as  Ryan  and  Law- 
less when  separately  questioned,  told  different  stor'es 
from  each  other,  and  there  was  no  reason  to  believe 
that  either  of  them  was  strictly  true.  This  much, 
however,  was  evident,  that  while  Sullivan  was  cut  and 
mangled  in  a  manner  that  was  fearful,  neither  one  of 
the  other  members  of  the  party  received  any  injury,  a 
'  state  of  things  which  justified  the  suspicion  that  Law- 
less and  Ryan,  after  exciting  the  anger  of  the  Corporal, 
by  an  unprovoked  attack,  got  him  into  the  woods, 
and  when  within  their  power,  they  fell  on  him  and 
butchered  him.  Both  of  these  worthies,  as  was  well 
known,  had  some  cause  for  disliking  Sullivan  ;  and 
now,  as  a  consequence,  the  poor  fellow  has  met  his 
untimely  fate.  On  the  whole,  the  officer  in  com- 
mand of  the  garrison,  had  no  other  alternative  but  to 
place  Lawless  and  Ryan  in  close  confinement ;  and 
after  an  inquest  was  held  on  Sullivan's  body,  to  turn 
them  over,  for  further  prosecution,  to  the  civil  au- 
thority. 

On  examining  the  knapsacks  oi  the  prisoners  after 
their  arrest,  a  number  of  interesting  relics  were  dis- 
covered, which  served  to  show  that  both  of  the  non- 
commissioned officers  were  men  of  a  sufficiently 
lively  nature;  for  in  that  belonging  to  Lawless  were 
found  a  number  of  ladies'  favors  of  various  kinds, 
kid  gloves,  billets  doux  and  so  forth;  some  of 
which,  by  the  way,  had  about  them  a  certain  strange 
look  of  suspicion.  Mixed  with  these  gifts,  per  contra, 
was  a  very  well  considered  plan  for  the  invasion  of 
Ireland,  duly  elaborated,  in  which  it  was  stated  that 
a  column  of  well-armed  men,  proceeding  from  the 


Guy  Aver  all.  351 

Cove  of  Cork  might  advance  north,  and  then  be 
joined  by  another  column  coming  from  the  west, 
that  these  united  bodies  might  then  proceed  in  the 
direction  of  the  Capital,  and  when  within  a  shorty 
distance  of  the  hill  of  Tara  might  there  defeat  the 
EngHsh  and  then  proclaim  liberty  to  the  Hibernian 
people.  The  other  knapsack,  which  was  the  prop- 
erty of  Ryan,  was  still  more  curious,  for  in  it  was 
found  a  humorous  description  of  the  celebrated 
Puck,  of  national  fame,  whose  business  it  was  to  de- 
molish Patrician  landlords,  from  behind  a  hedge,  at 
the  rate  of  five  pound  sterling  a  head,  provided  he 
got  in  addition  a  sufficient  supply  of  aqua  vitse  to 
sustain  his  faltering  courage  to  the  trigger  stretch. 
And  then  followed  a  number  of  signs,  passwords, 
and  grips,  evidently  belonging  to  a  Molly  Maguire, 
or  other  secret  society.  "  Are  you  straight  ?"  "  I 
am."  "  How  straight .?"  "As  straight  as  a  rush."  *'  For 
what  do  you  fight?"  "For  liberty."  "Gracious 
heaven  !"  exclaimed  Hogan,  after  he  had  examined 
this  somewhat  strange  catechism,  "liberty  forsooth! 
Are  we  to  hear  of  nothing  but  liberty  !  Or  rather, 
what  has  liberty  in  common  with  such  lively  gentle- 
men as  these."  The  existence  of  this  paper  served 
to  explain  a  curious  paradox  which  had  appeared  for 
some  time  back,  to  wit,  that  every  now  and  then  a 
murderous  attack  was  made  on  some  member  of  the 
Company,  in  the  dark,  usually  with  a  sling  shot  or 
some  such  instrument,  and  that  the  perpetrators  of 
these  deeds  could  never  be  discovered.  Was  it  pos- 
sible, that  these  non-commissioned  officers,  whom  the 
good  Mrs.  Daisy  seemed  to  estimate  so  highly,  were 
after  all  nothing  but  "a  couple  of  vile  Thugs;  and 
23 


352  Guy  Aver  all. 

that  a  whole  Company  had  to  submit  to  the  whims 
and  caprices  of  such  a  pair  of  rascals  ? 

But  the  most  pitiful  sight  of  all  was  presented 
after  the  remains  of  the  unfortunate  Corporal  was 
laid  in  the  Hospital.  His  wife  appeared,  threw  her- 
self on  the  corpse,  and  in  phrases  which  it  would  be 
impossible  to  translate,  lamented  the  fate  of  her 
husband.  "  I  know,"  said  she,  "  how  this  has  all 
happened.  1  always  told  him  to  beware  of  Lawless, 
but  the  poor  fellow  had  a  spirit  that  could  not  brook 
an  insult;  and  so  he  died  the  victim  of  his  crafty, 
treacherous  enemy."  And  then  referring  to  her  efforts 
as  a  school  teacher  she  would  say,  "  up  in  his  own 
room  is  the  copy  book,  on  which  he  wrote  his  last 
line,  and  the  slate  on  which  he  did  his  last  sum,  for 
after  he  was  made  Corporal  he  always  wished  to  be  a 
scholar,  and  I  was  willing  to  assist  him,  as  far  as  I 
possibly  could;  but  now  he  is  gone — he  is  gone — 
and  I  never  henceforth  will  whisper  a  word  in  his 
ear,  or  see,  even  for  a  moment  the  light  of  his  eyes." 

And  then,  when  she  began  thinking  on  her  hard 
fate,  it  almost  seemed  as  if  the  heart  of  the  unfortu- 
nate woman  would  break.  She  cried,  and  cried,  till 
she  could  hardly  contain  herself.  But  where  is  the 
use  in  repining — in  all  these  matters  there  is  but  one 
course.  The  body  of  Corporal  Sullivan  was  con- 
signed to  the  dust  from  whence  it  was  taken,  and 
after  a  little  delay,  his  wife  bid  adieu  to  the  scene  of 
these  disasters.  A  subscription  was  opened  to  re- 
lieve her  immediate  necessities,  to  which  both  officers 
and  men  freely  contributed,  and  with  the  sum,  raised 
in  this  way,  she  obtained  the  means  of  defraying  her 
expenses  to  the  north. 


SUBSEQUENT  PROCEEDINGS. 

i  I- 

The  events  already  narrated,  disastrous  though 
they  were,  had  one  good  effect  ;  they  delivered  the 
well-disposed  men  of  Company  "  E  '!  from  an  odious 
tyranny  to  which,  for  a  long  time,  they  had  been 
subjected.  The  disgrace  of  Lawless  and  Ryan  de- 
stroyed the  power  of  a  dangerous  clique,  and  sub- 
stituted a  better  class  of  men  in  power.  No  longer 
were  there  any  offensive  demands  for  the  money  of 
this  or  that  person,  under  color  of  a  loan,  said  loan 
to  be  afterwards  repaid  or  not,  just  as  the  borrower 
might  choose  ;  and  if  forsooth  the  money  were  de- 
manded back  again  at  pay  day,  the  applicant  was 
instantly  set  down  as  a  mean  spirited,  penurious, 
low  fellow  ;  insensible  alike  to  the  claims  of  gener- 
osity, and  the  code  of  honor  of  a  soldier.  A  visit  to 
Camp  Scott  was  made  about  this  time  by  old  Gen- 
eral Fuzzy ;  and  it  was  arranged,  among  other  things, 
that  the  command  of  Company  '*  E,"  should  be  en- 
trusted to  Lieutenant  Square,  Major  Daisy  being 
meanwhile  left  in  charge  of  the  garrison.  As  to 
Taper,  he  was  detailed  on  duty  as  instructor  in  the 
science  of  ethics  at  the  Military  Academy,  and  the 
gay  and  handsome  Spruce  was  made  Adjutant.  The 
affairs  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  were  now  regu- 
lated on  military  principles.  By  a  singular  piece  of 
good  fortune,  the  Scotchman,  Moldwell,  was  selected 
353 


354  Guy  Aver  all 

as  first  Sergeant ;  and  under  his  guardianship  the 
smallest  private  in  the  Company  was  treated  as  if  he 
had  the  same  natural  right  as  the  biggest,  instead  of 
being  subjected  to  the  whims  and  caprices  of  the 
latter.  As  to  Hogan,  he  was  too  irregular  and  care- 
less in  his  habits  to  be  entrusted  with  a  military 
command,  but  having  pledged  his  honor,  as  a  gen- 
tleman, not  to  get  drunk  more  than  three  or  four 
times  in  the  course  of  a  year,  he  finally  was  assigned 
to  the  charge  of  the  commissary.  Here  the  bard  had 
ample  opportunities  to  exhibit  his  knowledge  of  the 
value  of  beans,  as  part  of  the  soldiers'  fare  ;  and  ere 
long  the  command  was  convinced  that  the  various 
proportions  of  that  vegetable,  along  with  the  other 
constituents  of  the  soldiers'  ration  in  America,  pork, 
beef,  flour,  rice,  coffee,  sugar,  vinegar,  candles,  soap 
and  salt,  were  all  as  familiar  to  Private  Hogan,  as 
were  certain  knotty  points  in  scholastic  divinity ;  or 
the  sayings,  translations  and  imitations  of  his  whim- 
sical countryman,  Father  Prout.  In  short,  in  his 
management  of  the  Company,  Lieutenant  Square 
seemed  to  act  on  the  principle  that  all  the  virtues  of 
the  organization  do  not  rest  exclusively  with  those 
who  happen  to  be  possessed  of  vigorous  arms  and 
muscles ;  that  some  remnants  of  common  understand- 
ing and  honesty  are  to  be  found  even  among  indi- 
viduals of  less  exalted  mould ;  and  that  by  making 
a  proper  use  of  the  sense  of  right  and  wrong,  which 
undoubtedly  exists  in  all  communities,  it  is  pos- 
sible to  govern  a  number  of  soldiers  very  well, 
without  having  constant  recourse  to  such  little  whims 
as  "  bucking  and  gagging,"  "  tying  up  by  the  thumbs," 
manufacturing    "  spread    eagles,"   and    other    little 


Guy  Averall.  355 

eccentricities  with  which  the  United  States  private 
was  unhappily  but  too  familiar  at  this  period. 

As  to  the  good  and  amiable  Mrs.  Daisy,  her 
mind  was  greatly  exercised  at  this  time.  In  the  first 
place,  her  spirit,  as  she  herself  said,  had  received  a 
severe  shock  on  account  of  the  fall  of  those  "  dear 
children  "  Sergeants  Lawless  and  Ryan ;  and  in 
addition  to  all  this,  Mr.  Blodgett,  the  irrepressible, 
still  seemed  to  be  a  source  of  trouble.  But  the 
greatest  annoyance  of  all  was  in  reference  to  that 
dear  Vale  of  Chamouni,  on  which  her  heart  was 
still  set,  for  her  own  darling  Tom,  as  yet,  seemed 
somewhat  indifferent  to  the  charms  of  that  place, 
and  having  made  up  his  mind  not  to  forestall  his 
pay,  he  felt  disposed  apparently  to  disparage  that 
far-famed  locality,  whenever  the  subject  was  men- 
tioned. *'  What  fools  our  beople  bake  of  themselves," 
he  would  sometimes  say,  "when  they  begin  talking 
about  these  foreign  blaces.  Bale  of  Chamouni !  My 
wife,  Mrs.  Daisy,  is  a  perfect  bonobaniac  on  the  sub- 
ject ;  and  after  all  what  is  it !  A  kind  of  gully,  I 
suppose,  between  a  couple  of  mountains,  with  a  road 
running  through  it,  from  end  to  end,  and  a  few  tav- 
erns stuck  here  and  there,  just  by  way  of  variety. 
Why  I  could  find  you  plenty  of  bales,  such  as  this, 
within  fifty  miles  of  New  York,  if  Mrs.  Daisy  would 
only  be  satisfied  with  them." 

"  Oh  Tom  !  oh  Tom!"  would  be  the  rejoinder  "you 
have  not  a  particle  of  poetry  or  romance  in  your 
composition."  And  with  this  sage  remark  on  the 
part  of  his  spouse,  the  discussion  usually  terminated. 

At  length  it  seemed  as  though  that  kind  Provi- 
dence which  watches  over  the  destinies  of  nations, 


35^  Guy  Aver  a  II. 

and  has  ever  an  eye  on  the  deserving,  looked  down 
in  pity  on  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy,  and  actually  relieved 
her  from  two  of  her  principal  difficulties.  In  the 
first  place,  it  may  be  remarked  that  Blodgett,  taking 
example  apparently  from  Lieutenant  Square,  began 
to  be  somewhat  attentive  to  a  cousin  of  his  at  this 
time,  a  fact  which  did  not  remain  long  undiscovered, 
so  Mrs.  Daisy  immediately  came  to  the  conclusion  that 
all  sources  of  anxiety  on  account  of  that  scatterbrain 
subaltern  were  now  removed ;  and  that  her  ward, 
Miss  Davis,  was  not  destined  to  fall  into  his  clutches. 
In  the  second  place,  it  deserves  to  be  recorded,  that 
just  about  this  time,  an  uncle  of  the  Brigadier  hap- 
pened to  die  in  New  York  ;  and  on  examining  his 
will  it  was  discovered  that  a  legacy  of  a  few  thous- 
and dollars  had  actually  been  left  to  his  niece.  It 
was  with  feelings  of  mingled  joy  and  sorrow  that  the 
lady  received  the  news.  "  The  poor  dear  man  !  " 
said  she  by  way  of  exclamation,  "  it  pains  my  heart 
so  much  to  think  that  he  is  gone.  I  always  loved 
him  very  dearly,  and  had  long  looked  on  him  as  a 
second  father  to  me,  and  so  indeed  he  was,  since  my 
own  dear  pa  took  his  departure  to  a  better  world 
than  this.  But  now  his  struggles  and  anxieties  are 
all  over,  he  is  laid  at  rest,  and  I  shall  never  enjoy  the 
felicity  of  seeing  his  dear  face  again.  But  Tom,  Tom," 
continued  Mrs.  Daisy  still  sticking  to  her  text.  "  I 
have  one  question  to  ask.  As  soon  as  I  obtain  the 
money,  cannot  we  get  that  six  months  leave  of 
absence,  that  we  have  been  speaking  of,  for  so 
long  a  time,  and  enjoy  ourselves,  by  taking  our  little 
ramble  as  we  originally  intended  in  far  off  countries." 
**  Ramble  as  we  originally  intended  in  far  off 


Guy  Ave  rail.  357 

countries !  Ramble  as  we  originally  intended  in  far 
off  countries  !  "  exclaimed  Major  Daisy  in  despair, 
"  I  see  we  will  have  no  peace  or  quietness  till  we 
find  ourselves  in  motion.  Yes,  yes,  Sophia,  you  can 
have  your  own  way  in  this,  as  you  already  have  had 
it  in  a  good  many  other  things.  There  is  only  one 
request  I  have  to  present.  Don't  mention  Europe 
to  me  till  we  are  ready  to  start  ;  for  I  already  have 
heard  enough  on  that  subject  to  last  me  my  lifetime." 

"  Then  I  shall  see  the  dear  vale  of  Chamouni," 
said  Mrs.  Daisy,  **  with  my  own  two  eyes,  and  we 
shall  both  visit  the  Lake  of  Geneva,  and  the  castle 
of  Chillon,  with  Clarens,  Vevey,  Lausanne,  and  all 
the  other  localities..  Tol-de-re-lol-lol !  Tol-de-re- 
lol-lol !  Oh  the  vale  of  Chamouni.  Tol-de-re-lol- 
lol  !  Tol-de-re-lol-lol  !  Oh  the  vale,  the  vale  of 
Chamouni." 

"  Major  Daisy  I  have  only  one  word  to  say  in 
the  connection,  I  consider  myself  one  of  the  most 
fortunate  women  in  the  world,  and  you  as  simply 
the  best  and  dearest  man  that  ever  existed." 

II. 
But  it  must  not  be  supposed  that  the  good  Mrs, 
Daisy  depended  altogether  on  those  exotic  pleas- 
ures as  a  means  of  enjoyment ;  on  the  contrary  her 
mind  was  too  well  disciplined  to  rest  entirely  on 
foreign  attractions,  such  as  far  off  places  afford,  and 
hence  it  happened  that  as  long  as  she  remained  in 
her  own  country,  she  resolved  to  participate  in  its 
society  and  customary  gratifications.  And  in  proof 
of  this  we  would  mention,  that  after  remaining  in 
Camp  Scott  for  about  three  months,  the  troops  were 


358  Gvy  Aver  all. 

ordered  to  one  of  the  Forts  in  Charleston  Harbor, 
The  third  or  fourth  day  after  their  arrival  it  was 
reported  that  a  boating  party,  having  returned  at  a 
somewhat  late  hour  in  the  night,  Lieutenant  Square, 
instead  of  going  to  his  quarters,  as  he  ought,  was 
actually  seen  with  Mrs.  Daisy  on  one  arm,  and  Miss 
Eleanor  on  the  other,  taking  a  moonlight  stroll  round 
the  brick  covered  ramparts  of  Fort  Moultrie.  Now 
no  one  pays  any  regard  to  a  midnight  stroll  in  Amer- 
ica, during  the  lovely  month  of  August,  when  the 
voice  of  the  mocking  bird  is  heard  in  the  grove,  and 
the  buzz  of  the  mosquito  is  heard  in  the  ear,  and 
the  thermometer  is  standing  at  ninety ;  and  yet  this 
particular  excursion  was  regarded  with  a  good  deal 
of  suspicion.  Why  could  not  Mrs.  Daisy,  if  sentiment- 
ally inclined,  go  and  plump  at  once  into  her  downy 
bed,  and  allow  Miss  Eleanor,  who  was  a  marriageable 
woman,  to  have  this  little  stroll  with  Lieutenant 
Square  in  quietude  ?  But  no,  such  a  thing  as  this 
would  be  highly  improper,  so  the  Brigadier,  who  by 
the  way  did  not  object  to  a  little  soft  nonsense  her- 
self, would  not  suTDJect  the  niece  to  this  vile  offence 
of  lovemaking. 

"  By  all  that  is  handsome,"  said  a  big  recruit, 
when  the  circumstance  was  mentioned,  "  I  should 
consider  it  the  greatest  joke  in  the  world,  if  the 
Lifftenant  should  steal  a  march  on  old  Jazabel,  and 
marry  Miss  Eleanor,  in  spite  of  her  teeth.  It  is  the 
greatest  pity  in  the  world  he  is  not  a  free  man,  for 
if  Square  and  Miss  Davis,  by  some  accident,  should 
become  husband  and  wife,  I'm  blessed  but  every 
soldier  in  the  company  would  dance  a  hornpipe  on 
the  occasion.      It  is  easy  to  see  who  is  the  real  lady, 


Guy  Aver  all.  359 

after  all,  in  that  house,  even  in  spite  of  the  Briga- 
dier's mighty  pretensions.  I  guess,  if  Miss  Davis 
left,  the  Brigadier  would  have  to  look  after  young 
,  Hector  himself,  and  teach  him  French  too  ;  and  as 
to  his  face,  it  might  remain  dirty  or  not,  just  as 
chance  should  direct,  for  by  the  powers  above,  the 
mother  is  too  lazy  to  trouble  herself  with  such  trifles 
as  that,  in  the  way  of  household  discipline.  She  is 
always  talking  of  Kings  and  aristocracy." 

"Of  course  she  does,"  was  the  reply  from  some 
one  else,  "  and  well  entitled  is  she  to  the  privilege. 
Do  we  not  know,  as  she  has  often  told  us,  that  she 
was  brought  up  in  the  lap  of  luxury,  all  her  life,  and 
how  can  a  person  who  has  enjoyed  such  privileges 
as  these,  venture  to  attend  to  a  few  every-day  cares  .^ 
Didn't  I  hear  her  tell  a  rousing  whopper,  the  other 
evening,  in  addition  to  a  few  of  the  same  sort,  which 
I  have  already  set  down  in  my  catalogue." 

"  What  was  that  ?  "  was  the  rejoinder. 

"  I  will  tell  you,  just  as  the  lady  herself  rehearsed 
the  narration,  for  I  heard  her  going  over  the  whole 
thing,  from  beginning  to  end.  According  to  her 
account,  the  present  A.  T.  Stewart,  of  New  York,  is  en- 
titled to  the  family  of  the  Brigadier  for  all  his  great- 
ness. The  '  child  '  was  originally  nothing  but  a  boy, 
very  poor  and  very  ignorant,  who  landed  at  New 
York  in  a  pair  of  corduroys,  and  afterwards  went 
about  the  street  selling  newspapers.  The  father  of 
Mrs.  Daisy,  seeing  the  urchin,  called  him  in;  gave 
him  his  supper  and  sent  him  to  school ;  and  from 
such  humble  beginnings  as  these,  arose  all  of  A.  T. 
Stewart's  subsequent  greatness.  He  never  forgets 
his  old  benefactor,  be  it  told  ;  for  any  time  that  Mrs. 


360  Guy  Averall. 

Daisy  goes  into  Stewart's  warehouse,  the  head  book- 
keeper is  sent  immediately  to  wait  on  her.  She  can 
order  as  many  goods  as  she  likes,  they  are  instantly 
sent  down  to  her  house,  and  she  can  pay  for  them  or 
not,  just  as  it  suits  her  convenience." 

"  It  is  a  wonder,"  said  the  other,  "  that  a  person 
like  Mrs.  Daisy  is  not  ashamed  to  tell  such  fables." 

"Fables!"  was  the  rejoinder,  "these  are  not 
fables  at  all — the  woman  has  been  telling  these  stories 
so  very,  very  often,  that  she  really  now  believes  in 
the  truth  of  them.  Still  after  all,  I  will  give  Mrs. 
Daisy  credit  for  one  thing.  She  every  now  and  then 
will  release  a  soldier  from  the  guard  house,  provided 
she  requires  some  work  from  him.  Perhaps  after 
all,  she  will  grow  lenient  towards  one  of  her  best 
friends,  I  mean  towards  Miss  Davis  herself." 

"Oh,  indeed  she  wont,"  was  the  reply.  "The 
place  of  Miss  Eleanor  is  fixed.  Mrs.  Daisy  considers 
her  niece  as  her  own  particular  perquisite ;  and  to 
allow  the  latter  to  leave  her  house,  is  a  thing  that  a 
woman  like  the  Brigadier  will  never  consent  to.  She 
requires  the  service  of  Miss  Davis  now,  particularly, 
in  view  of  that  foreign  gallop  on  which  she  seems  so 
much  bent.  Beside  all  this,  I  have  my  private  reasons 
for  supposing  that  Miss  Eleanor  has  pretty  tho- 
roughly abandoned  this  notion  of  matrimony." 

III. 

It  was  subsquent  to  the  foregoing  events  that  the 
principal  personage  in  Fort  Moultrie  was  obliged  to 
stand  up  and  explain.  The  immediate  occasion  of 
this  adventure  was  the  inimitable  Hector.  One  day 
his  mother  hearing  that  the   Secretary  of  War  was 


Guy  Averall.  361 

inclined  to  be  propitious,  resolved  to*  take  time  by 
the  forelock,  and  accordingly  wrote  that,  when  the 
proper  time  came,  she  was  very  desirous  that  her  son 
should  receive  an  appointment  as  a  cadet.  The 
Secretary,  supposing  that  the  request  was  an  urgent 
one,  posted  off  immediately  to  the  President,  and 
laid  the  claims  of  Major  Daisy  before  him.  That 
dignitary  was  disposed  to  be  complaisant,  and  as  a 
consequence,  down  came  a  letter  from  the  War  De- 
partment, saying  that  the  President,  in  consideration 
of  the  services  of  Major  Daisy,  had  been  pleased  to 
act  favorably  on  the  application  for  his  son  to  a  place 
at  West  Point ;  that  all  which  was  now  necessary 
was  to  send  the  age  of  the  boy,  and  the  State  in 
which  he  was  born,  in  order  to  have  his  name  prop- 
erly entered  as  a  candidate  for  examination.  The 
brave  and  gallant  Brigadier  was  now  forced  to  apolo- 
gize. Her  son  had  not  as  yet  attained  the  proper 
age,  so  that  the  boon  she  asked  was  a  prospective, 
rather  than  an  immediate  favor.  "  If,  however." 
said  she,  "  a  vacancy  should  be  open,  say  five  or  six 
years  from  now,  I  shall  be  most  proud  to  accept  the 
favor,  for  I  certainly  consider  the  Army  the  noblest 
profession  in  the  country. 

As  to  those  officers  of  the  Twenty-Sixth  Artillery 
whose  names  have  already  appeared  in  this  history, 
their  love  affairs,  let  us  assure  the  reader,  now  pro- 
ceeded in  as  prosperous  a  way  as  could  be  expected. 
First,  as  regards  the  irrepressible,  he  actually  did 
write  a  couple  of  letters  to  his  cousin  ;  but  just  at 
that  juncture  he  happened  to  get  hold  of  a  book 
which  caused  considerable  talk  at  that  time,  the  "'Ves- 
tiges   of   Creation,"  and   noticing  that    an  English 


362  Guy  Aver  all. 

physicist,  Andrew  Crosse  byname,  while  experiment- 
ing with  a  solution  of  silicate  of  potash,  and  an  ordi- 
nary galvanic  battery,  was  surprised  to  see  "  as  if 
gradually  growing  from  specks,  between  the  poles  of 
the  battery,"  certain  animals  of  the  genus  acarus  ! 
Now  this  notion  of  producing  animals  by  means  of 
electricity,  was  too  captivating  in  itself  to  escape  the 
attention  of  Blodgett ;  for  the  irrepressible  was  one 
of  those  half  crazy  individuals,  who  are  always  on  the 
lookout  for  anything  that  can  militate  against  the  ac- 
curacy of  the  first  three  chapters  of  Genesis  ;  and 
provided  they  see  something  new  in  that  direction, 
they  consider  themselves  to  be  immortal  discoverers. 
He  accordingly  dispatched  an  order  to  New  York 
for  a  galvanic  apparatus,  and  as  soon  as  it  came  to 
hand,  he  commenced  dabbling  with  his  chemicals. 
But  somehow  or  other,  the  insects  would  not  come  ; 
and  although  silicate  of  potash,  cyanide  of  potassium, 
bromide  of  silver,  and  carbonate  of  soda  were  all  used 
in  succession,  yet  that  did  not  mend  the  matter,  for 
the  experiment  was  a  failure.  So  Blodgett  had  no 
resource  but  to  lay  the  blame  on  the  means  within 
his  reach.  "  By  Jupiter,  Square,"  said  he  one  day, 
"  I  can  make  as  big  bugs,  and  as  fine  bugs,  as  any 
person  in  the  whole  universe — all  I  want  is  the  proper 
kind  of  instrument." 

"  You  can  do  anything,  Blodgett,  that  mortal  man 
ever  accomplished,  except  one,"  said  Square. 

"Except  one,"  repeated  Blodgett.  "What  is 
that  one,  may  I  ask  ?" 

''  Persuade  a  woman,  who  is  unwilling  to  do  so, 
to  marry  you,"  was  the  answer." 

The  irrepressible  made  no  reply  to  this  observa- 


Guy  Averall.  363 

tion,  but  at  the  same  time  he  colored  as  if  his  face 
was  a  carrot.  Was  it  possible  that  Square,  even  in 
the  midst  of  his  nonchalant  existence,  had  suspected 
Blodgett  of  a  more  than  ordinar  good  will  towards 
Miss  Eleanor  ;  and  took  this  method  of  curbing  the 
somewhat  ino  dinat  self-conceit  of  his  brother  offi- 
cer ?  Or  was  the  expression  which  had  just  escaped, 
a  mere  hap-hazard  phrase,  which  beyond  its  general 
application  signified  nothing  ?  For  our  part  we  must 
confess  that  ha  ing  studied  this  problem  for  a  very- 
considerable  space  of  time,  we  are  obliged  to  let  the 
whole  matter  rest,  with  the  customary  Spanish  in- 
quiry, quien  sabe  ? 

As  to  our  old  friends,  Messrs.  Spruce  and  Taper, 
we  have  only  this  much  to  say  that  during  their  term 
of  duty,  in  the  South,  they  were  both  as  merry  as 
crickets.  They  carolled  that  song  about  "  cigars  " 
and  ''  cognac,"  just  as  usual ;  and  after  Taper  was 
transferred  to  West  Point,  he  Avent  a  step  further  and 
proposed,  first,  to  that  "  lovely  girl  "  on  Twenty-fifth 
Avenue,  and  some  other  street ;  and  afterwards  to 
the  other  "  lovely  girl  "  who  lived  a  square  further 
up  town,  but  the  answer,  unfortunately,  was  alike  in 
both  cases— kind  papa  thought  Mr.  Taper  a  very  ex- 
cellent young  man,  and  in  other  circumstances  would 
be  disposed  to  give  him  every  possible  consideration; 
but  then  the  profession  which  Taper  followed  pre- 
sented an  insuperable  objection,  and  neither  person- 
age would  consent  that  a  member  of  his  family  should 
adopt  such  a  wandering,  half-gypsy  calling  as  that  to 
which  the  suitor  was  bound.  So  the  officer  was 
obliged  to  take  his  hat  in  hand  and  make  his  depart- 
ure.     With  Spruce,  on  the  contrary,  the  result  was 


364  Guy  Ave  rail. 

totally  different.  The  father  of  that  gentleman  ;  a 
cross,  vinegar-faced  old  felloAv,  who  lived  in  the 
neighborhood  of  Madison  Square,  had  the  reputation 
of  being  tolerably  rich,  owing  to  a  fortunate  specula- 
tion in  Western  lands.  It  was  currently  supposed 
that  the  officer,  at  some  time  or  other,  would  be  the 
inheritor  of  a  considerable  proportion  of  this  wealth; 
a  fact  which  was  duly  taken  into  account  when  that 
gallant  young  Subaltern  presented  his  claim.  The 
venerable  papa,  in  this  case,  did  not  like  the  army 
any  more  than  other  persons  did,  but  gold  is  omni- 
potent everywhere  ;  and  >the  fact  that  Spruce  had 
his  great  expectations  before  him  outweighed  all 
minor  considerations.  After  the  customary  doubts 
and  hesitations  were  removed,  the  reluctant  head  of 
the  family  assented.  In  a  couple  of  months  from 
that  time,  the  marriage  was  celebrated  with  proper 
solemnity  ;  and  the  happy  couple  both  started  on 
their  wedding  tour.  What  presents  they  received  and 
what  places  they  visited,  it  becomes  us  not  to  say  ; 
but  after  the  lapse  of  a  month  or  six  weeks,  the  final 
result  followed,  for  the  gallant  Lieutenant  brought 
his  wife  to  Fort  Moultrie.  After  a  due  exchange  of 
calls,  examination  of  wedding  gifts,  etc.,  "  bride  is  a 
lovely  creature,  you  know,"  the  lady  herself  came  up 
as  a  proper  subject  for  examination,  and  on  a  close 
and  searching  inspection,  it  was  officially  declared 
that  Mrs.  Spruce  was  a  lady  of  many  excellent  qual- 
ities, a  woman  who  was  calculated  in  every  way  to 
make  her  husband  happy  ;  and  do  honor  besides  to 
the  Army,  in  every  respect.  All  the  ladies  at  Fort 
Moultrie  were  loud  in  their  praise  of  Mrs.  Spruce, 
but  Mrs.  Daisy  was  loudest  of  all ;  indeed  as  far  as 


Guy  Averall.  365 

that  point  was  concerned,  the  way  the  Brigadier  took 
Mrs.  Spruce  under  her  charge  was  one  of  the  most 
touching  sights  that  could  well  be  conceived.  "  I'll 
be  a  dear,  good  mother  to  you,  my  child.  I'll  be  a 
dear,  good  mother  to  you,  as  long  as  you  remain  in 
the  service,"  was  the  affectionate  exclamation  of 
Mrs.  Daisy  after  making  her  first  call,  "  an  innocent 
creature,  such  as  you,  wants  some  one  to  look  after 
her  interest.  I'll  never  forget  you  as  long  as  you 
live — your  husband  is  a  gallant  officer  and  gentle- 
man, who  fully  deserves  any  attention  I  may  bestow 
on  his  wife." 

"  Thank  you,  Mrs.  Daisy,"  said  Spruce,  with  a 
bow, 

"  No  thanks  at  all — no  thanks  at  all — it  is  merely 
my  duty  as  wife  of  the  commanding  officer  of  this 
garrison.  Now,  Mr.  Square,  when  are  we  going  to 
have  the  pleasure  of  bestowing  the  same  attention 
on  you  V 

"  As  far  as  that  point  is  concerned,  I  really 
cannot  say,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Bring  the  dear  child  here  as  soon  as  possible — 
bring  the  dear  child  here  as  soon  as  possible,  don't 
make  any  delay,  and  I'll  do  all  in  my  power  to  make 
it  agreeable  for  her.  I  was  brought  up  in  absolute 
elegance;  as  I've  often  said,  I  was  never  controlled 
in  any  way  when  young,  but  I  did  not  mind  the 
change  into  the  Army  one  bit.  I  willingly  surren- 
dered every  thin  sj  I  had  in  the  world  for  the  sake  of 
my  own  good  Tom,  and  now  there  is  nothing  that 
gives  me  so  much  pleasure  as  seeing  his  friends  and 
my  friends  all  together.  Once  Mrs.  Square  joins  us 
m  the  Army,  we  will  soon  clear  out  the  Hospital  in 


366  Guy  Averall. 

the  usual  way,  and  then  we  all  can  dance  the  chapeau 
bras. 

V. 

As  to  Guy  Averall,  he  had  nothing  whatever  to 
do  with  love  at  this  time;  the  truth  of  the  matter 
being  that  the  pay  which  he  then  drew  as  a  private 
soldier,  seven  dollars  a  month,  would  hardly  allow 
him  to  indulge  in  that  somewhat  expensive  luxury. 
He  still  kept  up  his  studies  as  iisual;  and  after  get- 
ting through  his  Charles  the  Twelfth  and  Gil  Bias, 
he  made  a  further  advance  in  the  usual  French 
course,  by  translating  Corinne,  Louis  Quatorze  and 
two  or  three  of  the  plays  of  Moliere.  He  now  felt 
himself  fully  prepared  to  dip  into  those  beautifu', 
though  somewhat  eccentric  works,  which  constitute 
the  great  bulk  of  modern  Gallic  literature — George 
Sand  and  Paul  de  Kock,  Monsieur  Balzac,  and  the 
Author  of  the  Mysteries  of  Paris,  But  luckily  for 
Guy,  he  was  saved  from  this  degradation,  for  about 
this  time  he  succeeded  in  making  the  acquaintance 
of  Shakspeare.  But  here,  perchance,  some  persons 
may  ask,  how  does  it  happen  that  Averall,  who 
seems  to  have  a  tolerable  appreciation  of  mathe- 
matical science,  and  is  even  able  to  understand  a 
political  discussion,  should  yet  remain  ignorant  of 
the  greatest  of  English  poets  ?  But  Guy,  it  must  be 
recollected,  was  born  in  a  curious  part  of  the  world, 
the  north  of  Ireland;  a  region  that  for  narrow  puri- 
tanical prejudices  is  exceeded  by  none;  and  where 
these  prej  udices  exercise  a  tyranny  that  in  other  places 
would  be  simply  unendurable.  In  his  youth  the  boy 
had  access  to  books,  it  is  true,  and  was  occasionally 
allowed  to  rejuvenate  himself    by  an  inspection  of 


Guy  Ave  rail.  367 

such  entertaining  volumes  as  "  Blair  on  the  Grave  " 
or  "Harvey's  Meditations  Among  the  Tombs,"  but 
to  think  of  glancing  at  the  productions  of  an  irre- 
ligious play  actor,  like  Shakspeare,  the  thing  was 
impossible!  And  the  fact  was,  that  while  there  was 
a  tolerable  collection  of  volumes  of  a  miscellaneous 
character  in  his  aunt's  house,  which  he  could  read  as 
he  chose,  yet  Shakspeare,  at  that  time,  was  to  him  a 
sealed  book,  so  that  till  he  was  stationed  at  Fort 
Moultrie,  he  never  read  a  single  play  of  the  greatest 
of  dramatists.  But  this  restraint,  after  all,  was  any- 
thing rather  than  an  injury;  for  do  we  not  become 
insensible  of  the  force  and  beauty  of  the  best  passages 
of  English  poetry,  by  a  mechanical  repetition  of 
them,  at  a  time  when  our  inexperience  of  life  renders 
us  incapable  of  appreciating  their  excellence  ? 
Almost  any  boy  of  fourteen  years  of  age,  for  in- 
stance, has  gone  over  the  passage  "  To  be  or  not  to 
be,"  till  it  has  lost  half  its  meaning,  and  has  become 
little  more  than  a  mere  conglomeration  of  words. 
The  same  remark  applies  to  other  quotations  beside 
the  one  mentioned;  some  of  which,  spite  of  their 
merits,  are  even  parodied  and  ridiculed  in  every  pos- 
sible way.  At  any  rate,  when  Guy  Averall  began 
reading  the  bard  of  Avon  it  was  with  the  freshness 
of  a  new  occupation,  and  certes  the  enjoyment  and 
instruction  which  he  received  at  that  time,  was  a 
subject  on  which  he  long  after  loved  to  dilate.  It 
was  pure  pleasure — pleasure  of  the  loftiest  kind — 
pleasure  derived  from  sympathy  and  contact  with 
beings  higher  than  we  meet  on  earth,  but  who  had 
this  much  of  humanity  about  them  that  they  have 

loved  and  suffered,  just  as  we  have,  and  as  a  coiise- 

24 


368  Guy  Averall. 

quence  they  present  a  reflex  image  of  those  feelings 
which  every  one  among  us  may  claim  as  his  own; 
but  as  his  own,  intensified  and  beautified  by  the  art 
of  the  poet. 

The  first  play  that  Averall  read  was  King  Lear, 
a  tragedy  which,  as  an  expression  of  sublime  sorrow 
has  not,  we  believe,  its  equal  in  the  world,  Then 
followed  Macbeth,  and  Othello  and  lastly,  Hamlet, 
Prince  of  Denmark,  works  that  were  absolutely  new 
revelations  of  power  to  Guy,  and  full  of  the  most 
glorious  imagery.  Even  in  their  minute  aspects, 
what  evidence  do  we  find  of  that  divine  ideality, 
which  all  true  poets  possess  in  a  greater  or  less 
degree,  but  which  none  have  exhibited  Avith  greater 
opulence  than  Shakespeare.  Here,  for  instance,  is 
sentence  after  sentence,  Avhich  on  account  of  its 
appositeness  and  suggestiveness,  has  been  quoted 
again  and  again,  but  of  whose  origin  Guy  Averall 
knows  nothing  till  he  discovers  it  in  Hamlet  or  Mac- 
beth. How  universal  Shakespeare  seems,  living  in  an 
age  when  polemical  and  political  controversy  was 
rife,  he  is  neither  Romanist  nor  Puritan,  a  friend  of 
the  people  or  an  admirer  of  kings  ;  but  nature's 
great  poet,  who  feels  himself  at  liberty  to  illustrate 
his  sentiments  by  allusions  drawn  from  the  most 
opposite  sources.  What  exquisite  pictures  of  exter- 
nal nature  do  we  find  here  and  there  scattered 
through  his  plays,  of  which  the  lines  in  which  Horatio 
informs  Marcellus  that  daylight  is  approaching,  are  an 
instance.  In  sketching  a  person  what  masterly  power 
is  exhibited  ;  the  disposition  of  Cordelia,  for  instance, 
is  revealed  by  the  very  first  sentence  which  she 
utters.     This  power  of  indicating  a  scene  or  a  char- 


Guy  Ave  rail.  369 

acter  by  a  few  words,  is  the  very  highest  excellence 
in  poetic  art,  and  is  constantly  exhibited  by  our 
great  dramatist.  But  it  is  useless  to  attempt  to 
enumerate  other  examples  of  the  very  highest  quali- 
ties. 

Guy  Averall  was  not  a  critic  at  this  period,  and 
understood  little  or  nothing  about  those  varieties  of 
time,  place  and  action  on  which  French  writers  lay 
so  much  stress  ;  he  was  conscious,  nevertheless,  even 
when  first  examining  Shakespeare,  that  in  his  principal 
plays  there  is  at  least  a  unity  of  sentiment,  from 
beginning  to  end,  and  to  the  illustration  of  this,  all 
the  incidents  of  the  piece  are  subordinate.  This 
characteristic  has  been  duly  noticed  by  the  German 
critics  and  also  by  Coleridge.  In  Romeo  and  Juliet^ 
for  instance,  we  have  youthful  love  and  its  unfortu- 
nate requital  ;  in  Macbeth  guilty  ambiti'on  and  its 
downfall ;  in  Lear  the  ingratitude  of  an  old  man's 
offspring  is  exemplified.  Instead  of  there  being  a 
want  of  symmetry  in  Shakespeare,  as  many  of  the 
French  writers  seem  to  suppose,  there  is  the  most 
carefully  developed  plot,  while  his  neglect  of  the 
so-called  classic  rules,  gives  his  plays  a  freedom, 
variety  and  vigor  to  which  those  who  write  after  the 
French  model,  can  make  no  possible  pretension. 

It  was  the  habit  of  Guy's  aunt,  as  a  strict  Puritan, 
to  disparage  those  works  of  imagination  of  which 
Shakespeare's  plays  are  an  example;  calling  them 
nothing,  in  short,  but  mere  "  bundles  of  lies  "  ;  it  is 
a  noteworthy  fact  nevertheless,  that  some  of  these 
falsehoods,  as  she  still  chooses  to  designate  them, 
possess  a  durability  to  which  works  of  mere  infor- 
mation can  lay  no  possible  claim.       Nor  is  this  fact 


270  Guy  Aver  all. 

difficult  to  explain.  A  play,  a  poem,  or  a  novel  is 
a  work  of  art,  and  as  such  may  approach  perfection 
in  its  kind  ;  and  hence  become  a  source  of  perma- 
nent pleasure  ever  afterwards.  But  in  mere  science, 
the  case  is  different.  Books  of  that  sort  can  be 
constantly  improved.  Knowledge  is  not  only  pro- 
gressive, but  it  is  yearly  put  into  a  more  and  more 
convenient  shape;  and  hence  it  happens  that  the 
works  of  the  early  discoverers  are  first  read,  and 
after  a  time  absolutely  neglected.  There  probably 
was  never  a  greater  mathematical  genius  than  Sir 
Isaac  Newton,  yet  who  is  there  that  studies  the 
Principia  now  ?  Absolutely  no  one,  in  its  entirety 
unless  perchance  it  is  some  historian  of  the  progress 
of  physical  science,  who  examines  the  book  from 
motives  of  curiosity.  The  fact  is,  the  knowledge 
contained  in  that  production  has  been  put  into  more 
convenient  shape  by  subsequent  writers.  But  with 
Othello  and  Macbeth  the  case  is  different.  These 
appeal  to  the  feelings  of  the  heart,  which  are  per- 
manent in- all  ages  and  countries  ;  and  as  a  conse- 
quence are  sure 'to  be  always  read  and  appreciated. 

VI. 

Dropping  Guy  Averall  and  his  Shakespeare  for 
the  present,  and  proceeding  with  our  direct  narrative 
we  would  say,  that  during  the  epoch  under  consid- 
eration, were  still  continued  the  most  extensive 
preparations,  by  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy,  in  view  of 
that  foreign  excursion,  on  Avhich  her  mind  was  now 
wholly  bent,  while  Miss  Davis,  in  her  inferior  and 
dependent  character  as  an  "  assistant,"  was  obliged 
to  render  her  aunt  all  the  service  she  could  afford  in 


Guy  Aver  all.  371 

the  connection.  Sometimes  the  former  lady  would 
spread  out  the  map  of  Europe,  and  debate,  within 
herself,  which  was  the  best  possible  route  of  travel 
to  take.  At  one  time,  for  instance,  she  would  im-v 
agine  herself  going  down  the  Rhine,  examining  those 
old  castles  and  towns  of  which  so  many  romantic 
stories  are  told  ;  anon  she  was  stopping  at  Inter- 
laken  or  Berne,  or  sailing  at  will  on  the  Lake  of 
Geneva.  But  it  was  not  in  these  ideal  rambles 
alone  that  her  mind  was  exercised  at  this  period  ; 
for  Mrs.  Daisy  was  by  nature  too  well  informed  and 
acute  a  woman  to  remain  ignorant  of  the  fact  that 
in  order  to  derive  proper  advantages  from  travel, 
much  preparatory  study  is  needed;  and  the  history, 
language  and  literature  of  the  country  one  proposes 
to  visit,  should  all  be  subjected  to  a. preliminary 
inspection.  And  the  truth  of  the  matter  was,  that 
the  Brigadier,  ill-trained  and  badly  constituted  per- 
sonage though  she  might  be,  had  yet  a  wonderful 
knack  of  gathering  random  misinformation  on  all 
sorts  of  subjects  ;  so  that  painting,  sculpture, 
astronomy,  the  use  of  the  globes,  and  a  hundred 
other  things  beside,  had  all  to  pay  tribute  to  her  com- 
manding intellect.  In  no  one  direction,  as  may 
readily  be  surmised,  was  her  knowledge  either  cor- 
rect or  well  digested  ;  she  was  erratic  and  wilful, 
but  not  a  stupid  woman  by  any  means.  Indeed  the 
readiness  with  which  she  acquired  a  smattering  of 
knowledge  on  this  and  that  topic,  was  in  itself  some- 
what remarkable.  By  glancing  over  a  book,  here 
and  there,  she  was  generally  able,  in  a  couple  of 
hours,  to  obtain  a  tolerably  accurate  notion  of  its 
contents ;  and  that  was  all  that  was  required,  for  the 


372  Guy  Ave  rail. 

time  being,  to  gratify  her  curiosity.  As  to  serious 
study,  it  was  a  thing  of  which  she  never  had  been 
guilty  in  the  course  of  her  life;  everything  was  done 
by  fits  and  starts,  and  once  her  curiosity  on  one  topic 
was  exhausted,  another  was  taken  up,  to  be  pursued 
and  dropped  in  the  same  desultory  manner. 

At  the  present  period,  Mrs.  Daisy  appeared  to 
take  a  profound  interest  in  the  fine  arts  ;  and  when- 
ever she  happened  to  be  in  the  dark,  on  any  particu- 
lar subject,  her  usual  source  of  information,  Miss 
Eleanor,  was  always  on  hand,  and  was  sure  to  be 
called  in  to  supply  the  desired  information,  if  possible. 

But  it  was,  after  all,  when  talking  of  those  dear 
princes  and  princesses  on  whom  the  heart  of  Mrs. 
Daisy  was  so  constantly  set,  that  the  superiority  of 
this  excellent  woman  became  clearly  manifested^  and 
in  his  passages  backward  and  forward  between  Fort 
Moultrie  and  Charleston  City,  Guy  Averall  had  fre- 
quent opportunities  of  hearmg  how  intimate  Mrs. 
Daisy  was  with  the  Queen  of  Great  Britain  and  Ire  • 
land,  among  other  notables  ;  and  also  what  a  supreme 
interest  she  took  in  the  affairs  of  her  family.  "  There 
was  that  poor  dear  angel  Victoria,  whom  I  love  so 
very  much;  and  her  good  husband  Prince  Albert 
whom  I  esteem  so  very  highly;  and  their  children  the 
Princess  Royal,  born  on  such  a  day  in  the  year  one 
thousand  eight  hundred  and  forty;  and  the  Prince  of 
Wales  born  on  such  a  day  in  the  year  eighteen  hun- 
dred and  forty-one;  and  the  lovely  Alice,  born  on 
such  a  day  in  the  year  eighteen  hundred  and  forty- 
three."  And  so  Mrs.  Daisy  would  go  on,  giving  day 
and  date  for  the  birth  of  the  queen's  somewhat 
numerous  family,  till  the  whole  list  was  exhausted. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  373 

After  such  a  painstaking  effort  as  this,  it  will  readily 
be  granted  that  if  any  one  were  entitled  to  rub  noses 
with  majestic  royalty  while  paying  a  visit  to  foreign 
lands,  the  Brigadier  was  certainly  that  fortunate  in- 
dividual. But  why  Mrs.  Daisy,  as  a  stern  republican, 
should  ascribe  such  superlative  honor  to  crowned 
heads,  was  to  Guy  Averall,  at  least,  a  mystery. 

On  some  occasions  it  seemed  as  though  Lieuten- 
ant Square  took  note  of  this  little  foible  on  the  part 
of  Mrs.  Daisy ;  and  endeavored  to  curb  it  as  far  as 
possible,  while  avoiding  at  the  same  time,  anything 
that  might  seem  absolutely  offensive.  One  day,  for 
instance,  it  was  remarked  that  the  Brigadier,  who 
seemed  to  have  been  refreshing  her  mind  on  the 
topography  of  the  west  end  of  London,  chose  to  ven- 
tilate her  ideas  on  the  subject. 

"  Oh  Mr.  Square,"  said  she,  "  I  have  the  greatest 
possible  desire  to  ask  you  a  few  questions  in  regard 
to  England.  I  believe  Pall  Mall  is  the  great  centre 
of  the  clubs  in  London,  is  it  not  ?" 

"  Yes,  ma'am,"  replied  Square,  "  there  are  quite  a 
number  of  them  there.  They  frown  like  so  many 
fortresses  on  you,  in  that  part  of  the  metropolis." 

"  And  near  the  extremity  of  the  street  stands 
Marlborough  House,  where  it  is  expected  that  the 
Prince  of  Wales  will  in  time  reside ;  and  at  some 
distance  farther  off  is  Saint  James'  Palace,  where  the 
good  queen  usually  holds  her  drawing  rooms  and 
levees." 

"I  believe  you  are  correct,"  said  Square. 

"  I  suppose  the  palace  of  St.  James  is  a  very 
beautiful  structure,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy. 

"  It  did  not  appear  to  me  to  be  so,"  responded 


374  Giiy  Aver  all. 

the  officer.  ''  My  recollection  of  it  is,  a  somewhat 
clumsy  -looking,  brick  building  ;  in  front  of  which  I 
once  saw  the  usual  guard  mounting,  at  about  ii 
o'clock,  in  the  forenoon  of  a  hot  summer  day.  Still 
the  place,  in  itself,  is  certainly  anything  but  romantic." 

"  The  dear  brick  palace,  before  which  they 
mount  guard  at  ii  o'clock,  how  much  pleasure  it 
would  afford  me  to  see  it !  And  what  a  delightful 
thing  a  levee  or  a  drawing-room  must  be  !  " 

"  It  doubtless  must,  to  those  who  are  interested 
in  such  matters^"  said  Square,  "  for  my  part,  how- 
ever, I  was  never  much  inclined  that  way.  Indeed, 
I  am  such  a  believer  in  the  natural  equality  of  man- 
kind, that  if  the  fact  of  a  presentation  at  court 
would  subject  me  to  the  charge  of  toadyism  to 
those  who  possibly  think  themselves  better  than  me ; 
why  I,  for  one,  would  be  the  very  last  person  to  lay 
myself  open  to  a  charge  of  that  sort.  Like  Lord 
Thurlow,  I  would  say  it  is  necessary  for  the  peers  to 
seek  me,  rather  than  I  the  peerage.  I  consider  the 
upper  classes  of  ^^ngland,  nevertheless,  a  very  useful 
body  of  men,  even  in  spite  of  all  that." 

"  I  am  glad  to  hear  you  talk  in  that  way,"  said 
Mrs.  Daisy,  *'  for  do  you  know  what,  I  am  frequently 
annoyed  and  disgusted,  when  noticing  the  manner 
in  which  our  penny  politicians  are  in  the  habit  of 
constantly  disparaging  every  one  who  is  not  as  com- 
mon-place and  vulgar  as  themselves.  I  was  brought 
up  with  certain  prejudices,  in  favor  of  rank,  as  I  am 
free  to  confess.  My  ancestors,  long  before  the  time 
of  the  Revolution,  were  among  the  best  known  and 
most  aristocratic  people  in  the  city  of  New  York  ; 
indeed,  during  the  time  that  the  Army  under  Sir 


Guy  Ave  mil.  375 

Henry  Clinton  occupied  that  place,  its  officers  were 
always  solicitous  to  be  received  at  my  great-grand- 
father's house,  who  usually  entertained  them  in  a 
truly  magnificent  way," 

"Ah,"  said  Square  with  a  sympathetic  sigh,  "  I 
understand  now  the  true  state  of  the  case.  Your 
great-grandfather  was  one  of  those  unfortunate 
Tories  I  presume." 

"  No,  I  do  not  wish  to  be  understood  as  quite 
conveying  that  notion,"  was  the  reply,  "for  as  far 
as  the  Ivories  are  concerned,  I  utterly  despise  them. 
But  something,  as  you  probably  are  aware,  is  due  to 
those  venerable  old  associations  on  which  we  fondly 
doat  ;  and  such  was  the  position  of  my  great-grand- 
father, under  the  colonial  regime,  that  he  could  not 
refuse  certain  civilities  to  the  representatives  of 
British  rule ;  although  at  bottom,  I  believe,  a  more 
sincere  or  true-hearted  patriot  than  he,  probably 
never  existed." 

Here  the  conversation  ended,  and  the  officer 
kept  wondering  at  the  warped  ideas  of  Mrs.  Daisy 
on  almost  every  subject  she  mentioned.  "  What  a 
woman  this  is,"  said  he  to  himself,  "  and  to  how 
many  false  criticisms  such  a  person  as  she  is,  must 
subject  the  better  disposed  and  more  sensible  ladies 
of  the  Army.  Yes,  yes,  take  him  all  in  all,  man  is 
an  exceedingly  peverse  animal.  The  good  and  the 
bad  are  both  equally  open  to  the  gaze  of  the  world; 
but  individuals  and  communities  are  almost  sure  to 
be  judged  by  their  defects,  rather  than  by  the  pos- 
session of  the  opposite  qualities.  A  stranger  who 
should  hear  the  Brigadier  talk,  would  form  a  very 
queer  opinion  of   the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery;    yet 


376  Guy  Aver  all. 

surely  the  great  majority  of  the  ladies  of  the  Army 
are  women  of  genuine  merit,  and  not  fools  and 
pretenders  like  Mrs.  Daisy. 

VII. 

Without  being  very  much  disconcerted,  how- 
ever, by  the  oddities  of  the  Brigadier,  Lieutenant 
Square  continued  to  visit  Head  Quarters  now  and 
then  as  if  for  the  purpose  of  whiling  away  his  time, 
and  making  himself  as  agreeable  as  possible  to  its 
various  inmates.  Sometimes  he  and  Mrs.  Daisy 
occupied  themselves  in  playing  a  game  of  chess; 
sometimes  Miss  Eleanor  gave  those  present  a  little 
music  on  the  piano,  anon  the  old  Major  would  recite 
some  of  those  time-honored  legends  about  the  con- 
duct of  the  Indians,  during  the  first  Florida  war, 
as  for  instance,  how  Mr.  Bowlegs,  on  one  occasion, 
professed  a  great  desire  of  peace,  and  even  persuad- 
ed General  Harney,  then  stationed  on  the  Caloosa- 
hatchie,  to  send  away  the  boats  belonging  to  his 
command,  so  as  to  receive  some  of  the  Seminoles  on 
the  opposite  side  of  the  river  ;  and  while  the  camp 
was  thus  depleted  of  men,  the  crafty  old  savage,  who 
had  collected  all  his  braves  for  the  purpose,  nmde  an 
attack  on  the  place,  and  commenced  slaughtering 
the  soldiers  within  his  reach,  so  that  Harney  only 
escaped  by  taking  to  the  swamps,  clothed  as  he  was 
in  a  pair  of  old  drawers  and  a  night  shirt.  At  Avhich 
rather  ridiculous  denouement  the  Major,  although 
relating  the  story  for  the  fifteenth  time,  would 
laugh  most  heartily.  And  to  tell  the  truth,  Lieuten- 
ant Squire  was  sometimes  obliged  to  laugh  quite 
heartily  too,  not  on  account  of  there  having  been 


Guy  Aver  all.  377 

anything  said  that  was  so  very  remarkable,  but  solely 
on  account  of  the  persistency  with  which  the  same 
identical  story  was  repeated. 

A  well  timed  compliment  paid  now  and  then  to 
Mrs.  Daisy,  served  to  put  that  lady  in  excessively 
good  humor,  and  as  a  consequence  of  his  politeness, 
Lieutenant  Square  had  permission  to  take  Miss 
Eleanor  out,  whenever  he  liked,  and  to  chat  and 
ramble  with  her,  not  only  around  the  brick  covered 
ramparts  of  the  Fort ;  but  also  in  every  other  place 
in  the  vicinity.  What  words  passed  between  the 
officer  and  Miss  Davis,  on  these  occasions,  we  have 
not  the  means  of  telling,  but  one  fact  was  clearly 
apparent — they  both  seemed  to  enjoy  these  rambles, 
and  laughed  and  chatted  together,  as  if  in  default  of 
more  serious  occupation.  The  only  possible  excep- 
tion that  can  be  taken  to  all  this  was  the  somewhat 
unseemly  levity  on  the  part  of  a  man  like  Square  ; 
who,  as  every  one  in  the  Fort  well  knew,  was  now 
bound  to  propriety  by  ties  of  a  more  than  ordinary 
nature.  But  here  are  some  extracts  from  a  diary 
which  Miss  Eleanor  kept  at  this  time ;  extracts  which 
may  possibly  indicate  the  cause  of  Lieutenant  Square's 
course ;  and  show  also  how  far  he  allowed  his  natural 
bonhomie  to  carry  him  beyond  those  boundaries 
which  prudence  seemed  to  prescribe  for  a  person  in 
his  circumstances. 

November  21st.  A  wet,  unpleasant  morning. 
The  rain  kept  descending  from  the  sky  in  a  con- 
tinual pour,  a  big  puddle  of  water  is  formed  in  front 
of  our  quarters,  while  the  half  dozen  chickens  which 
constitute  the  poultry  family,  in  Major  Daisy's  estab- 
lishment,  are  huddled   together,   in  forlorn  looking 


37S  Guy  Averall. 

attitude,  under  the  wood  shed.  Attended  as  usual 
to  my  customary  task — drumming  a  little  French  into 
the  head  of  my  worthy  cousin.  I  really  now  have 
achieved  a  success,  for  after  an  effort  of  a  couple  of 
years,  I  have"  succeeded  in  getting  him  through  the 
forms  of  the  two  principal  auxiliary  verbs,  without 
his  committing  any  very  extravagant  blunder.  In 
the  evening,  Mr.  Square  came  round  and  made  a 
call.  Brought  a  copy  of  Hazlett's  Essays  with  him, 
and  showed  us  also  a  few  pencil  sketches  he  had 
made  the  day  previous.  During  his  visit  Mrs.  Daisy 
took  occasion  to  ask  what  the  name  of  that  heathen 
god,  who  descended  from  the  celestial  abodes  in  the 
shape  of  a  golden  shower,  when  Square  told  her  it 
was  Jupiter  and  gave  the  story  embraced  in  the 
legend.  I  wonder  if  the  officer  is  supplied  with  a 
duplicate  of  that  wonderful  present  which  aunt  once 
made  me — I  refer,  of  course,  to  Lempriere's  Classical 
Dictionary.  Still,  I  admire  the  thirst  for  information 
possessed  by  my  aunt;  and  only  regret  that  ladies 
generally  do  not  improve  their  time  in  the  way  she 
does. 

2  2.  Had  a  stroll  with  Mr.  Square  along  the 
beach  which  extends  north  and  south  from  the  Fort, 
and  which  is  used  as  a  promenade  by  most  of  the 
people  who  live  on  the  Island.  Rather  enjoyed  the 
walk,  for  the  officer  rehearsed,  in  a  somewhat  amus- 
ing manner,  a  number  of  his  West  Point  experiences; 
and  in  particular  how  his  instructor  in  Cavalry  Tac- 
tics, a  certain  formidable  personage,  Major  Billings 
by  name,  made  him  **  cut  heads  "  in  the  riding  hall. 
It  seems  that  the  cadets  at  the  Academy  are  not,  at 
heart,   one  whit  more  respectful  to  their  superiors, 


Guy  Aver  all.  379 

than  are  some  of  the  soldiers  in  garrison;  but  the 
rigid  discipline  enforced  in  both  places  served  to 
keep  all  within  the  bounds  of  decorum.  Some  of 
the  ballads  and  songs  which  I  have  seen,  and  which 
are  said  to  emanate  from  the  young  men  at  that  insti- 
tution, are  very  amusing  in  their  way;  and  if  col- 
lected together  in  a  permanent  form  would  make  a 
very  interesting  compendium.  On  returning  from 
our  rambles  the  officer  was  pleased  to  pay  Mrs.  Daisy 
a  compliment  which  the  latter  evidently  took  in  good 
part.  Finding  her  out  in  the  garden,  with  a  pair  of 
scissors  in  her  hand,  clipping  some  of  the  dead 
leaves  off  her  flowers,  Mr.  Square  remarked  that 
whenever  he  saw  Mrs.  Daisy  occupied  in  that  way, 
he  always  thought  of  the  burden  of  a  popular  song, 
which  Avas  neither  more  nor  less  than  "  love  among 
the  roses."  Aunt  immediately  laughed  at  this  sally, 
and  afterwards  told  me  that,  in  her  opinion,  Mr. 
Square  was  one  of  the  most  polite  gentlemen  she  ever 
had  met  in  the  whole  course  of  her  existence. 

25th.  While  rambling  out  with  my  escort  this 
afternoon,  the  subject  of  novel  reading  was  intro- 
duced, and  incidentally  it  was  noticed  that  most 
words  depended  on  one  theme,  the  passion  of  love, 
to  give  them  interest.  To  which  observation  I  hap- 
pened to  reply,  that  if  love  were  altogether  omitted 
in  a  novel,  most  readers  would  undoubtedly  consider 
it  a  very  tame  production.  To  this  the  officer  made 
answer,  that  talk  as  we  would,  love  in  itself  was  cer- 
tainly not  a  silly  theme;  its  universality  indeed 
proved  quite  the  contrary.  What  he  objected  to  in 
most  novels  was  this,  that  they  gave  false  views  of 
life,    and    as   a   consequence  they   sometimes   made 


380  Guy  Ave  rail. 

young  people  discontented  with  their  present  condi- 
tion. I  suppose  what  was  then  said  is  true,  although 
even  if  I  read  an  occasional  novel,  I  hope  I  am  not 
discontented  with  mine.  Some  fictions,  in  my 
opinion,  teach  a  very  noble  purpose — who  is  there, 
for  instance,  that  does  not  admire  the  conduct  of 
Jeanie  Deans,  who  cannot  be  tempted  to  tell  an  un- 
truth, even  for  the  sake  of  saving  the  life  of  her 
sister.  I  think  there  is  something  truly  splendid  in 
this  heroism,  exhibited  as  it  is  by  a  person  in  humble 
life. 

30th.  Have  made  an  important  discovery.  For 
some  reason  or  other  aunt  is  very  much  afraid  of 
Captain  Triangle  of  the  Topographical  Engineers, 
who  has  lately  been  ordered  from  New  York  city  to 
this  place.  This  evening  she  introduced  his  name, 
and  said  she  "loved  him  very  much,"  but  at  the 
same  time  regretted  that  the  "  family  connection  "  of 
Captain  Triangle  should  be  so  very  indifferent.  But 
Lieutenant  Square,  who  was  present,  chose  to  take 
up  the  cudgels  for  his  friend,  and  said  he  never 
understood  that  the  family  connections  of  Triangle 
were  indifferent;  and  even  supposing  such  to  be  the 
case,  he  hoped  we  were  sufficiently  independent  in 
the  Army  to  value  a  man  for  his  own  sake,  rather 
than  for  the  sake  of  his  relatives.  My  aunt  seeing 
the  tone  which  the  officer  chose  to  adopt,  appeared  to 
agree  with  him  perfectly.  I  wonder,  though,  what  can 
be  the  objection  of  Mrs.  Daisy  to  the  antecedents  of 
the  person  whose  name  she  had  mentioned!  Can  it 
be  possible  that  Triangle  has  neglected  to  pay  the 
wife  of  the  commandant  at  Fort  Moultrie  the  proper 
modicum  of  compliments  t     Or  on  the  other  hand  is 


Guy  Aver  all.  381 

she  apprehensive  that  the  topographical  official 
should  prove  somewhat  too  attentive  to  this  poor  and 
unfortunate  me  ? 

Dec.  3.  This  being  a  rather  unpleasant  day,  and 
having  nothing  in  particular  to  do,  I  sat  down  and 
glanced  over  Madam  de  Stael's  work  on  Germany. 
Without  professing  to  be  able  to  give  an  opinion  of 
the  book,  as  a  work  of  information,  I  can  admire, 
nevertheless,  the  genuine  love  of  freedom  evinced 
therein,  and  can  readily  conceive  how  the  writer 
should  be  hated  very  cordially  by  such  a  despotic 
tyrant  as  Napoleon.  It  is  often  said  by  those  who 
sneer  at  the  better  half  of  creation,  that  woman  can- 
not generalize ;  but  does  not  the  existence  of  such  a 
book,  as  the  one  I  have  been  reading  prove  quite  the 
contrary  ?  And  yet,  after  all,  such  a  woman  as 
Madam  de  Stael  is  almost  sure  to  be  anything  rather 
than  a  favorite  with  persons  of  her  own  sex.  She 
was  undoubtedly  looked  on,  during  her  day,  as  a 
noisy  demonstrative  talker ;  and  as  such  was  con- 
demned by  what  was  then  known  as  "  society." 
Woman,  as  a  general  thing,  admire  gracefulness, 
delicacy  and  a  regard  for  the  proprieties  of  life  ;  and 
always  account  it  much  safer  in  their  sisters  to  re- 
main becoming,  and  even  commonplace,  rather  than 
attempt  or  say  anything  which  has  the  appearance  of 
being  unconventional. 

4th.  To-day  I  heard  of  a  very  contemptible  act  on 
the  part  of  that  elegant  little  gentleman.  Lieutenant 
Taper,  an  officer  who  notwithstanding  his  dandified 
ways,  I  never  saw  much  cause  to  admire.  In  spite 
of  his  constant  bragging  about  his  fine  connections, 
his  origin  is  really  very  unpretending,  although  that 


382  Guy  Aver  all. 

circumstance  is  certainly  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of, 
but  rather  the  contrary,  and  is  anything  but  a  reason 
why  he  should  turn  his  back  on  his  best  friend. 
Such,  however,  is  reported  to  be  the  case,  for  some 
time  ago,  when  stationed  at  West  Point,  a  plain, 
although  a  very  decent-looking  woman,  called  there, 
and  asked  for  Lieutenant  Taper,  and  when  some  per- 
son enquired  who  the  visitor  was,  the  contemptible 
little  fellow  chose  to  say,  "  a  woman  he  once  boarded 
with  !"  Boarded  with  !  I  imagine  he  did,  for  the 
visitor  was  neither  more  nor  less  than  his  own  mother! 
If  Mr.  Taper  only  knew  how  much  he  has  lessened 
himself,  by  this  affair,  in  the  estimation  of  his  best 
friends,  he  certainly  would  never  have  committed 
this  faux  pas.  But  noblesse  oblige,  I  am  afraid,  in 
many  cases,  is  a  very  poor  rule  of  conduct. 

6th.  Felt  somewhat  dispirited  to-day,  for  Hector, 
somehow  or  other  seemed  determined  to  give  me  a 
good  deal  of  trouble.  Some  time  ago,  I  congratu- 
lated myself  in  having  him  thoroughly  grounded  in 
the  forms  of  avoir  and  etre,  but  to-day  he  returned  to 
one  of  his  old  errors,  and  would  insist  \}s\:x.\.f  avals  eu 
signified  "  I  had  been."  My  cousin  has  curious 
humors,  take  him  all  in  all.  The  other  afternoon 
while  I  was  absent  in  the  city,  he  amused  himself  by 
taking  the  lock  of  my  trunk  to  pieces,  and  scattering 
the  works  here  and  there  over  the  house,  so  that  I 
had  to  employ  a  soldier  to  put  them  together  once 
more.  Still  I  must  exercise  my  patience  with  the  boy 
as  well  as  I  can,  although  at  times  this  is  somewhat 
difficult.  Yesterday  he  informed  me  that  when  he 
grew  up  he  intended  to  turn  pirate — that  a  pirate 
had  nothing  to  do  but  to   go  aboard  a  vessel,  and 


Guy  Aver  all.  3^3' 

sail  on  the  seas,  and  capture  ships,  with  rich  ladies 
on  them,  who  would  fall  in  love  with  him  immedi- 
ately, and  this  to  Hector  is  the  acme  of  felicity. 

7th.  To-day  while  walking  out  with  Mr.  Square,  he 
made  a  somewhat  strange  announcement.  He  said 
Mrs.  Daisy  was  constantly  questioning  him  about  his 
cousin  in  New  York,  and  asking  when  he  intended 
bringing  her  down  to  Fort  Moultrie;  but  in  spite 
of  aunt's  belief  to  the  contrary,  he  did  not  know  if 
he  should  bring  his  cousin  to  Fort  Moultrie  at  all. 
And  then,  after  a  pause,  he  added  that  if  he  could 
fmd  some  one  whom  he  liked,  and  who  would  not 
feel  dissatisfied  with  the  haphazard  existence  one 
leads  in  the  Army,  he  would  set  up  his  household 
gods  without  delay.  I  could  not  take  the  thing  to 
myself;  and  consequently  felt  somewhat  at  a  loss  in 
regard  to  a  reply  ;  for  the  observation,  which  seemed 
to  have  a  purpose  in  it,  came  to  me  very  unexpect- 
edly. I  only  know  this  much,  that  during  the  re- 
maining half  hour  of  our  ramble  we  spoke  to  each 
other  with  less  freedom  than  before ;  and  as  to  any 
attempt  at  pleasantry,  the  thing  had  vanished.  As 
to  Lieutenant  Square,  he  undoubtedly  has  my  good 
will  and  respect ;  for  every  one  acknowledges  that  a 
more  high-minded  and  honorable  man  does  not  exist 
in  the  service.  But  it  would  ill  become  me  as  a 
woman,  and  I  trust  as  a  friend,  to  do  or  say  anything 
under  present  circumstances,  which  would  influence 
his  course  of  action  in  any  way. 

VIII. 

For  some  time  after  the  events  recorded  in  the 
the  foregoing  chapter,  the  life  of  the  various  residents 


384  Guy  Ava-all. 

at  Fort  Moultrie  glided  along  without  any  very  great 
change.  But  at  length  a  circumstance  took  place 
'which  seemed  to  modify  the  bearing  of  Lieutenant 
Square  and  Miss  Davis  toward  each  other.  This 
was  the  removal  of  the  famous  Triangle  from  Charles- 
ton Harbor;  an  event  which  relieved  Mrs.  Daisy 
of  a  portion,  at  least,  of  her  fears.  Triangle  was 
gone,  therefore  there  was  no  danger  of  Mrs.  Daisy 
being  deprived  of  the  services  of  her  "assistant,"  at 
least  for  the  present.  So  the  preparation  for  the 
great  European  jaunt  proceeded  as  heretofore,  and 
Mrs.  Daisy  even  talked  of  taking  a  few  lessons  from 
a  dancing-master,  who  gave  instructions  in  the  Polo- 
naise, as  a  needful  requisite  for  a  person  whose 
great  aim,  at  present,  was  to  cut  a  proper  figure 
among  the  crowned  heads  and  other  dignitaries  of 
the  old  continent.  But  at  this  instant,  a  strange 
suspicion  entered  the  mind  of  the  gallant  Brigadier, 
What  if  Lieutenant  Square  had  some  sinister  design 
in  showing  so  much  attention  as  of  late  was  mani- 
fested to  Miss  Eleanor.?  Was  it  proper  that  an 
officer  who  was  just  on  the  point  of  getting  married, 
should  carry  on  this  unseemly  flirtation  with  any  one 
but  \\\s  fiancee !  Or  again,  might  not  Lieutenant 
Square  also  be  in  want  of  an  "assistant"  to  his 
future  wife  ;  and  knowing  Miss  Davis  to  be  a  useful 
personage,  might  he  not  have  a  place  for  her  in  this 
capacity  }  Yes,  yes,  that  was  the  clue  ;  Spruce  was 
to  be  married  before  long,  and  Miss  Davis  was  to  be 
a  governess  in  his  family.  On  reflecting  on  this 
subject,  Mrs.  Daisy  became  convinced  that  both 
Square  and  Miss  Eleanor  deserved  to  be  watched. 
And  sure  enough,  before  long  the  good  and  amiable 


Guy  Aver  all.  385 

feminine  who  presided  over  the  affairs  of  the  garrison 
at  Fort  Moultrie,  saw  enough  to  confirm  her  worst 
suspicions.  Lieutenant  Square  and  Miss  Davis  were 
approaching  the  Major's  quarters  that  very  afternoon  ; 
tlie  one  looked  very  grave,  and  the  other  was  evi- 
dently urging  some  matter  on  the  attention  of  his 
associate  for  the  time  being.  This  circumstance  was 
enough  to  determine  Mrs.  Daisy.  So  that  very  same 
evening  the  astonished  officer  was  hurried  out  of 
Head  Quarters,  on  some  flimsy  pretext  or  other,  in 
the  same  way  that  Blodgett  had  formerly  been  dis- 
carded, while  Miss  Davis,  for  the  future,  was  forbid- 
den to  take  any  more  strolls  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
Fort,  and  in  short,  was  relegated,  once  more,  to  her 
ordinary  duties  with  the  noble  Hector,  as  the  proper 
subject  of  her  keeping, 

A  few  days  after  this  event,  spite  of  Mrs.  Daisy's 
restriction,  the  Lieutenant  and  Miss  Davis  again  met, 
when  the  former  took  occasion  to  denounce  the 
Brigadier  in  the  most  unmeasured  terms.  "  With 
all  due  respect  to  your  aunt,"  was  his  exclamation, 
"  I  think  her  treatment  both  of  you  and  also  of  mj- 
self,  is  simply  outrageous.  That  woman  is  nothing 
more  than  a  coarse  overbearing  tyrant,  and  if  I  were 
situated  the  same  way  Miss  Davis  now  is,  I  would 
not  submit  to  her  imposition,  no  not  for  a  single 
hour."  But  Miss  Eleanor  with  that  feminine  regard 
for  the  proprieties  of  life  which  seemed  inherent  in 
her  as  a  woman,  simply  shook  her  head  as  if  she  had 
no  other  alternative  than  to  submit  to  her  aunt's 
dictation,  and  then  quietly  walked  home  again. 

This  conduct,  on  the  part  of  Miss  Davis,  served 
to  arouse  the  indignation  of  the  bard  Hogan  ;  who 


3  "6  Guy  Aver  all. 

of  course,  heard  the  whole  story,  on  kitchen  authori- 
ty, almost  as  soon  as  it  happened,  and  who  could  not 
understand  those  delicate  scruples  which  prevented 
Miss  Eleanor  from  acceeding  to  the  Lieutenant's  prop- 
osition, no  matter  what  the  nature  of  this  proposition 
might  be.  "  With  all  her  piano  playing  accomplish- 
ments and  pretty  looks,"  said  the  bard,  "I  humbly 
give  it  as  my  opinion  that  the  girl  has  no  common 
sense,  else  she  would  accede  at  once  to  Squares'  propo- 
sal, for  the  latter  is  too  honorable  a  man,  as  every 
enlisted  soldier  well  knows,  to  offer  anything  to  Miss 
Eleanor  that  the  latter  could  not  with  safety  accept. 
And  yet,  forsooth,  on  account  of  some  whimsical  no- 
tion of  her  own,  the  lady  cliooses  to  disregard  the  offer 
of  a  man,  who  wishes  to  be  her  husband.  She  will 
never  meet  with  a  better  protector  than  Square,  no 
not  if  she  should  search  the  universe." 

"Yes,"  said  his  companion,  who  for  the  nonce 
happened  to  be  old  Moldwell,  "but  perhaps  Miss 
Davis  does  not  like  to  give  people  occasion  to  talk — 
women,  you  know,  are  somewhat  sensitive  in  that 
way." 

"  Talk  be  hanged,"  was  the  rejoinder,  "  why  need 
Miss  Eleanor  care  particularly  about  what  people 
may  say.  All  she  need  care  about  is  to  get  out  of 
old  Jezebel's  clutches  as  soon  as  possible;  and  pro- 
vided this  is  attained,  why  Mrs.  Grundy  may  talk  as 
much  as  she  pleases." 

"  Yes,"  said  Moldwell,  "  but  are  there  not  such 
things  as  objections  on  another  score.  Supposing 
that  the  proposition  of  Lieutenant  Square  were  a 
runaway  match,  or  something  else  that  Madam 
Grundy  might  not  approve,  would  it  be  consistent 


Guy  Aver  alii.  387 

with   a  proper  sense  of  dignity  for  Miss  Eleanor  to 
accept  it  ?" 

"  Dignity  be  hanged,"  said  the  bard,  "  who  in  the 
world  should  care  about  dignity  when  dealing  with 
such  a  selfish  old  blood-sucker  as  the  aunt  is.  No  sir, 
I'll  tell  you  what  the  final  issue  of  this  whole  affair 
will  be.  The  occasion  will  pass;  Lieutenant  Square, 
who  is  now  indignant  with  the  vice-commandant,  will 
suffer  his  resentment  to  cool;  Miss  Eleanor  will  still 
adhere  to  her  prim,  prudish  ways;  the  officer,  no 
matter  how  intent  on  matrimony,  just  now,  will  get 
tired  of  delay;  some  new  whim  will  take  his  fancy; 
and  then  as  a  final  result,  Miss  Eleanor  will  be 
obliged  to  submit  once  more  to  her  unthankful  task- 
mistress,  who  will  lord  it  over  her  supremely  from 
morning  to  night,  and  from  night  to  morning,  just  as 
long  as  she  lives.  Yes  sir,  that  will  be  the  whole  end 
of  the  business — the  whole  end  of  the  business." 

IX. 

From  the  dire  catastrophe  which  Hogan  pre- 
dicted, Miss  Eleanor  was  nevertheless  saved  by  a 
fortunate  event.  Some  resolute  Jenkins  or  other 
who  was  prowling  around  the  city  of  Charleston  for 
news,  accidentally  got  hold  of  the  fact  that  Square 
was  reported  as  about  to  be  married,  so  availing 
himself  of  the  circumstance  he  wrote  a  very  elab- 
orate account  of  the  bridegroom  and  bride,  sent  the 
letter  to  the  leading  journal  of  fashion,  the  New 
York  HeralJy  where  it  was  duly  printed,  and  in  time 
was  read  by  every  officer  and  enlisted  man  at  the 
Fort.  The  article  served  to  throw  the  old  Brigadier 
completely  off  her  guard,  for  it  distinctly  stated  that 


3S8  Guy  At^erall. 

the  future  Mrs.  Square  was  not  only  quite  wealthy 
but  was  also  one  of  the  most  practical  women  in  the 
city  of  New  York,  and  as  to  this  thing  of  having  an 
"assistant"  in  the  management  of  her  domestic 
affairs,  she  utterly  spurned  the  idea.  This  statement 
on  the  part  of  the  correspondent  served  to  satisfy 
Mrs.  Daisy,  she  saw  in  an  instant  that  there  was  not 
the  slightest  danger  of  losing  Miss  Eleanor  through 
the  agency  of  Square,  so  she  resolved  accordingly 
to  dismiss  any  unjust  suspicions  that  she  heretofore 
had  entertained  against  that  officer,  and  hold  out  the 
olive  branch  the  very  first  time  she  met  him.  It  was 
not  long  before  the  occasion  was  presented,  for  that 
very  afternoon  she  came  across  Square,  who  was 
strolling  out  by  himself  in  the  vicinity  of  the  Fort. 
■'My  dear  good  gentleman,"  was  the  exclamation  of 
Mrs.  Daisy,  almost  before  the  officer  had  time  to  re- 
turn her  bow  of  recognition.  "  I  am  so  very  glad 
indeed  to  meet  you.  But  why  do  you  look  so  dis- 
consolate.?  In  love,  that  is  very  evident!  And  how 
is  it  that  you  do  not  come  over  and  see  us  now  and 
then  at  Headquarters  }  Why  both  I  and  the  Major 
will  be  delighted  to  see  you;  and  Eleanor,  the  dear 
child,  who  always  seems  so  willing  to  oblige,  will 
give  you  a  little  music  whenever  you  like."  And 
thus,  in  spite  of  his  protestations,  the  Lieutenant  was 
installed  in  favor  with  Mrs.  Daisy  once  more;  and 
on  visiting  his  old  post  he  had  the  satisfaction  of 
answering,  at  large,  such  quebtions  as  the  amiable 
Brigadier  propounded,  and  hearing,  in  addition,  that 
famous  story  about  Mr.  Bowlegs  and  General  Har- 
ney, just  as  if  nothing  had  happened. 

One  day,  about  three  or  four  weeks  after  the  pre- 


Guy  Averall.  389 

ceeding  events,  a  party  consisting  of  the  officers  and 
ladies  belonging  to  the  Fort,  were  proceeding  as 
usual  in  an  open  boat,  between  the  garrison  and 
Charleston  ;  when  Mrs.  Daisy  who  had  already  ex- 
hausted the  city  of  London,  in  her  numerous  dis- 
cussions, next  resolved  to  invade  the  city  of  Paris. 

"  What  a  superb  place,  the  chateau  of  the  Tuile- 
ries  must  be  !"  exclaimed  the  lady,  as  if  for  the  pur- 
l^ose  of  eliciting  some  remark,  from  some  one  of  the 
officers  then  in  the  boat, 

"  Yes,  certainly,"  replied  Square  who  happened 
to  be  present.  *'  Some  of  the  architects,  at  least, 
who  have  been  employed  on  that  edifice,  have  en- 
joyed considerable  reputation.  It  is  a  very  different 
building  from  Saint  James'  I  assure  you." 

"And  on  one  side  of  the  Tuileries,"  continued 
the  Brigadier,  "  runs  that  famous  Rue  de  Rivoli,  of 
which  we  have  all  heard  so  much." 

"  As  usual.  Madam,  you  are  perfectly  coTrect," 
responded  Square. 

"  The  dear  Rue  de  Rivoli !"  exclaimed  Mrs. 
Daisy.  "  How  I  should  like  to  to  wander  along  its 
arcades,  and  view  the  tasteful  treasures  that  are  ex- 
hibited in  its  magasins  and  boutiques." 

"  That  surely  would  be  delightful,"  said  the 
officer. 

"  Then  west  of  the  chateau,  as  I  understand  it, 
is  situated  the  garden  of  the  Tuileries  ;  and  beyond 
it  we  have  the  Place  de  la  Concorde  ;  and  after  the 
latter  comes  the  Champs  Elysees,  the  usual  place  of 
promenade  for  the  Parisians." 

"  Your  notion  of  the  situation  of  those  localities 
is  perfectly  accurate,"  rejoined  Square. 


39°  Guy  AveralL 

"The  dear  Champs  Elysees!"  exclaimed  the 
lady.  "What  a  romance  there  is  in  its  winding 
paths  !  I  already  imagine  myself  mingling  among  the 
crowd,  who  frequent  its  sequestered  shades." 

"Yes,  Madam;  or  perchance  you  might  hear 
Partant  pour  la  Syrte,  in  a  cafe  chantant,  although 
that  is  not  '  aristocratic  ' ;  or  listen  to  the  music  at 
the  Concert  Musard,  which  is  as  fashionable  a  place 
as  possibly  can  be  desired," 

"  The  dear  Concert  Musard  !  I  hope  the  time 
may  arrive  when  I  can  harken  to  the  ravishing 
strains  which  float  on  its  air — that  is  to  say  under 
the  favor  of  the  AVar  Department,  and  my  own  good 
Tom." 

"  I  hope  so,  too,  Mrs.  Dais}^"  said  the  officer, 
*'  Nothing  like  trusting  in  Providence.  AVhenever 
the  War  Department  and  Major  Daisy  prove  pro- 
pitious, I  hope  those  of  us  who  visit  Paris  may  have 
an  agreeable  time." 

"  I  anticipate  as  much,"  rejoined  the  Brigadier. 
"  I  have  always  been  predisposed  toward  French- 
men, and  if  I  were  in  the  chief  city  of  that  country, 
I  should  certainly  feel  assured  of  much  pleasure,  if 
I  only  had  such  an  excellent  guide  and  instructor  as 
you." 

"  Oh  Mrs.  Daisy  !"  exclaimed  Square.  "  You 
are  pleased  to  compliment  me.  I  am  somewhat 
afraid  I  hardly  deserve  so  much." 

"  On  the  contrary,  I  cannot  imagine  anything 
more  delightful  than  to  examine  Paris  under  your 
auspices,"  responded  the  Brigadier.  "  You  have  not 
made  your  application  for  a  leave  yet,  I  suppose,  but 
I'm  sure  if  you  put  the  thing  in  proper  form,  the 


Guy  Averall.  391 

War  Department  will  be  perfectly  willing  to  grant 
you  that  indulgence,  at  the  same  time  Major  Daisy 
is  allowed  his," 

"  And  perhaps  on  the  other  hand  the  War  De- 
partment might  deny  the  favor,"  responded  Square. 
"Oh,  no,  that  is  impossible,"  exclaimed  Mrs. 
Daisy.  "  Such  a  highly  deserving  officer  as  you, 
must  certainly  secure  such  a  trifling  favor  without  a 
moments  delay.  But  apropos,  I  have  one  observation 
to  make  in  regard  to  France.  I  think  the  Emperor 
Napoleon  a  very  great  man.  He  seems  so  success- 
ful in  everything  he  has  undertaken,  ever  since  he 
ascended  the  French  throne." 

"  In  a  certain  way  he  undoubtedly  has  succeeded," 
responded  Square.  "  Under  his  rule  France  has 
remained  quiet,  and  that  is  saying  a  great  deal  ;  and 
in  addition  he  has  shown  himself  to  be  a  person  of 
capacity,  as  far  as  the  development  of  the  resources 
of  the  Empire  are  concerned,  and  that  is  still  another 
point  in  his  favor." 

"I  am  glad  to  hear  you  speak  in  that  way," 
replied  Mrs.  Daisy,  "  for  do  you  know  what,  I  have 
frequently  been  annoyed  and  grieved  to  notice  how 
some  persons  attempt  to  belittle  and  disparage  that 
dear  good  Louis  trots  whenever  they  speak  of  him. 
To  me  that  sort  of  thing  seems  pitiful  indeed." 

"  Yes,"  responded  the  other,  "  but,  Mrs.  Daisy,  let 
me  ask  one  question.  Has  not  the  French  Emperor, 
by  his  conduct,  laid  himself  liable  to  these  disparag- 
ing remarks.^  When  he  was  elected  President,  he 
had  a  grand  opportunity  of  showing  himself  a  friend 
of  that  constitutional  freedom  which  the  best  minds 
of  the  age  recognize  as  the  natural  development  of 


39  2  Guy  Aver  all. 

this  century.  But  instead  of  doing  so,  instead  of 
showing  himself  to  be  a  Washington  or  Henry  the 
Fourth,  Louis  Napoleon,  like  a  true  Bonaparte  availed 
himself  of  the  position  he  held,  to  gratify  his  own 
selfish  ends.  The  circumstances  connected  with  his 
famous  coup  d'  etat  are  odious  and  in  fact  infamous, 
and  it  will  be  very  difficult  to  convince  thinking 
people,  either  in  Europe  or  America,  that  the  French 
Emperor  is  a  far  seeing,  much  less  an  honest  man." 

"  I'm  sure  I  know  nothing  of  the  matter  of  which 
you  speak,"  said  Mrs.  Daisy,  with  a  distressed  look, 
"  I'm  sure  I  know  nothing  about  it  at  all ;  in  fact  I 
was  never  able  to  look  at  political  economy  or  that 
sort  of  matter,  in  anything  approaching  a  metaphysi- 
cal way.  Indeed  I  have  nothing  but  my  own  heart 
and  affections  to  guide  me,  when  I  think  of  so  exalted 
a  personage  as  the  occupant  of  a  throne.  We  all 
know,  however,  that  the  French  people  have  never 
been  able  to  govern  themselves,  and  as  a  natural 
consequence  have  always  been  obliged  to  submit  to 
some  self-imposed  master.  That  single  fact  seems 
to  me  to  be  an  all-sufficient  reason  why  the  Emperor 
should  be  supported  in  his  place.  In  addition  to 
all  this,  I  have,  as  I  remarked  before,  a  very  deep 
affection  for  that  dear  child,  the  Empress,  whom  I 
love  very  much,  and  I'm  sure  as  a  mother  myself,  I 
may  be  allowed  to  say  that  1  hope  the  young  Louis 
Napoleon,  now  eighteen  months  old,  may  eventually 
inherit  all  the  power  and  prerogatives  of  his  sire." 

"  Why  aunt,"  exclaimed  Miss  Davis,  who  could 
not  help  depreciating  the  insane  admiration  which 
her.  relative  exhibited  for  persons  with  hereditary 
titles, '■  how  can  you  speak   in  that  ridiculous  way, 


Guy  Ave  rail.  393 

why  one  would    almost   imagine   you  were  not   an 
American  at  all." 

Now  Mrs.  Daisy  was  a  truly  elegant  and  aristo- 
cratic woman  ;  a  little  loud,  perhaps,  in  her  manners 
and  way  of  thinking,  but  such  presumptuous  inso- 
lence as  was  indicated  by  this  speech  of  Miss  Davis, 
was  simply  more  than  she  could  endure.  She  ac- 
cordingly resolved  to  give  the  latter  a  good  setting 
down,  and  as  a  necessary  preliminary  to  this  business, 
the  gallant  Brigadier  drew  herself  up  to  a  command- 
ing height. 

"  Miss  Davis,"  said  she,  "  you  entirely  forget 
yourself,  I  was  speaking  to  Mr.  Square,  not  to  you, 
when  you  saw  fit  to  interrupt  me.  Any  remark  you 
made,  under  the  circumstances  was  uncalled  for,  and 
entirely  out  of  place,  and  I  have  only  to  beg,  that  in 
the  future  you  will  confine  yourself  to  such  matters 
as  are  within  the  proper  sphere  of  your  duty." 

*'  I  shall  endeavor  to  do  so,"  said  Miss  Davis,  who 
at  the  same  time  bit  her  lip,  lest  some  unguarded 
expression  should  escape  her.     "I'll  strive  and  ob- 
serve a  discreet  silence  as  long  as  I  possibly  can." 
***** 

Miss  Davis  had  heretofore  been  snubbed  pretty 
frequently  ;  but  her  aunt  unfortunately  attempted 
that  manoeuvre  a  little  too  often  that  day  ;  for  before 
very  long  a  very  important  event  transpired  in  the 
quarters  occupied  by  the  commandant.  That  even- 
ing his  amiable  spouse  was  there,  arrayed  in  most 
resplendent  style,  while  on  one  side  of  her  stood 
Hector,  the  invincible,  who  wore  on  this  occasion,  a 
truly  commanding  look.  After  a  while  Mr.  Square 
was  announced,  and  Mrs.  Daisy,  who  had  been  read- 


394  ^^y  -Overall. 

ing  both  history  and  biography  that  afternoon,  chose 
to  dilate  on  the  character  of  OHver  Cromwell  as  a 
very  extraordinary  man  ;  but  heaped  the  most  un- 
measured abuse,  per  contra,  on  that  guilty  wretch, 
Voltaire,  in  consequence  of  his  attacks  on  such 
religion  as  prevailed  in  France  during  his  time.  At 
this  point  in  the  conversation,  Lieutenant  Square, 
who  still  seemed  to  fill  the  role  of  instructor,  saw  fit 
to  draw  a  distinction. 

"  The  character  of  Voltaire,"  said  he,  "  has  been 
the  subject  of  frequent  debate  ;  he  was  doubtless  a 
man  of  some  virtues  and  of  many  faults  ;  and  as  far 
as  these  latter  are  concerned,  I  certainly  do  not  care 
to  extenuate  them.  As  to  his  books,  one  of  them  is 
justly  considered  a  scandal  to  French  literature, 
while  in  questions  connected  with  religion  he  was 
the  very  genius  of  irreverence,  and  hence  the  hostili- 
ty with  which  his  memory  has  been  followed.  But 
on  the  other  hand  Voltaire's  manliness,  love  of  jus- 
tice, and  hatred  of  oppression  must  never  be  forgotten 
in  the  general  estimate  ;  indeed  his  conduct  in  such 
cases  as  that  of  the  persecuted  Protestant,  Jean  Galas, 
shows  that  his  notions  of  right  and  justice  were 
immensly  in  advance  of  some  of  the  ecclesiastical 
authorities  in  his  country  during  the  age  in  which  he 
lived." 

Mrs.  Daisy  received  this  statement  with  perfect 
astonishment;  for  she  never  supposed  that  a  word 
should  be  spoken  by  a  Christian  gentleman,  in  favor 
of  such  a  despicable  fellow  as  Voltaire.  But  at  this 
instant.  Miss  Davis,  who  had  previously  been  absent, 
entered  the  room,  when  immediately  she  was  at- 
tacked  by    Hector.     "  I    want    some  cake — I  want 


Guy  Aver  all.  395 

some  cake.  I'll  go  and  rub  out  my  exercise,  so  that 
you  can't  read  it,  if  I  don't  get  some  cake."  Miss 
Davis  without  minding  the  clamor  raised  by  the 
prospective  candidate  for  West  Point,  went  over  to 
the  piano,  opened  her  music  book,  and  commenced 
playing  one  of  her  usual  pieces,  with  the  evident  in- 
tention of -driving  away  her  little  annoyance.  But 
the  aunt,  somehow  or  other,  did  not  care  to  condone 
this  apparent  neglect  of  Hector,  for  hardly  had  her 
niece  touched  the  keys,  when  the  Brigadier  went 
over  to  the  instrument,  and  attempted  to  shut  it 
down  with  the  customary  formula. 

"  Don't  play  that  cherished  thing;  don't  play  that 
cherished  thing,  '  Home,  Sweet  Home,'  Eleanor 
dear.  *You  wound  my  most  tender  sensibilities 
whenever  you  force  me  to  hear  it.  Mr.  Square,  you 
can  hardly  understand  the  associations  connected 
with  an  early  hearth  from  which  I  have  long,  long 
been  separated."  But  hardly  had  the  Brigadier  com- 
menced her  oration  about  her  wounded  heart,  than 
Square,  to  whom  the  words  were  addressed,  jumped 
from  his  chair,  and  going  over  to  the  seat  which  was 
occupied  by  Miss  Eleanor  he  quietly  said  : 

"I  can  stand  this  nonsense  no  longer.  Miss 
Davis,  I  have  had  the  desire  for  some  time  past,  to 
take  a  moonlight  stroll  with  you.  Can  I  avail  my- 
self of  that  privilege  now  ?" 

The  denouement  was  now  a  surprise  to  every  one 
present,  not  excepting  the  gallant  Brigadier  herself. 
Miss  Davis  glanced  at  the  officer  for  a  moment,  as  if 
there  had  been  some  previous  understanding  with 
him,  and  then  to  the  astonishment  of  those  looking 
on,  she  accepted  Mr.  Square's  invitation,  and  the 
two  left  the  room. 


396  Guy  Avcrall. 

But  when  she  returned  and  it  was  formally  an- 
nounced that  the  two  were  now  engaged  to  be  mar- 
ried, was  there  not  a  pretty  fracas!  In  the  first 
place  Mrs.  Daisy  seemed  greatly  shocked  at  what 
she  designated  this  sudden  resolution  ;  and  then  she 
enquired  if  the  officer  had  not  compromised  his  own 
cousin  in  a  very  unseemly  way  ?  To  this  the  answer 
M'as  given  that  Square  had  not  compromised  his 
cousin  at  all;  that  nothing  but  mere  civilities,  such 
as  are  coip.mon  between  relatives,  had  passed  be- 
tween himself  and  Miss  Madison;  that  he  had  once 
stated  to  Mrs.  Daisy  she  must  not  trust  Madam 
Rumor  in  these  matters  ;  and,  in  short,  that  a  pre- 
vious engagement  having  existed  between  himself, 
and  any  person  living  in  New  York,  was  all  assump- 
tion on  Mrs.  Daisy's  part. 

"And  so  the  gentleman  has  availed  himself  of 
my  misinformation,  in  order  to  worm  himself  into 
this  family  and  deprive  me  of  the  legitimate  prop  on 
which  I  depend  during  my  declining  years!" 

"  I  do  not  know'that  I  have  been  guilty  of  any 
social  or  moral  impropriety,"  said  Square,  "  in  pay- 
ing my  addresses  to  Miss  Davis  in  the  way  I  have 
done." 

"And  must  I  wander  alone  and  unattended 
through  that  beautiful  Paree,  with  no  one  but  the 
child  Hector  by  my  side  ?" 

"  Why  you'll  have  bee  Sophia,"  said  Major  Daisy, 
who  now  deemed  it  proper  and  right  to  speak  up. 
"I'll  act  as  your  escort  through  Paree,  as  you  call 
it.  As  long  as  you  have  bee,  you  need  not  care  for 
any  one  else."  And  here  the  Major  indulged  in  a 
sly  little  laugh,    and  then  added,  "  But  couldn't  you 


Guy  Ave  rail.  397 

see  all  along,  for  the  last  three  or  four  months  at  the 
least,  that  the  fellow  was  after  Eleanor  ?" 

"  I  could  see  nothing  of  the  kind,  Major  Daisy," 
was  the  appropriate  reply,  "the  man  has  completely 
deceived  me,  and  having  said  this  much,  I  wish  you 
to  remain  perfectly  quiet,  till  I  have  finally  disposed 
of  this  case.  In  the  first  place  I  wish  to  inform  my- 
self, before  going  any  further,  respecting  this  double 
dealing  and  want  of  candor  on  the  part  of  Mr. 
Square." 

"Eut  aunt,"  replied  Miss  Eleanor,  "Mr.  Square 
says  he  forewarned  you,  long  ago,  when  we  were  sta- 
tioned on  Governor's  Island,  not  to  place  too  much 
reliance  on  current  rumors;  and  even  intimated  that 
he  and  his  cousin  might  not  be  engaged  after  all." 

"If  that  be  the  case,"  said  the  Brigadier,"  the 
man  has  wilfully  deceived  me,  and  I  have  only  a 
few  words  more  to  say,  and  these  words  are  expres- 
sive of  my  opinion  of  Mr.  Square.  That  subaltern 
is  a  clown,  an  ape,  a  monster,  an  intruder  into  an 
innocent  household,  a  person  in  whom  no  confidence 
should  be  placed,  a  boastful  hypocrite,  an  officer 
unworthy  of  the  position  he  holds,  an  arrogant  pre- 
tender, a  man  that  has  not  a  drop  of  aristocratic 
blood  in  his  veins,  a  low  born  pest,  a  peeping 
scoundrel — yes  and  worse  than  all  that,  since  he  has 
chosen  on  one  or  two  occasions,  while  in  my  pres- 
ence, to  make  light  of  those  feelings  of  reverence  and 
devotion  which  we  all  possess  ;  and  has  even  gone 
so  far  as  to  laud  an  unhallowed  infidel  like  Voltaire  ; 
I  hereby  pronounce  Mr.  Square  to  be  a  person  of  an 
unbelieving  and  sceptical  turn  of  mind,  one  that  has 
not  a  particle  of  true   religion  in  his  heart,  and   is 


39 3  Guy  Aucrall. 

utterly  destitute  of  the  grace  and  charity  of  a  Christ- 
ian !  I  pity  you,  Eleanor  Davis,  I  pity  you  from  the 
very  bottom  of  my  heart,  there  is  nothing  in  this 
world  but  misery  in  store  for  you." 


A  CHANGE  OF  QUARTERS. 

I. 

After  a  while  orders  came  for  the  Twenty-sixth 
Artillery  to  pack  up  their  effects,  and  proceed  to  one 
of  the  stations  on  the  Northern  Lakes,  which  was 
then  known  by  the  name  of  Fort  Pleasanton.  This 
shifting  of  quarters  was  attended  with  one  or  two 
changes.  In  the  first  place  the  gallant  Brigadier, 
having  been  made  the  actual  recipient  of  that  legacy 
to  which  she  was  entitled,  on  the  settlement  of  her 
uncle's  estate,  was  now  enabled  to  indulge  in  her 
peregrinating  proclivities  ;  and  accordingly  Major 
Daisy,  Mrs  Daisy,  and  the  young  Hector  Daisy,  all 
set-out  on  their  travels.  What  places  they  visited 
and  what  fine  acquaintances  they  made,  while  abroad, 
becomes  us  not  to  say  ;  meanwhile  Captain  Square, 
now  promoted  to  this  rank,  and  Miss  Davis  had  been 
married  ;  and  under  their  auspices  that  particular 
organization,  in  which  Guy  Averall  had  been  serving, 
really  enjoyed  a  very  considerable  portion  of  peace 
and  quietness.  Moldwell,  who  showed  himself  to  be 
a  sensible  and  well-conducted  man,  was  still  retained 
as  ist  Sergeant  of  Company  "  E,"  and  under  the 
wise  and  beneficent  management  of  the  officer  in 
charge,  the  cause  of  good  morals  and  correct  prin- 
ciples still  continued  to  flourish.  Drills  were  kept 
up  at  regular  intervals  ;  non-commissioned  officers 
were  selected  for  their  attention  to  duty,  rather  than 
26  399 


400  Gtiy  Aver  all. 

for  their  bullying  demeanor  and  pl\ysical  strength ; 
while  rowdyism  and  ruffianism,  in  all  their  forms, 
were  completely  discouraged.  In  addition  to  all 
this,  Captain  Square  was  able  to  devise  means  of 
instruction  and  of  amusement  for  his  men.  A  garden 
for  the.  use  of  the  post  Avas  cultivated;  books  for  a 
library  were  purchased  ;  a  reading  room  with  periodi- 
cals in  it  was  opened  ;  and  to  crown  all  a  Thespian 
society  was  organized ;  which  after  a  while  favored 
the  residents  of  Fort  Pleasanton,  with  those  well 
known  and  highly  venerated  pieces  "  Box  and  Cox," 
"  The  Loan  of  a  Lover,"  "  Slasher  and  Crasher,"  and 
other  performances  of  a  similar  character.  In  these 
dramatic  performances,  it  deserves  to  be  noted  that 
Guy  Averall  himself  took  part,  and  on  one  occasion 
had  the  honor  of  acting  Mr.  Box,  and  on  another 
"  old  Swizell  "  in  the  "  Loan  of  a  Lover,"  in  both  of 
which  roles  he  endeavored,  as  in  duty  bound,  to 
acquit  himself  with  decent  credit.  At  any  rate  this 
dramatic  club  was  noted  a  great  success  by  those 
who  took  part  in  it;  and  if  the  outside  spectators 
were  disposed,  now  and  then  to  be  critical,  why  no 
one,  I'm  sure,  will  deny  them  that  privilege. 

But  the  greatest  change  which  took  place  in  re- 
gard to  Company  "  E,"  at  this  time,  consisted  in  the 
remodelling  of  the  female  department.  When  the 
good  Mrs.  Daisy  took  her  departure  for  Europe,  she 
seemed  perfectly  willing  to  throw  the  veil  of  oblivion 
over  the  past  ;  and  provided  Mrs.  Square  were  will- 
ing to  give  her  a  little  assistance,  in  regard  to  Hector, 
she  saw  no  reason  why  the  latter  lady  should  not 
accompany  her.  But  as  Square  himself  objected  to 
this  arrangement,  it  followed  as  a  necessary  conse- 


Guy  Aver  all.  401 

quence  that  Mrs.  Daisy  had  to  exist  as  best  she  could, 
while  abroad ;  and  that  young  Hector  had  to  look 
out  for  himself  without  cousin  Eleanor's  assistance. 
This  was  an  undoubted  hardship,  especially  when  it 
is  recollected  that  the  Brigadier  had  never  been 
obliged  heretofore  to  endure  any  annoyance  of  this 
sort.  Still,  she  saw  fit  to  submit  to  the  new  arrange- 
ment of  affairs,  Avith  as  good  a  grace  as  possible,  and 
even  seemed  disposed  occasionally  to  take  no  small 
amount  of  credit  to  herself  for  doing  so. 

In  the  meantime  what  can  be  recorded  of  the 
demeanor  of  Mrs.  Square,  now  that  she  was  installed 
in  the  place  formerly  occupied  by  her  aunt  ni  the 
Regiment  ?  Briefly  then,  let  us  say  that  she  con- 
ducted herself  like  a  plain  sensible  woman,  and  we 
do  not  know  that  we  can  bestow  on  her  any  higher 
encomium  than  that.  If  we  attempted  to  praise  her 
the  thing  would  have  to  be  done  by  negatives.  She 
did  not  boast  of  her  high  ancestry  ;  she  did  not  call 
the  enlisted  men  her  "  dear  children,"  and  worry 
the  very  life  out  of  them,  at  the  same  time,  by  her 
nonsensical  tasks  ;  the  amount  of  personal  service 
which  she  required  from  these  latter  was  very  small 
indeed  ;  and  as  to  this  thing  of  throwing  her  arms 
round  a  young  officer,  and  kissing  him  in  public,  in 
the  way  her  aunt  occasionally  did,  why  Mrs.  Square 
would  as  soon  have  attempted  to  fly.  And  yet  in 
spite  of  these  negative  traits,  both  officers  and  soldiers 
were  willing  to  vote  their  Captain's  wife  a  genuine 
lady,  and  as  such  were  disposed  to  show  their  fealty 
and  allegiance  to  her  by  every  means  in  their  power. 
And  in  this  connection  we  have  only  one  question  to 
ask — does  not    a  good  and  noble  woman  make  her 


402  Guy  AveralL 

influence  felt  in  a  thousand  ways  ?  Is  there  not  an 
instinctive  reverence  for  her,  in  the  breast  of  every 
man  whatever  may  be  his  rank  or  condition  ?  And 
on  the  other  hand,  how  often  has  rudeness  been 
shamed  and  lawlessness  put  to  flight  by  the  appear- 
ance of  a  high-minded  and  sensible  woman  among 
those,  who  on  ordinary  occasions,  pay  very  little 
attention  to  legitimate  restraints  ?  And  no  one,  we 
are  sure,  more  truly  admired  Mrs.  Square,  and  re- 
joiced in  her  present  happiness  to  a  greater  extent 
then  did  our  old  friend  Guy  Averall. 

II. 

One  feature  in  the  mental  improvement  of  the 
subject  of  this  narrative  at  this  time  is  worthy  of 
record.  During  the  winter  months,  such  personages 
as  were  good  men  and  true,  among  the  soldiers  of 
Company  "  E,  "  of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery,  would 
frequently  assemble  in  the  room  occupied  by  the  first 
Sergeant,  where  the  books  belonging  to  the  library 
were  kept;  and  during  these  assemblages  many  ex- 
cellent conversations  took  place,  the  subject  being 
generally  suggested  by  some  event  of  current  inter- 
est, some  incident  in  the  life  of  this  or  that  speaker, 
or  possibly  the  ideas  that  were  presented  in  some 
volume  which  a  member  of  the  party  Jiad  been  read- 
ing. And  here,  without  more  ceremony,  we  beg  to 
present  an  outline  of  the  talk  which  took  place  at 
one  of  these  meetings,  as  evidence  of  the  character 
and  mode  of  thinking  of  soldiers;  those  taking  part 
in  it  being  our  old  friends  Sergeant  Moldwell,  and 
Privates  Petersen,  Hogan  and  Averall.  The  former 
speaks : 


Guy  AveralL  403 

Moldwcll.  A  cold  Canadian  evening,  is  it  not. 
The  wind  has  lately  shifted  round  to  the  northeast, 
with  the  promise  of  a  couple  of  feet  of  snow,  on  the 
ground,  before  morning.  We  need  hardly  expect  a 
mail  at  this  gait  of  going,  for  the  next  week  or  ten 
days,  now  that  the  Lake  is  frozen  over. 

Hogan.  True,  yet  de'el  take  it — the  fewer  official 
letters  I  get,  the  fewer  of  them  I'll  have  to  answer. 
Beside  which,  "^vith  good  quarters,  and  this  rousing 
log  fire  before  us,  we  need  only  cogitate  on  the  doc- 
trine of  the  Pythagoreans — that  beans  contain  the 
soul  of  the  world.  % 

Moldwell.  You  are  right,  man — you  are  right. 
Beans,  as  you  say,  are  very  good  food — when  used 
discreetly.  On  such  an  occasion  as  this,  neverthe- 
less, I  often  think  of  the  verse  of  Burns,  which 
serves  to  describe  the  outside  scene : 

When  biting  Boreas,  fell  and  doure, 
Sharp  shivers  through  the  leafless  bower. 
When  Phuubus  gives  a  short  lived  glower 

Far  south  the  lift  ; 
Dim,  darkhng  through  the  flaky  shower 

Or  whirling  drift. 

Is  it  not  a  good  thing  though,  that  we  have  these 
books  and  that  theatre  to  amuse  us,  else  we  might 
grumble,  perchance,  at  these  bleak  winds  and  incle- 
ment skies,  I  have  heard  it  said  that  the  Icelanders 
amuse  themselves,  during  such  weather  as  this,  by 
reciting  their  long  songs  and  sagas;  so  it  is  to  the 
inclemency  of  their  skies  that  we  owe  the  preserva- 
tion of  their  literature.  By  the  way,  I  fancy  that 
last  piece  of  ours,  at  the  theatre,  was  quite  a  success; 
at  least  the  audience,  then  present^  seemed  to  be  as 


404  Guy  Ave  rail. 

well  satisfied  as  usual,  and  as  long  as  they  don't 
complain,  I'm  sure  we  have  no  reason  to  find  fault 
with  them. 

Petersen.  Admirable,  admirable,  indeed.  And 
that  song,  Hogan,  which  you  gave  us  about  "  the 
widow  McFegg,  and  her  leg,  which  was  washed  and 
hung  up  on  a  peg,  by  a  keg,"  was  indeed  an  ad- 
mirable thing.  But  confound  it — I  always  seem  to 
be  in  bad  luck.  I  never  atterripted  anything  in  the 
way  of  acting,  but  something  or  other  is  sure  to  go 
amiss. 

Zr<9^««.  Amiss!  my  dear  fellow.  Why  amidst 
the  bustle  and  confusion  of  the  stage,  there  is  no  one 
in  the  audience  who  notices  your  mistakes.  You  are 
the  best  actor  in  the  whole  company,  as  every  person 
of  sense  will  immediately  allow. 

Petersen.  Yes,  but  on  the  very  last  occasion, 
when  we  appeared  in  public,  I  was  sent  into  a  garden 
to  climb  an  apple-tree,  in  order  to  secure  some  of 
the  fruit  growing  thereon.  As  Jimmy  Twitcher,  in 
the  Golden  Farmer,  I  performed  the  part  to  perfec- 
tion ;  got  hold  of  the  plunder,  and  was  on  the  point 
of  descending  the  tree,  when,  on  a  sudden,  the  branch 
on  which  I  was  walking  gave  way,  my  posterior  was 
caught  on  a  twig  in  descending,  my  unmentionables 
were  rent  in  twain,  exposing  my  naked  pedestals  to 
the  audience  ;  and  to  crown  all,  the  bottle  of  medi- 
cine which  I  had  previously  stolen,  was  smashed  in 
the  descent,  and  the  cussed  liquor  came  trickling 
down  my  legs,  just  as  if  I  had  been  immersed  in  a 
shower-bath.  To  say  the  least,  the  situation  was 
not  a  pleasant  one,  especially  as  the  male  portion  of 
the   audience  chose  to  set  up  a  roar  at  that  instant, 


Guy  Ave  rail.  4o5 

while  the  ladies  held  down  their  heads  and  pretended 
not  to  see  anything.  I  am  not  one  of  your  sensitive 
persons,  who  are  easily  embarrassed,  but  I  did  not 
feel  quite  at  home,  on  the  stage,  at  that  instant,  I 
assure  you. 

Hogan.  No  matter  man,  no  matter  man,  ^  you 
did  the  whole  thing  admirably.  There  is  not  a  single 
person  in  the  company  who  could  act  that  piece  any 
better  than  you.  We  intend  having  a  five  act  comedy 
before  long,  the  "  Poor  Gentleman,"  for  instance,  and 
you  shall  have  the  character  of  Doctor  Ollapod  in 
it,  "  at  your  very  good  service." 

Petersen.  Bravo!  bravo!  hurrah  for  the  Fort 
Pleasanton  Dramatic  Club,  of  which  we  are  all 
accredited  members.  And  Hogan,  you  can  give  us 
the  "  Groves  of  Blarney  "  as  an  interlude,  in  your 
usual  style,  to  which  we  all  will  be  attentive  listeners." 
Averall.  Is  it  not  singular,  as  many  pieces  as  we 
have  played,  that  they  are  all  of  one  pitch,  either 
broad  farce  or  low  comedy.  I  have  been  reading 
Shakespeare  of  late,  portions  of  which  I  have  gone 
over  twice.  I  like  his  plays  immensely,  I  consider 
the  perusal  of  them  an  epoch  of  my  life.  Cannot 
we  have  one  or  two  of  them  on  the  stage,  Hamlet  or 
Othello,  for  instance,  just  by  way  of  variety  ? 

Moldwell.  I  admire  your  pluck,  Averall,  but  as 
to  this  acting  of  the  plays  you  mention,  the  thing  is 
more  easily  said  than  done.  Shakespeare  is  a  genius 
by  himself,  as  different  from  other  dramatists,  as  the 
sun  in  his  splendor  above  our  heads,  differs  from  the 
brightest  star  that  may  shine  in  the  firmanent.  In 
brief  then,  we  cannot  obtain  actors  who  will  do 
justice  to  the  prominent  characters  in  Shakespeare's 


4o6  Guy  Averall. 

works.  Your  would  be  histrionic  can  spout  Metam- 
ora,  or  saw  tlie  air  as  Spartacus  ;  but  when  he  is 
required  to  define  Hamlet,  for  instance,  with  his 
thought,  his  sense  of  calumity,  and  his  Avayward 
irresolution,  the  speech  of  the  would-be  Roscius  fails 
him,  his  face  will  not  convey  the  impression  which 
Shakespeare  evidently  intended ;  he  is  by  turns  either 
weak  or  bombastic,  and  the  consequence  is  that  those 
who  have  read  Shakespeare  in  the  solitude  of  the 
closet,  turn  away  with  infinite  disappointment  and 
disgust,  and  vow  they  will  not  go  to  hear  that  author 
murdered  anymore.  Such,  at  least,  has  been  my 
experience  on  all  these  occasions ;  and  many  there 
are,  beside  myself,  who  will  tell  the  same  story  in 
regard  to  the  living  theatre.  It  is  the  old  battle  be- 
tween the  ideal  and  real.  The  latter,  however  near 
it  may  approach,  can  never  equal  our  notion  of  the 
former. 

Petersen.  Which  of  the  plays  of  Shakespeare  do 
you  admire  the  most  ? 

Mohhvell.  A  somewhat  difficult  question  to 
answer,  although  as  complete  works  of  art,  I  have 
heard  the  palm  given  to  Macbeth  or  Othello.  Any  of 
them,  however,  contain  food  enough  for  reflection, 

Hogan.  You  are  right  sir,  you  are  right,  and  if 
at  any  time,  I  have  under  my  charge,  an  all  prevail- 
ing genius  who  is  resolved  to  woo  the  muse  Mel- 
ponene,  I  will  explain  to  him  the  correct  principles 
on  which  a  tragedy  should  be  written.  But  here  I 
have  discovered  something,  which  occurs  in  a  drama, 
not  written  by  Shakespeare,  and  which  I  should  like 
to  repeat  to  our  lady  Glumdalclitch,  who  seems  to  be 
always  doating  on  those  dear  foreign  potentates,  of 
whom  she  so  frequently  speaks. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  4^7 

I 
There  was  a  king,  right  stately, 

Who  had  a  great  big  flea, 
And  loved  him  very  greatly. 

As  if  his  own  son  wefe  he. 
He  called  the  knight  of  stitches. 

The  tailor  came  straightway, 
"  Ho  !  measure  the  youngster  for  breeches 

And  make  him  a  coat  to-day." 

2 

In  silk  and  velvet  splendid 

The  creature  no\y  was  dressed. 
To  his  coat  were  ribbons  appended  ; 

A  cross  was  on  his  breast ; 
He  had  a  great  star  on  his  shoulder  ; 

Was  a  minister,  in  short  ; 
And  his  relatives,  greater  and  smaller, 

Became  fine  people  at  court. 

3. 

The  lords  and  ladies  of  honor, 

Fared  worse  than  if  they  were  hung. 
The  queen,  she  got  them  upon  her. 

And  all  were  bitten  and  stung. 
And  did  not  dare  to  attack  them 

Nor  scratch,  but  let  them  stick  ; 
We  choke  them,  and  vte  crack  them. 

The  moment  we  feel  one  prick. 

Hurrah!  for  the  Baron  Von  Goethe!  Best  thing, 
I'm  sure,  that  he  ever  wrote." 

Petersen  {who  rises  to  his  feet  with  an  astonished 
look).  Private  Hogan,  I'm  somewhat  afraid  you 
have  forgotten  yourself.  The  great  Goethe,  the  im- 
mortal Goethe,  if  you  please. 

Hogan.  Please  allow  me  to  explain.  I  do  not 
utter  a  word  of  disparagement  against  that  divine 


4o8  Guy  Averall. 

writer,  and  even  if  I  did,  the  attempt  would  be 
simply  ridiculous,  on  my  part,  but  this  I  perceive, 
that  there  are  a  number  of  readers,  both  in  England 
and  America,  who  express  the  most  unbounded  ad- 
miration for  the  German,  and  some  there  are  who 
are  ready  to  laud  every  thing  that  he  has  written, 
both  good  and  bad,  as  if  it  all  were  supremely  ex- 
quisite. Now  that  to  me  savors  of  affectation,  and 
against  affectation,  of  all  sort,  I  am  the  sworn  foe. 
To  illustrate  what  I  mean,  it  may  be  mentioned,  that 
a  few  days  ago,  while  looking  over  a  very  respectable 
periodical,  published  in  the  city  of  Boston,  I  noticed 
an  article  on  Wilhelm  Meister,  in  which  that  work  is 
praised  to  the  skies,  and  in  proof  of  this  admiration, 
it  is  stated,  by  the  author,  that  he  has  read  the  pro- 
duction of  Goethe  "  three  several  times  in  succes- 
sion," in  order  to  discover  its  true  intent,  meaning 
and  purpose.  Now  in  the  first  place,  let  me  observe, 
that  a  literary  composition  which  requires  to  be  read 
over  and  over  again,  in  order  to  be  understood,  can- 
not by  any  possibility  be  a  well  written  book;  and, 
taking  the  critic  oA  his  own  grounds,  Wilhelm  Meis- 
ter is  certainly  deficient  in  one  prime  excellence,  I 
mean,  clearness  of  purpose.  ^  In  spite  of  this  warn- 
ing, I  nevertheless  did  attack  the  volume  on  the 
recommendation  of  my  New  England  friend,  and 
speaking  as  a  barbarian,  I  must  certainly  say  I  was 
greatly  disappointed  in  it.  In  no  way  does  the  pro- 
duction correspond  with  our  notions  of  an  English 
novel.  The  discussions  in  it  are  heavy,  the  plot  is 
loosely  constructed,  the  story  is  by  no  means  inter- 
esting, and  there  is  a  certain  grossness  in  nearly 
every  one  of  the  characters  presented,  which  to  my 


Guy  Aver  all.  409 

mind  is  perfectly  astonishing.  No  wonder  Lord 
Jeffrey  condemns  it.  And  yet  our  learned  critic  can 
say  that  this  production  of  the  great  Goethe  is  simply 
unapproachable!  A  truce,  I  say,  to  such  paltry  and 
barefaced  balderdash  as  this. 

Moldwell.  And  yet,  it  must  be  recollected  that 
Goethe  has  a  whole  nation  at  his  back;  for  the  Ger-. 
mans,  one  and  all,  seem  to  consider  this  Wilhelm 
Meister  as  a  veritable  chef  d'oeuvre. 

Hogan.  And  I,  for  one,  do  not  find  fault  with 
them  if  they  discover  beauties  in  the  book,  which  I, 
as  a  stranger,  am  not  permitted  to  see.  But  when 
I  notice  the  extensive  worship  of  every  thing  Teu- 
tonic, which  now  prevails,  I  am  always  tempted  to 
think  of  one  of  Hans  Andersen's  tales. 

Moldwell.     Which  one  do  you  mean  ? 

Hogan.  That  one  about  the  rogues  and  the  cloth 
of  gold,  which  according  to  the  version  I  read,  runs 
in  this  way.  On  one  occasion,  it  is  recorded,  a 
couple  of  rogues  came  into  a  capital  city,  set  up  a 
loom,  and  declared  they  would  commence  immedi- 
ately to  weave  a  web  of  gold.  "  But,"  said  they, 
"  the  web  is  of  so  extraordinary  a  texture,  that  any 
person  who  may  be  unqualified  for  the  office  he 
holds,  cannot  see  anything  but  a  piece  of  common 
cloth  in  the  same."  'A  few  days  after  they  had  com- 
menced operations,  the  King  of  the  country,  hear- 
ing of  their  skill,  thought  he  would  pay  a  visit  to  the 
strangers,  and  going  into  the  house  where  they  were, 
and  looking  at  their  Avarp  and  weft,  he  really  thought 
the  piece  was  nothing  more  than  a  web  of  ordinary 
cloth.  But  being  afraid,  at  the  same  time,  that  any 
one  would  suspect  him  as  unfit  for  his  office,  he  in- 


410  Gtiy  Aver  all. 

stantly  exclaimed  "  what  a  beautiful  web  of  gold  ! 
What  a  beautiful  web  of  gold  !"  And  then,  in  order 
to  impress  himself  properly  on  the  weavers,  he  handed 
them  a  valuable  gift,  and  took  his  departure.  The 
next  day  the  chief  vizier  came  on  a  similar  errand, 
and  although  he  likewise  could  see  nothing  extra- 
ordinary in  the  web,  yet  rather  than  have  it  sup- 
posed he  was  unfit  for  the  place  he  held,  he  deemed 
it  prudent  also  to  exclaim  **  what  a  beautiful  web  of 
gold  !  What  a  beautiful  web  of  gold  !"  And  then 
he  gave  his  present,  in  like  manner,  to  the  rogues, 
and  away  he  started.  In  the  same  way,  each  official 
in  the  city  paid  his  visit,  and  offered  his  gift,  while 
in  the  mean  time  the  two  rascals  were  secretly  laugh- 
ing in  their  sleeves,  at  the  way  they  had  cheated  these 
mighty  potentates  At  length  a  common  fool  was 
brought  in  to  see  the  wondrous  web;  but  instead  of 
praising  it,  as  was  expected,  this  individual  observed 
that  there  was  nothing  remarkable  in  the  cloth,  as 
far  as  he  could  see,  and  as  to  the  gold  which  was 
said  to  be  there,  he  could  not  notice  a  particle  of 
that  metal  in  its  composition.  "  If  that  be  your 
opinion,"  said  the  weavers,  "  we  are  resolved  to  de- 
camp as  soon  as  possible,  for  depend  on  it,  as  soon 
as  it  is  suspected  that  fools  speak  the  truth,  the  king 
himself  will  discover  we  are  nothing  but  cheats,  and 
it  wont  be  long  till  we  have  to  suffer,  either  from  the 
bowstring  or  bastinado."  Now  to  my  mind  some  of 
our  book  critics,  when  they  write  for  periodicals, 
resemble  the  officials  in  this  tale — in  short,  they  are 
afraid  of  saying  a  word  against  such  a  writer  as 
Goethe,  lest  they  should  be  suspected  as  unfit  for 
their  office. 


Guy  Ave  rail.  411 

Moldwell.  A  vera  guide  story — a  vera  guide  story, 
and  I  think  I  understand  the  application.  You  mean 
to  say  that  the  German's  volume  is  not  a  great  vol- 
ume, in  the  best  sense  of  the  word,  nor  his  hero, 
Wilhelm,  a  great  man,  and  that  in  all  essential  re- 
spects, any  soldier  now  sitting  in  this  room,  who 
would  write  a  true  account  of  his  mental  development, 
from  the  time  he  commenced  reading,  Con  Cregan 
for  instance,  to  the  present  time,  would  give  a  much 
more  worthy  exhibit,  take  it  all  in  all,  than  the  great 
privy-councilor  has  left  us.  Well,  sir,  for  the  honor 
of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  the  point  will  not  be 
disputed — the  point  will  not  be  disputed,  and  this 
much  I  will  say  by  way  of  explanation  respecting 
Wilhelm's  shortcomings,  that  at  the  time  Goethe 
wrote,  the  social  condition  of  Germany  was  such  that 
any  person  in  it,  less  than  a  baron  was  never  thought 
of  ;  and  even  at  the  present  time  we  cannot  expect 
much  elevation  of  sentiment  in  a  country  where  rank 
is  everything,  and  the  personal  pride  of  the  plebeian 
is  almost  unknown.  Yet  after  all  deductions  are 
made,  we  nevertheless  must  acknowledge  that  the 
German  is  indeed  a  giant  in  literature.  Who  is 
there,  for  instance,  that  has  looked  over  a  translation 
of  his  great  work  Faust,  that  has  not  been  impressed 
with  the  power  evinced  in  that  poem.  As  an  exam- 
ple of  this  I  cannot  help  quoting  the  lines  addressed 
to  Margaret  herself. 

Who  dare  express  him. 
And  who  profess  him, 
Saying,  I  believe  in  him  ! 
Who  feeling,  seeing, 
Deny  his  being 


412  Guy  Aver  all. 

Saying,  I  believe  him  not  ! 
The  all  unfolding 
Folds,  and  upholds  he  not 
Me,  Thee,  H  imself 
*         *         *         * 

Vast  as  it  is,  fill  with  that  love  thy  heart, 
And  when  thou  in  the  feeling  blessed  art, 
Call  it  Bliss,  Heart,  Love,  God, 
I  have  no  name  to  give  it ! 

Petersen.  These  are  wonderful  lines  indeed ; 
and  expressive  of  the  thoughts  of  a  great  mind  on 
a  great  theme.  But  hark  !  there  is  the  first  call  for 
tattoo,  and  we  must  now  separate.  This  evening 
we  have  discussed  the  drama  and  Goethe;  to-mor- 
row we  will  take  up  some  other  matter  as  a  proper 
subject  for  our  cogitations.  In  this  same  room, 
then,  we  will  have  another  social  meeting. 

***** 

Such  is  a  sample  of  the  discourses  which  were 
held,  at  this  time,  among  the  enlisted  men  of  Com- 
pany "  E,"  Twenty-sixth  Artillery.  Is  it  any  wonder 
that  under  such  influences  and  auspices  as  these, 
the  mind  of  Guy  AVerall  should  be  constantly  and 
gradually  improving  1 

III. 

The  reader  who  has  followed  the  thread  of  this 
narrative  thus  far,  will  probably  enquire  what  be- 
came of  Ryan  and  Lawless,  the  offenders  in  the  case 
of  the  unfortunate  Corporal  Sullivan.  The  state- 
ment in  this  matter  is  but  a  brief  one,  but  may  serve 
to  illustrate  the  beautiful  uncertainty  of  the  law. 
After  remaining  in  the  county  jail  at  Jonesville,  till 
the  assembly  of  the  circuit  court,  an  application  was 


Guy  Ave  rail.  413 

made  for  a  change  of  venue,  on  the  ground  that  an 
unprejudiced  jury  could  not  be  assembled  in  the 
place  where  Sullivan  was  killed,  and  this  application 
the  court  saw  proper  to  grant.  The  trial,  by  one 
expedient  or  another,  was  put  off  for  a  year  ;  and 
when  it  actually  did  take  place,  the  jury  did  not  see 
fit  to  convict  the  accused  of  a  criminal  act,  A 
powerful  argument  was  made  in  the  case  by  the 
prosecuting  attorney,  who  insisted  that  all  the  cir- 
cumstances of  the  transaction  pointed  to  the  fact 
that  Sullivan  was  the  victim  of  a  conspiracy  on  the 
part  of  Ryan  and  Lawless.  In  particular,  he  argued 
that  if  anything  approaching  to  fair  play  had  existed 
when  they  met  for  the  purpose  of  settling  their  dis- 
pute, that  Ryan  would  certainly  have  borne  some 
marks  of  the  resistance  of  Sullivan  in  the  encounter. 
The  contrary,  however,  was  the  case;  Sullivan  had 
been  cut  and  gashed,  in  the  most  horrible  manner, 
while  the  body  of  his  opponent  did  not  afford  evi- 
dence of  a  single  scar.  But  it  was  all  to  no  purpose, 
the  jury  held  to  the  opinion  that  as  Sullivan  had 
accepted  a  challenge  to  fight,  the  party  who  gave  it 
was  relieved  from  all  responsibility  as  to  the  result, 
and  as  a  consequence,  the  prisoners  were  entitled  to 
their  freedom.  Both  Ryan  and  Lawless  had  how- 
ever been  previously  discharged  from  the  United 
States  service,  by  order  of  the  War  Department,  and 
hence  it  followed  that  neither  of  these  worthies,  who 
had  long  been  the  pests  of  Company  "E,"  ever 
afterwards  joined  that  organization.  What  became 
of  them  finally  was  not  known ;  but  a  report  was 
circulated  at  one  time,  that  Ryan  was  killed  in  a 
street  quarrel  in  New  Orleans  ;    and  that  Lawless, 


414  Guy  Aver  all. 

finally  met  with  the  fate  he  justly  deserved,  at  a 
small  town  in  the  interior  of  Texas.  But  whether 
this  was  really  so  or  not,  we  have  no  means  of  de- 
termining, we  merely  repeat  the  rumor  for  what  it  is 
worth,  as  the  last  intelligence  ever  received  concern- 
ing the  good  Mrs.  Daisy's  "  dear  children."  As  to 
the  unfortunate  Kitty  Traynor,  her  history  may  be 
dispatched  in  a  few  words.  Shortly  after  the  arrival 
of  the  Twenty-sixth  Artillery  at  Fort  Pleasanton, 
she  somehow  or  other  found  her  way  to  that  station, 
and  then  entered  the  service  of  Mrs.  Square,  who 
treated  her  with  every  possible  consideration.  In 
the  course  of  a  couple  of  years  she  was  married  to 
Petersen,  and  made  him  a  very  good  wife.  But  her 
old  laughter-loving  spirit  had  somehow  disappeared ; 
the  murder  of  her  first  husband  had  evidently  made 
an  impression  on  her  which  could  not  be  eradicated. 
Meanwhile,  it  affords  us  much  pleasure  to  state 
that  the  good  Mrs.  Daisy  had  a  perfect  feast  of 
delight  while  abroad  ;  and  the  following  letter,  which 
was  written  by  her,  while  visiting  the  city  of  Paris, 
will  explain  her  feelings  on  this  occasion  in  a  more 
graphic  Avay,  than  could  possibly  be  done  by  any 
words  which  we  might  offer. 

Hotel  de  L'  Imperatrice, 

Rue  de  Rivoli,  Jutie.  23^,  18 — 
My  Dear  Friend  : 

Here  we  are  in  this  delicious  city  of  Paris,  sur- 
rounded by  all  the  elegance  and  pleasure  that  the 
world  can  possibly  contain,  and  enjoying  ourselves 
in  a  way  that  is  perfectly  delightful.  I  have  visited 
the  Louvre,  I  have  promenaded  in  the  garden  of  the 


Guy  Aver  all.  415 

Luxenbourg,    I    have    traversed    the    Place    de   la 
Concorde,   and  have  inspected   the  interior  of  the 
Cathedral  church  of  Notre  Dame,  and  find  the  topo- 
graphical situation  of  these  places  to  be  just  as  I 
had  already  depicted  them.      My  own  good  Tom 
has  accompanied  me  in  these  excursions,  back  and 
forward  through  the  city ;  and  although  by  no  means 
enthusiastic  as  regards  la  belle  France,  I  have  yet 
found  him  to  be  a  very  useful  guide  and  cicerone  on 
all  occasions.     I  attended  the  opera,  the  night  before 
last,  and  saw  the  Empress  there,  and  can  assure  you 
that  the  reports  we  have  in  America,  concerning  her, 
do  not  begin  to  do  her  justice.      In  my  opinion,  she 
is  really  one  of   the  most  beautiful   and  charming 
women  that  the  world  has  ever  seen  ;   and  if  that 
churub  of  a  son  of  hers,  in  whom  I  take  such  a 
profound  interest,  is  only  her  counterpart,  he  must 
be  a  perfect  angel  in  himself,  and  the  glory  also  of 
his  father.     The  Empress  on  the  occasion  referred 
to,  sat  quite  near  to  me — indeed  the  box  which  she 
occupied  was  in  the  same  tier  as  that  in  which  I  was 
placed,  so  that  I  had  a  very  good  opportunity  of 
observing    her,   which   I   did  in  as   quiet    and  un- 
obtrusive a  manner  as  I  possibly  could.     I  believe  it 
is  not  considered  etiquette  to  stare  at  august  person- 
ages in  Europe,  through  a  lorgnette  ;  I  consequently 
was  obliged  to  be  somewhat  discreet  in  the  use  of 
my  glass.     I  however  paid  particular  attention  to  the 
toilette  of  her  Imperial  Majesty,  which  I  am  enabled 
to  describe  in  full.     This  consisted  of  a  dress  of 
white  moire  antique,  trimmed  with  point  lace,  berthe 
and   manchettes,  looped  with  clusters   of  pale  pink 

roses,  and  a  wreath  of  the  same  flower  in  her  hair. 
27 


41 6  Guy  Aver  all. 

The  effect  of  the  whole,  I  assure  you,  was  perfectly- 
elegant;  and  I  am  determined  to  provide  myself 
with  a  similar  outfit  in  as  short  a  time  as  possible. 
To-morrow  I  will  visit  Worth,  and  the  day  after  I 
am  to  be  honored  by  a  presentation  at  the  Tuileries. 

As  to  that  good  man,  the  Emperor,  he  accom- 
panied his  wife,  and  was  received  with  much  applause 
when  he  entered  the  box.  Yesterday,  I  was  fortu- 
nate enough  to  again  catch  a  glimpse  of  him  while 
crossing  the  Place  de  la  Concorde.  He  was  riding 
in  a  carriage,  drawn  by  four  glossy  black  horses,  and 
preceded  by  a  couple  of  officers,  dressed  in  very  ele- 
gant uniform.  The  Emperor  bowed  repeatedly  to 
the  crowd,  as  the  carriage  rolled  past.  This  I  con- 
sider a  mark  of  gracious  manners  on  his  part;  and 
shows  at  a  glance  that  his  Imperial  Majesty  most 
thoroughly  understand  the  wants  and  wishes  of  the 
French  people.  Next  Tuesday,  being  a  holiday,  the 
family  are  to  hear  mass  at  the  Church  of  Saint  Roch, 
which  is  on  the  Rue  Saint  Honore,  at  a  short  dis- 
tance from  the  Tuileries.  Of  course  I  intend  to  be 
there,  for  to  worship'under  the  same  roof,  Avith  such 
exalted  company,  is  a  privilege  of  too  high  a  char- 
acter to  be  wilfully  neglected. 

As  to  the  inferior  order  of  French  people,  I  like 
them  ever  so  much,  they  seem  so  polite — indeed  I 
have  noticed  that  your  genuine  Parisian  takes  off  his 
hat  to  every  lady  of  his  acquaintance  whom  he  meets, 
without  regard  to  her  dress,  and  I  have  been  told, 
without  regard  to  her  character  also.  As  far  as  I 
have  been  able  to  observe  the  chief  occupation  of  a 
Frenchman  is  to  amuse  himself,  and  certainly  this 
city  of  Paris,  affords  him  every  opportunity  of  doing 


Guy  Aver  all.  417 

so.  Seated  by  the  side  of  his  little  table,  watching 
the  crowd  that  hurries  past  him  on  the  boulevards, 
glancing  perchance  on  the  columns  of  the  Siecle  or 
Moniteur,  how  happy  and  contented  the  ordinary 
Frenchman  seems!  Then  he  has  the  theatre,  the 
opera,  the  Musee  de  Cluny,  which  contains  such  a 
vast  collection  of  objects  from  the  most  distant 
ages,  the  Louvre  with  its  array  of  paintings,  and  the 
circus  inside  the  Champs  Elysees,  where  the  most 
skillful  riding  and  tumbling  is  exhibited  for  the  ben- 
efit of  the  crowd.  Quelle  belle  ville  que  Paris — for 
myself  I  live  in  a  perfect  whirl  of  delight.  As  to 
that  famous  Jardiii  Mabille,  of  which  so  many  ridic- 
ulous stories  have  been  told,  I  can  only  say  I  visited 
the  place,  in  company  with  my  own  good  Tom,  and 
I  can  assure  you  found  nothing  but  perfect  pro- 
priety there. 

This  city  of  Paris,  as  I  find  *by  my  own  experi- 
ence, affords  an  excellent  opportunity  of  observing 
the  customs  of  foreign  nations;  for  in  truth  there 
are  representatives  of  almost  every  country  in  the 
world  to  be  found  here.  At  the  hotel  where  I  am  at 
present  quartered,  a  Russian  prince  is  said  to  be 
among  the  guests.  He  is  a  singular  looking  man, 
with  a  black  moustache  and  a  bald  head.  He  always 
dines  by  himself,  and  the  day  before  yesterday,  I 
was  creditably  informed,  that  he  had  a  live  ox  slaugh- 
tered for  his  especial  benefit  in  the  kitchen  belong- 
ing to  the  establishment.  I  consider  this  very 
singular,  although  Tom,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  does  not 
take  one  particle  of  interest  in  these  charming  httle 
eccentricities.  Mais  je  vive  en  espoir,  I  still  have 
hopes  that  my  own  good  husband,  whom  I  love  so 


4i8  Gziy  Ave  rail. 

very  much,  will  yet  be  cured  of  a  portion  of  his  sav- 
agery, and  then  he  will  simply  be  to  me — the  best 
and  dearest  man  that  ever  existed. 

Your  affectionate  friend, 

Sophia  Daisy. 

IV. 
Time  wore  on,  and  at  length  the  enlistment  in 
the  case  of  Private  Averall  expired.  He  received 
his  discharge  from  the  service  of  the  United  States, 
with  the  word  "unexceptionable,"  written  in  the 
space  appropriated  to  the  character  which  is  given 
to  the  soldier,  Averall  was  rather  gratified  at  re- 
ceiving this  word  of  commendation  from  Captain 
Square;  although,  to  tell  the  truth,  he  hardly  thought 
he  deserved  the  encomium  on  all  occasions,  for  where 
is  the  soldier,  living  or  dead,  who  has  not  been 
guilty,  now  and  then,  of  his  little  sins  of  omission 
and  commission.  As  his  commanding  officer  never- 
theless chose  to  say  this  much  in  his  favor,  Guy 
Averall  did  not  object.  He  received  his  final  docu- 
ments with  thanks,  and  after  bidding  adieu  to  his  old 
comrades,  and  singing  "  Auld  lang  syne"  in  a  select 
company  consisting  of  Petersen,  Moldwell  and  Ho- 
gan,  the  enterprising  hero  of  this  narrative  prepared 
himself  once  more  to  take  his  chance  of  citizen  life. 
But  the  attempt  was  not  a  thing  of  long  duration 

for— 

The  lad  that  to  roaming  is  early  inclined, 
To  stick  to  one  duty  is  never  resigned. 
And  to  give  a  young  gentleman  right  education 
The  Army's  the  only  good  school  in  the  nation. 

To  tell   the  honest  truth,  Guy  Averall,  after  five 


Guy  Aver  all.  419 

years'  continued  service  in  the  ranks,  found  himself 
somewhat  out  of  place  among  civilians,  and  as  a 
natural  consequence  of  this  unenviable  state  of  feel- 
ing, he  came  back,  and  shouldered  the  musket  once 
more.  His  absence  from  the  Army  was  spent  in 
paying  a  visit  to  his  old  habitation  in  New  Jersey; 
but,  lack  a  day,  his  quondam  employer,  Mr.  Gore, 
was  dead;  Mrs.  Gore  herself  was  living  with  her 
former  protege,  John  Henry  Blasedell;  the  pretty 
Miss  Jessie,  now  somewhat  stout  in  person,  was  sur- 
rounded by  two  or  three  flaxen-haired  children,  and 
how  could  Guy  Averall  content  himself  while  con- 
templating these  mutations  }  To  repeat  what  has 
been  already  said  in  this  paragraph,  before  two 
months  W'ere  over,  our  friend  returned  to  the  mili- 
tary station  at  Fort  Pleasanton,  expressed  his  will- 
ingness to  again  enlist,  was  examined  in  due  form  by 
the  Surgeon,  and  before  many  more  months  were 
over  was  once  more  a  "soldier  laddie,"  under  the 
guidance  of  Uncle  Sam. 

The  second  term  of  service  which  Averall  per- 
formed was  of  a  somewhat  variegated  nature.  As 
regards  his  mental  development  he  studied  assidu- 
ously, so  as  to  make  considerable  progress,  not  only 
in  classical,  but  also  in  mathematical  learning.  At 
this  time  Guy  made  the  acquaintance  of  both  Homer 
and  Horace  in  the  original  tongues,  the  two  authors 
that  seemed  to  him  the  most  interesting  of  all  those 
that  have  descended  to  us  from  antiquity,  since  they 
both  afford  pictures  of  society,  different,  it  is  true, 
from  each  other,  but  yet  very  real  in  regard  to  the 
respective  periods  which  they  describe.  Nor  was 
his  duty  as  a  soldier  more  laborious  than  that  which 


420  Giiy  Ave  rail. 

falls  to  the  lot  of  the  average  enlisted  man.  As  the 
case  stood,  Guy's  Company  spent  a  while  at  Fort 
Pleasanton,  and  was  then  ordered  out  on  the  Utah 
expedition;  and  although  the  winter  at  Fort  Bridger 
was  a  very  trying  one,  as  every  person  who  was  at 
that  place  will  confess,  yet  with  the  establishment  of 
peace  among  the  Mormons,  the  Twenty-sixth  Artil- 
lery had  a  taste  of  garrison  duty  once  more.  At 
this  time,  it  may  be  observed,  our  friend  received  the 
first  instalment  in  the  way  of  promotion,  for  at  the 
post  of  Fort  Leavenworth  he  was  made  Corporal, 
and  in  about  four  months  afterwards  he  was  advanced 
to  Sergeant,  a  position  which  Guy  held  for  a  consid- 
erable length  of  time  afterwards.  In  the  march  be- 
tween Fort  Leavenworth  and  Laramie,  made  subse- 
quent to  his  promotion.  Sergeant  Averall  had  an 
encounter  with  a  party  of  Sioux,  for  having  been 
sent  out  on  the  prairie  in  order  to  secure  a  supply  of 
hay  for  the  horses  of  his  Battery,  the  execrable  sav- 
ages almost  overwhelmed  the  small  party  of  men 
who  were  under  charge  of  our  friend.  But  Guy,  in 
the  first  instance,  retired  to  such  cover  as  his  wagons 
afforded,  and  from  thence  he  opened  such  a  fire  on 
his  enemies  that  after  a  little  while  these  latter  were 
forced  to  decamp,  with  the  loss  of  three  or  four  war- 
riors killed,  and  double  that  number  wounded.  For 
his  skill  and  bravery  in  this  affair.  Sergeant  Averall 
received  the  thanks  of  the  officer  in  command  of  his 
Regiment,  while  his  name  was  subsequently  mentioned 
in  General  Orders.  The  only  objection  to  the  con- 
duct of  Guy  in  this  matter  came  from  a  somewhat  sin- 
gular source.  As  subsequently  appeared,  the  old  ras- 
cal, who  had  attempted  to  swindle  Averall  in  the  mock 


Guy  Ave  rail.  421 

auctioneer's  on  Broadway,  and  afterwards  acted  as 
the  priest  Manetho  in  P.  T.  Barnum's  circus,  event- 
ually turned  penitent,  confessed  his  sins,  ingratiated 
himself  with  the  Quakers,  and  was  appointed  a  peace 
commissioner  to  the  Sioux,  in  which  capacity  he 
wrote  a  terrific  account  of  Guy's  inhuman  slaughter 
of  the  Red  men,  a  report  which  subsequently  formed 
the  basis  of  a  pathetic  attack  on  the  Army,  by  a 
celebrated  orator  in  Boston,  who  singled  out  Guy 
Averall  as  the  most  inhuman  personage  that  the 
world  had  ever  seen,  and  as  such  held  him  up  to  the 
execration  of  humanity.  But  every  one  knows  what 
an  artist  in  words  is  the  justly  celebrated  Phillips. 

It  was  only  in  his  third  enlistment  that  Guy 
thought  he  had  some  reason  to  complain.  The  war 
"of  the  Rebellion  "  had  broken  out;  the  Artillery  in 
common  with  the  other  branches  of  the  service  was 
completely  demoralized;  in  the  Regiment  in  which 
he  had  been  serving  some  twenty  or  thirty  appoint- 
ments of  officers  had  been  made  from  citizen  life; 
when  Averall  conceived  the  foolish  notion,  that  some 
little  attention  was  due  those  old  soldiers  who  under 
all  circumstances  had  remained  faithful  to  the  flag; 
and  who  had  borne  the  burden  and  heat  of  the  day 
in  Florida,  in  Utah,  in  the  Indian  country  and  else- 
where. He  was  further  emboldened  in  this  notion, 
for  of  those  who  had  received  appointments  lately, 
hardly  one,  as  far  as  he  was  aware,  knew  anything 
whatever  of  the  ordinary  routine  of  duty  with  troops; 
the  only  exception,  indeed,  being  a  certain  young 
gentleman  of  his  acquaintance,  who  having  failed  in 
his  first  semi-annual  examination  at  West  Point,  now 
took  the  short  cut  to  office,  and  received  a  commis- 


42  2  Guy  Ave  rail. 

sion  without  graduating  at  all.  So  with  much  fear 
and  trembling,  Averall  ventured  to  make  known  his 
view  of  the  case  to  the  former  Captain  of  his  Com- 
pany, now  Major  Square,  when  that  kind-hearted 
gentleman  was  pleased  to  say,  that  he  really  did  not 
know  but  Averall,  take  him  all  in  all,  would  do  no 
discredit  to  a  commission,  "  Still,"  said  he,  "  we 
officers  are  helpless  in  this  matter— indeed  I  should 
have  taken  occasion  to  present  your  name  to  the  War 
Department  before  now,  but  am  creditably  informed 
that  it  would  be  useless  for  me  to  do  so,  as  the  wants 
of  the  public  are  not  yet  satisfied.  All  I  can  say  in 
the  connection  therefore  is,  do  your  duty  faithfully 
in  the  field,  and  be  assured  as  far  as  my  personal  ex- 
ertions are  concerned,  your  case  will  not  be  forgot- 
ten." So  with  this  commendation,  Guy  Averall  went 
back  to  his  Regiment;  and  advanced  and  retreated 
with  the  Army  of  the  Potomac,  in  a  very  gallant 
manner,  for  a  couple  of  years,  at  the  end  of  which 
time  he  again  appeared  before  his  old  commanding 
officer,  who  meanwhile  had  been  promoted  to  the 
position  of  Lieutenant  Colonel. 

"Well,  Averall,  what  can  I  do  for  you  ?"  was  the 
inquiry  which  Colonel  Square  now  made.  Hereupon 
Guy  was  under  the  painful  necessity  of  again  re- 
stating his  case.  "  I  don't  pretend  to  be  immaculate, 
sir,"  said  he,  "I,  no  doubt,  have  my  defects,  as  well 
as  anyone  else;  but  this  I  will  say,  that  if  I  have  an 
unfortunate  love  of  books,  it  never  has  prevented 
me  from  attending  to  my  duty;  and  now,  after  fif- 
teen years'  service,  and  disqualifying  myself  for 
almost  every  other  occupation,  I  shall  consider  my 
case  a  very  hard  one  indeed  if  I  find  any  number  of 


Guy  Aver  all.  423 

green  striplings  are  placed  over  my  head,  and  I,  as 
an  old  soldier,  am  left  out  in  the  cold." 

"  Your  claim  is  certainly  a  meritorious  one,"  said 
Colonel  Square,  "  but  what  can  I  do  for  you  as  long 
as  I  am  destitute  of  personal  influence  at  the  De- 
partment ?  The  trouble  with  our  military  system,  as 
the  case  stands,  is  simply  this,  that  it  has  never  been 
sincerely  contemplated  that  any  one  should  be  pro- 
moted from  the  ranks  of  the  Army  to  the  grade  of 
officer,  and  as  a  consequence  of  this  a  person  who 
recommends  a  soldier  for  a  commission  is  regarded 
as  doing  an  out-of-the-way  thing;  no  matter  how 
guarded  he  may  be  in  the  premises.  As  the  case 
stands,  you  may  get  an  appointment,  and  again  you 
may  not — the  thing  is  all  luck — my  advice  to  you  on 
the  whole  is,  if  you  can  use  any  congressional  influ- 
ence, do  so,  by  all  means,  without  delay,  for  any  one 
of  us  old  soldiers  are  only  too  conscious  of  the  fact, 
that  ten  words  from  a  Senator  or  Member  of  the 
House  of  Representatives  will  avail  more  in  secur- 
ing advancement,  than  if  you  fought  in  the  field  for 
half  a  century,  and  were  covered  from  head  to  foot, 
with  scars  received  in  battle." 

The  words  thus  spoken,  although  containing 
little  that  was  novel,  produced  quite  an  impression 
on  Guy  Averall.  After  thanking  his  old  commander 
for  his  advice,  he  turned  away,  and  while  walking 
down  Pennsylvania  Avenue,  he  began  to  cogitate. 
"  Well,  well,"  said  he,  "  it  is  somewhat  hard  after 
doing  my  very  best  to  be  honest,  for  a  considerable 
number  of  years  to  find  myself  so  utterly  helpless 
and  dependent  as  I  am  now.  Yes,  three  successive 
enlistments  in  the  Army,  now  almost  completed  ;  and 


424  Guy  Aver  all. 

to  find  myself  placed  under  a  lot  of  green  boys,  some 
of  whom,  to  my  knowledge,  can  hardly  spell !  I  am 
sensible  of  the  sad  mistake  I  committed  in  separat- 
ing myself  from  the  great  body  of  civilians  when  I 
first  enlisted  ;  had  I  commenced  life  in  a  proper 
form,  attended  a  caucus,  ran  with  a  fire-engine,  acted 
as  a  repeater  at  election  time,  or  even  denounced  the 
effiete  aristocracy  of  the  old  world,  I  might  now  be  a 
free  man,  entitled  to  all  the  rights  and  privileges  of 
an  ordinary  resident  of  the  United  States,  instead  of 
being  the  mere  shuttlecock  I  now  am.  But  never 
mind';  once  this  enlistment  expires,  I  will  turn  over 
a  new  leaf ;  and  then  if  puffing  and  blowing  and 
sounding  my  own  trumpet  is  fit  to  effect  anything,  I 
will  yet  be  a  power  in  America." 

Just  at  that  moment,  if  the  truth  must  be  told, 
our  friend  felt  somewhat  indignant  at  what  he 
was  pleased  to  designate  the  unjust  favoritism  of 
Washington  city,  when  turning  the  corner  towards 
Lafayette  Square,  he  saw  a  large  tall  woman  coming 
down  the  street,  and  by  her  side  was  walking  the 
young  and  gallant  'Lieutenant  Daisy.  Hector,  for 
such  he  was,  had  grown  during  the  last  year  to  be  a 
fleshy,  dogmatic-looking  fellow,  with  a  stomach  on 
him  like  a  beer  barrel.  The  mathematician  was  ex- 
patiating on  the  qualities  of  a  certain  cotelette  de 
becasse  a  la  supreme,  of  which  he  had  partaken  the 
previous  evening  at  a  senatorial  dinner,  and  whose 
excellencies  were  such  as  to  satisfy  the  wants  of  the 
susceptible  young  gourmand.  As  to  the  lady  who 
walked  alongside  of  the  officer,  it  is  hardly  neces- 
sary to  say  a  word  in  regard  to  her  identity.  In  a 
few  seconds  after  he  first  saw  her,  our  hero  was  en- 


Guy  Aver  all.  425 

gaged  in  making  a  most  profound  bow,  while  in 
front  of  him  stood  that  very  majestic  personage,  the 
Brigadier  General  himself. 

"  Why  Averall,  I  am  so  glad  to  see  you  !  What 
a  very  fine  soldier  you  have  become  !  A  Sergeant 
too,  I  notice  !  Let  me  congratulate  you.  And  how 
are  all  the  dear  children  ? " 

"As  well,  madame,  as  could  be  expected,"  said 
Guy. 

"  I  am  very  glad  indeed  to  hear  that,"  responded 
the  lady.  And  what  has  become  of  that  excellent 
old  soldier — I  mean  Sergeant  Moldwell  ?  " 

"  He  is  at  present  stationed,  as  Ordinance  Ser- 
geant, at  Fort  Pike." 

"  Ordinance  Sergeant  at  Fort  Pike  !  why  that  is 
in  Louisiana,  is  it  not .?  " 

"Yes,  ma'am,"  said  Guy. 

"  And  that  good  man,  Hogan,  where  is  he  now  ?  " 

"  Hogan,  at  present,  is  employed  as  clerk  in  the 
AVar  Department,"  responded  Averall. 

"  Clerk  in  the  War  Department !   Arid  Petersen  ?  " 

"  Practicing  phrenology,  madame,  in  Pittsburgh." 

"  Practicing  phrenology  in  Pittsburgh.  Why  that 
indeed  is  wonderful.  And  what  has  become  of  that 
good  man.  Lieutenant  Blodgett,  who  worked  so  hard 
at  manufacturing  the  bugs?  " 

"  Lieutenant  Blodgett  is  the  most  lucky  person 
with  whom  I  am  acquainted,"  was  the  answer.  "He 
left  his  command,  and  started  off  to  Washington  a 
few  days  ago,  and  then  by  dint  of  sounding  his  own 
praises,  he  got  an  appointment  in  the  volunteers  as 
Brigadier  General." 

"The  dear  good  child  !  "  exclaimed  Mrs.  Daisy. 


426  Guy  Averall. 

*'  Oh  !    how  I  did  love  that   man  !      And,  Averall, 
what  position  beside  Sergeant,  do  you  hold  ? 

"  The  same,  madame,  that  I  have  for  a  good 
many  years,  I  attend  to  my  duties,  look  after  my 
squad,  keep  to  myself  in  my  tent,  aad  now  and  then 
pore  over  a  book.     That  is  all,  I  assure  you." 

"  Why  that  is  too  bad,"  said  the  lady.  "  In  a 
democratic  country  like  ours,  and  in  such  stirring 
times  as  these,  when  every  one  is  advanced,  they 
ought  certainly  to  have  given  you  some  promotion." 
"  I  have  been  foolish  enough  to  think  I  was  en- 
titled to  some,  but 

Aspettare,  e  non  venire  ; 

Stare  in  letto,  e  non  dormire  ; 

Ben  servire,  e  non  gradire  ; 

Son  tre  cose  da  morire. 

To  expect  what  never  came,  to  lie  in  bed  and 
not  sleep,  to  serve  well  and  not  to  be  advanced,  are 
three  things  to  die  of.     Thus  say  the  Italians." 

"  But  Averall  you  shall  not  die,  not  if  I  have  the 
means  of  preventing  it.  Your  services,  as  orderly, 
during  the  time  you'were  under  Major  Daisy's  com- 
mand were  of  too  valuable  a  nature  to  be  forgotten 
in  that  way,  and  beside  all  this,  any  person  who 
quoted  those  dear  Italian  proverbs  in  the  way  you 
do,  should  not  be  allowed  to  die.  Let  me  know 
what  you  want  ?  " 

"  Well,  Madam,  to  be  candid,  I  have  of  late  been 
in  search  of  a  commission  in  the  Army,"  said  Guy. 
*'  It  may  be  a  piece  of  vanity  on  my  part,  but  I  con- 
sider my  general  education  as  good,  and  my  services 
to  the  government  as  valuable,  as  that  rendered  by 
the  majority  of  those  who  have  lately  received 
appointments." 


Guy  Aver  all.  427 

"  And,  indeed,  I  think  so  too,"  responded  Mrs. 
Daisy.  "  I  have  always  considered  you  as  one  of  the 
most  intelligent  soldiers  we  have  in  the  service." 

"  Oh,  Madam,"  said  Guy  with  a  profound  bow. 
"  I  certainly  have  no  right  to  claim  that  distinction. 
There  are  many  persons,  now  serving  in  the  ranks, 
whose  deservings  and  attainments  are  surely  much 
greater  than  mine." 

"  Let  me  see,  you  are  a  native  of  Canada,  are  you 
not  ?"  asked  Mrs.  Daisy. 

"  I  am  an  Irishman,  Ma'am,  by  birth,"  responded 
the  other,  "  but  spite  of  adverse  criticism,  an  Amer- 
ican, I  trust,  by  feelings  and  habits,  as  every  soldier 
in  the  Army  of  the  United  States  should  be.  I  have 
no  desire  to  live  in  any  other  country  than  the  one 
where  I  now  am." 

"  Well,  let  us  see,  have  you  ever  spoken  to  any 
one  in  regard  to  your  commission .''" 

"  I  have,  Ma'am,  to  Colonel  Square,  but  that 
officer  regrets  his  inability  to  assist  me  in  any  very 
material  way." 

"  The  dear,  good  Colonel  Square,  I  think  him  an  ad- 
mirable man.  And  his  sweet,  amiable  wife  !  I  consider  . 
her  one  of  the  most  perfect  persons  who  ever  lived." 

"  I  consider  Mrs.  Square  a  queen  among  women," 
responded  Averall,  who  still  retained  no  inconsidera- 
ble share  of  the  loyalty  "he  once  felt  towards  that  lady. 

"  And  so  do  I  too,"  was  the  rejoinder.  "  I  con- 
sider Mrs.  Square  a  real  queen,  and  have  always 
treated  her  as  such.  But  reverting  to  our  former 
subject,  the  service,  Averall,  and  particularly  the  Ar- 
tillery, is  in  a  much  better  condition  now,  do  you 
not  think,  than  when  you  first  joined  the  Army  ?  " 


428  Guy  Averall. 

"  In  many  respects  it  certainly  is,"  was  the  re- 
joinder. The  officers  and  men  seem  to  be  very  well 
disposed  to  each  other  at  present  ;  and  in  addition 
we  are  now  relieved  in  a  great  measure  from  the 
presence  of  these  extremely  lively  gentlemen  with 
whom  we  once  were  blessed.  Such  persons  as  Law- 
less and  Ryan  are  not  now  very  often  met  as  non- 
commissioned officers  " 

"  The  poor  dear  children,"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Daisy. 
"  I  did  love  them  so  very  much  ;  and  only  felt  too 
much  mortified  when  I  understood  that  they  both 
had  been  accused  of  the  most  horrible  crimes.  But 
let  it  pass.  Averall,  I  am  glad  to  hear  you  speak  in 
the  way  you  do,  and  now  in  regard  to  this  commis- 
sion that  we  have  been  discussing.  I  suppose,  as 
you  say,  that  Colonel  Square  has  been  exerting  him- 
self in  your  behalf,  with  very  indifferent  success,  and 
such  being  the  case,  I  presume  I  may  be  allowed  to 
interfere,  I  will  take  your  matter  in  hand  and  will 
see  what  can  be  done  for  you.  Sergeant  Averall, 
we  ladies  can  usually  effect  our  purpose  in  Washing- 
ton, when  we  choosfe  to  put  our  shoulders  to  the 
wheel.  I  certainly  think  it  a  hardship  that  a  few 
months  recruiting  duty,  in  the  case  of  that  dear 
child,  Von  Gingroski,  the  Polish  count,  should  meet 
with  a  reward  which  your  twelve  or  fifteen  years  of 
service  cannot  secure,  and  if  Mrs.  Colonel  Johnson 
can  get  a  commission  for  her  pro/e^^,  by  running  to 
the  Secretary,  I  certainly  ought  to  secure  a  like 
favor  for  mine." 

And  after  making  the  customary  obeisance,  and 
with  these  words  as  a  final  understanding,  Guy 
Averall  pursued  the  even  tenor  of  his  way,  and  the 


Guy  Ave  rail.  429 

next  evening  he  was  with  his  battery  on  the  Rappa- 
hannock. 

Two  days  after  this  interview  with  Mrs.  Daisy, 
the  Captain  of  Guy's  Company,  the  former  Lieuten- 
ant Spruce,  called  him  up  to  his  tent,  and  handed 
him  an  official  letter  with  a  grin.  Guy  opened  it, 
and  found  that  it  contained  a  notification  of  his 
appointment  to  the  grade  of  Second  Lieutenant. 
Poor  Averall  was  never  more  surprised  in  his  life. 
He  positively  had  given  up  all  notion  of  succeeding 
in  the  Army.  Not  to  any  merit  of  his  own,  either 
as  regards  length  of  service  or  general  good  conduct 
was  his  promotion  due  ;  but  to  the  excellent  Mrs. 
Daisy  all  his  fortune  in  the  Army  was  to  be  attrib- 
uted, and  the  hero  of  this  narrative  was  always  proud 
to  acknowledge  the  obligation. 

After  a  pause  of  a  i^y^  minutes  Guy  Averall 
attempted  to  speak.  He  thanked  his  immediate 
commander  for  his  kind  wishes  in  the  matter  and 
then  added,  "  I  have  reason  to  think  that  a  friend  in 
Washington  has  assisted  me  in  obtaining  this  grace, 
as  the  case  now  stands  my  duty  is  plain." 
"  What  is  that  ?"  asked  Captain  Spruce. 
"  To  s^rve  that  government  which  has  entrusted 
me  with  its  confidence  in  a  loyal  and  honorable 
spirit  ;  to  take  proper  care  of  the  office  with  which  I 
am  invested  ;  and  while  remembering  that  control 
which  it  is  my  duty  to  exercise  on  all  occasions,  to 
never  forget  the  rights  and  deservings  of  all  condi- 
tions of  men." 

"  Bravo  !  bravo !  my  dear  fellow,"  exclaimed 
Spruce  with  a  most  engaging  smile,  "  I  admire  your 
sentiments." 


RARE  BOOK 
COLLECTION 


THE  LIBRARY  OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY  OF 

NORTH  CAROLINA 

AT 

CHAPEL  HILL 

-  Wilmer 
520 


